There's parts of this book I'm really fond of, and parts which I personally couldn't come to terms with. And ultimately, as a reader, I wanted her to leave him.
There's no elaborate reason for it. Both of them are very good people. But imo, he symbolises everything, that, should I have been in her shoes, I would resent.
Samara is a woman who has dealt with penetrating loneliness, foster care, abandonment, has been exposed to sexual and physical abuse in her household as a child. She has struggled. This is further maximised as an adult where she suffers emotional abuse from a abusive boyfriend, who later rapes her and is violent - stabbing her.
Her character through and through is one which represents strength and longevity in times of trauma and pain. She doesn't draw attention to her past, and blurt it out five minutes into the book to the hero. It's pieces which are broken in one by one, that she reluctantly shares, and it's incredibly endearing. She's relatable and appears positive. And that's because she's genuinely a woman who you probably know, but would never know that she's one of those in the 1:4 statistic who have been affected by sexual abuse. She's like the girl next door who is nothing like the ideal of what a girl next door is.
And whilst she struggled in high school, blending into a goth, there was popular high schooler Orion. Nothing was between them in high school but it bothered me that she noticed him whilst he never took notice of her. And that he dated a girl like Amy in high school but didn't see the Samaras of the world.
It bothered me that in the present state, he had it so easy. The sports stardom, the money, a warm inviting family in Indiana, friends, women at his beck and call though he is a "relationship" kind of guy. It bothered me that in the past, and present he genuinely has what we can label a wholesome life.
By comparison, the calamity and hopelessness that is her life if I was in her shoes would make me feel very jealous.
There's also the fact that everyone who gets involved in her life and care for her are in association to Orion. If she doesn't have him, she loses everything.
Orion is this pinnacle in a small town. Everyone hero worships him. She fleetingly noticed his good looks in high school but presumed he was just like his girlfriend Amy: shallow, and vapid - a bully.
She works at super save and is a Liberian. And that's okay, really.
But...
There's this whole it's not fair concept in my eyes
It's not his fault.
Or anyone's fault.
It's just life.
However, I don't think I could ever be with a guy like him.
Someone who has REDATES an Amy not seeing past her duplicity or simple looks. Obviously he isn't with her right from the start but this is simply a character assessing moment. Someone who has the looks and the money and the fame and the family. I just don't see that special quality in him.
Fair enough when he notices Samara, he doesn't look back. But there isn't that yearning there. Especially when he makes their relationship one of long distance without a second thought.
“But, I have my job here,” she said. “Two, actually. I might not to be able to find anything there. I’m a college dropout, you know.” She paused and continued. “Wait, did you know that? Do we know each other well enough to think about this? It’s only been a few months.”
“You wouldn’t need a job. I’ve got more than enough money.”
“I know, but—”
“Just hear me out, babe. I’ve been thinking about this. I love hockey. This is my dream job, and a lot of people don’t get to have a dream job. I’ve been really lucky. What’s your dream?”
***
(Why can't what she's doing right now be her dream? You know? There's this mindset from him that in my perspective is actually discouraging despite his words of "encouragement")
“No, it’s not that. I’ve never even considered living with someone. I guess I’d consider it, but to quit my jobs after less than three months together … I just can’t.”
“I think it’s ridiculous for you to work at the Supersaver for ten bucks an hour when I’ve got lots of money and I want to commit to you.”
“Don’t cut down my job,” she said sharply. “I might not make much money, but I support myself just fine. And I thought we were already committed.”
Fuck. This conversation was going south fast.
“We are. I just meant the commitment of living together. And I’m sorry for my rude comment. I didn’t mean to be hurtful.”
The massive division in life experiences is a huge obstruction irl if you think about it. So I just didn't rate him that much. He's a good boyfriend, a good man, treats her right etc etc, but he's not THE GUY.