Good idea, mediocre execution
The bones for a good book are all here, but the execution is lacking. While there are grammar issues, primarily comma splices and the misuse of question marks, the most glaring issue is the almost matter-of-fact way everyone sort of takes everything. I’m all about a fast-burn, but that doesn’t mean you can’t build up to some meaningful relationships. FMC finds out about magic and supernatural stuff, and it’s just like, okay, what next? And she doesn’t struggle to believe anything. There’s very little way to gauge the passage of time, so it feels like things just happen too fast, emotionally speaking. And there’s not enough character development to really grab onto with the characters. They’re all very bland, even when they’re supposed to be dark or angry. There’s not enough genuine emotion; everything just happens and maybe someone cries, but then they’re back to just taking everything in stride. There’s an attempt at angst, but it’s not angsty at all. There is so much that is just confusing; some of these people are supposed to have been raised to this life, but then sound incredibly ignorant of it. They want to keep her identity a secret, but then tell people who she is. They’re told they have an important task to completely, but don’t really put any work into it until the books almost over, but you, dear reader will already know where the item is almost as soon as the blatant foreshadowing begins. I found myself rolling my eyes at the FMC when she ignores it for like the fourth time. Ultimately, I think the author has a good idea, but shaky writing and hasty world-building (mostly a lot of unnecessary telling in the exposition through stilted dialogue). And speaking of dialogue, contractions are okay, writers. I’m not sure who is telling writers they can’t use contractions, but it is absolutely irritating to read dialogue spoken by supposedly modern people who don’t use contractions.
Also, I have no idea what “boxer pants” are, and I’m afraid to google. I’m not sure if that’s a phrase common in other parts of the world, or if it’s just poor word choice used repeatedly.