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Expert Expatriate: Your Guide to Successful Relocation Abroad--Moving, Living, Thriving
This book not only covers the practical aspects of relocating; it enters unchatered territory, laying emotional and cultural groundwork to help the expatriate thrive.
- GenresTravelNonfictionCultural
270 pages, Paperback
First published February 20, 2002
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
July 8, 2024
This is the most relatable book about moving I've ever read. Although it's outdated, a lot of the information still stands true. While we've learned most of this from personal experience over the last 13 years, I still enjoyed reading different perspectives and pocketing bits of advice that I'd like to test for myself. I wish there were more anecdotes because those were so fun to read and helped me laugh about some of my own embarrassing situations while living overseas.
I have to disagree with the section "informing children about the move" and feel entitled to do so since we've moved to 11 different homes, have 3 young children, and this is our third time hauling our belongings across an ocean. While the book advised telling a 1yo a week before the move, 8yo old two months in advance, etc and staggering according to age-- I think this works contrary to the author's earlier advise of telling your children about the move before an outside source does. Moving overseas is an ORDEAL with lots of moving parts, constant communication, and months of preparation (if you're lucky to have ample notice). It's easier to prepare as a family. As soon as our orders to anywhere are official, we tell our children. We pack special backpacks filled with entertainment and snacks that hang in their closet, building anticipation for a couple months. This time, we bought cameras and journals so our older two could fill them with memories from our previous and current station (the book has great suggestions for this. We bought fujifilm cameras). We've spent ample time acknowledging worries, easing fears, and building enthusiasm. I loved the author's lifeboat analogy used later to describe the first few months in a foreign country-- it feels a little isolating and you have to rely on each other. I'd like to add to this analogy: Use your time before the move to start building your lifeboat and inviting your family members to hop in. Packing can get chaotic and time-consuming, so this lifeboat feeling might start before you even board the plane.
I was so worried when our family was watching Bluey together in our hotel room, and this particular episode emphasized the sadness of moving and celebrated their last minute decision NOT to move. When the dad ripped out the For Sale sign, my jaw dropped. I even questioned my parenting decisions for a second and felt overcome with guilt. Then my eldest daughter said, "Aw, they'll never know what it's like to have an adventure."
I also disagree with arriving two weeks before starting school for the sake of avoiding boredom or loneliness. Get involved with your community and appreciate the family time to bond, settle in, and explore the area. I love a solid schedule and dearly miss our routine, but it's easier (and less stressful) to learn to navigate your new area when you have the flexibility to get lost and make mistakes. Also, I much prefer getting my entire house unpacked and organized before committing to sports, church callings, etc. Your child is very capable of making friends outside of school, it's just going to take more effort and planning on your part.
I'm glad the author discusses how moving back and visiting home can be harder than moving away. I wish someone had warned me as a new military wife, but this took years to learn. People you love build a life without you in it, and it's quite a squeeze to try to fit back in. I remember the first time I tried to help with a birthday after being away-- someone stopped me from making cookies because so-and-so makes the cookies. Then I volunteered to make cake, but so-and-so was supposed to make the cake. Then I tried to make rolls, but it was already someone's "job" to make rolls! It happens every time I visit home (in different forms), and this is super annoying, but how it is. Make peace with not having a "role" among your friends and family before someone else reminds you that you've stepped out of place. Show up with the intention of having a good time and finding joy in seeing those you miss. This situation even happened with MY child's birthday celebration. Here's my advice. Make the cake anyway! People you love might be disgruntled that you rocked their little boat, but don't let their minor discomfort get in the way of your joy to be home. It's human nature to settle down into doing the same thing, but it's an expatriate/military spouse's nature to bloom where you're planted. I knew I would find joy in baking my child's cake for her birthday, and my children would be overjoyed to decorate and choose the flavors, so even though it meant overstepping a sibling's "assigned role," I did it anyway.
Another lesson I've learned is that while you build a support system overseas, you kind of lose it when you're back home. Your absence might be translated as a lack of caring. Instead of trying to "save" old friendships and family members who feel this way, I've found that the best relationships will pick up right where you left them. Those people feel like home, like you've never left at all.
This is all normal, and honestly those are the relationships I treasure the most and the ones who will reciprocate your efforts when it's hard for you to arrange transportation (and who also understand when you just need to spend time with your immediate family).
I love that the book discusses some harsh realities of living abroad, like people reacting defensively or even with a hostile attitude when you mention your experiences. I had one aunt say "better you than me" with a sarcastic tone when saying goodbye to her! The overall disdain and rude remarks I get are still shocking, but now I understand that I'm getting lumped into the same group of people who endlessly brag about their fancy vacations. This isn't a vacation, and we often dont have a choice of when/where we go, this is just life. It's difficult, complicated, and sometimes brings me to tears with frustration and homesickness, but I work hard to love it the best I can. I hope other military families can understand that your reality is very hard to relate to, because that's when people tend to misunderstand. I find it easier to relax and fit in when I'm hanging out with other expatriates, immigrants, and other military spouses who have lived abroad because we all understand we're just trying to exchange easy conversation.
I don't know the easy fix with general friends and family, but those who know you best and are invested in your friendship will understand this is just your life.
The conclusion is a must-read.
Overall, highly recommend to anyone moving far from home, and I might even seek out the 2nd edition.
I have to disagree with the section "informing children about the move" and feel entitled to do so since we've moved to 11 different homes, have 3 young children, and this is our third time hauling our belongings across an ocean. While the book advised telling a 1yo a week before the move, 8yo old two months in advance, etc and staggering according to age-- I think this works contrary to the author's earlier advise of telling your children about the move before an outside source does. Moving overseas is an ORDEAL with lots of moving parts, constant communication, and months of preparation (if you're lucky to have ample notice). It's easier to prepare as a family. As soon as our orders to anywhere are official, we tell our children. We pack special backpacks filled with entertainment and snacks that hang in their closet, building anticipation for a couple months. This time, we bought cameras and journals so our older two could fill them with memories from our previous and current station (the book has great suggestions for this. We bought fujifilm cameras). We've spent ample time acknowledging worries, easing fears, and building enthusiasm. I loved the author's lifeboat analogy used later to describe the first few months in a foreign country-- it feels a little isolating and you have to rely on each other. I'd like to add to this analogy: Use your time before the move to start building your lifeboat and inviting your family members to hop in. Packing can get chaotic and time-consuming, so this lifeboat feeling might start before you even board the plane.
I was so worried when our family was watching Bluey together in our hotel room, and this particular episode emphasized the sadness of moving and celebrated their last minute decision NOT to move. When the dad ripped out the For Sale sign, my jaw dropped. I even questioned my parenting decisions for a second and felt overcome with guilt. Then my eldest daughter said, "Aw, they'll never know what it's like to have an adventure."
I also disagree with arriving two weeks before starting school for the sake of avoiding boredom or loneliness. Get involved with your community and appreciate the family time to bond, settle in, and explore the area. I love a solid schedule and dearly miss our routine, but it's easier (and less stressful) to learn to navigate your new area when you have the flexibility to get lost and make mistakes. Also, I much prefer getting my entire house unpacked and organized before committing to sports, church callings, etc. Your child is very capable of making friends outside of school, it's just going to take more effort and planning on your part.
I'm glad the author discusses how moving back and visiting home can be harder than moving away. I wish someone had warned me as a new military wife, but this took years to learn. People you love build a life without you in it, and it's quite a squeeze to try to fit back in. I remember the first time I tried to help with a birthday after being away-- someone stopped me from making cookies because so-and-so makes the cookies. Then I volunteered to make cake, but so-and-so was supposed to make the cake. Then I tried to make rolls, but it was already someone's "job" to make rolls! It happens every time I visit home (in different forms), and this is super annoying, but how it is. Make peace with not having a "role" among your friends and family before someone else reminds you that you've stepped out of place. Show up with the intention of having a good time and finding joy in seeing those you miss. This situation even happened with MY child's birthday celebration. Here's my advice. Make the cake anyway! People you love might be disgruntled that you rocked their little boat, but don't let their minor discomfort get in the way of your joy to be home. It's human nature to settle down into doing the same thing, but it's an expatriate/military spouse's nature to bloom where you're planted. I knew I would find joy in baking my child's cake for her birthday, and my children would be overjoyed to decorate and choose the flavors, so even though it meant overstepping a sibling's "assigned role," I did it anyway.
Another lesson I've learned is that while you build a support system overseas, you kind of lose it when you're back home. Your absence might be translated as a lack of caring. Instead of trying to "save" old friendships and family members who feel this way, I've found that the best relationships will pick up right where you left them. Those people feel like home, like you've never left at all.
This is all normal, and honestly those are the relationships I treasure the most and the ones who will reciprocate your efforts when it's hard for you to arrange transportation (and who also understand when you just need to spend time with your immediate family).
I love that the book discusses some harsh realities of living abroad, like people reacting defensively or even with a hostile attitude when you mention your experiences. I had one aunt say "better you than me" with a sarcastic tone when saying goodbye to her! The overall disdain and rude remarks I get are still shocking, but now I understand that I'm getting lumped into the same group of people who endlessly brag about their fancy vacations. This isn't a vacation, and we often dont have a choice of when/where we go, this is just life. It's difficult, complicated, and sometimes brings me to tears with frustration and homesickness, but I work hard to love it the best I can. I hope other military families can understand that your reality is very hard to relate to, because that's when people tend to misunderstand. I find it easier to relax and fit in when I'm hanging out with other expatriates, immigrants, and other military spouses who have lived abroad because we all understand we're just trying to exchange easy conversation.
I don't know the easy fix with general friends and family, but those who know you best and are invested in your friendship will understand this is just your life.
The conclusion is a must-read.
Overall, highly recommend to anyone moving far from home, and I might even seek out the 2nd edition.
February 17, 2021
I feel bad giving this book such a low star rating based off the fact that this isn't what I was really looking for. This book is written for someone who is being sent abroad for work, not someone who simply wishes to move abroad. While some of the information is helpful for those hoping to just move to another country without being sent there for work, I found some of it unhelpful.
A lot of information shared was "look it up online" which I didn't find particularly helpful. While I understand the purpose considering things are not the same between countries and information is going to be different, I was hoping to get some useful tips in this book.
There was some good information for sure. It just wasn't what I was hoping for or expecting.
A lot of information shared was "look it up online" which I didn't find particularly helpful. While I understand the purpose considering things are not the same between countries and information is going to be different, I was hoping to get some useful tips in this book.
There was some good information for sure. It just wasn't what I was hoping for or expecting.
April 19, 2007
This book was geared more toward temporary relocation abroad with the understanding you would return after a few months or couple of years(government officials, large organizations/corporations). Each chapter addressed rather important points and offered interesting anecdotes, but did not go in to enough detail for those independently organizing their own relocation, or those planning a permanent move.
July 19, 2020
This books has every important resources abotu packing, moving and relocations. Quite helplful when you are planning to move for the first time and have not idea about what to look forward to. used https://www.gatipackersbangalore.com for relocating from Bangalore. Gati Express packers movers bangalore provides packing, and relocation services for local, intercity and international relocation services. This containsa lot of knowledge about relocation and what to expect and not expect from moving to a foreign country. Knowing how to deal with children, teens, pets, and babies. Making new friends that will genuinely help you and not because they have an ulterior motive. If you're moving to a foreign country and not used to relocation, pick up this book. It will give some insight.
May 28, 2012
This is a really helpful primer for preparing for a move abroad and settling in there with checklists, soul searching questions, and realistic advice. It covers many different situations, including moving with kids or pets (not relevant for us). I found the chapter on trailing spouses, with a section specially on trailing husbands, incredibly useful. I do wish that it had some more practical advise for those of us traveling to places where an expatriate group will not be readily available and support for the move from your "sponsoring organization" is limited.
August 31, 2010
Packed with a lot of knowledge about relocation and what to expect and not expect from moving to a foreign country. Knowing how to deal with children, teens, pets, and babies. Making new friends that will genuinely help you and not because they have an ulterior motive. If you're moving to a foreign country and not used to relocation, pick up this book. It will give some insight.
I didn't read the entire book, I just chose several chapters I was most interested in.
I didn't read the entire book, I just chose several chapters I was most interested in.
August 27, 2015
There are not many books out there on this topic, and this is one of the most comprehensive guides I've found. Not every section will apply to everyone, but I found some good ideas in here and will re-visit in the future when I have some problem areas. I do recommend this to anyone moving abroad as a handy reference guide.
April 1, 2012
Absolutely stellar - hands down THE book to read on expatriation (and some repatriation info, too!) regardless on whether you are company supported from a big multinational corporation, or someone who's found a job teaching ESL at a cram school in Taiwan.
October 8, 2014
A guide to moving and living abroad.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews