What do you think?
Rate this book
Mismatch : The Growing Gulf Between Women and Men
Identifies a growing dissonance between men and women, citing statistics that identify disparities between the experiences and attitudes of each gender, while noting the pervasiveness of crimes against women.
228 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2003
1 person is currently reading
21 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Hacker
34 books24 followersAndrew Hacker is an American political scientist and public intellectual.
He is currently Professor Emeritus in the Department of Political Science at Queens College in New York. He did his undergraduate work at Amherst College. This was followed by graduate work at Oxford University, University of Michigan, and Princeton University where he received his PhD degree.
Hacker taught at Cornell before taking his current position at Queens.
His most recent book, Higher Education? was written in collaboration with Claudia Dreifus, his domestic partner. Professor Hacker is a frequent contributor to the New York Review of Books.
He is currently Professor Emeritus in the Department of Political Science at Queens College in New York. He did his undergraduate work at Amherst College. This was followed by graduate work at Oxford University, University of Michigan, and Princeton University where he received his PhD degree.
Hacker taught at Cornell before taking his current position at Queens.
His most recent book, Higher Education? was written in collaboration with Claudia Dreifus, his domestic partner. Professor Hacker is a frequent contributor to the New York Review of Books.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
April 7, 2017
Rating - 7.6
Factual expose on the gender inequality between the sexes - a bit too factual at times as I needed time away from the book to finish - does not shy away from our natural discrimination
Statistics on pre-marital co-habitation was very surprising and overall there was knowledge gained from the reading, but it will be a while before I tackle a book on this subject again
Interesting Thoughts
Why Marriages Don't Last
- 50% divorce rate
- marriages fail because we refuse to look at facets of ourselves that we would rather not confront
- central purpose of marriage is social constraint - turn men into husbands, women into wives
- Marriages used to last because partners became comfortable w domestic routine - happiness was secondary
- sometimes people are married to the offspring not to each other
- Why Do People Marry??
- happier married than in their current state - not true
- what is really sought is intimate companionship w someone who will support and revitalize - take the life into new areas
- a state of life where you convince yourself - many people like that so easy to find a partner
- Once you are marriage-ready - you look for a long-lasting mate not a steady date
- People act more lovable when looking for marriage - will inflate or invent tendencies to make themselves happy
- women understand male emotions better than vice versa
- current environment creates more opportunities for women which make them re-think priorities and ideals
- Men want a nest to which they can relax w domestic duties provided for and a lair for their freedom
- although men think that they help out at home, women have a different idea
- Men are happier in relationships and less apt to initiate divorce
- Women expect to learn about themselves in a marriage - more willing to leave a marriage if they do not get what they want
- women are more interested in the surroundings and settings of sexual acts - men just want to get to the action
- Men appreciate porn because it allows them to fantasize of someone solely for sex - prostitution ruins the allure
- Men and women are more demanding in their standards
- our temparement defines us - when we act like who we are not, we run the risk of not being happy,and fool those who we are courting
- Husband and wife do not have the same definition - people are less willing to make concessions
- 83% of those 35-39 were married in 1970 - by 2000 it had fallen to 64%
- Average age of women getting married - in 1960 it was 20.3 years old, now it is 27
- Average age of motherhood - 81.2% under 25 (1970), 51.8% in 2000
- roughly 2.3MM marriages per year - in 1970, 69% for first time, in 1990 53% for first time
- 8% of brides and grooms have been married at least three times
- Fewer people are getting married, so there are fewer divorces - more childless couples so there are less children involved
- Women are getting married at a later age - more focussed on career, more willing to be a single mother, and abortions
- Women have been giving too much to marriages - if the man does not start returning it will only get worse
- Men have been raised to believe that women are not intellectual equals and are not willing to communicate in depth - they want a caretaker
- For marriage to work, the individuals must be willing to become a collaborative life
- Men commit adultery for the assurance that they are talented and attractive - other reasons are boredom, revenge, and opportunity
- More opportunities for men because the number of single women is growing - opportunistic living arrangement as well
- Co-habitation - living together beforehand is a growing trend- usually the man moving in with the woman
- Covenant Marriage - counselling beforehand and divorce can only occur through adultery, felony, or abuse - not irreconciliable differences
- Henry Hyde - led the adultery-based impeachment of Clinton - subsequently caught having an affair on his wife
- Each year over a million marriages are ended by divorce or annulment
-15% of women aged 40-44 are divorced
- First marriages of those aged 25 or less have a divorce forecast of 52%
- 50% of Americans reach 30 without being married
- Only one out of six co-habitations make it three years after marriage
- 36% of co-habitations have a child in the home
- Woman is the petitioner in 65% of divorces i9n marriages w children - 56% in marriages wo (61% combined)
- 900M women are abused every year by men who are linked to them
- 7.2MM are legally wed but not living with their spouse
- Men feel more emancipated in their sexual latitude
- the way a man gets back at an ex-wife is to pay as little in settlement - new family to take care of
- Men offer a different way of discipline and guidance that most children need
- Women spend more time child-rearing then men do
- Kids are getting use to divorce and classmates can relate making it easier on children
- Men's Liberation - freedom that enables men to leave their wives and children with little social backlash or financial impact
- US Congress - offered $20MM for states that could reduce their out of wedlock birth rate
- Clinton Administration - passed Welfare policies that penalized single mothers
- Only 63% of children still live with biological parents
- Single women gav birth to 1.3MM children in 2000
- only 1 in 6 children average a weekly visit - only 33% remain in contact after 10 years
- single women are 30% of adopting parents - more educated and financially stable
42% of single mothers are not awarded child support
- 2MM of fathers are in prison
- 40% of mothers have never been married
- 33% of children born are out of marriage - demographic changing from teenagers to older women
- Canada has the third highest pregnancies and births per single women
- More couples are going childless or limiting themselves to one child
- Most adults feel that today's youth is out of control
- Far fewer people believe they have the obligation to be parents - Is being childless selfish??
- Lower amount of children will affect the pensions and care of today's generation 30 years from now
- Parenting is an opportunity cost that is no longer worth the payoff - Is parenting an altruistic act??
- Women are viewing their education as an investment that should be protected - delay birth
- Women are not consciously choosing to forego children - it is an internal drive needing to be expressed
- Women only got into good universities because successful men wanted their offspring there
- the cost of raising children has gone up - both in childhood and tuition
- Parenthood is a competition - there are winners and losers - parents will blames themselves if there child is a loser
- women want more from life than homemakers and mothers - men feel neglected
- employment among married women is a significant predictor of divorce rate
- another mismatch is that as women move forward in education and men do not - there is a growing separation of interests
- Keinderfeindlichkeit - anyone who hates those that are innocent and to be loved
-Ideology - doctrines intended to preserve the superiority of one group while sub-ordinating another
- Regression to the Mean - offspring of successful parents turn out to be average and overtaken by those of lower origins
- Only 27% of families have three children - down from 53% in 1970
- White women have the lowest fertility rate per 100 women - only 58% of newborns are white
- Yemen has the highest in the world - 760 births per 100 women
- in 1970, 81% of women had their first child under 25 - in 2000 it is 51%
- Women are better students - male children spend more time watching television and playing sports
- Exception is mathematics - where boys start dominating by end of high school
- Boys begin writing tests and essays right away while females take time to organize their thoughts
- Less men are graduating, more women are
- women who graduate want to be single after they graduate - live the life for a while
- girls will skip the hardest question rather than guess - boys are more confident and work quicker
- In 1970, women accounted for 22% of Ivy League - in 2000 it was 48%
- Words are meant to demoralize women - slut, whore, loose, easy, available - nymphomaniac, promiscuous
- Women have a past - one that is frowned upon - same standards do not apply to men
- Men focus on numbers - women worry more about the future fidelity
- Men exaggerate sexual success even to strangers
- Another double standard that women depreciate faster than men - multi-billion dollar cosmetics industry
- 20.5% of women have had more than 10 sexual partners
- Women average 3.5 partners, men 12.7 - issues of honesty
- 67% of re-married men marry 10 years their junior
- 51% of women who earn more than $100M are married (85% men)
- Men are far more aggressive when it comes to nationalism
- women are starting to make strides in the less physical sports
- 70% of men climax, only 30% of women do
- more women supported Clinton than men
- most mixed marriages are WM AW and WW BM
- Forced Sex Study - men were not responsive to forced sex under normal conditions - but when aggravated were turned on by it
- mens preference for oral gratification is about power and control
- there are some animals (scorpions, snow geese) that rape
- simulated rape tapes sell well
- this could be why athletes rape when they do not need to
- victims are put on trial which makes it untolerable
- four types of rapists - the romantic loner, the women-hater, the sadist and the impulsive
- rape is not about sexual pleasure but about power and inflicting pain
- 100M rapes per year - 55M unsuccessful rapes - and these are only the reported ones
- 62% of rapists are known by the victim
- 15% of victims are under the age of 13
- based on the premise that to be heterosexual is natural
- homosexuals must have had some emotional trauma as a child
- adopted children are more likely to be homosexual - boys feel emasculated, girls feel abandoned
- we are sexual creatures - adding homo and hetero really do not mean anything - it is a matter of choice
- more people are willing to admit they are gay
- Polymorphous - sexual orientation is constricting - Freud
- three times as many gay men as there are lesbians
- the White race is not as clean and stable as it makes itself out to be
- white men view black men as their primal selves - what they want to be
- big wage disparity between WM and BM
- racial lines are blurring in the attitudes of the youth
- the number of inter-racial marriages is growing - 350M couples
- 70% of rap recordings are bought by white teenagers
- Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept w 20M women
- only 44% of black children live w both parents
- 85% of seats at pro basketball games are white
- 68% of black births are to unmarried women (23% white)
- 45% of unmarried mothers are happy w their condition
- women are increasing in all job occupations
- underpaid compared to men
- men who are a 2 think of themselves as better than a female who is a 2
- men are pursuing prizes beyond their grasp
- US created $88MM abstention reward program
- womens heightened aspirations have no parallel in human times
- six out of top 400 are women
- 57% of bachelor degrees go to women
Factual expose on the gender inequality between the sexes - a bit too factual at times as I needed time away from the book to finish - does not shy away from our natural discrimination
Statistics on pre-marital co-habitation was very surprising and overall there was knowledge gained from the reading, but it will be a while before I tackle a book on this subject again
Interesting Thoughts
Why Marriages Don't Last
- 50% divorce rate
- marriages fail because we refuse to look at facets of ourselves that we would rather not confront
- central purpose of marriage is social constraint - turn men into husbands, women into wives
- Marriages used to last because partners became comfortable w domestic routine - happiness was secondary
- sometimes people are married to the offspring not to each other
- Why Do People Marry??
- happier married than in their current state - not true
- what is really sought is intimate companionship w someone who will support and revitalize - take the life into new areas
- a state of life where you convince yourself - many people like that so easy to find a partner
- Once you are marriage-ready - you look for a long-lasting mate not a steady date
- People act more lovable when looking for marriage - will inflate or invent tendencies to make themselves happy
- women understand male emotions better than vice versa
- current environment creates more opportunities for women which make them re-think priorities and ideals
- Men want a nest to which they can relax w domestic duties provided for and a lair for their freedom
- although men think that they help out at home, women have a different idea
- Men are happier in relationships and less apt to initiate divorce
- Women expect to learn about themselves in a marriage - more willing to leave a marriage if they do not get what they want
- women are more interested in the surroundings and settings of sexual acts - men just want to get to the action
- Men appreciate porn because it allows them to fantasize of someone solely for sex - prostitution ruins the allure
- Men and women are more demanding in their standards
- our temparement defines us - when we act like who we are not, we run the risk of not being happy,and fool those who we are courting
- Husband and wife do not have the same definition - people are less willing to make concessions
- 83% of those 35-39 were married in 1970 - by 2000 it had fallen to 64%
- Average age of women getting married - in 1960 it was 20.3 years old, now it is 27
- Average age of motherhood - 81.2% under 25 (1970), 51.8% in 2000
- roughly 2.3MM marriages per year - in 1970, 69% for first time, in 1990 53% for first time
- 8% of brides and grooms have been married at least three times
- Fewer people are getting married, so there are fewer divorces - more childless couples so there are less children involved
- Women are getting married at a later age - more focussed on career, more willing to be a single mother, and abortions
- Women have been giving too much to marriages - if the man does not start returning it will only get worse
- Men have been raised to believe that women are not intellectual equals and are not willing to communicate in depth - they want a caretaker
- For marriage to work, the individuals must be willing to become a collaborative life
- Men commit adultery for the assurance that they are talented and attractive - other reasons are boredom, revenge, and opportunity
- More opportunities for men because the number of single women is growing - opportunistic living arrangement as well
- Co-habitation - living together beforehand is a growing trend- usually the man moving in with the woman
- Covenant Marriage - counselling beforehand and divorce can only occur through adultery, felony, or abuse - not irreconciliable differences
- Henry Hyde - led the adultery-based impeachment of Clinton - subsequently caught having an affair on his wife
- Each year over a million marriages are ended by divorce or annulment
-15% of women aged 40-44 are divorced
- First marriages of those aged 25 or less have a divorce forecast of 52%
- 50% of Americans reach 30 without being married
- Only one out of six co-habitations make it three years after marriage
- 36% of co-habitations have a child in the home
- Woman is the petitioner in 65% of divorces i9n marriages w children - 56% in marriages wo (61% combined)
- 900M women are abused every year by men who are linked to them
- 7.2MM are legally wed but not living with their spouse
- Men feel more emancipated in their sexual latitude
- the way a man gets back at an ex-wife is to pay as little in settlement - new family to take care of
- Men offer a different way of discipline and guidance that most children need
- Women spend more time child-rearing then men do
- Kids are getting use to divorce and classmates can relate making it easier on children
- Men's Liberation - freedom that enables men to leave their wives and children with little social backlash or financial impact
- US Congress - offered $20MM for states that could reduce their out of wedlock birth rate
- Clinton Administration - passed Welfare policies that penalized single mothers
- Only 63% of children still live with biological parents
- Single women gav birth to 1.3MM children in 2000
- only 1 in 6 children average a weekly visit - only 33% remain in contact after 10 years
- single women are 30% of adopting parents - more educated and financially stable
42% of single mothers are not awarded child support
- 2MM of fathers are in prison
- 40% of mothers have never been married
- 33% of children born are out of marriage - demographic changing from teenagers to older women
- Canada has the third highest pregnancies and births per single women
- More couples are going childless or limiting themselves to one child
- Most adults feel that today's youth is out of control
- Far fewer people believe they have the obligation to be parents - Is being childless selfish??
- Lower amount of children will affect the pensions and care of today's generation 30 years from now
- Parenting is an opportunity cost that is no longer worth the payoff - Is parenting an altruistic act??
- Women are viewing their education as an investment that should be protected - delay birth
- Women are not consciously choosing to forego children - it is an internal drive needing to be expressed
- Women only got into good universities because successful men wanted their offspring there
- the cost of raising children has gone up - both in childhood and tuition
- Parenthood is a competition - there are winners and losers - parents will blames themselves if there child is a loser
- women want more from life than homemakers and mothers - men feel neglected
- employment among married women is a significant predictor of divorce rate
- another mismatch is that as women move forward in education and men do not - there is a growing separation of interests
- Keinderfeindlichkeit - anyone who hates those that are innocent and to be loved
-Ideology - doctrines intended to preserve the superiority of one group while sub-ordinating another
- Regression to the Mean - offspring of successful parents turn out to be average and overtaken by those of lower origins
- Only 27% of families have three children - down from 53% in 1970
- White women have the lowest fertility rate per 100 women - only 58% of newborns are white
- Yemen has the highest in the world - 760 births per 100 women
- in 1970, 81% of women had their first child under 25 - in 2000 it is 51%
- Women are better students - male children spend more time watching television and playing sports
- Exception is mathematics - where boys start dominating by end of high school
- Boys begin writing tests and essays right away while females take time to organize their thoughts
- Less men are graduating, more women are
- women who graduate want to be single after they graduate - live the life for a while
- girls will skip the hardest question rather than guess - boys are more confident and work quicker
- In 1970, women accounted for 22% of Ivy League - in 2000 it was 48%
- Words are meant to demoralize women - slut, whore, loose, easy, available - nymphomaniac, promiscuous
- Women have a past - one that is frowned upon - same standards do not apply to men
- Men focus on numbers - women worry more about the future fidelity
- Men exaggerate sexual success even to strangers
- Another double standard that women depreciate faster than men - multi-billion dollar cosmetics industry
- 20.5% of women have had more than 10 sexual partners
- Women average 3.5 partners, men 12.7 - issues of honesty
- 67% of re-married men marry 10 years their junior
- 51% of women who earn more than $100M are married (85% men)
- Men are far more aggressive when it comes to nationalism
- women are starting to make strides in the less physical sports
- 70% of men climax, only 30% of women do
- more women supported Clinton than men
- most mixed marriages are WM AW and WW BM
- Forced Sex Study - men were not responsive to forced sex under normal conditions - but when aggravated were turned on by it
- mens preference for oral gratification is about power and control
- there are some animals (scorpions, snow geese) that rape
- simulated rape tapes sell well
- this could be why athletes rape when they do not need to
- victims are put on trial which makes it untolerable
- four types of rapists - the romantic loner, the women-hater, the sadist and the impulsive
- rape is not about sexual pleasure but about power and inflicting pain
- 100M rapes per year - 55M unsuccessful rapes - and these are only the reported ones
- 62% of rapists are known by the victim
- 15% of victims are under the age of 13
- based on the premise that to be heterosexual is natural
- homosexuals must have had some emotional trauma as a child
- adopted children are more likely to be homosexual - boys feel emasculated, girls feel abandoned
- we are sexual creatures - adding homo and hetero really do not mean anything - it is a matter of choice
- more people are willing to admit they are gay
- Polymorphous - sexual orientation is constricting - Freud
- three times as many gay men as there are lesbians
- the White race is not as clean and stable as it makes itself out to be
- white men view black men as their primal selves - what they want to be
- big wage disparity between WM and BM
- racial lines are blurring in the attitudes of the youth
- the number of inter-racial marriages is growing - 350M couples
- 70% of rap recordings are bought by white teenagers
- Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept w 20M women
- only 44% of black children live w both parents
- 85% of seats at pro basketball games are white
- 68% of black births are to unmarried women (23% white)
- 45% of unmarried mothers are happy w their condition
- women are increasing in all job occupations
- underpaid compared to men
- men who are a 2 think of themselves as better than a female who is a 2
- men are pursuing prizes beyond their grasp
- US created $88MM abstention reward program
- womens heightened aspirations have no parallel in human times
- six out of top 400 are women
- 57% of bachelor degrees go to women
March 9, 2019
This book has always received rather low ratings I think because of it's rather bleak message.
December 19, 2020
I just found this. Originally written in 2003 so it's a bit dated. However I'm certain all points are still valid and have worsened over the last 17 years.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews