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104 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 14, 2019


come to my blog!"A growing compulsion inside me shuts out my other senses and overwhelms me. The compulsion to translate this act of horror into a story for... consumption by other human beings. Isn't that it? Isn't that what drives the monster and us and makes us her kindred? We go into the world and gather events, gather experiences, gather information and then we tell others our stories, the stories of our lives so that we can come to some understanding. Eating life and spitting out, shitting out meaning. And in the end is it anything more than shit? Why do we we want to share that awfulness? Why make other people feel what we feel? Isn't that a kind of perversion? It is, Bill. It is perverse. We wallow in our own filth and we have this need to pull others into it just so we can look into their eyes and ask, How does it feel?"yikes! well I guess each of us has our own kind of muse. but reading this book and recalling my experiences of the other two books I've read by Renner, as well as my knowledge of his nonfiction and the things that have driven him as a writer, investigator, and human being... it makes perfect sense. for many writers, the act of writing itself is a dark thing, an exorcism and an excoriation. I've felt that myself, sometimes, in my own writing process. and I have seen it literalized in all three works that I've read by the author. writing seems like an absolutely necessary activity for him to purge himself of his demons. all writers share who they are in their writing, on some level, maybe on a subconscious level, or as subtext. there is no such secrecy with this writer. who Renner is, how he feels about the creative process, how he feels about the effects created by writers and how their work impacts readers... he lays it all out, in the open. there is something admirable about that nakedness, his willingness to show vulnerability as an author and as a human, whether or not I agree with his perspective. Renner's honesty about himself may be disagreeable, but it is brave as well. and fascinating!