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Borderline Shine: A Memoir
A therapist's story of complex trauma and her remarkable journey to recovery.
When Connie Greshner was eight years old, her father walked into a bar in Ponoka, Alberta, and shot her mother. So began a young life defined by trauma. From Catholic boarding school in Kansas to the streets of the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver, Connie travelled in pursuit of acceptance and belonging. Grief, confusion, and shame manifested as depression, addiction, and promiscuity. Branded chronically suicidal with no hope of recovery by the mental health system, Connie was determined to heal herself and help others. Supported and inspired by exceptional friends, a love of books, and a connection to nature, she finally found her home, purpose, and peace.
In Borderline Shine , Connie breaks the silence and shame of intergenerational violence. With unflinching honesty she chronicles her unique journey through the darkness of suffering to the light of compassion, hope, and recovery.
When Connie Greshner was eight years old, her father walked into a bar in Ponoka, Alberta, and shot her mother. So began a young life defined by trauma. From Catholic boarding school in Kansas to the streets of the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver, Connie travelled in pursuit of acceptance and belonging. Grief, confusion, and shame manifested as depression, addiction, and promiscuity. Branded chronically suicidal with no hope of recovery by the mental health system, Connie was determined to heal herself and help others. Supported and inspired by exceptional friends, a love of books, and a connection to nature, she finally found her home, purpose, and peace.
In Borderline Shine , Connie breaks the silence and shame of intergenerational violence. With unflinching honesty she chronicles her unique journey through the darkness of suffering to the light of compassion, hope, and recovery.
256 pages, Paperback
Published March 10, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
February 17, 2020
“Borderline Shine: A Memoir” is an absorbing story of extreme trauma, mental illness, addiction and recovery written by Connie Greshner. On June 29, 1979 Connie’s mother was shot to death by her husband in Ponoka, a providence of Alberta, Canada. The memoir begins with the darkness, despair and confusion of the author as an eight year old child unable to understand the change, the profound loss and the whispers of stigma and shame surrounding her family name.
Initially, Connie Greshner lived with her Aunt Hilda and Uncle Jack and was dutifully taken to visit her father at the Edmonton Institution, a maximum security prison. Connie was offered no explanations of events or where her four older siblings were living. Eventually Connie was sent to Saint Mary’s Academy, a Catholic boarding school. Sprinkled with holy water and supervised by a house mother on each floor, Connie grew to find a measure of comfort in the routine, rules and structure of institutionalized care. As an older youth when she returned to public school, she turned rebellious, was targeted and/or bullied other students and received attention from the school and other authorities due to her defiance that resulted in bad conduct and poor choices.
As a young woman, Connie cycled through relationships, jobs, and varying degrees of homelessness. After suicide attempts she received psychiatric care, hospitalizations, and other mental health services. Unfortunately, with her SMI (severe mental illness) combined with alcohol and substance use disorders, recovery and improvement was incredibly slow. A criminal offense was also added to Connie’s record. Nearly every relationship with relatives and siblings were strained to a breaking point. After serving eight years on a life sentence, Mr. Greshner was released from prison for good behavior.
With high academic scores and multiple college scholarships Connie continued her education at the University of Lethbridge. In time, she graduated with honors. Connie was one of six candidates accepted for a clinical psychology program at Simon Frasier University in Vancouver B.C. This should have led to a proud positive life change in the right direction. Instead, Connie barely remembered defending her thesis, cramming facts and figures the night before-- emerging bleary eyed before a panel of academics. After being awarded her master’s degree, she would wait ten long years before finding a position in the psychological field. Eventually, marriage, motherhood, and family life afforded Connie a (previously unknown) love and stability that was desperately needed.
When writing about trauma in a story form as this book, the author must write for the reader. The repetitive loops of conflict and drama can be handled either privately or in the office of a therapist: because these situations happened, or is the “truth” of the author, doesn’t mean such details need to always appear on the page. Without more specific time frames the storyline was a challenge to follow. This was a good and inspirational story illustrating that even the worst of family situations (including those that involve murder) can be overcome leading to happier productive lives of health and wellness. (3.5*GOOD) **With thanks to Dundurn Press (Canada) via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.
Initially, Connie Greshner lived with her Aunt Hilda and Uncle Jack and was dutifully taken to visit her father at the Edmonton Institution, a maximum security prison. Connie was offered no explanations of events or where her four older siblings were living. Eventually Connie was sent to Saint Mary’s Academy, a Catholic boarding school. Sprinkled with holy water and supervised by a house mother on each floor, Connie grew to find a measure of comfort in the routine, rules and structure of institutionalized care. As an older youth when she returned to public school, she turned rebellious, was targeted and/or bullied other students and received attention from the school and other authorities due to her defiance that resulted in bad conduct and poor choices.
As a young woman, Connie cycled through relationships, jobs, and varying degrees of homelessness. After suicide attempts she received psychiatric care, hospitalizations, and other mental health services. Unfortunately, with her SMI (severe mental illness) combined with alcohol and substance use disorders, recovery and improvement was incredibly slow. A criminal offense was also added to Connie’s record. Nearly every relationship with relatives and siblings were strained to a breaking point. After serving eight years on a life sentence, Mr. Greshner was released from prison for good behavior.
With high academic scores and multiple college scholarships Connie continued her education at the University of Lethbridge. In time, she graduated with honors. Connie was one of six candidates accepted for a clinical psychology program at Simon Frasier University in Vancouver B.C. This should have led to a proud positive life change in the right direction. Instead, Connie barely remembered defending her thesis, cramming facts and figures the night before-- emerging bleary eyed before a panel of academics. After being awarded her master’s degree, she would wait ten long years before finding a position in the psychological field. Eventually, marriage, motherhood, and family life afforded Connie a (previously unknown) love and stability that was desperately needed.
When writing about trauma in a story form as this book, the author must write for the reader. The repetitive loops of conflict and drama can be handled either privately or in the office of a therapist: because these situations happened, or is the “truth” of the author, doesn’t mean such details need to always appear on the page. Without more specific time frames the storyline was a challenge to follow. This was a good and inspirational story illustrating that even the worst of family situations (including those that involve murder) can be overcome leading to happier productive lives of health and wellness. (3.5*GOOD) **With thanks to Dundurn Press (Canada) via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.
January 13, 2020
This book was a fascinating read on the subject of trauma and family issues. It follows the life of author Connie Greshner after her family goes through extreme trauma in early days, and how it affected her as she went along with her life afterward. It seemed to affect every part of her life, from friendships, relationships with family and men, and even her education and sobriety. I found it very readable, as she kept struggling along, trying to find her way through. There would be periods of great progress and then a relationship breakup might throw her into a tailspin and a total reversal for a time.
This memoir is quite an amazing road to recovery for those who like that type of memoir, you might want to check it out. I found the last quarter particularly well done. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Connie Greshner, and Dundurn Press.
This was first published on my WordPress blog, viewable here:
https://wordpress.com/post/bookblog20...
This memoir is quite an amazing road to recovery for those who like that type of memoir, you might want to check it out. I found the last quarter particularly well done. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Connie Greshner, and Dundurn Press.
This was first published on my WordPress blog, viewable here:
https://wordpress.com/post/bookblog20...
January 12, 2020
Borderline Shine a memoir by Connie Greshner
This is my first memoir I've ever read. With it's focus on trauma and borderline personality disorder, I can very easily connect with this book.
I rate this book a 4 out 5 stars. ⭐⭐⭐⭐
This is a very intriguing book, a very solid look into trauma and the cycle it can very easily cause. It also shows you how you can turn your life in a whole other direction, rather than continue on that cycle. Thank you @netgalley for the arc. #bookreview #booknerd #bookstagrammer #bookstagram #borderlineshine
Description from GoodReads:
When Connie Greshner was eight years old, her father murdered her mother. After her family was torn apart, she was sent alone to a Catholic boarding school in Kansas.
Connie’s identity was formed in this strange world, with shame manifesting as rebellion, until she returned to Canada and her brother’s care. Depression, addiction, and promiscuity spiralled out of control as she tried to cope and find the help she needed. Connie’s forays into the mental health system were unhelpful, and, after several suicide attempts, she decided to pursue a career as a mental health therapist so that she could help others.
This is my first memoir I've ever read. With it's focus on trauma and borderline personality disorder, I can very easily connect with this book.
I rate this book a 4 out 5 stars. ⭐⭐⭐⭐
This is a very intriguing book, a very solid look into trauma and the cycle it can very easily cause. It also shows you how you can turn your life in a whole other direction, rather than continue on that cycle. Thank you @netgalley for the arc. #bookreview #booknerd #bookstagrammer #bookstagram #borderlineshine
Description from GoodReads:
When Connie Greshner was eight years old, her father murdered her mother. After her family was torn apart, she was sent alone to a Catholic boarding school in Kansas.
Connie’s identity was formed in this strange world, with shame manifesting as rebellion, until she returned to Canada and her brother’s care. Depression, addiction, and promiscuity spiralled out of control as she tried to cope and find the help she needed. Connie’s forays into the mental health system were unhelpful, and, after several suicide attempts, she decided to pursue a career as a mental health therapist so that she could help others.
January 29, 2020
*Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for a honest review*
A fascinating look into the mind of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. In my opinion, BPD is one of the most misunderstood mental illnesses in the world. It develops differently in people and for different reasons. The symptoms and subsequent behaviours are widely different.
Borderline Shine was told with unflinching honesty about every step of the authors life. It detailed how the illness affected her and the behaviours she engaged in. By the end of the book, it echoed an inspiring message of hope and how if you don’t give up it’s possible to achieve great things. Beautifully told story that broke my heart time and time again, but also left me with the important message of never giving up.
A fascinating look into the mind of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. In my opinion, BPD is one of the most misunderstood mental illnesses in the world. It develops differently in people and for different reasons. The symptoms and subsequent behaviours are widely different.
Borderline Shine was told with unflinching honesty about every step of the authors life. It detailed how the illness affected her and the behaviours she engaged in. By the end of the book, it echoed an inspiring message of hope and how if you don’t give up it’s possible to achieve great things. Beautifully told story that broke my heart time and time again, but also left me with the important message of never giving up.
February 8, 2020
Borderline Shine is Connie Greshner’s personal story of dealing with complex childhood trauma and mental illness. When Connie was 8 her father shot and killed her mother and was sentenced to life in prison (he was later released on good behavior). At the time (1980’s), where she resided in Alberta, Canada, there was no real safety net for child victims of trauma, and Connie and her siblings were left to fend for themselves without any real input from any child services. Connie, the youngest, was bounced around between living with older siblings, an aunt and uncle, a boarding school in Kansas, before making her own way while still in her teens. Academically brilliant she got through high school, university, and graduate school, despite her many moves around the country, and despite her deep dives into depression, alcoholism, substance abuse, and unhealthy relationships.
I related to some parts of Connie’s life, also having dealt with complex childhood trauma without having been provided a real option to unpack and heal, resorting to alcohol to power through a difficult adolescence and early adulthood. Even in today’s world there is still a stigma when it comes to trauma and mental health, and if you make it apparently “unscathed” into adulthood you are then “OK”. As humans we are strong and very resilient, and very adept at putting on a show of being OK. Books like Connie’s tell us that it’s actually OK to tell the truth and seek help. I had a little issue with how Connie continued to slightly normalize her alcohol abuse, mainly near the end where she states that she let herself have one beer here and there - it felt a little strange, but at the same time I’m in no place to judge someone else’s alcohol consumption! Everyone’s path to sobriety and self-care is different.
One thing that I wish the author had included were more perspectives from those around her. The memoir is very much a tunnel vision of Connie’s own experience and I would have liked to hear more from Theresa, Jace, Jax, Jennifer, Maeve, Jo-Anne, etc. We effectively end up only seeing Connie as she sees (or saw) herself, which is obviously not how everyone else sees or saw her. I also wish that the topic of intergenerational trauma and violence had been developed rather than just alluded to. But otherwise it is a well-written and helpful memoir on trauma, mental illness, advocacy, and recovery.
Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.
I related to some parts of Connie’s life, also having dealt with complex childhood trauma without having been provided a real option to unpack and heal, resorting to alcohol to power through a difficult adolescence and early adulthood. Even in today’s world there is still a stigma when it comes to trauma and mental health, and if you make it apparently “unscathed” into adulthood you are then “OK”. As humans we are strong and very resilient, and very adept at putting on a show of being OK. Books like Connie’s tell us that it’s actually OK to tell the truth and seek help. I had a little issue with how Connie continued to slightly normalize her alcohol abuse, mainly near the end where she states that she let herself have one beer here and there - it felt a little strange, but at the same time I’m in no place to judge someone else’s alcohol consumption! Everyone’s path to sobriety and self-care is different.
One thing that I wish the author had included were more perspectives from those around her. The memoir is very much a tunnel vision of Connie’s own experience and I would have liked to hear more from Theresa, Jace, Jax, Jennifer, Maeve, Jo-Anne, etc. We effectively end up only seeing Connie as she sees (or saw) herself, which is obviously not how everyone else sees or saw her. I also wish that the topic of intergenerational trauma and violence had been developed rather than just alluded to. But otherwise it is a well-written and helpful memoir on trauma, mental illness, advocacy, and recovery.
Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.
January 27, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
What an incredible journey of life this author has experienced and written. She writes about how a childhood trauma can turn one's life upside down and each of the family members involved has various, mostly unhealthy, ways of dealing with that trauma. The amazing drive to become successful in a field that also helped heal herself was quite a rocky road. I applaud her for getting her life straightened out and to be able to reconcile with her family
What an incredible journey of life this author has experienced and written. She writes about how a childhood trauma can turn one's life upside down and each of the family members involved has various, mostly unhealthy, ways of dealing with that trauma. The amazing drive to become successful in a field that also helped heal herself was quite a rocky road. I applaud her for getting her life straightened out and to be able to reconcile with her family
January 19, 2020
I am responsible for creating my own joy
This book gave me so much insight into the subject of depression and suffering from it . I think each person copes with what life throws at them in different ways. Those that choose to use substances such as drugs and alcohol have just chosen a different path than others. We should not judge but should try to understand. I do think they have a long, hard road to recovery.
I commend Connie on her recovery and on learning to cope with tragic events in a less destructive manner. I am glad she finally found a good life and peace within herself.
It can’t have been easy for her to write her story, I am glad she did, because it has given me some understanding of this social condition and those that might suffer from it. I also think it could possible help others to seek treatment for a similar condition, should they read it.
I would recommend this book.
Thanks to Connie Greshner, Dundum Press and NetGalley for allowing me to read an advance copy of this book.
This book gave me so much insight into the subject of depression and suffering from it . I think each person copes with what life throws at them in different ways. Those that choose to use substances such as drugs and alcohol have just chosen a different path than others. We should not judge but should try to understand. I do think they have a long, hard road to recovery.
I commend Connie on her recovery and on learning to cope with tragic events in a less destructive manner. I am glad she finally found a good life and peace within herself.
It can’t have been easy for her to write her story, I am glad she did, because it has given me some understanding of this social condition and those that might suffer from it. I also think it could possible help others to seek treatment for a similar condition, should they read it.
I would recommend this book.
Thanks to Connie Greshner, Dundum Press and NetGalley for allowing me to read an advance copy of this book.
February 1, 2020
Borderline Shine is about creating a person outside of your trauma that you can learn to love.
“It’s a shitty hand, but you have to play the cards you’re dealt.”
If reading about a promiscuous alcoholic doing blow off a dumpster outside of a dive bar doesn’t phase you, certainly give this a read. I promise you she prevails.
“It’s a shitty hand, but you have to play the cards you’re dealt.”
If reading about a promiscuous alcoholic doing blow off a dumpster outside of a dive bar doesn’t phase you, certainly give this a read. I promise you she prevails.
August 15, 2023
I read this biography in under 24 hours so it is fascinating, and even hopeful, despite the harrowing life journey it describes. Connie Greshner has written an honest and useful book, poignant in her continual longing for a real home and her many attempts to achieve that goal. Not just a house but a place of safety, a permanent place of residence with people she cares about and can depend on and love. Productive work in her community where she could use her talents and help others.
It is not quite a 'Tara Westover' level of drama and redemption, but a good read non the less.
Also it may be more useful to the health care profession as a reset of the baseline for who can be helped, and how late it life that help can make a tremendous difference.
She has a prodigious intellect with an exceptional capacity to learn, so, not an example of 'anybody can do it' but she has shown that good things are possible for individuals in even the most dysfunctional of families.
I will remember this story for much longer than I expected. Well done.
It is not quite a 'Tara Westover' level of drama and redemption, but a good read non the less.
Also it may be more useful to the health care profession as a reset of the baseline for who can be helped, and how late it life that help can make a tremendous difference.
She has a prodigious intellect with an exceptional capacity to learn, so, not an example of 'anybody can do it' but she has shown that good things are possible for individuals in even the most dysfunctional of families.
I will remember this story for much longer than I expected. Well done.
September 22, 2024
I was pleasantly surprised by the writing in this book. I had pretty low expectations and they were surpassed, which is always nice.
It was a different experience reading a memoir and knowing so many of places talked about. I live 45 minutes from Ponoka. Most of the places she went, I’ve been to. Ponoka, Lacombe, Bentley, Blackfalds, RedDeer, Lethbridge, Kelowna, Vancouver, Tofino, Cathedral Grove, Radium etc
She’s lived a life I can’t even imagine. Coming through what she’s wrestled with and beaten is inspiring.
I think she has a pretty high view of herself and her importance though. It kind of grated on me when she, as a married woman, would say things like “I decided that our family should move into a new, bigger home”
“I sent [her husband] to the vet”
“I made the decision that instead of a U Haul, we would hire movers to transport our major belongings”
“I deemed that we couldn’t even wait for the movers to finish if we were to make it to our hotel that night”
Overall a good book that was interesting to read and wouldn’t take you more than a couple days to read.
It was a different experience reading a memoir and knowing so many of places talked about. I live 45 minutes from Ponoka. Most of the places she went, I’ve been to. Ponoka, Lacombe, Bentley, Blackfalds, RedDeer, Lethbridge, Kelowna, Vancouver, Tofino, Cathedral Grove, Radium etc
She’s lived a life I can’t even imagine. Coming through what she’s wrestled with and beaten is inspiring.
I think she has a pretty high view of herself and her importance though. It kind of grated on me when she, as a married woman, would say things like “I decided that our family should move into a new, bigger home”
“I sent [her husband] to the vet”
“I made the decision that instead of a U Haul, we would hire movers to transport our major belongings”
“I deemed that we couldn’t even wait for the movers to finish if we were to make it to our hotel that night”
Overall a good book that was interesting to read and wouldn’t take you more than a couple days to read.
February 13, 2020
Borderline Shine, by Connie Greshner, is a very honest account of a person who experienced childhood trauma which resulted in the development of borderline personality disorder. As I read the book, I felt like I was with her as she engaged in self sabotage behaviour mixed with personal growth. It was a roller coaster ride but Connie eventually figured out the skills needed to overcome her trauma. Connie is an excellent writer and story teller. I was so engaged in her story that I rarely put the book down. I applaud Connie for persevering and for her personal growth. I have worked with people with borderline personality disorder so I understand how complex and baffling their behaviour can appear to others. I think this is a good read for all people in order to understand how trauma can affect others so that we may all live in a society that is more understanding and supportive.
November 2, 2022
Powerful read on overcoming traumas of childhood. An excellent example resilience over mental health and complex trauma challenges.
The first part of the book is dark and captures the traumas as Connie recalls her experiences and vulnerably shares the impacts on her life and mental health. It highlights the effects of judgmental individuals and lack of support from community, government and social services, for an underage individual with mental health issues who just want to be listened to. This continues into adulthood until she finds support and purpose.
A pivotal moment is when Connie self diagnoses and names her condition putting her on her journey to health. The second part of the book focuses on recovery and hope as she battles her demons to find health and peace.
The first part of the book is dark and captures the traumas as Connie recalls her experiences and vulnerably shares the impacts on her life and mental health. It highlights the effects of judgmental individuals and lack of support from community, government and social services, for an underage individual with mental health issues who just want to be listened to. This continues into adulthood until she finds support and purpose.
A pivotal moment is when Connie self diagnoses and names her condition putting her on her journey to health. The second part of the book focuses on recovery and hope as she battles her demons to find health and peace.
August 9, 2023
Not my favourite writing style. But nice to try and understand a diagnosis behind the individual managing it in their daily life.
March 1, 2020
This book is a roller coaster ride of emotion. You cannot help but agonize with the author through the low points and enjoy the subtle coast into long overdue and deserved wellness. Definitely some laughs along the way though...great storytelling.
It is a riveting tale of a girl who managed to survive 'herself', she was her own worst enemy (as we all tend to be at times) but never stopped clawing to keep her head above water.
The craziness and chaos aside, the catalyst to how this story begins is the saddest of all...the ripple effect of her mother's murder was far and widely felt, to this day.
Amazing to read how differently all the children in the family dealt with the loss and dysfunction - always maintaining love for each other, despite time and distance.
It really is a dark, wild ride that eventually rounds the corner to full on sunshine.
Loved this book and the lessons learned reading it.
It is a riveting tale of a girl who managed to survive 'herself', she was her own worst enemy (as we all tend to be at times) but never stopped clawing to keep her head above water.
The craziness and chaos aside, the catalyst to how this story begins is the saddest of all...the ripple effect of her mother's murder was far and widely felt, to this day.
Amazing to read how differently all the children in the family dealt with the loss and dysfunction - always maintaining love for each other, despite time and distance.
It really is a dark, wild ride that eventually rounds the corner to full on sunshine.
Loved this book and the lessons learned reading it.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews