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Dementia Together: How to Communicate to Connect
Winner of two 2021 IBPA Gold Benjamin Franklin Awards for Self Help and for Psychology.
Dementia is an illness that causes no physical pain. But just ask anyone who cares about someone with Alzheimer’s or another dementia if their heart isn’t aching. The pain in dementia comes from feeling hopeless, alone, or disconnected from loved ones—but a broken relationship can be healed.
This book is for family members and friends, for spouses, caregivers, and those who simply care. It outlines a path to a life with dementia that includes more life and less illness. With imagination, compassion, empathy, and quiet humor, the real-life stories in Dementia Together show you how to build a healthy dementia relationship.
Because there are ways to communicate that result in greater capacity to receive as well as to provide both warm connection and practical collaboration. Living with dementia gives everyone an opportunity to grow their hearts bigger. This book shows you how.
Dementia is an illness that causes no physical pain. But just ask anyone who cares about someone with Alzheimer’s or another dementia if their heart isn’t aching. The pain in dementia comes from feeling hopeless, alone, or disconnected from loved ones—but a broken relationship can be healed.
This book is for family members and friends, for spouses, caregivers, and those who simply care. It outlines a path to a life with dementia that includes more life and less illness. With imagination, compassion, empathy, and quiet humor, the real-life stories in Dementia Together show you how to build a healthy dementia relationship.
Because there are ways to communicate that result in greater capacity to receive as well as to provide both warm connection and practical collaboration. Living with dementia gives everyone an opportunity to grow their hearts bigger. This book shows you how.
- GenresNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2020
20 people are currently reading
70 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 4, 2020
This book has helped me keep my sanity. I look after my mother who has some dementia and I was finding it really hard to stay patient and loving. This book helped me to explore my attitude and to become more interested in what my mother was really trying to communicate. It has helped us to find a way to have fun together again. When I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, I can open this book up and it is like having a wise friend whispering in my ear. It's a keeper.
February 9, 2020
This book is a treasure as it opens the possibility of finding meaning and joy in what would otherwise be a dispiriting and tragic situation. The author, Pati Bielak-Smith offers a profoundly wise model for relating to a loved one even as that person is changing and losing memory.
The template of releasing our judgment and attachment to the way things were gives guidance not only for the painful reality of caregiving a demented person, but of actually transforming our minds in any difficult situation. Discovering a lightness and openness in the midst of suffering will benefit the patient and perhaps even more the caregiver
Written in clear, compassionate language that is easily understandable, this book deserves wide readership, even beyond the community for which it was intended. One only hopes to hear more from this author.
The template of releasing our judgment and attachment to the way things were gives guidance not only for the painful reality of caregiving a demented person, but of actually transforming our minds in any difficult situation. Discovering a lightness and openness in the midst of suffering will benefit the patient and perhaps even more the caregiver
Written in clear, compassionate language that is easily understandable, this book deserves wide readership, even beyond the community for which it was intended. One only hopes to hear more from this author.
January 13, 2020
I read this book cover to cover in an afternoon and found it extremely easy to read, profound and thought provoking too. I recommend it to anyone facing a journey of dementia whether personally or professionally.
March 5, 2023
Some very good information on helping communicate (not just with dementia patients).
Some of it was a tough read but got a lot of helpful insight on patience and feeling
Some of it was a tough read but got a lot of helpful insight on patience and feeling
January 3, 2020
This is a beautiful book, with a great heart.
The author presents a way of being with those who live with dementia in such a connecting way. I found her suggestions and examples really useful, not just for connecting with those with dementia, but also to my own stories and difficulties.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who cares about anyone.
The author presents a way of being with those who live with dementia in such a connecting way. I found her suggestions and examples really useful, not just for connecting with those with dementia, but also to my own stories and difficulties.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who cares about anyone.
January 13, 2020
ENDORSEMENTS OF DEMENTIA TOGETHER
“Emphasises how authentic relationships are at the heart of supporting
someone with dementia. Makes a compelling case for how—with a curious
and empathic approach to communicating—two-way connections can be
enriched over time. Practical and humane, this book is recommended for
anyone caring for or about a person with dementia.”
—TIM BEANLAND, PhD, Head of Knowledge, Alzheimer’s Society
“A vitally important and helpful book on an essential topic.”
—PETER J. CONRADI, PhD, Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature
and author of Iris Murdoch: A Life
“A book that acts as a guide in the richest sense: lucid, compassionate, and
illuminating.”
—NICCI GERRARD, award-winning journalist and author of
The Last Ocean: A Journey Through Memory and Forgetting
“Many recent books have been written about dementia care but none
attempt to understand the experience of dementia for the sufferer as well as
Dementia Together. Pati Bielak-Smith’s insights will be both practical and
inspiring to professional and family caregivers who are often running to
stand still in their caring roles and preoccupied with what the person with
dementia cannot do rather than what they can.”
—DR. CLAIRE LAWTON, consultant in old age psychiatry
“This delightful book introduces the reader to the possibility that dementia
does not have to be the end of our relationship with a loved one but the
beginning of a new and possibly an even closer one. For all of us, this book
brings home how empathy is the key to a good relationship.”
—LAMA SHENPEN HOOKHAM, PhD, author of
There Is More to Dying Than Death
“A fascinating insight into dementia through the eyes of another health
care assistant. A very interesting read, one that I highly recommend.”
—SOPHIE ANN ELIZABETH Mc CLAY, professional caregiver
“This is a very sweet book about connecting with people who have dementia
using empathy and honesty. All people who care for others need to read this
book. Not only will it help you do a better job, but it will make your life more
wonderful by decreasing stress and increasing enjoyment of the moment.
By understanding how to listen to the meaning under the words and the
behavior of people, you will save yourself a lot of angst judging people,
creating separation, and adding more violence to the world, and you will be
able to create intimacy and connection.”
—MELANIE SEARS, RN, MBA, PhD, author of Humanizing Health Care:
Creating Cultures of Compassion With Nonviolent Communication
“Written in a clear and confident style, with honesty, humility, and empathy
based upon her own relationships with people living with dementia, the
narrative is often poignant, sometimes funny, and always respectful, even
when communication is tricky and connection seems elusive. The power of
this book is in its honest simplicity and the heartfelt courage to share joint
experiences and learning. We are invited to ‘grow a bigger heart.’ That’s a
challenge we can all aspire to, and at the end of the day, what we all hope
we might be offered, especially if living with a dementia.”
—DANUTA LIPIŃSKA, National Dementia Care Award winner,
and author of Dementia, Sex and Wellbeing
“Contented Dementia by Oliver James opened my eyes to new ways of
thinking about dementia care. This book by Pati Bielak-Smith goes much
further, with real practical approaches that will help carers, families,
and professionals develop better ways to work with people who have this
condition.”
—DR. AVRIL DANCZAK, FRCGP FRCP AoME BSc PGCE,
GP/primary care medical educator and lead author of
Mapping Uncertainty in Medicine: What Do You Do
When You Don’t Know What to Do?
“Emphasises how authentic relationships are at the heart of supporting
someone with dementia. Makes a compelling case for how—with a curious
and empathic approach to communicating—two-way connections can be
enriched over time. Practical and humane, this book is recommended for
anyone caring for or about a person with dementia.”
—TIM BEANLAND, PhD, Head of Knowledge, Alzheimer’s Society
“A vitally important and helpful book on an essential topic.”
—PETER J. CONRADI, PhD, Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature
and author of Iris Murdoch: A Life
“A book that acts as a guide in the richest sense: lucid, compassionate, and
illuminating.”
—NICCI GERRARD, award-winning journalist and author of
The Last Ocean: A Journey Through Memory and Forgetting
“Many recent books have been written about dementia care but none
attempt to understand the experience of dementia for the sufferer as well as
Dementia Together. Pati Bielak-Smith’s insights will be both practical and
inspiring to professional and family caregivers who are often running to
stand still in their caring roles and preoccupied with what the person with
dementia cannot do rather than what they can.”
—DR. CLAIRE LAWTON, consultant in old age psychiatry
“This delightful book introduces the reader to the possibility that dementia
does not have to be the end of our relationship with a loved one but the
beginning of a new and possibly an even closer one. For all of us, this book
brings home how empathy is the key to a good relationship.”
—LAMA SHENPEN HOOKHAM, PhD, author of
There Is More to Dying Than Death
“A fascinating insight into dementia through the eyes of another health
care assistant. A very interesting read, one that I highly recommend.”
—SOPHIE ANN ELIZABETH Mc CLAY, professional caregiver
“This is a very sweet book about connecting with people who have dementia
using empathy and honesty. All people who care for others need to read this
book. Not only will it help you do a better job, but it will make your life more
wonderful by decreasing stress and increasing enjoyment of the moment.
By understanding how to listen to the meaning under the words and the
behavior of people, you will save yourself a lot of angst judging people,
creating separation, and adding more violence to the world, and you will be
able to create intimacy and connection.”
—MELANIE SEARS, RN, MBA, PhD, author of Humanizing Health Care:
Creating Cultures of Compassion With Nonviolent Communication
“Written in a clear and confident style, with honesty, humility, and empathy
based upon her own relationships with people living with dementia, the
narrative is often poignant, sometimes funny, and always respectful, even
when communication is tricky and connection seems elusive. The power of
this book is in its honest simplicity and the heartfelt courage to share joint
experiences and learning. We are invited to ‘grow a bigger heart.’ That’s a
challenge we can all aspire to, and at the end of the day, what we all hope
we might be offered, especially if living with a dementia.”
—DANUTA LIPIŃSKA, National Dementia Care Award winner,
and author of Dementia, Sex and Wellbeing
“Contented Dementia by Oliver James opened my eyes to new ways of
thinking about dementia care. This book by Pati Bielak-Smith goes much
further, with real practical approaches that will help carers, families,
and professionals develop better ways to work with people who have this
condition.”
—DR. AVRIL DANCZAK, FRCGP FRCP AoME BSc PGCE,
GP/primary care medical educator and lead author of
Mapping Uncertainty in Medicine: What Do You Do
When You Don’t Know What to Do?
September 23, 2025
It did a good job explaining the philosophical ideas and execution of dealing with difficult situations. I liked that they really explored the mind of someone with dementia, instead of claiming “there’s no logic” which I’ve seen in other books.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews