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My Whorizontal Life: An Escort's Tale: The First Six Months
ONE WOMAN.
TWO LIVES.
OH SO MANY MEN.
One at a time (mostly).
My whorizontal Life is the true story of a naïve, empathic young woman driven by her desire for fantasy and romance, fearful of the ‘real world,’ who dreams of finding true love and being an actress extraordinaire. As poverty and debt overwhelm her, she takes what she thinks will be a very limited leap into the underground work of escorting. But finds it is not so easy to get out. Or, maybe she doesn’t want to?
TWO LIVES.
OH SO MANY MEN.
One at a time (mostly).
My whorizontal Life is the true story of a naïve, empathic young woman driven by her desire for fantasy and romance, fearful of the ‘real world,’ who dreams of finding true love and being an actress extraordinaire. As poverty and debt overwhelm her, she takes what she thinks will be a very limited leap into the underground work of escorting. But finds it is not so easy to get out. Or, maybe she doesn’t want to?
- GenresNonfiction
280 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 1, 2019
About the author
Sephe Haven
3 books9 followersSEPHE HAVEN is an actress from a really fine drama school who took a break to pay off her student loans and lost track of time. Eventually she began telling stories, doing stand up, and writing this memoir. She has chosen to remain under a pen name so she can talk freely about the times she spent doing the work of love and pleasure.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
April 6, 2022
I was always going to read this book for two reasons. First, I had a friendly exchange with the author on Facebook about the fact that her book and my mine stemmed from the same premise of cash-strapped student in need of some fast money. After that we differ, as hers is a true story and mine complete fiction with nothing autobiographical about it at all.
The second reason, I admit, has to do with the fascination felt by many women, if they’re honest, with their ‘fallen’ sisters and how they could engage in such a profession. I remember a scene from Gone With The Wind in which Mrs Mead is less concerned with the fact that her husband had to hide from the Yankees in Belle Watling’s bar and brothel than with what exactly he saw while he was in there. Things don’t change over time, it seems.
So Sephe Haven’s honest memoire shines a light into the dark corners of the alleged oldest profession, and some are pretty dark. Fortunately for the author, though, and as she admits, she lucked-in to a higher level of the market with Susan, the no-nonsense madam who protects her girls, if not from the best of motives. ‘Natasha’s’ fall from grace with her is fortunately only temporary (I was willing her to take the flaming shoes off), but long enough for her to see how things work further down the ladder, and it’s not a pretty sight. But there are many lighter moments, including how our protagonist manages to turn around some encounters with pretty unappetising clients. There’s also the unforeseen supportiveness of the community in which she finds herself which is juxtaposed against the unexpected betrayal of a ‘friend’ from her old drama school community, who I could cheerfully have punched.
It’s an historic piece, pre-dating mobile phones and the internet, the former presumably having made the necessary communications and payments involved in transactions easier, although the advent of the latter worries me as to the fate of the skilled but less-than-physically-desirable women who previously provided telephone sex. The author doesn’t try to gloss over the bad side of things, and leaves the more graphic details to the readers’ imagination in her account of a slice of life in the sex trade. Overall, it’s a brave undertaking to tell this story, and I have only admiration for her. Recommended.
The second reason, I admit, has to do with the fascination felt by many women, if they’re honest, with their ‘fallen’ sisters and how they could engage in such a profession. I remember a scene from Gone With The Wind in which Mrs Mead is less concerned with the fact that her husband had to hide from the Yankees in Belle Watling’s bar and brothel than with what exactly he saw while he was in there. Things don’t change over time, it seems.
So Sephe Haven’s honest memoire shines a light into the dark corners of the alleged oldest profession, and some are pretty dark. Fortunately for the author, though, and as she admits, she lucked-in to a higher level of the market with Susan, the no-nonsense madam who protects her girls, if not from the best of motives. ‘Natasha’s’ fall from grace with her is fortunately only temporary (I was willing her to take the flaming shoes off), but long enough for her to see how things work further down the ladder, and it’s not a pretty sight. But there are many lighter moments, including how our protagonist manages to turn around some encounters with pretty unappetising clients. There’s also the unforeseen supportiveness of the community in which she finds herself which is juxtaposed against the unexpected betrayal of a ‘friend’ from her old drama school community, who I could cheerfully have punched.
It’s an historic piece, pre-dating mobile phones and the internet, the former presumably having made the necessary communications and payments involved in transactions easier, although the advent of the latter worries me as to the fate of the skilled but less-than-physically-desirable women who previously provided telephone sex. The author doesn’t try to gloss over the bad side of things, and leaves the more graphic details to the readers’ imagination in her account of a slice of life in the sex trade. Overall, it’s a brave undertaking to tell this story, and I have only admiration for her. Recommended.
June 3, 2019
I devoured this book. It was going to be my summer read, but I have no self control so it was inhaled in one day, with a glass of wine and a box of tissues. This book is not just a series of salacious and laugh-out-loud hilarious tales of an escort's adventures (although most of the chapters will leave you in stitches). It is at once engaging and relatable story with big heart. I never thought that I would relate to the main character/author and figured I would just be a passive voyeur, but I soon discovered that I related to her as a woman navigating the complicated world of love and dating and connecting to men, as a young woman who was rejected and ridiculed for my appearance, as an artist struggling to make ends meet, as a friend betrayed by those I trusted the most. This book is a must read. If you have a heart and a sense of humor - read this book. Heck, if you have a heartbeat - READ THIS BOOK!
June 3, 2019
This compelling story is told with great humor, honesty and tenderness. Sephe is a survivor who ventures into the world of "escorting" out of desperation, but discovers surprising rewards. She creatively makes her way through every strange new challenge and is able to find wonder and delight. Her fascinating stories taught me a lot about this profession and helped me understand how and why some people get good at it and find fulfillment. I'm looking forward to her next book!!
October 12, 2020
I saw a review of this book in a newspaper so decided I would read it. It is fascinating and reveals a world most of us know nothing about. If you are looking for titillation, it isn't here. It is rather the story of a woman crushed by debts that finds a different path to earn her way out of debt. As you read you along with the author discover much about both women and men dealing with the worlds oldest profession.
June 3, 2019
“A Surprise”
I got the book, got about halfway through and I couldn’t put it down- but I had to go to a meeting—and honestly I needed a break - so many emotions - smiling - laughing - crying 😢 - thoughts 🤓 - Not much work done yesterday—but I read the book in two sittings.
Initially, the cover caught my eye and I was curious about the subject and the clever title “My Whorizontal Life: An Escort's Tale: The First Six Sex Months “ caught my attention.
This is truly a unique story and gives a perspective that is both new and different than I imagined. One of the main underlying themes in the book is about the power of Compassion and Love.
It’s the story of a young, talented, intelligent, idealistic and compassionate woman, trapped in the “Real World” – who is struggling to survive crushing debt, poverty and disappointment for not having a career and a life that she had so hoped for.
The author is both talented and gifted in her writing – I was immediately drawn into the her point of view, I was able to begin to easily walk in her shoes and visualize her journey into the “Underworld”.
I was Surprised by all the emotions I experienced when reading this book – I was smiling – laughing – crying – sometimes all at the same time.
This was an easy and enjoyable read. I would highly recommend this book – for sure it is a great summer read. I can’t wait for the second book in this series.
I got the book, got about halfway through and I couldn’t put it down- but I had to go to a meeting—and honestly I needed a break - so many emotions - smiling - laughing - crying 😢 - thoughts 🤓 - Not much work done yesterday—but I read the book in two sittings.
Initially, the cover caught my eye and I was curious about the subject and the clever title “My Whorizontal Life: An Escort's Tale: The First Six Sex Months “ caught my attention.
This is truly a unique story and gives a perspective that is both new and different than I imagined. One of the main underlying themes in the book is about the power of Compassion and Love.
It’s the story of a young, talented, intelligent, idealistic and compassionate woman, trapped in the “Real World” – who is struggling to survive crushing debt, poverty and disappointment for not having a career and a life that she had so hoped for.
The author is both talented and gifted in her writing – I was immediately drawn into the her point of view, I was able to begin to easily walk in her shoes and visualize her journey into the “Underworld”.
I was Surprised by all the emotions I experienced when reading this book – I was smiling – laughing – crying – sometimes all at the same time.
This was an easy and enjoyable read. I would highly recommend this book – for sure it is a great summer read. I can’t wait for the second book in this series.
June 3, 2019
I first saw Sephe Haven when she was doing a standup routine about her life as an actress and escort! I was on the floor laughing! I was so happy to hear that she wrote a book describing her escapades. I felt a roller coaster of emotions as I read each chapter. I finished her book in two sittings and I can’t wait to read the next installment! Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
December 26, 2019
My Whorizontal Life is the first in a planned series by Sephe Haven depicting her life as a young actress struggling to make ends meet. Though she supplements her income waitressing, she still can’t afford her rent, her credit cards are maxed out, etc. Her student loan debt compounds those issues. Literally overcome by financial obligations, she fears homelessness. In desperation, she becomes an escort/call girl.
Memoir is not my favorite genre, but this book was better than I expected. It is a humorous, yet realistic, view of the life of a new call girl. Ms. Haven uses her acting abilities to handle her johns. She grows from a woman hesitant to have sex (“Sex was a sacred thing” is an early line in the book) to a woman who able to establish a rapport with the men she serves. Empathizing with her johns gets her further than the actual sex does. Her descriptions of the men who call for her are often sympathetic—she avoids the trap of portraying them with ribald humor or contempt. I was left wondering, though, how much of this was simply self-aggrandizement.
I enjoyed the wry humor and Ms. Haven's descriptions of her johns and the situations in which she finds herself (i.e. gluing together a Lego kit for a rich child). Ms. Haven is good at writing the funny parts of her life, but I’d like to see more depth of emotion in the less-funny aspects. The abrupt ending didn't work for me. It clearly left room for the next in the series without resolving the issues she faces.
Reading the acknowledgements, I learned the original manuscript stands at 144,000 words. The current work, freed of some of the detritus of an ungainly first draft, reads much leaner with rarely an unneeded word. Despite this “housecleaning”, I’m not sure how far Ms. Haven can carry this series before her johns all run together in the minds of her readers.
All in all, a light-weight read good for a lazy summer afternoon. As mentioned above, I no longer read much memoir but have studied the genre and read some of the all-time greats. While My Whorizontal Life doesn’t rise to the level of a literary masterpiece, it is amusing and, at times, heartwarming. Having read volume #1, I’m not sure I would continue with the series.
Memoir is not my favorite genre, but this book was better than I expected. It is a humorous, yet realistic, view of the life of a new call girl. Ms. Haven uses her acting abilities to handle her johns. She grows from a woman hesitant to have sex (“Sex was a sacred thing” is an early line in the book) to a woman who able to establish a rapport with the men she serves. Empathizing with her johns gets her further than the actual sex does. Her descriptions of the men who call for her are often sympathetic—she avoids the trap of portraying them with ribald humor or contempt. I was left wondering, though, how much of this was simply self-aggrandizement.
I enjoyed the wry humor and Ms. Haven's descriptions of her johns and the situations in which she finds herself (i.e. gluing together a Lego kit for a rich child). Ms. Haven is good at writing the funny parts of her life, but I’d like to see more depth of emotion in the less-funny aspects. The abrupt ending didn't work for me. It clearly left room for the next in the series without resolving the issues she faces.
Reading the acknowledgements, I learned the original manuscript stands at 144,000 words. The current work, freed of some of the detritus of an ungainly first draft, reads much leaner with rarely an unneeded word. Despite this “housecleaning”, I’m not sure how far Ms. Haven can carry this series before her johns all run together in the minds of her readers.
All in all, a light-weight read good for a lazy summer afternoon. As mentioned above, I no longer read much memoir but have studied the genre and read some of the all-time greats. While My Whorizontal Life doesn’t rise to the level of a literary masterpiece, it is amusing and, at times, heartwarming. Having read volume #1, I’m not sure I would continue with the series.
July 2, 2019
Entertaining memoir about the author's first few months escorting, intermixed with stories about her time at Juilliard. The narration is casual, humorous, and highly readable.
She writes about going into the bathroom at her first call:
"I remember my bag. Tina told me to bring what I'll need. And before I left home, I remember thinking Ok, so what do you need for a romantic hour with a man? And I packed my bag.
Keeping my eyes wide open so no tears escape to smudge my mascara in case I decide to make this life-altering choice, I dig through my bag in hopes of coming up with something useful.
Pack of matches. Pink daisy razor. A book: How to Make Love to a Man. (No time like the present?) And a Shabbat candle.
No.
Just. No.
I have no idea what I was thinking, but somehow I brought nothing I need."
The story takes place back when escorts still primarily advertised in phone books and Sephe used payphones to call and check in with her agency. Interesting to note all the differences in the industry.
She writes about going into the bathroom at her first call:
"I remember my bag. Tina told me to bring what I'll need. And before I left home, I remember thinking Ok, so what do you need for a romantic hour with a man? And I packed my bag.
Keeping my eyes wide open so no tears escape to smudge my mascara in case I decide to make this life-altering choice, I dig through my bag in hopes of coming up with something useful.
Pack of matches. Pink daisy razor. A book: How to Make Love to a Man. (No time like the present?) And a Shabbat candle.
No.
Just. No.
I have no idea what I was thinking, but somehow I brought nothing I need."
The story takes place back when escorts still primarily advertised in phone books and Sephe used payphones to call and check in with her agency. Interesting to note all the differences in the industry.
November 17, 2021
A rollercoaster of emotions
Wow. I don't know what I was expecting when I started this quick, compelling story, but it wasn't a dozen different emotions flooding in, I'll tell you that. My heart just goes out to the author and protagonist, who is one and the same. She also reads her own audiobook, which is fine, because she's a trained actress (don't get me started on certain audio nightmares read by their authors).
I can't even imagine jumping into such a crazy, dangerous life. It took bravery (reckless naiveity?) to do so, and even more guts to open up and admit to the entire world she did it. I can only imagine the lost friends (one sad incident she details in the book) and the judgement that surely comes from multiple high and mighty directions on a recurring basis. I might suggest certain judgey folk move out of their glass houses before tossing stones her direction. Walk a mile in her shoes, and all that.
This book is labeled "Book One", and "The first six months"(with the six humorously crossed out in favor of the word "sex"). That means I have hopefully several future entries to look forward to in this series.
Wow. I don't know what I was expecting when I started this quick, compelling story, but it wasn't a dozen different emotions flooding in, I'll tell you that. My heart just goes out to the author and protagonist, who is one and the same. She also reads her own audiobook, which is fine, because she's a trained actress (don't get me started on certain audio nightmares read by their authors).
I can't even imagine jumping into such a crazy, dangerous life. It took bravery (reckless naiveity?) to do so, and even more guts to open up and admit to the entire world she did it. I can only imagine the lost friends (one sad incident she details in the book) and the judgement that surely comes from multiple high and mighty directions on a recurring basis. I might suggest certain judgey folk move out of their glass houses before tossing stones her direction. Walk a mile in her shoes, and all that.
This book is labeled "Book One", and "The first six months"(with the six humorously crossed out in favor of the word "sex"). That means I have hopefully several future entries to look forward to in this series.
July 31, 2019
While Sephe Haven had me at "tale of an escort," I had no idea I was in for a gifted writer's journey to seek an extraordinary life. And it's jaw-dropping! The twists and turns in this story are phenomenal, as are Sephe’s wit, warmth and literary flair. I was astonished by her ability to endure extreme isolation, exhaustion, discomfort, scorn, disgust and fear to keep herself afloat and win her golden ticket. There's also much depth here: her astute observations about two worlds few walk in at the same time; the ubiquitous roadblocks women face; discovery of her talent for emotional healing in unlikely circumstances; and her compelling assessment of her unique psyche. I'm already impatient for the continuing saga and can't wait to see where she'll take me next.
June 10, 2019
Enjoyed (and transported)! This was an intimate voyage into the heart and lifestyle of a beginning call girl who found meaning and purpose in taking the "sex business" to another level, beyond the transactional. She elevated it to an art, a healing practice, all the while observing all the nuances of the characters in her life with a trained actress' eye. The writing is clear, evocative and fresh, both heartbreaking at times and then funny, such a strong voice. Dying to find out what happens next!
July 17, 2019
Compassion.
After a satisfying two sittings, I've walked away from this book with more compassion. For escorts. For the people who seek them out. For humankind.
Sephe Haven's account of the events leading up to her choice to become and to remain an escort in New York City after grad school at Juilliard is startlingly honest. I've had to recalibrate my own perceptions - and acknowledge my own biases - surrounding sex work because of her story, which is told with such humor, courage, and levity.
After a satisfying two sittings, I've walked away from this book with more compassion. For escorts. For the people who seek them out. For humankind.
Sephe Haven's account of the events leading up to her choice to become and to remain an escort in New York City after grad school at Juilliard is startlingly honest. I've had to recalibrate my own perceptions - and acknowledge my own biases - surrounding sex work because of her story, which is told with such humor, courage, and levity.
July 3, 2020
A talkative writer, with a humanizing perspective on the world of Escorts
I picked this book out after a Google News article lead me to it. I have a interest in the underground and this book sheds light, but doesn't immerse you into the unfortunate details. I was expecting more of a rollercoaster ride, but what you get it and uplifting story that humanizes the business of being an escort. I suspect, based in the bonus chapter, that every encounter doesn't go as well. I look forward the next edition
I picked this book out after a Google News article lead me to it. I have a interest in the underground and this book sheds light, but doesn't immerse you into the unfortunate details. I was expecting more of a rollercoaster ride, but what you get it and uplifting story that humanizes the business of being an escort. I suspect, based in the bonus chapter, that every encounter doesn't go as well. I look forward the next edition
September 27, 2020
Loving this book. Very inspirational too. Makes me want to get cracking on my related books of personal experiences. I'm pro legalization of normal human interrelationships and have had friends and lovers in the sex industry in this country and around the world. Whorizontal is an interesting look into the author’s whys & wherefores & even could be of aid to any woman who finds herself in similar situations. I look forward to more form her. bravo!
January 5, 2026
4.5*. I consumed this memoir in Audible. I cannot imagine that I would have enjoyed it nearly as much without the author's voice - told with such energy, humor, and candour; like the best of "The Moth". There's more grit than titillation in the story, but the attribute that most won me over to the author's camp was her self awareness and absence of self pity even in the most pitiable circumstances.
November 28, 2021
How does she hold onto her belief in an HEA?
I loved this story of a naive woman's struggle to survive. Somehow, even in the grim reality of sex work, she holds onto her innocence and brings acceptance to those who need it the most.
I loved this story of a naive woman's struggle to survive. Somehow, even in the grim reality of sex work, she holds onto her innocence and brings acceptance to those who need it the most.
February 16, 2026
Listened to the audio book and I really enjoyed it. I had to deduct a star because of the editing. There were multiple times where the author was given instructions by someone else in the room to start over and read passages differently, and that was just left in.
November 24, 2020
A fascinating look into life as an escort. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but it was definitely a good read. Recommended.
July 15, 2024
3.5 🌟
I really enjoyed this book, and the BTS look into her life as an escort.
I really enjoyed this book, and the BTS look into her life as an escort.
May 10, 2025
I really enjoyed the escort stories. She was also an aspiring actress, and if I'm being honest, the breaks she took to talk about acting were a borefest for me. Otherwise, it was a great book.
May 1, 2022
Sephe Haven’s shares her journey from life at Juilliard to life as an escort with the kind of deep honesty and insight that makes for a story both wildly funny and deeply sad. Haven offers a window into a world few of us know but that most women will instantly understand. Both her external story and inner monologue had me questioning many assumptions our society makes about women, and why we women accept them.
May 6, 2022
If you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall in the escort business, you now have Sephe Haven to thank. Take it from the whoreses mouth because Sephe was there for a goodly amount of years and she has done what only a few before her have done; written an eminently readable account of how one falls into the business and what one must do to practice the trade convincingly. It helps to be an actor, which Selphe is, trained at Juilliard, no less. Haven tells her story with charm and wit and humanity. The world’s oldest trade lives hidden from everyone except the sex workers and their johns. But now Sephe Haven takes us there as we find something we didn’t expect. Dignity. An honest and courageous account that you’d be remiss to pass up.
July 9, 2019
Sephe Haven’s writing is so witty and empathetic, that one chapter in to My whorizontal Life: An Escort’s Tale, I felt like she and I were best friends. So what happens when your new BFF - a sweet, sensitive, funny, naive twenty-something - becomes a sex worker in order to pay off a mountain of student debt and avoid homelessness? You get a startlingly unexpected perspective on prostitution. This is not a salacious tell all. Rather, it’s a very human story of young woman who finds humanity where we traditionally expect not to find it.
Suspenseful, engaging, breezy, humorous, heartbreaking, and up-lifting.
I loved it.
Suspenseful, engaging, breezy, humorous, heartbreaking, and up-lifting.
I loved it.
November 15, 2022
This was an interesting book, to say the least! I received a free copy, and out of curiosity, I read it. I wasn't sure what to expect when I read the book, but I must say it was intriguing. This book gives the reader an insight into a world that most know little to nothing about. While I don't condone her choices or her profession, I will admit that the book was well-written and very candid. She unapologetically explains her venture into the world of prostitution and did a great job of drawing the reader into the story.
June 8, 2019
This is neither a tawdry confessional nor a woe-is-me lament. It is a stirring and deeply moving memoir of a woman's journey out of starving-artist poverty—and away from self-doubt and confusion. Beautifully written, My Whorizontal Life is passionate in the deepest sense of the word, devoted to explaining and revealing the magic that can happen when one person can bring another to life through touch and compassion. And it's funny as hell. Can't wait for more.
June 6, 2019
Do you want to challenge your beliefs? Expand your horizons?Laugh and cry at the same time?
Read this book!
It's a very courageous tale about the life of an escort, her compassion for human beings, her pain and fear on her difficult path through "forbidden love', underground, the shadowy side of our existence.
I absolutely recommend it!
Read this book!
It's a very courageous tale about the life of an escort, her compassion for human beings, her pain and fear on her difficult path through "forbidden love', underground, the shadowy side of our existence.
I absolutely recommend it!
June 4, 2019
Absolutely loved this superbly written story about a Juilliard trained actress who plays the roll of her life to pay rent & college debt. I couldn’t put this book down, the stories are funny, heartfelt & extremely revealing in both of her worlds. I’m so glad it’s a series & can’t wait for book 2 😁
Read
June 4, 2019FANTASTIC!!!... is one of those books that keep your attention and enjoyment, is very hard to put down..... the story, the way it reads touch your emotions, showing also a deep clever description of circumstances, dreams, and sensitivity of a woman. It is an EXCELLENT BOOK!
June 4, 2019
The author takes us on a journey from survival and despair to triumph and success. This is a human story of kindness, compassion, and making the world a better place.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews