Hoping This Cold Blue Water Scrubs Me Clean and Spits Me out Again

by phantasmagoria

Fandom: One Direction (Band)
Relationship: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
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"Stay," Harry whispers desperately, pressing his lips to Louis' temple like he can somehow ease the pain that's blooming there, but he can't make the pain stop and no matter how hard he tries he can't make Louis stay.

Words: 17857

Genres: Fan Fiction, LGBT, Romance, Gay, Queer

61 pages, ebook

Published December 9, 2017

Reviews

[alealeale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreak weather, but the weather is silent

[Laybe★♥︎ (Taylor's Version) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I thought it would be a good idea to read it in one sitting, I can't stop shaking and crying and ohmygod even my ass hurts

I finished yesterday but my update is that I still feel pain and can't stop thinking about the child scene

[Smiltė · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story that made me cry the hardest. It left me utterly crushed, it gave me a new outlook on love as something so delicate and elegant but robust and vigorous at the same time. Highly suggest reading it

[Ronan!¡ · Rating 5 out of 5]

go on, cry

[Melissa De Cunto · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have cry in fanfic before but never like this from the very beginning to the very end.

[Yuna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this a couple month ago, in one sitting, just two hours. It broke me, like totally broke me. That's it

[Jojo · Rating 5 out of 5]

All Payne no Liam

[Virginia · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was painful.

[Chiara Celine · Rating 5 out of 5]

OUCH.
BIG FAT OUCH.

[Michelle (myfavoritechapter) · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Red days are for Harry and Harry only"


why did i do this to myself again?

I read this back in 2020/2021 and it shattered my heart into a million pieces. I thought I would reread it as "it can't possibly hurt as much when I read it a second time" but boy was I wrong. I'm in pain. My head hurts from crying too much. My eyes sting. My heart feels like it's been pulled from my ribcage and shredded into a million tiny pieces before being set on fire.

Definitely recommend

(Also still not over the: "I can't wait to hear all about it" ... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??!!!)

[onlythebrave · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book broke me and by the end I was a crying mess. It is honestly the most heartbreaking book I have ever read and even the thought of it now makes my eyes water. The writing is seriously good and even thought each chapter is very short, the effect is *chefs kiss*

[Luisasophiia · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars
On Wattpad

[Sonia Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sad but amazing was crying for 3 Hrs

[tai · Rating 5 out of 5]

heartbreaking.

[Ishika Dhupar · Rating 5 out of 5]

The way I cried my eyes out during the entire thing. Pls sit with a tissue box while reading

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you ever need a good cry here you go

Ich liebe diese Story. Es ist so gut im Deutsch und im englischen und echt leicht zu verstehen. Würde es am liebsten nochmal zum ersten Mal lesen …

[Fer ִֶָ☾ ࣪⋆ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just wanted a little nostalgia, got wrecked instead 😃👍

[Athena · Rating 5 out of 5]

this broke me so much i couldn't even cry
god

[anothercrazybooklady · Rating 4 out of 5]

holy shit, how could you do this to me. that was no fun at all, because it was so heartbreaking. cried like crazy.

[Maalika · Rating 1 out of 5]

Personally, I thought this was incredibly well written and very easy to read, unfortunately I did not like it at all. Perhaps I should not have read it considering I knew what was to come. I’m unsure if it was written before Louis’ mum actually passed away but I think in terms of sensitivity towards Louis himself and his personal struggles with death and cancer in particular it was quite frankly awful. It was so beautifully written and although I did not enjoy reading this I know it is a favourite of many. I do not think romanticising cancer works well for a story line. Cancer is a real problem and people face it everyday, I will not deny the fact that this is a very good story but I would not read this again and purely because of Louis’ and Harry’s personal struggles with cancer I did not enjoy it that much.

[Tessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautifully traumatizing. It’s heartbreakingly written and still really good. But beware, after I finished it, I couldn’t look at the real Louis the same for weeks. I couldn’t think about headaches the same. It’s especially hard to read for hypochondriac people I suppose. But read it, the pain is really worth it.

[kait ☆ · Rating 5 out of 5]

You don’t even need to like one direction to read, because by the end you will be gut-wrenchingly sick to your stomach and laying in a pool of your own tears. I swear I was sobbing so hard I almost puked. I don’t care this is a fanfiction. It’s a masterpiece that guarantees you sob your eyes out.

[Javi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pucha que sad, lei una versión traducida no muy buena y por eso no entendí bien todo lo que pasaba, pero igual que penita.

[Renske · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this a while ago, damnit, broke me and I don't think I'll ever recover from it.

[arlet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liam in payne but the L is silent

[Maya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished it and I m honestly a shaking ugly crying mess.

[diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars and a broken heart.

Maybe this doesn’t really count towards my reading goal because it’s literally 61 pages but I don’t even care.

I wouldn’t consider myself an avid reader or bookworm, but I have read my fair share of books, fanfictions, or even news articles. But, out of my 12 years of literacy (assuming I knew how to read at 3), this story was the saddest thing I’ve ever read.

Sorrowful, devastating, melancholic, heartbreaking.

All these synonyms for sad and none of them even begin to describe this story. I think I sobbed for a solid 5 minutes even after reading it. It’s so sad that it’s good, you know? So memorable. I wouldn’t hesitate to read this again if I needed a good cry. Which I did, so that may be the reason why I love this story so much. Even if it may not be factually correct (i don’t even know, i’m not a doctor), it’s just so real and you can really FEEL all the emotions. A robot could read this and it would still cry.

The worst part is that I had no clue what this story was actually about. I had high expectations considering this story is extremely popular on Twitter, but goodness gracious, they failed to warn me about how beautifully traumatising this story is.

I highly recommend this to anyone that doesn’t mind getting their heart getting stabbed repeatedly by a knife made of words. However, if you have experience with losing a loved one through cancer or any unexpected means, this story may be too much for you, and I do not wish to be the reason that anyone requires therapy.

The story really isn’t that long, it takes about 30 minutes to read. Give it a chance, you won’t regret it.

[Isabelle Couture · Rating 5 out of 5]

I normally struggle to find myself emotionally attached enough to cry about things I read, but this had me sobbing alone in my room at 1am. It was so well written! I’ve never read anything else like this, and I don’t know if I’ll find anything like it again. Maybe I’ll turn to this fic the next time I feel like I need a good cry :)

[Магдалена · Rating 5 out of 5]

:')

[Nandalicios · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored how much this hurt. Great fiction.