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Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated: A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted
A home ripped apart by one spouse leaving reverberates with a host of unanswered questions. Simple answers don’t exist—heartrending complexities do. In the midst of the turmoil, reconciliation may seem out of reach. But there is still hope for those who are willing to fight for their marriages. In this transformative guide, men and women who are separated but hopeful for restoration will discover life-changing truths about God, themselves, and their marriages. Linda W. Rooks explores practical answers for men and women in the midst of a marriage crisis, guiding them step by step toward hope and a positive outcome, even when fighting for the marriage alone. After finding hope, strength, and encouragement for their marriages in Rooks's first book, Broken Heart on Hold , many readers continue on their journeys with new questions as they take the next step. Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated begins where Broken Heart on Hold left off, continuing to guide readers through the labyrinths of separation, this time with practical answers to their questions. From diving into topics such as relationship dynamics and healing, protecting children, and praying for restoration, to deciding on boundaries and learning to live with the same spouse in a new marriage, Rooks illustrates what reconciling and rebuilding a marriage looks like—and how the sweet intimacy of Christ is in the waiting. Through biblical wisdom, the personal experience of navigating toward her own marital restoration after a three-year separation, and eleven years of ministry to marriages in crisis, author Linda W. Rooks offers hope to many who feel hopeless by sharing true stories, practical answers, and Scripture-based truth to guide readers along their journeys toward wholeness.
- GenresMarriage
192 pages, Paperback
Published February 25, 2019
62 people are currently reading
50 people want to read
About the author
Linda W. Rooks
4 books8 followersLinda W. Rooks is the award winning author of Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated (March 2019, New Growth Press), winner of the Golden Scroll Non-fiction book of the Year Award for 2019.
Her debut novel, released in August 2022, is Pieces of Dark, Pieces of Light, a futuristic international thriller that spans two continents to weave together a captivating international suspense thriller in which family secrets and forgotten dangers from history resurface in the future.
Linda is also the author of Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, (June 2006, David C. Cook) and The Bunny Side of Easter (2015 Papa’s Press), a children’s picture book that tells an exciting adventure about the heroism of a little bunny that made him the Easter bunny and the rabbit on the moon.
Like the title of her book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, Linda knows what it's like to fight for your marriage. She and her husband were separated for three years in the nineties. Today, not only is their marriage thriving, but together they lead a crisis marriage class in Central Florida.
Her stories and articles have appeared in a number of national publications including multiple Chicken Soup for the Soul books, Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian Woman, HomeLife, Light and Life, The Lookout Catholic Forester, Preserving Christian Homes, The Orlando Sentinel, San Diego Family Magazine, and several online venues. For 12 years she was a regular contributor to Tapestry, a Walk Thru the Bible devotional magazine for women, and for eight years Linda served in various editorial positions for Center Stage Magazine, a Central Florida Arts and Entertainment publication. She is a contributing author to Love is a Verb by Gary Chapman and Bethany House’s Angels, Miracles, and Heavenly Encounters.
Linda is listed in Who’s Who of American Women, Who’s Who in America, and Who’s Who in the World. She has participated in numerous radio and television interviews across the North American continent, is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA), Christian Author’s Network (CAN), American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), and is a founding member of Word Weavers, the premier international Christian writers critique group. She and her husband are Resource Members on the Troubled Marriages Team of the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM)
Linda received a B.A. in Creative Writing from San Francisco State University. She and her husband Marv now live in Central Florida, have two married daughters, and five grandchildren. Her husband Marv is a professor at Barry University School of Law.
Linda’s TV and radio interviews that describe more about Linda’s books and life can be found at her website.
Her debut novel, released in August 2022, is Pieces of Dark, Pieces of Light, a futuristic international thriller that spans two continents to weave together a captivating international suspense thriller in which family secrets and forgotten dangers from history resurface in the future.
Linda is also the author of Broken Heart on Hold, Surviving Separation, (June 2006, David C. Cook) and The Bunny Side of Easter (2015 Papa’s Press), a children’s picture book that tells an exciting adventure about the heroism of a little bunny that made him the Easter bunny and the rabbit on the moon.
Like the title of her book, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated, Linda knows what it's like to fight for your marriage. She and her husband were separated for three years in the nineties. Today, not only is their marriage thriving, but together they lead a crisis marriage class in Central Florida.
Her stories and articles have appeared in a number of national publications including multiple Chicken Soup for the Soul books, Focus on the Family, Today’s Christian Woman, HomeLife, Light and Life, The Lookout Catholic Forester, Preserving Christian Homes, The Orlando Sentinel, San Diego Family Magazine, and several online venues. For 12 years she was a regular contributor to Tapestry, a Walk Thru the Bible devotional magazine for women, and for eight years Linda served in various editorial positions for Center Stage Magazine, a Central Florida Arts and Entertainment publication. She is a contributing author to Love is a Verb by Gary Chapman and Bethany House’s Angels, Miracles, and Heavenly Encounters.
Linda is listed in Who’s Who of American Women, Who’s Who in America, and Who’s Who in the World. She has participated in numerous radio and television interviews across the North American continent, is a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA), Christian Author’s Network (CAN), American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), and is a founding member of Word Weavers, the premier international Christian writers critique group. She and her husband are Resource Members on the Troubled Marriages Team of the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM)
Linda received a B.A. in Creative Writing from San Francisco State University. She and her husband Marv now live in Central Florida, have two married daughters, and five grandchildren. Her husband Marv is a professor at Barry University School of Law.
Linda’s TV and radio interviews that describe more about Linda’s books and life can be found at her website.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
July 2, 2019
I hate that I am commenting on this book, because I never thought I would be in the place of even needing to read this book. But to every season in life God has a purpose. This book is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I read from it almost daily, even though I am done reading it. It has helped me in so many ways. God uses the pain that the author, Linda Rooks, went through to help others who are in similar situations. She helps you to remember what your focus should be in this tornado/hurricane/EARTHQUAKE of pain and emotions. Thank you Jesus for Linda and this book. Also, thank you Lord for hearing our cry out to you, for ALWAYS being there, and for transforming our hearts.
Focus on you and your sins. How have you let the world and Satan form you? Open your heart to change, to a demolition and reconstruction. Allow the sin in your heart and mind to be ripped out and allow Gods word and presence to fill and overflow those areas.
Focus on you and your sins. How have you let the world and Satan form you? Open your heart to change, to a demolition and reconstruction. Allow the sin in your heart and mind to be ripped out and allow Gods word and presence to fill and overflow those areas.
April 8, 2019
While this book does contain practical and general counsel for those going through a marriage separation, it lacks robust biblical counsel at times. Its counsel does include much talk about God but talk about the gospel and its implications on hope for a marriage currently facing separation is found lacking.
See full review at: http://www.entrustedbygod.org/2019/04...
See full review at: http://www.entrustedbygod.org/2019/04...
September 5, 2019
It’s not just a book about restoring a marriage where there is presently a separation. As important as that is tiny manual is far bigger than that. Linda W. Rooks, author, Resource Member on the Troubled Marriages Team of the Association of Marriage and Family Ministries (AMFM), and leader of a marriage reconciliation ministry in Central Florida, has given a hopeful hand to many whose marriages are disarrayed and desperate in her 176 page paperback, “Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated: A Practical Guide for the Brokenhearted.” Though this little guide has marital separations in mind, much of the material applies to those whose spouses are shackled to addiction, who are abusive, or adulterous. But it is also useful for those who simply desire their marriages to be healthier and never fall off the cliff.
Rooks takes her readers, men and women, through the various stages and traps that accompany a limping or broken marriage. She deciphers the ploys a “remaining” spouse will be tempted to play, the maneuvers the leaving person may likely employ, as well as the traps that await both parties if they’re not watchful. The author conducts us through the various parts of the path: from separation, through present relationship, to friendship, and then potential reconciliation. But she does this discerningly and wisely, such as, forgiveness and trust are not identical, and so forth. Many of her categories are meaningful, like discussing those who are overbearing in a marriage, and those who are passive; or the difference between letting go and giving up. All her material is buttressed by plentiful real-life examples and personal stories. What adds muscle to the volume is that Rooks and her husband walked through this vale of tears in their own three-year separation many years back and have surfaced on the other side.
“Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated” should be in the libraries of every Christian minister and counselor. But those who are married, divorced, separated, or thinking about getting married will find valuable resources between these covers. It is easy to read, and substantive. Not only do I highly recommend the book, I have just handed off my copy to a person whose marriage is in serious trouble because I earnestly think they will find sustenance and support from its pages.
My thanks to New Growth Press who willingly handed me a copy of this volume at our denomination’s General Assembly in June 2019, when I asked for it. They laid down no stipulations. Therefore, the evaluations presented herein are mine, freely made and freely given.
Rooks takes her readers, men and women, through the various stages and traps that accompany a limping or broken marriage. She deciphers the ploys a “remaining” spouse will be tempted to play, the maneuvers the leaving person may likely employ, as well as the traps that await both parties if they’re not watchful. The author conducts us through the various parts of the path: from separation, through present relationship, to friendship, and then potential reconciliation. But she does this discerningly and wisely, such as, forgiveness and trust are not identical, and so forth. Many of her categories are meaningful, like discussing those who are overbearing in a marriage, and those who are passive; or the difference between letting go and giving up. All her material is buttressed by plentiful real-life examples and personal stories. What adds muscle to the volume is that Rooks and her husband walked through this vale of tears in their own three-year separation many years back and have surfaced on the other side.
“Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated” should be in the libraries of every Christian minister and counselor. But those who are married, divorced, separated, or thinking about getting married will find valuable resources between these covers. It is easy to read, and substantive. Not only do I highly recommend the book, I have just handed off my copy to a person whose marriage is in serious trouble because I earnestly think they will find sustenance and support from its pages.
My thanks to New Growth Press who willingly handed me a copy of this volume at our denomination’s General Assembly in June 2019, when I asked for it. They laid down no stipulations. Therefore, the evaluations presented herein are mine, freely made and freely given.
November 19, 2019
Deb’s Dozen: Pray, Don’t Beg, and Don’t Crawl—They May Come Back After All.
Linda Rook writes from experience. Over twenty years ago, she and her husband separated for three years. Now, they’ve been married fifty-one plus years total. Her first book, Broken Heart on Hold—Surviving Separation, told of her pain and of her gaining peace. That her effective techniques are demonstrated by their long-term marriage and that they share a ministry—Marriage 911.
I found Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated insightful and packed with nuggets of great advice. I learned most people in this situation do the wrong things: cry, beg the spouse to come back, blame themselves, etc., and do so in the worst possible ways.
Linda advises staying silent at first, taking time to react to the new situation, figuring out how the relationship dynamics have changed, and exchanging negative communication patterns for positive ones. She tells the reader asking for help demonstrates caring, that you need to protect your children and let them know the separation was in no way their fault, and being willing to let go.
Although I’ve not been in Linda’s situation, I found many of the tips helpful to keep marriages strong. My husband and I, for example, have had to work hard to fine tune our communication styles so we aren’t misunderstood by the other.
I had the opportunity to interview Linda at the Munce Christian Product Expo (CPE) last August. Born in Iowa, but her family moved to California where she grew up. Formerly an officer in the Navy, her husband now practices law—they live in Florida. She majored in Creative Writing and San Francisco State University and worked for a time at ABC, then as an English teacher. Her love was writing, but she had to wait for God’s timing to embark on that journey.
Her husband left her after their children grew up and left home. They’d grown apart, had different interests, and basically different lives. They kept issues inside and didn’t resolve them. Bitterness and resentment had intensified between them until he left.
Linda told me she was devastated and did many of the wrong things at first. But she learned the lesson hope is eternal—even if you have to fight for your marriage alone.
I highly recommend Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated to anyone with marriage concerns or problems, or who have separated from their spouses. You will be encouraged in your journey.
The author gifted me with a copy of her book, but I was in no way obligated to write a review.
Linda Rook writes from experience. Over twenty years ago, she and her husband separated for three years. Now, they’ve been married fifty-one plus years total. Her first book, Broken Heart on Hold—Surviving Separation, told of her pain and of her gaining peace. That her effective techniques are demonstrated by their long-term marriage and that they share a ministry—Marriage 911.
I found Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated insightful and packed with nuggets of great advice. I learned most people in this situation do the wrong things: cry, beg the spouse to come back, blame themselves, etc., and do so in the worst possible ways.
Linda advises staying silent at first, taking time to react to the new situation, figuring out how the relationship dynamics have changed, and exchanging negative communication patterns for positive ones. She tells the reader asking for help demonstrates caring, that you need to protect your children and let them know the separation was in no way their fault, and being willing to let go.
Although I’ve not been in Linda’s situation, I found many of the tips helpful to keep marriages strong. My husband and I, for example, have had to work hard to fine tune our communication styles so we aren’t misunderstood by the other.
I had the opportunity to interview Linda at the Munce Christian Product Expo (CPE) last August. Born in Iowa, but her family moved to California where she grew up. Formerly an officer in the Navy, her husband now practices law—they live in Florida. She majored in Creative Writing and San Francisco State University and worked for a time at ABC, then as an English teacher. Her love was writing, but she had to wait for God’s timing to embark on that journey.
Her husband left her after their children grew up and left home. They’d grown apart, had different interests, and basically different lives. They kept issues inside and didn’t resolve them. Bitterness and resentment had intensified between them until he left.
Linda told me she was devastated and did many of the wrong things at first. But she learned the lesson hope is eternal—even if you have to fight for your marriage alone.
I highly recommend Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated to anyone with marriage concerns or problems, or who have separated from their spouses. You will be encouraged in your journey.
The author gifted me with a copy of her book, but I was in no way obligated to write a review.
April 17, 2019
If you are in the midst of a challenging marital situation where you and your spouse are currently separated, it can be difficult to feel hope for the future most days, but Linda W. Rooks wants you to know that:
You are not alone…
It’s time to charge into battle.
Together, we are going to fight for your marriage.
In Fighting For Your Marriage While Separated: A Practical Guide For The Brokenhearted , Linda shares her story and the stories of others who have successfully navigated their way through the murky waters of marital separation and their biblical tips for finding your way back to one another and to resolving your differences – even in circumstances like hers where her husband walked out on her and swore there was no chance they would ever get back together again.
Linda does not whitewash her experiences – she acknowledges that each marriage presents its own unique set of circumstances and challenges to work through – but she also knows there are a lot of things that we can do (even though they won’t be easy to facilitate the process), including giving our spouses the time and space they need to figure things out, setting limits, and trusting God for whatever happens.
Not every marriage will have a fairytale ending, but reading this book and employing some of Linda’s hard-earned wisdom may greatly tip the scales in your favor.
I originally published this review on my blog. To read more of my reviews, please visit Create With Joy.
You are not alone…
It’s time to charge into battle.
Together, we are going to fight for your marriage.
In Fighting For Your Marriage While Separated: A Practical Guide For The Brokenhearted , Linda shares her story and the stories of others who have successfully navigated their way through the murky waters of marital separation and their biblical tips for finding your way back to one another and to resolving your differences – even in circumstances like hers where her husband walked out on her and swore there was no chance they would ever get back together again.
Linda does not whitewash her experiences – she acknowledges that each marriage presents its own unique set of circumstances and challenges to work through – but she also knows there are a lot of things that we can do (even though they won’t be easy to facilitate the process), including giving our spouses the time and space they need to figure things out, setting limits, and trusting God for whatever happens.
Not every marriage will have a fairytale ending, but reading this book and employing some of Linda’s hard-earned wisdom may greatly tip the scales in your favor.
I originally published this review on my blog. To read more of my reviews, please visit Create With Joy.
January 27, 2020
Linda Rooks' book, Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated, is excellent because she continually brings everything back around to focusing on God and your personal relationship with Him in the midst of your brokenness. She even makes it clear in chapter 1 that feelings change, and circumstances have great affect on us--these are the reasons we NEED to focus on God! I really appreciate the layout of each chapter, as it gives personal stories (from Rook's life and the lives of others), and then shares how to seek out God and His plan within it, followed by practical application. This book is a great resource to use for Biblical Counseling, and I would also recommend that a person who is in a marriage that COULD lead to separation be proactive--read the book now, and begin putting into practice Rook's suggestions.
*I received a copy of this book from the publisher, but was under no obligation to write a review. My honest opinion has been provided without any requirement to write a positive review.
*I received a copy of this book from the publisher, but was under no obligation to write a review. My honest opinion has been provided without any requirement to write a positive review.
July 19, 2019
If I had read this book during my own separation, I would have had a life raft of hope, real-world encouragement, and much-needed boundary building tools. This Christian book is an invaluable resource for any husband or wife, currently estranged from his or her spouse, who wants godly wisdom on how to proceed.
Linda W. Rooks does not give easy answers or false promises. She presents the entire gamut of emotional responses, based on her own experience of being separated for over three years. Best of all, she offers solid advice on how to handle all of those emotions with grace and self-control. If you have a hurting friend and don’t know what to say, simply give him or her this resource. By doing so, you may change your friend’s life forever.
Favorite quote:
“What you focus on expands.”
I received a preview copy of Fighting For Your Marriage While Separated from Netgalley.
Linda W. Rooks does not give easy answers or false promises. She presents the entire gamut of emotional responses, based on her own experience of being separated for over three years. Best of all, she offers solid advice on how to handle all of those emotions with grace and self-control. If you have a hurting friend and don’t know what to say, simply give him or her this resource. By doing so, you may change your friend’s life forever.
Favorite quote:
“What you focus on expands.”
I received a preview copy of Fighting For Your Marriage While Separated from Netgalley.
October 27, 2023
I just really hated the end when the women tells a story of how God was doing something different rather than restoring her marriage, she claimed he was saving her. I just feel like she was making excuses for God. If God has called you to fight for your marriage…you really think He’d give you less than what is in alignment with His word? Just rubbed me the wrong way. I want to be in a place where I’m 100% content with just God, but I don’t want to feel obligated to make up a story to make me and others around me feel better about a long wait on God.
I actually put the book down around the reconciliation chapters for obvious reasons, but upon picking it back up, I discovered it lacked strong biblical stance and briefly referred to someone else’s work, basically giving more reason why someone would want to get divorced. Just doesn’t make sense to me considering the audience…
I actually put the book down around the reconciliation chapters for obvious reasons, but upon picking it back up, I discovered it lacked strong biblical stance and briefly referred to someone else’s work, basically giving more reason why someone would want to get divorced. Just doesn’t make sense to me considering the audience…
Read
April 11, 2022Am Benita I and my partner used to fight a lot like everyday, we loved each other but our likes started changing, I almost let go buy something happen when I sat down and had a review on how I can bring back peace into our relationship on a site seeing a lot of people discussing about solution temple who help with the same problem I was passing through I contacted him and had a chat with him for peace restoration because I was really tire of fighting, A spiritual prayer was done on my partner by priest Adu which totally restore the peace back to normal that I have praying over a long period of time. thank God everything worked out again we don’t fight anymore since the intervention of priest Adu. am out here to show my gratitude and share his contact as-well {solution-temple.webnode.com}
April 23, 2023
It’s hard to know how to rate this book, because I’m not it’s target audience. This is for a devout Christian reader.
I’d hoped to mine it for practical secular tips, and there were some, but the core of this book is that Jesus is the answer, which doesn’t resonate for me. So I didn’t really like it, but it has been a companion and source of comfort this week, so maybe I did.
I’d hoped to mine it for practical secular tips, and there were some, but the core of this book is that Jesus is the answer, which doesn’t resonate for me. So I didn’t really like it, but it has been a companion and source of comfort this week, so maybe I did.
December 6, 2024
As someone who is recently separated, this book provided me a lot of comfort and encouragement. There are lots of good details on how to work on yourself and some answers to things you might expect to go through during this time. As I work through this process I will continuously reach to this for reference and hope.
December 20, 2024
Helpful
I am going through a separation right now and currently have a restraining order on my husband. This book helped me so much. I need to break the cycle we were in and turn to Jesus. I am praying for marriage reconciliation but before we can have that, my husband and I need to be reconciled to God, our Father.
I am going through a separation right now and currently have a restraining order on my husband. This book helped me so much. I need to break the cycle we were in and turn to Jesus. I am praying for marriage reconciliation but before we can have that, my husband and I need to be reconciled to God, our Father.
January 18, 2020
I appreciate the personal testimonies of how God can heal the brokenhearted. My life is not about my husband, it is about me and God. I am ready to move forward in confidence in my new life whether or not God reconcile my marriage.
October 3, 2023
So good! WOW! Lots to process, but so many gems in this book!
August 22, 2020
I decided to read this book not because it was something that I was personally dealing with but a topic that I wanted to explore and understand. The author was new to me but the publisher is one that I know and have been encouraged by their books.
This book applied to me in ways I didn't think. It really challenged me in my relationship with my son. It had great application beyond your marriage.
I highly recommend the book and as I read it via ebook would love a copy for my shelf.
This book applied to me in ways I didn't think. It really challenged me in my relationship with my son. It had great application beyond your marriage.
I highly recommend the book and as I read it via ebook would love a copy for my shelf.
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May 1, 2019In Linda W. Rooks’ book, Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated – A Practical Guide for the Broken-Hearted*, she tackles the difficult circumstances when one spouse has left or has asked for a divorce or separation. Although I’m not in this situation, I appreciated her constant reminders that marriage is not really about you and your spouse – it is about you and God. And references to God appear a lot in this book. There is an assumption that the reader is a Bible-believing Christian or at least open to the idea of becoming one. While it is heavily faith-based, much of the advice offered here would be appropriate and applicable for anyone.
All throughout the book, Rooks cautions the reader that we need to have the right hearts when dealing with our spouses. We cannot take a stance to emotionally manipulate each other nor act purely on a surface level when it comes to our faith. In order for there to be real change in yourself or in a relationship, you must be sincerely committed to God and ready to submit to Him completely. Rooks speaks from experience as she and her husband went through a 3-year separation before restoring their relationship. She points out that there is no guarantee that a marriage can be saved just because one, or even both, of the spouses commits themselves to fighting for the marriage. The guidance and suggestions she offers will go far in improving your chances, but it is only God who can heal broken hearts and salvage a relationship.
I found it helpful that Rooks opens each chapter with a real-life problem, comment or question from someone else whose marriage is struggling. I’m always a skeptic with topics like this, and these true-to-life snippets lend a credibility to Rooks’ experience and remind the reader that they are not alone in their suffering and confusion. The examples come from both men and women who have fought for their marriages, trying to apply the approaches laid out in the book. Rooks does a good job of making sure that neither sex comes across as the “bad one.” She recognizes that women are just as likely to request a separation as men and neither sex is exempt from making poor decisions that affect the relationship. Rooks also goes out of her way to intermix her use of the terms “mate,” “partner,” and “spouse,” so even people who may not be legally married won’t feel excluded by the book.
Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated, like the title suggests, assumes the reader WANTS to fix the relationship. It’s important to note that Rooks doesn’t offer much in the way of discussion in determining whether it’s healthy or advisable to remain in the relationship. Aside from briefly addressing the issue of spousal abuse, she doesn’t delve deep into healing oneself of childhood or other latent traumas. If you have decided to fight for your marriage, Rooks offers clear, practical suggestions for what that can look like in real-life. She covers communication with your spouse, self-care, counseling, helping your children, and navigating the murky waters of subsequent relationships. Perhaps even more helpful, though, she walks you through every stage of separation with compassion– from those first days after a spouse leaves or mentions divorce, to becoming friends, to dating, to living together again, and beyond.
As a most-of-the-time happily married woman, I found the chapter on marriage counseling really helpful! We have tried counseling in the past and, to be honest, it was awful. I felt like my concerns went unheard and the counselor simply had an agenda she followed regardless of what the couple said or needed. It was NOT a positive experience for me and after only a few sessions, we didn’t go back. Nor did any of our issues get resolved or improve. After reading Rooks’ book, I saw where we had gone wrong. I had never thought to “interview” the counselor to see what their stance on marriage was or what approaches they used. I had never thought about whether the counselor, though certified, would be able to accurately assess a relationship and recognize that there were actually THREE elements that needed to be tended to: husband, wife, AND the marriage. I was taking notes on this chapter and re-thinking if we should try counseling again, with a different counselor.
As an attorney who has walked families through the divorce process, I found the chapter on Children to be right on point. It is so easy for a parent to vent their anger, frustration, confusion, fear, or grief onto their children. Even those parents who are more mindful can unintentionally contribute to their kids’ anxiety during the separation or divorce. Rooks gives helpful and practical insights into dealing with your kids. Her own daughter writes a portion of the chapter, talking about her parents’ separation from her own point of view and her professional experience counseling other kids through similar situations.
Overall, I feel like this book was more helpful for ME than I expected it could be! I had the privilege to review it and, although I’m not the anticipated audience, it still struck a nerve. Rooks’ constant emphasis on our desperate need to connect with God – intimately, regularly, and intentionally – will encourage any reader to deepen their spiritual relationship. It’s true that our human relationships – even in a good marriage – will fail us, cause us pain, and never provide the soul-deep satisfaction we all crave. Only God can meet us in the depths and offer us a never-ending, all-abiding, ever-satisfying love.
* Read my full review at https://www.inspiredtofaith.com/2019/...
* I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts.
All throughout the book, Rooks cautions the reader that we need to have the right hearts when dealing with our spouses. We cannot take a stance to emotionally manipulate each other nor act purely on a surface level when it comes to our faith. In order for there to be real change in yourself or in a relationship, you must be sincerely committed to God and ready to submit to Him completely. Rooks speaks from experience as she and her husband went through a 3-year separation before restoring their relationship. She points out that there is no guarantee that a marriage can be saved just because one, or even both, of the spouses commits themselves to fighting for the marriage. The guidance and suggestions she offers will go far in improving your chances, but it is only God who can heal broken hearts and salvage a relationship.
I found it helpful that Rooks opens each chapter with a real-life problem, comment or question from someone else whose marriage is struggling. I’m always a skeptic with topics like this, and these true-to-life snippets lend a credibility to Rooks’ experience and remind the reader that they are not alone in their suffering and confusion. The examples come from both men and women who have fought for their marriages, trying to apply the approaches laid out in the book. Rooks does a good job of making sure that neither sex comes across as the “bad one.” She recognizes that women are just as likely to request a separation as men and neither sex is exempt from making poor decisions that affect the relationship. Rooks also goes out of her way to intermix her use of the terms “mate,” “partner,” and “spouse,” so even people who may not be legally married won’t feel excluded by the book.
Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated, like the title suggests, assumes the reader WANTS to fix the relationship. It’s important to note that Rooks doesn’t offer much in the way of discussion in determining whether it’s healthy or advisable to remain in the relationship. Aside from briefly addressing the issue of spousal abuse, she doesn’t delve deep into healing oneself of childhood or other latent traumas. If you have decided to fight for your marriage, Rooks offers clear, practical suggestions for what that can look like in real-life. She covers communication with your spouse, self-care, counseling, helping your children, and navigating the murky waters of subsequent relationships. Perhaps even more helpful, though, she walks you through every stage of separation with compassion– from those first days after a spouse leaves or mentions divorce, to becoming friends, to dating, to living together again, and beyond.
As a most-of-the-time happily married woman, I found the chapter on marriage counseling really helpful! We have tried counseling in the past and, to be honest, it was awful. I felt like my concerns went unheard and the counselor simply had an agenda she followed regardless of what the couple said or needed. It was NOT a positive experience for me and after only a few sessions, we didn’t go back. Nor did any of our issues get resolved or improve. After reading Rooks’ book, I saw where we had gone wrong. I had never thought to “interview” the counselor to see what their stance on marriage was or what approaches they used. I had never thought about whether the counselor, though certified, would be able to accurately assess a relationship and recognize that there were actually THREE elements that needed to be tended to: husband, wife, AND the marriage. I was taking notes on this chapter and re-thinking if we should try counseling again, with a different counselor.
As an attorney who has walked families through the divorce process, I found the chapter on Children to be right on point. It is so easy for a parent to vent their anger, frustration, confusion, fear, or grief onto their children. Even those parents who are more mindful can unintentionally contribute to their kids’ anxiety during the separation or divorce. Rooks gives helpful and practical insights into dealing with your kids. Her own daughter writes a portion of the chapter, talking about her parents’ separation from her own point of view and her professional experience counseling other kids through similar situations.
Overall, I feel like this book was more helpful for ME than I expected it could be! I had the privilege to review it and, although I’m not the anticipated audience, it still struck a nerve. Rooks’ constant emphasis on our desperate need to connect with God – intimately, regularly, and intentionally – will encourage any reader to deepen their spiritual relationship. It’s true that our human relationships – even in a good marriage – will fail us, cause us pain, and never provide the soul-deep satisfaction we all crave. Only God can meet us in the depths and offer us a never-ending, all-abiding, ever-satisfying love.
* Read my full review at https://www.inspiredtofaith.com/2019/...
* I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts.
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