Golden Monkey

by Lance Pototschnik

Little Lance Pototschnik wanted to grow up and play pro football, but that pipe dream got smoked by his lethargic growth hormones and a terrible skin disorder. The death of his childhood aspirations did, however, plant the seeds for Lance to find comedy in rejection and suffering.

In this gaspingly funny collection of stories, Lance’s battle with disease, his overbearing parents, and his maniacal bosses push him toward the startling discovery that the daily grind--which strips the gold off even the best of us--is the very thing that reveals what we are truly made of. This book is for every intellectual slacker whose very soul is straining against the chains of a dead-end job, a disease, or bad culture. Golden Monkey is a hysterical and bittersweet look at the dark moments that define us, and the triumphant aftermath when we get to say, with all our hearts, that we know exactly who the hell we are.

131 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 11, 2019

About the author

Lance Pototschnik grew up in rural Maryland, in a house surrounded by farms. The last of his parents’ eight children, he was born with severe allergies and a debilitating skin disorder, which often confined him to the house, where he busied himself by drawing and painting. As a sick child born at the back of a large family, life positioned Pototschnik as an observer, and he learned to capitalize on that station through writing.

Pototschnik’s first book, The Shell of a Person, was touted as one of the best of 2013 by an emerging, self-published author. Shell revealed Pototschnik as a breakout talent, a writer with the rare power to make one laugh to and through the brink of undignified, maniacal, public cackling. His next books (Hollywood Ending - 2017, Golden Monkey - 2019) firmly established Pototschnik as a master memoirist who achieves poignancy in his writing by couching anguish inside of gut-busting humor

In addition to writing his books, Pototschnik also hand-paints the covers. Today, he lives in Shanghai.
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Reviews

[Sasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

🙊From stories about what it is like being the youngest of eight children, his time living in China, and being an untemporary temp worker, Lance Pototschnik has gathered together an enjoyable collection of short stories.
🙉There were quite a few times I found myself laughing, and then questioning my own maturity because I laughed. That being said, oftentimes a very powerful, eye-opening message ended the story, making me feel better about having laughed in the first place.
🙈The collection ended a lot like the stories do, with a final story that is serious in subject matter, insightful, and shows that Lance Pototschnik is way more than a guy with some funny stories about his life.

🙊Some of my favorite stories in the collection are:
🙉Deafies—> This story had one of the saddest, most honest and powerful paragraphs I think I have ever read. It was then shortly followed by an ending that made me laugh out loud, literally.
🙈The Lone Ranger—> I don’t quite know what to say about the ending, but it humanizes the dad in a way the pervious stories hadn’t.
🙊To whom it may concern—> This one had such powerful, honest words at the end.
🙉Living Legend—> This was easily my favorite story! So many funny lines like:
-“Santa was a joke, but Taikiki was real
flesh and blood and titanium and
methane.”
-“We peed together, crossed the
beams like renegade Ghostbusters.”

[Dawn Ludwick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was quite the interesting read. I was offered a chance to read it for free (no obligation to review - this is my decision) and wasn't sure that the cover said it was for me. But I found the synopsis hysterical so I decided to give this a chance. In the end, I found this a more thought-provoking view of us humanoids than I expected. While Lance pokes fun at his being a millennial, there was still much for this grandmother to relate to. Some was funny, some distasteful and some uncomfortable. But I think the discomfort is more because he writes truths about us that we don't want to recognize. (who knew the Golden Monkey was going to do THAT!) I liked how each chapter was self-contained so if you don't have a lot of time to read, you had the satisfaction of finishing something with only a bit of reading. The last two chapters were probably my favorite (and have me contemplating the most). It is a well-written book and I suggest that you give it a try.

[Deb (D L) Hartman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a gift from Lance. I wasn't obligated to review. But review I will. If you like tongue-in-cheek humor. Interspersed with OMG I have been there, done that, know someone. You will be laughing out loud. Don't read when others are sleeping are you will quickly be in the doghouse. (personal experience, an irate husband) Once I started reading, I carried my Kindle from room to room. EVEN THAT ROOM!! His use of commas entertained me immensely. You knew once those commas started coming so would the laughs. His characters are well-developed. BUT, if you find yourself scratching and rolling on the carpet, you will have captured the heart and soul of this unusual tale. Just a tiny hint of a spoiler!! You will have to read to understand.

[J Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious!

I love the opening where he described growing up in his family and his college years - I laughed till I cried. Lance Pototschnik turns pathos into humor with vibrantly descriptive text. His observations are sometimes cutting but entertaining – whether it is about life on the internet, the politically correct job market, or politics as we know it. I received a free copy but my review is voluntary and honest. Pototschnik is an edgy writer!

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a new to me author. Ir received an arc for an honest review. I love how he describes his family in the beginning and his college years. The struggles seem as if you were actually there seeing it happen off to the side. Very informative book on the struggles and expectations kids and parents have toward each other and their families.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another hilarious adventure with Lance Pototschnik! I always thought I had done some crazy things in my life, but he makes my adventures look tame. If you have ever wanted to quit your job and run away to another country, but just can't for whatever reason, read this book and do it vicariously. You'll get to have all the fun without the hassles of actual international travel or unemployment.

[Patty Mele · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was a good read and it read pretty good. I would love to read more of this author and the storytelling and character built up was so great.

I got a free book in exchanged for an honest review

[Cindy Lea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well carp...m

Lance, now that I've finished all your books, I need you to sculpt another amazing tome I will be enthralled to read. I thoroughly enjoy your writing style and sense of storytelling that brings an amazing humor. Thank you!

[Peggy Tree · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy Moly! What a terrific book! I'm a babyboomer and I got to see how a millenial thinks. I loved Lance's anecdotes about growing up in a very large .family. I could relate to parts and some were laugh out loud funny. This book was unputdownable enjoyed.