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Married Roommates: How to Go From a Relationship That Just Survives to a Marriage That Thrives
Are You Married But Living Like Roommates? Do you sleep back-to-back or even separately?
Do you feel lonely, bored, or sexually unfulfilled in your marriage?
If you feel like roommates and want more connection in your marriage, you are not alone.
Millions of couples live empty, parallel lives and wonder, "Is this all there is?"
Talia and Allen Wagner, relationship experts and marriage and family therapists, provide couples with an easy guide to improve their relationship. Through these useful skills couples can learn to create the relationship they both want.
The simple-to-implement tools and strategies will show you how to improve communication, increase appreciation and interest, and learn to reconnect. The creation of better habits will lead you to better results. Living a more satisfying and exciting life together is not only possible, it can happen a lot faster than you may think.
This book helps you reclaim your marriage by learning how
- Communicate effectively without assumptions and misinterpretations
- Resolve conflict by avoiding fights or escalations
- Gain the tools to stop the disrespect, jabs, and low blows
- Grow attraction, improve intimacy, and have a better sex life
- Create new routines and reinvigorate the stale parts of your relationship
- Prioritize one another and work as a team
Do you feel lonely, bored, or sexually unfulfilled in your marriage?
If you feel like roommates and want more connection in your marriage, you are not alone.
Millions of couples live empty, parallel lives and wonder, "Is this all there is?"
Talia and Allen Wagner, relationship experts and marriage and family therapists, provide couples with an easy guide to improve their relationship. Through these useful skills couples can learn to create the relationship they both want.
The simple-to-implement tools and strategies will show you how to improve communication, increase appreciation and interest, and learn to reconnect. The creation of better habits will lead you to better results. Living a more satisfying and exciting life together is not only possible, it can happen a lot faster than you may think.
This book helps you reclaim your marriage by learning how
- Communicate effectively without assumptions and misinterpretations
- Resolve conflict by avoiding fights or escalations
- Gain the tools to stop the disrespect, jabs, and low blows
- Grow attraction, improve intimacy, and have a better sex life
- Create new routines and reinvigorate the stale parts of your relationship
- Prioritize one another and work as a team
223 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 19, 2019
250 people are currently reading
180 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
June 16, 2022
If you or someone you know is married but feel like the relationship has become like roommates this will help you wee how that happens, what you can do to change and the importance to the long term health of the marriage to start.
Often we drift into this type of marriage but it is always dangerous. There are sections on communications, conflict, disappointing connections and sex.
I bought this while doing a study on human trafficking and discovering that many that buy sex are because of a lack of fulfillment at home. I found it helpful in seeing why and how damaging it is to have the relationship needs met outside the marriage.
As a pastor I often use the marriage relationship as a model for our relationship with God and found this valuable in that regard as well since many want a passing, roommate, relationship with God.
Often we drift into this type of marriage but it is always dangerous. There are sections on communications, conflict, disappointing connections and sex.
I bought this while doing a study on human trafficking and discovering that many that buy sex are because of a lack of fulfillment at home. I found it helpful in seeing why and how damaging it is to have the relationship needs met outside the marriage.
As a pastor I often use the marriage relationship as a model for our relationship with God and found this valuable in that regard as well since many want a passing, roommate, relationship with God.
June 3, 2019
This book is for couples who feel as if they are merely roommates and not romantic partners. It breaks life down into 3 phases. The first is the young adult years. The second starts after marriage. The 3rd occurs when the children move out of the house, work life slows down, etc. The first thing it stresses is communication and why it's so difficult. Another is making decisions together. They recommend spending time together doing things, and keeping an active sex life and how to go about doing these things. It's well written and easy to understand. I think this book will be very helpful in mending a couple's relationship.
August 15, 2019
[Note: This book was provided free of charge by Reedsy Discovery. All thoughts and opinions are my own.]
The fate of a marriage turning into a relationship where people are married roommates is not a hard one to envision. I know how things have often been between my roommates and I, days without any kind of communication whatsoever aside from a nod of the head or a wave as one goes off to be alone, schedules that are not always communicated to others, awkward silences as conversations drift into areas of irritation and annoyance, and the like. How does one avoid such a fate? As someone who is not nor has ever been married, this is not the sort of thing I have expertise on, but it is a subject I consider to be of importance, and it is good to see that a married couple has felt confident enough in their own relationship to give others insight on how one can keep the flame of romance alive despite the ravages of time and the entropy that comes into relationships that have been taken for granted and not worked on. And if that is of interest to you, this is a book well worth reading.
This book is, in the version I read, less than 200 pages and is divided into three parts and nine chapters. After a short introduction about the phenomenon of married roommates--something I can recognize in the lives of others, the first part of the book spends three chapters discussing marriage as having a missing owner's manual (I), with a discussion of how marriage find themselves adrift (1), the three acts of life and how they end up showing that marriages have failed to keep up with the changes in the lives of the husband and wife (2), and a discussion of where things have gone wrong between two people that has led them to this state (3). After that there are four chapters that discuss the declining and redefining of marriage (II), which talk about such matters as the need to correct communication between partners (4), conflicts and combat between spouses (5), the loss of connections that can happen over time (6), and the need to increase sexual intimacy between partners (7). Finally, the book concludes with two chapters on building a new normal (III) that includes putting the tips of the book together (8) and planning the way foreword together (9), after which there is an afterword, acknowledgements, and some information about the authors.
One of the more notable aspects of this book is the way that every chapter ends with a series of tips that gives the reader a chance to apply what the book has been talking about. Not all of these tips are particularly good ones--the tips on intimacy include advising couples to watch X-rated movies together as a bonding experience, which assumes that they are not possessed of the highest degree of morality when it comes to their entertainment choices. That said, despite some slipups, including calling truth subjective when what is being considered as subjective is the interpretation one of the partners has about what the other is doing in a given situation, this book gives generally good advice even if that advice is hardly surprising to someone who understands the massive importance of trust and communication within any kind of relationship. Like many books that can be considered self-help books, this book does not give much in the way that would be new or surprising information, but rather gives that information in a way that is appealing to the reader and may prompt some understanding of how things can go awry between husband and wife and how this can be corrected.
The fate of a marriage turning into a relationship where people are married roommates is not a hard one to envision. I know how things have often been between my roommates and I, days without any kind of communication whatsoever aside from a nod of the head or a wave as one goes off to be alone, schedules that are not always communicated to others, awkward silences as conversations drift into areas of irritation and annoyance, and the like. How does one avoid such a fate? As someone who is not nor has ever been married, this is not the sort of thing I have expertise on, but it is a subject I consider to be of importance, and it is good to see that a married couple has felt confident enough in their own relationship to give others insight on how one can keep the flame of romance alive despite the ravages of time and the entropy that comes into relationships that have been taken for granted and not worked on. And if that is of interest to you, this is a book well worth reading.
This book is, in the version I read, less than 200 pages and is divided into three parts and nine chapters. After a short introduction about the phenomenon of married roommates--something I can recognize in the lives of others, the first part of the book spends three chapters discussing marriage as having a missing owner's manual (I), with a discussion of how marriage find themselves adrift (1), the three acts of life and how they end up showing that marriages have failed to keep up with the changes in the lives of the husband and wife (2), and a discussion of where things have gone wrong between two people that has led them to this state (3). After that there are four chapters that discuss the declining and redefining of marriage (II), which talk about such matters as the need to correct communication between partners (4), conflicts and combat between spouses (5), the loss of connections that can happen over time (6), and the need to increase sexual intimacy between partners (7). Finally, the book concludes with two chapters on building a new normal (III) that includes putting the tips of the book together (8) and planning the way foreword together (9), after which there is an afterword, acknowledgements, and some information about the authors.
One of the more notable aspects of this book is the way that every chapter ends with a series of tips that gives the reader a chance to apply what the book has been talking about. Not all of these tips are particularly good ones--the tips on intimacy include advising couples to watch X-rated movies together as a bonding experience, which assumes that they are not possessed of the highest degree of morality when it comes to their entertainment choices. That said, despite some slipups, including calling truth subjective when what is being considered as subjective is the interpretation one of the partners has about what the other is doing in a given situation, this book gives generally good advice even if that advice is hardly surprising to someone who understands the massive importance of trust and communication within any kind of relationship. Like many books that can be considered self-help books, this book does not give much in the way that would be new or surprising information, but rather gives that information in a way that is appealing to the reader and may prompt some understanding of how things can go awry between husband and wife and how this can be corrected.
September 3, 2019
It’s a simple and clever proposition: have you and your partner become “roommates”? Anyone with enough self-awareness for this to resonate should skip this amateur offering and go for a book by, say, John Gottman for substantial insights into improving their marriage. “Married Roommates” is a pseudo-professional effort at best that rests smugly under a clever (though not original) title, but never offers any substantial or science-based support for couples who are in need of real, life-changing support.
Red flag number one: this book includes zero sources or references. Every claim in this book is made solely on the experience of the authors, who are two Hollywood-area marriage counselors (and who are not, by the way, doctors, or, evidently, experienced authors.)
Red flag number two: an oft-repeated recommendation (I counted five references) is to use a “talking jar” to solve communication problems in a marriage. If your therapist recommends putting notes into a jar as the way to solve your problems, be assured they’re most certainly “dialing it in” and not identifying the unique circumstances that have lead to your current situation.
Red flag number three: “Imagine two partners attaching themselves to an invisible potato sack. From that point forward, they must hop along together, in unison, in their shared life, managing to move forward with all the subsequent ups and downs that life brings them.” (“Married Roommates”, p. 41) If groan-worthy metaphors like this are enough to spark action in your love life, then you’d be better off just investing in actual potato sacks.
More groaners: "synergy," (p. vi) "we will show you the way," (p. x) "the dictionary defines 'functional' as..." (p. 5) "communication is important," (p. 75) "try a live music venue!" (p. 153) "the connection between a couple is hard to define," (p. 127) "life does go on," (p. 140) "program reminders into your phone!" (p. 195).
Mrs. and Mr. Wagner have clearly invested high hopes in the “Married Roommates” concept, wishfully capitalizing it throughout the book. They conclude by shamelessly plugging the next book in their “Roommates” series and asking for positive reviews. (And hello! Here we are.)
Do yourself a favor and skip this book entirely.
Red flag number one: this book includes zero sources or references. Every claim in this book is made solely on the experience of the authors, who are two Hollywood-area marriage counselors (and who are not, by the way, doctors, or, evidently, experienced authors.)
Red flag number two: an oft-repeated recommendation (I counted five references) is to use a “talking jar” to solve communication problems in a marriage. If your therapist recommends putting notes into a jar as the way to solve your problems, be assured they’re most certainly “dialing it in” and not identifying the unique circumstances that have lead to your current situation.
Red flag number three: “Imagine two partners attaching themselves to an invisible potato sack. From that point forward, they must hop along together, in unison, in their shared life, managing to move forward with all the subsequent ups and downs that life brings them.” (“Married Roommates”, p. 41) If groan-worthy metaphors like this are enough to spark action in your love life, then you’d be better off just investing in actual potato sacks.
More groaners: "synergy," (p. vi) "we will show you the way," (p. x) "the dictionary defines 'functional' as..." (p. 5) "communication is important," (p. 75) "try a live music venue!" (p. 153) "the connection between a couple is hard to define," (p. 127) "life does go on," (p. 140) "program reminders into your phone!" (p. 195).
Mrs. and Mr. Wagner have clearly invested high hopes in the “Married Roommates” concept, wishfully capitalizing it throughout the book. They conclude by shamelessly plugging the next book in their “Roommates” series and asking for positive reviews. (And hello! Here we are.)
Do yourself a favor and skip this book entirely.
April 12, 2024
I would rate "Married Roommates" by Talia Wagner and Allen Wagner with 4 stars. Despite its simplicity, this book offers a surprising depth of analysis and insight into the dynamics of marriage.
One of the book's strengths is its use of solid, real-life examples to illustrate key points and concepts. These examples not only make the material more relatable but also help readers gain a better understanding of how to navigate common challenges in marriage.
The authors do an excellent job of helping readers recognize where they may go wrong in arguments or disagreements. By shedding light on common pitfalls and offering practical strategies for resolution, they empower readers to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.
I appreciate the emphasis on planning and moving forward together as a couple, rather than simply trying to fix things individually. This approach fosters collaboration and teamwork, which are essential components of a successful marriage.
They do a great job of explaining how couples that have been together for any significant amount of time can fall into a rut for the long-term. I really appreciated how the authors made this seem to be a normal issue that shouldn't create shame or doubt. They discuss it as if it's a normal occurence that is easily fixed- almost like a child falling and scrapping their knee. Sometimes these things happen, and we can lift ourselves up, learn from our mistakes, and move on (better and stronger for the experience).
Overall, "Married Roommates" offers valuable perspective and practical advice for couples looking to strengthen their relationship. It is a must-read for anyone seeking to improve their communication, resolve conflicts, and build a more fulfilling marriage.
One of the book's strengths is its use of solid, real-life examples to illustrate key points and concepts. These examples not only make the material more relatable but also help readers gain a better understanding of how to navigate common challenges in marriage.
The authors do an excellent job of helping readers recognize where they may go wrong in arguments or disagreements. By shedding light on common pitfalls and offering practical strategies for resolution, they empower readers to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.
I appreciate the emphasis on planning and moving forward together as a couple, rather than simply trying to fix things individually. This approach fosters collaboration and teamwork, which are essential components of a successful marriage.
They do a great job of explaining how couples that have been together for any significant amount of time can fall into a rut for the long-term. I really appreciated how the authors made this seem to be a normal issue that shouldn't create shame or doubt. They discuss it as if it's a normal occurence that is easily fixed- almost like a child falling and scrapping their knee. Sometimes these things happen, and we can lift ourselves up, learn from our mistakes, and move on (better and stronger for the experience).
Overall, "Married Roommates" offers valuable perspective and practical advice for couples looking to strengthen their relationship. It is a must-read for anyone seeking to improve their communication, resolve conflicts, and build a more fulfilling marriage.
October 31, 2023
Should be required reading for every couple
Simply amazing, I would definitely recommend this to every couple to read at the start of their life together. This book would save a lot of marriages before they deteriorate.
Simply amazing, I would definitely recommend this to every couple to read at the start of their life together. This book would save a lot of marriages before they deteriorate.
August 13, 2019
It’s amazing how a book not written from a Christian perspective can contain so many of the essential principles that our culture hasn’t been teaching people about marriage. Very well written.
September 25, 2019
No breakthrough information here, mostly common sense.
November 23, 2022
A lot of great advice from LMFTs in the field.
January 18, 2025
Great applicable information
I liked the real life scenarios. Really hit home for me in my marriage. This book is really a marriage saver and therapy if used correctly.
I liked the real life scenarios. Really hit home for me in my marriage. This book is really a marriage saver and therapy if used correctly.
May 1, 2019
I received an advanced copy of this book from Net Galley .
I went into this book thinking I would gleam some helpful advice on communication strategies with my partner, however the first section really turned me off to the rest of the book. There are many references to “the right way” and “fixing it” and general lumping everyone into a typical or “normal” life course. That type of language really didn’t strike me as inclusive of a wide audience of readers and really put a shadow over the rest of the advice in the book for me.
I do believe this book could be helpful for some people, which is why I have it two stars, but this book isn’t for me.
I went into this book thinking I would gleam some helpful advice on communication strategies with my partner, however the first section really turned me off to the rest of the book. There are many references to “the right way” and “fixing it” and general lumping everyone into a typical or “normal” life course. That type of language really didn’t strike me as inclusive of a wide audience of readers and really put a shadow over the rest of the advice in the book for me.
I do believe this book could be helpful for some people, which is why I have it two stars, but this book isn’t for me.
January 6, 2024
It takes two.
Marriage is about being a team. To be a good team you must communicate.
If there is no communication there will always be miscommunication.
Everyone knows that communication is the key to any partnership but there are so many nuances to communication. We aren't mind readers so don't assume the other person knows exactly what you're thinking or saying.
Don't be above getting help. Marriage lows aren't always just a 'rut' that will correct itself. Don't wait until it gets too much to handle. Preventive maintenance is a good key as well.
I was depressed by reading this book. No one likes to think their marriage can become so flat. It puts things and actions into perspective and how you can apply it to yourself and your own marriage.
(I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley.)
Marriage is about being a team. To be a good team you must communicate.
If there is no communication there will always be miscommunication.
Everyone knows that communication is the key to any partnership but there are so many nuances to communication. We aren't mind readers so don't assume the other person knows exactly what you're thinking or saying.
Don't be above getting help. Marriage lows aren't always just a 'rut' that will correct itself. Don't wait until it gets too much to handle. Preventive maintenance is a good key as well.
I was depressed by reading this book. No one likes to think their marriage can become so flat. It puts things and actions into perspective and how you can apply it to yourself and your own marriage.
(I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley.)
April 15, 2019
I think this is an excellent tool for those looking to rekindle the spark in their marriage. Some solid advice.
April 27, 2019
Married Roommates is a quick read with some good information to help your marriage when it becomes a bit dull.
May 30, 2019
My rating: 5/5
As someone who’s been in a relationship and marriage for a long time, I wanted to review this book as I wanted to see what being “married roommates” entailed. It serves as a kind of warning for married couples to not become complacent, but also serves as insight if you do find your marriage falling into this direction.
I actually really enjoyed the mini stories: they were super authentic, and the fact that we see both sides of the issue is helpful and reminds the reader that there are two sides to every issue. There are a lot of no duh advice in here, but that doesn’t mean that maybe we forget as we run through the daily lives as married couples and need a reminder of what’s really important.
This is something that I feel that newly married couples would benefit from.
As someone who’s been in a relationship and marriage for a long time, I wanted to review this book as I wanted to see what being “married roommates” entailed. It serves as a kind of warning for married couples to not become complacent, but also serves as insight if you do find your marriage falling into this direction.
I actually really enjoyed the mini stories: they were super authentic, and the fact that we see both sides of the issue is helpful and reminds the reader that there are two sides to every issue. There are a lot of no duh advice in here, but that doesn’t mean that maybe we forget as we run through the daily lives as married couples and need a reminder of what’s really important.
This is something that I feel that newly married couples would benefit from.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews