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The Kids Are in Bed: Finding Time for Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting
"All new moms should shove a copy of The Kids Are in Bed in the diaper bag between the asswipes and Aquaphor! A perfect guide on how-to not morph solely into someone’s mom and retain your badassery in a world of Disneyfication and baby sharks.”
—Jill Kargman, author of Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave and creator of Odd Mom Out
Picture it—it's 8:30 p.m. You close the door to your child's room just as you hear your partner closing the dishwasher, and now it's time for an hour or two of glorious freedom. What do you do? Read the book you've been waiting to crack open all day? Chat on the phone with a friend, glass of wine in hand, or go out with pals and share a whole bottle? Or, like many modern parents, do you get caught up in chores, busywork, and social media black holes?
In an original survey conducted for this book, 71 percent of parents said their free time didn't feel free at all, because they were still thinking about all the things they should be doing for their kids, their jobs, and their households. Rachel Bertsche found herself in exactly that bind. After dozens of interviews with scientists and parenting experts, input from moms and dads across the country, and her own experiments with her personal time, Rachel figured out how to transform her patterns and reconnect to her pre-kids life. In The Kids Are in Bed , other parents can learn to do the same, and learn to truly enjoy the time after lights-out.
—Jill Kargman, author of Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave and creator of Odd Mom Out
Picture it—it's 8:30 p.m. You close the door to your child's room just as you hear your partner closing the dishwasher, and now it's time for an hour or two of glorious freedom. What do you do? Read the book you've been waiting to crack open all day? Chat on the phone with a friend, glass of wine in hand, or go out with pals and share a whole bottle? Or, like many modern parents, do you get caught up in chores, busywork, and social media black holes?
In an original survey conducted for this book, 71 percent of parents said their free time didn't feel free at all, because they were still thinking about all the things they should be doing for their kids, their jobs, and their households. Rachel Bertsche found herself in exactly that bind. After dozens of interviews with scientists and parenting experts, input from moms and dads across the country, and her own experiments with her personal time, Rachel figured out how to transform her patterns and reconnect to her pre-kids life. In The Kids Are in Bed , other parents can learn to do the same, and learn to truly enjoy the time after lights-out.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 7, 2020
59 people are currently reading
881 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Bertsche
7 books220 followersRachel Bertsche is the author of The Kids Are in Bed: Finding Time for Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting, MWF Seeking BFF, and Jennifer, Gwyneth & Me. A former editor at O, The Oprah Magazine, her work has appeared in Marie Claire, More, Teen Vogue, Every Day with Rachael Ray, Fitness, Women’s Health, New York, CNN.com, and more. She lives in Chicago with her husband and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
January 9, 2020
I've been reading more parenting books because my husband and I are in the early stages of the state adoption process, too early to really share more than that. But I've never been a parent, and I know you can't really learn it from a book, I thought I might at least find some books to return to.
This one is tackling the important topic of your identity outside your children, staying connected to your partner (assuming you have one,) staying connected to your friends (assuming they stick around,) and in general it falls under the umbrella of what the author refers to as "no shame parenting," where we can all just assume that we're doing our best and that there is no one right way.
I can't quote directly since I read a review copy from the publisher, but some of the bits I was most interested in talked about how much things change when you become a parent, how the age of the children is likely to dictate parental perception of how they spend their time, the difference between child-oriented leisure and your own, the cultural shift away from asking children to do chores and why that might be contributing to the problem of parental stress, the value of solitude and cultivating an interior life, the importance of sex and exercise, specific guidelines for bedtime (for the parent as well as the child,) and the value of finding likeminded parents as a support network.
The author interweaves a Parent Time Survey she conducted with her own experiences and other expert's viewpoints, which I liked, because it helps drive home the point that every parent and child situation will be different.
I was provided a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss, and it came out January 7, 2020.
This one is tackling the important topic of your identity outside your children, staying connected to your partner (assuming you have one,) staying connected to your friends (assuming they stick around,) and in general it falls under the umbrella of what the author refers to as "no shame parenting," where we can all just assume that we're doing our best and that there is no one right way.
I can't quote directly since I read a review copy from the publisher, but some of the bits I was most interested in talked about how much things change when you become a parent, how the age of the children is likely to dictate parental perception of how they spend their time, the difference between child-oriented leisure and your own, the cultural shift away from asking children to do chores and why that might be contributing to the problem of parental stress, the value of solitude and cultivating an interior life, the importance of sex and exercise, specific guidelines for bedtime (for the parent as well as the child,) and the value of finding likeminded parents as a support network.
The author interweaves a Parent Time Survey she conducted with her own experiences and other expert's viewpoints, which I liked, because it helps drive home the point that every parent and child situation will be different.
I was provided a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss, and it came out January 7, 2020.
November 10, 2019
Don't bother. An entire book composed of the author first complaining about not having enough time for herself, then writing about how terrible modern parents have it, then chapter by chapter talking about her life in each subject (marriage, sex, friends, responsible things like exercise and doctor's appointments, etc.), then talking about what her friends said about it, mentioning a bit of research about it, and offering a tip or two and moving on. It reads like a vanity project of an academic, upper class woman who wanted to write another book, from the very beginning when she complains that her young child wouldn't stay in bed at 7:30 the night she decided to start writing the book to the very end when she writes, "Just before I finished writing this book, I went on a week-long trip to Paris with my mother and sister-in-law."
This could have actually been a helpful book if the author had spent less time chatting about herself and her friends and actually tried to make it helpful. It would also be great if all mothers were not presumed to be privileged white women.
As an AP, homeschooling, work-at-home mother of five who's been doing this mothering business for 21 years, I get the need for finding time for ourselves (and our partners, hobbies, exercise, etc.). This book offers almost nothing that I would have found helpful in all this time. Also, it's a personal pet peeve when mothers of one or two very young children consider themselves expert enough to write parenting books. Other parents may find this helpful, but it didn't do much for me.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for the purpose of review.
This could have actually been a helpful book if the author had spent less time chatting about herself and her friends and actually tried to make it helpful. It would also be great if all mothers were not presumed to be privileged white women.
As an AP, homeschooling, work-at-home mother of five who's been doing this mothering business for 21 years, I get the need for finding time for ourselves (and our partners, hobbies, exercise, etc.). This book offers almost nothing that I would have found helpful in all this time. Also, it's a personal pet peeve when mothers of one or two very young children consider themselves expert enough to write parenting books. Other parents may find this helpful, but it didn't do much for me.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for the purpose of review.
December 4, 2022
3.5 stars
As a mother who values "me time" I appreciated the messaging in this book. However it's clear that the author is quite privileged position that made me feel a little jealous because I don't have resources and family support. Still, there were some good reminders here.
As a mother who values "me time" I appreciated the messaging in this book. However it's clear that the author is quite privileged position that made me feel a little jealous because I don't have resources and family support. Still, there were some good reminders here.
February 12, 2020
In spite of being a mom without a lot of spare time, I clearly did not fit the demographic for this book. I do not have a career, or wish for one; my husband does not have a flexible work schedule; I do not live in a city; I do not have a reasonable (i.e., two or fewer) number of children; my children are homeschooled and thus never leave the house without me; and I do not have pots of money for babysitters, date nights, or several weekend vacations a year. I got maybe two good tips from this book, but the rest of it was nothing new (have grandparents watch the kids! Move date night to Saturday morning!) or was oddly precise data (working moms spend 48.3 hours a week multitasking.) I should have found more time for myself by not reading this book.
February 12, 2020
Skimmed the second half of this, as it's overdue at the library (sort of funny considering the topic- I'm pretty sure I was the first one to put this on hold/check it out). I think this is a great book in many ways. It addresses the things that parents deal with, how to juggle the 1,000 things you need to do- not in parenting, but in managing your life and self as a person outside of being a parent, when so much time is devoted to parenting. However, as someone who is dealing with this as we speak (my kid just turned 3), I didn't find it that fun to read. Much of it was very "I know this already"- as I deal with this reality on a daily basis, and don't need reminders of how important all of the things are that I don't have time for. The book is sprinkled with some thoughtful advice/ideas on how to make things more manageable and make time for things, but the style of writing got really old for me after a while and frankly was a little depressing. I imagine the target audience of this book is someone like me- a person with a little kid who's feeling frazzled- and the format of the book was not my favorite. I would have preferred some bullet point style sections at the end of each chapter, and much more practical advice, rather than long narrative and the author's personal experiences. So, not a perfect book, but I think some may benefit from it.
January 22, 2020
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own.
The Kids Are In Bed: Finding Time For Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting is a self-help book that looks at how to make time for yourself after you've had kids.
I'm really on the fence about this one because while I didn't find much advice on how to make "me time" happen, other than the same basic advice you've probably heard a million times before. I found this book was basically just saying "make time for your self care, your partner, and your friends" and "don't lose yourself while trying to raise your offspring" in multiple different ways. I found it to be repetitive and it started to drag after the first chapter.
The only thing that kept me reading this book was the stories from other parents who had similar frustrations as I did. Without those I never would of gotten through the entire thing.
It's one of those books that could simply be a hit or miss depending on the reader. In the end, it was just okay for me.
The Kids Are In Bed: Finding Time For Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting is a self-help book that looks at how to make time for yourself after you've had kids.
I'm really on the fence about this one because while I didn't find much advice on how to make "me time" happen, other than the same basic advice you've probably heard a million times before. I found this book was basically just saying "make time for your self care, your partner, and your friends" and "don't lose yourself while trying to raise your offspring" in multiple different ways. I found it to be repetitive and it started to drag after the first chapter.
The only thing that kept me reading this book was the stories from other parents who had similar frustrations as I did. Without those I never would of gotten through the entire thing.
It's one of those books that could simply be a hit or miss depending on the reader. In the end, it was just okay for me.
August 13, 2020
If I never in my life encounter the term "pocket of indulgence" again, it will still be too soon. By the end of the book I was thoroughly sick of the phrase, but despite waning interest pushed through because I'm a completionist. I didn't really take anything new away from this, having already read Babyproofing Your Marriage and How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. Reading about the author's own experiences were interesting but not totally relevant to me, since my work and home lives are mostly well separated.
Also, though of course this isn't a reflection on the book, in the age of COVID the suggestions/anecdotes involving going out and/or socializing just made me sad that such things are no longer so straightforward. What I apparently need right now is a book on "how to take time for yourself when you have a kid but need to stay away from other people".
Also, though of course this isn't a reflection on the book, in the age of COVID the suggestions/anecdotes involving going out and/or socializing just made me sad that such things are no longer so straightforward. What I apparently need right now is a book on "how to take time for yourself when you have a kid but need to stay away from other people".
March 23, 2020
I always get so excited when I see these kinds of books, but they don't tell me anything new. Learn to work in short bursts. Get up early. Prioritze self-care (um, with what time). Nothing new learned, and too much focused on personal experience and anecdote as what you should do. Sigh.
November 17, 2019
The Kids Are in Bed was my first book by Rachel Bertsche. In a society where people (and especially parents) are feeling more burnt out than ever before, I love the idea of rethinking the time that we DO have. The Kids Are in Bed shared some proactive ideas for parents about not getting "stuck" in every day (sometimes very monotonous) family life grind and utilizing the downtime that you do have in your daily/weekly/monthly schedules.
I thought Bertsche really succeeded at sharing helping everyday tips and hack to not falling into the trap of not having enough time for ourselves, our marriage, friendships, etc. While life may look a lot different than it did "before kids" and the "downtime" we have may well be less, when we look at our habits and chunks of time, it can help us adjust the way we utilize it.
I did find that the stories in The Kids Are In Bed were primarily about her own very specific situation (with fairly young children), and although she did share ideas cited directly from other sources, I would have loved for there to be a bigger variety of examples of family life, especially with different aged children. The challenges vary so much as you move through the life stages of having kids at home from babies to teens...all with their own set of positives and challenges. I think this would open this book up to a larger audience and also help broaden the perspective beyond her own immediate experiences.
Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
I thought Bertsche really succeeded at sharing helping everyday tips and hack to not falling into the trap of not having enough time for ourselves, our marriage, friendships, etc. While life may look a lot different than it did "before kids" and the "downtime" we have may well be less, when we look at our habits and chunks of time, it can help us adjust the way we utilize it.
I did find that the stories in The Kids Are In Bed were primarily about her own very specific situation (with fairly young children), and although she did share ideas cited directly from other sources, I would have loved for there to be a bigger variety of examples of family life, especially with different aged children. The challenges vary so much as you move through the life stages of having kids at home from babies to teens...all with their own set of positives and challenges. I think this would open this book up to a larger audience and also help broaden the perspective beyond her own immediate experiences.
Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
August 2, 2022
Would not recommend it for Husbands and Fathers.
I picked this book up without reading the dust jacket. I had hoped that it would help with suggestions on keeping close to your spouse when you are so limited with free time due to having a child.
The first thing that stuck out about the book was how heavy it was directed towards mothers, not fathers.
There is some really good information in the book but it feels so anecdotal. When she does mention husbands/fathers it is almost always to point out how the situations are different for fathers.
In most situations, dads have slightly more free time than moms but that difference has been improving with husbands investing more and more in childraising.
Moms have many more support groups than men. Online there typically are 20 groups for moms for every 1 group there is for dads. She points this disparity out but it basically is a disappointing realization of how little there is out there to help out dads.
Some of the good suggestions from the book:
Think up a list of things you would enjoy doing when you have free time. Think of things that can be done with as little time as 20 min. This way you are not using your free time to think of things you can do.
Try and go to sleep at the same time as your spouse. Even if you are doing something separate in bed you are still spending time together.
Avoid screens in the bedroom. (No kidding but people use their phones for too much now.)
Try earlier bedtime to get the sleep you need.
Exercise. It will make you feel better.
Even with the good information, I felt like it was so targeted toward moms that I felt unimportant to the author. Although I completed the book quickly. I was really tempted to stop the book early on. I kinda wish I had because the later chapters were worse than the early chapters.
I picked this book up without reading the dust jacket. I had hoped that it would help with suggestions on keeping close to your spouse when you are so limited with free time due to having a child.
The first thing that stuck out about the book was how heavy it was directed towards mothers, not fathers.
There is some really good information in the book but it feels so anecdotal. When she does mention husbands/fathers it is almost always to point out how the situations are different for fathers.
In most situations, dads have slightly more free time than moms but that difference has been improving with husbands investing more and more in childraising.
Moms have many more support groups than men. Online there typically are 20 groups for moms for every 1 group there is for dads. She points this disparity out but it basically is a disappointing realization of how little there is out there to help out dads.
Some of the good suggestions from the book:
Think up a list of things you would enjoy doing when you have free time. Think of things that can be done with as little time as 20 min. This way you are not using your free time to think of things you can do.
Try and go to sleep at the same time as your spouse. Even if you are doing something separate in bed you are still spending time together.
Avoid screens in the bedroom. (No kidding but people use their phones for too much now.)
Try earlier bedtime to get the sleep you need.
Exercise. It will make you feel better.
Even with the good information, I felt like it was so targeted toward moms that I felt unimportant to the author. Although I completed the book quickly. I was really tempted to stop the book early on. I kinda wish I had because the later chapters were worse than the early chapters.
April 17, 2022
This book grew on me the further into it I got. I understand the negative reviews that mention the author complaining, not having much experience with only 2 young kids, and being overall privileged in most areas. I didn’t learn a lot of new tips as I’m pretty immersed in the worlds she recommended (mom groups, stay at home activities, weekly yoga, friends in the same life season, etc.) but honestly I liked it because it validated a lot of my similar feelings in most parenting instances. I do think it’s important to focus on yourself, date your spouse regularly, catch up with girlfriends often, and brainstorm solutions with other parents, with or without kids. So, whatever!
December 17, 2019
Thanks to the publisher for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
“Yet even those quiet moments didn’t feel entirely free. Free implies a person has nothing else to do, that there’s not a long list of obligations that could be attended to right then and there. For mothers especially, even time that is unaccounted for in her schedule—she’s not supposed to be at the office, she doesn’t have an appointment, there is nothing on her calendar, and her kids are under someone else’s care—still doesn’t feel free. There is an endless list of things she could, or should, be doing. As one mother of two reminded me: “The kids go to bed and there is laundry to wash, laundry to fold, bills to pay, toys to clean up, plus birthday parties to plan, schedules to organize . . .”
👆THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.👆 and I suspect a lot of you who have children, too. There’s always SOMETHING going on and you never feel like you can truly just relax.
I highlighted the heck out of this book. It spoke to me. I also enjoyed one of her other books, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend, a few years ago.
In addition to some really interesting studies and data, Rachel provides lots of helpful tips to help busy parents feel like they’re making the most of their “free time”. One thing I actually implemented was to create a list of ways to spend pockets of unexpected free time. That way, if you have 20 minutes between other things, you can squeeze in something you like (reading, watching s tv show, or a quick workout), instead of mindlessly scrolling social media.
Also with exercise, she reminds you that you could do a quick 10 minute work out video on YouTube rather than go to the gym. I squeezed in two quick 5 minute workouts last week after YEARS of not working out at all.
I know this sounds like obvious stuff but sometimes you just need a little reminder.
I wish I could give a copy of this book to all my friends. Highly recommend picking this one up when it comes out January 7th!
“Yet even those quiet moments didn’t feel entirely free. Free implies a person has nothing else to do, that there’s not a long list of obligations that could be attended to right then and there. For mothers especially, even time that is unaccounted for in her schedule—she’s not supposed to be at the office, she doesn’t have an appointment, there is nothing on her calendar, and her kids are under someone else’s care—still doesn’t feel free. There is an endless list of things she could, or should, be doing. As one mother of two reminded me: “The kids go to bed and there is laundry to wash, laundry to fold, bills to pay, toys to clean up, plus birthday parties to plan, schedules to organize . . .”
👆THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.👆 and I suspect a lot of you who have children, too. There’s always SOMETHING going on and you never feel like you can truly just relax.
I highlighted the heck out of this book. It spoke to me. I also enjoyed one of her other books, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend, a few years ago.
In addition to some really interesting studies and data, Rachel provides lots of helpful tips to help busy parents feel like they’re making the most of their “free time”. One thing I actually implemented was to create a list of ways to spend pockets of unexpected free time. That way, if you have 20 minutes between other things, you can squeeze in something you like (reading, watching s tv show, or a quick workout), instead of mindlessly scrolling social media.
Also with exercise, she reminds you that you could do a quick 10 minute work out video on YouTube rather than go to the gym. I squeezed in two quick 5 minute workouts last week after YEARS of not working out at all.
I know this sounds like obvious stuff but sometimes you just need a little reminder.
I wish I could give a copy of this book to all my friends. Highly recommend picking this one up when it comes out January 7th!
January 14, 2020
This should be required reading for all new parents. The research, coupled with personal anecdotes, helped me feel validated and understood with my challenges, but unlike other similar books, this one had concrete ways to carve out that important time for yourself.
September 25, 2023
Changed my life. I think I will gift to all new Moms. I think the biggest is list of 7 things to do in 20 spare minutes. Also the amount of time we spend with our kids is not correlated to how successful they will be. So next time you wonder self care for you or give all to the kids, slap on a face mask and do something you love.
February 1, 2022
I liked this enough. Some sections got a little boring, but overall it was a decent book.
April 17, 2020
I first off want to tell you that if you are a parent during the quarantine who find theirselves evaluating your life, this may be a great book to help you.
.
The Kids Are In Bed by Rachel Bertsche @thekidsareinbed was a book that I found by accident. I was skimming through my Libby app looking for an audiobook to listen to, when this popped up. It was truly the book that I needed at that moment. It talked about how to prioritize your time. It made me realize what a gift my time was, and I examined how I used it. I felt empowered to not only be the mom to 4 little humans, but To know I am still a Christian, wife, reader, traveler, nurse and friend. She gives many practical ways for you to take hold of the free time you never knew you had and encourage you to use it intentionally. With the pandemic hitting our country pretty hard I think many people (myself included) have had a wake up call. I see the importance of slowing down, of being intentional with time and with those around me. I love the practical ideas that the author gives you on how to make changes. Her reasons are backed up with research and great examples. So because I found this book at a time in my life when I needed it I give it 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 /5. This would be a great gift to a new mom or one who is struggling to “find herself”.
January 23, 2021
Not terrible, but not life changing. Author was writing from a very specific POV- upper middle class, suburban, married, working mom with a husband who helps out, and lots of family very close. So..... I concede this is not for everyone (but hey, isn’t the saying “write what you know”?). I did find a few ideas that I think I will put into practice, the first being having a list of things to do (that you actually like to do!) for when you find yourself with that surprise bit of “free time”. I also found I do not like the phrase “pocket of indulgence”, although I get what the author is doing, I am perfectly fine with my poorly defined “leisure time”.
Also, I like how she drew attention to the lack of support for stay at home dads! But where was her mention or inclusion of single parents? Did I miss it? They too deserve pockets of indulgence, probably more than anyone. Maybe a little more research heavy, a little more inclusion outside your experience and a few less personal anecdotes.
However, the very beginning hit very spot on with me. I found myself nodding and crying and laughing my along in solidarity to the stories of the daily routine. It did touch something with me, so I am definitely glad I read this.
Finally, I listened to this audiobook and I really like the narrator, which I believe was the author, so that’s always a plus too!
Also, I like how she drew attention to the lack of support for stay at home dads! But where was her mention or inclusion of single parents? Did I miss it? They too deserve pockets of indulgence, probably more than anyone. Maybe a little more research heavy, a little more inclusion outside your experience and a few less personal anecdotes.
However, the very beginning hit very spot on with me. I found myself nodding and crying and laughing my along in solidarity to the stories of the daily routine. It did touch something with me, so I am definitely glad I read this.
Finally, I listened to this audiobook and I really like the narrator, which I believe was the author, so that’s always a plus too!
March 9, 2020
***Free ARC provided by NetGalley***
The title of this book suggests that at the end, you will walk away with some concrete ideas on how to make time for yourself as a parent. In reality, the book repeats much of the same information found in a variety of other books, and ultimately will not solve your time crunch problem. At least it didn't for me. Nearly all of the references she made in the book (and there were many!) were ones I recognized and knew, but for someone new to the genre of modern parenting, this might be a good starting place. The suggestions are also wildly indicative of the author's position in society, and while she very briefly addresses this in the beginning, I think more could have been said to clarify this. Frankly, there are already more than enough books addressing the well-to-do parent's woes. There isn't enough new information or insight in this one to make it a worthwhile read, unless, like I said, you're new to this.
The title of this book suggests that at the end, you will walk away with some concrete ideas on how to make time for yourself as a parent. In reality, the book repeats much of the same information found in a variety of other books, and ultimately will not solve your time crunch problem. At least it didn't for me. Nearly all of the references she made in the book (and there were many!) were ones I recognized and knew, but for someone new to the genre of modern parenting, this might be a good starting place. The suggestions are also wildly indicative of the author's position in society, and while she very briefly addresses this in the beginning, I think more could have been said to clarify this. Frankly, there are already more than enough books addressing the well-to-do parent's woes. There isn't enough new information or insight in this one to make it a worthwhile read, unless, like I said, you're new to this.
September 1, 2022
“So much of the ‘leisure time’ we do have is spent on activities that are largely unfulfilling (see scrolling social media). But we engage in them because they take minimal effort and we’re too tired to make good decisions about our time. By the time we realize we don’t really want to spend our whole evening reading status updates or online shopping for shoes we might never buy, we’re ready to pass out.”
“But overall, I am not fulfilled by seeing other people’s vacation photos, or reading their political rants, and these people are generally not even my real friends but say, my childhood neighbor’s cousin. ‘The problem of course is that people have leisure time and they use it mindlessly for things that don’t rejuvenate them.’”
Time for me to stop watching others’ lives and live my beautiful one I’ve been blessed with!🙏🏼
“But overall, I am not fulfilled by seeing other people’s vacation photos, or reading their political rants, and these people are generally not even my real friends but say, my childhood neighbor’s cousin. ‘The problem of course is that people have leisure time and they use it mindlessly for things that don’t rejuvenate them.’”
Time for me to stop watching others’ lives and live my beautiful one I’ve been blessed with!🙏🏼
April 25, 2020
Three hours of my life that I wish I could get back to spend on something worthwhile—which was NOT this book. I stopped reading on page 155. By the title of this book, the kids are in bed: finding time for yourself in the chaos of parenting, you think it’ll help you do just that. It doesn’t. And honestly, reading it is a waste of time.
Bertsche is a terrific writer of articles but not so much of books. As another reviewer has said she spends a lot of time talking about herself and her friends, and trust me when I tell you that her life looks nothing like yours or mine.
Use the time you would have spent reading this book to get a massage, facial and pedicure (why did I not do this?!?) or go dinner and a movie by yourself or with friends. Do anything else but read this trite book.
Bertsche is a terrific writer of articles but not so much of books. As another reviewer has said she spends a lot of time talking about herself and her friends, and trust me when I tell you that her life looks nothing like yours or mine.
Use the time you would have spent reading this book to get a massage, facial and pedicure (why did I not do this?!?) or go dinner and a movie by yourself or with friends. Do anything else but read this trite book.
July 27, 2020
I didn’t love this book as much as I thought I would.
I bought it primarily to get some practical advice on how to make time for myself once Ryan and Thomas are in bed, and then once I’ve made time get ideas on what I could do.
The book outlines the what, but not the how. It details everything you can do when you get time to yourself at night, from exercise, self-care, planning, catching up with friends, and many things that you can’t do at night such as attending doctor and dentist appointments, and having solo dates out and about.
Whilst the research and stories from the author’s life kept me reading the book, it didn’t give me anything new or anything substantial to put into practice.
I bought it primarily to get some practical advice on how to make time for myself once Ryan and Thomas are in bed, and then once I’ve made time get ideas on what I could do.
The book outlines the what, but not the how. It details everything you can do when you get time to yourself at night, from exercise, self-care, planning, catching up with friends, and many things that you can’t do at night such as attending doctor and dentist appointments, and having solo dates out and about.
Whilst the research and stories from the author’s life kept me reading the book, it didn’t give me anything new or anything substantial to put into practice.
June 14, 2020
I didn’t love this book BUT I didn’t hate it either. For a single mom a lot of the beginning is a little unrelatable but I did have some big take away from it such as the need for time to just yourself, that you are a whole person and not just a mom. The bit about friends was good as well as the pockets of indulgence. All and all, I learned from this book so I think it would be helpful for overwhelmed parents to read.
October 9, 2021
Honestly I really disliked this. All the same advice you already know, written like a Salon article, and the book is really designed for mothers like her... privileged, upper class, married, straight, working women with a couple of small children and utterly mainstream lives. Yawn. It gave me nothing new, nothing helpful, and I honestly didn't like her. Not all of us get to go to Paris when we need a break. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
April 18, 2024
Đánh giá: 3.5/5 sao
Cuốn sách có phong cách viết khá thân thiện, dễ đọc, dễ tiếp cận.
Các chủ đề xoay quanh việc cân bằng cuộc sống của cả phụ huynh và con cái.
Một vài ý hay:
- Thời gian của chúng ta dành cho con cái là nhiều hơn, đương nhiên nó sẽ chiếm chỗ thời gian của cá nhân. Tuy nhiên, ta lại có rất nhiều khoảng thời gian rảnh với thời lượng ngắn (3 phút, 5 phút, 20 phút...), hãy biết tận dụng chúng để có thể làm được những việc có ích (giải trí, học tập, nghỉ ngơi, thể dục...).
- Bên cạnh vai trò là phụ huynh, chúng ta cũng còn có nhiều vai trò khác trong cuộc sống, đừng chỉ vì muốn vào vai phụ huynh hoàn hảo mà quên mất rằng mình còn nhiều vai khác cũng quan trọng không kém. Do đó, hãy để cho con cái có không gian phù hợp.
- Trẻ càng lớn, sẽ có càng nhiều thách thức (và cũng tăng dần độ khó) mà chúng ta phải đối mặt, hãy chấp nhận và sống chung với đi��u đó, đừng cố kiểm soát (vì bạn không thể kiểm soát được đâu), còn cần phải có không gian để lớn.
- Muốn cho đi điều gì thì bạn phải có cái đó trước đã. Hãy là một người có hạnh phúc từ bên trong, thì mới dễ dàng mang đến hạnh phúc cho con cái và người thân được.
- Hãy kết bạn với những phụ huynh cùng khu, có con cái cùng tầm tuổi, có cùng mối quan tâm với mình. Chúng ta sẽ giúp được những người đó nhiều điều, và ngược lại.
Tổng kết lại, đây là một cuốn sách nên đọc, sẽ có nhiều mẹo hay, cách nghĩ hay có thể ứng dụng được ngay cho các phụ huynh mới có con.
Cuốn sách có phong cách viết khá thân thiện, dễ đọc, dễ tiếp cận.
Các chủ đề xoay quanh việc cân bằng cuộc sống của cả phụ huynh và con cái.
Một vài ý hay:
- Thời gian của chúng ta dành cho con cái là nhiều hơn, đương nhiên nó sẽ chiếm chỗ thời gian của cá nhân. Tuy nhiên, ta lại có rất nhiều khoảng thời gian rảnh với thời lượng ngắn (3 phút, 5 phút, 20 phút...), hãy biết tận dụng chúng để có thể làm được những việc có ích (giải trí, học tập, nghỉ ngơi, thể dục...).
- Bên cạnh vai trò là phụ huynh, chúng ta cũng còn có nhiều vai trò khác trong cuộc sống, đừng chỉ vì muốn vào vai phụ huynh hoàn hảo mà quên mất rằng mình còn nhiều vai khác cũng quan trọng không kém. Do đó, hãy để cho con cái có không gian phù hợp.
- Trẻ càng lớn, sẽ có càng nhiều thách thức (và cũng tăng dần độ khó) mà chúng ta phải đối mặt, hãy chấp nhận và sống chung với đi��u đó, đừng cố kiểm soát (vì bạn không thể kiểm soát được đâu), còn cần phải có không gian để lớn.
- Muốn cho đi điều gì thì bạn phải có cái đó trước đã. Hãy là một người có hạnh phúc từ bên trong, thì mới dễ dàng mang đến hạnh phúc cho con cái và người thân được.
- Hãy kết bạn với những phụ huynh cùng khu, có con cái cùng tầm tuổi, có cùng mối quan tâm với mình. Chúng ta sẽ giúp được những người đó nhiều điều, và ngược lại.
Tổng kết lại, đây là một cuốn sách nên đọc, sẽ có nhiều mẹo hay, cách nghĩ hay có thể ứng dụng được ngay cho các phụ huynh mới có con.
February 11, 2020
Great read.
Incredibly well researched and engaging. I’m not sure what I expected - maybe to get some good tips, but mostly bemusement - yet I was surprised at how surprised I was. I felt like she cracked open my brain and exposed my innermost thoughts. (How did she know I think that way??)
Everything was practical. Nothing mind-blowing; I knew it all, really. But it was presented in an almost scientific fashion (yet somehow anecdotal) that left me feeling inspired and determined. And I loved how authentic and personable and inclusive she is.
I like this girl.
“We may not all have four hours a day for leisure, but we all have something, and the difference between feeling regretful about that time and refreshed by it is all in how we use it.”
Incredibly well researched and engaging. I’m not sure what I expected - maybe to get some good tips, but mostly bemusement - yet I was surprised at how surprised I was. I felt like she cracked open my brain and exposed my innermost thoughts. (How did she know I think that way??)
Everything was practical. Nothing mind-blowing; I knew it all, really. But it was presented in an almost scientific fashion (yet somehow anecdotal) that left me feeling inspired and determined. And I loved how authentic and personable and inclusive she is.
I like this girl.
“We may not all have four hours a day for leisure, but we all have something, and the difference between feeling regretful about that time and refreshed by it is all in how we use it.”
December 23, 2020
As a mom of 2 young children with not enough time for herself, I reached for this book eagerly anticipating some helpful tips. I found very few practical suggestions - the author has a strong support system with a helpful husband and relatives that live close by and can takeover when needed, in addition to daycare. Unless your family/ working profile is similar to hers, many of her recommendations are difficult to implement. The research she quotes were distracting and did not add to her arguments for me. The gist for me from this book is just to really make time for yourself and your relationship with your husband - find time to get away, go on dates, or spend time with your friends. All pretty well known ideas in need of better insights.
April 8, 2024
This was a DNF for me. I wanted it to be a practical, actionable book for busy and overtired parents. Instead, it reads like a thesis with the few personal touches coming across as achievements being flaunted. I stopped after the usual trope of self-care for women, finding a lump in the breast. The author hasn’t dealt with any mental or physical health issues herself, and you can tell when she says she couldn’t imagine spending a whole day at different doctors being poked and prodded. I also kept waiting for what to do when your kid isn’t in fact in bed, but pops up like a Jack in the box needing your attention during the hours between their bedtime and yours, but this didn’t come up.
December 31, 2019
I loved this author's first book about finding female friendships. It was the perfect blend of information and narrative. This book is so heavy on information that it was hard for me to get through. It felt more like an insanely long research paper than a book. I am a busy parent of five and could not sustain reading this book because it felt so much like "homework".
If you're looking for a parent's guide that is heavy on research, studies, facts, and figures then this is a great book for you. As a busy mom of five kids, I found it much too heavy to wade through.
If you're looking for a parent's guide that is heavy on research, studies, facts, and figures then this is a great book for you. As a busy mom of five kids, I found it much too heavy to wade through.
June 19, 2020
I liked how the author didn’t claim to have a handle on everything and often talked about both what did and didn’t work for her. The main take always for me were to have some choices ahead of time to be able to pick from so that when you have free time you’re not like a deer in the headlights. You are a whole person, not just a parent and you’ll actually be a better parent if you embrace that and put thought and time and invest in yourself in other areas of life. Also, work hard to keep friendships and make new ones.
March 9, 2021
What a lovely, frothy book to convey to the lovely, frothy attitude that you will survive your time with children so long as you look after yourself and your adult relationships in a reasonable way. Many advice books tend to be so prescriptive with what self-care looks like, or what qualifies as taking care of adult relationships. Bertsche embraces the spirit of the law, rather than the letter, in order to create a fun guide to what real people can realistically do to improve their lives. Adding in a light touch of humor helps it all go down sweetly.
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