The Lampblack Blue of Memory: My Mother Echoes

by Sarah Adleman

“To call Sarah Adleman’s memoir profound and beautiful would be a grossly inadequate attempt to describe a brilliant, deeply moving yet unflinchingly unsentimental exploration of grief I could never in my life have begun to imagine, at least not until now: a blended-genre collage of historical, scientific, autobiographical and deeply spiritual nonfiction, poetry and prose poetry, including the poetry written by Adleman’s wise, remarkable mother. This memoir asks some of the most difficult questions anyone can ask: How is acceptance and forgiveness even possible in the face of unspeakable cruelty and violence? How is it possible even to describe, much less to find the right metaphors for, unspeakable pain and grief? Yet through her most profound struggles, Adleman finds a way, taking us on long journeys by train, across snowy landscapes, even to sweat lodges and Tibet, making a deep dive into such a complex array of extended metaphors that she can finally bring herself, and us, to a kind of understanding and acceptance. Before now, I could not have imagined a more courageous, life-changing memoir than this, yet here it is, a loving tribute to Adleman’s long-grieving father and lost mother.”
Lex Williford, author of Macauley’s Thumb and Superman on the Roof

“Sarah Adleman writes, “Time dictates we are always moving forward, even when grief dictates we stop.” Yet, in this collection, somehow it seems we’re at a standstill. As I read this stunning collection of essays, I moved backwards in time and into Adleman’s grief. Make no mistake—it broke my heart. But that’s the power in her writing—the essays are terrifying and tender and will break you, but you’ll work your way through it, as there’s no other way around it, and slowly you’ll put your heart back together, as Adleman reconciles the magnifying loss of her mother.  Some moments you’ll swim in the sadness, other moments you’ll float from above, and in some you’ll see slivers of beauty. In the end, she writes, “I want to feel again and again and again.” And she does just that, all the while reminding you of what it means to be alive, even on the threshold of pain. I love this beautiful book.”
Liz Schied, author of The Shape of Blue

“In this memoir, Adleman manages to keep us engaged by nimbly encompassing several literary genres, experimental narrative devices, cultural references and mini-history lessons, but never forgetting its main goal: to be deeply personal, intimate and humane, which is what good memoirs should always be.”
José de Piérola, author of Fabulations and many others

“This is tragedy turned upside down into understanding. An astounding and moving book.”
Tom Russel, singer/songwriter/essayist/painter

Genres: Memoir

150 pages, Hardcover

Published June 18, 2019

Reviews

[Patti Stauss · Rating 5 out of 5]

Profound. I've met Sarah but don't know her personally. Wouldn't know her if I passed her on the street. And yet, I feel I know her a bit better now. I know of her thru a sister-in-law.

Her book is unusual and artistic, like nothing I've read before. I could not put it down. I wanted, even needed, to read it to the very end.

Thank you Sarah for this treasure. Thank you for sharing a bit of your mother. She lives on.

[Maddison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like to put sticky notes on the pages in books that really stand out to me so I can revisit them later.
I couldn’t do that for this book. Every page stood out every word wounded. The book would quickly be more sticky note than book, it would be a waste, I know I can open to any page and find something powerful and worth rereading 100 times. Spectacular.
I typically read very slow and often struggle my eyes bounce around and the words becomes jumbled I have to reread it over again and the words become boxy. This was not the case with this book. Even on first read I could read quickly and smoothly. Every page felt familiar like I had read it many times before. Despite the content being so far from my wheel house of experience the writing felt familiar but also felt a universe away it felt like home. You feel every emotion fully and deeply and yet it never feels bad or good. This book somehow in one sentence fills you with warmth and breaks your heart. It is a conundrum of a feeling that I cannot describe the depth and beauty of. There aren’t enough words in my vocabulary to describe the wonder that is this book. One of those books that I both wish I could read for the first time again and feel no need for it cause every rereading of every word feels fresh and brings up a new feeling and somehow also feels nostalgic. Just wow. Every thing I’ve read since pales in comparison. This short book has lived hundreds of lives. Love
Also...
Need more poetry from you plleeeeeaaasssssseeeeee

[Riki Towle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Adleman shares her soul searching journey to make sense of the senseless. Her travels expand the globe as she explores the physical and the metaphysical aspects of life and death. Her story is easy to connect with as she eloquently relays how she learned to move forward and find joy after the tragic death of her mother. She brilliantly captures the randomness in which trauma, grief and love can sneak up on you and take you to a place where you find yourself lost between memories of what was and the wonders of the what ifs. The raw honesty in which Sarah Adleman exposes her personal grief is as heartbreaking as it is heartwarming. She gracefully reassures the reader that acceptance is a path to freedom. I felt as if she reached into my soul and gently caressed it.

[Colin Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has great perspective. There's historical, neurological & societal context. There's poetry. The perspective drew me in deeper than just a straight telling would. It's powerful and heartfelt, with a message of appreciating life and choosing joy

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book.