Self–Acceptance: How to banish the self-esteem myth, accept yourself unconditionally and revolutionise your mental health

by Harry Barry

How to look after your mental wellbeing in times of stress

In an age where self-esteem is seen as essential to mental health, we are seeing unprecedented rises in mental health difficulties from depression anxiety, eating disorders and many others. Is there not a dichotomy at play here? Is Self - Esteem (ie 'I live for my rating') a reality at all or simply a myth we are all buying into. In this book bestselling author Harry Barry challenges the conventional wisdom and explores why the terms self-acceptance, self-respect and self-actualization are more helpful in developing positive mental health. In his trademark style he also provides practical examples of what we should all be doing instead to build confidence and reach our full potential.

Part 1: The myth of self-esteem
Part 2: Debunking the myth of 'low self-esteem'
Part 3: Debunking the myth of 'high self-esteem'
Part 4: Debunking the myth 'others can dictate my self-esteem'

Genres: Mental Health

288 pages, Paperback

Published August 11, 2020

Reviews

[Niamh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting concepts from a brilliant psychiatrist. Reads a little repetitive if reading from cover to cover but it is possible to just read chapters of interest to avoid this.

[Mark Ryan · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF at about 25%…the way this book is written is frustrating. It’s like it’s laid out as facts, but they are opinions. And he talks about a lot of proof for his theories, but they’re just other theories. It’s a bit of a pointless exercise.

[C · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not especially helpful. Lots of fairly generic information and examples which read very "boomer interpretation of young people problems". The concept of learning how to overcome self judgement rather than comparing oneself to others, is touched on only briefly. It would have been much more useful, in my opinion, if the author would have centred the focus of the book on this premise and practical methods on how to implement it. I didnt find the patient examples useful, because as Ive already noted, they were presented as very boomer perpective interpretations of "young people" problems, (social media, not doing well in school etc). As a 46 year old gen x-er, Im not lacking self worth in these areas. The author also touches on the concept of low self worth being created during childhood/teenage years, but seems dismissive of how this can create lifelong problems. There is nothing in here for people who have had childhood trauma. I wouldnt recommend this book.

[Shane Colton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first Harry Barry book. The first 2 or 3 chapters were quite heavy and I felt sort of lost reading it. However as the book progressed it got better. The overarching theme is that self esteem is something we shouldn't be trying to keep artificially boosted but rather we should develop resilience and self acceptance. Also rating ourselves harshly due to 1 negative occurrence or set of circumstances is not rational. These core themes are reiterated and displayed through example case studies (I assume fictional people) who have suffered depression and the way the psychologist helped them work through it using Dr Barry's above theme of the book. I would read more of his books but prob will leave it awhile. You need to be in the right head space. All I'd say is stick with the book it gets better.

[Özgün · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, it contributed a lot to my self-development (and self-acceptance) especially with the second part. On the other hand, I didn't completely get the author's point with regard to rejecting the concept of self-esteem. This may well be because I'm not a native English speaker who grew up in an English speaking country. But still, it just didn't add up for me.
I'm glad I read it though. It was a good example of the use of CBT.

[Andy Dix · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-esteem is a harmful myth

What if we are self-sabotaging our mental wellbeing by believing in a harmful myth of self-esteem? Self-rating or the rating of others of one’s worth as a human being is absurd. We can rate our competencies and behaviors, but not our worth as a human. Self-acceptance is the key to wellbeing. This book is practical and informative, but most of all, helpful to end the futile appeasement of our inner critic.

[Ari · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book has some really sound ideas and I can see how "radical" the shift in mindset (from self-esteem to self-acceptance is), but for my taste the way he's explaining them is a bit like feeding people pre-chewed bits of clementine so they can digest the concepts easier.
Still, a very good time investment! Worth checking out.

[Imogen Isherwood · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great idea for a book, found the relative of the CBT used however the actual exercises initially explained we all mixed up in the hardcore first couple of chapters, would have helped if they had been separated.

[G3DDU · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but a little repetitive. The first half of the book was more engaging overall, with stronger concepts. However, the techniques explained for achieving this so-called unconditional self-acceptance felt a bit weak.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Very easy read. No medical jargon just straight forward explanations. Practical exercises for the reader to try

[Michael D · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful, practical steps to work through Ellis' REBT model.