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Fat, Pretty and Soon to Be Old
Fat, Pretty, and Soon to be Old is a moving, funny, and startlingly frank collection of personal essays about what it means to look a certain way. Or rather, certain ways. Navigating Kimberly Dark’s experience of being fat since childhood—as well as queer, white-privileged, a gender-confirming “girl with a pretty face,” active then disabled, and inevitably aging—each piece blends storytelling and social analysis to deftly coax readers into a deeper understanding of how appearance privilege (and stigma) function in everyday life and how the architecture of this social world constrains us. At the same time, she provides a blueprint for how each of us can build a more just social world, one interaction at a time. Includes an afterword by Health at Every Size expert, Linda Bacon.
160 pages, Paperback
First published September 24, 2019
24 people are currently reading
1795 people want to read
About the author
Kimberly Dark
10 books50 followersKimberly Dark is a writer, professor and raconteur working to reveal the hidden architecture of everyday life so that we all discover our influences and reclaim our power as social creators. She's performed stories and poetry at hundreds of venues worldwide and her essays appear in a wide range of scholarly and popular publications. She's the author of "Fat, Pretty, and Soon to Be Old" (AK Press, 2019), "The Daddies" (Brill Publishing, 2019), Love and Errors (Puna Press, 2018) and co-editor of Ways of Being in Teaching (Sense, 2017). She teaches in Sociology at Cal State, San Marcos and in the Cal State Summer Arts Program.
Find book club resources at kimberlydark.com.
Find book club resources at kimberlydark.com.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
February 5, 2020
Short essays challenging societal beliefs we are fed about bodies, identities and kindness to oneself and others. Made me think and reconsider. Excellent writing.
May 26, 2020
ALL THE THOUGHTS AND STRUGGLES I'VE HAD WITH MY BODY ARE HERE. LOOK NO FURTHER.
IT'S HARD BEING NOT THE BODY NORM. A LIFETIME OF STRUGGLE. FUCK AND SHIT.
IT'S HARD BEING NOT THE BODY NORM. A LIFETIME OF STRUGGLE. FUCK AND SHIT.
November 17, 2020
Can't say enough good things about FAT, PRETTY, AND SOON TO BE OLD. Kimberly Dark is a deep thinker and a wonderful writer. It's a tall order for a book to make you kinder to yourself and others, but this one will.
January 13, 2020
This book of essays is perfection.
When I am frustrated and angry at all of the injustice I see in the world, I cannot describe what I am feeling and why the world is wrong. So, I turn to writers who craft words together that make sense to me. Kimberly Dark has been added to that list.
When I am frustrated and angry at all of the injustice I see in the world, I cannot describe what I am feeling and why the world is wrong. So, I turn to writers who craft words together that make sense to me. Kimberly Dark has been added to that list.
May 7, 2021
Memoirs and books of essays are always hard to rate. I love them even when I don't, because it's so important to tell our stories. Dark is insightful and the ideas in this book are so important, but there is a lot of overlap in the stories. I probably should have read the chapters farther apart instead of all in one go. Also, given the role her mother plays in the stories, I feel like there is a giant gaping hole where the journey to having a relationship with her mother lives. Undoubtedly, this is because I'm an unforgiving asshole and projecting, but I would love to see more people contemplating publicly how they decided to continue having relationships with family that treated them like shit. The assumption that we are obligated to do that no matter what the cost is at least as harmful as every other type of cultural value/expectation/oppression focused on in the book. Yes we can change our personal narrative. Yes changing society is a collective project. Yes that project takes understanding and compassion. But that doesn't mean we can't decide some ppl aren't going to be on that journey with us.
January 18, 2020
4.5 really - also? It me! "Kimberly Dark’s experience of being fat since childhood—as well as queer, white-privileged, a gender-confirming “girl with a pretty face,” active then disabled, and inevitably aging" sounds a LOT like my experience, so this book resonated hard for many reasons.
I am always deeply grateful to authors who help give words to the experiences of individual and structural fatphobia that have been the air I breathe for the last 38+ years of my almost 50 on this earth. While I have words for so much (and use them loudly and regularly to interrupt oppression and privilege whenever possible) about our culture, my life, and more, this experience of fatness continues to feel hard to find words for even as I practice talking honestly and lovingly about all bodies and live totally authentically and joyfully in my fat body. Why? Why is this the thing that I often choke when trying to name in my daily life?Because I am still unlearning shame, because I am still unlearning untruths that I have been told about my worth based on my body, because my fatness lives in a complex tangle of other privileges that are equally true.
As Kimberly Dark says, " We maintain a culture that actually distributes resources like food, shelter, and love according to appearance and inherited wealth more frequently than on any other basis. The messages of media, politics, and usually family teach us that this inequity is fair if it is somehow based on the inherent worth of individuals, so we need individuals to have differing worth".
Unlearning and re-learning the truths about fat, about diet culture, about the health and science of fat in particular, are crucial for our collective liberation and for my daily existence, which is probably why this book speaks to me so. It's not an abstract idea, that liberation - rather, it is what would make me able to walk through this world with my self love matching the external world's opinions of me and my body.
Again, as the author says, " If you don't know it, I'll let you in on something: there are two worlds out there with regard to how people feel about fat. In one world - the one that controls most of the media and sells most of the products, the one that runs the politics and the public works - fat is a travesty. The very word "fat" is a terrible insult from which you protect your friends and lovers.
In another world, increasing numbers of people of all body types live happily and healthily and with minimal regard for beauty tyranny. They work and walk and swim and have sex and dance and sleep and get sick and well and love and die without organizing their lives around their hatred or suspicion or judgement of their bodies. Well, they practice living that way, at least, because the other world is tough to ignore."
I am super grateful for this book. I also appreciate that the author acknowledges that her own experience is still in learning how to talk about this experience of being a fat, white, gender conforming queer woman intersects with racism and other forms of oppression. We all have something to learn and we all have a place in this fight. The dedication of this book says it better than I can, "This book is dedicated to all of the children, especially girls, who will grow up without fear of being fat, nor fear of aging, able to focus on the beauty of their experiences and pursuits rather than their appearance. May they love fiercely - each person's humanity, body, and integrity. They're already on their way; I know because I am folding them in my heart and vision. Let it be so."
I am always deeply grateful to authors who help give words to the experiences of individual and structural fatphobia that have been the air I breathe for the last 38+ years of my almost 50 on this earth. While I have words for so much (and use them loudly and regularly to interrupt oppression and privilege whenever possible) about our culture, my life, and more, this experience of fatness continues to feel hard to find words for even as I practice talking honestly and lovingly about all bodies and live totally authentically and joyfully in my fat body. Why? Why is this the thing that I often choke when trying to name in my daily life?Because I am still unlearning shame, because I am still unlearning untruths that I have been told about my worth based on my body, because my fatness lives in a complex tangle of other privileges that are equally true.
As Kimberly Dark says, " We maintain a culture that actually distributes resources like food, shelter, and love according to appearance and inherited wealth more frequently than on any other basis. The messages of media, politics, and usually family teach us that this inequity is fair if it is somehow based on the inherent worth of individuals, so we need individuals to have differing worth".
Unlearning and re-learning the truths about fat, about diet culture, about the health and science of fat in particular, are crucial for our collective liberation and for my daily existence, which is probably why this book speaks to me so. It's not an abstract idea, that liberation - rather, it is what would make me able to walk through this world with my self love matching the external world's opinions of me and my body.
Again, as the author says, " If you don't know it, I'll let you in on something: there are two worlds out there with regard to how people feel about fat. In one world - the one that controls most of the media and sells most of the products, the one that runs the politics and the public works - fat is a travesty. The very word "fat" is a terrible insult from which you protect your friends and lovers.
In another world, increasing numbers of people of all body types live happily and healthily and with minimal regard for beauty tyranny. They work and walk and swim and have sex and dance and sleep and get sick and well and love and die without organizing their lives around their hatred or suspicion or judgement of their bodies. Well, they practice living that way, at least, because the other world is tough to ignore."
I am super grateful for this book. I also appreciate that the author acknowledges that her own experience is still in learning how to talk about this experience of being a fat, white, gender conforming queer woman intersects with racism and other forms of oppression. We all have something to learn and we all have a place in this fight. The dedication of this book says it better than I can, "This book is dedicated to all of the children, especially girls, who will grow up without fear of being fat, nor fear of aging, able to focus on the beauty of their experiences and pursuits rather than their appearance. May they love fiercely - each person's humanity, body, and integrity. They're already on their way; I know because I am folding them in my heart and vision. Let it be so."
April 24, 2020
I picked up this book not knowing what to expect, and I was blown away. Kimberly is a fantastic storyteller, so much so that I'm still processing some of the emotions this book has brought out. I'm glad I now own this one, it's definitely going in the re-read pile.
September 11, 2019
Read it in a day and already gifted it to someone else who could use the wisdom. I am grateful for the labor that went into writing this book and for the way the content makes me feel so seen. Exceptional read!
May 22, 2025
Toll, will ich nochmal lesen
February 4, 2022
• written by writer, Sociology professor and storyteller Kimberly Dark about what it's like to live in a fat body and the importance to deconstruct and reconstruct cultural views about bodies and health and people
• Dark was raised by a mother who ran a beauty and deportment school, a mother who told her when she was 12 that she was too big and too sexual. Dark was sexually abused by her stepfather at this time and when she told her mother, she was kicked out of home
• Dark has a history of crash dieting - avoiding food for sometimes weeks at a time only to loose small amounts of weight and to be told that even though she was incredibly unhealthy that she looked great and should keep going
• When pregnant with her first child Dark vowed to stop restricting herself, to stop obsessing over thinness and food and to simply live in her body and accept her body for what it is
• and that's what it boils down to - all bodies are different, some are big, small, tall, short, whatever. Studies show that people calcified as overweight by the BMI don't consume more calories than thin people, nor do they do less exercise, they're just built differently
• cultural associates fatness with laziness, poor health and badness. But it's all oppressive bullshit. Fatness is just a way of being, same as thinness or mediumness
A great read and an easy read - it's a series of essays about different topics which touch on Dark's experiences as a yoga student snf teacher, on her interaction with pop culture, her interactions with family and strangers and colleagues and lovers. Would recommend to anyone who is keen to create a more accepting world for every type of beautiful body ❤
• Dark was raised by a mother who ran a beauty and deportment school, a mother who told her when she was 12 that she was too big and too sexual. Dark was sexually abused by her stepfather at this time and when she told her mother, she was kicked out of home
• Dark has a history of crash dieting - avoiding food for sometimes weeks at a time only to loose small amounts of weight and to be told that even though she was incredibly unhealthy that she looked great and should keep going
• When pregnant with her first child Dark vowed to stop restricting herself, to stop obsessing over thinness and food and to simply live in her body and accept her body for what it is
• and that's what it boils down to - all bodies are different, some are big, small, tall, short, whatever. Studies show that people calcified as overweight by the BMI don't consume more calories than thin people, nor do they do less exercise, they're just built differently
• cultural associates fatness with laziness, poor health and badness. But it's all oppressive bullshit. Fatness is just a way of being, same as thinness or mediumness
A great read and an easy read - it's a series of essays about different topics which touch on Dark's experiences as a yoga student snf teacher, on her interaction with pop culture, her interactions with family and strangers and colleagues and lovers. Would recommend to anyone who is keen to create a more accepting world for every type of beautiful body ❤
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 17, 2020
Kimberley's essays on living large in a fat-shaming society were heartfelt for me.
Like her I've been big (twice the norm) all my life. There's tremendous abuse daily in a culture that says it's wrong to be fat even though some of us can't lose the pounds no matter what we do which, in turn, sets us up for more feelings of failure.
I praise her for jumping off the fatphobia wagon early on so that she can enjoy her life instead of thinking she deserves putdowns, humiliation & abuse from education to shopping, from the medical profession to cards and television. How often do you see a fat person in a serious role? When will it be wrong to stop poking fun at fat people? This is a thoughtful read.
Like her I've been big (twice the norm) all my life. There's tremendous abuse daily in a culture that says it's wrong to be fat even though some of us can't lose the pounds no matter what we do which, in turn, sets us up for more feelings of failure.
I praise her for jumping off the fatphobia wagon early on so that she can enjoy her life instead of thinking she deserves putdowns, humiliation & abuse from education to shopping, from the medical profession to cards and television. How often do you see a fat person in a serious role? When will it be wrong to stop poking fun at fat people? This is a thoughtful read.
July 11, 2023
"Fat, Pretty, and Soon to be Old" serves as a rallying cry for a more inclusive and compassionate society. The author's call for self-acceptance, self-love, and embracing the inevitability of aging is not only empowering but also deeply necessary in a world that often values youth, beauty, and thinness above all else.
In conclusion, "Fat, Pretty, and Soon to be Old: A Makeover for Self and Society" is an insightful and empowering book that challenges societal norms surrounding body image and aging. Kimberly Dark's unique perspective, combined with her engaging writing style, makes this a must-read for anyone seeking to redefine beauty standards, embrace self-acceptance, and dismantle harmful societal pressures.
In conclusion, "Fat, Pretty, and Soon to be Old: A Makeover for Self and Society" is an insightful and empowering book that challenges societal norms surrounding body image and aging. Kimberly Dark's unique perspective, combined with her engaging writing style, makes this a must-read for anyone seeking to redefine beauty standards, embrace self-acceptance, and dismantle harmful societal pressures.
December 9, 2023
This is a statement of the powerful of self-belief over social pressure. The series of essays addresses many of the personal self-image issues of modern day. The title should have include Gay instead of old because this is a major identity feature for Dark and is often a topic of her self-reflection. This is not a humble reflection meant to bolster her fellows. Dark is confident to the point of arrogant, or at least that is how she comes off. Is she false-confident to cover the insecurity most of her readers feel? The number of times her acclaims herself as “hot” makes this reader she is slightly assured of her sexuality, if not the concerns of her readers. More a social statement than a self-help book. Unnecessarily crass language does nothing to help her argument.
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July 10, 2020Awesome book! Kimberly writes so effortlessly! I felt like I was having a one on one conversation with her. She tells it like it is and opens up the conversation so the elephant is no longer standing in the room. I related on many levels to some of her stories and walked away enlightened and carefree!
December 21, 2021
Kimberley dark has a penetrating, enlightening and crystal clear view of life that she boldly shares with us in her book. Brief and brilliant chapters gently reframe the ideas of the other, and let us know that belonging is something she expects and insists on for us all. A voice of hope and passion in a world prone to judgement and shame.
March 6, 2021
This was a brilliant read, which helped me better understand the nuances of experience of fat people, through entertaining, heart breaking, and emotive storytelling. It has given me a framework to change my perspective and my language. Highly recommended!
May 25, 2023
Temas super necessários, é importante conhecer a perspectiva de quem lida com muitas dissociações do que a sociedade rótula como bom. De qualquer forma, senti que passamos de forma muito superficial pelos temas abordados.
October 12, 2019
I don't know. The book had a good message and I find myself thinking about it when not reading it, but I also found myself bored and skimming for half the book.
November 21, 2019
Solid 4.5. Interesting and relate-able.
June 13, 2020
I took forever to finish this book because I just wanted to savor it. Do yourself the favor of reading it. One of my favorite top 50 books of all time!
May 21, 2021
I enjoyed some of this book. Some of it didn't resonate with me and I felt like it dragged on a bit.
January 16, 2022
3.75. The overall lessons of the essays/ book are amazing and offer fantastic and realistic actions for changing the culture we live in, but something about the middle falls apart for me.
January 23, 2022
Intense, powerful, challenging.
April 23, 2020
This book is beautiful! Dark weaves her stories together to create a moving, often hilarious, and empathetic read. I felt recognized and called to action all at once, and I had to make myself slow down reading it so the experience could last longer. It’s one I’ll be coming back to again and again, finding new wisdom and humour each time.
March 22, 2021
This is a wonderful book that every person should read. Kimberly is a sociologist who has managed the complex art of explaining complicated issues as social inequality through storytelling. Every chapter of the book is a short essay that combines her anecdotes with deep, moving reflections. She mainly talks about the way society has tagged some types of bodies (white, thin, young, able, heteronormative bodies) as acceptable, and she questions these ideas and how hard people try to fit in this mold. I am grateful to the author for such an amazing book and I totally recommend it.
What I liked: As an anthropologist, a feminist, a woman, and a human being, I felt very touched by this book. It is well written and the style managed to make it pleasant to read about difficult issues that can be triggering (like sexual abuse, a hard childhood, or a negative body image). Social scientists usually get too caught up on theories and concepts and their (our) books are hard to read, even when the information should be widely shared. That is why I believe this book does a great service for humanity, as it talks about many issues that should be discussed in order to heal ourselves and have a better society. But, most of all, I loved this book because it showed me some of the awful parts of my relationship with myself, and motivated me to work on the radical self-love that Dark suggests.
What I did not like: It was too short, I wanted this book to be a million pages!
What I liked: As an anthropologist, a feminist, a woman, and a human being, I felt very touched by this book. It is well written and the style managed to make it pleasant to read about difficult issues that can be triggering (like sexual abuse, a hard childhood, or a negative body image). Social scientists usually get too caught up on theories and concepts and their (our) books are hard to read, even when the information should be widely shared. That is why I believe this book does a great service for humanity, as it talks about many issues that should be discussed in order to heal ourselves and have a better society. But, most of all, I loved this book because it showed me some of the awful parts of my relationship with myself, and motivated me to work on the radical self-love that Dark suggests.
What I did not like: It was too short, I wanted this book to be a million pages!
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June 12, 2020Essays. Autobiography. Fatness. Queerness. Womanhood.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews