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They were my tormenters. Now, they’re all that stands between me and my nightmares.

Trey, Quinn, and Ayaz—the king, the joker, and the enigma.
Three guys who’ve flipped my life upside down,
set my heart on fire,
and shown me that nothing is as it seems.

Last quarter, they broke me. I thought that was the worst it could get at Miskatonic Prep.

I was wrong.

Twenty years ago, a tragedy changed this school forever.
Arrogance turned this place of learning into a house of horrors.
Greed awoke something from the deep.

And that something waits, dead but dreaming, beneath the gymnasium.
Waiting for its next target.
Waiting for me.

I want to trust the guys.
I want their friendship.
I want so much more.
And right now, I need their help. But after what they did to me, how can I let them in?

Secrets. Lies. Sacrifice.
Welcome to my nightmare.

Welcome to Miskatonic Prep.

HP Lovecraft meets Cruel Intentions in this dark paranormal reverse harem bully romance. Warning: Not for the faint of heart – this story of three broken bad boys and the girl who stood her ground contains dark themes, crazed cultists, books bound in human skin, high-school drama, swoon-worthy sex, and potential triggers.

332 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 26, 2019

1565 people are currently reading
1443 people want to read

About the author

Steffanie Holmes

84 books1,359 followers
Steffanie Holmes is the author of steamy historical and paranormal romance. Her books feature clever, witty heroines, wild shifters, cunning witches and alpha males who get what they want.

Before becoming a writer, Steffanie worked as an archaeologist and museum curator. She loves to explore historical settings and ancient conceptions of love and possession. From Dark Age Europe to crumbling gothic estates, Steffanie is fascinated with how love can blossom between the most unlikely characters.

Steffanie lives in New Zealand with her husband and a horde of cantankerous cats. Learn more about Steffanie at her website: www.steffanieholmes.com. She also writes dark science fiction under the name S C Green.

Want to be informed when the next Steffanie Holmes paranormal romance story goes live? Sign up for the mailing list! http://eepurl.com/ZrowD

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5 stars
1,053 (36%)
4 stars
957 (32%)
3 stars
680 (23%)
2 stars
167 (5%)
1 star
66 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 229 reviews
Profile Image for Alaina.
7,345 reviews203 followers
October 15, 2019
Eh, I feel like the first book was a lot better than this one. Still liked it though.

Initiated was an okay sequel. Definitely got defeated the second book syndrome if you ask me. It had potential but then fell flat. Especially during some scenes that I usually look forward to (cough cough sexual scenes).

Just like the first book, this one has bullying.. but a bit more? It's not just her love interests bullying her left and right - nope, more have joined in on the fun! Ugh, I hate bullying and it still makes zero sense to me that someone who is your love interest.. is into bullying you? No idea what drives people into falling in love with that type of disastrous relationship - but to each their own?

Other than that, I felt like some scenes were a bit out there. I don't really want to go into detail but I felt like she should been hospitalized or something.. or idk be on the brink of death after ya know - drinking poison? Maybe it's just me.

Overall, Hazel was okay in this one. Nothing really happened in this book that got me super invested into it. I might go into the third book but I might not - who knows.
Profile Image for Jel.
148 reviews42 followers
January 24, 2023
I have mixed feelings.

Mini rant:

The book feels like a wattpad fanfic but it keeps me wanting more. I was promised hot seggs scenes since book one (none of that happened). Yet, I got the first and ONLY seggs scene in the near last chapter of the book, with my least fav character as well. I was pissed of course.

I was honestly so sure about giving this a 3 stars but then the heroine (Hazel) chooses to lose her virginity to my least favorite character in the harem, Ayez. I wanted to puke every time I thought of him f*cking the headmistress (his c*ck went in and out roughly...) so when the h chose him as her first, I wanted to give this a one star rating. But I couldn't. This book also left on a cliffhanger again. Oh well. I am used to it now. Somewhat. Even though there were reasons for him to have seggs with the old lady, I still felt disgusted. (spoilers- She forced him have seggs with her/ raped him in order to not do worse things to the people he care about). I wanna punch that hag, she even has a frankenstein like lab underground.

Characters:

Trey- One of the kings in the school, holds the most authority. Has icy blue eyes with red streaks I think. Pushed the heroine off a cliff (due to reasons)
Quinn- Another one of the kings. Known as the manwhore of the academy. My favorite character, surprisingly. He keeps trying to seduce the h and doesn't really bully her like the others. Gets abused by his dad every time the dad comes to the academy (black swollen eyes etc). Smells of coconut and pineapple, like a surfer.
Ayaz- Turkish boy from the middle class. Adopted by Trey's dad to make himself look better and the dad sealed a contract deal with Ayaz's parents to get into the oil industry. Smells of opium. Wtf.
Hazel- She is not very likeable, is hot and cold (one second she wants to get back at the guys, the next she wants to bang them and include them in her revenge plans) but is quite loyal to her friends. She is just very annoying and I can't seem to root for her. She has this weird fire powers and every time she gets hurt, the evil god also feels her pain so the school cant do anything to her even though she is creating a havoc. She retaliates against her bullies but it isn't that satisfying AS I don't really root for her.

SPOILERS

Everyone in the school is dead. Has been dead since the Miskatonic prep fire incident however, nobody outside the campus knows about this. The students are all ghosts including the guys and they are under some evil scheme. Their parents literally sent them to the school to be killed in order to maintain their status in the outside world. They have not aged at all and has maintained their youth ever since their kids die which was 20 years ago. Four scholarship students are chosen to come to the school and turned into sacrifices to feed the evil god (so the parents will get power). Some evil cult bullshit. The parents are considered alumni of the school and they would come visit occasionally to keep stuff in check. If the kids rebel, they will be punished.

It's pretty interesting and makes you hungry for more.

Rant:

The heroine kept 'demanding.' It got so annoying. She sounded like a spoilt brat but she's from the 'gutters' as she kept emphasizing on that dozens of times. She would demand the headmistress, maids, the guys, everyone. She constantly asks why the others don't try to change the system and why don't they stand up for themselves. Girlie. Not everyone has the same willpower and no one is as Mary sue as you are. Every time she is in danger, some miracle happens and she is saved. Especially with her snooping character, she would have died a thousand times had it not been for her heroine role.

The words 'I demanded', flames, fire, heat (used when she is with the guys) were repeated over 100 times I became sick of it. It makes me feel like I was reading some kids fanfic.

Random things kept on happening making it quite unrealistic at times. The headmistress is some evil woman who has the ability to resurrect the dead (probably due to the evil god). She used to be in the outside world but now she is stuck in this school for 20 years. Should've been sent to prison but had back up so she claimed her position in this school.
Profile Image for Jessica ❥Chatterbooks Book Blog❥.
884 reviews3,429 followers
October 7, 2019
Hmmm.... There are some things in this book that bothered the shit out of me, but at the same time, I feel like I need to know how it ends. The story itself is unique in some ways as far as the supernatural aspect, and it has a nice creepy, gothic, dark tone to it that is perfect for this time of year. The ending also had me super intrigued. I won't go into details for spoiler's sake, but I don't really know how to rate this. For now, I guess I will go with middle of the road.
Profile Image for Tanja.
399 reviews23 followers
June 4, 2021
I was so stunned and angry with the ending that I cannot precisely determine how I feel about the book as a whole. So many things happened, a lot of revelations, but so many setbacks as well. Our lead, Hazel, is seriously starting to get on my nerves.
Profile Image for hugsandcookies.
990 reviews81 followers
July 26, 2019
I still can't wrap my head around this craziness....

I am not okay. I am not okay with this ending. Seriously not okay cause what is going on. A cliffhanger that left me with a headache and I really want to punch something😗what I didn't expect for this book was more secrets unraveling and then I'm like, who the hell should Hazel trust and not trust or what better yet what is happening to Trey, Quinn and Ayaz. Although I did feel Hazel was a bit obnoxious and bratty, I wished she listened to her friends Greg and Andre more, but this book is angst on another level of bullying, crazy and I want more........
Profile Image for Leo.
4,984 reviews627 followers
Read
April 17, 2021
Still got 3 hours left of the audio book but this was just not my type of a romance. Turns out it was the second book so I might have thought differently if I had read the first one. But I just didn't feel the romance between the characters and I was rather bored listening to it.
Profile Image for Kelly.
1,328 reviews526 followers
July 31, 2019
For some reason, at first I couldn't remember much except from the ending of the first book and I kept confusing the Surviving Year One book with this series but after a while, it was fine. I found this sequel interesting and I thought it was a quick read. However, I can't help but feel a bit disappointed by it. One thing I didn't like were the sex scenes (Okay there was like 1.5 scenes, but still). I rolled my eyes at the writing in those scenes which felt overdone? (I don't know how to explain it... sorry!) and they were the opposite of what you'd want, meaning they weren't exciting. It's a bummer because now I'm just not excited to see their relationships develop in that way.

In Initiated, there's still bullying happening just not from the love interests. At one time, she is beaten up and forced to drink household product (sorry, I don't know what it's called in english, but basically something poisonous) and other than drinking milk afterward and throwing up, she seemed to be okay quite quickly in my opinion. I would have expected her to not be okay, especially not so soon after...

Hazel having power is mentioned but not really explained in this book so I hope we'll find out a bit more in the next one. Also, I don't really get the dreams that she's having, it's a bit confusing. I know I seem negative but I still like this series enough to want to keep going. :)
Profile Image for ⋆☆☽ Kriss ☾☆⋆.
625 reviews210 followers
December 28, 2019
Pretty much everything I didn't care for in book #1 wasn't a real problem here anymore. It's a definite improvement in just about every sector, which is good, because it makes me want to continue into the next book and, god willing, finish the series when the final book comes out in a few days.

When I read books, I usually have a word document open so I can take notes, and usually a lot of bullet points means I have a lot of things to talk about and they're generally bad things. Book #1 had at least a page of me spewing my immediate thoughts and feelings about things, but, throughout book #2, I didn't really feel a need to write much. I took two total notes:

1) Greg's character is given more depth; his stereotypical nature is deliberate and explained as a sort of coping mechanism. I found that sort of clever actually, wasn't expecting that for a side character, so I'll make an amendment in my book #1 review.
2) The content editing wasn't totally sound; I noted a few places where information was pointlessly reiterated, like we're told in two separate places only a few pages apart what Courtney's Halloween costume is.

Besides this, the characterization, plot, and content are all looking up. Hazel isn't just stupidly horny all the time, there's reason for a conflict because the boys haven't just been cruel to her and they've helped her through some dangerous stuff, so she has some tender feelings growing, yet she isn't just going to forget everything they've done and forgive them, so we have turmoil and conflict, not just Hazel jumping on the "yep we're in love and dating and I forgive you" train that some bully romances like to take. Honestly the romance aspect is pretty subdued and feels like growing feelings rather than insta-love, which I appreciate. I like that complexity and I like that the plot is thickening; there's several conflicts, several antagonists, several things we still don't know, several ways this could all play out. Book #2 has much more of what I was hoping to get out of book #1.

The ending cliffhanger is also done better. It's still really sudden and harsh, but it works better in this case than it did in book #1, though it also is now making me feel like this series is very... serial-installment style, which I resent. I wouldn't pay the $4 price tag for this book or its predecessor. Especially since, again, the last 7% isn't even part of the story but author's notes, other book excerpts, other book promotion, and author bio.

This installment contains the usual swearing and more mature content warning; there's a sex scene and a scene of graphic intimacy, so this is an upper teen, sort of NA style series.

Ah, what else? There might be more but, this wasn't bad enough for me to write a long rant, nor was it good enough for me to really sing its praises. It just kept my interest and was something I got through pretty easily and quickly.
Profile Image for Emma James.
Author 30 books1,497 followers
May 27, 2020
RATING: 4 STARS

I still liked the originality of this bully, but maybe for me personally, not as good as book 1.
12 reviews
August 6, 2019
Young Adult Romance

The first book in this series grabbed my attention and I devoured it in hours. Was buzzing when this
was released early, however it just wasn't as good as the first.
The plot thickened and I did read it all but this is a young adult romance, NOT a supernatural new adult romance.
Lots of time was spent saving, helping, hanging with her friends. I would of liked more interaction with the lead characters. I felt this book slightly lost its way. A pretty important deadline occurs and yet people are singing, doing pranks and then she's being removed all of a sudden. This feels like a very clumsy YA book with some added steam to make it adult.
Too many mixed storylines are occurring and it's put me off. If the 3rd book is the final I may give it a try but if she intends to do more I may leave it here.
Profile Image for Tia.
218 reviews4 followers
July 29, 2019
Love

Steff has done it again with the mindf*ck!! You think you know what’s going on and then you don’t. It was amazing and I can’t wait for the third book! Read this right meow
Profile Image for CeCe.
3,612 reviews109 followers
June 14, 2020
06/14/20 - Book 2 felt like a filler. Unfortunately a disappointment for me.

09/02/19 - I am taking a break from this one for the time being. I am not sure why I can't get into it.
Profile Image for Saint Fitz.
270 reviews
Read
April 17, 2020
DNF at 30%.
---
Hazel is supposed to be a bad-ass from the streets or some-such nonsense, but her refrain went thusly:

Dudes almost kill her by dangling her off a cliff by her throat.
Dudettes tar her hair so she has to cut it all off.
Dudes embarrass her.
Dudes threaten her at every turn.
Dudes steal her shit and destroy her most precious possession.

*she cracks knuckles* "They are all gonna payyyyyyyy! they are going down! I'm going to RUIN them so hard. they will rue the day they cross me! muwahahahah! I ran from meth dealers and had a hooker/stripper mom and all my friends from my old life were so hardened that they will never know what is coming upon them! FEAR ME, MORTAL PEONS."

*sprinkles itching powder down their pants* giggles. Feels instantly guilty about it and then makes out with ALL OF THE GUYS in a single day.

"ohhhhhh they paid so bad! I'm so evil! they won't know what hit them next time!"

*end scene*

Seriously, Hazel ("Haze"--gag!) is about as bad ass as a whoopee cushion filled with farts. All talk, no action. No backbone. I am BORED BORED BORED and sorry...but the dudes aren't exactly enticing me to read onward, either. The author's descriptions of some of the characters is pretty racist/stereotyping, and I don't even think I can blame it on it being "from Hazel's perspective." If you want a real, off-the-rails, so-wrong-but-you-can't-look-away bully RH academy, pick up Hannaford Prep instead. Same triggers--like lots of casual murder and stuff (be warned)--and the bullying is a lot worse, but at least the MC stands up for herself, and the OTT drama fits with the characterization and plot.
Profile Image for Gizelle Chia.
556 reviews10 followers
December 26, 2019
**EDIT**
I finished the book. I wasn’t really impressed, I’m reading solely bc I want to know how it ends. Not bc I’m particularly enjoying it. It’s like a car-crash and I just can’t look away.

The heroine wasn’t likeable and the chemistry was none existent within her so called harem. There also isn’t anything particularly alluring about the men either. I’m not a fan.

The whole mention of racial segregation and white privilege was unnecessary to the plot. I think the author should leave that alone.

I rate this book 1.5 stars simply bc I’m so compelled to see where this shit show ends... That’s got to count for something right?! Oh and the book cover is pretty.



DNF at 25% - Possible spoilers below

I was so intrigued at the end of book one but with the revelation at the start of this book I realised that this plot just wasn’t doing it for me. I don’t know what genre this book wanted to be, the story telling was quite disjointed and I didn’t really feel any chemistry between the heroine and hero’s.

The heroine seemed to blindly accept the crazy cult world she’d found herself in and she didn’t even bat an eyelid that she was lusting after undead guys that are twice her age. The romance was forced and the fact she possessed some time of fire affinity power that she barely acknowledged was quite frustrating.

The creepy atmosphere and secrecy seemed forced and that just isn’t my cup of tea.

Even though I’d like to know how the story ends I don’t think I’m going to continue reading. I’m just not enjoying the story telling. But damnit I need to know the endgame... So I just don’t know. Maybe I’ll try again later
Profile Image for Natalie  H.
3,796 reviews30 followers
August 4, 2019
Following on from the first book, Hazel now knows everyone is dead. From there the story is pretty much a mind fuck. Who to trust, who to protect, what is going on. The bullying in this one is mainly one sided but it is dangerous.

I like how Hazel doesn’t forgive easily, she knows what the guys and everyone else has done to her. At the same time she’s torn about the guys. Slowly the mysteries are revealing themselves but with each revelation, things twist and Hazel seems to be the crazy one, as well as dangerous.

Ends on a cliffhanger and I know the next one is gonna be harsh. The sex creeped me because Ick they’re dead. Not zombies or anything but still sounds gross. Still I wanna see what happens next.
Profile Image for Library Of Mandy.
28 reviews
June 19, 2025
Nach einem wahnsinnigen Cliffhanger in Teil 1, geht es in "Initiated" von Steffanie Holmes nahtlos weiter. Hazel möchte den Fluch der Miskatonic Academy brechen und erarbeitet einen Rache-Plan. Dieses Mal wird das anfängliche Mobbing zu üblen Psycho-Spielchen, die Hazel und den Leser wirklich an den Rand des Wahnsinns treiben. Gleichzeitig nimmt sie zunehmend ihr Schicksal selbst in die Hand.
Der nahtlose Übergang aus Teil 1 macht den Einstieg in das Buch sehr leicht und befriedigt definitiv den Aufruhr, den man nach dem Cliffhanger innerlich verspürt. Gleichzeitig werden wichtige Ereignisse trotzdem noch einmal kurz und knapp nacherzählt, sodass man auch mit einer Pause zwischen den beiden Teilen gut wieder zurecht kommt. Wer die Teile direkt nacheinander hört, so wie ich, der fühlt sich durch die kurze Wiederholung allerdings auch nicht gestört.
Die Entwicklungen der Charaktere sind unglaublich spannend beschrieben. Hazel wehrt sich nunmehr nicht mehr bloß, sondern geht in den Angriff über, während die Könige sich ihrer Fehler bewusst werden. Die Dynamiken nehmen eine tolle Richtung an.
Neben den schulischen und zwischenmenschlichen Geschehnissen bleibt die Story um den Fluch der Schule, was ebenfalls mit Hazel eine spannende Wendung nimmt.
Jedoch ist auch in diesem Buch der Cliffhanger, mit dem Steffanie Holmes endet, wirklich der Wahnsinn. Es lässt einen an allem zweifeln, was man bisher gelesen/gehört hat. Ich bin sehr gespannt, wie es im nächsten Teil weitergeht. Teil 3 ist als Buch bereits erschienen, nun heißt es warten auf das nächste Hörbuch.
Profile Image for mdarko.
113 reviews1 follower
October 20, 2019
Rispetto al primo libro della serie mi è piaciuto decisamente di meno.
La storia riprende esattamente dove era terminata e fin da subito ci vengono svelati diversi dettagli che fino a quel momento erano poco chiari.
Finite le rivelazioni, la trama si concentra di nuovo sulla scuola e i vari drammi tra gli studenti.
Per quanto mi riguarda, di drammi ce ne sono anche troppi. Senz'altro mantengono la trama movimentata, ma considerando la situazione che ci viene presentata ho trovato esagerate diverse cose, prima tra tutti il comportamento della protagonista.
Probabilmente sono io che preferisco dei personaggi che sanno perdonare e che non cadono in basso con la storia del "dente per dente".
Verso la fine abbiamo qualche colpo di scena e la parte romance fa un piccolo passo avanti.
Avrei detto che nell'insieme è quasi noioso se non fosse per l'ultimo capitolo che ha completamente ribaltato le carte in tavola e ci ha lasciati con una grossa domanda.
Profile Image for Myndi .
1,544 reviews51 followers
June 18, 2020
I was so drawn into the first book in this series, I just had to get into book 2. The bullying has stopped from the Kings, but other students at Derleth are still not happy that Hazel is there. Also, there is the whole mystery of what happened to the students and how to possibly save them. Hazel is on a mission. But she's also weary, she doesn't know if she can trust Trey, Quinn and Ayaz. But she's also drawn to them in ways she doesn't quite understand.

There is so much drama, heat and mystery in this series, it's almost impossible to put the books down. I love the differences between Hazel's relationship with each of the Kings. I also love Greg and Andre and what they bring to the story.

I can't wait to read the rest of the series, each book seems to end with a cliffhanger more enticing than the last!
Profile Image for ErikaWasReading.
514 reviews16 followers
December 1, 2021
~2.5

This one is...better?

I do enjoy the Lovecraft meets Henry James vibe of this book, but the romance falls absolutely flat. The scenes are few and far between, and it seems like Hazel is trying to convince herself to be attracted to these guys. Like, how is this even an RH? It feels like a few “you’re here, and I’m here” hook-ups, and no one’s motivation makes sense.

Everything feels so one-dimensional. Like, even the bullies are just kind of bleh...I just don’t really care if anyone (except maybe Andre) survives the series.

I will say, I feel like I understand the motivations of the guys more, and I love the “Turn of the Screw” feel from the last plot twist.
Profile Image for Jasmine Hoisington.
924 reviews2 followers
November 4, 2019
WTH

Wait wth did I just read. Book 1 was amazing but book 2 has me second guessing everything I thought I knew.

You must read this series!
Profile Image for Bookish Barbi.
646 reviews41 followers
February 16, 2021
Hazel did what!!!

I love the mystery of this series. Finding out little pieces at a time with Hazel. This is a very slow burn RH. There's times I forget it's RH but the story itself is so good.
Profile Image for Samantha.
238 reviews5 followers
July 29, 2019
Oh. My. God.

Oh my freaking...I cannot believe this! I don’t think I’ll make it till October 14th. I love this series and I just started it yesterday. I’m obsessed. Obsessed I tell you! I need to know what’s going to happen with Hazel and everyone else.

Seriously, how am I supposed to take that ending? It makes no sense. I highly doubt everything was a figment of her imagination. Come on. Ugh. I love a good cliffhanger until I realize the next book won’t be out for a couple of months. That’s the real kicker.

Initiated focuses on Hazel and the three kings as the struggle to figure out what’s really beneath the school and how to destroy it. However, with the likes of Courtney, the headmaster and all those rotten excuses for parents, it’s kinda hard to figure out the secrets hiding in those caves. There were a few moments when I was this close to disrupting the fabric of our world by jumping in there and shaking a few people around. If only I could’ve done that.

Now let’s talk about the characters. I have a lot to say. And I mean, a lot.

Let’s discuss Hazel (aka Hazey). Hazel’s personality is such a refreshing change to the usual heroines we see in the reverse harem genre. It felt more realistic to me.

Instead of falling for her three tormentors as soon as they started showing her acts of kindness, she kept them at arms length. She trusts Quinn, Trey and Ayaz about as far as she can throw them. However, as time passes, they do show her that they can be trusted which makes the relationship progression more realistic. Slow-burn all the way people. It’s so slow-burn that you should not not expect any action until Initiated.

Another characteristic of Hazel that I like is her ‘take-no-shit’ attitude. One thing I hate is when people just take people’s shit without giving anything back (although I think that kinda makes me a hypocrite because I don’t always give much back).

Of course there were a few pranks that could have had some disastrous results but what do you expect when you have peers literally pouring tar into her hair and destroying her personal possessions? I guess she could take the high road, but that would be an incredibly high road.

Now, it’s time we talk about the kings: Trey, Quinn and Ayaz.

Trey is...complicated. He doesn’t give much away about himself. In my opinion, he was one of Hazel’s worst tormentors. That in itself would make you think he couldn’t be redeemed, but, well, things change. Also, out of the three, Trey is definitely the leader although that doesn’t mean he’s not a pawn. In fact, every one of them is a pawn.

Quinn is a laidback jokester who is an absolute flirt. I know that Quinn is just a flirt in general, but he’s such a sweet one when he’s not being a bully. There were a few moments where Quinn managed to snag multiple smiles from me. He’s that good. Ugh, he’s awesome (except during that first quarter of school).

Ayaz, hm, I’m not sure how to describe Ayaz. He has a quite persona similar to Trey’s except much different. I’m not sure how to describe it except sort of like a tortured artist. I do like Ayaz, but I feel like I haven’t learned as much about him as I wish I had.

All in all, I like these three guys and I’m worried about them. I’m not sure what happened, but I swear that headmistress has something to do with it. I won’t say what, but it’s not looking good.

My Thoughts (Possible Spoilers)

Ugh, I cannot wait to see what happens in the next installment. I do think that Ayaz was either under that god’s mind control or faking it. The first option is not good, not good at all. The latter should yield a much better outcome as we can expect them to plan Hazel’s asylum “prison” escape.

However, I swear, if he was being truthful at the end and meant what he said, I will be piping mad. I might even punch my phone. I simply cannot believe that everything was a hallucination. Unless Steffanie Holmes decided to create the mind-fuck of all mind-fucks. That would be awful, yet brilliant.
Profile Image for Tamara.
1,719 reviews3 followers
December 20, 2019
In the club

You never believe what this school can do until you live it. This has been an odd journey but oh so much fun
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