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Уверенность: Внятное руководство по избавлению от страхов, комплексов и тревог
Тревожность, загнанные внутрь комплексы, подавляемые страхи ― всё это мешает нам жить полноценно, быть успешными на работе и в личной жизни. Избавиться от них помогут простые инструменты и упражнения, разработанные автором. В примерах из книги многие узнают себя: тут и боязнь публичных выступлений, и чрезмерный перфекционизм, и синдром самозванца и многие другие проблемы современного человека. Основываясь на собственном опыте и результатах современных исследований в областях физиологии, социологии и когнитивной психологии, Кэролайн Форен объясняет, как именно справиться с той или иной проблемой. Ее книга помогла тысячам людей во всем мире побороть неуверенность, поверить в себя и полноценно реализоваться без оглядки на чужое мнение.
256 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2019
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January 23, 2020
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Tavaly januárban a szorongás kezeléséhez adott borzasztóan hasznos eszközöket a kezembe Caroline Foran előző könyve (értékelés itt: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...). Azóta sem győzöm dicsérni és ajánlgatni mindenkinek. Egy könyv elolvasása persze még csak az első lépés, de ha nem sunnyogja el az ember a feladatokat, hanem megtalálja, mi az, ami nála működik, és azt nem hanyagolja el akkor sem, amikor jól van, és pláne nem, amikor nő a nyomás, és semmire sincs idő, mert különben az év végére egy gőzölgő sz*rkupac marad csak belőle… na, szóval nem elhanyagolni.
Annyit mondok ajánlónak, mindkét könyvhöz, hogy tavaly ilyenkor pánikrohamaim voltak a BKV-n, irodában, bárhol. Most meg nemrég jöttem vissza egy idegen országból, ahol 80-100 ismeretlen embernek mutattak be két nap alatt, problémákat beszéltem meg, megoldásokat kerestem, megnéztem, hogy dolgoznak, hoztam ötleteket, módszereket, amiket beépítünk a munkánkba. És teljesen laza volt az egész. Csak a repülőn (mindkét irányban) kerülgetett a sírógörcs, de azt is tudtam kezelni. Amúgy meg se szorongás, se rémüldözés. Bár ezt a könyvet csak a hazafele úton fejeztem be, egészen a végén, de addigra is rendben volt már, hogy a komfort zónában semmi érdekes nem történik, érdemes kicsit bővíteni. Már csak azért is, mert egy ilyen élmény elképesztően meg tudja növelni a magabiztosságot.
Azt mondja, nem cél, hogy ne félj semmitől, azt nem is lehet. Hanem hogy attól függetlenül is csináld. Nem ész nélkül, nem mindent. De hát ugye a bátorság sem azt jelenti, hogy nem félünk, hanem hogy annak ellenére is megteszünk valamit. (Amúgy is alapelvem, hogy félelemből nem hagyunk ki semmit, lásd az egyik kedvenc Auster-idézetem: „Most people were scared, but scared was a stupid way to live, Ferguson felt, a dishonest and demoralizing way to live, a dead-end life, a dead life.”.)
Az elején hosszasan szálazta is szét a fogalmakat: mi a bátorság, mi az önbecsülés, mi a magabiztosság, és bár gyakran felcserélhetőként használjuk ezeket a fogalmakat, alaposan össze is fonódnak, a könyv elsősorban a magabiztosságra összpontosít.
A nők és férfiak közt ebben is van különbség, naná. A nőknél általában sokkal fontosabb a kompetencia alapú magabiztosság: akkor jelentkeznek egy állásra, magasabb pozícióra stb, ha úgy érzik, megvan hozzá a kellő tapasztalatuk, képességeik, képesítésük. Ezzel szemben sok férfi jelentkezik ezek hiányában is, náluk kevésbé a kompetencia függvénye a magabiztosság. Találjátok ki, kik kapják meg az előléptetést…
A perfekcionizmus (és hogy az egészséged rámehet, ha nem figyelsz oda) és az imposztor szindróma is talált. Továbbra is nagyon bírom a stílusát, szókimondó, de sosem bántó. Utánajár a kutatásoknak, nem állítja, hogy egyetlen megváltó módszert mutat (nem is egy eszközt ad, ismét, hanem sokat, lehet próbálgatni, mi működik), de hozzáteszi a saját élményeit is. Ismeri a cipőt, ő is járt benne, sőt, még mindig jár. Ez is folyamat, nem egyszer elvégzendő feladat.
Nem csak arra tér ki, hogyan állj fel, ha elbuksz, hanem arra is, hogy tessék megállni egy pillanatra, és megadni magadnak az elismerést a sikerért. Nem áh, semmiség, ha megdolgoztál érte. Jár az elismerés.
Az előző könyvéből is hoztam egy mantrát, amit azóta is mondogatok magamnak, bár a Niall Breslin által jegyzett előszóból: „you are tough as f*ck and more resilient than you gave yourself credit for, because you have to be” (kb.: k*rva kemény vagy és rugalmasabb, mint hinnéd, mert muszáj, hogy az legyél).
Ebből pedig az lesz: én vagyok az Igazi, b*sszameg (we are „the one”, goddammit). Dióhéjban arra, amit persze mindenki tud, hogy a legfontosabb, hogy saját magával legyen rendben. Másra nincs szükség.
---------------------------------------
Caroline Foran's previous book gave me a ton of hugely useful tools for handling anxiety last January. I still can't praise it enough to anyone I meet. Of course, reading a book is only a first step, you need to find what methods work for you and you shouldn't let your efforts slip when everything is fine, and definitely not when pressure starts to build up and you don't have time for anything, otherwise a pile of stinking sh*t is all that's going to remain of you at the end of the year… anyway, don't let the efforts slip.
As a few words of a recommendation for both books I'll say that last year I was having panic attacks on public transport, at the office, anywhere and everywhere. And now I've been just back from a foreign country where I was introduced to 80-100 strangers in two days, talking through problems, trying to find solutions, studying how they are working there, bringing ideas and methods back home we can use in our work. And it was all cool. I only had to fight the urge to break down and cry on the plane (both directions) and managed even with that, yay me. No anxiety, no fear of failure (not even imposter syndrome). I hadn't finished this book until the plane landed at the airport on the way back home but I already knew there was nothing exciting happening inside the comfort zone, you have to stretch it a bit to find anything interesting. An experience like this one can give you a great confidence boost, definitely worth it.
It says fearlessness is not the goal, not that it can be achieved anyway. The goal is to feel the fear and do it anyway (the definition of courage, actually). That is not to say to do it without thinking, or to take on every challenge. (I have a life principle not to miss out on anything out of fear, as one of my favourite quotes by Auster puts it: „Most people were scared, but scared was a stupid way to live, Ferguson felt, a dishonest and demoralizing way to live, a dead-end life, a dead life.”)
There's a segment on defining courage, self-esteem, and confidence, terms we often use interchangeably and they are, in fact, linked to one another but this book focuses on confidence (while addressing briefly the others as well).
There is a gender gap, why wouldn't there be, with women generally relying more on competence based confidence when applying for a job or a promotion, whereas men have their confidence in themselves even if they lack the competence. Guess who's getting the promotion...
I really like Foran's style of writing, the way she's not f*cking around without being rude to anyone (unlike some other authors). She also understands the perils of perfectionism and what it feels like to have imposter syndrome from time to time. She cites all the scientific studies, and doesn't claim to have one magic method that will solve all your problems (on the contrary, she gives a bunch of tools to try what works for you). Also, she walked and is still walking in the same shoes sometimes. This one is not a task you can tick off your list once done, it is a never-ending process (sorry for breaking the bad news).
She explores not only what to do when you fail but to give yourself credit when you do succeed. It is not an oh-it-was-nothing-moment, you earned it, stop for a second to acknowledge the work you've done.
There's a line in her previous book (although from the Foreword by Niall Breslin) I tell myself from time to time: „you are tough as f*ck and more resilient than you gave yourself credit for, because you have to be”. From this one, I will take „we are 'the one', goddammit”. The thing we all know, of course, how it is the most important thing to accept and love yourself first. Self-care before you can take care of others, so you better start now.
Tavaly januárban a szorongás kezeléséhez adott borzasztóan hasznos eszközöket a kezembe Caroline Foran előző könyve (értékelés itt: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...). Azóta sem győzöm dicsérni és ajánlgatni mindenkinek. Egy könyv elolvasása persze még csak az első lépés, de ha nem sunnyogja el az ember a feladatokat, hanem megtalálja, mi az, ami nála működik, és azt nem hanyagolja el akkor sem, amikor jól van, és pláne nem, amikor nő a nyomás, és semmire sincs idő, mert különben az év végére egy gőzölgő sz*rkupac marad csak belőle… na, szóval nem elhanyagolni.
Annyit mondok ajánlónak, mindkét könyvhöz, hogy tavaly ilyenkor pánikrohamaim voltak a BKV-n, irodában, bárhol. Most meg nemrég jöttem vissza egy idegen országból, ahol 80-100 ismeretlen embernek mutattak be két nap alatt, problémákat beszéltem meg, megoldásokat kerestem, megnéztem, hogy dolgoznak, hoztam ötleteket, módszereket, amiket beépítünk a munkánkba. És teljesen laza volt az egész. Csak a repülőn (mindkét irányban) kerülgetett a sírógörcs, de azt is tudtam kezelni. Amúgy meg se szorongás, se rémüldözés. Bár ezt a könyvet csak a hazafele úton fejeztem be, egészen a végén, de addigra is rendben volt már, hogy a komfort zónában semmi érdekes nem történik, érdemes kicsit bővíteni. Már csak azért is, mert egy ilyen élmény elképesztően meg tudja növelni a magabiztosságot.
Azt mondja, nem cél, hogy ne félj semmitől, azt nem is lehet. Hanem hogy attól függetlenül is csináld. Nem ész nélkül, nem mindent. De hát ugye a bátorság sem azt jelenti, hogy nem félünk, hanem hogy annak ellenére is megteszünk valamit. (Amúgy is alapelvem, hogy félelemből nem hagyunk ki semmit, lásd az egyik kedvenc Auster-idézetem: „Most people were scared, but scared was a stupid way to live, Ferguson felt, a dishonest and demoralizing way to live, a dead-end life, a dead life.”.)
Az elején hosszasan szálazta is szét a fogalmakat: mi a bátorság, mi az önbecsülés, mi a magabiztosság, és bár gyakran felcserélhetőként használjuk ezeket a fogalmakat, alaposan össze is fonódnak, a könyv elsősorban a magabiztosságra összpontosít.
A nők és férfiak közt ebben is van különbség, naná. A nőknél általában sokkal fontosabb a kompetencia alapú magabiztosság: akkor jelentkeznek egy állásra, magasabb pozícióra stb, ha úgy érzik, megvan hozzá a kellő tapasztalatuk, képességeik, képesítésük. Ezzel szemben sok férfi jelentkezik ezek hiányában is, náluk kevésbé a kompetencia függvénye a magabiztosság. Találjátok ki, kik kapják meg az előléptetést…
A perfekcionizmus (és hogy az egészséged rámehet, ha nem figyelsz oda) és az imposztor szindróma is talált. Továbbra is nagyon bírom a stílusát, szókimondó, de sosem bántó. Utánajár a kutatásoknak, nem állítja, hogy egyetlen megváltó módszert mutat (nem is egy eszközt ad, ismét, hanem sokat, lehet próbálgatni, mi működik), de hozzáteszi a saját élményeit is. Ismeri a cipőt, ő is járt benne, sőt, még mindig jár. Ez is folyamat, nem egyszer elvégzendő feladat.
Nem csak arra tér ki, hogyan állj fel, ha elbuksz, hanem arra is, hogy tessék megállni egy pillanatra, és megadni magadnak az elismerést a sikerért. Nem áh, semmiség, ha megdolgoztál érte. Jár az elismerés.
Az előző könyvéből is hoztam egy mantrát, amit azóta is mondogatok magamnak, bár a Niall Breslin által jegyzett előszóból: „you are tough as f*ck and more resilient than you gave yourself credit for, because you have to be” (kb.: k*rva kemény vagy és rugalmasabb, mint hinnéd, mert muszáj, hogy az legyél).
Ebből pedig az lesz: én vagyok az Igazi, b*sszameg (we are „the one”, goddammit). Dióhéjban arra, amit persze mindenki tud, hogy a legfontosabb, hogy saját magával legyen rendben. Másra nincs szükség.
---------------------------------------
Caroline Foran's previous book gave me a ton of hugely useful tools for handling anxiety last January. I still can't praise it enough to anyone I meet. Of course, reading a book is only a first step, you need to find what methods work for you and you shouldn't let your efforts slip when everything is fine, and definitely not when pressure starts to build up and you don't have time for anything, otherwise a pile of stinking sh*t is all that's going to remain of you at the end of the year… anyway, don't let the efforts slip.
As a few words of a recommendation for both books I'll say that last year I was having panic attacks on public transport, at the office, anywhere and everywhere. And now I've been just back from a foreign country where I was introduced to 80-100 strangers in two days, talking through problems, trying to find solutions, studying how they are working there, bringing ideas and methods back home we can use in our work. And it was all cool. I only had to fight the urge to break down and cry on the plane (both directions) and managed even with that, yay me. No anxiety, no fear of failure (not even imposter syndrome). I hadn't finished this book until the plane landed at the airport on the way back home but I already knew there was nothing exciting happening inside the comfort zone, you have to stretch it a bit to find anything interesting. An experience like this one can give you a great confidence boost, definitely worth it.
It says fearlessness is not the goal, not that it can be achieved anyway. The goal is to feel the fear and do it anyway (the definition of courage, actually). That is not to say to do it without thinking, or to take on every challenge. (I have a life principle not to miss out on anything out of fear, as one of my favourite quotes by Auster puts it: „Most people were scared, but scared was a stupid way to live, Ferguson felt, a dishonest and demoralizing way to live, a dead-end life, a dead life.”)
There's a segment on defining courage, self-esteem, and confidence, terms we often use interchangeably and they are, in fact, linked to one another but this book focuses on confidence (while addressing briefly the others as well).
There is a gender gap, why wouldn't there be, with women generally relying more on competence based confidence when applying for a job or a promotion, whereas men have their confidence in themselves even if they lack the competence. Guess who's getting the promotion...
I really like Foran's style of writing, the way she's not f*cking around without being rude to anyone (unlike some other authors). She also understands the perils of perfectionism and what it feels like to have imposter syndrome from time to time. She cites all the scientific studies, and doesn't claim to have one magic method that will solve all your problems (on the contrary, she gives a bunch of tools to try what works for you). Also, she walked and is still walking in the same shoes sometimes. This one is not a task you can tick off your list once done, it is a never-ending process (sorry for breaking the bad news).
She explores not only what to do when you fail but to give yourself credit when you do succeed. It is not an oh-it-was-nothing-moment, you earned it, stop for a second to acknowledge the work you've done.
There's a line in her previous book (although from the Foreword by Niall Breslin) I tell myself from time to time: „you are tough as f*ck and more resilient than you gave yourself credit for, because you have to be”. From this one, I will take „we are 'the one', goddammit”. The thing we all know, of course, how it is the most important thing to accept and love yourself first. Self-care before you can take care of others, so you better start now.
August 14, 2018
This book introduces a lot of tools and it's all very practical so I really liked reading it. I should probably wait with the rating until I've actually tried some of them though, heh.
June 19, 2019
As I have read other books in thevpast, this one didn't really bring anything new to me
January 2, 2019
If you enjoyed this author's debut book, Owning It (great read!), then this one is a must!
I absolutely loved every minute of this easy to read, enlightening, encouraging little book! One of the things I like most is the relatability and reader-friendly way it's written. I have ready mannnnnnny self books over the years and I would easily put this one on my list of Top 20.
Some self help books are preachy, offering directives on what you MUST do and how you MUST change is you wish to achieve a particular outcome. Not this one, Caroline Foran offers thoughtful, positive suggestions for overcoming many common fears and phobias. She also explains the unusual genesis of some of our most deep seated psychological blocks. Another reason I adore this author and THIS book in particular is the careful way she blends academia and reader-friendly jargon. Of course, there is value in learning proper terminology! With that said, some authors go overboard to the extent that the book isn't reader friendly for those of us lacking psychology degrees. I am delighted to say this book strikes a happy medium - educating without overwhelming you with basic concepts and lingo.
Highest recommendation!
I absolutely loved every minute of this easy to read, enlightening, encouraging little book! One of the things I like most is the relatability and reader-friendly way it's written. I have ready mannnnnnny self books over the years and I would easily put this one on my list of Top 20.
Some self help books are preachy, offering directives on what you MUST do and how you MUST change is you wish to achieve a particular outcome. Not this one, Caroline Foran offers thoughtful, positive suggestions for overcoming many common fears and phobias. She also explains the unusual genesis of some of our most deep seated psychological blocks. Another reason I adore this author and THIS book in particular is the careful way she blends academia and reader-friendly jargon. Of course, there is value in learning proper terminology! With that said, some authors go overboard to the extent that the book isn't reader friendly for those of us lacking psychology degrees. I am delighted to say this book strikes a happy medium - educating without overwhelming you with basic concepts and lingo.
Highest recommendation!
May 2, 2021
Щось книга зовсім не ведмедик на кульці, а якийсь шлак. Відчув ніби прочитав чийсь реферат в старшій школі. Той сказав те, та сказала се, ніби є якісь відсилки до власного досвіду, але дуже туманні й через те з'являється відчуття поверхневості та фальші. Деякі моменти мені сподобались, зокрема, що треба більш усвідомлено приймати успіхи й виділяти їм більше уваги, задумуватись над страхами, причина й найгірший сценарій, та примирення з ним. Проте корисного з книги можна почерпнути маленько.
January 29, 2020
All the stars
Has a hefty well used biography of scientific work without being dense or hard to read.
Loved the tone, it is indeed BS free and feels like the advice a smart friend would give, it’s sympathetic but not simpering like a lot of self-help writing.
Has a hefty well used biography of scientific work without being dense or hard to read.
Loved the tone, it is indeed BS free and feels like the advice a smart friend would give, it’s sympathetic but not simpering like a lot of self-help writing.
May 5, 2020
Super hard to get through. Did not find it to be good advice. It was half good advice half preachy annoying wanted to throw it. Would not recommend. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
May 16, 2025
tl;dr: A decently practical book for introducing you to basic concepts surrounding comfort, fear, confidence, self worth, and tools on how to work with and deal with each one. Still rather too on the surface for me, I was hoping for more in-depth exploration. I appreciated the reminders and exercises at least. Might be worth checking out if you're curious. (And in your 20s.)
I was so back and forth on a 3 or 4 star. The advice is good, and I like the reminders, but lacks depth due to the author's lack of knowledge. Still found it worth having read, though wish I had read it 10 years ago in my 20s instead, haha.
Not tl;dr: (My thoughts as I read the book)
The author admits that while they are not personally trained in the area of psychology, that they've consulted with a psychologist to assist them in writing this book. I do think that that shows. For better and for worse, haha.
First impressions were definitely positive. The author does well to introduce the topic and bring in their own real-life experiences as well. There were quite a few quotes and references to psychologists. The first half covers basic concepts surrounding confidence (comfort zone, fear, etc) with the latter half discussing concepts and exercises to help mitigate or quell your fears and discomforts.
I get how self-help books almost always have to reference a celebrity as an example, despite that being a pet-peeve of mine, and this one is no exception. Mentioning JK Rowling, Tony Robbins, and Elon Musk as examples is...well. I would like to hope at least by now everyone on the planet knows these were terrible examples. But all-in-all, they're always shallow, superficial examples at best, or age poorly, or are just completely wrong at worst.
This was also why I had put the book down for so long. Which is a shame, because it was pretty promising with a lot of legit advice. Starting with your comfort zone, exploring fear, failure, and confidence (prior to Musk) was really great. And the content after faired similarly (minus, again, celebrity mentions). I loved how approachable the author made these very relatable concepts. It's a lot of ground to cover, so there isn't that much depth, but while on the surface, I didn't find anything particularly lacking with the author's style of writing and the points they were making, I do feel like the author's lack of knowledge and constant use of other people's materials really took over.
There are times where the examples were a bit lacking (like the over-emphasis on public speaking. I get that it's a trope, and also personal to the author, but in real life, people aren't giving speeches left and right). If you've read other self-help books on this topic, I don't think this book contains any NEW information, but I still found the way it was presented here to be decent enough on its own. (Especially for people who HAVEN'T read a lot of self help books!)
I think in large part due to the author's lack of depth of knowledge with psychology, that did leave this book rather surface level for me. I didn't get a lot of punch I look for in self-help books, which is why I usually prefer reading books by actual licensed doctors, but thought I'd still give this one a chance. There were still good nuggets here and there, but nothing that blew me away or really made me pause and think. Of course, the times the author did quote or reference other materials, I found it more engaging personally. But regardless, I'd say I enjoyed it more than "Let that Sh*T Go" by Kate Petriw and Nina Purewal. While this book also had that 'millennial' style to it, it wasn't AS in your face or obnoxious about it. It's still written rather young, I'd say more aimed towards those in their 20s. Maybe about to graduate college, or working your first job.
That said, I do agree with another reviewer where a LOT of this book is quotations or references to other materials or experts. This book reads more like a summary of a bunch of resources and advice rolled into one, which is great as a concept, but does also beg the question of, what is the author adding that is their own work? Most of that just seems to be their real life experiences and thoughts on the advice from others that she describes in this book. Which I suppose is nice to see an example of this stuff in action, but if you're interested in more depth or exploration of these concepts, then this book is not for you. (Especially since the overall bulk of the real life examples of the author only amounted to public speaking...well...that too sort of left me feeling 'meh'.) However, if you're wanting a book that does a decent job at putting a bunch of common therapy advice in one place, this may be worth checking out.
I have such mixed feelings. I suppose this is a 3.5, or maybe 3.75? x'D for me. My younger self would've really loved this book, and I can feel that pretty strongly, and it's not a bad surface summary of a lot of psychology concepts and exercises, which is why I feel lenient towards a 4. If you've read other self help books in the past, I would say this could be a skip. If you're new to self help books, I think this one is an easy and friendly enough one to start with.
I was so back and forth on a 3 or 4 star. The advice is good, and I like the reminders, but lacks depth due to the author's lack of knowledge. Still found it worth having read, though wish I had read it 10 years ago in my 20s instead, haha.
Not tl;dr: (My thoughts as I read the book)
The author admits that while they are not personally trained in the area of psychology, that they've consulted with a psychologist to assist them in writing this book. I do think that that shows. For better and for worse, haha.
First impressions were definitely positive. The author does well to introduce the topic and bring in their own real-life experiences as well. There were quite a few quotes and references to psychologists. The first half covers basic concepts surrounding confidence (comfort zone, fear, etc) with the latter half discussing concepts and exercises to help mitigate or quell your fears and discomforts.
I get how self-help books almost always have to reference a celebrity as an example, despite that being a pet-peeve of mine, and this one is no exception. Mentioning JK Rowling, Tony Robbins, and Elon Musk as examples is...well. I would like to hope at least by now everyone on the planet knows these were terrible examples. But all-in-all, they're always shallow, superficial examples at best, or age poorly, or are just completely wrong at worst.
This was also why I had put the book down for so long. Which is a shame, because it was pretty promising with a lot of legit advice. Starting with your comfort zone, exploring fear, failure, and confidence (prior to Musk) was really great. And the content after faired similarly (minus, again, celebrity mentions). I loved how approachable the author made these very relatable concepts. It's a lot of ground to cover, so there isn't that much depth, but while on the surface, I didn't find anything particularly lacking with the author's style of writing and the points they were making, I do feel like the author's lack of knowledge and constant use of other people's materials really took over.
There are times where the examples were a bit lacking (like the over-emphasis on public speaking. I get that it's a trope, and also personal to the author, but in real life, people aren't giving speeches left and right). If you've read other self-help books on this topic, I don't think this book contains any NEW information, but I still found the way it was presented here to be decent enough on its own. (Especially for people who HAVEN'T read a lot of self help books!)
I think in large part due to the author's lack of depth of knowledge with psychology, that did leave this book rather surface level for me. I didn't get a lot of punch I look for in self-help books, which is why I usually prefer reading books by actual licensed doctors, but thought I'd still give this one a chance. There were still good nuggets here and there, but nothing that blew me away or really made me pause and think. Of course, the times the author did quote or reference other materials, I found it more engaging personally. But regardless, I'd say I enjoyed it more than "Let that Sh*T Go" by Kate Petriw and Nina Purewal. While this book also had that 'millennial' style to it, it wasn't AS in your face or obnoxious about it. It's still written rather young, I'd say more aimed towards those in their 20s. Maybe about to graduate college, or working your first job.
That said, I do agree with another reviewer where a LOT of this book is quotations or references to other materials or experts. This book reads more like a summary of a bunch of resources and advice rolled into one, which is great as a concept, but does also beg the question of, what is the author adding that is their own work? Most of that just seems to be their real life experiences and thoughts on the advice from others that she describes in this book. Which I suppose is nice to see an example of this stuff in action, but if you're interested in more depth or exploration of these concepts, then this book is not for you. (Especially since the overall bulk of the real life examples of the author only amounted to public speaking...well...that too sort of left me feeling 'meh'.) However, if you're wanting a book that does a decent job at putting a bunch of common therapy advice in one place, this may be worth checking out.
I have such mixed feelings. I suppose this is a 3.5, or maybe 3.75? x'D for me. My younger self would've really loved this book, and I can feel that pretty strongly, and it's not a bad surface summary of a lot of psychology concepts and exercises, which is why I feel lenient towards a 4. If you've read other self help books in the past, I would say this could be a skip. If you're new to self help books, I think this one is an easy and friendly enough one to start with.
January 16, 2022
Редко ставлю self-help книжкам оценку выше 3-ки, но этой книжке (и особенно на контрасте с другими) даю 5 звезд.
Книжка условно разделена на 2 части:
1) Первая часть книги посвящена мат части о страхах, тревожности, включая их частых спутников перфекционизм и низкую самооценку.
2) Вторая часть описывает инструменты и практики, как со страхом справляться. Редкий случай, когда дают конкретику, что делать, а не льют воду, которую неясно, как применять.
Допускаю, что если вы уже прочитали сто книжек про страхи и тревожности, то в этой не будет ничего нового, но это не мой случай.
Ниже примеры из книги об инструментах для борьбы с тревожностью и страхами (СПОЙЛЕРЫ):
1. Дыхательные практики для успокоения
2. Метод якорения
3. Fake it until you make it
4. Продумать, каким может быть самый плохой исход ситуации. Действительно ли он так плох и страшен? Как можно митигировать эти последствия, если все же они настанут (что ОЧЕНЬ вряд ли).
5. Risk management: выписать, что может пойти не так в процессе, продумать, как реагировать. Предупрежден-значит вооружен.
6. Практиковать некоторые аспекты стоицизма (н-р, Не тревожиться о вещах вне нашего контроля). Понятно, что получится не сразу, но со временем.
7. Запрещать себе сомневаться в уже принятом решении. Решение принято? Вы восхитительно, работаем над реализацией.
и тд.
Книжка условно разделена на 2 части:
1) Первая часть книги посвящена мат части о страхах, тревожности, включая их частых спутников перфекционизм и низкую самооценку.
2) Вторая часть описывает инструменты и практики, как со страхом справляться. Редкий случай, когда дают конкретику, что делать, а не льют воду, которую неясно, как применять.
Допускаю, что если вы уже прочитали сто книжек про страхи и тревожности, то в этой не будет ничего нового, но это не мой случай.
Ниже примеры из книги об инструментах для борьбы с тревожностью и страхами (СПОЙЛЕРЫ):
1. Дыхательные практики для успокоения
2. Метод якорения
3. Fake it until you make it
4. Продумать, каким может быть самый плохой исход ситуации. Действительно ли он так плох и страшен? Как можно митигировать эти последствия, если все же они настанут (что ОЧЕНЬ вряд ли).
5. Risk management: выписать, что может пойти не так в процессе, продумать, как реагировать. Предупрежден-значит вооружен.
6. Практиковать некоторые аспекты стоицизма (н-р, Не тревожиться о вещах вне нашего контроля). Понятно, что получится не сразу, но со временем.
7. Запрещать себе сомневаться в уже принятом решении. Решение принято? Вы восхитительно, работаем над реализацией.
и тд.
September 9, 2024
Overall, not a bad read, good reminders and exercises. You will not be worse for reading this book :) I did a few of the practices but some of them are hard to actually do or seem a bit unpractical. Most of the "fear" is public speaking, so if you need assistance with public speaking specifically this is a good choice. Also, I do feel the author is really leaning heavily on other people's exercises, words, and ideas. Now, I completely get that this is most self-help books, which is why I gave it 3 stars. However, this was excessive, like there was a FULL PAGE of someone else's writing, quoted, I feel like I would have been told I was plagiarizing in college for this? LOL. My issue with this is like - what exactly ARE YOU brining to the table?
January 20, 2025
I would give it a 4.5, only because I would have liked more dynamic examples. Most of the examples are taken from her experience which is still helpful and valid beyond measure in this book, but sometimes it doesn't click in the mind. With some edit mistakes (I'm not a grammar nazi, only that words were double typed or mistyped at certain points in the book, probably could have been the particular book I purchased) anyways, this book has given me a great outlook on my life and hope. I like how it is easy to connect yourself and there are great insites that I have yet to see in other self help book. Definitely recommend.
March 2, 2020
Хорошее руководство, чтобы понять причины своей тревожности или беспокойства и постараться справиться с ненужными эмоциями, которые только мешают в достижении целей. Не скажу, что книга - панацея от всех тревог (да такой и нет), но упражнения, приведенные в книге помогают перенаправить свои мысли в нужное русло. Главное не переусердствовать, иметь терпение и не терять уверенности, если что-то не получается. Все, что нужно - медленно и верно двигаться по направлению к желанной цели.
September 28, 2023
Defo want to come back to some of the things she was saying. Felt a lil nostalgic cause she was referencing soo much of the stuff my therapist used to teach me when i was a kid.
I feel like certain things here will be useful in certain moments.
Wouldve liked to of heard more about her personal experiences like it couldve been more emotional in places but i think she did yhat in her previous book?
I feel like certain things here will be useful in certain moments.
Wouldve liked to of heard more about her personal experiences like it couldve been more emotional in places but i think she did yhat in her previous book?
June 2, 2018
If you're looking for a book that helps you develop your confidence then I would highly recommend The Confidence Kit by Caroline Foran. There's so much useful information within the book that will help you to develop your confidence and understand why you're confidence isn't at the level you want it to be.
October 19, 2021
This was a good read with a healthy mix of science, psychology and useful explanations. I found some chapters more useful than others, but overall, it's definitely a book you can keep to hand with toolkits you can glance through when you need them. I particularly recommend the chapter on perfectionism, it was so interesting.
November 4, 2024
I liked the book overall but was very long and drew out somethings to connect personal experience when I feel it wasn't needed or gave too much emphasis on something that didn't need it. Basically I wasn't such a big fan of the writing style but I took a lot of good info from it and it was a helpful book during a hard time in my life.
October 16, 2020
My dad got me this book at a hard time in my life and although not all of the advice in the book is something I can apply to my life it genuinely did help to read into someone else mind and realise I'm not the only person who is thinking "that" way. Definitely recommend reading!
July 2, 2022
This book helped me so much in understanding processes and loving myself more. Sometimes we want to be in such a rush for no reason and this book helped me figure out how to slow down and do things not fearlessly but embracing fear. Would recommend to everyone who has self doubts.
December 19, 2018
Good book with practical tips to use in real life.
August 10, 2019
** listened via audible**
Didn’t enjoy this as much as Foran’s first book. I don’t feel like I got that much from this one. It was also very short.
Didn’t enjoy this as much as Foran’s first book. I don’t feel like I got that much from this one. It was also very short.
August 12, 2019
3.5 stars
September 29, 2019
Cute book. Well written, the format kept me engaged. Great for anyone looking to gain some confidence and feel more comfortable in their own skin. Has actionable advice along with stats and stories.
March 17, 2021
Pertinent, percutant, avec de l'humour ! J'ai appris énormément avec ce livre.
March 18, 2021
A great tool to dip in and out of once you've read it through completely. Good use of the author's own examples to help solidify ideas and practical actions.
April 21, 2022
Quick, easy read with amazing affirmations to give you a guideline to your best self
November 12, 2022
Great humour and advice but a bit repetitive. Only aspect that really stuck with me is to feel your fear but do it anyway. Use your anxiety as a tool to get to where you want to be.
April 22, 2024
Wow...really needed this.
This was exactly what I needed. My goal is to use the tools I have learned to accomplish the difficulties and difficult things that I need to in life.
This was exactly what I needed. My goal is to use the tools I have learned to accomplish the difficulties and difficult things that I need to in life.
February 3, 2020
An incredible resource for anyone who feels like they could do with a bit more confidence. Caroline Foran manages to turn a potentially-cringey topic into a wonderfully entertaining, informative, and fun read.
January 19, 2020
You Got This: Face Your Fear, Find Your Confidence is the second book by Caroline Foran, whose first book Own It I previously reviewed and was quite impressed with. In this book, she aims to turn your mental fear blocks into building blocks to boost your confidence.
The first part of the book gives background information on fear, confidence, and related concepts like perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Psychological theories, neuroscience, and research findings are explained in simple language. The author explains why the comfort zone isn't inherently a good place, and why there is an optimal anxiety level.
The second part of the book is the confidence-building toolkit. The first tool presented was stoicism, which is something I've seen a number of people writing about recently, although I've never taken the time to really look into it. My understanding of the author's explanation is that it's essentially being in the present without allowing ourselves to be swayed by the desire for pleasure or the desire to avoid pain. She acknowledges that some of what you might read about stoicism may trigger your bullsh*tometer; I always like it when someone is in tune with that kind of thing.
Some of the other tools include temptation bundling (pairing something you don't want to do with something you do want ) and getting to the "fuck it moment" where you override your fear and do a task anyway.
While there's nothing I can identify that's "wrong" with this book, I felt a lot less engaged than I did with the author's first book, Own It, and it didn't feel like she was quite as present in this book as the first. There aren't any clear problems that I see in the book, and it's quite possible that I wasn't engaged because I wasn't in all that great a place when I was reading it. My lack of engagement aside, I think this book could be quite useful for someone looking for some strategies to boost their confidence.
The first part of the book gives background information on fear, confidence, and related concepts like perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Psychological theories, neuroscience, and research findings are explained in simple language. The author explains why the comfort zone isn't inherently a good place, and why there is an optimal anxiety level.
The second part of the book is the confidence-building toolkit. The first tool presented was stoicism, which is something I've seen a number of people writing about recently, although I've never taken the time to really look into it. My understanding of the author's explanation is that it's essentially being in the present without allowing ourselves to be swayed by the desire for pleasure or the desire to avoid pain. She acknowledges that some of what you might read about stoicism may trigger your bullsh*tometer; I always like it when someone is in tune with that kind of thing.
Some of the other tools include temptation bundling (pairing something you don't want to do with something you do want ) and getting to the "fuck it moment" where you override your fear and do a task anyway.
While there's nothing I can identify that's "wrong" with this book, I felt a lot less engaged than I did with the author's first book, Own It, and it didn't feel like she was quite as present in this book as the first. There aren't any clear problems that I see in the book, and it's quite possible that I wasn't engaged because I wasn't in all that great a place when I was reading it. My lack of engagement aside, I think this book could be quite useful for someone looking for some strategies to boost their confidence.
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