How to Grow Old

by John Bishop

Whether he likes it or not, John is getting older. His hair is greying, it’s getting that much harder to stay fit, and the potential to become something of an embarrassment is ever increasing. But hope is not lost. How to Grow Old is John’s offering to the world. With sage advice on how to avoid the common pitfalls of age, intimate confessions and spit-your-dentures-out hilarious commentary on his own advancing years, this is his observational comic writing at its very best. If you were concerned about how not to be boring or how to get rid of your should-be-old-enough-to-manage kids, this the book has the answers.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Autobiography, Biography, Humor, Biography Memoir, Comedy

320 pages, Paperback

Published February 1, 2020

About the author

There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads catalog. This entry is for John ^ Bishop.

Reviews

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

funny book looking at growing old and moaning and his experiences of getting older

[Bon Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've come to surprising realization. You don't have to completely, or even at all, resonate with man telling the jokes to find them completely hilarious.

And when the "jokes" are real life stories, for some deep psychological reason, the urge to laugh becomes irresistible.

I always thought you should recognize yourself somehow in a joke to find it funny. Find some common ground on which, suddenly, all your troubles don't look so serious any more. Therefore, sudden relief, and laughter.

Me and this guy don't seem to have much in common, except that we both love U2. I imagined myself in his skin when he was driven under protection with entire entourage, having exactly the same thoughts he had, and found myself in rare case of envy. The closer I got was appearing in their Round Room before the show once, hoping to make acquaintance, but no dice.

Other than that, most of middle age stereotypes don't seem to apply to me. The most common one, I guess, that of "slowing metabolism", is nothing but letting yourself go. Thanks to last 25 years of my life spent in dungeons hitting weights, I know that for a fact. Because from the neck down, my body can still fool the observer it belongs to a 20 year old.

Or is fooling oneself with make believe just the part of my particular brand of middle age crisis? Dammit!

Some others, especially those about hair changing places from where it's needed to where it's not, still hold.

I also choose clothes accordingly and don't give a damn about so called age appropriate clothing. My super cool jeans I bought 20 years ago are still perfectly fine and suit me better than ever, thank you very much.

Still, I found myself screaming from laughter at some real life anecdotes he shared. Especially he's take on his son's Scooby Doo voice when he tried to claim his shoes. It was priceless. Or that dream vacation that was everything but.

Think I'm going to use that little story as a talking point, without any claim of ownership, of course. It's a solid argument when trying to talk people out of spending their hard earned money and time they'll never get back on some vacation, that is more likely to exhaust you more.

By "some people" I mean my wife, of course. Not sure she's buying the illusion of my 20 yo body either.

Oh well. That's why we, middle age men, need to keep together. And that's why there are books like this.

[Helen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not quite sure why I decided to read this book.

I'm not really sure what John Bishop was aiming at when he decided to write it.

He comes across as incredibly vain but tempers it by writing about his family with deep affection
and it is very obvious he is devoted to them.

But there is a darkness there and I found a lot of it quite depressing and of course realised why as I came to the end chapter.

It's not a book I would ever re-read or recommend to anyone.

[Josh · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was the first dud of the year for me. I didn't find it funny or interesting. I guess there was a reason why I had never heard of the author before this book.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Audiobook) A very funny and unexpectedly honest and emotional book. Really enjoyed listening to John Bishop as he mused about growing older and living life doing what you enjoy.

[David Margetts · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not a book I would have ever purchased or wanted to read, but as with most 'celebrity' books (75%), it was a Xmas gift. Another fact is that 75% are never read and Bishop by his own admission often doesn't read past 10 pages. Well, I read this one, and it is fair to say that it started well with wit and humour , but then after the first 20%, it declined rather rapidly into drivel and known facts and much less humour, descending into a 'Scouser' homage to everything 'Liverpool', which of course includes their 'incredible' football team!. This book lacks depth, is only slightly funny, and is above all quite an egotistical 'autobiography' of how Bishop is so 'successful' and 'entitled' now that he is a VVVIP 'mega-star'! Disappointing to say the least, and clearly a 'cheap attempt' to 'make more money' from a small niche group of moaning white middle aged sad old men. It would have been so much better if he had stuck to the 'gags' and made this a thoroughly humorous book on old age, but then again, this has been done so many times before with much more aplomb by others, and at just 50, Bishop barely seems qualified to be an expert! I read it John (unfortunately) but couldn't possible recommend it to others - sorry mate!

[Dani · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book in a charity shop and picked it up because John Bishop is in the new series of Doctor who: Flux, playing Dan Lewis and as a massive Whovian it only seemed right to pick it up.

However, this book doesn't need to exist.
Yep.
Thats it.

Did we really need another book written by a heterosexual, white, middle aged man. All John Bishop did was complain about the smallest things like what clothes he had to wear and that a few holidays abroad went wrong. I just didn't really care to be honest, I think there are loads of other peoples voices that need to be heard and I just don't know what possessed Bishop to write or publish this. Its not even an autobiography. I felt like half the book was just information he found online (He even says so himself) and I could have just looked them up on the internet myself.
I didn't find this book funny (Even though he is supposed to be a comedian) and he kept writing "Did you see what i did there" after a joke, and that makes it NOT FUNNY.

I didn't find this book boring, apart from half a chapter about football which I skipped, but it wasn't boring somehow I just thing this book doesn't need to exist and this book is now going straight to the telephone box library as I don't want it anymore

[Thomas · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is full of cliches about ageing, banal stories based upon privilege, and derogatory comments about weight. This book is neither funny nor educational and there were a number of comments within these pages that I found offensive.

[Don Jimmy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The blurb for this book itself shatters the title of this book. It’s right there in big print. Just don’t die. That’s how you grow old. So no, this is not instructions on how to get old. What it becomes over the course of the book is a story with how to deal with getting old. John is 52 at the time of writing and although it didn’t start out being that way, the book becomes a bit of a cathartic process for him to deal with getting older, and admitting that, he may not be able to do all the things he once did. The book takes a look at the process’s men go through as they are getting older. John freely admits that this book is not for everybody, in fact, it is probably only for one limited audience. Middle aged white men, like him. While I am not middle aged (or am I, I hope not) I am certainly in the privileged demographic of white man, so I definitely associated with some of the content here, and can only imagine that some of the rest is coming in the future (which is closer than I would like to admit, and coming faster every year).

So, is the book for you? Well… it certainly has its moments where I was laughing out loud, other sections of the book didn’t have me laughing at all – but not because the jokes weren’t landing. It was because John had opened up, and was detailing some of the more serious aspects of his life.

This book starts off with what seems like an intention for John to talk to others in the industry about getting older and how they can continue but rapidly turns into an updated autobiography. The stories that focus on John increase as the book goes on, to it’s benefit. I think that he has done a great job putting them together.

John is quite frank about the events in his past, and when it comes down to it, this is a book about family and togetherness. The stories John tells about his family and especially his father had me welling up at times. He speaks about how something as simple as football is so important to the family and how it keeps them together.

It is a bit strange to have listened to this directly after the Peter Crouch book I, Robot – which had me laughing almost all the way through. The book by a comedian, where he speaks about football quite a bit, had me on the brink of tears. Such is life, I guess.

So, while the target audience for this book may be middle aged white men who like to complain (the subtitle for this book is actually A Middle Aged Man Moaning) I think the book can be enjoyed by anyone who wants to read or listen to a good story of family, and acceptance that we won’t always be able to do what we can do today. One day we won’t be able to play with our kids, or kick football with the lads. So, we should do it while we can.

It might just be the lockdown, and not being able to do what we otherwise would, but I loved this book. I highly recommend you give it a go.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy seeing John Bishop perform as a comedian, as he is less of a joke teller, but keeps us amused with lots of stories about his family and his marriage. This book is much of the same, but now as he has become a middle aged man, he finds humor in how his body is changing, how not to dress as an old man, and taking city break holidays with his wife. As they have become empty nesters this also provides a few more tales to tell.

Being in the same age range, I can sympathize with many of the issues he raises - a body that now gets sore just sleeping, and trying to keep the weight off. I don't want to wear what 20 year olds wear, but I'm not ready for the elastic slacks and slippers yet. Reading this book, felt like John Bishop was sitting next to me reading it, which made it a quick and easy read.

[°°°jouli°°° · Rating 3 out of 5]

His accent is so so English...
This book is kind of the talking you’re doing with a friend... Where you talk about one subject to make your way to another one... just about ordinary life subjects!! But sometimes it feels like he’s apologizing for being a white heterosexual man!!
Talking about family and marriage was the best part...
It’s a good way to do his laundry... I like to do something like that... We don't share the same sense of humor, but I get the chance to enhance my listening skills...
I would like to give it 3 stars out of 5.

[Simon Parker · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a middle aged man myself I found myself either agreeing with John’s moaning’s or moaning in satisfying disagreement. There’s a lot to take from reading this book and so long as you take it all as one persons perspective you’ll enjoy it as a book. The middle section goes on a little but given that the start and end sections are good and easy to get along with. It’s definitely worth picking up.

[Ana Moreno Amaya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed and I cried. Really enjoyed it

[Moira Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the story of my life....

Being in my 50’s with two sons around the same age as John’s and from the north west I can relate to just about everything he says. It was at times hilarious, gently humorous, thought provoking and sad, every element that makes up most of out lives. Don’t expect to be roaring with laughter from start to finish, rather expect to see your own life reflected. Thanks John, it’s always good to know you’re not alone

[Niamh Ellison · Rating 1 out of 5]

I want to preface this by saying I really enjoy John Bishop's comedy on TV and also his acting. But this book was so..meh.

Firstly, despite having a chapter where about how he is not fatphobic, there is a continuous theme of it in this book. The book is sort of an autobiography but also lots of facts and statistics pulled from the Internet.

The book is not boring, and is mercifully short but it's not even remotely funny and just seems a bit confused.

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good

This is not as funny as his first book, but was good in it’s own right. I did find the over use of football examples, to be tiresome, but I admit I’m not a footie fan. The last chapter was excellent.

[Rose Adcroft · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not funny, badly written. Pointless book , the only objective of this book is to make money for the author.
Waste of my time.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a huge fan, but struggled with this one to be honest. I ended up listening to the audio version, read by John Bishop, which was better.

[Helen Tesla · Rating 2 out of 5]

I managed one hour of the audio book before having to switch it off.

[Laura McToal · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have this as an audiobook and listened to it in my car on the way to and from work. This was difficult because John Bishop is so funny, but it was nice to start and end the day with laughter.

The fact that this book is narrated by John Bishop does bring more to it as an audiobook. The lines are delivered just as I imagine he would have heard them in his head while writing them.

If you are considering reading this book or listening to the audiobook as I did, I would like to point out that there are trigger warnings for depression and suicide. While the majority of this book is funny, there is a part that covers depression and the work the Samaritan’s do that just made my heart ache so much. I can’t even begin to understand the level of strength it must take them to do the job they do; I know it’s not something I am capable of.

John Bishop talks about his family and tells stories about their life in a way that is absolute #LifeGoals as it is clear that he is utterly devoted to each and every member. I would have preferred more of these stories and anecdotes of older members of his family and friends rather than some of the facts that anyone can go and look up on Google. The USP here that makes people interested in the book is John Bishop and so more of that and less regurgitated facts would definitely be preferable.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an absolutely brilliant listen!

'Bish', as his friends affectionately call him, is an amazing narrator of his own story - I cannot imagine anyone else being able to do it in his place to be honest! He makes the words come alive and adds that extra element of entertainment.

The book itself is an eye opener of an introduction to anyone who doesn't know John Bishop and his background. His own telling of the beginning of his stand up comic career is brilliant and he tells it with the brutal honesty of a man who truly doesn't realise his own worth - there is no arrogance in his attitude to his success in any of his words. This also goes for his telling of the growth of his family and life with many hilarious anecdotes recounted throughout.

I really DO recommend this listen to anyone who enjoys a good laugh and likes to give a greater depth to their knowledge of another person.

[Sarah O'Riordan | travelseatsreads · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, I LOVE John Bishop as a comedian and have seen him a few times in Dublin. You're guaranteed to come out from his shows aching from belly laughs. For me though, this book just didn't hit the spot. Obviously, I am not the target market, I'm not a middle aged-man growing old however a few sections of the book left me with a not so pleasant after taste. There were sections which were genuinely funny but I really got the vibe that this middle-aged man is getting a little bitter in his old age.

There are some redeeming sections where John speaks openly and honestly about his experience of depression and dynamics within his family and those are the ones which kept it as a 3 star for me.

I listened to the audiobook which John read himself and can recommend it as his at times snarky nature certainly comes through full force.

[Rory Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was bought this book and didn’t quite know what to expect from it. It’s semi-autobiographical with facts, advice and anecdotes as well. I feel the reviews let it down; any book written by a comedian can be labelled ‘so funny’ or ‘a funny read’, yet this wasn’t Bishop’s outlook. There are some great, genuine moments where a man in his fifties looks back over the decades he has spent with friends and how they’ve lasted so long; moments where he looks back over the failures and successes that have occurred as a father; some harrowing moments where his life has flashed before his eyes leading to monumental career changes. Don’t see this as another book by a comedian, but a relatable book by an honest man in a mid-life crisis.

[Julie Freemantle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was OK, but not quite what I expected.

I like John Bishop's style of comedy, so when I saw an audiobook that had been written and was read by him I thought, that should be a good book to dip in and out of for a bit of light entertainment.

Indeed, it started off that way too, with quite a bit of humour .... however, it then turned rather dour and did become like a "middle-aged man moaning". The audiobook hadn't shown that this was the part of the title!

Towards the end it started to lighten up a little bit and the concluding chapter showed that John had also started out writing the book thinking that it would be a light-hearted look at growing old ... but that it hadn't quite ended-up being what he had originally envisaged.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ll admit this isn’t a book I would have normally chosen to read. Bishop comments in the final chapter that 75 per cent of the people who buy celebrity books buy them as gifts for other people, and that was definitely the case here. Having said that, it was a fairly enjoyable read. Like Bishop’s stand-up comedy, the book is easy-going, middle-of-the-road stuff with some unexpectedly touching moments when Bishop is talking about his family. I got the impression that Bishop’s more provocative opinions have been reined in a bit during the edit, with numerous footnotes disclaiming how he’s not being offensive because he’s actually talking about himself (or words to that effect). But there’s nothing here that’s going to shock anyone. An easy but unchallenging read.

[Francisco Machado · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5. As a moaning middle aged man I enjoyed reading John’s book. There were some genuine laugh out out moments but may not as many as I had hoped for. Ageing is inevitable but there is a lot we can do to come to terms with the fact that we are no longer in our prime.

The last chapter in which he interviews Nicholas Parsons provides hope to all those “feeling their age” in their 50’s. Find that spark that makes your heart beat faster and run with it for as long as you can and you will never feel old.

[Ben G · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm of a similar demographic to the author and this was bought as a gift by my wife. When you find yourself nodding sagely and agreeing with much of JB has to say about the world, you too know that you are in grumpy old man territory.

However, I especially liked the epilogue here, where JB has a conversation with Nicholas Parsons and asks him his secret for ageing well. Spoiler alert, 'keep doing what you love' and I guess if you've never done what you love, now is the time to start doing it!

[Undomiel Books · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a huge fan of John Bishop, I really wanted to read this book when it saw it in the Kindle monthly deals. For the most part I enjoyed it, and the voice is very clearly John's. However, there were also a lot of parts that just weren't for me. They weren't bad, per say, but for example, John talks a lot about Liverpool FC and as someone who doesn't really care about football, these parts were lost on me. I enjoyed this as just a quick read but it definitely wasn't as funny or engaging as John's actual standup work.

[Mark Andrew Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy reading from a comedy great

Having been to a couple of his shows, and really enjoyed them and the early league of their own when he was in the regular cast, enjoyed this look at many aspects to growing older, with several making me laugh out loud as they are very relatable. And interesting to read at the end about him having an issue with his mental health at the end of his last tour, just highlights how all the money in the 🌎 doesn't make you immune to struggles with your mind! If you like his comedy, you'll like the book 👍

[Bernadette Hehir · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book for my other half for Christmas. He finally started reading it and said it was funny so after I had finished my book I thought that I would have a go at reading it. I thought that it may be a book just aimed at men of a certain age but it’s not and I loved reading it and couldn’t put it down once I started it. I like John Bishop and this book has given me even more reasons to like him with his funny and thoughtful stories.