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A House on Stilts: Mothering in the Age of Opioid Addiction
A House on Stilts tells the story of one woman’s struggle to reclaim wholeness while mothering a son addicted to opioids. Paula Becker’s son Hunter was raised in a safe, nurturing home by his writer/historian mom and his physician father. He was a bright, curious child. And yet, addiction found him.
More than 2.5 million Americans are addicted to opioids, some half-million of these to heroin. For many of them, their drug addiction leads to lives of demoralization, homelessness, and constant peril. For parents, a child’s addiction upends family life, catapulting them onto a path no longer prescribed by Dr. Spock, but by Dante’s Inferno . Within this ten-year crucible, Paula is transformed by an excruciating, inescapable the difference between what she can do and what she cannot do.
More than 2.5 million Americans are addicted to opioids, some half-million of these to heroin. For many of them, their drug addiction leads to lives of demoralization, homelessness, and constant peril. For parents, a child’s addiction upends family life, catapulting them onto a path no longer prescribed by Dr. Spock, but by Dante’s Inferno . Within this ten-year crucible, Paula is transformed by an excruciating, inescapable the difference between what she can do and what she cannot do.
176 pages, Paperback
First published September 15, 2019
19 people are currently reading
336 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
July 10, 2020
This is a very well written memoir about a family dealing with their son’s opioid addiction. It is told with great emotion and detail of the effects on his family, particularly his mother, the author. They do everything they can to help him overcome his addiction but he most often relapses. While many of the actions taken by her and her physician husband may be seen as enabling they are merely trying to offer compassionate help.
Their plight is really an ode to love, family, and the difficulties in discovering, assessing, and aiding those with addiction. The author also strives to educate the reader of the systems available and the shortcomings of those systems. She notes that neither rehabilitation programs nor sobering homes are regulated and are often only interested in the insurance funds available to pad their pockets.
This is a difficult story to read as a mother because you can empathize with the author and her actions even never having been in the same situation. It is also enlightening for bringing to light the challenges for parents, siblings, families, the health care system, communities, and all who are touched by this disease. While you may think you are on the outside, reading this you will find that it affects everyone, from families, to shop owners, to landlords, to classmates, to eateries, to those sharing bus rides, using libraries....and on and on.
It is, in its own way, a pandemic that may very well take everyone to sit up and take notice, in order to bring it to a manageable status, because it is not likely to ever be eradicated. And the biggest point that the author makes is that it touches everyone regardless of age, race, economic status, education, community. It is not something you can choose or control for those who suffer by it.
A very enlightening read.
Their plight is really an ode to love, family, and the difficulties in discovering, assessing, and aiding those with addiction. The author also strives to educate the reader of the systems available and the shortcomings of those systems. She notes that neither rehabilitation programs nor sobering homes are regulated and are often only interested in the insurance funds available to pad their pockets.
This is a difficult story to read as a mother because you can empathize with the author and her actions even never having been in the same situation. It is also enlightening for bringing to light the challenges for parents, siblings, families, the health care system, communities, and all who are touched by this disease. While you may think you are on the outside, reading this you will find that it affects everyone, from families, to shop owners, to landlords, to classmates, to eateries, to those sharing bus rides, using libraries....and on and on.
It is, in its own way, a pandemic that may very well take everyone to sit up and take notice, in order to bring it to a manageable status, because it is not likely to ever be eradicated. And the biggest point that the author makes is that it touches everyone regardless of age, race, economic status, education, community. It is not something you can choose or control for those who suffer by it.
A very enlightening read.
October 26, 2019
Heartbreaking, devastating and beautifully written. I wish I could personally put this in the hands of every parent and every mental health worker.
September 8, 2019
I have recently read numerous biographies and memoirs and many of them have focused on the theme of addiction. Addiction was once 'hush-hush' and considered to be a dirty little secret. It is now beginning to be viewed not as shameful, but as a disease that is just as deadly as cancer, and one that can (and does) strike anyone at any age.
Many people look down on addicts and their families. They blame the addict's parents, lifestyle, socioeconomic status, race, religion or any other of a myriad of factors upon which someone can place the blame. Often, in their smugness, they think "we are nothing like that family, therefore addiction will never be part of our lives." Oh, how wrong they may be.
Paula Becker and her husband were living a charmed life. They were happy and when they added a son, Hunter, to the equation, they felt even more blessed. Adding another son and a daughter, and they were content.
In order to give their children, what they believed to be, an idyllic upbringing, Paula and her husband decided to homeschool them. Her husband was the main income provider and Paula could work as a part-time author from home. So, although it meant that they would have to be extremely smart with their spending, they were willing to do anything it took to ensure their children's lives would be filled with learning and love.
Does this sound like a home where an opiate addict might come from? If asked, most people would answer "No." Therein lies the challenge of identifying a person with a predilection toward addiction.
A HOUSE ON STILTS will force readers to confront the fact that addiction can (and does) happen to anyone, regardless of economic status, race, religion, colour, disability, location or any other of the myriad of reasons people have blamed for addiction.
Paula Becker's memoir A HOUSE ON STILTS is being released at the perfect time. I firmly believe that every parent needs to read this book, and needs to read it NOW!
Paula Becker's memoir will tug at your heartstrings as she writes about how her family's life changes as her eldest son first dabbles, then dives headfirst into drugs. As Hunter's addiction spirals out of control, his parents mourn the loss not only of his mental and physical health, but also the loss of a mother's dreams for her son.
The Beckers family was lucky in that due to their economic status and health care insurance, they had the resources to get the very best treatment money could buy. Yet despite having so many advantages in life and even in addiction treatment options, they found that no matter what the family tried, that it would not work. They couldn't wish Hunter better because it is the addict who must want to change.
One of the things I admire most about the author is her candor. She does not sugarcoat or try to justify any actions she has taken, nor does she try to make Hunter sound any better or worse than he really was. I am also happy that she chose to include details as to how Hunter's addiction impacted his two siblings.
Written with her heart on her sleeve, Paula Becker's memoir is important and deserves the highest possible rating. I rate A HOUSE ON STILTS as 5+ OUT OF 5 STARS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
*** Thank you to NetGalley and to the Publisher for providing me with a free copy of this book.***
.
.
To read more of my reviews follow my blog at http://Amiesbookreviews.wordpress.com
Follow me on Instagram @Amiesbookreviews
Many people look down on addicts and their families. They blame the addict's parents, lifestyle, socioeconomic status, race, religion or any other of a myriad of factors upon which someone can place the blame. Often, in their smugness, they think "we are nothing like that family, therefore addiction will never be part of our lives." Oh, how wrong they may be.
Paula Becker and her husband were living a charmed life. They were happy and when they added a son, Hunter, to the equation, they felt even more blessed. Adding another son and a daughter, and they were content.
In order to give their children, what they believed to be, an idyllic upbringing, Paula and her husband decided to homeschool them. Her husband was the main income provider and Paula could work as a part-time author from home. So, although it meant that they would have to be extremely smart with their spending, they were willing to do anything it took to ensure their children's lives would be filled with learning and love.
Does this sound like a home where an opiate addict might come from? If asked, most people would answer "No." Therein lies the challenge of identifying a person with a predilection toward addiction.
A HOUSE ON STILTS will force readers to confront the fact that addiction can (and does) happen to anyone, regardless of economic status, race, religion, colour, disability, location or any other of the myriad of reasons people have blamed for addiction.
Paula Becker's memoir A HOUSE ON STILTS is being released at the perfect time. I firmly believe that every parent needs to read this book, and needs to read it NOW!
Paula Becker's memoir will tug at your heartstrings as she writes about how her family's life changes as her eldest son first dabbles, then dives headfirst into drugs. As Hunter's addiction spirals out of control, his parents mourn the loss not only of his mental and physical health, but also the loss of a mother's dreams for her son.
The Beckers family was lucky in that due to their economic status and health care insurance, they had the resources to get the very best treatment money could buy. Yet despite having so many advantages in life and even in addiction treatment options, they found that no matter what the family tried, that it would not work. They couldn't wish Hunter better because it is the addict who must want to change.
One of the things I admire most about the author is her candor. She does not sugarcoat or try to justify any actions she has taken, nor does she try to make Hunter sound any better or worse than he really was. I am also happy that she chose to include details as to how Hunter's addiction impacted his two siblings.
Written with her heart on her sleeve, Paula Becker's memoir is important and deserves the highest possible rating. I rate A HOUSE ON STILTS as 5+ OUT OF 5 STARS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
*** Thank you to NetGalley and to the Publisher for providing me with a free copy of this book.***
.
.
To read more of my reviews follow my blog at http://Amiesbookreviews.wordpress.com
Follow me on Instagram @Amiesbookreviews
February 12, 2021
Paula Becker and I share the devastating experience indicated by her sub-title. There are sad similarities in every opioid story: the chaotic and painful changes to the family, the heartbreaking downward cycle of the person using, the loss of trust, and for most, the experience of relapse. Still, every story is unique. I was absorbed learning about the author’s son Hunter and the rest of the family in Seattle, a city I have visited a few times, but don’t know well. Becker homeschooled her children for 7 or 8 years and that decision darts in and out of Hunter’s story and Becker’s self-examination of her parenting. Like most of us with a child in difficulty, she second guesses many of her decisions. Becker is an excellent writer: crisp and precise, yet sometimes lyrical. If you want to learn about the harrowing experience of a family impacted by opioid addiction, reading this book would be a good way to do it.
October 24, 2019
"We were trying to be helpful but not enabling. There is no such path." (189)
A House on Stilts: Mothering in the Age of Opioid Addiction is a memoir that shares what she and her family went through when her oldest son Hunter became an addict. Hunter grew up in the schools and on the streets of Seattle and our city is a vivid backdrop that makes this account all the more intimate and harrowing. This is a clear-eyed and moving testament to a parent’s love and the toll that addiction can take on the addict and their loved ones.
Becker was also interviewed for a Yes For Libraries levy campaign video in which she talks about how Seattle libraries were there for son from his childhood reading books to his years when he was homeless and in need of the library for shelter and computer access: https://www.facebook.com/YesSeattleLi...
A House on Stilts: Mothering in the Age of Opioid Addiction is a memoir that shares what she and her family went through when her oldest son Hunter became an addict. Hunter grew up in the schools and on the streets of Seattle and our city is a vivid backdrop that makes this account all the more intimate and harrowing. This is a clear-eyed and moving testament to a parent’s love and the toll that addiction can take on the addict and their loved ones.
Becker was also interviewed for a Yes For Libraries levy campaign video in which she talks about how Seattle libraries were there for son from his childhood reading books to his years when he was homeless and in need of the library for shelter and computer access: https://www.facebook.com/YesSeattleLi...
September 11, 2019
This is not an unfamiliar story to me. While I am no mother, I have been the emergency contact for a person entering a 30-day inpatient rehab program, whose mother has thanked me for saving her child's life. This book is good. I read it in a couple hours today.
It was interesting to read someone else's experience of this because as Becker mentions, every rehab is completely different. There are no medical standards for rehabs, which has allowed for states like Florida to churn out death to the majority of those that seek help there (Google "The Florida Shuffle). The most important thing to many facilities is the promised insurance money. This is something that must change. No one would deem it acceptable to treat lung cancer with art therapy but with substance abuse disorder it is perfectly fine to charge $30,000 for "art therapy," whatever that means.
As a member of Hunter's generation, I already knew and was active in the plethora of resources for those who struggle with addiction. This knowledge made it possible to help the few people that I have helped extremely quickly, without feeling helpless when finding myself in the horrifying moment of a loved one telling me they've secretly been struggling with addiction. Sometimes it can be the most difficult to detect in the people closest to you but painfully obvious in those who aren't as close. Because what that means is that they have been in so much pain that they sought out drugs to heal the pain and you, as a close loved one, played a role in creating that pain, creating that rift.
One final thing: Yes, AA forces those with drug problems to name themselves as alcoholics at meetings. Hunter wasn't lying there. It is disingenuous and is exactly why many people I know actually truly hate AA. They do not force alcoholics to play pretend that they have drug problems. Additionally many alcoholics view drug users as lesser, despite the fact that alcoholism can go on for 50 years before even being addressed once. This is something that needs to be further explored because many court & legal programs view AA as the singular, one true way to kick any type addiction ever.
It was interesting to read someone else's experience of this because as Becker mentions, every rehab is completely different. There are no medical standards for rehabs, which has allowed for states like Florida to churn out death to the majority of those that seek help there (Google "The Florida Shuffle). The most important thing to many facilities is the promised insurance money. This is something that must change. No one would deem it acceptable to treat lung cancer with art therapy but with substance abuse disorder it is perfectly fine to charge $30,000 for "art therapy," whatever that means.
As a member of Hunter's generation, I already knew and was active in the plethora of resources for those who struggle with addiction. This knowledge made it possible to help the few people that I have helped extremely quickly, without feeling helpless when finding myself in the horrifying moment of a loved one telling me they've secretly been struggling with addiction. Sometimes it can be the most difficult to detect in the people closest to you but painfully obvious in those who aren't as close. Because what that means is that they have been in so much pain that they sought out drugs to heal the pain and you, as a close loved one, played a role in creating that pain, creating that rift.
One final thing: Yes, AA forces those with drug problems to name themselves as alcoholics at meetings. Hunter wasn't lying there. It is disingenuous and is exactly why many people I know actually truly hate AA. They do not force alcoholics to play pretend that they have drug problems. Additionally many alcoholics view drug users as lesser, despite the fact that alcoholism can go on for 50 years before even being addressed once. This is something that needs to be further explored because many court & legal programs view AA as the singular, one true way to kick any type addiction ever.
January 5, 2020
House on Stilts is poignant and not a day goes by when I don’t think about something from this mother’s heart-wrenching experience. Her wrestling with what compassionate actions look like in the face of addiction is so compelling. What would you want your potentially last interaction with your beloved child to be like?
On a personal note, I spent middle school and high school with the author’s younger siblings and the author’s mother who was my teacher, safe place, and role model. Their love has touched many...thank you.
On a personal note, I spent middle school and high school with the author’s younger siblings and the author’s mother who was my teacher, safe place, and role model. Their love has touched many...thank you.
February 2, 2020
Couldn’t put this one down!
December 9, 2019
Great craftsmanship as an author, and a strong, consistent viewpoint.
No pretence of solutions, just patiently seeing the unfolding through one set of eyes.
No pretence of solutions, just patiently seeing the unfolding through one set of eyes.
December 4, 2019
I wish I could get everyone I know to read this book. It is for anyone who is living with someone who is addicted to opioids for sure, as it helps us to understand we are not alone, that so many of us have the same stories. But it is also for anyone who thinks they understand addiction and has an opinion on how to handle it. Paula Becker has opened up her life bravely to share with others. I hope many will take advantage of her raw openness and read this book.
September 20, 2019
A House on Stilts by Paula Becker is such a roller coaster ride. This book took my feelings for a crazy ride: I was smiling one moment, crying uncontrollably the next, proud now and so so disappointed later. Hunter's story is such a heartbreaking one that happens all over this country, again and again. Becker shows that she has done her research on programs, drugs, and the history of Seattle as it is related to drugs. She also shows the devastating effect that a person with addiction can have on their family, and the struggle between wanting to care for your child but not wanting to be an enabler. Becker does not hold back in her account, which is much appreciated. I am glad that addiction is starting to be talked about more, which will hopefully lead to more help for those affected by it. Writing this book must've been very difficult but it is much appreciated.
November 1, 2019
One of the Best on Addiction
Extremely well-written, though absolutely heartbreaking story of the author’s son’s addiction to heroin. I could not put it down.
A must read!
Extremely well-written, though absolutely heartbreaking story of the author’s son’s addiction to heroin. I could not put it down.
A must read!
November 12, 2019
When you can't put a book down and you think that everyone should read --- that is a good book.
If you have ever wondered what it feels to be the parent of an addicted child you cannot reach no matter how hard you try? Or what this betrayal of the power of love would feel like, this is the book for you.
Parent or not, every American should read this book to realize from a "boots on the ground" viewpoint how addiction tears apart the fabric of even the most dedicated family.
Addiction is a huge issue in our country and this book will give you insight into what it is to have a child who has been fully embraced by this demon and how challenging kicking drugs really is.
I have read elsewhere that less than 5% of people who get off drugs are still sober after three years.
To hear of this young man's journey, as told by his Mother, the author, is to realize how challenging that is, even when your Dad and Uncle are doctors.
How does one family resolve this? How do the other family members also recover? How do we solve in from a community point of view or nationally? How many people are incarcerated because of addiction to drugs or the crimes addiction leads them to?
This book was for me a one-sitting read, very well-paced, and certainly not a book most people could or would write with such passion and sensitivity. It is a gift to anyone who wonders how people get hooked on drugs or what those young people are doing hanging out on the usual streets of your own town.
I do not give five stars very easily, this book deserves it as does this author and her whole family. Only sorry it wasn't published in her home town.
If you have ever wondered what it feels to be the parent of an addicted child you cannot reach no matter how hard you try? Or what this betrayal of the power of love would feel like, this is the book for you.
Parent or not, every American should read this book to realize from a "boots on the ground" viewpoint how addiction tears apart the fabric of even the most dedicated family.
Addiction is a huge issue in our country and this book will give you insight into what it is to have a child who has been fully embraced by this demon and how challenging kicking drugs really is.
I have read elsewhere that less than 5% of people who get off drugs are still sober after three years.
To hear of this young man's journey, as told by his Mother, the author, is to realize how challenging that is, even when your Dad and Uncle are doctors.
How does one family resolve this? How do the other family members also recover? How do we solve in from a community point of view or nationally? How many people are incarcerated because of addiction to drugs or the crimes addiction leads them to?
This book was for me a one-sitting read, very well-paced, and certainly not a book most people could or would write with such passion and sensitivity. It is a gift to anyone who wonders how people get hooked on drugs or what those young people are doing hanging out on the usual streets of your own town.
I do not give five stars very easily, this book deserves it as does this author and her whole family. Only sorry it wasn't published in her home town.
May 5, 2022
Loved, loved this book. The author writes beautifully about such a difficult time in her life.
I read a lot of addiction/recovery memoirs and this one was particularly touching, despite never hearing directly from the addict himself.
Somehow, I knew that Hunter was no longer with his family, that the powerful words of his mother were speaking for him, when he no longer could.
I don't agree with so many of the decisions this family made, especially when it came to homeschooling and enabling Hunter, but I can't possibly know what choices I would have made, being in the same situation.
Poor Sawyer and Lillie who had to share their worried parents with an addict. That did not leave much room for the two siblings to grow up in a stable home.
Finally, the writing style is down to earth without being too sugary.
I think this author and her family are very brave for writing this book.
I read a lot of addiction/recovery memoirs and this one was particularly touching, despite never hearing directly from the addict himself.
Somehow, I knew that Hunter was no longer with his family, that the powerful words of his mother were speaking for him, when he no longer could.
I don't agree with so many of the decisions this family made, especially when it came to homeschooling and enabling Hunter, but I can't possibly know what choices I would have made, being in the same situation.
Poor Sawyer and Lillie who had to share their worried parents with an addict. That did not leave much room for the two siblings to grow up in a stable home.
Finally, the writing style is down to earth without being too sugary.
I think this author and her family are very brave for writing this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 26, 2023
3 / 5 Stars.
Well written, can't relate to the sacrificial love described.
Another book I didn't pick, or enjoy. I can't love like this. I don't have it in me to have this type of sacrificial love. Thankfully, I haven't been called to this level of love. I'm not a parent and none in my daily life have these levels of addiction issues. I don't have those issues and so I can't comment on the Becker's actions.
I can comment on the writing, Becker is an excellent author and if I had more empathy, I would have loved the way she covered her son's childhood. This book is well written. It is the only addiction memoir I've read from the point of view of the family and not the addict.
Well written, can't relate to the sacrificial love described.
Another book I didn't pick, or enjoy. I can't love like this. I don't have it in me to have this type of sacrificial love. Thankfully, I haven't been called to this level of love. I'm not a parent and none in my daily life have these levels of addiction issues. I don't have those issues and so I can't comment on the Becker's actions.
I can comment on the writing, Becker is an excellent author and if I had more empathy, I would have loved the way she covered her son's childhood. This book is well written. It is the only addiction memoir I've read from the point of view of the family and not the addict.
April 8, 2020
This is a painful read, one of those books that people sometimes read in hopes that they can prevent this tragedy from occurring in their families, in hopes that they can attach blame so as to stay safe themselves, in hopes that they can better understand this crisis and empathize with the families. Paula Becker, the Seattle author and mother of an opioid-addicted son, seems unflinchingly honest in her accounting of her son, Hunter, from his birth through his drug-addicted years of early adulthood; from the family's early, sometimes naive efforts to help and support him, to the later difficult decisions they had to make, and, eventually, to acceptance of what they could and couldn't control. This is well-written and well worth reading. I would have given it a 5, except that I thought it was a big long with some unnecessary details, but it is a book that deserves to be read by every parent, by every school counselor, by every government official, and by every taxpayer who rails against drug programs without understanding the challenges of opioid addiction..
November 23, 2019
This book gutted me--it was honest and raw and heartbreaking. The story of addiction and the havoc it wreaks on families is utterly terrifying and offers no neat solutions or happy endings. I commend Becker for bravely laying her story bare in the hopes of helping other families going through similar struggles and think this should be required reading for all parents.
March 28, 2020
I'll admit I started this out of morbid curiosity.
She writes with transparency, examining her (& her husband's) actions & intentions on every page.
She writes with transparency, examining her (& her husband's) actions & intentions on every page.
January 9, 2023
A very well written memoir of a family’s plight dealing with their son’s opioid addiction. This hit very close to home and I related with almost every story this mother told. It was heart breaking and there were times I had to set the book aside when the emotions became to overwhelming.
March 19, 2020
This is one of those memoirs where the author's life so closely resembles your own (in some ways) that you spend a lot of time thinking, "this could have happened to me."
Maybe some of that was because most of the book took place in Seattle, not too far from where I live. Maybe because we had similar parenting styles in many ways. Maybe because our children were close in age. But whatever the reasons, my heart kept breaking for the author and her family as they struggled with their oldest son's addictions.
We can't always predict how our kids will behave as they grow up. Kids don't come with guarantees. Throughout the book, though, no matter what happened, I could always feel the love the parents had for their son, through good times and bad. And it was also obvious how much he loved them and how deeply he knew of their love for him.
Maybe some of that was because most of the book took place in Seattle, not too far from where I live. Maybe because we had similar parenting styles in many ways. Maybe because our children were close in age. But whatever the reasons, my heart kept breaking for the author and her family as they struggled with their oldest son's addictions.
We can't always predict how our kids will behave as they grow up. Kids don't come with guarantees. Throughout the book, though, no matter what happened, I could always feel the love the parents had for their son, through good times and bad. And it was also obvious how much he loved them and how deeply he knew of their love for him.
September 24, 2019
Raw, honest, powerful. A beautifully tragic testimony to a terrible problem that could affect ANY family.
October 21, 2019
What will stay with me the most after reading this was the author’s first chapters on her son being little. Little, innocent, cared for, loved, nurtured, supported, secure. Addiction doesn’t really care about any of that. As I read, so many times my head would say, “I didn’t know that.” I didn’t know that a single dose of heroin only costs $10. I didn’t know Seattle had such a problem with opioid addiction. I didn’t know much about heroin and fentanyl, and the difference between black tar heroin and China White. I knew Mexican drug cartels are hugely responsible, but it comes through Canada too. A hard read, I felt so exhausted for these parents and how much they sacrificed. But it’s a must read for ANYONE. Learn about it even if it doesn’t affect you directly. You never know how or when it might. This shit is very, very real.
February 17, 2020
4.5 stars Heartbreaking and terrifying.
March 21, 2020
Poeticly written
Vulnerable
Vulnerable
November 2, 2019
A book that left more questions unanswered than answered, although excellently written. Why were the genetics of the family not discussed?
September 24, 2019
A memoir reveals the heartbreak of addiction.
As a recovering opioid of intravenous heroin addict of over 15 years, I have a deep interest in all aspects of addiction, especially its effects on the family. Becker provides a detailed account of just that; an intimate portrayal of the effects that her teenage son, Hunter’s, addiction has on her, her husband their two younger children.
The first portion of the memoir takes us through Hunter’s childhood with a fine-tooth comb as Becker, as a tender and loving mortician performing an autopsy on her own loved one, dissects every aspect of his nature, environment, their parenting decisions to find the elusive answer to the question most parents of addicts want answering, “Where did it go wrong?” This was frustrating for me, both as a reader and as an addiction’s counsellor, as there is no satisfactory or conclusive answer to this question.
She writes, “His inner self was perfect and complete to me, and this led me to normalise Hunter’s behaviour and discount warning signs.”
Warning signs? How does one separate “warning signs” from age-appropriate developmental behaviour?
Parents often want to blame themselves or pinpoint that exact moment when their child went from “normal” to addict. It’s impossible. Becker ploughs through and attempts to find that “tipping point”.
I was moved by Becker’s conflict as a mother to both instil boundaries to protect herself and the rest of her family and to protect her eldest son from himself. I felt exasperated at her inability to set and maintain more rigid boundaries but fully comprehended that her love for Hunter blurred those invisible lines.
She writes, “We were worn down by how ineffectual we felt, incapable of successfully enforcing any consequences we set for Hunter.”
I felt her frustration as she floundered in a bureaucratic system not prepared for what was to become an epidemic and so had to do much of her research and aiding of Hunter in finding recovery fumbling in the proverbial dark. The journey with Hunter attempting – and failing – to get clean was heart-wrenching, and his lack of remorse was devastating. Each time chipping away savagely at his family’s hope, trust and compassion.
“Here’s what I taught you, Mom,” I heard Hunter say. “You control nothing. That’s why I came.”
It could be every addict’s credo.
He alienates himself almost entirely from his younger siblings, and I think more could have been written about the impact it had on them but, in the same breath, what was written spoke volumes.
Becker writes well, candidly and from the heart, but I cannot say that the story gripped me. Perhaps it was something in the structure of the book that could have been different…
But I do believe that she has told a vitally important story that will resonate with many caught in the grips of a similar, if not, identical predicament, and offer some comfort and insight that people are not suffering in isolation.
Desiree-Anne Martin
Breakaway Reviewers received a copy of the book to review.
As a recovering opioid of intravenous heroin addict of over 15 years, I have a deep interest in all aspects of addiction, especially its effects on the family. Becker provides a detailed account of just that; an intimate portrayal of the effects that her teenage son, Hunter’s, addiction has on her, her husband their two younger children.
The first portion of the memoir takes us through Hunter’s childhood with a fine-tooth comb as Becker, as a tender and loving mortician performing an autopsy on her own loved one, dissects every aspect of his nature, environment, their parenting decisions to find the elusive answer to the question most parents of addicts want answering, “Where did it go wrong?” This was frustrating for me, both as a reader and as an addiction’s counsellor, as there is no satisfactory or conclusive answer to this question.
She writes, “His inner self was perfect and complete to me, and this led me to normalise Hunter’s behaviour and discount warning signs.”
Warning signs? How does one separate “warning signs” from age-appropriate developmental behaviour?
Parents often want to blame themselves or pinpoint that exact moment when their child went from “normal” to addict. It’s impossible. Becker ploughs through and attempts to find that “tipping point”.
I was moved by Becker’s conflict as a mother to both instil boundaries to protect herself and the rest of her family and to protect her eldest son from himself. I felt exasperated at her inability to set and maintain more rigid boundaries but fully comprehended that her love for Hunter blurred those invisible lines.
She writes, “We were worn down by how ineffectual we felt, incapable of successfully enforcing any consequences we set for Hunter.”
I felt her frustration as she floundered in a bureaucratic system not prepared for what was to become an epidemic and so had to do much of her research and aiding of Hunter in finding recovery fumbling in the proverbial dark. The journey with Hunter attempting – and failing – to get clean was heart-wrenching, and his lack of remorse was devastating. Each time chipping away savagely at his family’s hope, trust and compassion.
“Here’s what I taught you, Mom,” I heard Hunter say. “You control nothing. That’s why I came.”
It could be every addict’s credo.
He alienates himself almost entirely from his younger siblings, and I think more could have been written about the impact it had on them but, in the same breath, what was written spoke volumes.
Becker writes well, candidly and from the heart, but I cannot say that the story gripped me. Perhaps it was something in the structure of the book that could have been different…
But I do believe that she has told a vitally important story that will resonate with many caught in the grips of a similar, if not, identical predicament, and offer some comfort and insight that people are not suffering in isolation.
Desiree-Anne Martin
Breakaway Reviewers received a copy of the book to review.
September 26, 2019
A House on Stilts by Paula Becker is non-fiction that in a heartbreaking way walks the reader through the stages of addiction, a mother's hope, her continuous and painful education into the world and power of addiction and to her son's eventual demise. A middle class Seattle family watches helpless drug addiction claim their oldest son.
The tragedy is presented at times in journalistic detail, authentic and alarming in showing how easily available substances are in school. The author describes the parental desire to help, and intervene hoping to reclaim her son, a bright boy that eventually turns to the street life; the struggle to maintain boundaries and protect her younger children while being humane to her addicted son is a strong theme through the story.
The tragedy is presented at times in journalistic detail, authentic and alarming in showing how easily available substances are in school. The author describes the parental desire to help, and intervene hoping to reclaim her son, a bright boy that eventually turns to the street life; the struggle to maintain boundaries and protect her younger children while being humane to her addicted son is a strong theme through the story.
December 28, 2019
This book broke my heart over and over again for everyone who devoted their time and resources to try to help. This book illuminates how addiction takes over people we love, pushing them beyond reach.
December 15, 2019
FYI - this is not light-reading. It is a wrenching true story written by a mother about the decade of struggle she and her family lived through because of the drug addiction of her oldest son. Starting in his teens, Hunter lives all the usual days of a drug addict with lies and thefts, filth and emaciation, disappearances and reappearances. Taking the family, but most devastatingly the parents, on the roller coaster ride to hell and back, over and over. Paula Becker's writing is impeccable in it's honesty, integrity and heart-breaking reality.
October 15, 2019
Paula Becker and her Dr husband Barry are raising 3 children in Seattle. Paula basically gave up her self to homeschool and take care of the children. Barry job hops..which I thought was weird for a Dr...at times working 24 hr shifts far from home. This is not meant to be a criticism of their lifestyle; just a background of their early years.
The oldest child, Hunter, is a handful. Smart, inquisitive and all around busy. Would he have succeeded in mainstream school? With Paula as his mother I think so
High school is when he starts mainstream school and it doesn't take long for him to fall off the rails. He is adept at lying and maneuvering. When he discovers drugs, he is all in. No turning back
The book details all the hell that drug addiction brings, including the expense and the toll on a persons sanity, Trying to mother your other children, trying to reclaim your career.
I was appalled at the situations where the police turned a blind eye. At the situations where, even though Hunter was a minor, information could not be released to his parents. The expense, and failures, of the rehabs.
I have, thankfully, never had to be in this family's shoes, so perhaps my criticisms are unfair. But here goes. Wjy would you continually allow your drug addicted son to have a spacious basement room away from the family? Why would you never just take his backpack away? Why would allow him to sleep in your better than average treehouse and basically be his maid? Why, when you are struggling with money, would you go to an expensive store and buy him an expensive coat when 1) he has sold all his other coats and 2) the puffy goodwill coats make him look homeless? The enabling was insane. Again, its her child and I'm not in her shoes. But at some point it has to stop.
I thought her husband came across as ineffective. He was just as bad with the enabling
Definitely showed the horror of drug addiction
Google Hunter when you are finished..interesting twist to his story
The oldest child, Hunter, is a handful. Smart, inquisitive and all around busy. Would he have succeeded in mainstream school? With Paula as his mother I think so
High school is when he starts mainstream school and it doesn't take long for him to fall off the rails. He is adept at lying and maneuvering. When he discovers drugs, he is all in. No turning back
The book details all the hell that drug addiction brings, including the expense and the toll on a persons sanity, Trying to mother your other children, trying to reclaim your career.
I was appalled at the situations where the police turned a blind eye. At the situations where, even though Hunter was a minor, information could not be released to his parents. The expense, and failures, of the rehabs.
I have, thankfully, never had to be in this family's shoes, so perhaps my criticisms are unfair. But here goes. Wjy would you continually allow your drug addicted son to have a spacious basement room away from the family? Why would you never just take his backpack away? Why would allow him to sleep in your better than average treehouse and basically be his maid? Why, when you are struggling with money, would you go to an expensive store and buy him an expensive coat when 1) he has sold all his other coats and 2) the puffy goodwill coats make him look homeless? The enabling was insane. Again, its her child and I'm not in her shoes. But at some point it has to stop.
I thought her husband came across as ineffective. He was just as bad with the enabling
Definitely showed the horror of drug addiction
Google Hunter when you are finished..interesting twist to his story
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