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Parenting Children of Trauma: The Foster-Adoption Guide to Understanding Attachment Disorder
*First Place Winner of the Royal Dragonfly Award in How-To Books, First Place Winner of the Royal Dragonfly Award in Psychology Books, Winner of Book Excellence Award in Parenting*
Do you ever feel confused about what went wrong in your foster or adoption story? Are you fearful about the future of your marriage and your children? Do you ever feel overwhelmed and desperate for help?
You are not alone.
Many foster and adoptive parents are raising children with complex emotional trauma, desperate for answers to heal their families. Caught off guard, these families find themselves with shattered dreams, shattered homes, and shattered hearts, with nowhere to turn for answers. Extended family members, friends, and the greater community don't understand the challenges and can sometimes add to the problems these families face, sometimes prolonging the healing process for all.
Attachment disorder is cruel.
This book is for the wonderful-hearted people who stepped into adoption with dreams of loving a child to wholeness, only to find that children who hurt sometimes hurt people. This book is for parents who feel overwhelmed, desperate, and depleted. Or for the friend or family member who has watched the adoption story of their loved one unravel and felt helpless.
Marcy Pusey’s family has lived their own version of hope and hell in learning what real love looks like for these children. It took their marriage to the brink, their own personal mental health to its limits, their family to some dark places—but they came out in a brighter place. They surfaced with the support of their community, their dedication to making it, and a whole lot of prayer. Before Marcy was raising kids with attachment disorders, she was therapeutically supporting families who were. And now she offers this hope and help to you.
Parenting Children of Trauma brings you everything she’s learned as mama, friend, and counselor, in a new and easy-to-understand way
Demystifying attachment disorders and the impact of complex emotional trauma on our homes and society.Breaking down current treatment options for attachment disorders.Equipping you with information, strategies, and stories to know you are not alone or powerless in your own home.Resources specifically for the friend or family member who wants to support adoptive/foster families.Whether you're already in this situation, thinking about stepping into it, or know someone who is in it, this book will help you set realistic expectations, redefine love, and walk away with actual tools to change the climate of your heart and your home.
Scroll to the top and click the “buy now” button
Do you ever feel confused about what went wrong in your foster or adoption story? Are you fearful about the future of your marriage and your children? Do you ever feel overwhelmed and desperate for help?
You are not alone.
Many foster and adoptive parents are raising children with complex emotional trauma, desperate for answers to heal their families. Caught off guard, these families find themselves with shattered dreams, shattered homes, and shattered hearts, with nowhere to turn for answers. Extended family members, friends, and the greater community don't understand the challenges and can sometimes add to the problems these families face, sometimes prolonging the healing process for all.
Attachment disorder is cruel.
This book is for the wonderful-hearted people who stepped into adoption with dreams of loving a child to wholeness, only to find that children who hurt sometimes hurt people. This book is for parents who feel overwhelmed, desperate, and depleted. Or for the friend or family member who has watched the adoption story of their loved one unravel and felt helpless.
Marcy Pusey’s family has lived their own version of hope and hell in learning what real love looks like for these children. It took their marriage to the brink, their own personal mental health to its limits, their family to some dark places—but they came out in a brighter place. They surfaced with the support of their community, their dedication to making it, and a whole lot of prayer. Before Marcy was raising kids with attachment disorders, she was therapeutically supporting families who were. And now she offers this hope and help to you.
Parenting Children of Trauma brings you everything she’s learned as mama, friend, and counselor, in a new and easy-to-understand way
Demystifying attachment disorders and the impact of complex emotional trauma on our homes and society.Breaking down current treatment options for attachment disorders.Equipping you with information, strategies, and stories to know you are not alone or powerless in your own home.Resources specifically for the friend or family member who wants to support adoptive/foster families.Whether you're already in this situation, thinking about stepping into it, or know someone who is in it, this book will help you set realistic expectations, redefine love, and walk away with actual tools to change the climate of your heart and your home.
Scroll to the top and click the “buy now” button
208 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 15, 2019
205 people are currently reading
159 people want to read
About the author
Marcy Pusey
44 books35 followersMarcy Pusey is an award-winning author of many bestselling books for adults and children, an international two-time TEDx speaker, and the Founder of Miramare Ponte Press. With her passion for storytelling and commitment to uplifting others, Marcy loves inspiring her readers with powerful tales that touch the heart and stir the soul. She also enjoys helping fellow authors pursue their writing dreams by providing them with coaching, consultation, and publishing services.
Marcy has spent her whole life helping others. Through her work as a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor and Certified Trauma and Resilience Practitioner, she helps people discover the emotional tools and support they need to grow beyond trauma and embrace their lives to the fullest. Her two TEDx talks, “How Story Empowers Kids to Shape our World” & “You Are More Than Your Traumatic Experiences”, have garnered international attention.
Marcy is proud to lead a life of adventure. She’s tossed pizzas for a pizzeria, sang in a musical, advocated for families with special needs, made appearances in a few movies, and mimed with balloon animals at the Halifax Busker Festival. She’s also the mother of four humans and two pups. For more information about Marcy and her work, visit her website at www.marcypusey.com or www.miramarepontepress.com
Marcy has spent her whole life helping others. Through her work as a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor and Certified Trauma and Resilience Practitioner, she helps people discover the emotional tools and support they need to grow beyond trauma and embrace their lives to the fullest. Her two TEDx talks, “How Story Empowers Kids to Shape our World” & “You Are More Than Your Traumatic Experiences”, have garnered international attention.
Marcy is proud to lead a life of adventure. She’s tossed pizzas for a pizzeria, sang in a musical, advocated for families with special needs, made appearances in a few movies, and mimed with balloon animals at the Halifax Busker Festival. She’s also the mother of four humans and two pups. For more information about Marcy and her work, visit her website at www.marcypusey.com or www.miramarepontepress.com
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
November 10, 2020
I was pretty unimpressed with this book. I was hoping for more actionable information and strategies and things and less of a marketing pitch for the author's other books, and also for absolutely none of "your child will be cured/helped by finding Jesus." A lot of the stuff in this book just seemed really obvious. Like, yeah, love doesn't fix everything, but I didn't think it would and could you give some actual advice instead of just saying that?
August 13, 2025
If you are a foster/adoptive parent or thinking about being a foster/adoptive parent please read this book! I wish I had found and read this sooner.
March 2, 2022
Oh wow. I started out really enjoying this book and feeling I could learn a lot, and in the first section I did. The author walks through and breaks down various types of attachment disordered behavior according to the DSM, a few anecdotes, and explanation in layman‘s terms. Where she lost me, however, is with simply how much she does not seem to even like her kids, and says not one single positive thing about kids in care.
One of the threads through this book is that you are an amazing parent, you are doing enough, and these kids are the problem. In a lot of circumstances that may be true, and it’s not a blanket statement - this further becomes problematic when she does not address the racial and socioeconomic disparity between many privileged foster families and many kids who end up in care. It is all predicated on the children have experienced horrible trauma which gives them attachment disorders. However, it is well documented that disproportionate numbers of youths of color end up in foster care having been removed from their original homes for no good reason. In cases like these, (which are very common!) The trauma is indeed originating from the new foster parents. Especially compounded for youth of color ending up in a white families, which is an entire different level of ongoing trauma. I truly do not believe you can parent nonwhite children the same as white children, because of the inherent power dynamics in parent child relationships to begin with.
I can go on, and maybe I will come back to this if I am feeling frustrated someday, but I think this book was disappointing and in many ways insensitive.
One of the threads through this book is that you are an amazing parent, you are doing enough, and these kids are the problem. In a lot of circumstances that may be true, and it’s not a blanket statement - this further becomes problematic when she does not address the racial and socioeconomic disparity between many privileged foster families and many kids who end up in care. It is all predicated on the children have experienced horrible trauma which gives them attachment disorders. However, it is well documented that disproportionate numbers of youths of color end up in foster care having been removed from their original homes for no good reason. In cases like these, (which are very common!) The trauma is indeed originating from the new foster parents. Especially compounded for youth of color ending up in a white families, which is an entire different level of ongoing trauma. I truly do not believe you can parent nonwhite children the same as white children, because of the inherent power dynamics in parent child relationships to begin with.
I can go on, and maybe I will come back to this if I am feeling frustrated someday, but I think this book was disappointing and in many ways insensitive.
October 18, 2019
A hero is one who knows how to hang on for one minute longer. —Norwegian proverb
"My saying "yes" because of obligation or people-pleasing or anything other than my sheer desire is going to be unloving. I must know my motivation, and if my motivation isn't love from within a healthy understanding of myself, and an integrity to live honestly, then it's not love.
I see this in the Bible as well. Where I had always focused on the sacrificial aspects of love, I had conveniently glossed over the boundaries in the Bible. And to be honest, I've always kind of hated the word "boundaries." It feels so mean. But the reality is, they are the most kind thing you can offer and uphold. I truly believe this now. And I see this demonstrated in the love of Christ. Yes, He gave the ultimate sacrifice—His very life, because that's what we needed. Yet, in His sacrifice, He didn't compromise on the boundaries. Sin is still sin, the way to heaven is still the way to heaven. His gift to us bridged a gap. Made a way. Reconciled us."
"My saying "yes" because of obligation or people-pleasing or anything other than my sheer desire is going to be unloving. I must know my motivation, and if my motivation isn't love from within a healthy understanding of myself, and an integrity to live honestly, then it's not love.
I see this in the Bible as well. Where I had always focused on the sacrificial aspects of love, I had conveniently glossed over the boundaries in the Bible. And to be honest, I've always kind of hated the word "boundaries." It feels so mean. But the reality is, they are the most kind thing you can offer and uphold. I truly believe this now. And I see this demonstrated in the love of Christ. Yes, He gave the ultimate sacrifice—His very life, because that's what we needed. Yet, in His sacrifice, He didn't compromise on the boundaries. Sin is still sin, the way to heaven is still the way to heaven. His gift to us bridged a gap. Made a way. Reconciled us."
July 16, 2021
I'm not parenting a child in trauma, but trauma is of interest to me with the children and families I've worked with in the past. What I found most helpful in this book was getting a fuller understanding that attachment disorders are tricky to work with. This is worth a read for any educator or practitioner working with children who have experienced trauma who isn't fully aware of what AD looks like and how easily triangulation can happen. It also outlined a few treatments/therapies I've never been introduced to.
May 13, 2022
EVERY sensible, studied, authoritative, compassionate book about childhood trauma helps to fill in those puzzle pieces necessary in helping broken kids conquer their demons. Like every book like this, I read every word with a critical mind, take what I need, and leave the confusing or questionable behind.
February 4, 2022
This was a great audiobook. I especially liked that the author isn't only a therapist but also a foster mom. She knows what it really likes and has seen firsthand what trauma does to a child and the family that cares for it.
My foster son is ten years old now but he was a six months baby when we got him. Raising him has been challenging from the first day. We tried so many therapies and techniques, but nothing helped. He is diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and NLD, but I have always been sure it was the attachment trauma causing his behavior. Listening to this audiobook confirmed this for me, this book could be about him because he has every symptom of AD.
I liked that everything got explained in an understandable and simple language. For me, it was important to hear that it was not my fault. I blame myself for my son's behavior. The voice in my head keeps telling me I must be doing something wrong if he behaves like that. Hearing someone who has been in my shoes tell me it's not you, you have done nothing wrong, and getting the explanation behind what happened, was an eye-opener.
The narrator, Dana DiAngelo, had a soft voice that was pleasant to listen to for a longer time.
I recommend this audiobook to every mother who is raising a foster- or adoptive child.
My foster son is ten years old now but he was a six months baby when we got him. Raising him has been challenging from the first day. We tried so many therapies and techniques, but nothing helped. He is diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and NLD, but I have always been sure it was the attachment trauma causing his behavior. Listening to this audiobook confirmed this for me, this book could be about him because he has every symptom of AD.
I liked that everything got explained in an understandable and simple language. For me, it was important to hear that it was not my fault. I blame myself for my son's behavior. The voice in my head keeps telling me I must be doing something wrong if he behaves like that. Hearing someone who has been in my shoes tell me it's not you, you have done nothing wrong, and getting the explanation behind what happened, was an eye-opener.
The narrator, Dana DiAngelo, had a soft voice that was pleasant to listen to for a longer time.
I recommend this audiobook to every mother who is raising a foster- or adoptive child.
September 19, 2022
This book is not at all what I was looking for. I was just looking for ways to better support my 13 year old with c-ptsd. I am Jewish, my husband is Pagan. I would not have bought this book if I had realized it was from a “Christian perspective.” And by “Christian perspective,” I don’t mean that the author just happens to be religious. I mean that content of the book itself was uncomfortably Jesus-y. It wasn’t just mentioned occasionally in passing. I had to skip entire paragraphs because it got *weird.*
There’s nothing wrong with writing books from a Christian perspective, but it should be clearly listed as such. Nothing in the title, description, or the free sample suggested it was religious in any way. It caught me really off guard.
As for the rest of the actual content, also not super helpful. If you’re looking for a book that talks about how apparently awful it is to live with a child who has an Attachment Disorder, you’re in luck. Very little of this book was actually about the children. It was much more about how the children impacted the parents. It was giving strong Autism Speaks vibes (which is *not* a compliment)
There isn’t a whole lot of practical advice until basically the last chapter, and it wasn’t worth slogging through everything else to get there.
There’s nothing wrong with writing books from a Christian perspective, but it should be clearly listed as such. Nothing in the title, description, or the free sample suggested it was religious in any way. It caught me really off guard.
As for the rest of the actual content, also not super helpful. If you’re looking for a book that talks about how apparently awful it is to live with a child who has an Attachment Disorder, you’re in luck. Very little of this book was actually about the children. It was much more about how the children impacted the parents. It was giving strong Autism Speaks vibes (which is *not* a compliment)
There isn’t a whole lot of practical advice until basically the last chapter, and it wasn’t worth slogging through everything else to get there.
February 12, 2022
Another great fostering book
This is the type of book I needed when my wife and I had our first biological children
The author gets rid of the fluff of parenting and tells you the nitty gritty of how to keep yourself sane through the process of having a foster child
Her advice not only applies to foster parents but to biological parents as well
The author also gives resources for programs that foster parents can try, but when it comes down to it, the key details I get from the book are keep your boundaries, don’t negotiate with kids, and try your hardest to keep yourself mentally good, regardless of the kids actions
Skip to the second half of the book to get the majority of the good stuff
I recommend this book to any parent
This is the type of book I needed when my wife and I had our first biological children
The author gets rid of the fluff of parenting and tells you the nitty gritty of how to keep yourself sane through the process of having a foster child
Her advice not only applies to foster parents but to biological parents as well
The author also gives resources for programs that foster parents can try, but when it comes down to it, the key details I get from the book are keep your boundaries, don’t negotiate with kids, and try your hardest to keep yourself mentally good, regardless of the kids actions
Skip to the second half of the book to get the majority of the good stuff
I recommend this book to any parent
April 22, 2019
Loving Kids - Especially When They Ask For Love in the Most Unloving Ways
While I will never be a foster or adoptive parent, I am an educator. This is the first time in my career that I have worked with foster kids. The saying, "Kids that need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways," rings true throughout this book. Kudos to all of you who are foster parents or foster-to-adopt parents. It's not an easy road. Anyone who is thinking of being a foster parent or adoptive parent should read this book.
While I will never be a foster or adoptive parent, I am an educator. This is the first time in my career that I have worked with foster kids. The saying, "Kids that need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways," rings true throughout this book. Kudos to all of you who are foster parents or foster-to-adopt parents. It's not an easy road. Anyone who is thinking of being a foster parent or adoptive parent should read this book.
December 7, 2021
Audiobook. This was such a wonderful and affirming book! The family effects of RAD are very much there although the child makes sure their crazy-making is very carefully hidden from view.
I appreciate her candor and vulnerability to share their experiences and conforming that caretakers of these children are NOT crazy, and that these children don't respond as expected to "normal parenting techniques. "
I appreciate her candor and vulnerability to share their experiences and conforming that caretakers of these children are NOT crazy, and that these children don't respond as expected to "normal parenting techniques. "
March 5, 2023
This book really resonated with me and as a foster parent who is constantly looking for tips, tricks, knowledge and grace to help my kids. It made me realize my partner and I are doing the best we can and also a great job. We don't always get the successes we hope for but there is no lack of effort. Thank you for writing all my thoughts and experience down. It really saves me the trouble! Loved this book.
February 6, 2023
There should be a special notation for zero stars. This book was so bad it made me angry. I can’t believe the author was a foster & adoptive parent. It’s full of religious garbage & awful pseudo science. I’ll be putting up reviews in more places in the hopes that no one wastes their time or money reading this.
February 28, 2025
So Good!
I didn't know how bad I needed this book until I came across it. I have had tears rolling down my face since I started it. I felt like I had a friend for a few days, who really understood what was going on in my world. This book made me realize I'm not alone. I think I highlighted 80% it. I recommend it to anyone who has a child who has been diagnosed with an AD.
I didn't know how bad I needed this book until I came across it. I have had tears rolling down my face since I started it. I felt like I had a friend for a few days, who really understood what was going on in my world. This book made me realize I'm not alone. I think I highlighted 80% it. I recommend it to anyone who has a child who has been diagnosed with an AD.
April 16, 2020
Amazed
This book outlines my own journey through adoption and attachment disorder. It’s filled with useful information for both parents and children. I’m going to get her other books too.
This book outlines my own journey through adoption and attachment disorder. It’s filled with useful information for both parents and children. I’m going to get her other books too.
October 29, 2020
Excellent! Lots of good resources, advice, encouragement.
October 16, 2021
One of the most useful read on raising traumatized children I’ve read so far. I’ll be coming back to this one on repeat.
May 13, 2023
This is a very informative book that was easy to read and understand. Not overly clinical.
dnf
November 17, 2025I may go back to this some day. There is some good diagnostic info in it if you want to understand the nitty gritty behind the various trauma-related diagnoses. I just wasn't able to finish.
August 8, 2023
I wish she would have spent more on the how to fix it. Felt rushed towards the end.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews