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Beside Every Successful Man: A Woman's Guide to Having It All
“There is a reason this book is titled beside every successful man rather than behind him. It is about taking the best part of the progress women have made and combining it with age-old wisdom to create a more satisfying future for both you and your husband. The wives who were the models for this book are not put-upon ‘little women.’ They didn’t abandon their own ambitions and desires by helping their husbands achieve theirs. They fulfilled them. Their service isn’t the same thing as subservience—they stand beside their husbands as equal partners. . . . This book is about real women who practiced simple though sometimes challenging principles to help their husbands achieve results that benefited their entire family. . . . What you’re about to read won’t tell you what you should want. It will tell you how to get what you do want.”
—from the author’s introduction to Beside Every Successful Man
“Stay-at-home wife”? “Stay-at-home mom”? In our parents’ day, those labels were either proudly worn or grudgingly accepted, but to nearly everyone they meant the same thing: a woman whose lifestyle involved running the household, preparing the meals, and tending to her husband and kids.
What has happened since? Station wagons have yielded to sport-utility hybrids, technology has arrived with a myriad of new ways to stay connected, and a new army of educated, highly skilled women has reinvented—and reembraced—“stay at home.”
Today’s female “stay-at-homer” tends to be much more highly educated and work-credentialed, which opens up exciting possibilities, chief among them the opportunity to be her husband’s most important career partner, mentoring and advising him to reach a level of success he wouldn’t achieve otherwise.
The unexpected dividends? Here, journalist and researcher Megan Basham persuasively argues that those who choose home as “command central” can expect a stronger marriage, but also—eventually—a higher income. Ironically, passing up that second paycheck frees up time to guide your husband to the kinds of professional triumphs that are money multipliers, creating long-sought financial freedom for your family.
Far from being homemaking June Cleavers, the women Basham investigates are firebrands, with skills ranging from public relations and accounting to executive decision-making. Many have pedigreed educations. While they were in the working world, what these women longed for was not a life of lunching and spa days but, rather, time to reflect and the comfort of being part of a joint family mission. For these trust-their-gut women searching for intellectual satisfaction and serenity, the answer was to help their husbands achieve a professional dream.
To show how it is possible to “have it all,” Basham profiles a wide range of wives, not just those whose husbands (like former Time Warner CEO Dick Parsons and Amazon founder Jeff Bezos) have risen to national prominence, but those whose husbands have triumphed outside the limelight. Each of these women, it turns out, has led a richly satisfying life—partly achieved by assuring her husband’s success.
One of the most provocative and convincing books ever written on the topic of women and work—a manual that, with its precise tips, will speed women toward the balance they seek— Beside Every Successful Man doesn’t just tell women what to do, it shows them how in a way that is inspirational.
—from the author’s introduction to Beside Every Successful Man
“Stay-at-home wife”? “Stay-at-home mom”? In our parents’ day, those labels were either proudly worn or grudgingly accepted, but to nearly everyone they meant the same thing: a woman whose lifestyle involved running the household, preparing the meals, and tending to her husband and kids.
What has happened since? Station wagons have yielded to sport-utility hybrids, technology has arrived with a myriad of new ways to stay connected, and a new army of educated, highly skilled women has reinvented—and reembraced—“stay at home.”
Today’s female “stay-at-homer” tends to be much more highly educated and work-credentialed, which opens up exciting possibilities, chief among them the opportunity to be her husband’s most important career partner, mentoring and advising him to reach a level of success he wouldn’t achieve otherwise.
The unexpected dividends? Here, journalist and researcher Megan Basham persuasively argues that those who choose home as “command central” can expect a stronger marriage, but also—eventually—a higher income. Ironically, passing up that second paycheck frees up time to guide your husband to the kinds of professional triumphs that are money multipliers, creating long-sought financial freedom for your family.
Far from being homemaking June Cleavers, the women Basham investigates are firebrands, with skills ranging from public relations and accounting to executive decision-making. Many have pedigreed educations. While they were in the working world, what these women longed for was not a life of lunching and spa days but, rather, time to reflect and the comfort of being part of a joint family mission. For these trust-their-gut women searching for intellectual satisfaction and serenity, the answer was to help their husbands achieve a professional dream.
To show how it is possible to “have it all,” Basham profiles a wide range of wives, not just those whose husbands (like former Time Warner CEO Dick Parsons and Amazon founder Jeff Bezos) have risen to national prominence, but those whose husbands have triumphed outside the limelight. Each of these women, it turns out, has led a richly satisfying life—partly achieved by assuring her husband’s success.
One of the most provocative and convincing books ever written on the topic of women and work—a manual that, with its precise tips, will speed women toward the balance they seek— Beside Every Successful Man doesn’t just tell women what to do, it shows them how in a way that is inspirational.
- GenresNonfiction
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
July 30, 2009
Even though I agree with the book's premise, it is executed poorly and fails to provide any helpful information. Most of it is just examples of how successful men have relied on their wives to help them further their careers, without any real translation as to how the reader can adapt that into their lives. As for the hints that it does lay out, frankly, if you don't have the common sense to know them already then you probably are lacking the skills to even be able to execute them.
July 22, 2022
I’ve felt sort of crazy for a while, thinking I was the only person who took notice of influential men and how their wives were so closely rooted in their success. This book basically sheds to light that, yes, a wife can have huge effects- good and bad- on how a man views himself, and how it can spill into his profession.
Gotta love Megan Basham!
Gotta love Megan Basham!
May 1, 2025
“Real love isn’t just gazing into each other’s eyes. It’s looking out together in the same direction.”- David McCullough
If I saw this book on the shelf, I probably wouldn’t pick it up. The cover isn’t very compelling and the phrase ‘A woman’s guide to having it all’ sounds artificially self-helpy and immediately turns me off. In short- it’s not really my type of book.
However, despite the ‘bleh’ marketing quips, I did find some very helpful insights in this book.
Megan Basham recently published the book Shepherds for Sale which looks at the ways progressive theology has infiltrated evangelical churches. That book has taken off a bit. In contrast, this book was written back in 2008 and is not from a religiously affiliated perspective. Megan Basham is a believer but has written Beside Every Successful Man as a religiously neutral book.
I would sum up the overall push of this book to be about how wives can come alongside their husbands to help them achieve their professional goals. It was largely inspired by a biography she read of John and Abigail Adams and how Abigail Adams was such an asset to John Adams and how their working relationship enhanced the intimacy of their marriage relationship at the same time.
Basham, using her journalistic skills and background, discovered that so many of the male success stories in the world include the female behind the scenes helping make it all possible. She shares many of these anecdotes throughout the book, as well as her own experience with her husband changing careers in his thirties to something he did not have the schooling for.
“Whatever else a wife chose to do, she could be a vital, interactive force in helping her husband realize his ambitions.”
Now the book intentionally says ‘beside’ instead of ‘behind’ because she believes that marriage is a team endeavor. She points out that this book is likely to ruffle some feathers because ‘progress’ says it’s somehow degrading to women to help men professionally.
Whether you believe that statement or not, this book is not about women as a whole elevating men as a whole. It’s about a wife who loves her husband and desires to help him succeed.
“It’s strange that we have come to a place in our society where a wife’s desire to support her husband’s career should raise anyone’s ire.”
Basham’s point is not about what a wife puts aside or ‘gives up’ to help her husband, but I do appreciate that she pushes back on the feminist battle cry because it tends to hurt marriages rather than help them. And Basham rightly asks of those who flinch at assisting their husband’s professional career— are you reacting to your husband and his personality and behavior toward you? Or are you reacting to an idea that has haunted the gender debate?
“Though the feminist movement was essential and positive in many respects, certain factions of it have led us to a place where women are encouraged to treat their husbands as rivals and their homes as battlegrounds over whether everyone is doing the same amount of the dishes and earning.”
So to properly gain from this book we must set aside any pride or cultural grooming that has put us at odds with the idea of a man in our lives being successful.
Besides, one of her main points is that this is a symbiotic relationship. If your husband finds professional success it benefits you, the wife, in many ways!
At the beginning of the book she shares a lot of statistics and studies that show that contrary to the loudest voices, most women don’t really want to climb the corporate ladder. Especially if they have families. They would rather work less to spend more time with their children.
[I’ll note here that yes, these statistics are old, but I’ve found similar things reported in books like Discrimination and Disparities and Confronting Injustice without Compromising Truth and Radical Womanhood]
“A 2007 Pew Research Center found only 21 percent of mothers say they prefer full-time jobs…”
“In 2005 a study conducted among female students at Yale University 60 percent said they planned to cut back their hours or stop working once they have children.”
“Why, when half of all MBAs are earned by women, are only 16 percent of corporate officers female?… maybe women aren’t getting there because they don’t want to.”
Basham shared that she found women weren’t begging to get into the workplace more; a great deal of women would love to cut down their hours. And some would be able to if their husbands made more money.
“Unfortunately only those women on the high and low ends of the economic scale typically feel able to opt out…because unskilled labor isn’t worth the cost of child care… or husbands’ incomes give them the flexibility to choose… what about the vast majority of working mothers who are simply logging hours at a job but would opt out in a heartbeat if they believed it was financially feasible…”
The approaches discussed in this book “enable a wife who wants to prioritize her time at home over her time at work to use all the wonderful talent, intelligence, and skill she possesses to help her husband get ahead.”
The chapters discuss things like how we can offer psychological support, help our husband identify strengths and how to apply them at work, motivate him to persevere in the face of obstacles, advise him on people and relational problems, and see how to make connections and network in ways that help our husband’s work.
I think one of the biggest takeaways of this book is a principle that transcends just a professional work environment.
Basham describes how males and females think differently and how they value different things. She doesn’t really say this, but it’s the age-old love and respect paradigm.
So much of our husbands’ identities are wrapped up in needing to be good providers and having wives that view them as such.
She contrasts a ‘nag’ with a ‘cheerleader’ and reminds us that our husbands already have a mom. They want someone who is on their team, cheering them on and believing that they can accomplish what they want to. If their own wife, someone who knows them the best, doesn’t believe they can do it, they probably can’t. It defeats them.
That goes for work-related things, but also things like addictions. A man is largely motivated or demotivated to work hard or go to battle against a bad habit based on their wife’s view of their ability to do it.
(And if this feels like putting up a false front or manipulation then you probably need to do some reflecting on your relationship with your husband.)
It’s about loving your husband and understanding that trying to motivate him with criticism or threats of what will happen if he fails are just not going to work, and it’s going to damage your marriage.
These were all very good reminders of how I can be a better encourager, verbalizing my husband’s strengths and his character and saying— it might not be easy, but because of who you are, you can do this and I’m here to support you along the way.
I know it makes a big difference because I’ve fallen into these harmful patterns in the past. A lot of this book confirms what I already unfortunately discovered on my own in regards to communicating with my husband about his work and his fears regarding work. There was a time when my husband felt like I didn’t believe in him and that I looked at him with resentment that he wasn’t doing enough. It didn’t motivate him to change, it made him feel defeated and depressed. It created detachment and isolation, not teamwork and intimacy.
Another thing that stuck out to me was the realization that sometimes we can hinder our husbands from pursuing careers that better fit their interests or strengths if we shroud them in our fear of the unknown.
“How many great careers or public contributions have been sidelined by a spouse unwilling to gamble a comfortable present on a promising future? How many wives shut the door on opportunity because it lacked a guaranteed outcome… if helping your husband become his professional best is the goal, some risk is likely to be involved… You may have very good reasons for deciding that a change in your husband’s job or location isn’t a good choice for your family right now, but make sure you are basing that decision on solid risk assessment and not just fear of the unknown.”
Career change for the sake of career change may not be wise, but if you help your husband identify his strengths and how he desires to use them, it may make the most sense to try a career change. And it may be uncertain. And it may require stepping down to a lower income. But often, those changes become stepping stones to something better, financially or emotionally.
If your husband is floundering, you may have to sacrifice some comfort and immediate security to help get him to place a thriving. Career paths aren’t necessarily linear; there are ups and downs and lateral moves on the road to success.
I liked how she pointed out that there are different visualization techniques. Most people employ an outcome-based visualization— visualize yourself winning or getting a high score. But that the more effective strategy is not to focus on the outcome but to employ a process-based visualization— visualize yourself completing the steps that it takes to reach the desired outcome like doing the workouts and studying the material. You’re more likely to then accomplish those steps which helps you attain the outcome you were wanting.
I’m not a huge proponent of manifestation, but I can see how process-based visualization does help motivation. I realized I do this when I don’t want to clean all the clutter in my house. The night before I picture the next day and what I’m going to do first and then next, etc. Then it’s not so hard to get going the next day. It doesn’t feel as overwhelming because I’ve visualized the plan. If I had just visualized a clean house, I would have been too demotivated when I woke up to the clutter I still had to deal with.
She also brings up a psychological principle that may or may not be familiar to you. I’ll just briefly mention it here but it’s an important way of looking at life and hard situations:
“One of the biggest differences psychologists have found between optimists and pessimists is that an optimist will usually explain a defeat in ways that are temporary, isolated, and impersonal. A pessimist, on the other hand, will blame setbacks on reasons that are permanent, pervasive, and personal.”
A pessimist will say that they failed that test because they are dumb— something that is personal to them that they can’t change. An optimist would say they failed the test because they didn’t study hard enough or they didn’t get enough sleep— things that are not permanent but can be changed.
This isn’t an excuse to always blame external things for all our failures, but it’s something to be cognizant of when we’re looking at failure and trying to figure out how to move forward from it.
I will say that much of this book focuses on financial success. Success can be measured in a lot of ways but money is probably the most tangible. As a follower of Christ I understand that life is not about making the most money. In fact, the pursuit of money often leads to a lot of negative and harmful things.
Reading this book requires discernment and knowing that my goal is not to make sure we achieve success by the world’s standards— a huge savings account. That may or may not be an outcome of my husband’s career.
For some reading this book, seeking a higher income means a wife/mom able to stay home with the kids which is a noble goal. For some, it is more about helping your husband feel motivated and passionate about his work. For others, it’s more about knowing how to team up with your husband instead of feeling in competition with one another.
What I feel I’ve gained from this book is not a path to wealth, but principles that will enhance our marriage as I seek to support my husband in finding meaningful and God-honoring work that is best for our family. Principles that help me respect and love my husband in ways that he highly values. It reminds me that even if I don’t fully understand my husband’s job, he wants to feel like we’re doing it together, that everything he does is for me and our family. So being involved, whether that’s psychological support, networking for him, being willing to try something new, or using my actual skills to help him with work-related communication or materials, is important.
One critique for the book: I noticed there are no footnotes or notes in the back of the book. She quotes a lot of statistics and stories and such and I was really surprised not to see her sources for any of the quotes and all that. As a journalist, I would have thought that to be second nature. I don’t think she is trying to be deceptive, most of what she brought up rang true, but I think it would have been better to at least have sources in the back of the book to support her material.
I haven’t read Shepherds for Sale yet but I’ve been told that this is definitely not a problem in that book and that there are tons of footnotes to corroborate material there.
Recommendation
If you want to know how you can better help your husband in the workplace or how to motivate him in his work, I think you’ll find some great insights in this book.
If you’re looking for a path to enhance your husband’s career in a way that allows you to stay home, you may find some inspiration and things to try.
It also reads pretty quick and does not require an intense amount of brain power to understand. The stories she includes provide real life examples and make the book go fast.
This book is not a get-rich-quick scheme. It’s also not a comprehensive marriage therapy book. You’re not going to find all of life’s answers for what success really means and what it looks like for your family.
But as a woman, you’ll be able to understand better where some of the work-related conflict in your relationship stems from and how to combat that to love your husbands better.
Book Review Blog | Facebook | Pinterest | StoryGraph
If I saw this book on the shelf, I probably wouldn’t pick it up. The cover isn’t very compelling and the phrase ‘A woman’s guide to having it all’ sounds artificially self-helpy and immediately turns me off. In short- it’s not really my type of book.
However, despite the ‘bleh’ marketing quips, I did find some very helpful insights in this book.
Megan Basham recently published the book Shepherds for Sale which looks at the ways progressive theology has infiltrated evangelical churches. That book has taken off a bit. In contrast, this book was written back in 2008 and is not from a religiously affiliated perspective. Megan Basham is a believer but has written Beside Every Successful Man as a religiously neutral book.
I would sum up the overall push of this book to be about how wives can come alongside their husbands to help them achieve their professional goals. It was largely inspired by a biography she read of John and Abigail Adams and how Abigail Adams was such an asset to John Adams and how their working relationship enhanced the intimacy of their marriage relationship at the same time.
Basham, using her journalistic skills and background, discovered that so many of the male success stories in the world include the female behind the scenes helping make it all possible. She shares many of these anecdotes throughout the book, as well as her own experience with her husband changing careers in his thirties to something he did not have the schooling for.
“Whatever else a wife chose to do, she could be a vital, interactive force in helping her husband realize his ambitions.”
Now the book intentionally says ‘beside’ instead of ‘behind’ because she believes that marriage is a team endeavor. She points out that this book is likely to ruffle some feathers because ‘progress’ says it’s somehow degrading to women to help men professionally.
Whether you believe that statement or not, this book is not about women as a whole elevating men as a whole. It’s about a wife who loves her husband and desires to help him succeed.
“It’s strange that we have come to a place in our society where a wife’s desire to support her husband’s career should raise anyone’s ire.”
Basham’s point is not about what a wife puts aside or ‘gives up’ to help her husband, but I do appreciate that she pushes back on the feminist battle cry because it tends to hurt marriages rather than help them. And Basham rightly asks of those who flinch at assisting their husband’s professional career— are you reacting to your husband and his personality and behavior toward you? Or are you reacting to an idea that has haunted the gender debate?
“Though the feminist movement was essential and positive in many respects, certain factions of it have led us to a place where women are encouraged to treat their husbands as rivals and their homes as battlegrounds over whether everyone is doing the same amount of the dishes and earning.”
So to properly gain from this book we must set aside any pride or cultural grooming that has put us at odds with the idea of a man in our lives being successful.
Besides, one of her main points is that this is a symbiotic relationship. If your husband finds professional success it benefits you, the wife, in many ways!
At the beginning of the book she shares a lot of statistics and studies that show that contrary to the loudest voices, most women don’t really want to climb the corporate ladder. Especially if they have families. They would rather work less to spend more time with their children.
[I’ll note here that yes, these statistics are old, but I’ve found similar things reported in books like Discrimination and Disparities and Confronting Injustice without Compromising Truth and Radical Womanhood]
“A 2007 Pew Research Center found only 21 percent of mothers say they prefer full-time jobs…”
“In 2005 a study conducted among female students at Yale University 60 percent said they planned to cut back their hours or stop working once they have children.”
“Why, when half of all MBAs are earned by women, are only 16 percent of corporate officers female?… maybe women aren’t getting there because they don’t want to.”
Basham shared that she found women weren’t begging to get into the workplace more; a great deal of women would love to cut down their hours. And some would be able to if their husbands made more money.
“Unfortunately only those women on the high and low ends of the economic scale typically feel able to opt out…because unskilled labor isn’t worth the cost of child care… or husbands’ incomes give them the flexibility to choose… what about the vast majority of working mothers who are simply logging hours at a job but would opt out in a heartbeat if they believed it was financially feasible…”
The approaches discussed in this book “enable a wife who wants to prioritize her time at home over her time at work to use all the wonderful talent, intelligence, and skill she possesses to help her husband get ahead.”
The chapters discuss things like how we can offer psychological support, help our husband identify strengths and how to apply them at work, motivate him to persevere in the face of obstacles, advise him on people and relational problems, and see how to make connections and network in ways that help our husband’s work.
I think one of the biggest takeaways of this book is a principle that transcends just a professional work environment.
Basham describes how males and females think differently and how they value different things. She doesn’t really say this, but it’s the age-old love and respect paradigm.
So much of our husbands’ identities are wrapped up in needing to be good providers and having wives that view them as such.
She contrasts a ‘nag’ with a ‘cheerleader’ and reminds us that our husbands already have a mom. They want someone who is on their team, cheering them on and believing that they can accomplish what they want to. If their own wife, someone who knows them the best, doesn’t believe they can do it, they probably can’t. It defeats them.
That goes for work-related things, but also things like addictions. A man is largely motivated or demotivated to work hard or go to battle against a bad habit based on their wife’s view of their ability to do it.
(And if this feels like putting up a false front or manipulation then you probably need to do some reflecting on your relationship with your husband.)
It’s about loving your husband and understanding that trying to motivate him with criticism or threats of what will happen if he fails are just not going to work, and it’s going to damage your marriage.
“By affirming his work as significant and his role as provider as important, you can motivate a man who is already doing well to achieve even more. And if he is floundering and doesn’t outwardly appear to be a good provider, your interaction with him can help him start to become one…”
“When a wife says and does things that show her husband she believes that he possesses his ideal qualities, he in turn lives up to her vision and moves closer to embodying them. In effect, her beliefs about him act as self-fulfilling prophecies. The bad news is that her unbelief is equally influential in moving him further away from his best self.”
“…we employ tactics that we think of as ‘reminding’ and ‘warning’ but that men invariably take as nagging… Nagging usually flows from a fearful suspicion that your husband isn’t going to live up to the expectations you have for your life together. (At least when it’s related to their careers)”
“If you talk to most husbands, it’s not their wives’ genuine desire to see them do well that they resent, it is when her questioning and criticizing imply that he isn’t up to the challenge… common ways a woman will try to motivate her husband actually feel like expressions of doubt to him. He then reads that doubt, however irrationally, as a sign of disrespect… it triggers all the insecurity that he has down deep in his heart…”
“The nag speaks from a place of fear or resentment, the cheerleader speaks from a place of unbreakable faith.”
These were all very good reminders of how I can be a better encourager, verbalizing my husband’s strengths and his character and saying— it might not be easy, but because of who you are, you can do this and I’m here to support you along the way.
I know it makes a big difference because I’ve fallen into these harmful patterns in the past. A lot of this book confirms what I already unfortunately discovered on my own in regards to communicating with my husband about his work and his fears regarding work. There was a time when my husband felt like I didn’t believe in him and that I looked at him with resentment that he wasn’t doing enough. It didn’t motivate him to change, it made him feel defeated and depressed. It created detachment and isolation, not teamwork and intimacy.
Another thing that stuck out to me was the realization that sometimes we can hinder our husbands from pursuing careers that better fit their interests or strengths if we shroud them in our fear of the unknown.
“How many great careers or public contributions have been sidelined by a spouse unwilling to gamble a comfortable present on a promising future? How many wives shut the door on opportunity because it lacked a guaranteed outcome… if helping your husband become his professional best is the goal, some risk is likely to be involved… You may have very good reasons for deciding that a change in your husband’s job or location isn’t a good choice for your family right now, but make sure you are basing that decision on solid risk assessment and not just fear of the unknown.”
Career change for the sake of career change may not be wise, but if you help your husband identify his strengths and how he desires to use them, it may make the most sense to try a career change. And it may be uncertain. And it may require stepping down to a lower income. But often, those changes become stepping stones to something better, financially or emotionally.
If your husband is floundering, you may have to sacrifice some comfort and immediate security to help get him to place a thriving. Career paths aren’t necessarily linear; there are ups and downs and lateral moves on the road to success.
I liked how she pointed out that there are different visualization techniques. Most people employ an outcome-based visualization— visualize yourself winning or getting a high score. But that the more effective strategy is not to focus on the outcome but to employ a process-based visualization— visualize yourself completing the steps that it takes to reach the desired outcome like doing the workouts and studying the material. You’re more likely to then accomplish those steps which helps you attain the outcome you were wanting.
I’m not a huge proponent of manifestation, but I can see how process-based visualization does help motivation. I realized I do this when I don’t want to clean all the clutter in my house. The night before I picture the next day and what I’m going to do first and then next, etc. Then it’s not so hard to get going the next day. It doesn’t feel as overwhelming because I’ve visualized the plan. If I had just visualized a clean house, I would have been too demotivated when I woke up to the clutter I still had to deal with.
She also brings up a psychological principle that may or may not be familiar to you. I’ll just briefly mention it here but it’s an important way of looking at life and hard situations:
“One of the biggest differences psychologists have found between optimists and pessimists is that an optimist will usually explain a defeat in ways that are temporary, isolated, and impersonal. A pessimist, on the other hand, will blame setbacks on reasons that are permanent, pervasive, and personal.”
A pessimist will say that they failed that test because they are dumb— something that is personal to them that they can’t change. An optimist would say they failed the test because they didn’t study hard enough or they didn’t get enough sleep— things that are not permanent but can be changed.
This isn’t an excuse to always blame external things for all our failures, but it’s something to be cognizant of when we’re looking at failure and trying to figure out how to move forward from it.
I will say that much of this book focuses on financial success. Success can be measured in a lot of ways but money is probably the most tangible. As a follower of Christ I understand that life is not about making the most money. In fact, the pursuit of money often leads to a lot of negative and harmful things.
Reading this book requires discernment and knowing that my goal is not to make sure we achieve success by the world’s standards— a huge savings account. That may or may not be an outcome of my husband’s career.
For some reading this book, seeking a higher income means a wife/mom able to stay home with the kids which is a noble goal. For some, it is more about helping your husband feel motivated and passionate about his work. For others, it’s more about knowing how to team up with your husband instead of feeling in competition with one another.
What I feel I’ve gained from this book is not a path to wealth, but principles that will enhance our marriage as I seek to support my husband in finding meaningful and God-honoring work that is best for our family. Principles that help me respect and love my husband in ways that he highly values. It reminds me that even if I don’t fully understand my husband’s job, he wants to feel like we’re doing it together, that everything he does is for me and our family. So being involved, whether that’s psychological support, networking for him, being willing to try something new, or using my actual skills to help him with work-related communication or materials, is important.
One critique for the book: I noticed there are no footnotes or notes in the back of the book. She quotes a lot of statistics and stories and such and I was really surprised not to see her sources for any of the quotes and all that. As a journalist, I would have thought that to be second nature. I don’t think she is trying to be deceptive, most of what she brought up rang true, but I think it would have been better to at least have sources in the back of the book to support her material.
I haven’t read Shepherds for Sale yet but I’ve been told that this is definitely not a problem in that book and that there are tons of footnotes to corroborate material there.
Recommendation
If you want to know how you can better help your husband in the workplace or how to motivate him in his work, I think you’ll find some great insights in this book.
If you’re looking for a path to enhance your husband’s career in a way that allows you to stay home, you may find some inspiration and things to try.
It also reads pretty quick and does not require an intense amount of brain power to understand. The stories she includes provide real life examples and make the book go fast.
This book is not a get-rich-quick scheme. It’s also not a comprehensive marriage therapy book. You’re not going to find all of life’s answers for what success really means and what it looks like for your family.
But as a woman, you’ll be able to understand better where some of the work-related conflict in your relationship stems from and how to combat that to love your husbands better.
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May 14, 2016
This is the book that you read when you want to ensure you make your husband the best man he can possibly be. This is the book you read when you truly love your husband, and want what's best for him. Truly. I enjoyed this book because it focused on being a stay at home woman, not just a mom, but a wife. While I am not in that position now, I have been and I have always tried to assist my husband as best I could from where I stood, using the experience I have and the talents I've acquired. This book talked about all the things that a wife does and has done for her husband. How many men in our world have become the great men they became because of the women they had by their side. I think this is a good book for wives whose husbands are in a corporate office in a higher up position, in politics, and in large businesses. This is where I think a woman can most benefit her husband but I do believe that you can benefit your husband simply by trying to assist him in every way possible and encourage him to do what he feels makes him his happiest, regardless of his position.
December 29, 2011
5 Stars--excellent book on strengthening marriages and earning potential. Here are some highlights
• Assuming that women are to be separate from their husbands is very limiting.
• Advice on how to be a vital, interactive force in helping your husband realize his ambitions: counsel, encouragement, advice, rally supporters, goal setting, strategizing. Do what he doesn't have time for.
• It will help you realize your ambitions on the home front as well which usually only women on the high end and low end of the economic scale feel able to do.
• It will magnify your talents when you combine them with your husband.
• Men frequently get to the top because their wives take on responsibility and perform tasks out of love that others would have gotten paid for
Sorry this is a bit cryptic. It was an eloquent, enjoyable read-nothing like my review
• Assuming that women are to be separate from their husbands is very limiting.
• Advice on how to be a vital, interactive force in helping your husband realize his ambitions: counsel, encouragement, advice, rally supporters, goal setting, strategizing. Do what he doesn't have time for.
• It will help you realize your ambitions on the home front as well which usually only women on the high end and low end of the economic scale feel able to do.
• It will magnify your talents when you combine them with your husband.
• Men frequently get to the top because their wives take on responsibility and perform tasks out of love that others would have gotten paid for
Sorry this is a bit cryptic. It was an eloquent, enjoyable read-nothing like my review
November 11, 2008
I really enjoyed reading this book, although toward the end it seemed to slow down a little. It's founded on the premise of the many men who've attributed successful lives and careers to their wives, and suggests it's not just lip-service. The author discusses and studies the effects women have on their husbands and suggests opportunities for improvement. It's nice to read something sometimes that validates my decision to stay home and raise my kids, while supporting my husband's career - and this book does it like no other I've read so far. It very much glorifies the decision while taking a modern perspective as opposed to the 1950's housewife image.
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November 11, 2024I was hesitant to read this book because I was afraid it would demean God’s view of marriage. I was pleasantly surprised that though it didn’t intentionally come at marriage from a biblical viewpoint, backed by scripture, the crux of her view was very much in line with scripture. She speaks primarily of the role of the wife as a helpmate, and how serving and caring for her husband is actually caring for herself as well. There is so much controversy over the Bible’s command for submission that we have completely distorted God’s heart in that command. The book ends with a very good description of marriage: “ I believe the other defining element(besides love), is partnership, the interdependence that occurs through recognizing and serving each other’s needs, aspirations, and desires. It’s what makes two people more than individuals who happen to share homes and bodies. It makes them a new, separate thing – a single unit.” I would reccommend this book with the above mindset in place.
June 24, 2024
This book reminded me a lot of the old book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” because it’s arguing for very traditional relationships with Judeo Christian values, but it not a Christian or Bible based book.
This books argues that married men with supportive wives are more successful, so women should find ways to be helpful. The author uses research and a ton of anecdotal evidence. I enjoyed the stories.
This books argues that married men with supportive wives are more successful, so women should find ways to be helpful. The author uses research and a ton of anecdotal evidence. I enjoyed the stories.
November 7, 2008
This book would be most helpful to a wife whose husband is currently struggling with his career and direction in life (I *highly* recommend reading this book if you're in that position). However, my husband is doing well in his career, and I was still able to learn from the book. Very encouraging and lots of good ideas!
This book really expressed the idea that a wife can make a huge difference in her husband's career. I especially enjoyed the examples of well-known and high-income/high-profile men and how much credit they give to their wives for helping them become successful. (for example, it was Alan Jackson's wife who got his demo tape into the right hands and that eventually led to him becoming a country music star!)
My only negative is that this book went on a little. It could have been a bit shorter and still gotten the excellent message through to the reader.
This book really expressed the idea that a wife can make a huge difference in her husband's career. I especially enjoyed the examples of well-known and high-income/high-profile men and how much credit they give to their wives for helping them become successful. (for example, it was Alan Jackson's wife who got his demo tape into the right hands and that eventually led to him becoming a country music star!)
My only negative is that this book went on a little. It could have been a bit shorter and still gotten the excellent message through to the reader.
February 9, 2009
I really liked this book and what it had to say. I am a big believer in the fact that you can be a lot more productive with a spouse who runs the home, and sometimes the other spouse! I guess most of this book just validates the way we are happy to run things around our house. There was one part that got a little slow, so I didn't give it 4 stars!
May 15, 2009
Interested in the intro and first chapter, not terribly compelled to read the rest of the book. But still interesting!
October 9, 2015
I thought the research she shows at the beginning of the book was very interesting. Some trends and thins I had sensed, but not seen data for. And some great ideas.
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