The Blessing: A Memoir

by Gregory Orr

"The inadvertent shooting death of his brother by poet Orr gives this memoir a god-awful specific gravity and spurs the author's search for ways to live on…Here, the old and new meanings of 'blessing' - to sprinkle with blood, to confer spiritual power - harrowingly collide." - Kirkus Review

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Poetry, Coming Of Age, Autobiography, Biography, Writing

256 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2002

About the author

Gregory Orr was born in Albany, New York in 1947, and grew up in the rural Hudson Valley. He received a BA degree from Antioch College in 1969 and an MFA from Columbia University in 1972.

He is the author of more than ten collections of poetry, including River Inside the River: Poems (W. W. Norton, 2013); How Beautiful the Beloved (Copper Canyon Press, 2009); Concerning the Book that is the Body of the Beloved (2005); The Caged Owl: New and Selected Poems (2002); Orpheus and Eurydice (2001); City of Salt (1995), which was a finalist for the L.A. Times Poetry Prize; Gathering the Bones Together (1975) and Burning the Empty Nests (1973).

He is also the author of a memoir, The Blessing (Council Oak Books, 2002), which was chosen by Publisher's Weekly as one of the fifty best non-fiction books the year, and three books of essays, including Poetry As Survival (2002) and Stanley Kunitz: An Introduction to the Poetry (1985).
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/...

Reviews

[Jenni Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

I once read that memoirs are testimonies of survival, or something to that effect. If the author can live through that, we can survive our sufferings, too. And so, I can't help but think of my favorite memoirs as gifts, as blessings.

At Glen Workshop East in South Hadley, MA, this summer, I perused the delicious tables of books set up by Warren Farha of Eighth Day Books. I asked what he recommended and he named this book. "Gregory Orr is a beautiful man," he said. "His memoir is excellent, and it is harrowing. I finished reading it in two days."

If you know Warren, you will read anything he recommends. And after hearing Gregory Orr (also a critically acclaimed poet) speak at the Glen Workshop, I was astounded by his grace, his gentleness, his humor, his strength. His memoir is harrowing because his past was harrowing. But thanks to a friend, poetry, and art, he can recall the chaos of his life as "the blessing."

I'm beginning to think that poets write some of the best memoirs. Read this one and see if you agree.

[Sam Ging · Rating 5 out of 5]

"that was my own vague longing: to be lifted up out of the earth and in to the light."

what begins is as the tragic accident that caused the death of his younger brother Peter, turns into a spectacular meditation on what it means to grieve and grow, and why this marvelous poet feels the need to create.

Gregory Orr has been my favourite poet since I read a poem from his collection "Concerning the Book that is the body of the beloved."

"To be alive: not just the carcass
But the spark.
That's crudely put, but...

If we're not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?"

[Lanette Sweeney · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is no doubt this memoir is gorgeously and poetically composed, so I know I am in the minority here, but I had some issues with it. Even though Orr was a child when he accidentally shot and killed his little brother, he seems to take no responsibility for the way he shot backward and blindly over his shoulder when he had been trained to take more safety measures before firing the gun. From there, I feel his poetic language obscures a deeper examination of his actual feelings. I did appreciate the passages in which he wished to be held and soothed, wished someone could talk to him about what had happened; the silence that falls over the family and then the other events that seem to happen out of nowhere are presented in a way that captures well a child's confusion as events beyond his control swirl around him. However, as a mom who lost her son, I didn’t feel he ever convinced me that his brother's death was in any way a blessing. Poor kid(s).

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This powerful memoir falls into the category of surviving childhood with crazy parents, making me think of Tara Westover's Educated or The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls. Orr writes with piercing, plain spoken clarity about growing up in a family with a free-wheeling, reckless father and a distant, unreachable mother during the fifties and sixties. His defining moment happened as a 12-year old when his father took his four young sons hunting. A horrible accident left his younger brother dead, and the author feeling like Cain who had killed his brother. Pain and existing dysfunction enveloped the family leaving them unable to talk about their loss or reach out to one another with compassion and forgiveness. Here he tells the reader how he came out on the other side of his grief and guilt to eventually live with joy. Writing poetry became his vehicle of expression and healing.

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The themes in this book aren't gentle. It is incredibly obvious that Mr. Orr is. It's not just his words that have a poetic beauty about them. It's something about the author himself that draws you in. Somehow, despite it all, a stubborn gentleness in him persists. I want to read more of his books just to draw near to gentleness personified.

[Mintaka · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in one sitting. Unbelievably scouring and precise and painful and beautiful. What can we do but hold out our hand in the dark?

[Laila · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was beautiful! I had been meaning to read Orr's poetry but came across the memoir first and I am so glad that whenever I do read his poetry next I will have this context to hold with me forever. So much tragedy and so many reflections and so much clarity!

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written, tragic, fascinating. In addition to the tragedy at the book's core, this story includes compelling glimpses into the author's time living in Haiti as a boy and being arrested as a teenager volunteering with the Civil Rights movement in the South. My only criticism is that I wish it had been about 50 pages longer and allowed us to better glimpse the arc of the author's movement toward healing.

[Angie]

Heartrending. Orr is a poet: the writing in his memoir is beautiful. He artfully weaves references to mythology which lends to his story an epic quality--Orr and his father each taking turns at being the tragic hero. I loved the beginning for its language and the characterization of his parents. I thought the pacing was strange in the section about his teenage/college years--maybe this was deliberate: a sort of metaphor for those years (?).

I wish that he would have spent more time reflecting on how the horrible accident and sad details of his childhood shaped him as an adult. Like other reviewers, I wish he would have written more about his siblings. However, this would all be outside of the scope of his tightly, but beautifully wound narrative.

[Alan · Rating 5 out of 5]

In THE BLESSING, Gregory Orr's younger self struggles with guilt caused by the accidental death of his brother. But this alone frames the story too simply. Orr reveals a life transformed by internal monologue and mythology, with the intent of evaluating his position in the universe. Orr is most well known for his poetry and this memoir reads with a deliberate eye on pacing and structural efficiency. Reading THE BLESSING from a poet's perspective, I found Orr's insights into the functions of poetry especially sharp, and his integration of mythology and heightened metaphor to echo his own range of experiences enviable. THE BLESSING is an expertly crafted memoir, which could act as a gateway into memoir for poets or other writers who may be otherwise inexperienced in the genre.

[Patricia Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege of working with Greg at a writer's conference, and his careful kindness comes through in life as it does in his writing. I especially appreciate how he is able to reflect on how the accident affected all aspects of his life--how he carries it with him in his daily life. Most of us live with a moment like that in our pockets. Greg describes it in a careful, insightful way.

[Anne Pinkerton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful personal family story about the long arc to overcoming serious loss. Vibrant characters with complex dynamics and the beautiful writing you would expect from such a talented poet.

[T.J. Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gregory Orr is a poet, and this is a poet's memoir. It is heartbreaking, and full of violence, but it is narrated by a poet, and "go gently" is his watchword. It is also the story of how Orr came to be a poet; how a 'thread of poetry' became a rope and led him from a darkness of the soul. Grief and loss form the axis of the memoir, which is composed in very short chapters that feel like distinct episodes, almost as if the reader is paging through an album of photographs, the narrator's hindsight layered over them like a wry patina.

Orr's personality is striking throughout—he renders an earlier version of himself as a conflicted, guilt-ridden youth, a leaf on the brutal gale of his father's drug-addled whims. Then, when he does eventually depart from his family, he is visited by even further violence and torment—some of the most horrifying scenes of police brutality I've read in quite some time.

It has now been a week since I finished this, and it still lingers in my mind. It's even inspired me to begin excavating some of my own memories of trauma, holding them up to the light to see if I, too, can find the poetry in them. I can think of no higher a recommendation than this, a book which is a celebration of the power of poetry and an inspiration for others to perhaps do the same. Yesterday, my husband told me that a creatively-minded coworker had stated to him (in what I believe to be a false dichotomy) that "poetry's aim is pleasure," and whereas I think this is an interesting statement, I do not think it is entirely true. I think that Orr, with this memoir, proves otherwise. Poetry can sometimes immure you in its maze, but it can also guide you out of labyrinths, and this memoir is a steady hand on your shoulder throughout that journey.

[Debbie Hagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

At age twelve, Gregory Orr kills his younger brother in a deer hunting accident. His life is shattered through shame, loss, and grief. Though his father is a country doctor, he' reckless, flamboyant, drives expensive race cars, pops amphetamines, and keeps a young girlfriend on the side. Orr doesn't receive counseling after the accident. His parents don't talk about it. The horror and tragedy of that day remains bottled inside, as young Orr views himself as the Biblical Cain who slays his younger brother Able.

The title "The Blessing" makes this appear to be a spiritual book, which it is, but not in a Biblical sense. It's a story of Orr's struggle through family difficulties, including a move to Haiti, and trying to redeem himself later in life by going to the South, becoming a civil rights activist, where he is kidnapped and nearly killed. When that redemption proves to be a failure too, Orr sees his only escape appears as suicide. When he's reached his lowest, he finally discovers himself.

This is a beautiful book, lyrical and deeply moving. Through metaphors and poetry, Orr shows the power of the human spirit to overcome even the worst tragedy one might face, accidentally killing one's younger sibling and having to live with that guilt. It's a beautifully written, powerful book.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerful and painful story to read of the author's life. When he was 12 years old, he accidentally shot and killed his younger brother in a hunting accident.
He tells us how that horrible tragedy forever changed his life and the lives of his parents and siblings. Gregory's parents had a colourful and untraditional relationship with each other and with their children. His mother was distant and unreachable. It broke my heart to hear him say how much he needed to be held, hugged and comforted after the hunting accident and his mother was not able to do any of this. His parents seemed to be irresponsible and restless, although it was evident that they did care for their children. His father had grandiose ideas that sent them moving to different places, including a year in Haiti where his mother died mysteriously in the hospital.
Gregory got involved with the Civil Righrs movement in the South and experienced serious trauma including being kidnapped and spending time in a sinister jail.
But always, the guilt of his brothers death followed him and haunted him until he eventually discovered a healing power through art and especially through writing poetry.
A very compelling life story.

[Jeff Garrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Last year I learned of Gregory Orr through his book on reading and writing poetry. I enjoyed it so, that I picked up one of his many books of poetry. Still intrigued, I checked out this memoir.

Orr tells the story of his first eighteen years through a series of short vignettes. The chapters tend to be short, some only a few hundred words. Through the telling of these stories, the author gradually reveals what drew him into art and especially poetry.

Reading the story of his young life, I found myself amazed that he survived. When the author was 12, he accidently shot and killed his younger brother in a hunting accident. We later learn (as he later learned), his father had also accidently killed a friend after they had “borrowed” a 22 rifle and was using it to “skeet shoot” paper plates. Obviously, such trauma continues to influence the author. But there were more bumps along the road. His father, a physician, supposedly to save the family, took them all to Haiti in the early 60s. There, he worked in a clinic where, following a simple surgery, his mother died of an infection. Afterwards, his father married a much younger woman to whom he had had an affair before moving to Haiti. His father, who seemed to be a devoted doctor who worked ungodly hours in rural New York, lived on amphetamines. He even gave an industrial size jar of such tablets to his son when he dropped him off at college. The memoir ends after Orr’s first year of college, when he headed South as part of the Freedom Riders who worked for Civil Rights. He was young and naïve and twice found himself in a dangerous situation which required his rescue by his father’s friend, an attorney.

It doesn’t appear Orr and his family were very religious. Orr recalls they occasionally attended a Dutch Reformed Church. However, this book is steeped in Biblical metaphors, especially around the accidental death of his brother. Orr sees himself as Cain, who after killing his brother Abel is protected by God. He too feels protected (even the investigating officer said it was an accident and doesn’t handcuff him). But he also feels guilty and unable to deal with the guilt. Later, as he writes this book, he learns of the guilt his brother had over the killing. His brother had not prepared for a test and prayed there would be a way he could avoid taking it. He, too, carried guilt, as he found the answer to his prayer (not having to take the test that day) to be horrific.

As a memoir, this book doesn’t contain everything about the author’s early life. While he mentions becoming involved with the Civil Rights movement, I found myself looking for a stronger link as to why he decided to spend a summer in Mississippi and Alabama. However, that doesn’t distract much from what I consider an excellent memoir.

This is a fast book to read. I started it one night and finished it the next afternoon. I do recommend this book and before I preach on Genesis 4 again (the story of Cain and Abel), I will reread much of this book.

[Menno Beek · Rating 5 out of 5]

If there were six stars, I might be tempted to give them when reviewing this one.: it's only a slim volume, with a grim premise, how the poet accidentally shot and killed his brother when they were like eight and ten years old, and how his drug ridden father, a doctor, abducted the family for a crazy year long stay on Haiti, and how he lost his mother and found poetry and how he was saved by knowing that making something that will last will give you meaning if you think all meaning is lost, but this slim volume makes great reading, because there is smart thinking in it and there is comfort in it. I don't know the mans poetry, but I ordered a volume.

[Shaun Deane · Rating 4 out of 5]

A difficult one to rate. The number is not meaningful in this case. A few years before I started writing my own book, I wrote to Greg Orr, as someone had given me one of his poems and it struck a chord. Kindly, he replied and was encouraging about my writing. Now, having read this memoir, I will contact him again, and, send him my own. Because of the nature of trauma, there are connection points in our two unrelated books. There are many moments and feelings that he described that are oh so familiar.

[AJ Nolan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful memoir of his youth, especially of six traumatic years from when he accidentally killed his younger brother, Peter, at the age of 12, up to when he was 18 and was beaten and traumatized by the police in the South while volunteering during the summer for the Civil Rights Movement. Don't worry, these aren't spoilers. The memoir isn't so much about what happened to him, but about the internal journey within.

[Claire Delia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, of course. I read this for a creative nonfiction workshop course, and it was nice to see CNF expanded into something longer -- 209 pages -- rather than flash essays. I understand that this is a memoir, but it's clear that it stemmed from the death of his brother, and that focal point seemed to dissipate as the novel continued. I feel as though I critiqued this rather than indulged in it.

[Nancy Glass · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the 2019 re-released version of the book. I had happened upon the story the narrator tells, and I had read some of his poetry, so I wanted to read this book. It is a compelling story of loss and silence and a lifetime of grief never too far from the surface. We didn't know at the time of his family's crisis how to help children through such a loss, but it is still sad how his family suffered. Orr's language is charged and poetic and kept me reading straight through.

[Lisa LaCarrubba · Rating 3 out of 5]

Compelling read

Based on the nature of the subject matter, I never would have read The Blessing if it wasn't for a book club. The story itself is a mixture of heart breaking and uplifting. However, even more special is the writing style. Mr. Orr is clearly a poet and his writing is mezmorizing.

[Beatriz · Rating 5 out of 5]

there's no better word to describe this book than "haunting". life after a traumatic can be incredibly lonely and painful and orr captures it in such a raw, melancholic way. i'm really glad i got the chance to read his memoir.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do you make of tragedy and trauma?

This is an incredibly beautifully written book. I frequently wonder how to redeem my past and make my life about more than my trauma. This book gives me one example. Beautifully written and will be one of my favorite books this year.

[Ron Christiansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Orr is ferociously honest and believes against all odds that through words he can make meaning out of loss and death. And he does. I'm amazed.

If one listed the heart-breaking and traumatic events of his life, few would imagine he would survive intact and no one would imagine this book.

[Emily Strauss · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent memoir. It was cogent and hung together to present a clear end point. It explained the writer's life history, his tragic accident, and how he learned to live beyond it. It also showed his genesis as a poet. Lovely language and quite moving.

[Erika Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Orr's descriptions of grief and trauma, experienced as a child, were profoundly recognizable to me. A beautiful and concise memoir of a 6-year period in the author's life.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Orr survived more in his first 20 years of life than you can even imagine. A beautifully told memoir.

[Lucinda Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly a Blessing

Books can bless.I have just discovered Gregory Orr, and am hoping he lives a long life with much more poetry and prose.

[Flor]

This was a tough read, for its content, but I wouldn't miss it if you are an Orr reader.