Toward Amnesia

by Sarah Van Arsdale

Devastated when her lover of five years leaves her for another woman, a young marine biologist heads across the country, resolving to recreate her persona through cultivating a unique kind of amnesia. Reprint.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Lesbian, Lesbian Fiction, Novels

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

Reviews

[Susana · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was on Memorial Day that I decided to achieve amnesia. Thus starts Sarah Van Arsdale's first novel Toward Amnesia, a story of lost love, pain, depression and pursuit of oblivion, self-discovery and, ultimately, about what makes us want to keep on living: [...] the catamount had battled back from the edge of extinction, just as I had propelled myself back from the cusp of amnesia. My god, I'd nearly obliterated myself, that untamable nature.
After reading an article about a woman who disappeared for three weeks only to reappear in Florida, the nameless narrator runs away in desperation, trying to built a new life to escape the memories of her five-year relationship with Libby, her confusion over the end of the relationship and her still ongoing obsession with Libby, who has taken a new lover while blaming her for the break up. Finding a medical textbook with a reference on how people become amnesiac, she tries to induce amnesia on herself by immersing herself in the cold deep water in the island where she settles. The book style is poetic, with an unerring clarity and detailed view of emotions and nature, and the first-person narrative is effective in establishing the emotional tone of the book. Also, considering that this is not a plot-driven book, it is a sign of Sarah Van Arsdale's talent as a writer, the way that her book keeps us riveted until the end. A highly recommended book and a fine example of high quality lesbian fiction.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one reminded me of Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping - a story with letter perfect description, and little actual "plot" as such. Most of the way through, I was thinking that the protagonist came off as rather self-pitying, but by the last tiny chapter, it became clearer to me that her ex was probably a "user"; what seemed like interest at the time, was likely Libby telling her what she wanted to hear all along. I'd be interested in reading another novel of van Arsdale's, though I'd hope it'd hang together a bit tighter than this one.

[david · Rating 5 out of 5]

"By late summer I still felt fragile, but sometimes I'd be flooded with joy, or gratitude."

[Ray Adcock · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't like anything about this book. There was no plot, no character descriptions, completely whiny, no direction, no reason to care about what was happening. A total snore fest.
1 star.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book as a teenager, heading out on my family's annual road trip. This is an LGBT book, which I wasn't aware of at the time I bought it, but it didn't make a difference as love, breakups and loss feels the same in any relationship. It was the beautiful prose of this book that captured my heart, the writing is so beautiful you feel as though you are there. Even now I can recall her descriptions of seashells, the sunglasses she dons as she makes her escape, and of the coldness of the lake water as she attempts to shock herself into amnesia. The loss and betrayal and confusion she feels over her breakup are emotions that everyone can relate to. I loved the premise of running away and re-creating one's life and identity. Over the years I have re-read this book at least 3 times, and it is one of my favorites. One of my favorite scenes is when she awakens in her car one morning and is surrounded by the wild ponies of North Carolina. A truly beautiful and underrated novel!

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot! No real plot to speak of but a quick read with magnificent and moving prose. A story about love, loss and coming to terms with both having been in a bad and unhealthy relationship. I like the idea of the title "Toward Amnesia"....very appropriate.

[C C Garrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

My very 1st lesbian book. I wish that she would have written more.

[Soleil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would be a fantastic double feature with Margaret Atwood’s Surfacing

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was alright - I think I could have appreciated it more if it wasn't so much about a breakup if I'd read it during a time when I wasn't just getting over one. But the premise of the book is interesting, and what the book really does is give a glimpse of what it's like to let go - and wouldn't it really be easier just to forget? Who hasn't ever said 'I wish I'd never met you' to someone? Well, maybe not everyone, but if you've ever felt that way, this book is an interesting exploration of that premise.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this novel was extremely well-received, I was disappointed it it. Given the subject matter: grief, loss, obsessing over the loss of a loved one and trying to come to terms with that rejection, I did not find it haunting or memorable enough. Perhaps I am asking too much of it, wanting the novel to be somehing it isn't, but though the writing is beautiful, for me it stayed too much on the surface of things.

[hh · Rating 3 out of 5]

a quick read. it's clear that van arsdale is a poet - she has some nicely turned out sentences that read as if lifted straight from a poem. not a lot actually happens in this novel, which is part of its beauty. not a lot needs to happen. the main character is compelling and the story familiar to anyone who has had a broken heart.

[Paige · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel as though this was a social experiment - and it was interesting to see it play out. I've actually thought about something along the lines of forgetting a past relationship, so it was intriguing to see it "happen," and also how positive the effects were, even though the idea is somewhat messed up.

[Shannon Wyss · Rating 2 out of 5]

A well-written, if mediocre, book about a woman recovering from a bad break-up of a bad relationship with a manipulative girlfriend. Only problem is that she chooses an incredibly unhealthy, dysfunctional approach. It works for her. But that doesn't mean that she couldn't have chosen several other, much healthier ways of dealing with her grief. Ugh!

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is difficult to believe this book is fiction. That must mean Sarah Van Arsdale is successful in telling her story. I love the way she shifts back and forth in time, I love how I came to care for her protagonist, how I kept talking to her urging her on. I ended up feeling like she is someone I have actually met-- in person. But of course she is just fiction.

[Syd · Rating 3 out of 5]

As far as lesbian fiction goes, this book is better than most. That doesn't mean, however, that this isn't a long poor-me-I-got-dumped sob story. It's like Eternal Sunshine with everything interesting taken out.

[reed · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad, but didn't grab me enough to finish it. It's about a woman who kind of loses it when her girlfriend dumps her. I guess I was afraid it would have one of those redemptive and hopeful endings -- I'm getting sick of those.

[Jessica King · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book, but I found it to be very strange. I think I would have liked it less if I had read it at a different time. I read it at a low point in my life and during hard times there are passages of this book I think of, because of that I'll give it 4 stars.

[JodiP · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started to read this, and like a lot of lesbian fiction, it just tries to hard to be mysterious and profound. As I recall, the main character has some bizarre amnesia which was completely implausible. I didn't finish it.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could personally relate to the protagonist and her life situation.
I found the conclusion to be needing more than it gave me.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quiet, poetically written book about a woman whose lover leaves her. She leaves the break-up behind and takes off for a new life, imagining she has amnesia to forget the past.

[Kmcxx · Rating 4 out of 5]

i loved the prose in this book.

[bookseverlasting · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good for someone going through a bad break-up.

[Serafina Sands · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a lovingly written book that will resonate with anyone who's ever been left by a love.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

fantastic story...

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, sweet, effective prose. A very subtle book. Worth the read.

[Reza Mahani · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the rare cases in which a novel starts confused and gradually becomes stronger!