How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out

by Alex J. Packer

Here's an etiquette book that teens will want to read—because it keeps them laughing, doesn't preach, and deals with issues that matter to them, as teens themselves reported in a nationwide survey. In How Rude!, author Alex J. Packer blends outrageous humor with sound advice as he guides readers through the mysterious world of manners from A ("Applause") to Z ("Zits"). He starts by explaining why etiquette is important—because people who know how to handle themselves in social situations come out on top, get what they want, feel good about themselves, and enjoy life to the fullest. Fourteen chapters describe the basics of polite behavior in all kinds of situations at home, in school, and in the world. Teens learn how to be a host with the most (and a guest with the best), what to do (and not do) when going online or waiting in line, how to deal with rude relatives, how to act at the mall and the concert hall, how to make introductions, who invented manners, and much more. Hundreds of "Dear Alex" questions and answers cover everything from dating to breaking up, thank-you notes to table manners, ethnic jokes to social cliques, skateboarding to celebrating. Survey results reveal what teens, parents, and teachers think about manners and why they're important. Full of practical tips for every occasion, How Rude! is a serious etiquette encyclopedia—and a hilarious read.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Parenting, Humor, Reference, Childrens, Family

472 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Alex J. Packer received his Ph.D. in educational and developmental psychology from Boston College and his master’s degree in education from Harvard. He has been headmaster of an alternative school for 11- to 15-year-olds and director of education at the Capital Children’s Museum. He is president emeritus of FCD Educational Services, a Boston-based provider of drug education and substance abuse prevention services to schools worldwide.

Reviews

[Dorcas · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a quick easy read; a "how to" on manners. It's kind of sad that we even need something like this, but we definitely do. I found it engaging and at times laugh out loud funny. The little sketches are great!

The book covers almost every aspect of life; everything from texting, writing thank you notes,answering the telephone, how to respond to a compliment, job interviews etc.

While it's a teen guide, I would be cautious about buying it for a young teen as not everything may be age appropriate. For example, "safe" sex is touched on. You may or may not agree with the advice given. So just a heads up. As a parent, you may want to discuss this with your child first before they get advice in a book.

MY RATING: PG

*I received a free ecopy of this book through NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Longhairpanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. The author is annoying and patronizing. Plus he is rude himself at times.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written for Teens, and a great resource for adults, too! A fun take on minding your manners in person and online for many common (and not so common) situations. Includes reproducible pages including "Code of Facebook Etiquette for Parents of Teens" and "Code of Etiquette for Divorced or Divorcing Parents" and " 30 Do's and Don'ts of Classroom Etiquette for Teachers".

[Cheryll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book! Very straight forward, written for teens in their language, but good for anyone else willing to learn how to live in the world of humans. I was raised this way, my kids were, too. Other peoples kids, (not to mention celebrities and politicians) however.......

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know it’s supposed to be geared towards teens but I want to hand this book out to some adults. Like my coworker that chews with her mouth open. Every time she pulls out a piece of gum I want to wrestle her to the ground and snatch it from her.

[James Hallowell · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Having good manners involves a lot more than knowing not to drink from the toilet bowl.” This insightful pearl-of-wisdom appears on page 1 of “How Rude,” Dr. Alex Packer’s revised and updated guide to good manners for teenagers, and it’s typical of the style and wit that runs throughout the remaining 500 or so pages. Packer knows that if he has any hope of getting a teen to actually read his book, he needs to be funny and disarming and not be above the occasional dip into bathroom humor. But he also needs to be smart and relevant, and to demonstrate over and over again that his advice about “manners” has nothing to do with how to drink tea or whether or not to wear white after Labor Day. “How Rude” is a practical self-help book that deals with serious life-altering issues like college admissions, job interviews, even matters of funerals and death. But it also tackles useful but less monumental issues such as how to deal with a friend’s dog sniffing your crotch or how to end a conversation with a persistent bore.

The style, content, look and layout of the physical book are all specifically designed to play to the teenage brain. Although the tome itself is about the size of an old-fashioned phone book, it feels light and airy, begging to be thumbed through until suddenly an illustration or comment grabs the reader’s attention and begs to be looked at more closely. Every page is broken up with clever illustrations, cartoons, quizzes, “Dear Alex” letters from actual teens, fun factoids, lists of dos and don’ts, rights and wrongs, all written in funky fonts. It’s a design geared for the ADD-skimmer, the know-it-all smartass, and just about every other version of the reading-averse. It also happens to be an engaging read for adults interested in finding out more about the YA world and its trends and mores.

“How Rude” is staggeringly comprehensive and well-researched, relying not just on the impressive background of its author but also on extensive surveys with educators, parents, and teenagers themselves. Pragmatic yet fun, philosophical without becoming preachy, “How Rude” is a gem of an advice book for anyone, of any age, fortunate enough to become immersed in its encyclopedia of practical advice and common sense.

[Heather Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for a book on manners to use in my classroom, and this just wasn't the book I was looking for. It was far too long for many of my students - I wouldn't feel reasonable in assigning it. The humor seemed forced to me, and occasionally too rude to be helpful in a book teaching manners. The sexual references would be okay for older teenagers but weren't appropriate for the younger teens I teach. I'll keep looking.

[Patt · Rating 5 out of 5]

How Rude! By Alex J.Packer is a fonomanal pieces teaching teens proper etiquette in the modern age. As he states on the back cover, “Most etiquette books are preachy, boring, and dull. This one keeps you laughing….” Rather than bland, commanding rules, How Rude! incorporates humor and real life scenarios making it entertaining to read. Coming from a family that was raised this way, most topics I consider common sense. However even with that mentality it taught me more that I’ll admit.

This book covers topics that most books about demeanor don’t speak off. Of course you have the public gatherings, table manners, self care and other “basic” proper behavior. This version also speaks of situations that happen outside of the stiff etiquette book; peer pressure, relationships, dealing with cliques, insults, sex, uncommon courtesies, life lessons and advice for the stereotypical teenager. Not to mention also saying why it’s important. I see it as an updated and revised version of the Today’s Etiquette.

I find myself flipping to a random page and reading what’s on it. No matter the page, it’s still a good read. With our generation looking up to idols that curse every five seconds and treat people like an object, it’s important to remember to respect each other, including ourselves. How Rude! demonstrates correct behavior even though it never says the word “correct,” rather “handle” or “control.” Those who do so come out on top. It’s not for mature audiences, but rather maturing. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t give it to an 8th grader. I enjoyed reading it even when provoking common sense. Yet even then, what harm can come from a little reminder.

[JaNel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super thorough.
Especially...
Ch. 4 Family
Ch. 5 p. 171 - good friend
Ch. 6 p. 209 - 217 Peers, Bullying, Harassment
The section on sexual-harassment was excellent. There’s a thorough list of unacceptable behaviors, and this definition which everyone needs to memorize:
“ of course you can have fun, just not at the expense of others....sexual-harassment is defined by the person on the receiving end, not the giving end. Flirting is wanted. Flirting is reciprocal. Harassment is one-sided. Harassment is unwanted.”
Ch. 7 Friendship, Romance
Ch. 10 p 368-82
Ch. 11 p. 383-421 Internet
Ch. 14 p 457-71 self

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfection at its finest for the modern audience.

[Damian Anthony-desilva · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for Parents and their teenagers to read about Manners and Morals.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Funny, modern and super useful. An excellent resource in my etiquette program for teens.

[Donita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short good read.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book.

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Skimmed through the content before giving to my kids to read. A great resource and hilarious. I was laughing so hard I was crying.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for manners that was also /funny/ so it actually made it interesting to read. Also very helpful. Recommend for sure.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for ASD teens!

[Erica]

Year of Pub: 1997
Publisher: Attainment Company, Incorporated, Verona, WI

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Reviews listed below may refer to a specific version of this work.

Booklist
( February 01, 1998 ; 1-57542-024-4 )

Gr. 6^-12. Although manners aren't high on any teen's list of things to read about, this volume not only uses humor to make the subject palatable but also makes good sense in terms of most young people's everyday lives. Whether the topic is rude noises, table manners, or squabbles over the TV remote, Packer has a word or two to say, managing to get the point across without scolding or haranguing. He also has some advice on a few issues not usually covered in books on manners--like in-line skating, computer hacking, and "sex ediquette" (it's "beyond rude" to give someone HIV, get someone pregnant, or ignore the word "No"). The text is nicely broken up by cartoons, boldface headings, goofy chapter quizzes, and survey results (no background on how these were obtained is given), but the book is still a formidable 400 pages. For reference, however, it's first rate: teens can turn to it when they have a specific problem (both the index and the table of contents are good) or use it as an adjunct to the study of human relationships or contemporary culture. --Stephanie Zvirin

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School Library Journal
( January 22, 1998 ; 1-57542-024-4 )

Gr 6 Up?rom its intriguing title to the tongue-in-cheek ideas for dealing with many kinds of situations, teenagers will find this manual humorous, nonthreatening, entertaining, and educational. The narrative is light and lively, and the advice is realistic and practical. The situations covered in the question-and-answer format far exceed those found in standard etiquette books, with section headings such as "Sex-Ediquette" (realistic rules for relationships with the opposite sex), Toiletiquette, (polite bathroom-sharing), and Netiquette (cyberspace behavior codes). The correct way to answer an invitation, which fork to use at a formal dinner, and all of the standard protocols for life in what once was called a "proper" environment are included. Yet there are many scenarios, from sexual situations to in-line skating, that will be relevant to today's teenagers, and questions that many would not be able to ask an adult, yet for which they urgently need answers. They will certainly find guidance here. Charts listing options for correct or incorrect behavior with probable outcomes appear throughout, as are anecdotal snippets entitled "True Stories from the Manners Frontier." Survey results that show what teens think and then what parents and teachers think about the same issues are presented. This volume should be considered ahead of any traditional etiquette book for YAs. They will return to it again and again as they face new and different situations.?arilyn Fairbanks, East Junior High School, Brockton, MA

[Sarah Ritter]

Packer, Alex J. How rude!: The teen guide to good manners, proper behavior, and not grossing people out. (2ed.) Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.

Citation by: Sarah Ritter
Reference Type: Handbook
DDCN: 395.1

Content/Scope: The purpose of this book is to provide teens with a guide to how to behave and talk in public, in school, at home, and online.

Accuracy/Authority/Bias: The author has written similar titles. The rude behavior is based on his opinion and the unwritten rules of society like saying excuse me if you burp. Different people might disagree with what the author considers rude. The author has a PhD. in Educational and Developmental Psychology. There are 504 pages and it is printed in paperback.

Arrangement and Presentation: Etiquette is presented in an engaging and funny way for teens. It is organized by categories like school rules and netequitte. There is a question in bold at the beginning of each chapter. The text is very teenage-friendly and discusses these topics in a real and funny way.

Relation to similar works: I am aware of etiquette works but none that are geared specifically towards teens and in an engaging way that hits right on the nail of what teenagers are thinking.

Accessibility/Diversity: This book is said to be for ages 13-18 but I think all ages could enjoy this--the topics just apply more to teenagers. Males and females of all ages, races, backgrounds can relate to this book.

Cost: $23.99

Professional Review:
Anderson, Erin. (2014). How rude!: The teen guide to good manners, proper behavior, and not grossing people out. Booklist, 110(21). Retrieved from http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.libsrv.wku...

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, this was a humorous and engaging etiquette guide that would be handy for young teens. There are times where the humor borders on hokey, which might turn off older/more mature readers, and it can seem a little patronizing at times. Given the subject matter, though, I think it would be difficult to avoid that. I particularly appreciate how thorough this guide is--it covers a very comprehensive range of subjects, and the updated version even takes into account newer etiquette topics and trends, like Internet etiquette. I also appreciate Packer's frequent use of humor and sarcasm to keep things light, interesting, and informative for young readers.

*This review is of an advanced copy provided by NetGalley.

[Sam L · Rating 3 out of 5]

How Rude!
1/15/13
438 pages

You need to be polite. In the book, "How Rude" it teaches you how to be polite. It also has real people asking if this or that is polite. It teaches you about school rules, letters, conversations, and many more things! For example, don't talk while the teacher is talking, use a body in a letter, and always introduce friends to other friends. Manners are very important.

I thought this book was fun to read. It isn't the kind of book I usually read and it was a good experience. I gave this book 3 stars because it was just fun to read once.

[Aileen · Rating 4 out of 5]

*This book was given to me as a Goodreads First Reads book

I really enjoyed this book. It was interesting to read through the tid-bits of advice that was added in there. I have found the advice to be useful already! This how-to manual on etiquette teaches you on how to act in different situations. I especially liked reading the "Dear Alex" parts of the book because of the humor that was added into it (although, there's splots of humor through out the book). If you want to know more about good manners, then read this book!

[Ganesa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! This is a great book for teens to learn about the purpose and importance of etiquette. It's clever, modern and based on my students' responses, the content is relevant and can be easily applied to everyday life. I highly recommend this book for teachers, Girl Scout Troop Leaders and afterschool clubs youth leaders who are interested in infusing etiquette and manners instruction into their programs. There are many great activities that can be done based on the checklists and discussion points.

[Duane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone having to deal with teenagers will get SO much from this book. Done with humor, but still very educational, the author does a masterful job of making the reader feel comfortable at learning what is proper and what is rude. I think most teenagers would actually get quite a bit out of this book. It's filled with tons of useful information even adults can use. A great book for any library or parent to include in their collection.

[Breanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This had a very complete guide to etiquette and was definitely catered to teens (the sarcasm and jokes were dripping with adolescent humor and it got kind of annoying).

It is my personal opinion and morals but I think there was some stuff in here that was not appropriate for the audience (teens). The proper etiquette for condoms and sex? Common, the proper etiquette for teens is don't have sex. But other than some weird topics, it was pretty good and thorough.

[Reader2007 · Rating 3 out of 5]

My grandmother picked this up at a library booksale--for the most part, fairly informative. Unfortunately, it wastes pages and pages on lists of things parents think are rude, and things kids think are rude--pretty much all teens know these without having to be told. :-/

Time would be better spent reading Emily Post.

[Jeremiah Griff · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do think of this book? What? You think that you hate it? How rude! At least use some manners when talking negatively! This is no ordinary, "Do," and "Do not," book. This book is very hilarious, teaching manners along with a few manners. For example, you are allowed to eat chicken with your hands (typically), but I myself prefer to eat my fingers with a touch of lemon!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Teens and parents will laugh over this book. May be a little much for the Tweens. Sometimes the book is too silly, but then again it is a manners book. Very comprehensive and often laughable. I can only hope some people who really need this book will see themselves and temper the outbursts. Worth your time, and it has pictures!

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I skimmed this to see if it was appropriate for middle school readers. I enjoyed it and thought it was a good read for older teens and adults. The section on "sex etiquette" caused me to choose something else for my students.

[Alexandra B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought it was great! Very witty and it effectively taught etiquette for a teen's mind to understand. I enjoyed reading it. My only problem was remembering all of it! When i get the chance, I will definitely reread it again.