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336 pages, Hardcover
First published February 11, 2020
It suggests that everyone possesses a unique personal narrative, shaped by their joys, struggles, and triumphs, which can be a source of connection, inspiration, and understanding when shared with others. The concept is often linked to the idea that listening to these stories fosters empathy and a deeper connection between people.One of my favorite guises for the idea is the word "sonder" as first defined in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows:
the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.The subtitle of this book is "A Book of Strangers," but I don't think that's accurate. I think a more apt name for what Sharlet has accomplished here is the title of a book--and movement--by Valerie Kaur: "See No Strangers." Because this book is about Sharlet taking time for those society often shuns to the exile of being unwanted, condemned to a status of permanent stranger, of Sharlet taking the time to really see them. Not as strangers, but as people. He takes a moment to tell their stories, documents his interactions with them, makes them the protagonists of this collection of reported moments.
She knows some English, but she speaks mostly in Russian. Explaining her view of Russia's rising homophobia, she dictates to Zhenya: "Putin needs external enemies and internal enemies. The external enemies are the U.S. and Europe. Internal enemies they had to think about. The ethnic topic is dangerous. Two wars in the Caucasus, a third one, nobody knows how it will end. Jews? After Hitler, it's not kosher. We"--she waves a hand at herself and Zhenya--"are the ideal. We are everywhere, we don't look different, but we are." She inhales. She's one of those smokers who holds your eyes when she's smoking. Cigarettes disappear into her lungs. She says, in English: "It's our turn. Just our turn." She exhales. She has a pleasant smile.
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Her hands fall into her lap, her face goes still. For a moment she's one kind of lovely. Then she flicks back her hair, sends her hands aloft, and she is Mary Mazur, sixty-one, her own woman. "I don't care if I make bad choices!" Her hands whirl, point, shake, conduct. "I don't care a rat's spit! I'm not like everybody else!" She wouldn't want to be. "It's my brain. I'll do what I want with it."
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Man o man the longer I think about this, the longer I linger instead of going forward, the more I see the problem with the way stories pile up in your head, too many stories of all the things we've seen. They don't just haunt you. The haunting, that's just the outer shell. They give you futures as well as pasts. Look at your daughter and see Alice or Jared. You realize just how fragile everything is. Instead of standing on land you realize you're on a boat, and it's a small boat, and the ocean is all around you, and the best hope is just to stay on the boat, because there is no land.
I should mention that Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," the long, haunted version Jeff Buckley recorded before he drowned, has been playing through this account of the fourth Duma kiss-in...[snip]...Hymns–and standards, which is what this really is, like "My Funny Valentine", or "I Will Always Love You"–the way they work, when they work, is that they sound like they've always been there, waiting; only suddenly they're breathtakingly, perfectly intimate to you. They change the way you feel time.