When You’re Not OK: A Toolkit for Tough Times

by Jill Stark

From Jill Stark, bestselling author of Happy Never After, comes this warm and practical book of tips and wisdom to help guide you through the tough times.

Whether you’re having a bad day, or a run of bad days that seems never-ending, Jill offers signposts to help you find the path back to yourself.

When You’re Not OK is an emotional first-aid kit for your body, mind, and soul, written by someone who’s been there too.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Personal Development, Biography, Health, Meditation

160 pages, Hardcover

First published September 3, 2019

About the author

Jill Stark was born in Edinburgh, Scotland and now calls Melbourne, Australia home.
She is the author of two books, and is an award-winning journalist with a career spanning two decades.
Happy Never After: Why The Happiness Fairytale Is Driving Us Mad (And How I Flipped The Script) is a forensic examination of our relentless pursuit of happiness in an age of anxiety.
Her first book, High Sobriety: My Year without Booze is a best-selling memoir about her journey through a year off the grog, and a forensic exploration of Australia’s binge drinking culture. It was shortlisted for the Kibble Literary Awards and was a finalist in the Walkley Book of the Year.

Reviews

[Siqahiqa · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Not a single person on this planet can escape tough times."

This book offers to help us find the path back to ourselves and advice on how to be OK, when we're not. The author has struggled with chronic anxiety and periods of depression, and she shares with us the things that she found helpful when times are tough on her.

This book has been divided into few self-explanatory sections to suit different moods and circumstances such as acceptance, love your body, slow down and be kind to yourself. It is brilliant to divide a chapter like this so that we can read it from the start or can read what we need at the moment. I've read this book from the start and might reread this book based on the mood/situations in the future.

The author emphasizes on let ourselves feel whatever we're feeling. Never deny our feelings or "fake it till you make it." Always be kind to ourselves by not neglecting to take care of our bodies. Even though we are not feeling our best, in depression, anxiety, we must take care of ourselves. The author has suggested some actions to do when handling these situations in the chapter "love your body" and "the basics."

I truly liked all of the contents in this book. I also admired the simple sentence but conveyed a considerable meaning in the "Remember" part at the end of each chapter.

"Remember... It's possible to struggle and still be strong".

"Remember... The only approval you need is your own".

Some tips also provided in this book such as:
1. Lessons in how to take back control of our life.
2. How to drop the comparisons and have the courage to celebrate ourselves in our way.
3. How to live more kindly and compassionately.

My most favorite chapter is You Do You. I can see myself finding my way back to this chapter at any time in the future. A reminder from this book as well, please don't suffer alone in silence. If you're not okay, please talk to people around you. If you feel like you could not trust/share the feeling with them, please reach out to a specialist. Please.

In summary, this book is practical and hopeful to me. Practical because of the book's small size so that we can bring this book anywhere we go. Hopeful because it contains useful advice for us to read again when the time comes. This book is undoubted will put under the list of books I can read in one sitting. Highly recommend it to all, especially for those having tough times, as this book provides a guide through that situation.

"Accepting the feelings, even the tough ones."

instagram.com/siriusiqa

[Isha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great 'beginning' book if you are someone who has is in the beginning stages of finding coping mechanisms for their anxiety or dealing with treating themselves better. I was excited to read this book after reading the beginning forward/introduction that Jill Stark included. I was expecting a more unique approach and advice, and while it is different than what you hear in a lot of self-help books, it was mostly all advice I had heard before. Again, I've spent years trying to hone in on methods that help me cope with my anxiety, so I'm not surprised that this was not as impactful for me, but I do think it's a great book for a beginner. I also realized that I'm not a huge fan of the small snippet of advice/words format. I feel like I wanted to know more and delve deeper into the concepts. But, that did make me want to read more from this author!

[Laura Jayne Tricker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick and helpful tool kit for when you feel like you’re losing an uphill battle. When you buy books like this, you kind of know what you’re in for. But this one avoids being patronising by not hiding behind toxic positivity. There are tips and tricks that you can really use, and benefit from, without all the fluff. An uplifting but realistic read that you can go back to when you need it.

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, sweet, quick tidbits to help get yourself out of a rut. I liked how REAL it felt. Like a friend was giving you really great advice.

[Raheeq ✨ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars ⭐️

كتاب جميل وخفيف جدًا ، يحمل بين طياته العديد من الرسائل المتنوعة والتي تساهم في تطوير وصقل شخصية الأنسان .
لست من محبي كتب التنمية الذاتية كثيرًا ولا استحب وجوب أسلوب الأمر فيها ، ولكن في هذا الكتاب تقبلت أسلوب الأمر والسبب يعود لوجود رسالة جميلة تقول :
" يعلمك هذا الكتاب كيف تستريح قليلًا عندما تبدو الأمور محطمة ولكنه لا يعلمك أن تبقى أيجابيًا "
من أفضل الرسائل التي قرأتها في هذا النوع من الكتب لانني لا أود أن يطلب مني أن أكون متفائلة وإيجابية ، أنما أود أن يحاورني الكتاب ويشعرني بأنني بشر ولدي أخطائي وزلاتي ومشاعري وأفكاري السلبية.
كتاب عميق ورائع رغم ان محتواه ليس جديد تمامًا ، تشعر بأن رسائله خفيفة لكنها عميقه في الوقت ذاته !
فعلًا عندما لا تكون بخير قد يفيدك هذا الكتاب ، لانه يحاورك لنفسك لا لغيرك بدون طيف الايجابية المثالية السامة.

[Frans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talk about saving the best until last (even if that wasn't the intention...) This book is an absolute gem - and I truly think there's something here for everyone with an open mind and heart.

It really is a book for everyone - as we do all have life battles, big and small...

It's lovely to hear that some things you may already be doing are also working for others, other things will make you think 'I could do that, sounds good!'.

Brilliant bit of work by Jill Stark...and thanks to her for being open about her life, her ups and her downs...

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent reference tool for those struggling with some form of health issue, primarily mental health but I suspect this would also be beneficial for those struggling with physical health. It has been written and designed to allow quick reference and low key motivation for when you are in the midst of whatever issue or struggle you are in covering the simplest tasks such as making the bed and brushing your teeth to the more complex ones such us asking for help when you need it.

[Danica Midlil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful!

[Ayat · Rating 4 out of 5]

خفيف 💗💗.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Life advice that feels good.

I appreciate this book and will put some of it into practice.

[Mrs. Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am so sorry but how did this make it through a publishers office and get printed?

How it starts: it’s ok to cry...

In the middle: don’t do drugs...

The end: don’t be perfect, just be you...

Absolutely nothing tangible or insightful in this gas station advice booklet.

Book #41 of 2021

[Giovanna Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Covid read. Or should that be Covid pick me up? Just what I needed - it's short bursts of things that you can do to get through 'when you're not ok'. Practical, and I like that the things are small - not huge challenges - don't need that right now! Heck, here in Lockdown 2.0 in Melbourne you can't leave the house. This is a good refresh, I'll buy a copy to keep. It's always good to revise when you're not ok. She's honest, no gobbledegook - practical and non preachy - AMEN!!!

[Anoudhs · Rating 3 out of 5]

كتاب مسلي و خفيف و لطيف استمتعت بقرائته 👍🏽

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful, calm, and occasionally silly. A big help so far. 😊

[Miriam Downey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read my full review here: http://mimi-cyberlibrarian.blogspot.c...

This little hardback book of wisdom came while I was reading Get Your Life Back for my church book group. Stark has formulated a series of beautiful meditations to help those of us who are dealing with all kinds of anxieties, both real and existential. I used several of the pages as I led the group. Here is the writeup.

“This is a self-care manual for the days when you feel alone — the days when you worry that you’re too weird or broken or unfixable to be normal. With compassion, humour, and honesty, Jill offers signposts to help you find the path back to yourself. Whether you’re having a bad day, or a run of bad days that seems never-ending, When You’re Not OK is an emotional first-aid kit for your body, mind, and soul, written by someone who’s been there too.”

Some of the writings are a page or two, some a paragraph, some just a sentence. They all cause the reader to pause and regroup. Many of the bits of advice are similar to those of Eldridge in Get Your Life Back, but Stark is very concise. Her meditations could be read during the “one minute pause.”

Here is a lovely page. “Dance. Like no one’s watching. Whenever you can. Wherever you can. It’s good for the body, but more importantly, it’s good for the soul. Dance the way you did when you were a kid. Cut loose. Let your body move whichever way feels comfortable. Just dance.”
The other day, I picked up my grandchildren to bring them to my house for afternoon online school. My 9-year-old granddaughter was frantically trying to gather up her things, plus the things she wanted to play with. My 8-year-old grandson couldn’t get his shoes and socks on. Their mom had to get back online to teach her next class. Everyone huffed and puffed out of the house, with my granddaughter yelling at her brother. When we got in the car, I stopped, calmed myself, and then demonstrated deep breathing for them, and told them how to pause to get things better. Then I said, “It will take us about 5 minutes to get back to Grandma’s house. We are not going to talk on the car ride, and you are going to practice deep breathing. When we get to the house, everything will be ok." Sure enough, the children bounded out of the car, set up their computers for afternoon school, and everything was calm, peaceful, and happy.

The Library Journal review says that When You’re Not OK is a “handy, feel-good volume of tips and advice for contented living.” It would be a delightful stocking stuffer for a dear friend or family member.

[Morven · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical, common-sense, usable tips for when you're stressed out or down.

At then end of her introduction, she states that this book won't "encourage you to ignore your reality" or "patronise you with platitudes." Later she explains that you don't have to deny your feelings or "fake it until you make it," and that "it may feel counterintuitive at first, but if you ditch the affirmations and lean into the chaos, you'll be surprised how things will shift."

Some of her suggestions? Cry loud and often. (She even suggests designating a position and place "most suited to letting it all out.") Accept sh*tty days; they happen. She suggests typical positive activities, too, like meditating, being in nature, finding quiet, asking for what you need. A big one? Turning off the news: "You can't change the world if you're too overwhelmed to act. Give yourself permission to switch off now and then."

For pick-me-ups, she recommends making a list of movies or shows that "you can rely on to cheer you up or tune out on the difficult days." (Hers is "Ru Paul's Drag Race." Mine is googling "Damn you, autocorrect!")

It's not going to make your life 100% different, but if you're struggling with the world state of affairs and just need something to give you a little push, try it. You may be surprised how much a short book can help.

[Meagan (she/her) · Rating 4 out of 5]

While mainly consisting of commonsense tips and suggestions, they are still helpful, especially when a reader feels helpless or hopeless. If someone is deep in the weeds of depression or anxiety, these short pages can help a reader to focus on implementing one idea at a time or easily flip through until they see one that catches their eye.

If you’re a regular reader of self help, you’ve seen all this before. What I found better about this one is that it’s a tiny book that doesn’t require a time or attention commitment to draw out the information. Each page has a large purple suggestion to catch your eye, and below it is information about why it helps and how to implement it. Easy to use if you’re in the throes of depression or anxiety, without needing to bury your nose in it. If you suffer from either of these, you know how hard it can be to focus. Overall, it’s a great starter toolkit.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great little “feel better/fix yourself upper” book! Instead of a longer chapter, self-help type book, it just offers small suggestions that ANYONE can benefit from. Baby steps! Love the easy to implement solutions and the fact that unlike other self help books, you don’t have to stop, complete writing assignments or do homework. I love the gratitude list idea. I’ve heard similar suggestions before but the thought of writing three things down that you are thankful for at bedtime seems very appealing to me. What a great idea! You’re three things don’t have to be monumental like “your child survived a life-threatening disease or you survived cancer or a near fatal accident. It can be as simple as a wag from your dog’s tail or a the existence of the chocolate chip cookie. There’s always something to be thankful for, for sure. Think I may buy this book (a library book) in multiple copies and gift them to people who struggle with mental health issues like I do at times.

[nevrstopsmilin · Rating 5 out of 5]

✨ READ THIS BOOK! ✨
seriously. find a (quiet) spot and just soak it in.

let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling.

shitty days. accept them. they’re not a character flaw or a sign you’re going backwards. you’re having a bad day, not a bad life.

let you’re thoughts breathe.

does it matter? if that thing you’re freaking out about won’t matter this time next week, next month, or next year, it probably doesn’t matter.

listen to the rain on the roof. just listen.

banish guilt. it’s not selfish to schedule in a whole afternoon to do nothing but read a book or watch your favorite tv show. it’s an act of replenishment. downtime often restores you to tackle the stuff you find hard to face.

remember... you are enough. just as you are.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up Stark's little pink book off the new nonfiction shelf at the library. The subtitle "a toolkit for tough times" describes this book perfectly -- Stark offers no-nonsense tips to support you during a rough patch. This is the perfect book to keep a copy of on the shelf for any time you need loving and practical support. The book is divided into 9 sections. and each bit of advice is only a few short sentences. I love that Stark doesn't overwhelm us with personal stories and lots of data. This is straight and to the point, with many short sentences that make it highly digestible even during the foggiest of brain days.

[Meghan L · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a nice beginners type of book for people struggling with tough times. Lots of really great advice on how to come out of the other side, or just survive another day. While much of it is quite basic, it's a good compilation of reminders for old hat depression, with new ideas that I hadn't considered as coping skills. I think this would be a useful book for anyone to keep in the bag, desk, or bedside table to flip through on a hard day for a reminder of what can help. The author is cheeky but lovely in her speaking to the reader.

[Cherlynn | cherreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The fastest track to insanity is trying to convince yourself everything is ok when really it’s not."

A quick but illuminating read. I mean, I'm sure we already know most of the stuff mentioned but sometimes it helps to have a reminder. I also like how the book acknowledges that sometimes the usual cliches that people preach (e.g. stay positive, recite daily mantras etc) are pretty much useless. I would recommend this to everyone regardless whether you are going through a tough time or not.

More quotes here.

"Trying to get your validation and self-worth from external sources is like pouring water into a leaky bucket. There will never be enough to feel you up."

"If that thing you are freaking out about won't matter this time next week, next month, or next year, it probably doesn't matter."

[Chella]

If I were the sort to own books (I know; don't judge me - #minimalist), this might be a useful little thing to have around. For some reason (though, in retrospect, I have no idea why), I was expecting something funny or witty. Instead, it was a list of simple and practical actions/thought processes that could be used to combat depression, anxiety, and other bad mental states. Though I did not read this while in a bad mental space myself, I am quite familiar with those places, and many of the tips made me think to myself, "Hmm, yes, that would be helpful, probably."

[Lisa Burris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Journalist and anxiety sufferer Jill Stark offers up the book of affirmations and advice on self-care. Rather than offering platitudes, When You're Not OK gives bite-sized pieces of information to deal with anxiety, depression, and self-worth. One such gem is about overscheduling yourself and seeing that as a mark of success.of this, Stark says, "Your value is not based on your calendar." Stark writes in a "just between us" style and, although she admits that she is not a licensed mental health counselor, her advice is practical and easily adopted.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so refreshing! She is so real about how you may feel, and how she has felt and still feels sometimes. She realizes it's not a 1 size fits all solution. She also puts it out there that the worst is when people want you to "just be happy" and get on their "if you think positive you will live and be positive" mantra. She is understanding and gives a lot of solutions on how to start loving-or at least being nice to yourself- and how to stop being your own harshest critic. Perfect length, not too wordy as well.

[Bronwyn Tasker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book found me on the right day and pleased to report I read it cover to cover in the bath with a wine. A tough week but loads of tips to dog ear and go back to day in day to remember some good things when you are just not ok. Anxiety can rear it’s head any day and those physical shakes that mine seem to manifest in these days I really do not like - but some good ideas to note in here. Thank you Jill! ❤️🙏🏻❤️

[Gabby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will say that as someone who has dealt with anxiety for a long time there weren't really any brand new, revolutionary ideas in this little book. BUT it was a great little reference guide for when you need a reminder that you can get through anything that gets thrown at you. This would make a great gift book. I really enjoy Jill's rewriting style too, like you are sitting down with her and having a chat.

[Casey · Rating 1 out of 5]

So dissappointing. It started of talking about all the insanely idiotic advice some books give on how to help yourself feel better. I actually like the first chapter. After that it turned into the same trite advice as every other feel good book: make your bed, get up everyday and do something... I read through ch 2, skimmed part of ch 3 thrn gave up for good. Horrid little book with no new ideas, advice, or help. 🙁🙁🙁

[Naomi Briton · Rating 3 out of 5]

A simple collection of bite sized pieces of advice for the days when it all seems too much.

As someone who has read a lot of mental health based writing, this book at times felt simple and more rooted in common sense. Nevertheless, it is full of little reminders that even the most seasoned mental health reader/battler needs to be reminded of occasionally.

Super quick read, less than one hour ebook form.

[Caffers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This caught my eye last time I visited the library so I checked it out.
Good advice for getting through the days, presented in short one page friendly pep-talks.
I found it thought-provoking and would suggest it for some of my even more anxiety-prone friends.
It's divided into groups, such as 'Slow Down' and 'Switch Off' (About limiting social media; that was a good one)
It's only 147 pages and I read it in one sitting. But I think it would be nice to pick up now and again.