What do you think?
Rate this book
Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion
Two leading thinkers engage in a landmark conversation about human emotions and the pursuit of psychological fulfillment
At their first meeting, a remarkable bond was sparked between His Holiness the Dalai Lama, one of the world’s most revered spiritual leaders, and the psychologist Paul Ekman, whose groundbreaking work helped to define the science of emotions. Now these two luminaries share their thinking about science and spirituality, the bonds between East and West, and the nature and quality of our emotional lives.
In this unparalleled series of conversations, the Dalai Lama and Ekman prod and push toward answers to the central questions of emotional experience. What are the sources of hate and compassion? Should a person extend her compassion to a torturer—and would that even be biologically possible? What does science reveal about the benefits of Buddhist meditation, and can Buddhism improve through engagement with the scientific method? As they come to grips with these issues, they invite us to join them in an unfiltered view of two great traditions and two great minds.
Accompanied by commentaries on the findings of emotion research and the teachings of Buddhism, their interplay—amusing, challenging, eye-opening, and moving—guides us on a transformative journey in the understanding of emotions.
Audible Audio
First published January 1, 2008
199 people are currently reading
2481 people want to read
About the author
Dalai Lama XIV
1,554 books6,195 followersJetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso (born Lhamo Döndrub), the 14th Dalai Lama, is a practicing member of the Gelug School of Tibetan Buddhism and is influential as a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, the world's most famous Buddhist monk, and the leader of the exiled Tibetan government in India.
Tenzin Gyatso was the fifth of sixteen children born to a farming family. He was proclaimed the tulku (an Enlightened lama who has consciously decided to take rebirth) of the 13th Dalai Lama at the age of two.
On 17 November 1950, at the age of 15, he was enthroned as Tibet's ruler. Thus he became Tibet's most important political ruler just one month after the People's Republic of China's invasion of Tibet on 7 October 1950. In 1954, he went to Beijing to attempt peace talks with Mao Zedong and other leaders of the PRC. These talks ultimately failed.
After a failed uprising and the collapse of the Tibetan resistance movement in 1959, the Dalai Lama left for India, where he was active in establishing the Central Tibetan Administration (the Tibetan Government in Exile) and in seeking to preserve Tibetan culture and education among the thousands of refugees who accompanied him.
Tenzin Gyatso is a charismatic figure and noted public speaker. This Dalai Lama is the first to travel to the West. There, he has helped to spread Buddhism and to promote the concepts of universal responsibility, secular ethics, and religious harmony.
He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, honorary Canadian citizenship in 2006, and the United States Congressional Gold Medal on 17 October 2007.
Tenzin Gyatso was the fifth of sixteen children born to a farming family. He was proclaimed the tulku (an Enlightened lama who has consciously decided to take rebirth) of the 13th Dalai Lama at the age of two.
On 17 November 1950, at the age of 15, he was enthroned as Tibet's ruler. Thus he became Tibet's most important political ruler just one month after the People's Republic of China's invasion of Tibet on 7 October 1950. In 1954, he went to Beijing to attempt peace talks with Mao Zedong and other leaders of the PRC. These talks ultimately failed.
After a failed uprising and the collapse of the Tibetan resistance movement in 1959, the Dalai Lama left for India, where he was active in establishing the Central Tibetan Administration (the Tibetan Government in Exile) and in seeking to preserve Tibetan culture and education among the thousands of refugees who accompanied him.
Tenzin Gyatso is a charismatic figure and noted public speaker. This Dalai Lama is the first to travel to the West. There, he has helped to spread Buddhism and to promote the concepts of universal responsibility, secular ethics, and religious harmony.
He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, honorary Canadian citizenship in 2006, and the United States Congressional Gold Medal on 17 October 2007.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews
May 24, 2010
Two of my heroes, the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman, hit it off and decide to have a conversation that they turn into a book. All respect to these two extraordinary gentleman, but the book is not a success. The problem lies in the gulf between Ekman the scientist concerned about observable phenomena, and the Dalai Lama, concerned about human suffering. They don't really talk the same language, so most of the book is spent with these two giants circling each other trying to figure out a way to connect. Ekman is one of the founding geniuses of modern body language research, specifically on how to read emotion and tell when people are lying. The Dalai Lama is, well, the Dalai Lama.
I did learn something about Ekman's difficult upbringing, which possibly inspired him to do his groundbreaking research into the manifestation of human emotion, and that thrilled me, but then he's one of my heroes.
I did learn something about Ekman's difficult upbringing, which possibly inspired him to do his groundbreaking research into the manifestation of human emotion, and that thrilled me, but then he's one of my heroes.
March 18, 2022
In my opinion, this is best read in small excerpts with a few hours or a day in between to think. Not because it’s complex or profound, but because a lot of it was so simplistic that I felt I needed time to think how the discussion would apply to my life. At face value this is a book about two people with good authority to speak about what it’s like being human and how we might get out of traps that we can put ourselves in over time. I am glad I read it, but I’m not sure I’d recommend it.
October 18, 2015
This is one of the most important books I have read. All of the quibbling about the format by other reviewers is nothing more than snobbish drivel. The book features transcripts of the dialogue between Paul Ekman and His Holiness, and interwoven are also introductions, commentary and articles of interest. Anyone who works with the emotions of others or has at times struggled with their own emotions should read this book. My highest recommendation!
October 13, 2015
Very good and down to earth conversation between a great spiritual teacher and a great scientist. The most memorable advise I got from reading this book is hate the evil act but have compassion against the person who carry out the act.
There is a lot of reasoning on how compassion is to be applied practically, and the intelligence behind application of compassion, this is a really good read, broadens the mind to different views of what kindness means.
There is a lot of reasoning on how compassion is to be applied practically, and the intelligence behind application of compassion, this is a really good read, broadens the mind to different views of what kindness means.
December 14, 2022
Excellent source of inspiration and interesting information on the expression (and cause-effect-relationship) of emotions from both the Buddhist as well as the neuropsychological point of view. Also a veritable tome of book recommendations!
The conversational format made it initially difficult for me to follow the "thread" of the conversation, but once I got used to it, the reading process turned out to be a pleasure after all.
The conversational format made it initially difficult for me to follow the "thread" of the conversation, but once I got used to it, the reading process turned out to be a pleasure after all.
March 25, 2014
i had really high expectations but i found myself bored with really surface exchanges. i would have liked to hear more from the Dalai Lama but the other guy kept butting in and talked most of the book about defining terms. This book could have been a lot better.
August 7, 2020
Cuando comencé a leer este libro, tengo que decir que estaba un poco escéptico. Tengo un paradigma grande con los libros de auto ayuda y el titulo me sonaba por ese lado. Lo adquirí hace años en una institución local que provee clases de meditación para todos los niveles y en aquel entonces estaba emocionado por adentrarme en esta practica sin siquiera saber lo que era. Hacia años que el libro estaba cerrado en el librero.
Hace alrededor de 2 semanas, decidí que quería empezar a leer 2 libros a la vez (siempre había concentrado mi atención en solo 1 de principio a fin), y realmente me sorprendí cuando me encontré regresando a este con mucha mayor frecuencia que al otro. Me sentía atraído por la conversación entre el Dalai Lama y uno de los Psicólogos mas respetados en el campo de la expresión facial de las emociones, me identificaba con los ejemplos y mientras mas avanzaba quería poner en practica cada mención de meditacion y ejercicios para estar mas al tanto de mis emociones y controlarlas.
Es en definitiva un libro interesante, y pone de relieve la apertura del Budismo a reinventarse y buscar explicaciones dentro de la ciencia, a la par de aportar una vision alternativa para la paz interior. Lo único que no me gusto, seria en esta edición un poco la traducción (tiene detalles) y que algunos de los conceptos que se discuten son algo repetitivos, aunque en diferentes contextos. Por otro lado, re-abrio mi interes por la meditacion y mi curiosidad por saber un poco mas del Budismo. Me dejo un buen sabor de boca.
Hace alrededor de 2 semanas, decidí que quería empezar a leer 2 libros a la vez (siempre había concentrado mi atención en solo 1 de principio a fin), y realmente me sorprendí cuando me encontré regresando a este con mucha mayor frecuencia que al otro. Me sentía atraído por la conversación entre el Dalai Lama y uno de los Psicólogos mas respetados en el campo de la expresión facial de las emociones, me identificaba con los ejemplos y mientras mas avanzaba quería poner en practica cada mención de meditacion y ejercicios para estar mas al tanto de mis emociones y controlarlas.
Es en definitiva un libro interesante, y pone de relieve la apertura del Budismo a reinventarse y buscar explicaciones dentro de la ciencia, a la par de aportar una vision alternativa para la paz interior. Lo único que no me gusto, seria en esta edición un poco la traducción (tiene detalles) y que algunos de los conceptos que se discuten son algo repetitivos, aunque en diferentes contextos. Por otro lado, re-abrio mi interes por la meditacion y mi curiosidad por saber un poco mas del Budismo. Me dejo un buen sabor de boca.
January 22, 2020
Very technical but very interesting. Don’t listen. It’s a must read.
Read
December 14, 2012Ekman does most of the talking in this conversation between him and the Dalai Lama. Have some compassion & overlook Ekman's neediness, & many fascinating aspects of emotion/religion/meaning are explored.
"EKMAN: I want to raise the technical question of why it is that sitting every day and focusing your attention on your breath going in and out of your nose, why in the world should that help you with your emotions?
"I am accepting the idea that it does.... Each of these meditative exercises have a common theme, which is that you are focusing consciousness on something that in ordinary life we do not need to focus consciousness on.
"When you are a child, you have to learn how to use the fork. Once you learn how to use the fork, you never think about putting the fork into a piece of food and bringing it up to your mouth. No thought at all!.... Breathing we never think about. What we are doing with these meditative practices, such as focusing on the breath, is creating skills that in some sense we do not need. It is very hard to focus attention on our breath because it is automatic. We are not equipped by nature to focus on it: It is unnecessary. But if we learn how to do so, then we are more generally acquiring the ability to monitor automatically mental processes and that means we are building new neural connections for monitoring what occurs without consciousness.
"If you create these new connections, which are unnecessary to breathe, walk, or eat, I postulate that it will allow you to monitor the automatic nature of emotions. If you develop the skill to focus on your breath for longer and longer periods of time, then that very skill that you have developed will benefit your emotions because your emotions are automatic also." Kindle location 1358-1380
"EKMAN: I want to raise the technical question of why it is that sitting every day and focusing your attention on your breath going in and out of your nose, why in the world should that help you with your emotions?
"I am accepting the idea that it does.... Each of these meditative exercises have a common theme, which is that you are focusing consciousness on something that in ordinary life we do not need to focus consciousness on.
"When you are a child, you have to learn how to use the fork. Once you learn how to use the fork, you never think about putting the fork into a piece of food and bringing it up to your mouth. No thought at all!.... Breathing we never think about. What we are doing with these meditative practices, such as focusing on the breath, is creating skills that in some sense we do not need. It is very hard to focus attention on our breath because it is automatic. We are not equipped by nature to focus on it: It is unnecessary. But if we learn how to do so, then we are more generally acquiring the ability to monitor automatically mental processes and that means we are building new neural connections for monitoring what occurs without consciousness.
"If you create these new connections, which are unnecessary to breathe, walk, or eat, I postulate that it will allow you to monitor the automatic nature of emotions. If you develop the skill to focus on your breath for longer and longer periods of time, then that very skill that you have developed will benefit your emotions because your emotions are automatic also." Kindle location 1358-1380
September 27, 2016
الكتاب يجمع قطبين من مجالين مختلفين في حوار شيق إستمر في الأصل ساعات عديدة بين الطرفين، تمت إعادة تنظيمه وتسجيله وطباعته في صورة هذا الكتاب. الدكتور بول إيكمن أحد أبرز العاملين في المجال النفسي والمشاعر وله إثرائات وإضافات في مجال علاقة تعابير الوجه بالمشاعر والباطن ولوهو من رواد هذا المجال، في الجانب الآخر الدالاي لاما وهو القائد الأعلى للبوذيين في هذا الزمن وهو يمثل التوجه الروحي أو الديني وهو يناقش الأمور من وجهة نظر الفلسفة البوذية في التعامل مع المشاعر / الآخرين / الكون.
من محاور النقاش بينهم موضوع البغض والحب والعطف ونطاق هذه المشاعر بين دائرة الفرد الضيقة ودائرة العالم الأوسع لبقية البشر لبقية الكائنات، وكيف إن الإنسان كسائر الحيوانات يميل بطبعه وسجيته لحصر هذا النطاق في العائلة المباشرة أو المحيط أو القبيلة. وإن توسيع هذه الدائرة لا يمكن أن يكون إلا بالتلقين الذاتي المستمر حتى يتحول من علم عقلي إلى تلقائية راسخة يتحرك منها الإنسان. يتحدث كل منهما في هذا الموضوع وغيره من المواضيع المتعلقة بالمشاعر والتأمل وعلاقة باطن الإنسان بالعلاقات البشرية والمجتمع بشكل عام، يسعد كليهما بكمية التوافق بينهم في نهاية المطاف ويوصيان بضرورة تحكيم العلم والبحث في مختلف المجالات.
هناك الكثير من المشتركات في نظري بين مختلف الأفكار المطروحة وما هو موجود في الإسلام - الإسلام ليس المسلمين - من أفكار وتعاليم ، من أهمها وأوضحها موضوع الصلاة التي هي قريبة جدا جدا من التأمل اليومي الموصى به.
من محاور النقاش بينهم موضوع البغض والحب والعطف ونطاق هذه المشاعر بين دائرة الفرد الضيقة ودائرة العالم الأوسع لبقية البشر لبقية الكائنات، وكيف إن الإنسان كسائر الحيوانات يميل بطبعه وسجيته لحصر هذا النطاق في العائلة المباشرة أو المحيط أو القبيلة. وإن توسيع هذه الدائرة لا يمكن أن يكون إلا بالتلقين الذاتي المستمر حتى يتحول من علم عقلي إلى تلقائية راسخة يتحرك منها الإنسان. يتحدث كل منهما في هذا الموضوع وغيره من المواضيع المتعلقة بالمشاعر والتأمل وعلاقة باطن الإنسان بالعلاقات البشرية والمجتمع بشكل عام، يسعد كليهما بكمية التوافق بينهم في نهاية المطاف ويوصيان بضرورة تحكيم العلم والبحث في مختلف المجالات.
هناك الكثير من المشتركات في نظري بين مختلف الأفكار المطروحة وما هو موجود في الإسلام - الإسلام ليس المسلمين - من أفكار وتعاليم ، من أهمها وأوضحها موضوع الصلاة التي هي قريبة جدا جدا من التأمل اليومي الموصى به.
September 26, 2012
An interesting dialogue between a psychologist and the Dalai Lama. Books like this have been profliferating, and the end of this book helped me understand why. The Dalai Lama is fascinated with and devoted to scientific inquiry. Tibetan monks are now studying science as part of their Buddhist studies. In this book, he even goes as far to call himself a heretic because he is more devoted to science than Buddhist scripture. I don't think it's heretical at all--the Buddha himself warned his followers away from doctrine and toward observable experience. I'm impressed that the Dalai Lama has the courage to challenge thousands of years of his own dogma.
This book was interesting, but there was nothing totally profound in it. It's kind of what you'd expect in a dialogue between the Dalai Lama and a psychologist, the exploration of Buddhist ideas in light of modern psychology, and uncovering ways Buddhist psychology can influence Western psychology. It was mostly the latter. The two were quick to agree on most things, so I didn't get the sense they learned much from each other. It's just interesting to be the fly on the wall for such a dialogue.
This book was interesting, but there was nothing totally profound in it. It's kind of what you'd expect in a dialogue between the Dalai Lama and a psychologist, the exploration of Buddhist ideas in light of modern psychology, and uncovering ways Buddhist psychology can influence Western psychology. It was mostly the latter. The two were quick to agree on most things, so I didn't get the sense they learned much from each other. It's just interesting to be the fly on the wall for such a dialogue.
October 21, 2017
"Люди были созданы для того, чтобы их любили, а вещи были созданы для того, чтобы ими пользовались. Мир в хаосе потому, что всё наоборот".
Далай-ламa
Далай-ламa
October 14, 2020
Emotional Awareness
By His Holiness the Dali Lama & Paul Ekman
- [ ] Emotions and moods
- [ ] An emotion is only beneficial if it benefits both people
- [ ] Science and buddhism
- [ ] Science has proven that animals have emotions
- [ ] Possessiveness, attachment
- [ ] Love
- [ ] Communication and words
- [ ] Different languages have different words and concepts - many ideas, words, etc do not exist in all languages - could this contribute to how different cultures see the world
- [ ] Are we going to be emotional or will we let it pass. Spark before the flame, impulse before the action
- [ ] Emotions are fleeting
- [ ] Events do not trigger emotions
- [ ] We are often not aware of the response and quickness of our emotions. Consciousness does not play much of a role in emotions
- [ ] On forgiveness: forgiveness does not mean I condone the actions, it means I accept them and have compassion. I can accept that what the person did was wrong but still forgive what they did. I forgive my enemy, for his actions, and recognize what that person did was wrong
- [ ] Forgiveness is good for me and for the other person, it is not one sided
- [ ] Accepting their apology allows me to separate them from their actions and forgive them
- [ ] Even in the final moments of death I can have forgiveness for my executioner and still know that what is happening is wrong
- [ ] I have to work on my forgiveness towards N, R, and R
- [ ] The DL his not immune from anger, resentment, and negative emotions but he a practice to address them
- [ ] I am still angry at N
- [ ] A brief conversation about multi tasking - the DL can do his practice in meetings and while engaged in other things - this seems to contradict mindfulness
- [ ] Mindfulness - it’s always all about mindfulness
- [ ] Debate - kindness and relaxing ones emotions. Buddhists engage in and practice debate
- [ ] Knowledge can be acquired through a book. Skill takes practices. Knowledge to become engrained and deep in ones life, it requires meditation and practice
- [ ] We can make our own perceptions
- [ ] The impact of parents
- [ ] Angry is a sign of a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with
- [ ] Write a letter and send it later
- [ ] Removing the obstacle
- [ ] Resentment is harbored, it festers and grows. Resentment distracts you and builds. Resentment is a killer
- [ ] I am very resentful at Nikki
- [ ] Hatred is a form of poison and it does kill you. It distorts your view of the world
- [ ] Hatred blocks off access to your good memories. It can block your good memories and good thoughts of someone/something
- [ ] But hatred can be used for good, it can motivate us to be better
- [ ] There is a difference between hatred and disgust, the nazi’s hated the soviets but they disgusted Jews
- [ ] Compassion is not an emotion, it is more powerful. We cultivate compassion
- [ ] Compassion is unbiased and infinite
- [ ] How do I get rid of my anger and my resentment
- [ ] Compassion towards animals and all creatures
- [ ] Most of the studies on meditation have been led by or have Buddhists or practicing meditators, thus they tend to be a bit biased
- [ ] Whenever Buddhists study sections of Buddhism they are told to be skeptical and integrate the text - I wish more arenas had this mentality
- [ ] Can Viktor Frankl be integrated into these ideas? Emotions, mindfulness, perception, compassion, and the ability to change ones attitude moment to moment
- [ ] Yes Frankl can - Frankl has many of these ideas in his work and his ideas about service, commitment, attitude, mindfulness, love, forgiveness, and overcoming difficult things is very much in line or can be combined with buddhist ideas
- [ ] Add Frankl to my list of four at the diner table - Sagan, Frankl, RFK, Attenbourgh
- [ ] Humility - removes the ego
- [ ] Courage - the desire to work to the benefit of others
- [ ] Wisdom reconciles the two
- [ ] Different perspectives can be held on the same thing
- [ ] Extreme pride v extreme humility - both self centered
- [ ] Balance - wisdom
- [ ] Altruism
- [ ] Empathy
- [ ] Role playing as George Bush and having people say nice things to him
- [ ] Developing compassion
- [ ] Collectivism v individual and selfish ideals
- [ ] Feeling the emotions and going through them
- [ ] The power of fear
- [ ] How we interact with the world
- [ ] The developed worlds impact on the rest
- [ ] Critical thinking is imperative and essential for buddhism and science
- [ ] Do not be married to your religion or your science. Always question and always exam
- [ ] This is the second book that I have read with DL and another great mind the first was with Desmond Tutu - I love these books, similar to the show iconoclasts
- [ ] I wish I paid more attention to this book, this is one that I would like to come back and reread
By His Holiness the Dali Lama & Paul Ekman
- [ ] Emotions and moods
- [ ] An emotion is only beneficial if it benefits both people
- [ ] Science and buddhism
- [ ] Science has proven that animals have emotions
- [ ] Possessiveness, attachment
- [ ] Love
- [ ] Communication and words
- [ ] Different languages have different words and concepts - many ideas, words, etc do not exist in all languages - could this contribute to how different cultures see the world
- [ ] Are we going to be emotional or will we let it pass. Spark before the flame, impulse before the action
- [ ] Emotions are fleeting
- [ ] Events do not trigger emotions
- [ ] We are often not aware of the response and quickness of our emotions. Consciousness does not play much of a role in emotions
- [ ] On forgiveness: forgiveness does not mean I condone the actions, it means I accept them and have compassion. I can accept that what the person did was wrong but still forgive what they did. I forgive my enemy, for his actions, and recognize what that person did was wrong
- [ ] Forgiveness is good for me and for the other person, it is not one sided
- [ ] Accepting their apology allows me to separate them from their actions and forgive them
- [ ] Even in the final moments of death I can have forgiveness for my executioner and still know that what is happening is wrong
- [ ] I have to work on my forgiveness towards N, R, and R
- [ ] The DL his not immune from anger, resentment, and negative emotions but he a practice to address them
- [ ] I am still angry at N
- [ ] A brief conversation about multi tasking - the DL can do his practice in meetings and while engaged in other things - this seems to contradict mindfulness
- [ ] Mindfulness - it’s always all about mindfulness
- [ ] Debate - kindness and relaxing ones emotions. Buddhists engage in and practice debate
- [ ] Knowledge can be acquired through a book. Skill takes practices. Knowledge to become engrained and deep in ones life, it requires meditation and practice
- [ ] We can make our own perceptions
- [ ] The impact of parents
- [ ] Angry is a sign of a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with
- [ ] Write a letter and send it later
- [ ] Removing the obstacle
- [ ] Resentment is harbored, it festers and grows. Resentment distracts you and builds. Resentment is a killer
- [ ] I am very resentful at Nikki
- [ ] Hatred is a form of poison and it does kill you. It distorts your view of the world
- [ ] Hatred blocks off access to your good memories. It can block your good memories and good thoughts of someone/something
- [ ] But hatred can be used for good, it can motivate us to be better
- [ ] There is a difference between hatred and disgust, the nazi’s hated the soviets but they disgusted Jews
- [ ] Compassion is not an emotion, it is more powerful. We cultivate compassion
- [ ] Compassion is unbiased and infinite
- [ ] How do I get rid of my anger and my resentment
- [ ] Compassion towards animals and all creatures
- [ ] Most of the studies on meditation have been led by or have Buddhists or practicing meditators, thus they tend to be a bit biased
- [ ] Whenever Buddhists study sections of Buddhism they are told to be skeptical and integrate the text - I wish more arenas had this mentality
- [ ] Can Viktor Frankl be integrated into these ideas? Emotions, mindfulness, perception, compassion, and the ability to change ones attitude moment to moment
- [ ] Yes Frankl can - Frankl has many of these ideas in his work and his ideas about service, commitment, attitude, mindfulness, love, forgiveness, and overcoming difficult things is very much in line or can be combined with buddhist ideas
- [ ] Add Frankl to my list of four at the diner table - Sagan, Frankl, RFK, Attenbourgh
- [ ] Humility - removes the ego
- [ ] Courage - the desire to work to the benefit of others
- [ ] Wisdom reconciles the two
- [ ] Different perspectives can be held on the same thing
- [ ] Extreme pride v extreme humility - both self centered
- [ ] Balance - wisdom
- [ ] Altruism
- [ ] Empathy
- [ ] Role playing as George Bush and having people say nice things to him
- [ ] Developing compassion
- [ ] Collectivism v individual and selfish ideals
- [ ] Feeling the emotions and going through them
- [ ] The power of fear
- [ ] How we interact with the world
- [ ] The developed worlds impact on the rest
- [ ] Critical thinking is imperative and essential for buddhism and science
- [ ] Do not be married to your religion or your science. Always question and always exam
- [ ] This is the second book that I have read with DL and another great mind the first was with Desmond Tutu - I love these books, similar to the show iconoclasts
- [ ] I wish I paid more attention to this book, this is one that I would like to come back and reread
July 29, 2024
I can only imagine how patient the author was in order to get all these items written down. In meeting with the Dalai Lama, these accounts took place over the span of a few years. What a privelage to sit down and speak with him and try to create a commonality over language barriers or beliefs. I listened to this on audiobook and on one hand it was neat to be able to not only hear the Dalai Lama's voice, but to also hear how he spoke in English. However, as they shared some of the audio in their meetings, I found some parts very hard to hear or decipher. The audio was not consistent throughout the book. It went back and forth between the two trying to connect through life differences, language differences and sometimes even spiritual differences.
One excerpt that stood out to me was: “Most emotional episodes arouse a sequence of emotions not just one emotion. Yet memory tends to focus on the last emotion that was felt or only the most intense of the emotions that was experienced. The last emotion felt is of course the easiest to recall but not necessarily what you will understand easily. For instance, if you can only remember the last thing that happened when you talked to someone, but not all the things that led up to what was said, it is going to be more difficult for you to learn from the emotional experience. The less self-centered you are, the more likely I think that your memory will be fuller and less self-justified. Many people when they remember an action that they regret do not seem to learn from their memory of what went wrong. There are many reasons why this occurs, but one of them might be that they did not remember fully. It can be very helpful if you have a partner or someone who was there who can fill in the holes of your memory.” This is so true, you can have an argument with someone and only focus on 1-2 details out of the whole conversation and miss some key details that led up to that. I think it's easy for your brain to focus on the parts that either bring you the most hurt or the most joy.
Overall, I found myself right in the middle when listening to it. Didn't hate it, but didn't love it either. It may make a difference to read it verses listening to the audio like I did. But it won't be a purchase on my bookshelf.
One excerpt that stood out to me was: “Most emotional episodes arouse a sequence of emotions not just one emotion. Yet memory tends to focus on the last emotion that was felt or only the most intense of the emotions that was experienced. The last emotion felt is of course the easiest to recall but not necessarily what you will understand easily. For instance, if you can only remember the last thing that happened when you talked to someone, but not all the things that led up to what was said, it is going to be more difficult for you to learn from the emotional experience. The less self-centered you are, the more likely I think that your memory will be fuller and less self-justified. Many people when they remember an action that they regret do not seem to learn from their memory of what went wrong. There are many reasons why this occurs, but one of them might be that they did not remember fully. It can be very helpful if you have a partner or someone who was there who can fill in the holes of your memory.” This is so true, you can have an argument with someone and only focus on 1-2 details out of the whole conversation and miss some key details that led up to that. I think it's easy for your brain to focus on the parts that either bring you the most hurt or the most joy.
Overall, I found myself right in the middle when listening to it. Didn't hate it, but didn't love it either. It may make a difference to read it verses listening to the audio like I did. But it won't be a purchase on my bookshelf.
September 14, 2019
È esattamente ciò che pretende di essere, una trascrizione di una serie di lunghi dialoghi tra due personalità molto profonde, ognuno esperto nel proprio settore.
Il dialogo si fa a tratti ripetitivo, e questo rende la lettura un po' monotona (anche se mai banale), ma sono molte di più le volte in cui escono fuori degli spunti interessanti sulla natura umana, sia "animale" che "spirituale". Spesso ci sono delle questioni linguistiche, che mettono in risalto la difficoltà di comunicazione tra lo psicologo americano e il monaco tibetano, ma soprattutto la povertà linguistica di molte lingue per ciò che concerne le emozioni.
Sicuramente lo consiglio molto a chi si approccia per la prima volta ad uno dei due coautori: io personalmente non avevo mai letto nulla di nessuno dei due, ma leggendo "Emotional Awareness" (preferisco mille volte il titolo orginale, tanto per ritornare alla questione linguistica) che, confesso, comprai più per interesse verso il buddismo, che per Paul Ekman, mi è nato un grande interesse nei confronti di entrambi. Sua Santità sembra una persona veramente illuminata, mentre Ekman, che è un pilastro della scienza emozionale, mi era del tutto sconosciuto.
Il dialogo si fa a tratti ripetitivo, e questo rende la lettura un po' monotona (anche se mai banale), ma sono molte di più le volte in cui escono fuori degli spunti interessanti sulla natura umana, sia "animale" che "spirituale". Spesso ci sono delle questioni linguistiche, che mettono in risalto la difficoltà di comunicazione tra lo psicologo americano e il monaco tibetano, ma soprattutto la povertà linguistica di molte lingue per ciò che concerne le emozioni.
Sicuramente lo consiglio molto a chi si approccia per la prima volta ad uno dei due coautori: io personalmente non avevo mai letto nulla di nessuno dei due, ma leggendo "Emotional Awareness" (preferisco mille volte il titolo orginale, tanto per ritornare alla questione linguistica) che, confesso, comprai più per interesse verso il buddismo, che per Paul Ekman, mi è nato un grande interesse nei confronti di entrambi. Sua Santità sembra una persona veramente illuminata, mentre Ekman, che è un pilastro della scienza emozionale, mi era del tutto sconosciuto.
October 7, 2023
The book was good but did not “wow” me. I thought the portion of the dialogue that was most unique was when Ekman and the Dalai Lama discuss training the mind’s ability to focus on behaviors that typically do not require much thought—such as breathing, walking, and eating—in order to potentially recognize emotions in a similar manner. This makes sense thinking about brain circuitry and how the brain can utilize the same pathways for similar activities. I think sometimes however issues can arise with with too much interoception, so I took that idea with a grain of salt. Most other topics of conversation seemed like cookie cutter buddhist thoughts (compassion, meditation, etc.) but that is not to say it wasn’t helpful. I think the most useful takeaway for readers overall is to aim to build awareness so that you are able to put distance between stimuli and subsequent response while considering how you can demonstrate more compassion towards yourself and others.
April 1, 2014
Leading psychologist Paul Ekman received an invitation to a Mind and Life Conference with the Dalai Lama in 2000. He went because he knew it would it please his daughter, an admirer of the Dalai Lama. Ekman himself had no great knowledge of Buddhism and no religious beliefs or practices of his own. What happened as a result of this initial encounter changed Ekman's life, both personally and professionally. He hit it off with the Dalai Lama, experiencing a warmth and openness that affected him emotionally and that puzzled him as a scientist. And he learned things about the Buddhist tradition that triggered new perspectives and research agendas from him about the emotions and how we humans can learn to better cultivate them. This book records conversations held between Ekman and the Dalai Lama over several years. These transcripts and sidebars become a treasure-trove of insight into this most basic human (and animal) phenomenon that Buddhism has explored more than two millennia via introspection (meditation). Now science is taking a closer look at, especially with the advances in neuroscience and other techniques that provide us new ways of viewing and testing emotions. This book allows any reader can come away with a better understanding of how we live our emotional lives, and how we can cultivate those emotions for our own good and the good of those with whom we live. No small accomplishment.
The first two of the Four Noble Truths espoused by the Buddha state his assessment of the human condition. The First Noble Truth: Life is unsatisfactory. (More often, we see the original Sanskrit or Pali translated as “suffering”, but I agree that this word is perhaps too aggressive in its portrayal of the original insight.) The Second Noble Truth: The cause of suffering [or unsatisfactoriness] is attachment. Attachment, as you learn, can mean craving for something (greed), craving to escape something (aversion, hatred), or ignorance of the situation (delusion). So what has this to do with emotions? Via natural selection, mammals, and especially humans, developed emotions that refined our ability to approach or avoid. Mixed with our hyper-sociability (Jon Haidt), we developed a wide variety of emotions that attract or repel us from various perceived situations. Natural selection armed us over millions of years with these mind tools, but with the advent of civilization (living in cities instead of small hunter-gatherer groups), our array of emotions, such as anger and hatred, for instance, could lead us astray. Robert Wright argues in his course on Buddhism and Modern Psychology (now offered on Coursera) that Buddhism is an antidote to some aspects human behavior instilled in us by natural selection. Instead of acting on our feelings of attachment (“Yum, doughnuts! Let’s feast”) or aversion (“Your rotten SOB”), we learn to get between our emotions—developed for quick perceptions and responses—and our actions. This is a fundamental insight shared between HHDL and Ekman, each coming at the issue from their different traditions but finding a lot of agreement. Ekman calls a pause in our reactions a “refractory period”, which may be micro-moment, or—with cultivation—something much longer.
After spending time defining emotions—different from moods, we should note—the two discuss how we might learn to tame them (and not, as some think Buddhism suggests, eliminate them). Here we learn of the benefits of meditation as a mechanism for developing awareness, a meta-awareness (B. Alan Wallace) that allows us to observe the development of an emotion within us and thereby make a conscious decision about how we shall (or shan’t) act in response to the impulse. This ability, along with the conscious cultivation of compassion, allows us to take ourselves in happier and more sociable directions than the naturally selected traits of our emotions might push us.
The above is just a taste of what the book covers. In addition to insights into basic and ongoing Western scientific research about the emotions and the Buddhist insights cultivated over 2000 years, we learn about the participants, especially Ekman. Ekman’s insight that he changes over the course of these conversations (estimated at about 39 hours) is really moving. Ekman grew-up with a very difficult father, and Ekman shares insights he gains about himself and that relationship. Ekman’s growth of insight and appreciation gives the book an emotional (in a very good way!) valence that adds spice to the wonderful scientific and Buddhist knowledge and wisdom that we garner through it.
The emotions are an endlessly fascinating topic. The quality of our lives is a function of our emotions. Much of morality and ethics revolve around our emotions and how we handle them. Indeed, not just Buddhism, but all of the Axial religions and philosophies—later Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Socratic philosophy and its progeny, especially Stoicism, Confucianism, and aspects of Taoism and Hinduism—are efforts to re-direct human conduct from older, more atavistic (and now less well-adopted) traits vested in humans via natural selection. These religions and philosophies (philosophy, that is, “as a way of life”, in the words of Pierre Hadot) developed in response to a very different environment (civilization) than that of the hunter-gatherers from whom we descended. The challenge to us is to use the wisdom of these traditions and refine them (no more required, I suspect) to best fit our contemporary needs. This book goes a long way in forwarding that project. We must thank Dr. Ekman and the Dalai Lama for their courage in reaching across traditions to help us find our way.
P.S. This is a second take on this book. Indeed, blog 5/682 (i.e., near the beginning of my blogging) addresses my listening to this as an audio book. It was definitely worth a second take!
The first two of the Four Noble Truths espoused by the Buddha state his assessment of the human condition. The First Noble Truth: Life is unsatisfactory. (More often, we see the original Sanskrit or Pali translated as “suffering”, but I agree that this word is perhaps too aggressive in its portrayal of the original insight.) The Second Noble Truth: The cause of suffering [or unsatisfactoriness] is attachment. Attachment, as you learn, can mean craving for something (greed), craving to escape something (aversion, hatred), or ignorance of the situation (delusion). So what has this to do with emotions? Via natural selection, mammals, and especially humans, developed emotions that refined our ability to approach or avoid. Mixed with our hyper-sociability (Jon Haidt), we developed a wide variety of emotions that attract or repel us from various perceived situations. Natural selection armed us over millions of years with these mind tools, but with the advent of civilization (living in cities instead of small hunter-gatherer groups), our array of emotions, such as anger and hatred, for instance, could lead us astray. Robert Wright argues in his course on Buddhism and Modern Psychology (now offered on Coursera) that Buddhism is an antidote to some aspects human behavior instilled in us by natural selection. Instead of acting on our feelings of attachment (“Yum, doughnuts! Let’s feast”) or aversion (“Your rotten SOB”), we learn to get between our emotions—developed for quick perceptions and responses—and our actions. This is a fundamental insight shared between HHDL and Ekman, each coming at the issue from their different traditions but finding a lot of agreement. Ekman calls a pause in our reactions a “refractory period”, which may be micro-moment, or—with cultivation—something much longer.
After spending time defining emotions—different from moods, we should note—the two discuss how we might learn to tame them (and not, as some think Buddhism suggests, eliminate them). Here we learn of the benefits of meditation as a mechanism for developing awareness, a meta-awareness (B. Alan Wallace) that allows us to observe the development of an emotion within us and thereby make a conscious decision about how we shall (or shan’t) act in response to the impulse. This ability, along with the conscious cultivation of compassion, allows us to take ourselves in happier and more sociable directions than the naturally selected traits of our emotions might push us.
The above is just a taste of what the book covers. In addition to insights into basic and ongoing Western scientific research about the emotions and the Buddhist insights cultivated over 2000 years, we learn about the participants, especially Ekman. Ekman’s insight that he changes over the course of these conversations (estimated at about 39 hours) is really moving. Ekman grew-up with a very difficult father, and Ekman shares insights he gains about himself and that relationship. Ekman’s growth of insight and appreciation gives the book an emotional (in a very good way!) valence that adds spice to the wonderful scientific and Buddhist knowledge and wisdom that we garner through it.
The emotions are an endlessly fascinating topic. The quality of our lives is a function of our emotions. Much of morality and ethics revolve around our emotions and how we handle them. Indeed, not just Buddhism, but all of the Axial religions and philosophies—later Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Socratic philosophy and its progeny, especially Stoicism, Confucianism, and aspects of Taoism and Hinduism—are efforts to re-direct human conduct from older, more atavistic (and now less well-adopted) traits vested in humans via natural selection. These religions and philosophies (philosophy, that is, “as a way of life”, in the words of Pierre Hadot) developed in response to a very different environment (civilization) than that of the hunter-gatherers from whom we descended. The challenge to us is to use the wisdom of these traditions and refine them (no more required, I suspect) to best fit our contemporary needs. This book goes a long way in forwarding that project. We must thank Dr. Ekman and the Dalai Lama for their courage in reaching across traditions to help us find our way.
P.S. This is a second take on this book. Indeed, blog 5/682 (i.e., near the beginning of my blogging) addresses my listening to this as an audio book. It was definitely worth a second take!
March 24, 2021
Illuminating.
Savoured this!
The book was recommended as part of one of Pema Chodrin's online retreats and is filled with wisdom.
Near the end of the book Ekman shares how he experienced profound change. As he and his daughter spent eight minutes speaking at a conference, the Dalai Lama held his hand and the powerful warmth of the connection healed a long-held anger. Ekman went on to say he had spoken with eight others who had experienced similar outcomes. Now, we may not all have the opportunity to hold hands with the Dalai Lama but this book does help in making a connection.
I do appreciate how evidence is growing so rapidly on how meditation can enrich our health and wellness; in turn benefiting our communities.
Highly recommend this book as it is one of those that can change your perspective and life for the better.
Savoured this!
The book was recommended as part of one of Pema Chodrin's online retreats and is filled with wisdom.
Near the end of the book Ekman shares how he experienced profound change. As he and his daughter spent eight minutes speaking at a conference, the Dalai Lama held his hand and the powerful warmth of the connection healed a long-held anger. Ekman went on to say he had spoken with eight others who had experienced similar outcomes. Now, we may not all have the opportunity to hold hands with the Dalai Lama but this book does help in making a connection.
I do appreciate how evidence is growing so rapidly on how meditation can enrich our health and wellness; in turn benefiting our communities.
Highly recommend this book as it is one of those that can change your perspective and life for the better.
December 2, 2021
Possibly one of the most important books I've read.
This book recounts a conversation recorded over 39 hours in 2008, several years after the Mind and Life conference in 2000 where the author met His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. What unfolds is a respectful and enlightening dialogue between a scientist and a Buddhist philosopher. There is a genuine push for an objective understanding of human emotion, morality, ethical decision-making, and compassion.
If you would purchase a book by Paul Ekman (a leading behavior, emotion, and compassion researcher) you should be able to forgive the fact that the conversation is mostly driven by him in the role of questioner.
Dr. Ekman's work is foundational in the field of behavior and emotion science, coupled with His Holiness' careful, thoughtful, and reflective responses this this book is truly thought-provoking and transformational.
This book recounts a conversation recorded over 39 hours in 2008, several years after the Mind and Life conference in 2000 where the author met His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. What unfolds is a respectful and enlightening dialogue between a scientist and a Buddhist philosopher. There is a genuine push for an objective understanding of human emotion, morality, ethical decision-making, and compassion.
If you would purchase a book by Paul Ekman (a leading behavior, emotion, and compassion researcher) you should be able to forgive the fact that the conversation is mostly driven by him in the role of questioner.
Dr. Ekman's work is foundational in the field of behavior and emotion science, coupled with His Holiness' careful, thoughtful, and reflective responses this this book is truly thought-provoking and transformational.
January 1, 2023
In the first part of the book it felt like Paul was lecturing the Dalai Lama with jargons from western psychological literature and a bunch of unproven hypothesis from his own observation. After first quarter, it become much more personal, conversational, and delivered the amalgamation of eastern and western wisdom that the book promised. I listened to the audiobook, and it was very well crafted and narrated. The book is a back and forth conversation between Paul and Dalai Lama. I loved how they preserved the naturalness of the conversation while making sure that the reader (listener) can follow. This book is a wealth of knowledge about emotional awareness from both cultures. An snapshot of sort. It clarified a number of confusions for me in Buddhist views, also catching me up with western literature.
Thoroughly enjoyed the book. Looking forward to reading more from both authors!
Thoroughly enjoyed the book. Looking forward to reading more from both authors!
April 1, 2024
What my cats Cora, Tilly and I found were that so many other people in the world were also seeking fulfillment out there at the same time while we were reading this book. They were the ones around me the most while I was able to complete it. My father and I went to the zoo yesterday in memory of my mother, a dedicated pianist/organist, among other pursuits. However while she was alive, my mother loved talking about the Dalai Lama and wanted to meet him (of the many things she mentioned).
Anyway, I have largely been avoiding the subject due to emotional difficulties, but I think I have to grow up at some point. My sister has left the house and gone across the country, but I have yet to pursue my dreams in full since I have been trying to overcome certain barriers before I can meet them head-on and also...
I've never actually flown across the Atlantic before.
Anyway, I have largely been avoiding the subject due to emotional difficulties, but I think I have to grow up at some point. My sister has left the house and gone across the country, but I have yet to pursue my dreams in full since I have been trying to overcome certain barriers before I can meet them head-on and also...
I've never actually flown across the Atlantic before.
September 2, 2020
Ekman gets a whole 39 hours with the Dalai Lama, discussing the world of emotion. The two trade personal stories and research findings, basically talking like friends at the coffee shop. How are emotions triggered? What causes the big differences in intensity, duration, and quality of emotion between people? What aspects of emotional life are shared with animals? (This comes up quite a lot, and it's fascinating.) What aspects of emotion have evolutionary survival value? How do moods shape and limit our fields of awareness? What works in overcoming our emotional blinders towards life?
Throughout the discussion these elder gents pull in brief testimonies from social scientists or Buddhist teachers. They think up whole new directions for psychological research. It's fruitful.
Throughout the discussion these elder gents pull in brief testimonies from social scientists or Buddhist teachers. They think up whole new directions for psychological research. It's fruitful.
September 6, 2023
Важная книга в помощь тем, кто помогает людям.
Особенно – психологам, которым уже тесно в рамках западной психологии.
Настоящее название «Эмоциональная осведомлённость» (Emotional Awareness).
Книга-диалог.
Разговор разрозненных Знаний с одной стороны и всеохватывающей Мудрости - с другой. Западный психолог разбирается в том, что восточному буддисту уже ясно.
Книга-навигатор.
Она предельно чётко показывает возможные пути к счастью:
раздробленный западный и целостный восточный.
Книга трудная.
Формулировки тяжёлые. Структура неочевидная.
По сути, она для тех, кто стремится построить
мост между двумя Берегами.
«Пусть каждый, кто установит связь со мной
- увидит меня, услышит меня, или подумает обо мне
- испытает радость и счастье»
Особенно – психологам, которым уже тесно в рамках западной психологии.
Настоящее название «Эмоциональная осведомлённость» (Emotional Awareness).
Книга-диалог.
Разговор разрозненных Знаний с одной стороны и всеохватывающей Мудрости - с другой. Западный психолог разбирается в том, что восточному буддисту уже ясно.
Книга-навигатор.
Она предельно чётко показывает возможные пути к счастью:
раздробленный западный и целостный восточный.
Книга трудная.
Формулировки тяжёлые. Структура неочевидная.
По сути, она для тех, кто стремится построить
мост между двумя Берегами.
«Пусть каждый, кто установит связь со мной
- увидит меня, услышит меня, или подумает обо мне
- испытает радость и счастье»
April 12, 2020
A book picked up on a lark at the library. More Ekman than Dalai Llama I think, but that's good too. Interesting insights into "shades" of anger and resentment.
My takeaways:
* Compassion beyond the nuclear family requires intense cultivation
* Anger with compassion
* Compassion is a manifestation of positive free will, not the hidden "black box" version
* Discussions of humans as social animals, well before social media. (Social media is a misnomer in many ways because it lacks actual social feedbacks)
* How can this be applied in such a toxic world? (This is where homeschooling or unschooling can be beneficial)
My takeaways:
* Compassion beyond the nuclear family requires intense cultivation
* Anger with compassion
* Compassion is a manifestation of positive free will, not the hidden "black box" version
* Discussions of humans as social animals, well before social media. (Social media is a misnomer in many ways because it lacks actual social feedbacks)
* How can this be applied in such a toxic world? (This is where homeschooling or unschooling can be beneficial)
December 11, 2017
Ekman and the Dalai Lama are beautiful conversation partners. I am very impressed by the Dalai Lama's openness to science, and to Ekman's openness to Buddhism. Both remain true to their worldviews but also acknowledge the value of the other's perspective. Emotional awareness is a fascinating topic, and one that should be emphasized more in the West. Having practiced mindfulness meditation has helped me become aware of the sensations in my body that are signs of the onset of an emotion that sometimes otherwise take me by surprise.
August 6, 2018
It’s not to far ago that I avoided such books.
The background of Ekman supporting on Pixar’s movie inside out and his atlas of emotion plus the relationship to the perspective of the Dalai Lama made me curious.
It’s an inside full exchange on the perspective of science on emotion in relation to the Buddhist perspective.
Found it inspiring.
The background of Ekman supporting on Pixar’s movie inside out and his atlas of emotion plus the relationship to the perspective of the Dalai Lama made me curious.
It’s an inside full exchange on the perspective of science on emotion in relation to the Buddhist perspective.
Found it inspiring.
February 19, 2021
Paul Ekman does a lot of the heavy lifting (translated to air time) in this book. I always love reading the conversations between the Dalai Lama and scientists. It inspires me to get out of my own way and evaluate my world views from an outside perspective. The information in this book is both useful and uplifting. Emotional awareness benefits anyone willing to give it the time.
December 18, 2021
I think Paul Ekman’s position in emotional intelligence is really guided by his own experiences and sometimes pushes his own position to fit what the Dalai Lama is saying. I felt like Ekman would retort something just to get the Lama to agree.
Either way, it’s a great read on hearing the positions of emotional awareness in Buddhism. I still recommend.
Either way, it’s a great read on hearing the positions of emotional awareness in Buddhism. I still recommend.
November 5, 2025
I love a conversation about emotional intelligence between a physiologist and Dalai Lama. I believe both had good ideas and opinions on the subject. Only reason I rate it a 3 star is because I went into it with the idea that I would learn more than I did. Some things being said were kind of obvious, but I still enjoyed reading their thoughts on it.
October 9, 2018
Hearing the discussions was interesting, but - for me - rarely enlightening. Keep in mind though that I have read quite a few books on the topics of emotional intelligence, mindfulness, compassion, self-compassion and buddhism lately. If you have not this could provide an excellent introduction. Though a bit disorganized.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews