Relational Intelligence: The People Skills You Need for the Life of Purpose You Want

by Dharius Daniels, Judah Smith (Foreword)

Considering Jesus's relational model for choosing the twelve disciples, Relational Intelligence will walk you through how to assess your relationships, define them, discern them, align them, and finally activate your relationships to unlock your greatest potential.

Years of ministry leadership experience and personal experience have convinced Dr. Dharius there's no such thing as a casual relationship. All relationships are catalytic - either pushing us forward into our God-given purposes or holding us back. Our spiritual, physical, financial, emotional, and professional progress is greatly impacted by who we allow to be a part of our lives and what part we allow them to play. With our destiny on the line, relationships are too consequential to nonchalantly roll the dice in managing them.

Relational Intelligence is your action plan for getting smart about your purpose partners. Relationships were God's idea, writes Daniels, and when we understand and apply what God has to say about them we end up avoiding unnecessary relational turmoil, advancing in all areas of our life, and accomplishing our God-given purpose.

When your purpose is on the line, the cost of relational unintelligence is too great to pay. In this book, you will explore and learn how to activate the relational intelligence you need for the life of purpose you want.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Self Help, Leadership, Personal Development, Faith, Psychology

220 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 28, 2020

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Dharius Daniels is the founder and lead pastor of Change Church. Relational Intelligence is a great book in helping the reader unlock the greatest gift on earth- relationships.. This book will help you learn how to discern and distinguish the relationships that you desire, to strengthen relationships, to lead in relationships and to be intentional about relationships. This book is great because it gives the reader tools and tips on how to love unconditionally in the process, without compromising. Your greatest gift is being in relationships with people, don't miss out on the opportunity to refine those relationships and your relational intelligence.

I really enjoyed this book and have it highlighted in several places. My favorite chapter was about defining my relationships. It helped me to take time and really look at the relationships that are important to me and worthy of my investment.

Grab your copy today! You will be thankful you spent the time investing in your relationships.

[Sinekqua Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything about this book. This book opened my eyes to a lot of things and, it also helped me put some of my relationships in the arm correct category..... It also gave me courage to be the friend that God wants me to be..... Did I mention this book is AWESOME!!!!!

[Miah · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was therapy homework!! always working on adjusting/improving relationships & their boundaries. created good space for self-reflection!!! very helpful and very good! i really liked it :)

[Taisha Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading this book with a book club, I love the thoughts of assessing friendships/relationships/mentors/mentees and knowing where everyone should fit in for the "season." I thoroughly enjoyed the book and will continually look over it for my assessments.

[Annie · Rating 3 out of 5]

When giving advice on relationships, the author often cites verses from the bible. Much of the content is like sermons. There is some good, basic advice like having friends who bring joy into your life. If they don't, it's time to re-evaluate and change the nature of those relationships.

[Wade Dundee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book challenging me in my relationships, but the concepts were easily applicable. It prompted a lot of reflection.

[Rianna *Hermione* B · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's about self-evaluation and "friend" eval.

Has very good biblical principles for it, too.

[Daunavan Buyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful book. Lots of super practical information on healthy re wlationships and the types of relationships we need. I love how he affirmed over and over again that self care is stewardship. Such a great reminder and so helpful when applied to relationships.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

such a good read!!

[Debby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book had been available about 40 years ago. This is a tool everyone should have in their life skills arsenal for better relationships and smoother sailing in the various types of relationships throughout our lives.

Thank you, Dr. Daniels!

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very strong and solid advice along with a good biblical standing

[Nduku · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great wisdom

You know you need to define your relationships, but this book gives clarity and definition on to how to do this and why it is important to do so. And not only for ourselves, but for the glory of God and his purpose in our lives. I appreciate the wisdom.

[EKUE Carlita-Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Must have... Your perspective on relationships will be altered...

Your perspective on relationships will be altered... Learning people skills is a must to be successful at anything... I am growing out of being an introvert to be more social and this book had definitely guide me through practical steps to be successful at being the person I want to have in my corner

[Shell Vera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I’ve been on a quest to reset how I saw my relationships and ensure my “tables was set properly” in terms of who I had in my life and what roles they serve. This book affirmed so many decisions as well as taught me how to think clearly in other areas where I was leading with emotion. I’ve listened to the audible multiple times and still ordered the hardcover so I can have a copy to outline and ensure I fully take it all in. So many good parts... so many takeaways that will change the trajectory of your life if implemented! Totally recommend for anyone who is wanting to go to next level but struggles with people pleasing and understanding that boundaries are for our benefit not others’.

[Denise Nickerson · Rating 4 out of 5]

[AUDIOBOOK] 🎙️- June

[PHYSICAL] 📖 - December

This book was a blessing at a point in my life where I needed to put the language to some of the things I’ve long done in my life but didn’t understand the why.

I always felt guilty or like I was mean in how I accessed and reevaluated so many of my relationships in life, but this book was a great confirmation, of God, that I have a high sense of relational intelligence.

It also showed me so many areas where I lacked, specifically the work I could do to be a better friend to those around me. To be what they need me to be, and not what I think they need me to be based on my own needs.

Wow. Such a refreshing read!

[EMMANUEL · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book... I honestly like. I want to say something nice. Because the book wasn't that bad. Wasn't great. Wasn't all that good. But. Wasn't that bad.

The book's context. Well... Let's just say, "Common Sense". And. Like... I honestly am so confused how the novel industry is developing into. It's like, "no offense..." the quality. "There is none."

It's like. Anyone could write a book. About. Nothing. And. Get praised for something that is quite honestly. Useless.

This book. Is not bad. Not Good. Not at all Great. Not at all useful. But. This book, did show the author was at least educated. And. Actually was decently able to have a meaningful conversation that generates a possible opportunity to a fulfilling friendship. A Relationship generally.

So like basically. Dharius is not at all a bad person. He's not stupid. He's not dumb. Generating this insight off this book. Which is possible, because... this book is after all about relationship assessment and understanding. And. This review is my relationship insight about him. Through Dharius's book. This book. "Relational Intelligence".

Also. Dharius's account is very much the common understanding of how all relationships are founded. Which. In his account, was presented adequately well. I would say... "Commendable. Why? Like... really, think about it. Is it easy to explain what a relationship is, and what relationships are influenced by and are of revolution?" Thought Provoking, I hope my "quote" would be.

Lastly. I found this book on an instagram story. On Justin Bieber's Instagram story. I was looking for another book to read... and, surprisingly - "Justin had a book he suggested on his Instagram Live Story - How ironic of the alignment."

[James Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Book! Well Organized and Easy to Read!
Frankly, I had never given much thought about my relationships until I read this book. I thought that I had lots of “friends.” However, after reading "Relational Intelligence," I now understand there is a difference between an associate that I interact with on social media and a friend. One of the high-points for me was Part 1: Defining Your relationships. It helped me to take the time to really look at certain people in my life and if they were worthy of my investment of time. Still, other chapters resonated with me in different ways. At my last pastorate, there were no boundaries. People called or came by my house at all hours. Some church members were insulting, belittling, and condescending. Looking back, it would have been wise for me to set boundaries. Also, as a minister, I am given many “assignments.” This book helped me to realize there are some assignments that I can’t help. I must be able to discern when it is time to “shake the dust off” my feet and move on. All in all this is an excellent book. I highly recommend it.

[Vics · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this should be a required reading as early as middle school. Learning the role that others play in your life and how to navigate those roles are essential. I am guilty of quickly calling someone my friend before they or I have proven to be friendly. Dr. Daniels does a wonderful job of breaking down the meaning of friends, associates, and those who are your assignment. He then backs everything up with scripture. I truly enjoyed when he referenced Jesus and Him having a close inner circle (three disciples) then the remaining nine being friends, while the 70 others who followed Him were associates. Jesus even controlled how He confided in each group. We must properly acknowledge the relationships in our lives and remove those that are no longer serving us. In order to do this you must approach the situation with grace and keep the focus on your needs in regards to a healthy relationship. I truly recommend this book if you are looking to become a better communicator and to protect your peace. It is important to set boundaries and constantly put yourself first.

[Keara Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was good in terms of encouraging the reader to think about the relationships in your life critically, freeing any guilt (especially Christian guilt) that you might feel for feeling the need to distance yourself from some people or any weirdness you may feel for being very direct and thoughtful in your communication in your relationships. So I liked that. I did think the categories he provided -friends, advisors, assignments and associates were both helpful in terms of allowing space to acknowledge that though someone may play certain roles like family, classmate or boss that doesn’t mean you have to see them as someone you’re obligated to have a certain level of vulnerability with. At the same time, I feel like there was a missed opportunity to discuss the intersection between the categories the author provided and the big roles people hold in our lives (romantic partner, mother, boss, mentee, etc). Still great to evaluate and reflect on your relationships and who you are in them.

[Luke Watts · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mostly helpful guide to wisely managing your relationships. The author seems to have people in similar positions of high level leadership like himself, as it leaves little nuance for lay leaders in churches or even just general life and business. It was insightful in some of its principles, but if the categories are taken too far, I think serious damage could be done to witness and testimony. In hindsight, I know what it feels like to to be categorised in a “lower” category, at times by people who neglected their role and responsibilities to aim for working others in “higher” categories. When you know it’s happening, you move on yourself, when you diagnose in retrospect, it can be hurtful and condescending. In pastoral ministry, I’m not convinced you get options of such categories in the definite terms this title suggests, but the broader understanding is still important to keep in the back of one’s mind, it does not belong at the forefront of forming or maintaining or committing to relationships.

[Rick Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Good Friend gifted this to me. Thank you friend for it.

Pg: 146, How to Communicate when relationship dynamics change. This was new for me. A lot of times, we make assumptions. We say, "Oh, this person doesn't care about me anymore."

It seems good to communicate in those situations.

Question from the Book:

When two Pastors were applying for Job. The other person, a friend, bad mouthed the other person to get the Job? There seems to be no way to counteract it.

I liked, how he quoted Henry Cloud, and boundaries.

I would recommend people reading more on relationship.

My Review on Boundaries

I recommend this as the foundation work.

My Review on Attachment Theory

Deus Vult,
Gottfried

[Brooke • bibbidibobbidiibrooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book because it categorized relationships and showed how each person has a certain place in your life. These relationships can also change from time to time, so he showed the importance of assessing your relationships regularly. Dr. Dharius Daniels writes about how we can assess which category each person in our life belongs in, how we can move people into the correct categories, and how we can remove people who are not fitting into our lives. He also stresses the importance of evaluating ourselves and our place in relationships as well. I loved learning about relationships through this book and he had a lot of important messages to share about them. I also enjoyed how he used scripture to back up his statements, showing that relationships have worked in certain ways even in biblical times and we can learn from them. I highly recommend this if you are struggling with relationships in your life!

[Jennipha Ricks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Relational Intelligence by Dharius Daniels is your go-to guide for building better relationships and living a purpose-driven life. Dr. Daniels breaks it down into three key areas: awareness (understand yourself and others), alignment (identify which relationships fit your purpose), and action (build trust and resolve conflict). It’s packed with practical advice, real-life examples, and biblical wisdom that’s accessible to everyone.

The writing feels like a chat with a wise mentor engaging, relatable, and full of heart. The hardcover looks sharp, but it’s the content that shines. This book isn’t just about fixing broken relationships; it’s about creating meaningful ones that help you and others thrive. Whether you’re a leader, parent, or just someone who wants better connections, this book is for you. Ready to level up your people skills? Grab it. It’s a game-changer.

[faith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book very insightful and helpful in the sense that it made me more aware of the power in relationships and the negative implications people can have on one's life. As a Christian, it can feel like we have the duty to be friends with everyone and go above and beyond for every single person but this book reminds me that I don't need to do that at all ( and God never asked me to do that either)
I would recommend this book to anyone whos looking to assess their relationships at a deeper level / gain a bit more insight on Gods ordained plan for relationships through the scriptures.
One of my favourite quotes from this book is :

" Right questions give us right clarity. Good questions give us good clarity. When clarity becomes greater, decisions become easier "

[Paul K. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential Read for Everyone

As someone who didn’t grow up properly understanding relationships, either you were my friend or not. This book opened my eyes on how I could improve myself in my relationships, how realignment in my relationships is essential not just for me but for others in fulfilling our God given purpose. The scripts for conversations was so needed and appreciated, as well as the practical aids at the end. OMG this book will be like my bible for relationships. Absolutely LOVE it. A game changer for sure. Thanks so much Dr. Daniels....could you be a brothers advisor, ”I’m open to different ways of what that would look like” ;) lol

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

First off WOW. This book was very well-written and organized, I absolutely loved this book! This book gave me so much clarity of the current and past relationships I've experienced in my lifetime, which is what I've struggled with. I personally feel that each chapter resonated with me in different ways. I like how he breaks down the relationships we have in our life into four categories: friend, associate, advisor, and assignment. This enabled me to take a step back and take a look at the the relationships in my life that no longer served me any purpose. I am very grateful for this book. In addition, I love how he makes reference to other authors throughout the book. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

[Alice GiovannaT · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book SO much. I first heard Dr. Dharius Daniels on a podcast & had to check him out more. I found his podcast & he just gives me gems every week. This book is so needed as we, as a society, are really struggling with communication & boundaries. In here not only does he give us Bible versus to hold onto but also practical steps to live our best life. We can only live well if those around us are good for us. I loved that he says “people aren’t bad but maybe they’re bad for you.” This hit me because people don’t have to be bad for them not to belong in our life, some people just don’t fit & that’s okay.

[Pudensiana · Rating 4 out of 5]

How do you navigate the relationships in your life? How do you categorize the relationships in your life? How do you handle the relationships in your life? Are you able to recognize the different relationships in your life & categorize them accordingly? Are you able to recognize the shift in the different relationships in your life?

Failure to recognize the different relationships in your life & categorizing them accordingly can have dire consequences. One biggest take away from me is that we need discernment when it comes to the different relationships in our lives.


I would 100% recommend this book!

[Isá · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you so much For Dharius Daniels. Many of the things anchored in this book I knew and so much I did not. It was the wisdom, the knowledge, the examples, and the love in every page of this book that kept me going. Ever since I encountered digitally Dr Dharius Daniels on a preaching session my life was changed. I see so much of myself in him and this book helped remind me of that so much.

Highly recommend and know if you're looking for something anchored God but with practical examples and applications this is for you.

[Susan Anderson Misey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed Daniels book and found new ways to look at relationships, both personal and professional, and especially those that do not live up to one's expectations. The Scriptural support for each major point strengthens Dr. Daniels' overall thesis. This is a great book for anyone wondering how to have more discernment in choosing friends, associates, advisors, and assignments. It also explains how to be better at each of these areas as well.

I first saw Dharius Daniels on Joni Table Talk and became intrigued by his work. His book lived up to my expectations. Excellent.