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Fast Forward: Confessions of a Porn Screenwriter
“Like most pornography, I found Fast Forward to be a relentless and indecent assault on the traditional family values that Americans find most sacred. Makes a great stocking stuffer."—Amy Sedaris
With dreams of becoming a highly respected screenwriter, Eric Spitznagel moves to Los Angeles. When Hollywood fails to notice him, he settles for the next best thing: writing scripts for adult films. Determined to make the most of his bad luck, he sets out to make a movie that will be celebrated more for its witty dialogue and gripping plot than its raw depictions of hardcore sex. As Spitznagel discovers, making the Great American Porn is far from easy, especially when you've been hired to write a sequel to Butt Crazy.
Spitznagel struggles to be taken seriously as an artist, a seeming impossibility in an industry averse to “complicated words.” Along the way, he meets a director with delusions of being the porn Kurosawa, an actress with a scholarly knowledge of medical maladies, and an NBA star who might just make the biggest mistake of his life. In an industry devoted to churning out disposable erotica, can one lowly writer make an adult film that compels viewers to admire the plot without hovering a thumb over the fast forward button?
Eric Spitznagel is the author of four humor books, including The Junk Food Companion: A Celebration of Eating Badly (Plume, 1999). His writing appears frequently in Playboy, Esquire, Harper's Magazine, and The Believer.
With dreams of becoming a highly respected screenwriter, Eric Spitznagel moves to Los Angeles. When Hollywood fails to notice him, he settles for the next best thing: writing scripts for adult films. Determined to make the most of his bad luck, he sets out to make a movie that will be celebrated more for its witty dialogue and gripping plot than its raw depictions of hardcore sex. As Spitznagel discovers, making the Great American Porn is far from easy, especially when you've been hired to write a sequel to Butt Crazy.
Spitznagel struggles to be taken seriously as an artist, a seeming impossibility in an industry averse to “complicated words.” Along the way, he meets a director with delusions of being the porn Kurosawa, an actress with a scholarly knowledge of medical maladies, and an NBA star who might just make the biggest mistake of his life. In an industry devoted to churning out disposable erotica, can one lowly writer make an adult film that compels viewers to admire the plot without hovering a thumb over the fast forward button?
Eric Spitznagel is the author of four humor books, including The Junk Food Companion: A Celebration of Eating Badly (Plume, 1999). His writing appears frequently in Playboy, Esquire, Harper's Magazine, and The Believer.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
55 people want to read
About the author
Eric Spitznagel
4 books14 followersEric Spitznagel is the author and editor of ten books, most recently "Rock Stars on the Record: The Albums That Changed Their Lives" (Diversion Books, 2021) and "Old Records Never Die: One Man’s Quest for His Vinyl and His Past" (Plume 2016), a Hudson Booksellers Best Nonfiction Book of the Year.
He’s been a frequent contributor to magazines like Playboy, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Men’s Health, Rolling Stone, Billboard, and the New York Times, among many others. He lives in Chicago with his wife and a piano prodigy son, who creates songs from scratch that suggest a possible contract with the devil at the crossroads.
He’s been a frequent contributor to magazines like Playboy, Esquire, Vanity Fair, Men’s Health, Rolling Stone, Billboard, and the New York Times, among many others. He lives in Chicago with his wife and a piano prodigy son, who creates songs from scratch that suggest a possible contract with the devil at the crossroads.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
August 29, 2015
You had me in the beginning. A young writer moves to Hollywood and ends up in porn. The main character isn't exactly sympathetic, but for the most part, it works. It's a classic fish-out-of-water story...but we're in the third act now, and it's starting to get depressing. (178)
Quite funny at times, but gosh, I would have liked it a lot better had he not been so defensive about the whole thing. Spitznagel and his wife moved to L.A. in an attempt to make it as screenwriters—not quite as eye-roll-inducing as that could have been, as they had the résumés for it. But when nothing seemed to be going anywhere and they had bills to pay, Spitznagel turned to an unexpected source of income...porn.
Writing porn, that is, and then only for a brief period of time. Spitznagel would not, as is abundantly clear from the book, want the reader to get the impression that he was ever more than an outsider on the scene. Mind, I know approximately nothing about the industry (honestly, it had never occurred to me that people got paid to write porn scripts—though, if what Spitznagel says is anything to go by, it's not clear why they're being paid), but I'm not so sure Spitznagel does either, or wants to. Lots of clichés and caricatures and a tremendous amount of angst and judgement.
Points for the writing and occasional self-awareness (see quotation above); points taken off for a rabid 'BUT I'M NOT LIKE THEM!' sense that doesn't seem entirely limited to the past.
Quite funny at times, but gosh, I would have liked it a lot better had he not been so defensive about the whole thing. Spitznagel and his wife moved to L.A. in an attempt to make it as screenwriters—not quite as eye-roll-inducing as that could have been, as they had the résumés for it. But when nothing seemed to be going anywhere and they had bills to pay, Spitznagel turned to an unexpected source of income...porn.
Writing porn, that is, and then only for a brief period of time. Spitznagel would not, as is abundantly clear from the book, want the reader to get the impression that he was ever more than an outsider on the scene. Mind, I know approximately nothing about the industry (honestly, it had never occurred to me that people got paid to write porn scripts—though, if what Spitznagel says is anything to go by, it's not clear why they're being paid), but I'm not so sure Spitznagel does either, or wants to. Lots of clichés and caricatures and a tremendous amount of angst and judgement.
Points for the writing and occasional self-awareness (see quotation above); points taken off for a rabid 'BUT I'M NOT LIKE THEM!' sense that doesn't seem entirely limited to the past.
January 23, 2008
freaking hilarious! a down-on-his-luck screen writer learns the hard way that the world of porn is a surreal world that once entered, it is almost impossible to get out. Luckily, he survives to tell the tale.
April 25, 2017
Great idea, ho-hum execution. The beginning was good but the plot gets worse and worse until your just basically waiting for it to end. Someone needed to tell Spitznagel that its okay to be part of the joke that is the porn industry. It doesn't really benefit to caricaturize a caricature.
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July 3, 2020Breezy and Spitznagellian, which is to say, funny, crude and sweaty, sort of furry and always verging on outright nudity.
June 26, 2008
This book made me SCREAM. It's hilarsquared. So well written and filled with kick ass one-liners you'll do anything to integrate into conversation.
December 25, 2021
This is a real dud. The title sounded interesting but it ends up this is from a "comedy" writer who has put nothing funny in the book. It's listed as a "memoir," yet it obviously is fictionalized with all sorts of things in it that can't be believed. While it starts out somewhat intriguing, it quickly goes downhill when you realize how fake it all is. He isn't going to give you any inside information into his porn screenwriting job and instead simply give caricatures and bland situations that are supposed to be humorous. They're not.
I could go through the book and point out all the things that don't make sense or are completely illogical, proving that this is mostly fiction, but why waste my time. If you think you're going to learn anything about the porn industry, you don't. If you think you'll hear some sexy stories, there aren't any here. If you think you'll laugh, forget it. Here's a little confession of my own: I found this to be more yawn-inducing than bad porn. Not only should you fast forward but you shouldn't even start the book.
I could go through the book and point out all the things that don't make sense or are completely illogical, proving that this is mostly fiction, but why waste my time. If you think you're going to learn anything about the porn industry, you don't. If you think you'll hear some sexy stories, there aren't any here. If you think you'll laugh, forget it. Here's a little confession of my own: I found this to be more yawn-inducing than bad porn. Not only should you fast forward but you shouldn't even start the book.
November 9, 2019
Just ... no plot, which is ironic considering the subject matter. Tedious, repetitive, no plot nor character development. I didn't care about anyone. Just characterized boringness. Not even a freaking fun waste-my-time kind of "book."
May 7, 2014
I was expecting this to be funny, but it was instead an extended gripe about Hollywood, the porn industry, and the life of a professional writer. Occasional funny moments were balanced out by poor writing and editing (and an inexcusably large number of typos and grammatical errors). On the plus side, his actual porn script was pretty funny and is the reason for the extra star.
The author actually sums up the book's shortcomings pretty well in an imagined conversation with his writing hero:
"You know what your problem is? You're a cultural elitist. You think you're so much better than the rest of us - that you're the only one with any creative integrity. You've had this smug sense of superiority ever since you moved to L.A. What do you want anyway? Does the entire city need to make a public apology for not living up to your expectations? ... If you're so original, then how do you explain this contrived story line? The constant dream sequences, the lame homage to Freaks.... You had me in the beginning. A young writer moved to Hollywood and ends up in porn. The main character isn't exactly sympathetic, but for the most part, it works. It's a classic fish-out-of-water story... but we're in the third act now, and it's starting to get depressing.... No more excuses! You owe us a resolution that inspires, that gives hope. You can't let the main character walk away a loser. Where's the excitement in that?"
The author actually sums up the book's shortcomings pretty well in an imagined conversation with his writing hero:
"You know what your problem is? You're a cultural elitist. You think you're so much better than the rest of us - that you're the only one with any creative integrity. You've had this smug sense of superiority ever since you moved to L.A. What do you want anyway? Does the entire city need to make a public apology for not living up to your expectations? ... If you're so original, then how do you explain this contrived story line? The constant dream sequences, the lame homage to Freaks.... You had me in the beginning. A young writer moved to Hollywood and ends up in porn. The main character isn't exactly sympathetic, but for the most part, it works. It's a classic fish-out-of-water story... but we're in the third act now, and it's starting to get depressing.... No more excuses! You owe us a resolution that inspires, that gives hope. You can't let the main character walk away a loser. Where's the excitement in that?"
July 8, 2008
A little bit disappointing.
This wasn't a BAD book by any means, but if you're familiar with a typical Spitznagel blog - this doesn't live up. Here's his January '08 archive (from Vonnegut's Asshole):
http://vonnegutsasshole.blogspot.com/...
Thanks to his blog, I'd been looking forward to digging into one of his books for a while. I guess I built it up a little much.
Like I said though...it's not a bad book. I'd even call it good, for that matter. Plenty of laughs, and more than a couple moments of suspense.
This wasn't a BAD book by any means, but if you're familiar with a typical Spitznagel blog - this doesn't live up. Here's his January '08 archive (from Vonnegut's Asshole):
http://vonnegutsasshole.blogspot.com/...
Thanks to his blog, I'd been looking forward to digging into one of his books for a while. I guess I built it up a little much.
Like I said though...it's not a bad book. I'd even call it good, for that matter. Plenty of laughs, and more than a couple moments of suspense.
July 20, 2010
I didn't know what to expect going in. I have tremendous respect for Maniac D press, and this was something that seemed interesting off of its subtitle.
It's a fast read, and all of it centers around the protagonist and his inability to understand his job as a porn screenwriter. The internal battles you expect are there...on every single page. Some of the anecdotes are amusing, but nothing really too funny.
It's a fast read, and all of it centers around the protagonist and his inability to understand his job as a porn screenwriter. The internal battles you expect are there...on every single page. Some of the anecdotes are amusing, but nothing really too funny.
April 4, 2009
A fast read; pretty funny story about a guy who somehow ended up writing porn. Turns out writing scripts for porn is more difficult than you'd think (there goes my backup career plan).
October 27, 2010
What a waste of time...ugh!
July 28, 2011
I thought this would be interesting and entertaining, but it was really bad. Poorly written plot. Definitely do NOT recommend this one.
January 27, 2009
A quick, but forgettable read.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews