this is another book that i really wanted to like, and expected to like, but ultimately just had too many problems with.
willow randall was driving her parents home from dinner in a rainstorm when an accident occurred, killing her mom and dad. now she lives with her brother, his wife, and their baby daughter. she goes to a different school and works in the university library to help pay the household bills. she's sure that her brother hates her now; their once easy relationship is replaced by awkwardness as david attempts to take on the role of a father. willow blames herself for the accident and relieves her emotional pain by cutting herself with razor blades.
according to the book jacket, "and then she meets guy, a boy as sensitive and complicated as she is. when guy discovers willow's secret, he pulls her out of the solitary world she's created for herself, and into a difficult, intense, and potentially life-changing relationship."
i couldn't handle guy & willow's relationship. it's all about willow being this tender, vulnerable, delicate girl in pain, and guy feeling the need to protect and save her. after he finds out about her cutting, she begs him not to tell her brother, so guy takes on the responsibility for himself. he's going to heal this girl he barely knows. and ultimately he really does help her, which is great. her cutting slows, she learns to cry and grieve, she talks to her brother and they mourn their parents together. but i just felt so uncomfortable with the fact that it was this high school boy who saves her. he even refers to himself as a replacement for the razor blades:
"Willow." Guy bites his lip. "I'm your lover now...that box of blades can't be your lover anymore, no matter how much they've been there for you in the past" (p 326). errlack!
i don't see this as a beautiful selfless sacrifice for guy to give willow. i find it creepy, especially in the context of a high school relationship. guy and willow have sex for the first time after willow has a breakdown, realizing she's not anyone's daughter anymore and that no one will care for her the way her parents did. again, we have guy trying to fill the empty space of PROTECTOR when willow, drying her tears, tells him she wants to do it.
"But you're so shy." Guy's breath is soft against her throat as he slides her bra off her shoulders. "And you're so vulnerable" (p 298). And then, explaining why he has a condom in his wallet, "I've...had something in my wallet ever since I knew...Well, ever since I hoped that there would be a time when I would need to...protect you like this....We'd already talked in the stacks, and I knew you were different from any other girl I'd ever met. And then you told me that your parents were dead, and I thought that you were so...lost and vulnerable" (p 299-300). errlack!
i'd rather see willow empowered to stop on her own, or with the help of some great non-romantic friendships. it makes me shudder to think of teen girls reading this and hoping that a boyfriend will solve their problems and take away their pain.
there's also this weird love affair that hoban has with her main character-- third person, present-tense narration, and willow's always talking about how complicated and difficult she is, and everything is all her fault, and she doesn't deserve anything good. but hoban's writing is clearly saying, no, willow is a poor tortured treasure of a saint. look at her tender and vulnerable pain! poor willow! poor dear beautiful willow! ugh.
i did appreciate the realistic portrayal of cutting, but my overall impression was frustration.