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Too Soon, Too Late
On a winter's night in July 2012, Kathy and Ralph Kelly received a phone call no parent should ever have to answer. It was the Emergency department of a Sydney hospital, telling them that their eldest son Thomas had been in an altercation and that they were to come at once. Thomas had been coward punched by a total stranger within two minutes of getting out of a taxi in Kings Cross, on his way to a private 18th birthday party of a friend. Two days after that first phone call Kathy and Ralph were told that their son had suffered catastrophic head injuries resulting in brain death. They were advised that there was no other option but to switch off his life support. He was 18 years old.
In the aftermath of their son's death, Kathy and Ralph became the public face of the campaign to end the drunken violence that plagued Sydney's major nightspots. Along with Premiers Barry O'Farrell and Mike Baird they helped institute the lock out laws that have been a major factor in the reduction of alcohol related deaths and injuries in Darling Harbour, Kings Cross and Sydney's CBD. They were also instrumental in creating Take Kare Safe Spaces ('Kare' with a 'K' after Thomas's initials) for young people in key nightspots, which has now registered over 52,000 interventions since December 2014, what the Kellys call 'sliding door moments', the difference between a young person's life continuing on as normal or degenerating into something terrible. And they were one of the driving forces behind the introduction of tougher sentencing for 'coward-punch' deaths.
But their campaigning created a huge toll on their family. Online intimidation, death threats and false news about the mishandling of donations came from those with a stake in the clubs and businesses who were the lock out laws financial losers. When Stuart Kelly, Thomas's younger brother, went for his first night at University of Sydney's St Paul's College, Ralph and Kathy believe the bullying he experienced because of the family's profile was so traumatising he left university for good the next day, and wouldn't tell his parents exactly what he'd been made to endure. Five months later, on July 25th 2016, Stuart took his own life.
This book is the Kellys' story. How they coped with one unimaginable tragedy, only to find that it had sowed the seed for another. How in the face of these terrible losses they have found the spirit and the drive to campaign first for a safer environment for all our children, and for a greater understanding of young people's self-harm and its drivers.
In the aftermath of their son's death, Kathy and Ralph became the public face of the campaign to end the drunken violence that plagued Sydney's major nightspots. Along with Premiers Barry O'Farrell and Mike Baird they helped institute the lock out laws that have been a major factor in the reduction of alcohol related deaths and injuries in Darling Harbour, Kings Cross and Sydney's CBD. They were also instrumental in creating Take Kare Safe Spaces ('Kare' with a 'K' after Thomas's initials) for young people in key nightspots, which has now registered over 52,000 interventions since December 2014, what the Kellys call 'sliding door moments', the difference between a young person's life continuing on as normal or degenerating into something terrible. And they were one of the driving forces behind the introduction of tougher sentencing for 'coward-punch' deaths.
But their campaigning created a huge toll on their family. Online intimidation, death threats and false news about the mishandling of donations came from those with a stake in the clubs and businesses who were the lock out laws financial losers. When Stuart Kelly, Thomas's younger brother, went for his first night at University of Sydney's St Paul's College, Ralph and Kathy believe the bullying he experienced because of the family's profile was so traumatising he left university for good the next day, and wouldn't tell his parents exactly what he'd been made to endure. Five months later, on July 25th 2016, Stuart took his own life.
This book is the Kellys' story. How they coped with one unimaginable tragedy, only to find that it had sowed the seed for another. How in the face of these terrible losses they have found the spirit and the drive to campaign first for a safer environment for all our children, and for a greater understanding of young people's self-harm and its drivers.
- GenresNonfiction
336 pages, Paperback
Published May 6, 2019
10 people are currently reading
53 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
June 30, 2019
This book absolutely had me in tears, but I felt like it was story more than ready to be told. Of course I had heard parts of it from various media sources over the years, but this comes directly from the family and what they experienced losing Thomas and Stuart. It was heartbreaking from start to finish!
It is told in a strong, personal way. You also get a background on both Ralph and Kathy, which adds a real human element to their story. Their lives and experiences shaped the way they raised their kids, and what they wanted for them. For example, Ralph was told at a young age by his father that he was too old for a kiss at bedtime, and it made him always tell his kids that he loved them at the end of a conversation.
A really good book that definitely needs to be out there. Five stars.
It is told in a strong, personal way. You also get a background on both Ralph and Kathy, which adds a real human element to their story. Their lives and experiences shaped the way they raised their kids, and what they wanted for them. For example, Ralph was told at a young age by his father that he was too old for a kiss at bedtime, and it made him always tell his kids that he loved them at the end of a conversation.
A really good book that definitely needs to be out there. Five stars.
June 7, 2019
Where do I begin? This book is such a necessary read.
I cried for the first twenty odd pages leading up to the loss of Thomas Kelly, then angered to the core by legal absurdities and an injustice system that was unjustly cruel to the Thomas family and protective of the perpetrator.
The middle of the book came as a welcome relief from the emotion; the backstories of Kathy and Ralph Kelly, and the events that led each to the other and the making of their family.
Then heartbreak again, for the loss of Stuart Kelly, and then more anger at internet trolls, St Pauls, the secrecy, and the bullying and drinking culture in our society. "A child lost, not just one but two." (p246).
I kept asking myself. How? How does one keep going? And that is best answered by the Kelly's, "Our struggles are a long way from over. We all have that resilience in us - some are just luckier in life by never having to reach for it." (p303).
My whole self and body was a physical, emotional mess at the book's end: tears for the loss of those beautiful young men and their futures, for the family's loss, and for a mother's loss.
The power of kindness, a kind gesture, a kind word. This book is thoughtful in its words and powerful in its message. Thank you Ralph and Kathy Kelly for sharing your tragedies and trauma, for sharing your family, and the lovely family photos. I wish every success, and a future of happiness, for Madeleine. May the Stay Kind Foundation continue with the necessary work, keeping safe our young sons and daughters.
"Mothers are only ever as happy as their unhappiest child." (p313)
To Kathy and Ralph,
A quote.
"You cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards."
- Steve Jobs
I cried for the first twenty odd pages leading up to the loss of Thomas Kelly, then angered to the core by legal absurdities and an injustice system that was unjustly cruel to the Thomas family and protective of the perpetrator.
The middle of the book came as a welcome relief from the emotion; the backstories of Kathy and Ralph Kelly, and the events that led each to the other and the making of their family.
Then heartbreak again, for the loss of Stuart Kelly, and then more anger at internet trolls, St Pauls, the secrecy, and the bullying and drinking culture in our society. "A child lost, not just one but two." (p246).
I kept asking myself. How? How does one keep going? And that is best answered by the Kelly's, "Our struggles are a long way from over. We all have that resilience in us - some are just luckier in life by never having to reach for it." (p303).
My whole self and body was a physical, emotional mess at the book's end: tears for the loss of those beautiful young men and their futures, for the family's loss, and for a mother's loss.
The power of kindness, a kind gesture, a kind word. This book is thoughtful in its words and powerful in its message. Thank you Ralph and Kathy Kelly for sharing your tragedies and trauma, for sharing your family, and the lovely family photos. I wish every success, and a future of happiness, for Madeleine. May the Stay Kind Foundation continue with the necessary work, keeping safe our young sons and daughters.
"Mothers are only ever as happy as their unhappiest child." (p313)
To Kathy and Ralph,
A quote.
"You cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards."
- Steve Jobs
September 2, 2023
Ralph and Kathy Kelly had made their home in Burradoo, located in the Southern Highlands, New South Wales, Australia. They had been successful in life and lived comfortably. They were blessed with three children, Thomas, Madeleine, and Stuart. Their lives took a tragic turn in July 2012 when Thomas was the victim of an unprovoked ‘coward punch’ in Kings Cross, Sydney. Thomas died as a result of this attack. He was just 18 years old.
To read this family’s account of the events that transpired following the devastating loss of their son is very moving and certainly brought a tear to the eye.
The reality and consequences are well-portrayed, even giving some candid transparency into the bereaved parents’ personal experience with the organ donation process. Ralph and Kathy’s experience with the social worker certainly sounded confronting and quite unempathetic, although I do wonder if it was an isolated case with this social worker’s pragmatic and impersonal manner and does not necessarily mean they are all like this. It is of course a time-critical process. My concern here is that reading about their experience could deter other potential organ donors. Even though Thomas’s heart could not be used, his other organs were to save the lives of twelve people.
I was ignorant to the fact that a bullying culture is rife in our most prestigious private schools. Hazing, assault and humiliation behaviours on selected freshmen appear to be the norm, often leaving the victims mentally scarred for life. One such case was the Kelly’s third child, Stuart. Whatever occurred on Orientation Night, 22 February 2016 at St Paul’s College, Sydney University, had a devastating effect on Stuart Kelly. He made the decision not to return to the College and took his own life five months later on 25 July 2016. Stuart, like his brother, just 18 years old.
I have enormous empathy for the Kelly’s, losing two children in such appalling circumstances. Certainly they are not alone.
As a result of heavy campaigning for safer Sydney streets the lockout laws in Kings Cross were born, introduced by the Government of New South Wales in February 2014. The legislation required 1.30am lockouts and 3am last drinks at bars, pubs and clubs in the Sydney CBD entertainment precinct and were in place until January 2020. The Kelly’s were also instrumental in the Take Kare Safe Spaces, a program which provides assistance to young people at night in Sydney CBD, Kings Cross and Darling Harbour. It is in operation Friday and Saturday nights between 10pm and 4am all year round. Recent funding cuts have forced the closure of the Darling Harbour Site and restricted operation of the Kings Cross Safe Space to Saturday nights.
Ralph and Kathy Kelly had lost their two sons, and yet, to add to their anguish and sorrow, they were also the victims of nasty online trolls. An ugly side to human nature where people hide behind their computer screens to vent a diatribe on their victims.
“Be Kind” are two words, easy enough to say, you can start with teaching kindness in the home, but outside the home – our schools, our universities, our streets - where is the kindness in bullying, humiliation, malicious assaults, murder/manslaughter and trolling?
• More than 170 Australians, mostly young men, have been killed by a coward punch since 2000, with countless other victims left injured or traumatised and families left devastated as a result of these cowardly assaults. The perpetrators were often under the influence of alcohol.
• Eight Australians take their own lives every day. That is one every three hours.
I thank Ralph and Kathy Kelly for sharing details of their grief and profound losses, for highlighting the inadequacies of sentencing in our judicial system, and through their campaigning and dedication, for the positives that came out of it all, from people who just want to keep our children safe.
To read this family’s account of the events that transpired following the devastating loss of their son is very moving and certainly brought a tear to the eye.
The reality and consequences are well-portrayed, even giving some candid transparency into the bereaved parents’ personal experience with the organ donation process. Ralph and Kathy’s experience with the social worker certainly sounded confronting and quite unempathetic, although I do wonder if it was an isolated case with this social worker’s pragmatic and impersonal manner and does not necessarily mean they are all like this. It is of course a time-critical process. My concern here is that reading about their experience could deter other potential organ donors. Even though Thomas’s heart could not be used, his other organs were to save the lives of twelve people.
I was ignorant to the fact that a bullying culture is rife in our most prestigious private schools. Hazing, assault and humiliation behaviours on selected freshmen appear to be the norm, often leaving the victims mentally scarred for life. One such case was the Kelly’s third child, Stuart. Whatever occurred on Orientation Night, 22 February 2016 at St Paul’s College, Sydney University, had a devastating effect on Stuart Kelly. He made the decision not to return to the College and took his own life five months later on 25 July 2016. Stuart, like his brother, just 18 years old.
I have enormous empathy for the Kelly’s, losing two children in such appalling circumstances. Certainly they are not alone.
As a result of heavy campaigning for safer Sydney streets the lockout laws in Kings Cross were born, introduced by the Government of New South Wales in February 2014. The legislation required 1.30am lockouts and 3am last drinks at bars, pubs and clubs in the Sydney CBD entertainment precinct and were in place until January 2020. The Kelly’s were also instrumental in the Take Kare Safe Spaces, a program which provides assistance to young people at night in Sydney CBD, Kings Cross and Darling Harbour. It is in operation Friday and Saturday nights between 10pm and 4am all year round. Recent funding cuts have forced the closure of the Darling Harbour Site and restricted operation of the Kings Cross Safe Space to Saturday nights.
Ralph and Kathy Kelly had lost their two sons, and yet, to add to their anguish and sorrow, they were also the victims of nasty online trolls. An ugly side to human nature where people hide behind their computer screens to vent a diatribe on their victims.
“Be Kind” are two words, easy enough to say, you can start with teaching kindness in the home, but outside the home – our schools, our universities, our streets - where is the kindness in bullying, humiliation, malicious assaults, murder/manslaughter and trolling?
• More than 170 Australians, mostly young men, have been killed by a coward punch since 2000, with countless other victims left injured or traumatised and families left devastated as a result of these cowardly assaults. The perpetrators were often under the influence of alcohol.
• Eight Australians take their own lives every day. That is one every three hours.
I thank Ralph and Kathy Kelly for sharing details of their grief and profound losses, for highlighting the inadequacies of sentencing in our judicial system, and through their campaigning and dedication, for the positives that came out of it all, from people who just want to keep our children safe.
August 25, 2019
emotional, cathartic, brave, determined, resilient, compassionate, loyal, loving, inspiring, what an amazing family.
August 12, 2019
Bit hard to review a book with content like this. My heart breaks for Ralph and Kathy Kelly for all they have had to go thur. I am pleased for them they had the resources to make change for both Thomas and Stuart.
On a winter's night in July 2012, Kathy and Ralph Kelly received a phone call no parent should ever have to answer. It was the Emergency department of a Sydney hospital, telling them that their eldest son Thomas had been in an altercation and that they were to come at once.
Thomas had been coward punched by a total stranger within two minutes of getting out of a taxi in Kings Cross, on his way to a private 18th birthday party of a friend. Two days after that first phone call Kathy and Ralph were told that their son had suffered catastrophic head injuries resulting in brain death. They were advised that there was no other option but to switch off his life support. He was 18 years old.
In the aftermath of their son's death, Kathy and Ralph became the public face of the campaign to end the drunken violence that plagued Sydney's major nightspots. Along with Premiers Barry O'Farrell and Mike Baird they helped institute the lock out laws that have been a major factor in the reduction of alcohol related deaths and injuries in Darling Harbour, Kings Cross and Sydney's CBD.
On a winter's night in July 2012, Kathy and Ralph Kelly received a phone call no parent should ever have to answer. It was the Emergency department of a Sydney hospital, telling them that their eldest son Thomas had been in an altercation and that they were to come at once.
Thomas had been coward punched by a total stranger within two minutes of getting out of a taxi in Kings Cross, on his way to a private 18th birthday party of a friend. Two days after that first phone call Kathy and Ralph were told that their son had suffered catastrophic head injuries resulting in brain death. They were advised that there was no other option but to switch off his life support. He was 18 years old.
In the aftermath of their son's death, Kathy and Ralph became the public face of the campaign to end the drunken violence that plagued Sydney's major nightspots. Along with Premiers Barry O'Farrell and Mike Baird they helped institute the lock out laws that have been a major factor in the reduction of alcohol related deaths and injuries in Darling Harbour, Kings Cross and Sydney's CBD.
June 13, 2019
I was concerned that this might be a gruelling book to read. It was, in parts but it is also uplifting to read how a family have coped with one of the worst things imaginable- the loss of two children. Kathy and Ralph Kelly have told their story honestly and with integrity, making it clear that this is how they get through without suggesting that this is how everyone should do it. They clearly do not want to be seen as “heroes” and one can only feel desperately sad that these ordinary people have found themselves in such an extraordinary position.
Anyone thinking of watering down the Lockout laws should read this book.
I applaud their bravery, am dismayed at the way they have been treated by the legal system and appalled at the vitriol leveled against them on social media.
The book itself is well written and readable. I did find the swapping of pronouns tricky but realised that this was a necessary device as the book was written by two people.
Anyone thinking of watering down the Lockout laws should read this book.
I applaud their bravery, am dismayed at the way they have been treated by the legal system and appalled at the vitriol leveled against them on social media.
The book itself is well written and readable. I did find the swapping of pronouns tricky but realised that this was a necessary device as the book was written by two people.
June 11, 2019
A truly heartbreaking insight into family tragedy, but also how you can make light of horrible situations. It is also a great lesson in how our actions can cause an immense effect on those around us, that we do not know what another is struggling through.
A story that must have hurt to tell, but I'm sure good will come out of the message conveyed.
A story that must have hurt to tell, but I'm sure good will come out of the message conveyed.
August 26, 2019
Although I've read so many good reviews on this book, I was really disappointed. I found it hard to gauge who the narrator was. It didn't grab my attention like I thought it would. I have read a lot of news in the media about this case & it is an exceptionally sad story. But I just couldn't get on board with this book.
August 16, 2020
It is so hard to comprehend what this family have had to endure. As a parent, I couldn’t imagine losing a child but to lose two would be crippling. My heart goes out to them. I think it’s amazing that they fought so hard and set up some amazing initiatives after such devastating loss.
October 1, 2019
A brilliant read 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ stars
Everyone needs to read this book
It's a extreme eye opener to the justice system and suicide....
I loved it, couldn't put it down ......
Everyone needs to read this book
It's a extreme eye opener to the justice system and suicide....
I loved it, couldn't put it down ......
June 19, 2020
It takes a lot to make me cry, but by page 23 tears were rolling down my cheeks. Incredibly sad, but beautifully written.
August 23, 2025
A three star rating, but the rating is unimportant when it comes to the Kelly family and the suffering they have had to endure.
A sad read.
But an important read none the less.
A sad read.
But an important read none the less.
May 24, 2019
A beautiful, devastating and inspiring book. If only there were more people in the world like the Kelly family.
June 9, 2019
The unpleasant story of busybodies and how they started a crusade instead of doing therapy. The shoot to fame and relevance of the irrelevant middle class nobodies.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews