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The Narcissist's Playbook: How to Identify, Disarm, and Protect Yourself from Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Other Types of Manipulative and Abusive People
Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might?
Do you continually feel anxious around someone in your life, but can’t pinpoint why?
Do conversations seem to go off track, leaving you feeling knocked off balance and confused?
Does it feel like they are making your life a living hell, but they insist that you are too sensitive, crazy, or to blame?
Perhaps you know you are being manipulated or abused, but don’t know how to make it stop.
The Narcissist’s Playbook can help.
Dana Morningstar is a domestic violence advocate, author, podcaster, YouTuber, speaker, and group leader. She writes from personal as well as professional experience in the field of domestic violence awareness, narcissistic abuse, and advocacy.
Some of the topics covered in The Narcissist’s Playbook are:
- What manipulation is and isn’t.
- How to spot manipulative behaviors early (and why most people struggle with this).
- How and why people get caught up with manipulators, and why they have a hard time breaking free.
- How to identify the emotional “hook” that is keeping you stuck in manipulation and what you can do about it.
- How to effectively disable manipulation as it is happening.
- How to identify the common personality traits that are frequently exploited by manipulators.
You can take back your life. The Narcissist’s Playbook tells you how.
Do you continually feel anxious around someone in your life, but can’t pinpoint why?
Do conversations seem to go off track, leaving you feeling knocked off balance and confused?
Does it feel like they are making your life a living hell, but they insist that you are too sensitive, crazy, or to blame?
Perhaps you know you are being manipulated or abused, but don’t know how to make it stop.
The Narcissist’s Playbook can help.
Dana Morningstar is a domestic violence advocate, author, podcaster, YouTuber, speaker, and group leader. She writes from personal as well as professional experience in the field of domestic violence awareness, narcissistic abuse, and advocacy.
Some of the topics covered in The Narcissist’s Playbook are:
- What manipulation is and isn’t.
- How to spot manipulative behaviors early (and why most people struggle with this).
- How and why people get caught up with manipulators, and why they have a hard time breaking free.
- How to identify the emotional “hook” that is keeping you stuck in manipulation and what you can do about it.
- How to effectively disable manipulation as it is happening.
- How to identify the common personality traits that are frequently exploited by manipulators.
You can take back your life. The Narcissist’s Playbook tells you how.
324 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 30, 2019
114 people are currently reading
703 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
November 23, 2019
This is a must read for anyone who has dealt with manipulative personalities. This book gave me so much clarity and I really appreciate how simple and straightforward it is. These are some meaningful quotes I took away from this book:
"Being charming is not the same as being a good person. After all, even Ted Bundy and Bill Cosby were charming."
"Persistence doesn't always mean a person is sincere."
"Yes, setting boundaries may turn off some people. but that's ok... not everyone you meet is meant to be in your inner circle."
"Therapists are human too. they don't hear and see everything. They're not experts on your life -- you are."
"If you were to draw the process of change you wouldn't see a straight line."
"Promising to change isn't change. it's just talk."
"If compassion doesn't include yourself, it's incomplete."
"Not everyone will like you, and even if they do, they won't approve of what you're doing all of the time. "
"Confusion is always the first sign of a problem no matter how fleeting it may be."
"Unfortunately we live in a dysfunctional society and nothing in this book is common knowledge ....or taught."
"Most people are in deep denial and don't want to face the facts that a person is manipulative---especially if that person is a family member."
"You might start to notice physical symptoms that arise when you are around toxic behavior and situations. As though you literally feel the toxicity and it's making you sick."
"Being charming is not the same as being a good person. After all, even Ted Bundy and Bill Cosby were charming."
"Persistence doesn't always mean a person is sincere."
"Yes, setting boundaries may turn off some people. but that's ok... not everyone you meet is meant to be in your inner circle."
"Therapists are human too. they don't hear and see everything. They're not experts on your life -- you are."
"If you were to draw the process of change you wouldn't see a straight line."
"Promising to change isn't change. it's just talk."
"If compassion doesn't include yourself, it's incomplete."
"Not everyone will like you, and even if they do, they won't approve of what you're doing all of the time. "
"Confusion is always the first sign of a problem no matter how fleeting it may be."
"Unfortunately we live in a dysfunctional society and nothing in this book is common knowledge ....or taught."
"Most people are in deep denial and don't want to face the facts that a person is manipulative---especially if that person is a family member."
"You might start to notice physical symptoms that arise when you are around toxic behavior and situations. As though you literally feel the toxicity and it's making you sick."
March 15, 2020
I am quite familiar with the subject Narcissist’s só to me the book felt quite repetitive.
Nevertheless it did give important insights (especially in the last chapters).
Something that could be better: she speaks too much about those who are physically abusive and those who scam you for money.
Though those exist, the majority hurt you without beating you or stealing your money. Though the author does speak about this it is very subtle. For someone new to the subject I find it very easy that once they hear money scam or being physically abused they can very easily dismiss the subject because their partner aren’t that bad. And it is a lie. Psychological abuse can be even more damaging. The worst thing is: it is much harder to identify. Physical abuse is easy to see. Being scammed for money too. The real issue is identifying the rest
Nevertheless it did give important insights (especially in the last chapters).
Something that could be better: she speaks too much about those who are physically abusive and those who scam you for money.
Though those exist, the majority hurt you without beating you or stealing your money. Though the author does speak about this it is very subtle. For someone new to the subject I find it very easy that once they hear money scam or being physically abused they can very easily dismiss the subject because their partner aren’t that bad. And it is a lie. Psychological abuse can be even more damaging. The worst thing is: it is much harder to identify. Physical abuse is easy to see. Being scammed for money too. The real issue is identifying the rest
September 7, 2021
One of the best books I’ve ever read on identifying manipulative behavior. It gives excellent strategies for growing a strong sense of self to keep one’s being in balance after manipulation. As a psychotherapist I will definitely be recommending this as an excellent read.
December 18, 2024
pazīt, atpazīt un rīkoties, lai neiekristu manipulatoru izliktajos slaidos. un labāk saprast un sadzīvot ar to manipulatoru, kas ir mūsos katrā.
April 3, 2023
The author points out that most people who read this book are doing so because they are trying to understand a manipulative person in their life. But honestly, this should be required reading when coming into adulthood. Narcissists, psychopaths, manipulators, and the like are all around and being able to spot these behaviors and learn your boundaries ahead of time can be life saving. The strategies she outlines in this book are clear and easy to implement. She does a great job of balancing facts with insight into emotions and behaviors. I found the whole book fascinating, helpful, and reassuring. Highly suggest all people read this book.
November 8, 2019
This is a great introduction to narcissism and other personality disorders and strategies that you can use to shield yourself from their manipulation. If this is a new topic for you, then this book is definitely for you. As a therapist, I have a lot of background in this topic, so it was a bit basic for me.
November 25, 2020
Dealing with manipulative people is tough. This book contains clear and useful insights and tactics regarding this topic.
November 27, 2025
The trap with this book is you may try to align your own experiences and place individuals you know against this playbook, this may not always be the case.
I can confirm that reading and re-reading this will result in you always coming away with something new.... So! What did I learn?
The fact that there is a definition called "Flying Monkeys" and the meaning behind them. Genuinely love definitions us humans give things.
I liked the random sum up of averages that said maybe 10% of people you know love you, 10% don't and everyone else fits in the middle.
This playbook provided some interesting analogies and ways of thinking, if you are dealing with or have dealt with narcissists this is an easy yet informative and helpful digest.
I can confirm that reading and re-reading this will result in you always coming away with something new.... So! What did I learn?
The fact that there is a definition called "Flying Monkeys" and the meaning behind them. Genuinely love definitions us humans give things.
I liked the random sum up of averages that said maybe 10% of people you know love you, 10% don't and everyone else fits in the middle.
This playbook provided some interesting analogies and ways of thinking, if you are dealing with or have dealt with narcissists this is an easy yet informative and helpful digest.
August 18, 2024
This is a book that I wish that I had read a few years ago when I began working for a very Narcissistic boss. I stupidly did not know that people, professional people, behaved so incredibly badly. I did not know how to respond; he made me feel like I was crazy…like I was the problem. As I stayed in the position because I really really loved the job, I started noticing that my colleagues were the exact replica - horrible! There were so many mind games being played on top of lots of manipulation. I found myself having to resort to note taking, keeping emails…just to prove myself while discounting every falsehood they threw at me!
This book speaks a lot towards personal relationships. But, many of the details can easily be applied to experiences in a toxic workplace. Read this book if you are dealing with people who are manipulators. Read this book if you are involved in manipulative situations…think Toxic Workpace.
This book speaks a lot towards personal relationships. But, many of the details can easily be applied to experiences in a toxic workplace. Read this book if you are dealing with people who are manipulators. Read this book if you are involved in manipulative situations…think Toxic Workpace.
February 11, 2025
Here’s the deal: if you grew up with a narcissistic parent(s), have had a narcissistic partner, or tend to fall for narcissistic guys… THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!!! A lot of examples, a lot of very practical explanations, and helpful tips to identity a manipulator and how to respond.
For me personally, kinda not very relatable. Guess that’s a good thing, but a lot of it was common sense to me, and while I’ve ran into the occasional narcissist, I haven’t been close enough to see some of these examples up close and personal. Part of it is, I don’t take shit from people lol 🙈 BUT helpful tips regardless, good to know the warning signs bc if you think it might not happen to you, it probably could. 3 stars because most of this book was examples and it could’ve been consolidated, but at the same time, I see the value of them for people who are dealing with the day-to-day of living with a narcissist.
For me personally, kinda not very relatable. Guess that’s a good thing, but a lot of it was common sense to me, and while I’ve ran into the occasional narcissist, I haven’t been close enough to see some of these examples up close and personal. Part of it is, I don’t take shit from people lol 🙈 BUT helpful tips regardless, good to know the warning signs bc if you think it might not happen to you, it probably could. 3 stars because most of this book was examples and it could’ve been consolidated, but at the same time, I see the value of them for people who are dealing with the day-to-day of living with a narcissist.
November 19, 2019
one of the better Narc books and i've read a lot. It's actually hard to find a book regarding Narcs / Narc abuse that isn't a good one to be honest. im almost done and will most likely raed it again.
October 21, 2020
If you suspect you might be in an emotionally or psychologically abusive relationship, please read this book!
May 3, 2023
while I found the content a bit repetitive and wished there were more examples of specific types of narcissism, I appreciated the clear, logical, easy to follow organization of the information.
September 13, 2023
Well organized guide to help you identify the manipulators in your path as well as helpful strategies to deal with difficult situations.
February 4, 2026
This book helped me forgive myself for the abuse I put up with from my PhD advisor. It's a good book. I won't judge it by the same standard I usually judge books, because the lessons in this book could save someone's life. It needed an editor - it's clearly self-published, probably typed in Microsoft Word, and the typesetting is weird. Going through a publisher would have probably refined the book in both text formatting and overall organization/flow, and made it solidly perfect. However, if I'm correct in how this book came to be, I respect the author for being a businesswoman and self-sublishing good content. There is nothing I disagree with inside. The cover is just a bit gaudy to take anywhere with you, but honestly it was eye-catching and matched perfectly the frustration I was feeling from the narcisissitic boss I was dealing with, so it won over other similar books on the subject as my pick to read first. I have to give it 5 stars, because it really helped me and rewired my brain for the better, and it's written in an accessible and compassionate way for readers coming from any background.
Some of my favorite quotes:
[When someone is being manipulated,] any of the target's attempts at authentic connection or communication become silenced, and are replaced with resentment, insecurity, and fear.
[Don't] let well-intended bad advice or pressure from others knock you off course. (This one was huge for me)
[W]e may also struggle with doubting our perception of events, and fearing that we are hyper-vigilant, and misreading the situation... This self-doubt can cause us to look to others for validation. The problem is that unless those other people are deeply familiar with manipulation, the odds that they'll be able to spot it are slim to none. Instead, what tends to happen is that they offer up excuses and alternate explanations for what you are experiencing... You need to be able to determine if something is a problem for you, and not continually ask others.
Some of the faulty thinking that stems from the Pollyanna Principle is: Other people will treat me like I treat them. This is faulty thinking because not everyone has the same set of morals and motivations that you do... it's important you see their behavior for what it is... The only way that you can appropriately and effectively treat others as the individuals that they are is to see them as such, and to not see them as a broken version of you.
Some of my favorite quotes:
[When someone is being manipulated,] any of the target's attempts at authentic connection or communication become silenced, and are replaced with resentment, insecurity, and fear.
[Don't] let well-intended bad advice or pressure from others knock you off course. (This one was huge for me)
[W]e may also struggle with doubting our perception of events, and fearing that we are hyper-vigilant, and misreading the situation... This self-doubt can cause us to look to others for validation. The problem is that unless those other people are deeply familiar with manipulation, the odds that they'll be able to spot it are slim to none. Instead, what tends to happen is that they offer up excuses and alternate explanations for what you are experiencing... You need to be able to determine if something is a problem for you, and not continually ask others.
Some of the faulty thinking that stems from the Pollyanna Principle is: Other people will treat me like I treat them. This is faulty thinking because not everyone has the same set of morals and motivations that you do... it's important you see their behavior for what it is... The only way that you can appropriately and effectively treat others as the individuals that they are is to see them as such, and to not see them as a broken version of you.
March 22, 2025
I have read a lot of books and listened to a lot of podcasts, YouTube videos, etc., on the subject of narcissism. This one right here brought a lot of new things to light and brought things to my attention in ways that no other book has. I learned so much from it from the first time I read it. I actually will still pick a chapter and listen to it on Audible again and again. Knowledge is power and sometimes we have to have or pounded into our heads because let’s be honest you wouldn’t be reading this book unless you’ve been a victim to narcissistic abuse. I was in a relationship with my narcissist for 8 1/2 years and I’m still dealing with the aftermath and I still need these reminders. This is a must read or in my case a must listen on Audible.
January 26, 2020
A very informative and useful book for anybody needing to understand and deal with a particularly problematic person in their life. The book focuses on cluster B manipulators such as psychopaths, narcissist, sociopaths, etc. The book helps the reader understand what manipulation actually is, common methods of manipulation, trauma bonds and presents a way to break free from manipulation. The last two chapters introduces several useful tools to escape manipulation and abuse. I personally found it very useful and would recommend it to others in need. Please consider to explore the authorship of Dana Morningstar, who has written extensively on these topics in many other books.
April 30, 2023
This book is seriously making me think into getting into AOD counselling, because it feels like one of the very few branches of therapy/counselling where practitioners are actually trained to work with manipulators.
According to Dana Morningstar, narcissism is on a spectrum - ranging from healthy narcissism (assertiveness, independence, self-confidence) to the unhealthy (self-centeredness, lack of empathy, feels entitled). It's seriously not a matter of whether or not you've "met a narcissist" - the real question is how to recognize when it's unhealthy in others or ourselves, and what to do next.
Please read this book, especially if you:
- don't think you know any narcissists
- think you'll be able to spot narcissistic behaviour from a mile away (you're wrong)
- work with people in caring, protecting, mentoring or advising positions
- have loved ones who have been/are currently in 'confusing' or 'complicated' relationships
- have been/are in relationships yourself that feel 'confusing' or 'complicated'
Five stars from me ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
(As a sidenote, Dana Morningstar needs to hire a new editor! I caught quite a lot of mistakes and instances where the writing didn't flow, which is a shame because the content truly shines. ✨)
📚 Recommended companion books:
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics by Adelyn Birch
Out of the Fog by Dana Morningstar
According to Dana Morningstar, narcissism is on a spectrum - ranging from healthy narcissism (assertiveness, independence, self-confidence) to the unhealthy (self-centeredness, lack of empathy, feels entitled). It's seriously not a matter of whether or not you've "met a narcissist" - the real question is how to recognize when it's unhealthy in others or ourselves, and what to do next.
Please read this book, especially if you:
- don't think you know any narcissists
- think you'll be able to spot narcissistic behaviour from a mile away (you're wrong)
- work with people in caring, protecting, mentoring or advising positions
- have loved ones who have been/are currently in 'confusing' or 'complicated' relationships
- have been/are in relationships yourself that feel 'confusing' or 'complicated'
Five stars from me ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
(As a sidenote, Dana Morningstar needs to hire a new editor! I caught quite a lot of mistakes and instances where the writing didn't flow, which is a shame because the content truly shines. ✨)
📚 Recommended companion books:
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics by Adelyn Birch
Out of the Fog by Dana Morningstar
December 31, 2025
This was an extremely helpful and insightful book. I have read numerous books about narcissistic and/or manipulative individuals, relationships with them, their behaviors, and how to navigate the relationships, including options if you are somewhat stuck with this person in your life or if you can leave. This is a new favorite for me about this topic. It is to the point, with clearly explained and easy to understand perspectives, behaviors, and terminology, while simultaneously being validating to the reader and encouraging the reader to make changes in themselves to protect themselves. I will definitely be recommending this book and am grateful to have it as a resource!
March 9, 2025
I read this thinking that it might be the psychosis of a person I had been in a very emotionally attached relationship with. To my shock and horror, I discovered it was actually my ex-husband. Even though I no longer felt crazy and everything was coming into view with great clarity, it still hit me with some air sucking gut punches. I will never forgot the moment and where I was when the author gave an example stopping me dead in my tracks as I was walking down the hallway to my office and I knew.
March 8, 2025
A must read for everyone. Most importabt for those who are or who have been in a relationship w a narc, also applicable if you have family members who are narcs but even if you don't, pls read it so you know the red flags & can hopefully gtfo before you're entangled in a mess. They are ALL the same. It's fucking weird. Little narc robots. This book is incredibly well-written, passionate, informative & valuable. Five stars!
January 10, 2026
Thank you for making this book
I just got done reading this book and have so much clarity now because of it. It has helped me a great deal as I just got out of a very narcissistic relationship and how you explained the state of constant confusion. I thought I was losing my mind. Turns out I wasn’t. Thank you for this.
I just got done reading this book and have so much clarity now because of it. It has helped me a great deal as I just got out of a very narcissistic relationship and how you explained the state of constant confusion. I thought I was losing my mind. Turns out I wasn’t. Thank you for this.
June 10, 2024
One of the best books on the Abuse, Manipulation and people causing and suffering from it. if you are ever confused or perplexed about some people around you, I suggest please give it a read, you may find extremely useful insights.
January 6, 2025
As someone who has dealt with abusive narcissists for years, I recommend anyone who is unsure about their situation, wants to learn how to identify the behaviors or simply need a different tactic on how to set boundaries.
January 21, 2025
One of the most crucial books I’ve ever read. Highly recommend for everyone - you never know when you’ll come across someone like the people you read about in this book. I could see myself reading this multiple times based on situations I needed to deal with or overcome. Very, very good info.
August 2, 2025
Most insightful book I've ever read about narcissism!!!
This book actually freed me from an almost 12+ year relationship where he had me believing I was the problem! I can see clearly now where there were doubts before. Get this book & reclaim your sanity!!!
This book actually freed me from an almost 12+ year relationship where he had me believing I was the problem! I can see clearly now where there were doubts before. Get this book & reclaim your sanity!!!
November 18, 2025
A must read, eye-opening book: the descriptions of narcissists are straightforward and understandable. Better still, the ending of the book provides practical resources for targets of manipulation. I would absolutely recommend this book, even if you are just curious about how narcissism works.
November 25, 2025
Unfortunate title...i don't think it does the content justice. I've read more books than I care to on the subject, but this one contained some priceless points I hadn't read elsewhere. and it was less about a "playbook" in my mind... more useful personal insights that I wasn't expecting.
June 20, 2022
Great book that has tons of good information
Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews