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Prognosis: A Memoir of My Brain
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Memoir & Autobiography (2019)The searing, wry memoir about a woman’s fight for a new life after a devastating brain injury.
When Sarah Vallance is thrown from a horse and suffers a jarring blow to the head, she believes she’s walked away unscathed. The next morning, things take a sharp turn as she’s led from work to the emergency room. By the end of the week, a neurologist delivers a devastating Sarah suffered a traumatic brain injury that has caused her IQ to plummet, with no hope of recovery. Her brain has irrevocably changed.
Afraid of judgment and deemed no longer fit for work, Sarah isolates herself from the outside world. She spends months at home, with her dogs as her only source of companionship, battling a personality she no longer recognizes and her shock and rage over losing simple functions she’d taken for granted. Her life is consumed by fear and shame until a chance encounter gives Sarah hope that her brain can heal. That conversation lights a small flame of determination, and Sarah begins to push back, painstakingly reteaching herself to read and write, and eventually reentering the workforce and a new, if unpredictable, life.
In this highly intimate account of devastation and renewal, Sarah pulls back the curtain on life with traumatic brain injury, an affliction where the wounds are invisible and the lasting effects are often misunderstood. Over years of frustrating setbacks and uncertain triumphs, Sarah comes to terms with her disability and finds love with a woman who helps her embrace a new, accepting sense of self.
When Sarah Vallance is thrown from a horse and suffers a jarring blow to the head, she believes she’s walked away unscathed. The next morning, things take a sharp turn as she’s led from work to the emergency room. By the end of the week, a neurologist delivers a devastating Sarah suffered a traumatic brain injury that has caused her IQ to plummet, with no hope of recovery. Her brain has irrevocably changed.
Afraid of judgment and deemed no longer fit for work, Sarah isolates herself from the outside world. She spends months at home, with her dogs as her only source of companionship, battling a personality she no longer recognizes and her shock and rage over losing simple functions she’d taken for granted. Her life is consumed by fear and shame until a chance encounter gives Sarah hope that her brain can heal. That conversation lights a small flame of determination, and Sarah begins to push back, painstakingly reteaching herself to read and write, and eventually reentering the workforce and a new, if unpredictable, life.
In this highly intimate account of devastation and renewal, Sarah pulls back the curtain on life with traumatic brain injury, an affliction where the wounds are invisible and the lasting effects are often misunderstood. Over years of frustrating setbacks and uncertain triumphs, Sarah comes to terms with her disability and finds love with a woman who helps her embrace a new, accepting sense of self.
275 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2019
4466 people are currently reading
16999 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Vallance
2 books71 followersSarah Vallance was born in Sydney. She graduated from City University of Hong Kong in 2013 with an MFA in creative writing. Her essays have earned her a Pushcart Prize. She has been published in the Gettysburg Review, the Sun, the Pinch, Asia Literary Review, and Post Road, among other places. Sarah was a Harkness Fellow at Harvard and holds a doctorate in government and public administration. She lives in Sydney with her wife and their three dogs and three cats. Prognosis is her first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 703 reviews
July 7, 2019
If you like Oliver Sack's article about face-blindness (New Yorker) or his books (particularly Uncle Tungsten and The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat), you will love this book.
Before I get into why this is an amazing book: I've seen a few reviews by people who gave an unthinking criticism of the book because they believe that the author hates animals or is cruel to them. Those people really didn't get the book and/or didn't read the book through. This is the story of a woman who loves animals. I mean, really loves them -- she even loves the animal who was involved in her near-life-destroying injury. There's a particular very upsetting decision in the book, and yes, you may be upset about the episode; importantly, you're supposed to be. So I'd suggest:
*read what the author has to say about the particular event that upset some readers
*read how she looks at herself because of that event (she's not giving herself a pass)
*look at how it impacts her future decisions*
* make sure to finish the book.
Autobiographers can choose leave things out to make themselves look better, and the fact that this author didn't leave this out tells you a lot about her story and about her love for other creatures.
Now, about the book as a whole: As an M.D. and a person with a serious chronic illness, I get VERY tired of feel-good stories about near-fatal illnesses with simplistic arcs in which a savior (a doctor, a treatment, God, a lover, whatever) either fixes the illness or reconciles the patient to death. Some other reviewers have said the same thing, and I agree that Vallance's approach to her condtion is what makes this book so special. This memoir is not one of those easy feel-goods. Vallance is honest about how TBI affects every part of her life (her love life, her family, her education, her career, her living situations), and the mistakes she makes that are NOT about TBI --- she's unflinching about herself, which is the ultimate sign of a good memoirist. She's is unsparing about the ups and downs, the periodic helplessness, the moments of hope that people with serious injury or illness go through as they accommodate and battle a recalcitrant body. She tells the truths of serious illnesses, not a pretty, chocolate-box, Hallmark story.
Unlike a lot of memoirs, this book is informative as well as personal -- it puts in a lot of really good information how so much of what's done to help/manage TBI and other neurological illnesses (e.g. Alzheimer's) are piecemeal, guesswork, case-by-case, and trial-and-error. Having to learn how to live with an illness that doesn't have a simple, easily-identifiable cause, or an obvious mechanism and progression of illness is one of the hardest things a person can do -- and harder still when it's unclear what your long-term prognosis is.
Vallance tells us about herself honestly, but never at the expense of the story. The book is beautifully written, factual information gently added to the recounting of her adult life, so that anyone interested in what it's like when your brain changes on you will find both a moving story and information on what we know about TBI.
This is one of the best books I've read this year.
Before I get into why this is an amazing book: I've seen a few reviews by people who gave an unthinking criticism of the book because they believe that the author hates animals or is cruel to them. Those people really didn't get the book and/or didn't read the book through. This is the story of a woman who loves animals. I mean, really loves them -- she even loves the animal who was involved in her near-life-destroying injury. There's a particular very upsetting decision in the book, and yes, you may be upset about the episode; importantly, you're supposed to be. So I'd suggest:
*read what the author has to say about the particular event that upset some readers
*read how she looks at herself because of that event (she's not giving herself a pass)
*look at how it impacts her future decisions*
* make sure to finish the book.
Autobiographers can choose leave things out to make themselves look better, and the fact that this author didn't leave this out tells you a lot about her story and about her love for other creatures.
Now, about the book as a whole: As an M.D. and a person with a serious chronic illness, I get VERY tired of feel-good stories about near-fatal illnesses with simplistic arcs in which a savior (a doctor, a treatment, God, a lover, whatever) either fixes the illness or reconciles the patient to death. Some other reviewers have said the same thing, and I agree that Vallance's approach to her condtion is what makes this book so special. This memoir is not one of those easy feel-goods. Vallance is honest about how TBI affects every part of her life (her love life, her family, her education, her career, her living situations), and the mistakes she makes that are NOT about TBI --- she's unflinching about herself, which is the ultimate sign of a good memoirist. She's is unsparing about the ups and downs, the periodic helplessness, the moments of hope that people with serious injury or illness go through as they accommodate and battle a recalcitrant body. She tells the truths of serious illnesses, not a pretty, chocolate-box, Hallmark story.
Unlike a lot of memoirs, this book is informative as well as personal -- it puts in a lot of really good information how so much of what's done to help/manage TBI and other neurological illnesses (e.g. Alzheimer's) are piecemeal, guesswork, case-by-case, and trial-and-error. Having to learn how to live with an illness that doesn't have a simple, easily-identifiable cause, or an obvious mechanism and progression of illness is one of the hardest things a person can do -- and harder still when it's unclear what your long-term prognosis is.
Vallance tells us about herself honestly, but never at the expense of the story. The book is beautifully written, factual information gently added to the recounting of her adult life, so that anyone interested in what it's like when your brain changes on you will find both a moving story and information on what we know about TBI.
This is one of the best books I've read this year.
March 11, 2021
I'm going to begin by stating how incredibly relieved I am that I didn't spend any actual money on this, because if I had, I would be feeling pretty deflated right now.
I originally picked this up, because I have an interest with the brain and illnesses related to it, and seeing as this book is about Sarah Vallance and her TBI (Traumatic brain injury) it appeared to fit the slot in order to satisfy my curiosity.
First off, I have respect for an individual when they have the courage to openly speak of something which has had such an impact on their lives, and Vallance is no exception here. But unfortunately, my issue is actually with Vallance.
It becomes rather apparent early on in the book, that Vallance showcases as a narcissist. She seemed to emotionally abuse her way through life, merrily using people in order to get what she wanted, and then oddly enough, blame it on the TBI. I cannot imagine what a TBI is like, and it is terrible that Vallance suffered from one, but I do know, that one cannot blame every personality trait on that TBI entirely, and then, relentlessly continue to use that against people.
I learned quite quickly that Vallance did not have the easiest of upbringings, but for some reason, even though her Father beat her back and blue as a child, she thought the sun shined out of his ass, and she constantly told the reader how great he was, giving the impression that what he did wasn't such a big deal. Um, pardon me?
We learn about Vallance's brain scans and tests that she had to help diagnose her TBI, and see if there was any progression with that, which would have been interesting, if there was more ground covered on it. Instead, we get the backdrop on the author's lesbianism, and the girlfriends she apparently drove away. Also, we have a rather odd chapter about her poorly dog who was constantly defecating all over the kitchen counters. This is not something I expected from a TBI memoir.
This book was a tangled mess of weirdness (and not the good kind) and I'm rather relieved to be out of it.
I originally picked this up, because I have an interest with the brain and illnesses related to it, and seeing as this book is about Sarah Vallance and her TBI (Traumatic brain injury) it appeared to fit the slot in order to satisfy my curiosity.
First off, I have respect for an individual when they have the courage to openly speak of something which has had such an impact on their lives, and Vallance is no exception here. But unfortunately, my issue is actually with Vallance.
It becomes rather apparent early on in the book, that Vallance showcases as a narcissist. She seemed to emotionally abuse her way through life, merrily using people in order to get what she wanted, and then oddly enough, blame it on the TBI. I cannot imagine what a TBI is like, and it is terrible that Vallance suffered from one, but I do know, that one cannot blame every personality trait on that TBI entirely, and then, relentlessly continue to use that against people.
I learned quite quickly that Vallance did not have the easiest of upbringings, but for some reason, even though her Father beat her back and blue as a child, she thought the sun shined out of his ass, and she constantly told the reader how great he was, giving the impression that what he did wasn't such a big deal. Um, pardon me?
We learn about Vallance's brain scans and tests that she had to help diagnose her TBI, and see if there was any progression with that, which would have been interesting, if there was more ground covered on it. Instead, we get the backdrop on the author's lesbianism, and the girlfriends she apparently drove away. Also, we have a rather odd chapter about her poorly dog who was constantly defecating all over the kitchen counters. This is not something I expected from a TBI memoir.
This book was a tangled mess of weirdness (and not the good kind) and I'm rather relieved to be out of it.
March 30, 2019
Not your typical white woman memoir of healing and redemption. Vallance's rendering of her life is told with brutal honesty and minimalist mush which just happen to include moments of humour and tenderness when confronted with the various faces of death. I laughed when I wanted to cry and vice versa.
August 13, 2019
Sarah had a good life. She was well on her way to getting her doctorate degree. She was very intelligent and scholastic things came easy to her (with the exception of math). She was very close to her father, a geologist, and exactly the opposite with her mother, who was decidedly cold and even mean at times. Sarah was also a daredevil.
At age 31, she climbs up onto a horse she later admits she had no business being on, and she has no idea how to control him. She is thrown very high and actually feels her brain jar upon impact. She was not wearing a helmet.
She believes she is fine and carries on. Odd things begin to happen - things she cannot explain. Her toaster goes missing leading her to believe she's been robbed. Other things are also missing, found in strange places (like the freezer) and she has no recollection of putting them there. She can't think straight and she is told to go get checked out when her strange behavior continues at work.
After that, her perfect world lies in a shambles. Told she has suffered a traumatic brain injury that has led to a severe drop in her IQ, she is told she will never work again, much less finish her doctorate.
Angry, depressed and confused, she withdraws from everything and everyone. Her temper is uncontrollable, her mood swings violent. Her mother doesn't even care enough to check up on her, and her beloved father has died.
A lover of dogs, a chance encounter at a dog park ignites a spark in Sarah and a new belief that recovery from traumatic brain injuries is entirely possible. She enters into a relationship with a partner, and begins to try to "fix" her brain. She is relentless and driven - and she is still violent and angry, which doesn't work while in a relationship. It is during this relationship that Sarah does something that really bothered me as an animal lover so be forewarned. There is a reason for it, but it was still horrific to read. I don't think I'll ever get over it because I truly believe there are always other solutions. Sorry if that's a spoiler but I don't want anyone getting slammed with that in the face as I was.
Sarah does not shy from admitting her shortcomings and it took a brave woman to write this book. I applaud her for doing so. It is an eye-opening read into the life of a person whose entire life - actually, their entire personality - are forever changed after a TBI. Medical science is making strides in treating TBIs, but the effects on sufferers and their loved ones is extremely devastating.
At age 31, she climbs up onto a horse she later admits she had no business being on, and she has no idea how to control him. She is thrown very high and actually feels her brain jar upon impact. She was not wearing a helmet.
She believes she is fine and carries on. Odd things begin to happen - things she cannot explain. Her toaster goes missing leading her to believe she's been robbed. Other things are also missing, found in strange places (like the freezer) and she has no recollection of putting them there. She can't think straight and she is told to go get checked out when her strange behavior continues at work.
After that, her perfect world lies in a shambles. Told she has suffered a traumatic brain injury that has led to a severe drop in her IQ, she is told she will never work again, much less finish her doctorate.
Angry, depressed and confused, she withdraws from everything and everyone. Her temper is uncontrollable, her mood swings violent. Her mother doesn't even care enough to check up on her, and her beloved father has died.
A lover of dogs, a chance encounter at a dog park ignites a spark in Sarah and a new belief that recovery from traumatic brain injuries is entirely possible. She enters into a relationship with a partner, and begins to try to "fix" her brain. She is relentless and driven - and she is still violent and angry, which doesn't work while in a relationship. It is during this relationship that Sarah does something that really bothered me as an animal lover so be forewarned. There is a reason for it, but it was still horrific to read. I don't think I'll ever get over it because I truly believe there are always other solutions. Sorry if that's a spoiler but I don't want anyone getting slammed with that in the face as I was.
Sarah does not shy from admitting her shortcomings and it took a brave woman to write this book. I applaud her for doing so. It is an eye-opening read into the life of a person whose entire life - actually, their entire personality - are forever changed after a TBI. Medical science is making strides in treating TBIs, but the effects on sufferers and their loved ones is extremely devastating.
July 24, 2019
I read this because of Kindle First Reads and, if it hadn't been free, I'd want my money back.
Vallance comes off as a heartless ass, using others so she can get whatever she wants and emotionally abusing her partners. Actually, everyone but Louise in this book seems to be kind of terrible. What can I say, I have high standards for humans I interact with.
Vallance waxes poetic about what a good father her dad was, but lest we forget he punched her full in the face and beat her so badly she had permanent scars. Far be it from me to understand other peoples' families, but.....holy shit. Those things are unforgivable for me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's also deeply important to point out that Vallance is emotionally abusive and seemingly unrepentant about it, explaining it as a symptom of her TBI or (more often) not acknowledging her role as abuser at all. I'm reminded of a Chani Nicholas quote that seems especially pertinent: something about having trauma being fine, but you don't have the right to inflict your trauma on others. I'd argue that includes the emotional aftereffects of brain trauma. Vallance is not responsible for her violent outbursts, but she is responsible for their effects on others. This complicates the book, but ultimately does not diminish my supreme dislike of it.
Vallance comes off as a heartless ass, using others so she can get whatever she wants and emotionally abusing her partners. Actually, everyone but Louise in this book seems to be kind of terrible. What can I say, I have high standards for humans I interact with.
Vallance waxes poetic about what a good father her dad was, but lest we forget he punched her full in the face and beat her so badly she had permanent scars. Far be it from me to understand other peoples' families, but.....holy shit. Those things are unforgivable for me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's also deeply important to point out that Vallance is emotionally abusive and seemingly unrepentant about it, explaining it as a symptom of her TBI or (more often) not acknowledging her role as abuser at all. I'm reminded of a Chani Nicholas quote that seems especially pertinent: something about having trauma being fine, but you don't have the right to inflict your trauma on others. I'd argue that includes the emotional aftereffects of brain trauma. Vallance is not responsible for her violent outbursts, but she is responsible for their effects on others. This complicates the book, but ultimately does not diminish my supreme dislike of it.
July 9, 2019
This was a free Amazon Prime First Read selection for July. I feel a little apathetic giving 2 stars to someone who penned a memoir about recovering and living with a traumatic brain injury. But I’m keeping it real. While I can admire Sarah Vallance for sharing and relating her calamitous accident it did not make for an engaging story. The entire retelling felt devoid of any emotion. It was a rather dull read, and I found myself skimming pages.
September 26, 2019
Having suffered a TBI personally, I was more intrigued with this book than the average reader might be. There was a lot that resonated with me but especially the reaction of others. Like Sarah, many others tried to talk me out of my struggle. Among other things, I lost the ability to determine before/after; greater/lesser. I wrote everything in a journal then rehearsed it until it was relearned. This was my secret. Because we look fine, no one can see the inner turmoil. They get frustrated which causes our anger and frustration. Sarah and I were both flabbergasted to hear from a neurologist that our careers were over. Sarah was younger than me and had to completely reinvent herself. Her anger issues made her personal relationships and employment challenging. Counseling helped both of us. I went weekly for 8 years. The author did a great job of showing the difficulty and personal price of maintaining relationships.
My only complaint was that there were unnecessary relationship details that detracted from the flow of her story. I realize that I have made this review more personal than informative. Yet, isn’t a memoir an attempt to touch others? If so, I was touched.
My only complaint was that there were unnecessary relationship details that detracted from the flow of her story. I realize that I have made this review more personal than informative. Yet, isn’t a memoir an attempt to touch others? If so, I was touched.
August 5, 2019
I wanted to like this book, I really did. Unfortunately, I didn't. I wanted to understand TBI better, which is why I picked it up, but I just couldn't get past the shocking selfishness of the author.
She was so incredibly hypocritical in so many ways ("I love dogs so much, so much...here, let me have my dog put to sleep because I leave her alone for almost ten hours a day and my girlfriend is sick of her creating a disaster").
She also kept saying that people think that people with TBI are emotional unstable and how terrible that was, but then she was so incredibly unstable and mean and awful and she blamed it on...wait for it...the TBI! You can't have it both ways! You can't say it's not fair to think people will be unstable but then act unstable and blame it on the TBI.
I also felt she was shockingly unfair to her mother. She acted like a complete ^*($&( all of the time, and then constantly complained about her mother's behavior towards her. Your mom is having a natural response to the fact that you're a jerk to her!!! You don't get to be a jerk to someone all.of.the.time and then blame them that they don't like you, even if they're you're mom. I hated that part, and it was a lot of pages...
I actually waiting awhile to write this to see if my opinions moderated. Nope. Didn't like her at all. Glad she got better of course, but she comes across as one of the most self-absorbed narcissists existing outside of politics.
She was so incredibly hypocritical in so many ways ("I love dogs so much, so much...here, let me have my dog put to sleep because I leave her alone for almost ten hours a day and my girlfriend is sick of her creating a disaster").
She also kept saying that people think that people with TBI are emotional unstable and how terrible that was, but then she was so incredibly unstable and mean and awful and she blamed it on...wait for it...the TBI! You can't have it both ways! You can't say it's not fair to think people will be unstable but then act unstable and blame it on the TBI.
I also felt she was shockingly unfair to her mother. She acted like a complete ^*($&( all of the time, and then constantly complained about her mother's behavior towards her. Your mom is having a natural response to the fact that you're a jerk to her!!! You don't get to be a jerk to someone all.of.the.time and then blame them that they don't like you, even if they're you're mom. I hated that part, and it was a lot of pages...
I actually waiting awhile to write this to see if my opinions moderated. Nope. Didn't like her at all. Glad she got better of course, but she comes across as one of the most self-absorbed narcissists existing outside of politics.
July 26, 2019
This is not a memoir written in perfect self-awareness. Sarah idolizes her abusive father who built a massive library of rare books while his wife, Sarah's mom, was not even allowed to have enough money to buy a movie ticket. (Sarah's mom was no peach either, of course.) And then there's the dog. I can forgive a brain-injured memoirist a lot of things. Bad editing is not one of them. Where is the person who is supposed have said: "Honey, you turn into a totally unsympathetic character when you put your dog down without trying literally any other sensible option first. Why don't you spend a couple paragraphs being truly contrite and talking about all the other things you wished you had tried first?" As it is, I'm not sure I can finish this book. There are so many other books I could read where the author doesn't put down their dog.
July 18, 2019
This book was rather depressing. As a person who has also suffered from a severe head injury, it was apparent to me that Sarah could have done more to help herself. Rather than dwelling on the bad things going on in her head, I wanted to shake her and tell her to get over it! Exercise, a good diet and no alcohol among other things, would have helped her immensely. I tired of her whining rather quickly.
July 5, 2019
The book started out strong, and I was even recommending it to my friends, but then about halfway through it went downhill fast. I bought this book to learn more about traumatic brain injury, not lesbianism and sacrificing the things you love for your hot girlfriend. If the author had been hiding it her entire life and then all the sudden came out BECAUSE of the brain injury, then it would have had more of a place in the story, but she had already come out so I felt a lot of that stuff could have been omitted. Also, she dotes on being such a dog lover, yet when Bess was having her separation anxiety, and I quote, the author said, "I killed my dog for Laura." She's right too, she didn't try any other options first such as trying to re-home Bess to a home where the owner wouldn't be leaving her 9.5 hours EVERY DAY for work. She knew her girlfriend didn't like her dog and disposed of her. Quite honestly it made me sick and I almost quit reading right then and there. Anyway, I do not recommend this book on account of so much personal drama/details that have nothing to do with the brain injury.
June 1, 2019
This is a work of phenomenal power. Vallance's story is one of courage and tenacity, revealing the need for a better understanding of Traumatic Brain Injury and its terrifying consequences. With wit and intelligence, Vallance chronicles her journey through experiences that would cause a lesser individual to give up. This memoir will make you appreciate the power of language and Vallance's ability to wield it affectively. Brimming with a viscerality that will make you both laugh and cry, Prognosis: A Memoir of My Brain is a text that will remain with you, long after you have closed its final chapter.
November 11, 2019
One of the most depressing books I’ve ever read. It’s hard to feel bad for someone that makes so many rotten choices and doesn’t want to get help, but Sarah managed to weave a really honest narrative of her life that holds your attention. She doesn’t ask for pity and really puts all her cards on the table in this book. I’m still not sure why she wrote this- for herself? For us? For TBI awareness? and at times I felt like I was listening to an old queen at the bar rambling about her glory days.
Would I read it again? No. Is it an important memoir? Yes. I’m glad I read this despiste the pessimist cloud hanging over it, because it made me feel better about my own life & health.
Would I read it again? No. Is it an important memoir? Yes. I’m glad I read this despiste the pessimist cloud hanging over it, because it made me feel better about my own life & health.
April 27, 2019
It is not often you get to read the pages of someone’s life with such openness, honesty, kindness and determination. This is a book I could not put down and was inspired beyond all else by the bravery, courage, intelligence and beauty of Sarah’s story. It brings awareness to Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) as well gently unfolds the fear, loneliness, grit and hope of this wonderful woman. Her story is a “must read” and one that teaches us to not judge, but rather seek to understand everyone’s story. You simply must read this incredible book.
May 1, 2019
Sarah Vallance’s Prognosis is a ‘must read’. It is in turn witty, brutally honest, heartbreaking and uplifting. Rocking along at a good pace it keeps the reader riveted. I absolutely loved reading this book. An amazing achievement by a talented new writer. I highly recommended it.
June 10, 2019
I do not like many memoirs, but this book reeled me in from the first page. I read it in two days. Wonderful insight into what it’s like to have a brain injury, and how to pick yourself up and keep going when all the odds are against you. It’s also funny!
February 13, 2020
4.5 stars
It isn’t often I have the desire to pick up a non-fiction outside of climbing literature, it’s even less likely that I’d pick up something that relates to health or ill health. As a health professional, I avoid work-related literature so that reading is a break. However, I recommend this book to anyone who fancies a palate-cleansing different read. PROGNOSIS captivated me from beginning to end; from injury to life afterwards. You don’t need any insight into anything health related to read this.
Sarah’s memoir was a tough one. She experienced a fall in a horse riding accident and went to A&E the next day to find out that she’d had a traumatic brain injury. Not only that, she had dropped significant IQ in the injury and was told she’d never work again in her field or complete her PhD. Oh boy, did that make me empathise with her.
This memoir covered decades of Sarah’s honest and brutal narrative of the early weeks and months, to years of slow recovery. The story was candid in terms of her personality, behaviour changes, anger, anxiety, depression and relationships. It wasn’t joyful reading in the main but I was invested in her journey and I was cheering her seemingly hopeless situation on.
Animals were a crucial part of Sarah’s life and I came to appreciate this connection she had with her dogs and cats. The women she had relationships with after the injury had to withstand a lot from Sarah’s behaviour and it was a real roller coaster reading about this aspect. Sarah felt especially flawed as a girlfriend due to her injury and she painted a frank picture.
This was a story about persistence, mood, love, abuse, parents and fighting with your own brain for function. I didn’t always like Sarah in this story but I did admire her. This was a heart-felt account and I couldn’t put it down.
This review can be found on A Take From Two Cities.
It isn’t often I have the desire to pick up a non-fiction outside of climbing literature, it’s even less likely that I’d pick up something that relates to health or ill health. As a health professional, I avoid work-related literature so that reading is a break. However, I recommend this book to anyone who fancies a palate-cleansing different read. PROGNOSIS captivated me from beginning to end; from injury to life afterwards. You don’t need any insight into anything health related to read this.
Sarah’s memoir was a tough one. She experienced a fall in a horse riding accident and went to A&E the next day to find out that she’d had a traumatic brain injury. Not only that, she had dropped significant IQ in the injury and was told she’d never work again in her field or complete her PhD. Oh boy, did that make me empathise with her.
This memoir covered decades of Sarah’s honest and brutal narrative of the early weeks and months, to years of slow recovery. The story was candid in terms of her personality, behaviour changes, anger, anxiety, depression and relationships. It wasn’t joyful reading in the main but I was invested in her journey and I was cheering her seemingly hopeless situation on.
Animals were a crucial part of Sarah’s life and I came to appreciate this connection she had with her dogs and cats. The women she had relationships with after the injury had to withstand a lot from Sarah’s behaviour and it was a real roller coaster reading about this aspect. Sarah felt especially flawed as a girlfriend due to her injury and she painted a frank picture.
This was a story about persistence, mood, love, abuse, parents and fighting with your own brain for function. I didn’t always like Sarah in this story but I did admire her. This was a heart-felt account and I couldn’t put it down.
This review can be found on A Take From Two Cities.
August 14, 2020
For as much as this person values intellectual intelligence and has spent a lifetime focusing on her IQ, she never stopped to consider that her emotional intelligence was lower than her IQ and that focusing on that would have served her better.
I was hoping this book would be a door to understanding traumatic brain injuries. To me, it felt like a long rant of an unpleasant person who spent every moment she could blaming others for her own shortcomings (mostly emotional). Her "poor little me, no one understands me" act grew old too fast.
The TBI created problems, of course. No one can deny that. However, the emotional trauma this woman carried even before her head injury is-in my opinion-more likely the root of all the other challenges she experienced. Yes, TBI's are invisible, and so is mental illness. She was lucky enough to rebuild her life, and even when she successfully did she was still miserable. In therapy, I call people like this the "yeah, butters". You point something positive in their lives or an alternative way of seeing an event and their answers tend to be "yeah...BUT...(insert victim-mentality statement)" to perpetuate their narratives.
I have no idea how or why I decided to finish this book.
I was hoping this book would be a door to understanding traumatic brain injuries. To me, it felt like a long rant of an unpleasant person who spent every moment she could blaming others for her own shortcomings (mostly emotional). Her "poor little me, no one understands me" act grew old too fast.
The TBI created problems, of course. No one can deny that. However, the emotional trauma this woman carried even before her head injury is-in my opinion-more likely the root of all the other challenges she experienced. Yes, TBI's are invisible, and so is mental illness. She was lucky enough to rebuild her life, and even when she successfully did she was still miserable. In therapy, I call people like this the "yeah, butters". You point something positive in their lives or an alternative way of seeing an event and their answers tend to be "yeah...BUT...(insert victim-mentality statement)" to perpetuate their narratives.
I have no idea how or why I decided to finish this book.
May 1, 2019
Inspirational. Brutally honest. In turns funny and heartbreaking. With wry humor, this book had me riveted from the first page. The resilience of human spirit that refuses to be daunted by adversity. It’s a story that needs to be shared. I highly recommend this book.
July 13, 2019
Vallances deeply personal memoir is both beautiful and utterly absorbing. With intellect humour and compassion, she weaves together the multiple and complex strands, of her own very personal journey back from profound brain injury. Told with an unflinching and often confronting honesty, A memoir of my brain is moving, reflective and ultimately a hugely rewarding read.
June 28, 2020
In short: this is a memoir about a reckless and narcissistic alcoholic who arrogantly eschews professional help and DIY-fixes her brain after a traumatic brain injury caused by... you guessed it, her reckless and arrogant behavior. She fondly writes about her father, who often beat her and was probably also a narcissist, but is also the most amazing, funny, charming, well-read human being you've ever met, and then blasts her mother for being aloof so many times that I wanted to throw the book, shouting "yeah I get it, you hate your mom!"... Electra complex, much??
Her memoir may be truthful and vulnerable, but I just couldn't root for someone so detestable. This memoir isn't about a triumph over her prognosis or a valiant fight over her destiny. It's more like a facebook post about a how she won a figurative sloppy bar fight with mental health professionals.
Her memoir may be truthful and vulnerable, but I just couldn't root for someone so detestable. This memoir isn't about a triumph over her prognosis or a valiant fight over her destiny. It's more like a facebook post about a how she won a figurative sloppy bar fight with mental health professionals.
May 27, 2019
an Incredibly emotionally ravaging and inspiring account of life after a brain injury ...this books draws you in from the first page and keeps the pace going as you join in an incredible journey of pain, loss, discovery and hope. A must read for anyone who loves memoirs.
August 28, 2019
This is not the most exciting memoir I've read this year and the author does not come across as particularly sympathetic; however, I admire her perseverance and I did learn some interesting facts about traumatic brain injury so it was worth it for me.
November 28, 2020
Very interesting and engrossing read, Sarah sustained a traumatic head injury falling from a horse, this is the story of how she managed to rehabilitate herself and about the effect it had on every aspect of her life. Very well written, Sarah is a passionate animal lover and I loved reading about her rescue dogs and cats and how they helped her, Great book.
July 16, 2019
Vallance's poignant memoir sells her woefully short. Her achievements in the face of brain injury and abject rejection by her family are truly remarkable. To me, this is not only Vallance's story about coping with and to some degree conquering TBI, but it also shows a) how far we've come since the 90s in understanding brain injuries, and b) that other health care systems aren't always the panaceas that Americans want them to be. Vallance is practically left on an island by an unfeeling neurologist, who shortly after her injury basically tells her she's now "retarded" and cannot work gainfully. But for a chance encounter in a dog park -- and some amazing dogs -- who knows where Vallance would've wound up? And, don't get me started on Vallance's mother. Let me first give credit: she never cared that Vallance is a lesbian. And that is the only good thing I have to say about this woman. Even assuming half of what Vallance writes is accurate, her mom is in the annals of "bad mom" (not to mention her deceased father, who she adored, was also abusive). That Vallance continues to pursue a relationship with her mother, let along care for her in eventual demise from dementia, is a fundamental sacrificial love. Overall, this is a story of a rebuilt, re-jiggered life. I do wish Vallance had spent some more time on how her depression and anxiety operated -- she often used it in conclusory fashion: this relationship failed because of my anxiety and depression -- and I would've liked a little more insight. Also, I was not impressed by the Australian medical system. Vallance seemed to lurch from provider to provider without any true medical care.
April 9, 2020
3.5 Stars.
An inspiring story of how a woman dealt with a brain injury and a horrid mother. However, I felt it could have been better with a better editing to tie in the brain injury and/or childhood abuse with Sarah's life events. For example, she writes about her depression, anger issues, social anxiety, relationship issues, but never, until near the end, was it clear to me that she had sought professional medical help. I wasn't sure, until the end, that she recognized she had issues that, perhaps, could have been fixed, or at least alievated. i was very dismayed at the seemingly inept Australian medical system. My step daughter lives in Australia and has had 3 babies, gall bladder removed, pancreatitis, any number of sick kid issues and has never had anything but positive experiences. Based on the book, I'd say Sarah had different experience. I hope she is stays happy.
An inspiring story of how a woman dealt with a brain injury and a horrid mother. However, I felt it could have been better with a better editing to tie in the brain injury and/or childhood abuse with Sarah's life events. For example, she writes about her depression, anger issues, social anxiety, relationship issues, but never, until near the end, was it clear to me that she had sought professional medical help. I wasn't sure, until the end, that she recognized she had issues that, perhaps, could have been fixed, or at least alievated. i was very dismayed at the seemingly inept Australian medical system. My step daughter lives in Australia and has had 3 babies, gall bladder removed, pancreatitis, any number of sick kid issues and has never had anything but positive experiences. Based on the book, I'd say Sarah had different experience. I hope she is stays happy.
May 1, 2020
TW: abuse, domestic violence, orientalism, animal death, internalised homophobia, internalised ableism, suicidal ideation, euthanasia
An interesting account of life after a TBI, albeit one with a narrative that lurches unsteadily on its way. Sarah Vallance was young, reckless, invincible until she was thrown from a horse without a helmet and hit her head. The neglect from the Australian healthcare system was surprising, and I don't know if this was because not much was known about TBI in 1995 or because of her unreliable memories of that time. She describes well the frustration and doubt that comes with having invisible disabilities that people around you refuse to believe. The periods of depression, anxiety, and rage she goes through are difficult reading, but very relatable for people with chronic illness. She also talks briefly about the sexism in medicine, where women's symptoms are often dismissed as hysteria. There is, however, a lot of internalised ableism in the way she speaks about herself and other disabled people.
Sarah Vallance seems to have had several abusive codependent relationships (her parents, Laura), described in detail throughout the course of this book, which may be triggering.
There is a lot of the casual orientalism throughout that white people often exhibit. She speaks of south east asia and of the people there as strange, exotic, and barabaric.
Even her reasons for choosing a PhD topic are the same old tired cliches:
There's also this which I have no idea what to make of:
What on earth does that mean?
Interestingly while she labours the point that homosexuality was illegal in Singapore (at a time when gay marriage was also illegal in her home country Australia), she displays internalised homophobia herself with lines like:
Sorry what now?
Sarah is not a particularly sympathetic character in her own life. I found it amusing how she seemed to constantly fail upwards in the way of most middle class white people in the west, where scholarships, job opportunities, promotions, houses, and trips around the world fell into her lap regularly, that she herself admits she was completely unqualified for. This is not the most well written of memoirs, but is a somewhat important one for disabled people telling their own stories.
An interesting account of life after a TBI, albeit one with a narrative that lurches unsteadily on its way. Sarah Vallance was young, reckless, invincible until she was thrown from a horse without a helmet and hit her head. The neglect from the Australian healthcare system was surprising, and I don't know if this was because not much was known about TBI in 1995 or because of her unreliable memories of that time. She describes well the frustration and doubt that comes with having invisible disabilities that people around you refuse to believe. The periods of depression, anxiety, and rage she goes through are difficult reading, but very relatable for people with chronic illness. She also talks briefly about the sexism in medicine, where women's symptoms are often dismissed as hysteria. There is, however, a lot of internalised ableism in the way she speaks about herself and other disabled people.
Sarah Vallance seems to have had several abusive codependent relationships (her parents, Laura), described in detail throughout the course of this book, which may be triggering.
There is a lot of the casual orientalism throughout that white people often exhibit. She speaks of south east asia and of the people there as strange, exotic, and barabaric.
My mind darted across the Pacific to China, where people woke up in ice baths to discover slits down their fronts and sides and organs missing.
Even her reasons for choosing a PhD topic are the same old tired cliches:
My thesis topic was “The Influence of Culture Upon Administrative Practice in Singapore, Thailand, and the Philippines.” It was an odd choice given that Bangkok was the only city in Asia I had ever visited, and I had stayed there less than twenty-four hours. But during that brief visit, something inside me had been awakened. I had never experienced anything like the clamor and smell and chaos. Bangkok was home to some of the most delicious food I had ever tasted. I was eager to learn and experience more; I wanted to go back, and not just to Thailand.
There's also this which I have no idea what to make of:
I felt like I was Palestine, my mother was Israel, and Laura was President Clinton.
What on earth does that mean?
Interestingly while she labours the point that homosexuality was illegal in Singapore (at a time when gay marriage was also illegal in her home country Australia), she displays internalised homophobia herself with lines like:
...but gay women, even those who haven’t suffered brain injuries, behave in odd, inexplicable ways.
Sorry what now?
Sarah is not a particularly sympathetic character in her own life. I found it amusing how she seemed to constantly fail upwards in the way of most middle class white people in the west, where scholarships, job opportunities, promotions, houses, and trips around the world fell into her lap regularly, that she herself admits she was completely unqualified for. This is not the most well written of memoirs, but is a somewhat important one for disabled people telling their own stories.
August 6, 2019
I picked up this book thinking it might be insightful and inspiring, since I've recently been diagnosed with a potentially chronic disease that leaves me with an uncertain future for the moment (I only mention this because it probably led me to have higher expectations than I otherwise would have). Unfortunately, instead of gaining perspective, I grew more and more frustrated with the author.
My biggest issue with this book is that the author seems to be utterly immune to good advice. Of course it's admirable how much she's achieved against all expectations. However, this book felt more like a chronicle of her work and love life while googling every possible side effect of her brain injury and making herself paranoid of everything that might happen and everything people might think. Very rarely does she actually seek out medical professionals and for all her fear about the state of her brain doesn't manage to sit through an MRI scan or to listen to recommendations about how she should take care of herself.
I don't know how many times she's told that regular exercise and moderate to no alcohol consumption would benefit her greatly, but instead of changing her habits she just keeps on googling, giving too much weight to IQ test results, and making herself miserable. This goes on for years and years, until she finally cuts back on alcohol (which she laments about very regularly) and meets her future wife who (again) encourages her to exercise and buys her a sports bra, which the author calls "the saddest present ever"... She is advised to see a psychiatrist 10 to 15 years before she actually seeks out therapy and blames everything on her TBI, whereas probably everyone with her family history should take care of their mental health with or without head injury.
In the end, this book lacks self-reflection to the point where it difficult to finish reading. All it inspires is a hope that the author will take better care of herself mentally and physically in the future.
My biggest issue with this book is that the author seems to be utterly immune to good advice. Of course it's admirable how much she's achieved against all expectations. However, this book felt more like a chronicle of her work and love life while googling every possible side effect of her brain injury and making herself paranoid of everything that might happen and everything people might think. Very rarely does she actually seek out medical professionals and for all her fear about the state of her brain doesn't manage to sit through an MRI scan or to listen to recommendations about how she should take care of herself.
I don't know how many times she's told that regular exercise and moderate to no alcohol consumption would benefit her greatly, but instead of changing her habits she just keeps on googling, giving too much weight to IQ test results, and making herself miserable. This goes on for years and years, until she finally cuts back on alcohol (which she laments about very regularly) and meets her future wife who (again) encourages her to exercise and buys her a sports bra, which the author calls "the saddest present ever"... She is advised to see a psychiatrist 10 to 15 years before she actually seeks out therapy and blames everything on her TBI, whereas probably everyone with her family history should take care of their mental health with or without head injury.
In the end, this book lacks self-reflection to the point where it difficult to finish reading. All it inspires is a hope that the author will take better care of herself mentally and physically in the future.
February 20, 2020
I'm...calling it on this one. The premise sounded super interesting and I love that someone who has been through what Vallance has been through has managed to write a book about it, complete her PhD, and attempt to be honest about her limitations. But.
But, but, BUT! I cannot bring myself to actually like her, or really anyone else in the entire book so far, other than the dogs. The Bess situation I find completely heartbreaking, and I pretty much hate Laura's guts and did from her first mention. And there are yeeeeears worth of relationship drama with her to wade through.
I'm also having a hard time really understanding where Vallance is coming from. She spends an AMAZING amount of time defending her father as practically a saint, despite the fact that he beat her, and pretty badly. I get that people are complicated and you can still love someone who hurts you, but it never comes across as "this thing he did was wrong" and more "He was perfect! Except for this one teeny tiny thing that is no big deal." Ugh!
I also can't help but think there's more to the story with her mother than she's telling. She complains a bunch about her mom not contacting her after the accident, but then also says that she actively hid her injury from everyone for like, months, at least, if not longer. You can't have it both ways. Her mom does seem like kind of a jerk in this telling, but so does Vallance, so I feel like there has to be something else at the root of it than just her mom is a terrible person.
While part of me gets that maybe some of the flaws in the way Vallance tells her story may be related to her TBI, that doesn't help me enjoy it any more. I'm just going to let this one go.
But, but, BUT! I cannot bring myself to actually like her, or really anyone else in the entire book so far, other than the dogs. The Bess situation I find completely heartbreaking, and I pretty much hate Laura's guts and did from her first mention. And there are yeeeeears worth of relationship drama with her to wade through.
I'm also having a hard time really understanding where Vallance is coming from. She spends an AMAZING amount of time defending her father as practically a saint, despite the fact that he beat her, and pretty badly. I get that people are complicated and you can still love someone who hurts you, but it never comes across as "this thing he did was wrong" and more "He was perfect! Except for this one teeny tiny thing that is no big deal." Ugh!
I also can't help but think there's more to the story with her mother than she's telling. She complains a bunch about her mom not contacting her after the accident, but then also says that she actively hid her injury from everyone for like, months, at least, if not longer. You can't have it both ways. Her mom does seem like kind of a jerk in this telling, but so does Vallance, so I feel like there has to be something else at the root of it than just her mom is a terrible person.
While part of me gets that maybe some of the flaws in the way Vallance tells her story may be related to her TBI, that doesn't help me enjoy it any more. I'm just going to let this one go.
August 25, 2019
I love memoirs, and I expected a lot having an anoxic brain injury. But I ended up wondering how damaged her brain really was. After her accident she drove home, her friends did not notice anything. But then she couldn't even pick out a yellow circle? I don't have a degree, and I don't know how you could get her Ph.D. with a severe TBI--and she was originally diagnosed with mild TBI so I don't understand why the doctor would say she could not work, especially only a week after her accident--any injury much less a brain injury should not be diagnosed as devastating so quickly. Her glossing over of her father's brutality toward his children while talking about how much she idolized (and idealized) him made no sense to me, especially since she was so critical of her mother. All in all I could have skipped this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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