Mad House: Growing Up in the Shadow of Mentally Ill Siblings

by Clea Simon

In classic books such as Girl, Interrupted and When Rabbit Howls , the mentally ill depict their own harrowing worlds. In Mad House we have an account of the devastating effects of mental illness on the lives of those who share their the healthy siblings of those afflicted. Clea Simon was shattered when her older brother, Daniel, a freshman at Harvard, began hearing voices, making it impossible for him to function. He later committed suicide. Schizophrenia next claimed her sister, Katherine, who has moved from one institution to another after refusing any help from her family. Simon, who spoke with hundreds of other siblings of the mentally ill and with experts in the field, confronts the issues healthy siblings face, from guilt (Why do I deserve to be okay?) to fear (Will illness claim me or my children next?) to anger at being neglected by parents overwhelmed by the needs of the mad child. Part memoir, part practical guide, Mad House is a compelling and compassionate book destined to help many people come to terms, as Simon has, with the unique pain of living with a sibling's mental illness.

Genres: Mental Health, Nonfiction, Psychology, Memoir, Biography

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Boston Globe-bestselling author Clea Simon is the author most recently of The Butterfly Trap, a sinister slow-build "he said/she said" that will definitely surprise you.

This follows Bad Boy Beat a fast-paced amateur sleuth mystery featuring a novice crime reporter with a nose for news who is convinced a series of street-level killings are connected.

In a different mood, Clea's most recent cozy is To Conjure a Killer, the fourth in her "Witch Cats of Cambridge" series.

She is also the author of the psychological suspense novels, Hold Me Down and World Enough, both named "Must Reads" by the Massachusetts Book Awards, as well as the dystopian Blackie and Care black cat series (The Ninth Life), the Dulcie Schwartz feline/academic mysteries (Shades of Grey), the Pru Marlowe pet noir mysteries (Dogs Don't Lie), and the Theda Krakow cats & crime & rock & roll mysteries (Mew is for Murder), as well as three nonfiction books: Mad House: Growing Up in the Shadow of Mentally Ill Siblings; Fatherless Women: How We Change After We Lose Our Dads; and The Feline Mystique: On the Mysterious Connection Between Women and Cats.

The recipient of multiple honors, including the Cat Writers Associations Presidents Award, she lives in Somerville, Massachusetts, with her husband, Jon Garelick, and their cat, Thisbe. Find her at Clea Simon.com

Reviews

[Carin · Rating 4 out of 5]

My father's sister is schizophrenic and this book taught me a lot about how that affected him growing up and it gave me a lot of insights into his life, how and why he makes decisions, and how this has impacted our whole family.

[Mary Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I turn to Clea Simon to understand my own family. I read “Fatherless Women” and as she wrote in that book about the women and the loss of our fathers, it hurt to remember the circumstances under which I lost my own dad. But I read it for strength. It is important that others that traversed the most difficult roads before us.
“Mad House” again put me in touch with hurting memories. My mother had episodes in which she would scream hateful things. She was bipolar; I was a difficult daughter who was often the victim of her mood swings.
All families have losses and problems, but not all families have mental illnesses. We seemed so alone and isolated back in the days when I was growing up.
I can’t say that after reading Clea Simon’s books that I understand better either the losses or the illnesses. But I am glad for her books. I know now that we who suffered through these chaotic episodes are not alone.
Clea Simon is a good guide and friend. It’s important and comforting to read the words of those who have suffered some of what we have suffered. I kept stopping as I read this book to record memories and feelings in my journal.
The section in last chapter about her decision to possibly reconnect with her sister is too long and unsatisfying. She did not come to a clear decision. I too have struggled with decisions about weather to reconnect with a lost sister. We go around in circles; the decision does not get made.

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really informative for me. She mostly uses examples of siblings with schizophrenia, but I found it helpful as well.

[Caitlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clea recounts her real-life memories of her not one but two ill older siblings. She reflects on how her early childhood trauma molded her approach to life, distorted her sense of what's considered "normal" in friendships and romantic relationships, sense of trust, the future, genetics...

All of these are thoughts, questions, obstacles with which I've obsessively harassed my early-mid-twenties mind and self, having recently become yet another sibling of the mentally ill (SOTMI). It is very comforting to have Clea tell me, through her book, "You are not alone in these thoughts and struggles." Very few can relate to our experiences, as younger siblings in particular, and the social stigma surrounding mental illness further ostracizes us so that we more often than not try to bottle up our debilitating grief while trying to learn how to embrace it... It was a tremendous relief for me to come upon Ms. Simon's work, to have connected with someone who knew exactly what ran through my mind because she's been through it herself.

This book was written to help those who have found themselves in a unique position like Clea Simon - a SOTMI. There are existing reviews that give this book a lower rating, but they are from readers who not necessarily the target audience, so they wouldn't be able to directly benefit from the wisdom Clea has to offer to other "well"-yet-suffering siblings.

Still, if you're someone who loves and cares about the wellbeing of an individual who happens to be a SOTMI, I think you would be able to gain some insight and better understand what we siblings struggle with, things that we may be too hesitant to share (which, I must emphasize, is not a reflection on you).

I'm sure (and so hope) this book has aided the author in working through her struggles. The product is something that benefits and will continue to benefit many family members.

Thank you, Clea. I will be revisiting this often to help me through the dark times.

[Frank · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone who has an older sister who was diagnosed with schizophrenia (and later on bi-polar disorder) I would recommend this book to anyone who has grown up in a household with a mentally ill sibling. Even though it was a bit of a challenge to get past the psycho-babble at the beginning of the book, the somewhat archaic writing style and the fact that the narrative gets dragged down by the over emphasis and development on the author's relationship with her boyfriends.
In spite of what I found to be a bit of a disorganized presentation, the author still manages to illustrate some of the important features of growing up in this kind of environment as well as pointing out some of the issues that may arise in adulthood from what is basically a form of post traumatic stress disorder.
I think this book would be an especially good read for a person in their late teens or early twenties as they move into adulthood because it can help them be aware of how their childhood experiences will become manifest in their thoughts, feelings and behaviors as they begin to make their place in the world. Some of these include:
-Denial as a coping mechanism
-the fear that we may ourselves go crazy
-entering into close relationships with people resembling our siblings
-survivor guilt
-not wanting to have children because of the concern that they may develop mental illness

The author also does not give us a lot of insight into how she was able to overcome these obstacles other than to talk about her need for psychotherapy; which, probably, for people having grown up under this shadow, would not be a bad idea.

[Tania Hammidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life, for the better ... and only a few months ago at (my) age 42. (ok - now you know. shhhh). Clea Simon writes a haunting and intense story about growing up with not one, but two, mentally ill silblings. The shit hit the fan at age 5 for her, when her older brother and sister starting acting strange. What makes this book more important than a piece of gold is that she interviewed hundreds of siblings, doctors, and other mental health professionals to come to terms with her life, and write a story that reflects the bigger world of siblings out there. She's straight and I'm not - so she had something to fall back on and at the end of the day, narratively, this might save her. The writing is clear, wise, bouyant, and sober. She remembers even when she wishes she would not, and her editor helped her (for the most part) work through wordy guilt in all but the last 5 pages or so. Excellent book.

[R.L. Mosz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate so much this author’s willingness to share her experiences and insights regarding mental illness in families. Reading it, I felt so deeply empathetic for everyone in this family: the parents, her ill siblings, and most of all, the author. One can’t help reflecting on one’s own childhood experiences and family dynamics. Few of us emerge from completely healthy beginnings. I liked the book’s format: the author’s chronological personal experiences overlaid by similar stories of others at the conclusion of each chapter. I found this author incredibly insightful and the book was helpful to me in my own life.

[Abbey · Rating 2 out of 5]

FIrst third of the book was very well done in explaining what it was like growing up with two seriously ill siblings. After that, it becomes a treatise on therapy for the well siblings. Useful, I'm sure, for those in that position, but very dry for the rest of the public. I'm glad, however, that she got this book out of her system first so she could go on to write the delightful animal themed mysteries she's know for.

[Kathy C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good account of ones account of growing up mentally ill siblings and the effects on her as the youngest child raised amongst the chaos and the short and long term effects it had on the entire family.

[Pete · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought it would deal more with the schizophrenic siblings, and not just the author using their illness as the cause for her own problems in life.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a poignant and harrowing story and very enlightening for anyone with a mentally ill relative.

[Alli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gave me an understanding of how others around a mentally ill person are affected. So sad to think that mental illness is a problem for everyone.