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The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution
Women in America experience far less sexual pleasure than men. What is to be done?
For every three orgasms an American man has, studies show, a woman has one. Up to 40 percent of American women experience the sexual malaise clinically known as low sexual desire. For too long, this deficit has been explained in terms of women's stress, age, or poor body image. In The Pleasure Gap, Katherine Rowland rejects the idea that women should settle for less. We should take inequality in the bedroom as seriously as we take it in the workplace and understand its causes and effects. Drawing on extensive research and interviews with over one hundred women and sexual health professionals, Rowland argues that the pleasure gap is neither medical malady nor psychological condition but rather a result of our culture's troubled relationship with women's sexual expression. This provocative exploration of modern sexuality makes a case for closing the gap for good.
For every three orgasms an American man has, studies show, a woman has one. Up to 40 percent of American women experience the sexual malaise clinically known as low sexual desire. For too long, this deficit has been explained in terms of women's stress, age, or poor body image. In The Pleasure Gap, Katherine Rowland rejects the idea that women should settle for less. We should take inequality in the bedroom as seriously as we take it in the workplace and understand its causes and effects. Drawing on extensive research and interviews with over one hundred women and sexual health professionals, Rowland argues that the pleasure gap is neither medical malady nor psychological condition but rather a result of our culture's troubled relationship with women's sexual expression. This provocative exploration of modern sexuality makes a case for closing the gap for good.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published February 4, 2020
82 people are currently reading
1719 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
January 7, 2022
I hadn’t heard of this one, but was browsing “skip-the-line” library options when it’s cheeky cover grabbed my attention! 👀 A necessary, if sometimes uncomfortable, look at female pleasure. Very science-y, and reminiscent of Mary Roach’s “Bonk,” but lacking the sporadic humor. While interesting enough, this one could’ve used some personality. Either way, both titles conjure “Trish the Dish” from “Mallrats,” and I’m not mad about it.
October 13, 2022
This was AMAZING! It was open and honest and I’m going to recommend it to every woman I know.
Edit: after taking to many people of a variety of sexualities and genders I need to switch this up a little bit. This book was open and informative and I would like anyone who owns or has any plans of interacting with a vagina to read this book. It is so good that I bought my guy friend a copy and he gave it to his roommate and so forth. This book very well may change the way you look and think about sex. This is a necessary read
Edit: after taking to many people of a variety of sexualities and genders I need to switch this up a little bit. This book was open and informative and I would like anyone who owns or has any plans of interacting with a vagina to read this book. It is so good that I bought my guy friend a copy and he gave it to his roommate and so forth. This book very well may change the way you look and think about sex. This is a necessary read
August 6, 2020
This one was a lot more science, studies and information than I expected but on audio it was pretty good. I feel like if I had read the full book I might have skipped some pages with facts and figures on.
February 21, 2025
This book is not as scholarly as I was hoping it would be. It reads something like an extended news report on the subject in question (which is a style of writing which has its own merits). The author sets out to argue that the sexual revolution, bringing about the liberation of women, is incomplete. For, though women are now acquiring more freedoms and equalities than ever, they are still unequal Im relations to the obtaining of what they desire sexually and the attaining of sexual pleasure. The author discusses a number of issues in relation to women’s health, sexuality, the nature of desire, sexual abuse and rape, cultural influences, biological aspects, and the wide variety of so-called solutions to the “problem” (she considers whether or not it is a real problem) of “female frigidity” (Freud in the background) and the loss of desire.
This book, though it doesn’t delve deep into some of the philosophical aspects of sexuality and the nature of the female, brings to the forefront à number of prominent 20th century philosophical claims about women, gender, and sexuality, including: the claim that women view their sexuality through the lens of “the Patriarchy”, the role of “power structures”, and that desire is fundamental and determinative of your identity.
One of the most common themes throughout the whole book is the influence of sociology-cultural norms upon how women think, act, desire, and experience life and their own sexuality. It is worth noting, she doesn’t point fingers at, for example, Christianity. Rather, a close reading of her text (in relation to her claims) suggests that if there is a “culprit” behind the social-cultural norms that are affecting women today, it is the combined influence of Victorian era prudishness and Freudian theories about the nature of the female and female sexuality (which have been imbibed by 20th century culture in general, including Christians). She also considers how other causes may contribute to low or declining libido, including abuse/violence related trauma, illness, etc. She considers a number of solutions to low libido (some of which are immoral, some of which could be perfectly acceptable), but, my reading of this text sees her as proposing a “wholistic” solution, engaging body and soul.
This book, though it doesn’t delve deep into some of the philosophical aspects of sexuality and the nature of the female, brings to the forefront à number of prominent 20th century philosophical claims about women, gender, and sexuality, including: the claim that women view their sexuality through the lens of “the Patriarchy”, the role of “power structures”, and that desire is fundamental and determinative of your identity.
One of the most common themes throughout the whole book is the influence of sociology-cultural norms upon how women think, act, desire, and experience life and their own sexuality. It is worth noting, she doesn’t point fingers at, for example, Christianity. Rather, a close reading of her text (in relation to her claims) suggests that if there is a “culprit” behind the social-cultural norms that are affecting women today, it is the combined influence of Victorian era prudishness and Freudian theories about the nature of the female and female sexuality (which have been imbibed by 20th century culture in general, including Christians). She also considers how other causes may contribute to low or declining libido, including abuse/violence related trauma, illness, etc. She considers a number of solutions to low libido (some of which are immoral, some of which could be perfectly acceptable), but, my reading of this text sees her as proposing a “wholistic” solution, engaging body and soul.
March 20, 2020
3.5 stars, rounded up.
This book really does explore all the different ways women can experience pleasure and, by contrast, be inhibited from experiencing pleasure. The author thoroughly researched different sexual avenues, including the avenues of sex coaching, kink, and consensual nonmonogamy.
I guess when I picked this book up I was ultimately looking for concrete steps and tips for overcoming sexual displeasure. But this is not a self-help book. It's more of an explorative piece of literary journalism that looks into all the different avenues catering towards women's sex lives and how to better them. So if you want to learn more about the world of sexual betterment through a critical lens, this is the book for you.
I will say that I feel like this journey of sexual self-realization seems to cater mostly to affluent white women. The workshops this author attended are crazy expensive, and the therapeutic services discussed are not easily attainable or necessarily affordable, assuming one has good health insurance. The book aims to shed light on all the anger and abuse women have suffered most of their lives, which then manifests itself in sexual disfunction, pain, and/or numbness. But to be honest, towards the last half of the book it felt like a whole lot of navel gazing.
The idea of using empowerment to communicate and advocate for yourself in the bedroom is prevalent in most sex guides, and that's what this book ultimately ends up saying as well. And while it's great that so many women have found a new zest for sex after going through all these seminars and classes, what about those of us who can't afford such lavish help? Where is the practical, realistic training?
A part two for those of us with no money, please.
This book really does explore all the different ways women can experience pleasure and, by contrast, be inhibited from experiencing pleasure. The author thoroughly researched different sexual avenues, including the avenues of sex coaching, kink, and consensual nonmonogamy.
I guess when I picked this book up I was ultimately looking for concrete steps and tips for overcoming sexual displeasure. But this is not a self-help book. It's more of an explorative piece of literary journalism that looks into all the different avenues catering towards women's sex lives and how to better them. So if you want to learn more about the world of sexual betterment through a critical lens, this is the book for you.
I will say that I feel like this journey of sexual self-realization seems to cater mostly to affluent white women. The workshops this author attended are crazy expensive, and the therapeutic services discussed are not easily attainable or necessarily affordable, assuming one has good health insurance. The book aims to shed light on all the anger and abuse women have suffered most of their lives, which then manifests itself in sexual disfunction, pain, and/or numbness. But to be honest, towards the last half of the book it felt like a whole lot of navel gazing.
The idea of using empowerment to communicate and advocate for yourself in the bedroom is prevalent in most sex guides, and that's what this book ultimately ends up saying as well. And while it's great that so many women have found a new zest for sex after going through all these seminars and classes, what about those of us who can't afford such lavish help? Where is the practical, realistic training?
A part two for those of us with no money, please.
November 4, 2020
This book is awesome in the way it discusses the sexual revolution being not just about sex, which is why for women it is unfinished. We have come a long way, but there is still a long way to go.
February 26, 2020
I’m not quite sure how to rate this book. The NPR feature on the book made it sound interesting, and like something I could benefit from reading. The final chapters of the book seemed to form an apologia for open relationships and polyamory to best bring about enjoyable sex for women, but I don’t think the majority of people (myself included) would ever seen such arrangements as ideal, given the multiplicity of other factors one must contend with in these arrangements. The earlier chapters were more profound—even hard to read—because they held inattentive men (the author focused more on heterosexual sex) responsible for their partners’ dissatisfaction. Women may well view sex as a “chore” or “responsibility” that’s only occasionally pleasurable because of inattentive partners; or, they might find it intolerable because they don’t yet know what feels good, after being socially conditioned to disconnect from their bodies. Either way, the book makes a good case that only attentive and patient partners can help make sex pleasurable. Nevertheless, my WASP values made this a fairly uncomfortable read, because...well...there were >0 instances of the P word, and I was legitimately scandalized each time.
May 26, 2021
I had to skim the last half of this book as I was reading it for a uni assignment not for pleasure. Having said this is a fascinating case study of female sexuality and the empty promises of the sexual revolution
Overall,
⭐⭐⭐⭐
Overall,
⭐⭐⭐⭐
April 25, 2021
I read this for a book discussion group. It's obviously for allosexuals, but since it was published in 2020 I anticipated a sentence or paragraph acknowledging aromantics and asexuals. Nope. It's not only entirely allosexual but also mostly heterosexual, especially about married straight couples.
Fuck the DSM-5. Asexuality is an orientation, not some fake disorder called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Stop pathologizing aces. Okay, actually, the author seems dubious about the legitimacy of this nonexistent disorder, but even then she doesn't bring up asexuality.
For all that, it's an interesting book. I like that it's very sociological. It's good that there's a chapter about assault and rape and how trauma from such experiences can affect women's attitudes toward sex and relationships.
The book sometimes felt like a collection of magazine articles. The authorinterviews various people (therapists, sex therapists; sex coaches, etc.) who have different perspectives and approaches to the book's main topic. These interviews and hands-on research are what feel like articles. I wouldn't be surprised if variations on some chapters were originally published in magazines.
Page 159: "overweight" is bs. That fatphobic word implies that someone is supposed to be a different, lesser weight. Just say fat or stout.
Page 179: Grrr, Victoria Woodhull was a suffragist, not a "suffragette." This has developed into a pet peeve of mine. The latter was an insulting term coined by an anti-suffrage male reporter. The suffragists who embraced the term "suffragette" were militant 20th century suffragists such as the Pankhurst family.
Also, Victoria Woodhull wasn't necessarily advocating open relationships or polyamory; her idea of free love was women being able to divorce easily and as often as they wanted. She got divorced twice, but Victorian Americans (including suffragists) didn't consider her respectable, and she exiled herself in England.
I like this former dominatrix:
We women, she says, are sitting on a mountain of rage. But we're told to be pleasant, and so we end up, unawares, choking on our own anger. But this rage is crucial, she tells us, punctuating the air with the riding crop. It contains our passion, our vision for a world that does not yet exist. "We move from vengeance to reparation to elevation," she says, lifting her hands as she speaks. "Anger is a part of redemption (p. 192)."
RELATED BOOKS:
Female Chauvenist Pigs by Ariel Levy (2005)
Pornland by Gail Dines (2010)
The Female Eunich by Germaine Greer (1970)
The Whole Woman by Germaine Greer (1999)
Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (anthology, 2008)
Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All by Jaclyn Friedman
Fuck the DSM-5. Asexuality is an orientation, not some fake disorder called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Stop pathologizing aces. Okay, actually, the author seems dubious about the legitimacy of this nonexistent disorder, but even then she doesn't bring up asexuality.
For all that, it's an interesting book. I like that it's very sociological. It's good that there's a chapter about assault and rape and how trauma from such experiences can affect women's attitudes toward sex and relationships.
The book sometimes felt like a collection of magazine articles. The authorinterviews various people (therapists, sex therapists; sex coaches, etc.) who have different perspectives and approaches to the book's main topic. These interviews and hands-on research are what feel like articles. I wouldn't be surprised if variations on some chapters were originally published in magazines.
Page 159: "overweight" is bs. That fatphobic word implies that someone is supposed to be a different, lesser weight. Just say fat or stout.
Page 179: Grrr, Victoria Woodhull was a suffragist, not a "suffragette." This has developed into a pet peeve of mine. The latter was an insulting term coined by an anti-suffrage male reporter. The suffragists who embraced the term "suffragette" were militant 20th century suffragists such as the Pankhurst family.
Also, Victoria Woodhull wasn't necessarily advocating open relationships or polyamory; her idea of free love was women being able to divorce easily and as often as they wanted. She got divorced twice, but Victorian Americans (including suffragists) didn't consider her respectable, and she exiled herself in England.
I like this former dominatrix:
We women, she says, are sitting on a mountain of rage. But we're told to be pleasant, and so we end up, unawares, choking on our own anger. But this rage is crucial, she tells us, punctuating the air with the riding crop. It contains our passion, our vision for a world that does not yet exist. "We move from vengeance to reparation to elevation," she says, lifting her hands as she speaks. "Anger is a part of redemption (p. 192)."
RELATED BOOKS:
Female Chauvenist Pigs by Ariel Levy (2005)
Pornland by Gail Dines (2010)
The Female Eunich by Germaine Greer (1970)
The Whole Woman by Germaine Greer (1999)
Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (anthology, 2008)
Unscrewed: Women, Sex, Power, and How to Stop Letting the System Screw Us All by Jaclyn Friedman
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 9, 2020
I’m torn about this book. It feels like it’s really two or three separate books. The first of these is a profound look at the “Pleasure Gap” between men and women [the main focus of the book is heterosexual couples]. The second delves into more polyamory, cheating and other things that some would consider “alternative lifestyles”. The third is a non-conclusion “conclusion” that is more of a political diatribe than anything else. I’ll try to tackle these three areas of the book separately.
The first part of the book is very interesting, and is definitely worthy of 4 stars (maybe even 5). It is full of facts and interviews, presenting some intense arguments. The main takeaway from this section is that the majority of dissatisfaction issues are due to inattentive or indifferent men. This idea may make it difficult for some men to read. The book makes a good case that changes in male behavior could lead to pleasurable outcomes for both men and women, though the author never comes out and states this directly.
The second part of the book deals more with things that many work call “kink” or “alternative lifestyles.” Things such as BDSM, polyamory, swinging, open relationships and cheating are explored. This part of the book is more worthy of a 3 (maybe 2) stars. The author is obviously uncomfortable with this subject, and their are other books that seem to be more detailed on these subjects. At times the author seems to support ideas like polyamory, and at others seems disdainful of the same ideas. During this section and the conclusion the author starts to get very political.
The final part of the book is the conclusion. This part of the book is definitely a 1 (or even 0) star section. It’s difficult to figure out what the point of this conclusion as it doesn’t really come to any conclusions. The author gets unnecessarily political in the final two parts. It seems out of place especially since the earlier chapters avoided politics.The author seems lost to connect the previous chapters in any meaningful way.
This is an odd book. It’s good, but there’s not really any conclusion, advice or solutions presented. From chapter to chapter the author sometimes presents conflicting information or the causes of low desire or lack of pleasure. It’s as if she’s just checking the boxes. This is definitely a book worth reading, especially for men, but there’s other more interesting books like those by Cacilda Jethá & Christopher Ryan, Esther Perel, Justin J. Lehmiller or Barry & Emily McCarthy.
The first part of the book is very interesting, and is definitely worthy of 4 stars (maybe even 5). It is full of facts and interviews, presenting some intense arguments. The main takeaway from this section is that the majority of dissatisfaction issues are due to inattentive or indifferent men. This idea may make it difficult for some men to read. The book makes a good case that changes in male behavior could lead to pleasurable outcomes for both men and women, though the author never comes out and states this directly.
The second part of the book deals more with things that many work call “kink” or “alternative lifestyles.” Things such as BDSM, polyamory, swinging, open relationships and cheating are explored. This part of the book is more worthy of a 3 (maybe 2) stars. The author is obviously uncomfortable with this subject, and their are other books that seem to be more detailed on these subjects. At times the author seems to support ideas like polyamory, and at others seems disdainful of the same ideas. During this section and the conclusion the author starts to get very political.
The final part of the book is the conclusion. This part of the book is definitely a 1 (or even 0) star section. It’s difficult to figure out what the point of this conclusion as it doesn’t really come to any conclusions. The author gets unnecessarily political in the final two parts. It seems out of place especially since the earlier chapters avoided politics.The author seems lost to connect the previous chapters in any meaningful way.
This is an odd book. It’s good, but there’s not really any conclusion, advice or solutions presented. From chapter to chapter the author sometimes presents conflicting information or the causes of low desire or lack of pleasure. It’s as if she’s just checking the boxes. This is definitely a book worth reading, especially for men, but there’s other more interesting books like those by Cacilda Jethá & Christopher Ryan, Esther Perel, Justin J. Lehmiller or Barry & Emily McCarthy.
June 23, 2020
This book is not what I expected. I spent the beginning of this book a little frustrated with certain elements until I finally understood it's purpose, and then I enjoyed it immensely. I write this review in hopes to set an expectation for you so that you might have a better overall experience than me.
When you read a book like this, I think it is normal to expect a conclusion. Tons of nonfiction, especially in our highly politicized world, drives towards a conclusion so much that facts and arguments can be secondary. Even in college we are taught to have a thesis and go after it with facts. Its a contest, where the best argument wins. This book is not that.
Instead The Pleasure Gap's conclusion seems to be that there are so many ways to address the pain and longing present in female sexuality that finding a single conclusion to encompass it is ludacris. It is not a book about the best way to fix the pleasure gap, it is not a book about defending the existence of a pleasure gap.
It is a primer, a collection of studies and meditations on the problems facing female sexuality. Some parts will resonate with you and your partner, some parts not so much. It is an exploration.
As a man reading this, I was surprised at how much I learned of my own sexuality. I was constantly posed interesting and uncomfortable questions, or encouraged to go down rabbit holes. I tackled these questions with my wife, who was reading with me and tripping into her own rabbit holes. In the end I feel I am a better person for reading this, not just more attuned to my partner, but my own self as well.
It's wonderful, so long as you understand that there is no "goal"here for you find and pick apart. This book puts facts, studies, and experience above conclusion, and is incredible.
When you read a book like this, I think it is normal to expect a conclusion. Tons of nonfiction, especially in our highly politicized world, drives towards a conclusion so much that facts and arguments can be secondary. Even in college we are taught to have a thesis and go after it with facts. Its a contest, where the best argument wins. This book is not that.
Instead The Pleasure Gap's conclusion seems to be that there are so many ways to address the pain and longing present in female sexuality that finding a single conclusion to encompass it is ludacris. It is not a book about the best way to fix the pleasure gap, it is not a book about defending the existence of a pleasure gap.
It is a primer, a collection of studies and meditations on the problems facing female sexuality. Some parts will resonate with you and your partner, some parts not so much. It is an exploration.
As a man reading this, I was surprised at how much I learned of my own sexuality. I was constantly posed interesting and uncomfortable questions, or encouraged to go down rabbit holes. I tackled these questions with my wife, who was reading with me and tripping into her own rabbit holes. In the end I feel I am a better person for reading this, not just more attuned to my partner, but my own self as well.
It's wonderful, so long as you understand that there is no "goal"here for you find and pick apart. This book puts facts, studies, and experience above conclusion, and is incredible.
July 15, 2024
In a way a sort of response to Nagoski's Come As You Are and treading some of the same ground as .... oh, hell, I forget the name of the book, but it was one where the author explored different methods of figuring out what turned women on (shit, was that just CAYA? I swear there was a different one ....).
Probably plenty of others have said far more about this book than I could, but I'll just say that I enjoyed how it really plunged into the idea of like ... this phenomenon (decreased sexual interest in the 30s) seems to affect women no matter what their class/orientation/lifestyle, so is it natural biology? Or is it societally imposed? Should people fight it, or learn to live with it? We've just done SO LITTLE science on women's pleasure that we're basically clueless about this. A really fascinating, though frustrating, place to be.
Much like Van der Koch's The Body Keeps the Score, the second half is devoted to looking at different therapeutic approaches to 'solving' the issues the first half explored, and it's utterly charming/upsetting/uplifting in equal parts.
Probably plenty of others have said far more about this book than I could, but I'll just say that I enjoyed how it really plunged into the idea of like ... this phenomenon (decreased sexual interest in the 30s) seems to affect women no matter what their class/orientation/lifestyle, so is it natural biology? Or is it societally imposed? Should people fight it, or learn to live with it? We've just done SO LITTLE science on women's pleasure that we're basically clueless about this. A really fascinating, though frustrating, place to be.
Much like Van der Koch's The Body Keeps the Score, the second half is devoted to looking at different therapeutic approaches to 'solving' the issues the first half explored, and it's utterly charming/upsetting/uplifting in equal parts.
March 24, 2025
4.5 ⭐️
Deeply engaging and well-written. I found the flow of chapters and topics to be natural, and was especially impressed by the chapters on hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the DSM-VI and what now exists in the DSM-V (i.e., the merging of arousal and desire disorders into one), as well as the overall medicalization of female sexuality. Learning about Viagra and Addyi in that same section was enlightening and equally frustrating.
I found the overall arc of the book to be beautiful, with sex moving from a dysfunction of mechanics to a refocusing on meaning making. That conclusion is beautiful. I do wish there had been more practical or realistic steps forward for individuals with sexual dysfunction or disappointment, rather than a philosophical “sex is a way to make meaning of life, of self, etc.” mindset shift.
Well worth the read as both a sexual being and as a doctoral student in clinical psychology focusing explicitly on human sexuality.
Deeply engaging and well-written. I found the flow of chapters and topics to be natural, and was especially impressed by the chapters on hypoactive sexual desire disorder in the DSM-VI and what now exists in the DSM-V (i.e., the merging of arousal and desire disorders into one), as well as the overall medicalization of female sexuality. Learning about Viagra and Addyi in that same section was enlightening and equally frustrating.
I found the overall arc of the book to be beautiful, with sex moving from a dysfunction of mechanics to a refocusing on meaning making. That conclusion is beautiful. I do wish there had been more practical or realistic steps forward for individuals with sexual dysfunction or disappointment, rather than a philosophical “sex is a way to make meaning of life, of self, etc.” mindset shift.
Well worth the read as both a sexual being and as a doctoral student in clinical psychology focusing explicitly on human sexuality.
February 7, 2024
Well-written book that provides a deeper look into the epidemic of women experiencing "low desire". Basically, culture around sex is designed for straight men, and it leaves women behind. Women are taught to be sexy and alluring, but to only consider their partner's pleasure. This book does a good job at explaining all faucets of sexual therapy, even if the author doesn't agree with them. She's very good at writing facts and keeping her opinion hidden.
I wish there was a little more info about how we can push our culture to have a healthier idea of sex. Also, there was no mention of "low desire" being a symptom of potentially unattainable standards of what libido ~should~ be. Only that low desire is a normal response to sex that doesn't include your own pleasure (which is very true).
I enjoyed this book, and I highly recommend it to everyone!
I wish there was a little more info about how we can push our culture to have a healthier idea of sex. Also, there was no mention of "low desire" being a symptom of potentially unattainable standards of what libido ~should~ be. Only that low desire is a normal response to sex that doesn't include your own pleasure (which is very true).
I enjoyed this book, and I highly recommend it to everyone!
February 16, 2021
This was a really great book. It's very well conceived and well written with a huge amount of journalistic research put into it.
It so astutely articulates the issues undermining female sexual experience and expression that I found myself wanting to connect with the author. I found that almost every point she makes added even more academic background to the issues I took on in my own book that, as part memoir, tends to be a bit more anecdotal.
Rowland has taken a gnarly topic that's been batted around a lot lately and focuses it directly on what I consider to be the most critical and overlooked issue of today's sexuality: women are disconnected from their (our) bodies and sexuality.
By doing so, she begins to empower the potential of healing and change.
It so astutely articulates the issues undermining female sexual experience and expression that I found myself wanting to connect with the author. I found that almost every point she makes added even more academic background to the issues I took on in my own book that, as part memoir, tends to be a bit more anecdotal.
Rowland has taken a gnarly topic that's been batted around a lot lately and focuses it directly on what I consider to be the most critical and overlooked issue of today's sexuality: women are disconnected from their (our) bodies and sexuality.
By doing so, she begins to empower the potential of healing and change.
October 6, 2025
I honestly don't get the lukewarm reviews for this book. I thought it was killer--a broad AND deep look at the complicated issue of women's sexuality, an astute take down of myths about low desire, and a critical overview of the many "solutions" being offered for the problem. What more could you want? I liked the combination of research, interviews, and Rowland's sharp insights into her subject matter. It was obvious she put a ton of work into writing this book, and she delivered, in spades, what she promised in the introduction--which is more than I can say for 70% of the books I read (or, rather, abandon reading). Five stars.
November 6, 2024
The book discusses the history of sex and how it’s always been about men and their pleasure and women’s role was to help the man and have kids. Women started to have more freedom and then pleasure. Sadly, I am afraid we will be going backwards and women will be/are reminded their role is to please their man. The book helped see the history of women and women discovering themselves, so to speak, and how it presently helps women unlearn things that may be preventing them - but again, it’s an uphill battle with our current state of affairs. I wonder if women will ever be fully free.
October 2, 2020
DNF'd at page 14
It's been a minute since I set this down so I don't entirely remember my reason, but I remember it was more sociology than hard science or even psychology. Picking this up to officially DNF if, I do see that the author has a maters in sociomedical sciences. I've never heard of this field, and it sounds very accurate to the way she's writing the book. It sounded quite interesting, which is why I picked it up, but the lens through which she's writing it just isn't for me.
It's been a minute since I set this down so I don't entirely remember my reason, but I remember it was more sociology than hard science or even psychology. Picking this up to officially DNF if, I do see that the author has a maters in sociomedical sciences. I've never heard of this field, and it sounds very accurate to the way she's writing the book. It sounded quite interesting, which is why I picked it up, but the lens through which she's writing it just isn't for me.
October 28, 2020
Enlightening and thought-provoking take on our acceptance of woman's lack of sexual pleasure. It makes one think about our idea that "if women don't enjoy sex as much as men that's just biology." What if that's because we have really only tried to understand sexuality from men's POV? What if that's because we simply haven't bothered to study women's sexuality?
A fifth star would be warranted if she actually wrote about what one can DO to begin to solve this issue.
A fifth star would be warranted if she actually wrote about what one can DO to begin to solve this issue.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 26, 2020
I love this kind of subject matter and read a lot of books around human sexuality. In the first few chapters, the writing felt oddly clinical and I worried it was going to be like that the whole way through. I almost gave up but I'm glad I didn't. The writer touches on interesting avenues to give a more comprehensive picture of sexuality than I've seen in other reading. I really enjoyed this.
May 5, 2020
More journalism than self-help, which was not what I expected, but allowed me to enjoy it even more. The first half is an exploration of the myriad ways women's sexuality has been destroyed, and the second half accounts of ways women have recovered from that. I found it interesting and mostly judgement free in the back half. And it is definitely well researched!
October 3, 2022
Rating : 3,5 ⭐
I thought this book had a very strong beginning, but the conclusion didn't really deliver. The book makes good arguments when it comes to explaining why the gap exists. However, the potential solutions explored weren't exactly convincing or realistic. It was still informative overall.
I thought this book had a very strong beginning, but the conclusion didn't really deliver. The book makes good arguments when it comes to explaining why the gap exists. However, the potential solutions explored weren't exactly convincing or realistic. It was still informative overall.
March 25, 2020
I love this general topic but did not love this book. It was mediocre, long and repetitive. I didn’t gain any insight and agree if you are patient, then sex can be more rewarding. But I also find spontaneous hot sex to be gratifying too so I do not entirely agree with the author’s message.
June 22, 2020
At times I could feel some judgment from the author towards the less vanilla aspects of the book. This was difficult to get past as she is supposedly an expert and removed some authority from her voice. It made me feel judged by extension as an unintended consequence.
July 23, 2020
I had a few questions that prompted me to pick this book up. Those questions were answered in the 1st portion of the book, and the rest of it was information I either didn't want or need to know. I skimmed the second half.
October 9, 2020
This was fascinating, but also frustrating. The author explored many of the extremes that women go to in order to find pleasure in sex, but I wished there were more interviews with regular women not seeking out over the top remedies. A good read, nonetheless.
December 30, 2020
She put together the history and science behind the sexual revolution in America creating a good foundation for understanding what has happened. Also, the author illuminates quite well why the revolution is unfinished especially in terms of the pleasure women experience. However, I found that the suggested direction for women to take to close the pleasure gap, while provocative, incomplete.
March 2, 2022
I heard about this book on NPR and it was different than I was anticipating lots of science/research/history. It was certainly interesting - lots of history I had never heard about before but I also found myself bored at times.
August 25, 2023
There was some good information here about women and pleasure... but you may have heard some of it before if you have read about this subject. I did appreciate some of the in depth studies on women's desire.
March 1, 2024
Don’t read this book if you’re a woman. You won’t learn much and there is an aggressive undertone I don’t fuck with. There are so many more helpful and educational books to read on this topic instead.
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