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Fleeing Fundamentalism: A Minister's Wife Examines Faith
At a time when the distance between church and state is narrowing and the teaching of intelligent design is being proposed for our classrooms, it is startling and provocative to hear the reasoned voice of a dissident from inside the church. For Carlene Cross, arriving at this shift in belief was a long and torturous journey.
In Fleeing Fundamentalism , Cross looks back at the life that led her to marry a charismatic young man who appeared destined for greatness as a minister within the fundamentalist church. Their marriage, which began with great hope and promise, started to crumble when she realized that her husband had fallen victim to the same demons that had plagued his youth. When efforts to hold their family together failed, she left the church and the marriage, despite the condemnation of the congregation and the anger of many she had considered friends. Once outside, she realized that the secular world was not the seething cauldron of corruption and sin she had believed, and found herself questioning the underpinnings of the fundamentalist faith.
Here is an eloquent and compelling story of faith lost and regained. Certain to be controversial, it is also a brave and hopeful plea for greater tolerance and understanding.
In Fleeing Fundamentalism , Cross looks back at the life that led her to marry a charismatic young man who appeared destined for greatness as a minister within the fundamentalist church. Their marriage, which began with great hope and promise, started to crumble when she realized that her husband had fallen victim to the same demons that had plagued his youth. When efforts to hold their family together failed, she left the church and the marriage, despite the condemnation of the congregation and the anger of many she had considered friends. Once outside, she realized that the secular world was not the seething cauldron of corruption and sin she had believed, and found herself questioning the underpinnings of the fundamentalist faith.
Here is an eloquent and compelling story of faith lost and regained. Certain to be controversial, it is also a brave and hopeful plea for greater tolerance and understanding.
273 pages, Hardcover
First published September 20, 2006
18 people are currently reading
201 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
January 6, 2015
Five stars for the importance of this story in our current time of tea-partyers and mega-churches. This is a story about a brave, highly intelligent woman who didn't buy into the hypocrisy of fundamental Christians. It may be hard for you to read the truths she reveals when studying the facts uncovered by unbiased scientists and academics, but what is clear is how the subservient attitude placed on women in this religion gives male followers the "right" to psychologically abuse their wives (because physical abuse is a no-no). Through reading this book, one gains insight into the psychoses of fervent religious followers, the cult-like teachings and the distrust of any outside information. I have a better understanding of how the tea-partyers gained such high ground in the minds of the U.S. citizenship - it is a look into how ignorance and fear plays a huge role in people's decisions and behaviors.
This is a must read book for anyone who wants to understand why it is important to learn communication strategies that help folks like this understand reality (read: facts) and not the stories their version of the Bible tell them.
This is a must read book for anyone who wants to understand why it is important to learn communication strategies that help folks like this understand reality (read: facts) and not the stories their version of the Bible tell them.
April 6, 2017
This book blew my mind. Heard things about Christianity (especially its history) I'd never heard before, though I too grew up in it. I grew up in Fundamentalism in fact, so I can relate to the environment she portrays.
I was originally going to give the book 4 stars because there were a couple of things about Cross's writing that I didn't like: One, in the preface she begins abruptly, I felt, and also darkly--relating a "vision" she had as a girl of some of the events portrayed in the Biblical book of Revelation. (Fortunately this book got more engrossing for me as it went along.) Two: I thought she made some odd metaphors, often enough that I noticed it as a characteristic of her writing.
Having said all that, I think this book is important enough and gripping enough for 5 stars. I don't know that I agree with all the conclusions Cross came to, but I don't think that's the most important thing. I highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with Christian fundamentalism.
I was originally going to give the book 4 stars because there were a couple of things about Cross's writing that I didn't like: One, in the preface she begins abruptly, I felt, and also darkly--relating a "vision" she had as a girl of some of the events portrayed in the Biblical book of Revelation. (Fortunately this book got more engrossing for me as it went along.) Two: I thought she made some odd metaphors, often enough that I noticed it as a characteristic of her writing.
Having said all that, I think this book is important enough and gripping enough for 5 stars. I don't know that I agree with all the conclusions Cross came to, but I don't think that's the most important thing. I highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with Christian fundamentalism.
February 1, 2009
Part of the reason I am a (very happy) former fundamentalist (of the IFB strain, God help us all), was because of this book. Not only does Carlene Cross give her personal story, but shares research that many in the church don't want people to know.
Regardless of your religious persuasion, this is a very compelling read.
Regardless of your religious persuasion, this is a very compelling read.
September 20, 2011
Having been raised fundamentalist, Ms. Cross's book, "Fleeing Fundamentalism" rang true with me. I could identify with so much of the book that it was a little scary. Beyond that, however, the book was well-written and captivating. It could certainly be enjoyed by those not as familiar with the lifestyle.
I also admire the author's courage in writing the book. I know it is sometimes dangerous, from a societal standpoint, to make negative feelings toward the fundamentalist Church known. I respect Ms. Cross for putting that aside. I am personally grateful to her for writing this book, as I found it helpful, comforting, and insightful.
I encourage anyone to read the book, but especially recommend it to those struggling with a dogmatic, fundamentalist religious upbringing. I know you will find it as helpful as I did. It's always nice to know you are not alone in your struggles and Ms. Cross makes this clear with wit, grace, and style.
I also admire the author's courage in writing the book. I know it is sometimes dangerous, from a societal standpoint, to make negative feelings toward the fundamentalist Church known. I respect Ms. Cross for putting that aside. I am personally grateful to her for writing this book, as I found it helpful, comforting, and insightful.
I encourage anyone to read the book, but especially recommend it to those struggling with a dogmatic, fundamentalist religious upbringing. I know you will find it as helpful as I did. It's always nice to know you are not alone in your struggles and Ms. Cross makes this clear with wit, grace, and style.
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March 28, 2019I read this whole book in less than 24 hours, cramming moments between classes and on the bus. It was fascinating because I grew up in the same world. As it turns out, I know a lot of people who have made this exact journey: fervent fundamentalism, following up on some doubts that church leaders refuse to address, falling away from the faith when they learn about the true origins of the Bible and the hypocrisy of leadership, and eventually coming back to faith.
October 29, 2019
I’m down on Fundamentalism these days.
I read a book about a Fundamentalist Christian pastor just a couple of weeks ago who f’ed almost every woman in the congregation, except for his wife. He killed her.
Now, in this book, a Fundamentalist Christian pastor spends every evening for 10 years at strip clubs. Except for Tuesday evenings. That’s amateur night at the gay bar. The best that can be said for him is he did not kill his wife.
I read a book about a Fundamentalist Christian pastor just a couple of weeks ago who f’ed almost every woman in the congregation, except for his wife. He killed her.
Now, in this book, a Fundamentalist Christian pastor spends every evening for 10 years at strip clubs. Except for Tuesday evenings. That’s amateur night at the gay bar. The best that can be said for him is he did not kill his wife.
July 8, 2015
Fleeing Fundamentalism: A Minister's Wife Examines Faith was a class assignment which I resisted, it not being a topic of much interest but within thirty pages or so, I found the book to be a page-turner. The author is a good and descriptive writer with a sense of humor. I appreciated her thorough nature as she enhanced her biblical study with historical research. Her missionary junket behind the Iron Curtain was tense and suspenseful and the ways in which her marriage to a Northwest Baptist preacher evolved was a shocker, confirming my suspicions about fundamentalist conservatism and misogyny. Her exploratory journey into and away from the confines of this secretive, scary extremism is an enlightening and entertaining trip to another world.
September 15, 2018
Since I've read other books and experienced fundamentalist thinking, this story, while horrifying at times, wasn't a big shocker and was unfortunately very predictable. I feel for the author.
I recommend this for women who are experiencing toxic faith, and for anyone wondering about where current conservative Christian culture came from or why some Christian movements today are love focused and others are completely suppressive of anything different. The picture of the fundamentalist movement of the 1980s is even more influential today than it was then. I see similar pitfalls outlined in this book even in less rigid Christianity.
For some of us, we may not have to abandon our faith as completely as the author, but I think many thinking people, especially women and minorities, raised in a conservative church environment will relate to this book on some level.
I recommend this for women who are experiencing toxic faith, and for anyone wondering about where current conservative Christian culture came from or why some Christian movements today are love focused and others are completely suppressive of anything different. The picture of the fundamentalist movement of the 1980s is even more influential today than it was then. I see similar pitfalls outlined in this book even in less rigid Christianity.
For some of us, we may not have to abandon our faith as completely as the author, but I think many thinking people, especially women and minorities, raised in a conservative church environment will relate to this book on some level.
March 2, 2009
The back of this book says it's written "without invective or blame". I don't think that's entirely true, but it's certainly written with a LOT less invective and blame than I would have written with if I'd been through what the author had been through.
The title is fairly self-explanatory, but what struck me was how many of her close friends in the fundamentalist movement had husbands with sexual addictions. I don't know if that was just a bad bunch or if it's widespread in the fundamentalist arena.
It's hard not to see her shift in beliefs as motivated by her husband's behaviour rather than independent 'self'-determined reasons, but then at the end of the day, we are all motivated by our situations.
An interesting memoir that makes me cherish my freedom.
The title is fairly self-explanatory, but what struck me was how many of her close friends in the fundamentalist movement had husbands with sexual addictions. I don't know if that was just a bad bunch or if it's widespread in the fundamentalist arena.
It's hard not to see her shift in beliefs as motivated by her husband's behaviour rather than independent 'self'-determined reasons, but then at the end of the day, we are all motivated by our situations.
An interesting memoir that makes me cherish my freedom.
August 10, 2009
I really enjoyed this book and recommend it as an eyeopener for the ways of Christian fundamentalists circa 1980. The first part of this book is an autobiographical journey of the author's young womanhood, which includes her attendance of a fundamentalist Christian bible college and marriage to a pastor. The second half of the book, unfortunately, turned into a bit of a soap opera, and in parts was quite vulgar. Reading the entire journey though, gets you through, even though I wouldn't call the ending a typically "happy" one. (I tried to contact the author on Facebook to see where exactly her spirituality stands as of today, but she hasn't responded.)
July 26, 2014
I could not finish this book. She is such a snob. She has absolutely nothing positive to say about her father or how she was raised. It made me sad for him and for her. I found myself thinking, if she can be so harsh just because he happened to be a farmer and she felt that was so far beneath her, how could I find her perspective on fundamentalists to be less biased? Would her critique be from a place of such snobbery and bias as well? I did not like her enough to continue reading to find out.
March 12, 2009
This is not the type of book I would normally read, but I happen to know the author. The story is engaging and interesting, and I learned a lot about Fundamentalism that I didn't know. The author uses a lot of metaphors and similes, some of which I enjoyed and responded to, and others which seemed a bit too elaborate (but maybe that's really the way Carlene thinks, who knows). Overall, a very thought-provoking and riveting read!
April 24, 2018
I could not put it down.
February 25, 2023
This is a terrible book. The narrative may be interesting, but it is false. I know; I escaped from fundamentalism, too. Bible college students do NOT spend their dates memorizing books of the Bible. If they tried to, they would soon find out they cannot do it in two weeks, except possibly for the Book of Jude (1 short chapter). Bible colleges do not put a premium on memorizing books of the Bible, either. The star preacher in that school was supposedly converted only three years ago. No pastor could go out drinking, clubbing, hot tub bathing (naked), or wife swapping with people in his church for so long without somebody finding out. This author made that up. She also said that the Apostle Paul taught in the Book of Timothy that women had to wear hats in church. The nearest any chapter in The Bible comes to saying that is in I Corinthians 11. No poplar tree on earth has a trunk six feet across. Sandstone rafters in a university school library? I don't think so. When this woman's husband fell, as well as the husbands of her close friends, they all fell due to girlie shows and pornography. The book is full of lies, exaggeration, stereotypes, platitudes, and just plain fiction. Oh, and guess what! After describing her scurrilous husband, in the last chapter when he accompanies the family to the airport to see one of the kids off to the Peace Corps, the woman instantly forgives him after not seeing him for months!
April 27, 2023
Oof. That’s heavy. To anyone who thinks she made this stuff up, you need to take note. Toxic people/leaders like this exist and they manipulate in such a way that even years after your eyes are opened you still find yourself questioning if you need your strong boundaries. You do. You question if it was really that bad. It was.
Church doesn’t have to be like this. But in order to have a healthy church (or any relationship/organization), we HAVE to listen to the stories of those who fled. We HAVE to learn from what they are trying to warn us that they saw under a toxic person’s shiny veneer. Instead, we tend to roll our eyes at the “drama” of the one who leaves, and NOT listen to their story, and we allow the toxic leader to remain powerful.
I don’t know if I’d recommend everyone read this because the author is still searching for her truth and someone who is healing may find themselves stirred up with no solid ground to step into. But I would recommend that everyone who is in a situation that people are fleeing from, and you can’t understand why… read this. Find the toxicity and eliminate it completely.
She was brave to write this.
Church doesn’t have to be like this. But in order to have a healthy church (or any relationship/organization), we HAVE to listen to the stories of those who fled. We HAVE to learn from what they are trying to warn us that they saw under a toxic person’s shiny veneer. Instead, we tend to roll our eyes at the “drama” of the one who leaves, and NOT listen to their story, and we allow the toxic leader to remain powerful.
I don’t know if I’d recommend everyone read this because the author is still searching for her truth and someone who is healing may find themselves stirred up with no solid ground to step into. But I would recommend that everyone who is in a situation that people are fleeing from, and you can’t understand why… read this. Find the toxicity and eliminate it completely.
She was brave to write this.
December 14, 2018
I first read this work in the physical form a few years ago. I now have it in ebook format. For those examining the religion, into which they have been indoctrinated or have been raised with, for the first time - it is recommended reading.
Publishers Weekly said it might be controversial for some. This might be true for very few who sit down and read the book. Ms. Cross makes it clear she is examining her own faith and life and she is not unnecessarily harsh towards anyone. She is harsh on hypocrisy, male privilege, and small minds within the church but there have been works, that are harsher, from those who have followed a similar path.
Publishers Weekly also said it might be a little simplistic for some. I could see this being true for those who have left religion many years ago or for those who never participated in any kind of religion, especially Christianity.
Publishers Weekly said it might be controversial for some. This might be true for very few who sit down and read the book. Ms. Cross makes it clear she is examining her own faith and life and she is not unnecessarily harsh towards anyone. She is harsh on hypocrisy, male privilege, and small minds within the church but there have been works, that are harsher, from those who have followed a similar path.
Publishers Weekly also said it might be a little simplistic for some. I could see this being true for those who have left religion many years ago or for those who never participated in any kind of religion, especially Christianity.
February 13, 2019
The author marries a charismatic man who becomes a minster and completely jumps into the fundamentalist christian view of way of life (creationism, women are to be subservient, etc) but then slowly and painfully leaves him and their church. It was interesting to follow her awakening. This review probably shows my bias.
February 14, 2019
I'll be blunt. Ms. Cross has a strong story to tell, and she writes well. But, as a Catholic, I found some things in the early section of the book quite offensive. I think I need to give the book another chance, and will revise this review and rating if or when I finish it.
September 6, 2025
As this book points out so clearly the problem is not Christianity, nor is it spirituality; the problem is fundamentalism. Extreme religion with its rules and its strictness can take a toll on its followers. I found myself rooting for Carlene all the way through her story.
November 9, 2025
I gave this 4 stars because I thought it was well written. I was appalled at the story she told - of who her fundamentalist pastor husband was. I'm sad that she left Orthodox Christianity and is very New Agey now. Reminds me a lot of Sue Monk Kidd...
December 11, 2021
Excellent must read.
January 31, 2024
this felt a bit rushed towards the end idk
March 17, 2010
This memoir served to remind me of the scripture in 1 Timothy where Paul criticizes religious leaders stating that they pay lip service to God but disown him by their works. Raised a fundamentalist, Carlene goes to Bible college and meets her dream man, an up-and-coming preacher named David. They marry and have children and, over the course of their marriage, discover that they don't really believe the teachings of their church. David is also a sex addict and an alcoholic; Carlene's descent into David's twisted world is hard to read about, so it's gratifying to see that she left. Carlene becomes somewhat of a spiritual agnostic during the course of her life after being thoroughy disillusioned by false Christianity. To her credit, she does study religious and biblical history; one wonders exactly what she studied at Bible college, since she gives no mention in the book of having read the entire Bible herself. Her subsequent divorce from David is hard on her children, but her resilience pays off: she attends college and earns a master's in communication. The title is a bit misleading; Carlene doesn't flee fundamentalism as much as she flees religious hypocrisy.
July 3, 2009
As a Bible College graduate myself, I felt Cross's Bible College experience was extreme. She was taught what to think and not necessarily how to think. It's an unfortunate tragedy among the fundamentalist.
As I read this book, it melted my preconceived ideas. Months later, I can't get some of the arguments out of my head. It's a riveting and disturbing story. I felt at the end as if I was only half way through.
I think the sad element of a story like this is that it defines God by the experiences we have with people who claim to follow him or serve him. It's hard to separate the opinions formed when exposed to abusive leaders and realize that God ultimately cares and is concerned for our hearts. The intention of the heart matters more than outward appearances.
It's a must read, but it should be kept in mind that this is one person's experience with religion. There are many great stories of people who have not experienced such loss and heartache at the hands of poor leaders or even poor discipleship.
As I read this book, it melted my preconceived ideas. Months later, I can't get some of the arguments out of my head. It's a riveting and disturbing story. I felt at the end as if I was only half way through.
I think the sad element of a story like this is that it defines God by the experiences we have with people who claim to follow him or serve him. It's hard to separate the opinions formed when exposed to abusive leaders and realize that God ultimately cares and is concerned for our hearts. The intention of the heart matters more than outward appearances.
It's a must read, but it should be kept in mind that this is one person's experience with religion. There are many great stories of people who have not experienced such loss and heartache at the hands of poor leaders or even poor discipleship.
December 7, 2014
Wow. The first part of this book was very difficult to get through because the lifestyle (conservative Christian-Religious Right) is just so foreign to me. I have a really hard time watching people being so manipulated in such humanity-destroying ways and I have trouble understanding why people continue to put up with this nonsense. But this book actually helped me to understand that when you isolate people and continually feed them stories that bind them in fear, they never really consider anything else. Sad but true. The second half of this book made my heart soar. While my life experience has been very different from that of the author, her spiritual journey is remarkably similar to my own. I went through a period of reading everything I could get my hands on to try to make sense of all the messages that are out there. Like the author, I eventually realized I needed to separate spirituality from "rule following" in order to encounter the divine. In doing that after years of rejecting religion, I was able to discover a faith that enriches my life. Excellent book.
October 7, 2015
Carlene Cross discovers that --whoa!-- fundamentalist interpretations of religion favor men. She and her female cronies put up with all sorts of sh*t in the name of their Christian faith, until finally Cross gets sick of her alcoholic minister husband's adultery and leaves fundamentalism behind. She watches sadly from the sidelines as her friends --also ministers' wives-- get STDs from their faithless husbands, and are otherwise downtrodden. Finally she gets a college education and discovers that ancient religions were more female-centered. She blames the Hebrews and the Jewish god as if Christian men's visits to prostitutes were the fault of the Hebrews who brought their male god in and defeated the Canaanite female deities. She doesn't consider pointing a finger at Paul and comparatively recent and very self-serving American Christian interpretations of both Old and New Testament texts; nor does she consider why non-fundamentalist Christianity (say, Catholicism) doesn't stamp women down half as much as the fundamentalists do. Fast, easy read.
August 29, 2007
This book illuminates beautifully the insidiousness of fundamentalism. I related to this author because her thoughts during high school were exactly the same thoughts as mine. Although her life was much more extremely involved in fundamentalism, our lives were parallel in our earlier beliefs and later growth experiences. If you've never been involved in a fundamentalist church or embraced that belief system, it is hard to understand how being a part of that kind of group can slowly take over your life and beliefs. I think this book helps to us to understand how people who are inherently good can become so misguided. It also made me wonder if people who are radical about other religions have had the same experiences of group pressure.
April 19, 2007
Carlene Cross's memoir focuses on her spiritual exploration from the absoluteness of her Christianity (leading to Fundamentalism when she attends a Christian college) and through her extensive religious education. She meets and marries a man in college, who becomes a minister. What begins as a storybook romance becomes a total nightmare. Her story is filled with courage. She doesn't fall into self-pity while telling her story. And although a lot of her story is about Christianity, she doesn't proselytize to her readers. I would definitely recommend this book.
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November 13, 2016Very well-written and the author was able to go back to the voices of her younger self, how she completely accepted the dogma of christian fundamentalism.
Couple things I wondered
a. was there any fundamentalist man (other than her brother) that could live a moral life?
b. if she had 3 school age kids at home as a single mom and working as a waitress and going to UW full time, how did she ever have time for all of those meetings and seminars and performances and evenings in the library that she talks about?
Couple things I wondered
a. was there any fundamentalist man (other than her brother) that could live a moral life?
b. if she had 3 school age kids at home as a single mom and working as a waitress and going to UW full time, how did she ever have time for all of those meetings and seminars and performances and evenings in the library that she talks about?
January 8, 2015
This is a powerful story... Its a true page-turner. I thought I knew a fair amount about Fundamentalism but I had never read anything or heard it told from a personal perspective before. What Carlene shares in her story is more than brave, I believe its actually important. With the power of the religious right in America today, we all need to know the backstory. Thanks for sharing your experience Carlene!
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