Loving Like You Mean It: Use the Power of Emotional Mindfulness to Transform Your Relationships

by Ronald J. Frederick

Being emotionally present is key to a loving connection with a partner. But past neglect makes some people afraid to express their feelings, resulting in cold, insecure, resentful relationships.Loving Like You Mean It is a guided self-help approach to overcoming fear of relationships enabling readers to experience a deeper level of emotional intimacy. Using tools drawn from neuroscience and attachment theory, Dr. Frederick shares his extensive case studies of patients who found themselves increasingly frustrated, lonely, and unaware of their dysfunctional interpersonal patterns.

When people express their feelings in a manner that inspires their partners to engage, it draws them together, increases their sense of safety, security, and trust, and strengthens their connection. Ultimately, what the reader will take away from this book is the knowledge that, with the right tools, real change can and does happen. Our relationships can be fuller and richer than we ever imagined. The capacity for deep, loving connections is inside all of us, just waiting to come out.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction

254 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 30, 2019

Reviews

[Michael Sasson]

A well-integrated walk through combining mindful awareness and attachment theory. Challenging. Useful.

[Lexi Nearman]

this is the second book by Ron Frederick, a queer therapist and author, that focuses on emotions and attachment theory in relation to the people around us. a lot of the emotional mindfulness points weren’t as revolutionary to me since i’ve read his first book, but i really liked reading about the aspects of attachment theory intertwined in our emotions and our emotional responses.

[Natalia Corres]

While this book is focused on unraveling the years of conditioning our experiences have created around how we love, it is a wonderfully insightful way to review and mindfully readjust our responses and assumptions in many other relationship interactions, as well. Admittedly, love is the most important for our wellbeing, and for many, the most elusive. The author, Dr. Frederick, takes us through a straightforward three part process, starting with how we can learn about ourselves unravelling past experiences from our present life; then in part two assisting us in developing skills to recognize and manage our own “programming”, allowing us to find new ways to interact using a four-step process; and in the third part, we see examples of the process in action – via three different people’s experiences and relationship styles. Everyone who wishes to improve their relationships (in love and in friendship) can benefit from reading this book.

[Andy]

A really crucial book with a handy layout and helpful meditations/activities. Gets repetitive at the end, but that didn’t diminish the knowledge, examples, and techniques in this book that I found absolutely life changing!

[Erin Henry]

Wow! So much good information! I hope I can apply it and make my relationships better. I feel like every adult in a relationship should read this.

[Adam]

An interesting psychology book all about attachment theory. If you want to use attachment theory right away I would suggest Stan Tatkin’s Your Brain on Love. If you want to fundamentally adopt attachment theory then this might be the route you go next. There is a brief overview of attachment theory and then most the book are exercises on unraveling situations where you need to develop the theory for use in your life. It was good but kinda basic. Felt like it wasn’t the most useful in your own, you need a psychologist to guide you. But when I finished j had the thought to go through it again and try some of the exercises. I did have some nice I sights into my own issues and am working on them, so maybe it is worth it.

[Charles Reed]

78%

Ronald does a really nice job of showing how you can put out healthy coping mechanisms and heal your inner child and recognize when you're experiencing a negative reaction and what the root cause of that might be.

I appreciate the efforts and the actionable steps along with your goals it's beautiful.

[Jana]

I really liked the concepts in this book (attachment theory and emotional mindfulness) but couldn’t relate to the examples, or the way information was presented. This is likely more my issue than the author’s and based on other reviews this seems to be a great resource for many. It’s inspired me to find other books on this topic to find something that works for me.

[Dawn Taylor]

This book really needs editing! There are many errors and too much repetition. However, the basic content is good. The four steps to take when you get triggered in relationship: recognize and name; stop, drop, and stay; pause and reflect; mindfully relate.

[Rick Sindt]

If you’re ready, this book provides many tools needed to understand how your past impacts your present and the way it plays out in relationships. I recommend to anyone looking to building deeper relationships with the caveat that doing the internal work associated with this book is HARD stuff.

[Robin]

This is such a well thought out book. Where books like 'Attached' stop, this book lays out a path to secure relationships, with enough examples and small meditational exercises to make it practical enough and not just theory.

[Susie]

I'd never read about attachment styles before but this was really helpful in understanding them.

[Natalia Corres]

While this book is focused on unraveling the years of conditioning our experiences have created around how we love, it is a wonderfully insightful way to review and mindfully readjust our responses and assumptions in many other relationship interactions, as well. Admittedly, love is the most important for our wellbeing, and for many, the most elusive. The author, Dr. Frederick, takes us through a straightforward three part process, starting with how we can learn about ourselves unravelling past experiences from our present life; then in part two assisting us in developing skills to recognize and manage our own “programming”, allowing us to find new ways to interact using a four-step process; and in the third part, we see examples of the process in action – via three different people’s experiences and relationship styles. Everyone who wishes to improve their relationships (in love and in friendship) can benefit from reading this book.