When the Cradle is Empty: Coping with Infertility

by John Van Regenmorter, Sylvia Van Regenmorter

Having a child is a cherished dream for most of us. But what happens when nothing happens--or a pregnancy ends in tragedy? Authors John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter share their own experience in When the Cradle Is Empty: Answering Tough Questions about Infertility. With wisdom, compassion, and sound biblical advice, this comprehensive guide helps couples explore their options, get the medical help they need, deal with pressures from family and friends, and protect their marriage.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Christian Non Fiction, Marriage

168 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2004

Reviews

[Candace · Rating 4 out of 5]

When the Cradle is Empty is a book about infertility written by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter and published by Focus on the Family and Tyndale. The authors seek to answer tough questions about infertility, including chapters on the journey, the pain, holidays, marriage, family and friends' questions, prayer, treatments, miscarriage, infant death, secondary infertility, adoption, and moving on. Yes -- it covers the whole spectrum. In some ways it is an overview of information, but in other ways it speaks directly to the couple struggling to find words and explanations for what they feel.

The first few chapters were the hardest to get through because they were the most painful to read. Chapter 1, "A Journey Begins," outlines the seven steps most couples go through in their process of infertility and pain. Chapter 2, "Pitfalls Along the Path," may re-open wounds couples have tried to close forever, as it may remind them of the specific pitfalls that they've faced. Chapter 3, though only a few pages long, speaks of the loneliness and hopelessness of infertility, attempting to shed light on the question so many have asked: "Why Does Infertility Hurt So Much?"

It seems the authors had intended those first few chapters to pry open their readers' hearts. They quote from Phil Nienhuis, a professional family therapist, who says, "One cannot begin to recover from pain, until he or she is willing to own the pain and acknowledge that it is real" (33). Hope and help are on the way, they promise, in the subsequent chapters.

Chapters four through fifteen do indeed offer hope and help. Some of the help is very practical, such as a list of agencies and organizations that provide infertility counseling and services; or the explanation of the different types of ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology); or the steps a couple goes through in the process of adoption. Some of the help is spiritual, such as verses and stories that encourage and speak directly toward a hurting heart. Some of the help is just plain common-sense, such as advising couples to recognize their boundaries or giving couples words to say when the inevitable questions come or even setting time-limits to how much time they spend talking about infertility. And then, thankfully, some of the help isn't really help at all. It's simply experienced people reminding couples that there may not be easy answers or fix-all band-aids, and that's okay. We may never know the "why's" of infertility, but God is with us, and He is guiding this seemingly unsteady path. The reminder of hope is always welcome.

I definitely recommend this book, not only to couples facing infertility but to their families and friends who may want a closer look into their hearts. Not everything resonated with me, of course, just as not every chapter will click with its reader, but enough of it did that I would suggest anyone wanting to understand those struggling with infertility better to read it.

[K Noelani · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very informative and inspiring book for believers struggling with infertility. I will be keeping this book close by for reference and inspiration.