Apple, Tree: Writers on Their Parents

by Lise Funderburg (Editor)

It happens to us all: we think we’ve settled into an identity, a self, and then out of nowhere and with great force, the traces of our parents appear to us, in us—in mirrors, in gestures, in reaction and reactivity, at weddings and funerals, and in troubled thoughts that crouch in dark corners of our minds.

In this masterful collection of new essays, the apple looks at the tree. Twenty-five writers deftly explore a trait they’ve inherited from a parent, reflecting on how it affects the lives they lead today—how it shifts their relationship to that parent (sometimes posthumously) and to their sense of self.

Apple, Tree’s all-star lineup of writers brings eloquence, integrity, and humor to topics such as arrogance, obsession, psychics, grudges, table manners, luck, and laundry. Contributors include Laura van den Berg, S. Bear Bergman, John Freeman, Jane Hamilton, Mat Johnson, Daniel Mendelsohn, Kyoko Mori, Ann Patchett, and Sallie Tisdale, among others. Together, their pieces form a prismatic meditation on how we make fresh sense of ourselves and our parents when we see the pieces of them that live on in us.

 
 
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Writing, Biography, Memoir, Short Stories, Audiobook

232 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 1, 2019

About the author

I'm a writer based in Philadelphia. I've written for many national magazines and newspapers, and my latest book is called "Pig Candy: Taking My Father South, Taking My Father Home." It's a memoir/social history about race, filial duty, mortality, and barbecue."

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Library overdrive ebook ....
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.....for a ‘variety’ of reasons: THE SUBJECT - *Our Parents*, is FASCINATING.
Every person who has or had a parent/parents ....will relate to many of the stories and essays.
The other awesome thing about this book is that all the contributors are contemporary writers. A few authors were very ‘familiar’ authors to me:
Ann Patchett, Lauren Grodstein, and Jane Hamilton.

Twenty-Five authors contributed— some I knew by name - but that was about it —others were new to me: And that was about it!
I enjoyed looking up all the authors to look at books they’ve written.


Lise Funderberg, editor, (editor of this collection), is also a writer, and lecturer in creative writing at the University of Pennsylvania.
Her father was born in 1926. He grew up in rural Georgia, where his own father wasn’t known as the town’s doctor or the towns colored doctor but the towns nigger doctor”.

Most Americans know the adage, “The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.....
“In some way or another, most of us come to realize that we are, more or less and for better or worse, chips off the parental block”.
This fact alone wasn’t what prompted Lisa to commission the essays in this book — she was intrigued by what came ‘after’.....
....the insights, the palpable evidence that relationships continue to evolve as we make our way through life — even after parents have died.

Reflections, refractions, reckonings, discernment.... and other inheritances....
Lisa Funderburg asked people — interesting people, (twenty-five authors contributed), who think deeply and write beautifully to consider that space between the Apple and the Tree.

Writers, thinkers, and doers welcome their own trait-based epiphanies, seizing the chance to see themselves and their parents anew.
They share with the readers
the alchemy of how those components come together to produce a new sense of self..... in their place in the world.

In the Acknowledgments, Lisa writes:
“The idea for this project showed up and knocked me over one day, and my immediate certainty about the need to do it was unimpeded by having no anthologizing experience or previous desire to undertake such a thing. Fortunately, many, many people helped me along the way”.

Now.....a little about the essays and stories themselves:
THERE IS SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

....Laura van den Berg submitted an essay called “Predictions”. We learn about her mother’s influences on her with psychics, her parents divorce and how they related to her struggles with a novel she worked on for 4 years.... and her eventual breakthrough- becoming brave!

....Ann Patchett’s essay was called “Sisters”. She was 10 years of age when a cashier asked if she and her mother were sisters.
note: My mother use to call me her sister in front of strangers, too....when they would ask my mom, “is this your daughter?” I HATED IT!
For Ann Patchett, her sister was never compared with their mother as sisters. ( different hair color)... Also, nobody asked Patchett if she and her sister were sisters.
I TOTALLY related with Ann Patchett and her ‘pretty’ mom.
She said: ( which sounds exactly like me too):
“I grew up, grew older. I didn’t color my hair or use mascara. I aspire to a lot that is clean, well kept, invisible; and in this I am successful. I have seen the benefits and costs of beauty and decided to pass”.
note: my daughters and older sister are more into ‘beauty/clothes’ things....
Yikes....here I go again.... family members trying to have me sparkle with sexy clothes and make up. I still want little to do with all the fuss.

Lauren Grodstein wrote: “Around the Table”...
She looked back on her childhood mornings as a period of almost a religious calm. Lauren was the oldest of three....( so she admits that there must’ve been some chaos in the mornings but that’s not how she remembers it).
Lauren took responsibility as the oldest and put out breakfast for everyone before leaving for school.
Then her mother walked into the breakfast area and asked the same question every single morning…
“so what should I defrost for dinner?” The question drove Lauren crazy!!
How could Lauren care about something that belonged so deep in the future? Her house was never a takeout house. Her mother was always a good cook. But Lauren wished just once they could order pizza and eat in front of the TV like other families.
I won’t tell the entire story.... ( other than to say Lauren is a mother today)......but I was quite enamored by her story.
Fact is.... I love Lauren Grodstein anyway.
I’ll never forget her book called “A Friend of the Family”

If I wrote little samples of all the stories in here - I’d put you to asleep - if I haven’t already.

So.... what I will say....
I highly recommend reading this book. It was a brilliant creative idea that worked!

Love, loss, remembrance, complicated parent/child relationships, ( their influence).... joy, laughter, sadness,.....> the stories are affecting!

My one ‘small’ criticism.... ( says more about me). I wish I owned the physical book - instead I read the ebook ( from the library).
I’m debating on buying a copy for myself.
It would definitely make a great gift to a reader friend.

Thank you Jane....for recommending this book to me. I LOVE IT....
.....still looking up authors works, too.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was not as highly reviewed as I expected. While not every essay about a particular writer's parents was exceptional, the whole makes a wonderful kaleidoscope of the ways in which we choose to remember or honor or, in Kyoko Mori's case, "bury" our parents. The parent chosen, if only one parent is the focus of the essay, is also interesting. In Mat Johnson's case, his father left his mother when he was very young, and wasn't in his life, so his story focuses on his mother. His story was interesting to me for so many reasons. He was a student at a school where I taught for most of my life, although I didn't know him, my colleagues did. He came in high school, I taught younger children. One of my colleagues often talked about Mat. She was his English teacher, and Mat was a star in her class. He went on to be a writer, set in the area where he lived, Philadelphia. His memory is about Germantown, right next to Mt. Airy where I grew up. Other memories take place in neighborhoods, or even countries, I've never visited. I love the way the stars are triggered. One story is about the author's mother. She was fairly OCD. And she would say "Off. Off. Off. Off," as she "checks" (turns off) the burners and the oven. He and his siblings don't think of this refrain as a ritual; "it is the medium in which they live," and includes many other rituals and sayings that stave off the chaos, the dirt, the messiness...of living with small children and another adult.

I found new authors whose work I will look for: Donna Masini, Leland Cheuk, S. Bear Bergman, whose story, "The Nut Doesn't Fall Far From the Fucking Nut Tree is about picking ups his father's story telling gift: the gestures, the voice changes, the sense of pacing the action, and reading the room" simply by sitting as his father told stories at the bar when he was a little boy. Lizzie Skurnick's heartbreaking story is a collage about her mother, and her new son, Javi. Javi is awakening to the meaning of words, at the same time as her mother is losing what words mean. Oh, I think this is a treasure. Not just for the varieties of focus...some include whole lives; some, a special experience or ritual, some a family trip or journey. They each offer the reader a way to think about their own parents, and I guarantee will evoke painful or beautiful memories, both of your parents, and of your own parenting.

In Donna Masini's story, she talks about her mother saving everything, even tops of containers whose bottoms are missing. Every piece of her children's artwork, old Mass cards. The author saves too, but she most loves boxes, containers, the curating of her "treasures." I understand this so well. When she goes to organize her belongings, she realize that this calms her. "And all the saving, it's anxiety.Every reason I save things goes back to anxiety. This I share with my mother. And its source? We are going to die. We are going to forget. We are going to lose what we love most. And I understand why, as my mother's memory begins to fail, I get irrationally annoyed if she can't remember a high school friend whose mother stole a trench coat from Korvettes. She has been not only the container of my history, but was also, in fact, my original container. And I can't bear to let it go."

My own sense is that the readers who criticized the writing in this book didn't read the whole thing, or read the book too quickly. This book needs to be savored and the stories need to be surrounded with enough quiet that you can let your own stories reverberate. I am so glad for the book. I'll be rereading for certain.

[Kari Yergin · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5*. Most of this was great. I want to visually read it instead of listen to it, though. A few stories didn’t draw me in as much as others but it probably all depends on where you are in your life and your family. No matter what, I found it fascinating to enter these writers’ worlds.

“When writing about family, love is in clarity not sentiment.”

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worthy of five stars because even though not every single essay was fantastic, so many were that the book overall deserves it. Also, the editor put this together with an eye to diversity, which makes the range all the more enlightening.

[Chrystopher’s Archive · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartwarming, heartbreaking, haunting, and charming.

I guess I'm kind of obsessed with difficult and/or fraught family relationships, but this book is definitely something special. Drawn from such an awesome spectrum of experience and voices, each one of these essays had something thoughtful and nuanced to say. Everytime I thought I found a definitive favorite, I'd read another that I had to choose from.

I never did decide, but some of the contenders were Household Idols, Never Have Just One Boss, The Nut Doesn't Fall Far From The F***ing Nut Tree, Fragments From The Long Game, and of course the introduction from the editor.

Can't recommend highly enough.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the stories shared in this book and it goes to show that the apple does not fall far from the tree indeed.
Some stories are funny, light, others grow on you and some make you nostalgic...but all in all, this collection is what I'd call a warm collection.
Thank you for the eARC Netgalley.

[Kristine]

Authors writing about their parents~this sounds really interesting 🤔 I had never heard of it before today. My Libby Library has a copy. I am going to try this collection. Give some insight into how these authors developed into the talented people they are today 💕📚

[Kendra · Rating 1 out of 5]

Give that the authors in this collection are generally excellent, their writing about their own parents was surprisingly boring. This wasn't interesting in the context of the authors' works. nor was it terribly interesting as biographical, anecdotal, or other reading.

[Nicholas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful, beautiful, raw, & honest.

[Russell Bittner · Rating 5 out of 5]

“…another way that parents resemble the moon: they exert invisible forces that shift the tides in ourselves.” (p. 88).


Yes, I know: ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ is so common a phrase, it’s virtually a cliché. But I’ll maintain that it takes a special kind of genius to extract the real fruit from this phrase, apply it as the title of a book, then round up twenty-five of America’s best contemporary authors and convince them to write a personal essay in which each is the apple of his or her parental tree.

Lise Funderburg is just such a genius, and I commend her for the accomplishment. Trust me: you won’t be disappointed … not for a second, not in a word. And you may (as did I) discover a whole new trove of literary gems in her collection of writers.

But allow me now to climb down from my own wannabe metaphorical tree and give credit where credit is due: to some of the writers ensconced in this precious volume of essays.

The truncated subject-line of this review? From Laura Miller’s “Unlived Lives.”

In her essay, “All Knotted Up,” Dana Prescott had a somewhat different take on her “tree” on p. 68: “(t)he surprise outcome of my self-imposed exile from my childhood and family is that I now find myself professionally, personally, and geographically in a place where success is based on everything I learned as a child from my dramatically different but equally influential mother and father. Because of my father, I love a good martini, the laughter and company of crowds, travel, working hard, and oddly enough, poetry, long stanzas of which he had committed to memory.
“Because of my mother, I find solace in reading; I recharge through long periods of time alone; I have a profound love for beauty, be it in a landscape or a museum. Like my mother, I love to dance, to laugh ridiculously loudly; I take pride in a beautifully set table, the world of art and music, a well-tailored suit, and a shopping bargain.”

I must confess that Carolyn Ferrell’s “No Indifferent Place” (on p. 153) struck home with me because we apparently had an equivalent experience in old Berlin. “My mother chose to live as a stranger in a strange land; years later, I found myself in similar circumstances. I traveled to Germany after graduating college, to study literature at the Free University in Berlin. The experience was cold, lonely, and also captivating—I found a copy of Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet in a thrift shop in Kreuzberg and read and reread each page religiously. In one letter from 1903, Rilke advises aspiring young poet (and seemingly overall melancholic) Franz Kappus to look to his own experience for inspiration, not turn from it. If Kappus was unable to find subject matter there, well, then maybe he wasn’t cut out for the gritty life of a writer. ‘If your everyday life seems poor,’ Rilke writes, ‘don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is no poverty and no indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds—wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories?’ I (practicing my own melancholia) figured I was not the first lonely student to pick up the volume and identify with it too much.”

Ms. Ferrell found a thrift shop and a copy of Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet in Kreuzberg. I only lived there … and once contemplated suicide while sitting next to the grave of Felix Mendelssohn—also in dreary old Kreuzberg. But lucky for me, I bore witness to certain vituperation between two elderly Germans standing close by in the cemetery and decided, in a spendthrift moment, that at least I wasn’t that far gone. And so, I packed up and went home to my dark little Kachelofen-heated apartment on Solmstraße.

But the clearest direction comes from the mother of Kate Carroll de Gutes in her essay titled “Fragments from the Long Game.” On p. 172, we find: “(y)ou’ve got to write this down. Maybe my story can help someone else.” And later in the same essay, but on pp. 180 – 181, we find: “(t)he long game. My mother. Alzheimer’s. I am no better. I always felt disappointed and—can I say this about a dead parent?—a little angry when I witnessed her failed attempts at self-preservation. I felt so diligent, so different. Looking at that self slumped on the couch and holding a pint-sized Mason jar of red wine, all I feel now is compassion and chagrin.”

I’ll repeat myself at the risk of alienating you, a potential reader: do yourself a favor and read this collection of essays. If you recognize aspects of yourself in some of these confessions, don’t be surprised. We’re all human; yes, even our parents. And some of us (and of them), monstrously so!

RRB
Brooklyn, NY
06 October 2019

[Brent Wiggins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Apple, Tree: Writers on Their Parents by Lise Funderburg explores the adolescent trappings and developments of its contributors, starting from the root and out to the branch where gravity took a hold of them and plotted them in front of the parental gaze. Far pass Freudian theory, this collection on child rearing and family dynamics informs the writer’s life as something both undesirable and desirable as bath time. The dichotomous relationship of the apple (child) and the tree (parent) can be felt first in the bifurcation by the comma in the book’s title. Difference within or between family members is not always apparent, but as the tree holds the apple, the parent holds onto the child, until the child notices just how far out of reach the parent is and vice versa...

To read my full review, please visit my website here:
https://wigginswords.com/2019/08/30/a...

Thank you to NetGalley and The University of Nebraska Press for sending a review copy. I enjoyed the read!

[Jennifer Spiegel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm hoping that my next novel is about a middle-aged woman's relationship with her aging mom. And these essays, by a variety of authors, are varied but focused on the relationship between writers and their parents. I read it as "research"!!

Some essays were so hard-hitting and there are too many gems. Marc Mewshaw, Donna Masini, and Daniel Mendelsohn possibly wrote my favorite essays, but maybe I'll feel differently on another day.

Here is one quote:

"In a corner of the closet, in a drawer of a 1950s end table, I find the clothbound blank book I gave her. Keep your secrets in here, I’d written on the flyleaf. 1983. It’s empty. Not a word. But it is as if she has written a giant FUCK YOU! on every page. I’d wanted to give her a place to keep the kinds of reflections that could have helped her. Haven’t they helped me, the journals I’ve kept since I was 14? Hundreds, stacked in my closet, the records of dreams, obsessions, confessions, events recorded before they became memories. Part of me feels a thing hasn’t happened until I’ve written it down."


By Donna Masini

[Susanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the University of Nebraska Press and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I do love essays, and this book more than met my expectations. I was only familiar with a few of the authors that contributed, but was entranced by each essay in turn, even though they were each different, sometimes very different, in tone. The glimpses into family life, what shaped and made you, were very open, honest and personal. I've already gone looking for further reading by the contributors.

Highly recommend!

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

mixed bag as might be expected from anthology. Really enjoyed Lauren Grodstein's essay on intergenerational differences in how family meal times were handled at her house. That kind of specific slice of life somehow spoke more to me than the ones who took the opportunity to describe all the ways in which their parents were dysfunctional (many) or quirky (ex. the one whose Dad was a compulsive storyteller). I conclude that some stuff is more interesting to talk to your siblings or friends about than to relay to the world at large.

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a series of essays written by authors about their parents. In almost every case, the stories told of very hard times in their lives, usually brought on by neglect, abuse, alcoholism, etc. and it is why most of them became authors. Some, actually most, of the authors parents were really clueless at how to be a parent, and I felt a belated sort of kinship with them and feeling terrible for them because I had such and idyllic childhood with loving parents and siblings. Some of the essays were so-so and some were funny. It's worth the read.

[Lili Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Loved Kyoko Mori's "One Man's Poison" the best!

"My father was a complete narcissist. The pragmatic selfish streaks he passed on to me is undoubtedly a poison. But in small doses, it can be a form of medicine, like a weakened virus that immunizes us against life-threatening illness. My mother's legacy, too, is a potent substance that can sustain me or kill me. Her tendency to brood, to ask too many questions, to stay with the same thoughts all day long, fuels my writing."

[Elizabeth Rynecki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Has it ever happened to you...you say something, think something, see yourself make a particular gesture...and you think...that’s my mom (or dad!). It’s definitely happened to me which is why I am really enjoying this collection of essays. It’s quite a range of authors and styles, but all are introspective on what we purposefully and accidentally inherit from our parents.

[Cynthia Livingston · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a thoroughly delightful book, with short chapters that made for reading while waiting to pick up grandchildren without losing your thoughts. Some sad, some happy and all of them thought provoking as a window into the child-parent relationship written by articulate people. Also a good bedside book for when you want just one more chapter before turning out the light.

[Marti Wade · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was a great concept for a book, but in execution, it was tough to keep reading. With a memoir, you gradually build a picture of someone's life and relationships. With 25 different writers describing their families, I had a hard time remembering which story was which. Many were quite similar. Might work better as stand-alone essays or if you only read one at a time.

[Carlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of personal essays can be tricky, but the question, "In what way do you see yourself reflected in your parents," turns out to be deeply fertile ground for all but a handful of these 25. A few feel perfunctory, but I kept finding myself gasping with the intensity of emotion in the turns of many of these. Well worth it.

[Cheryl Walsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some wonderful essays in here and well-crafted writing throughout. The writers are diverse, culturally as well as genre-wise, and their perspectives on parenting are wide ranging. The collection was always entertaining and insightful, sometimes moving.

[Joni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Love the concept but underwhelmed by most of the stories.

[Aashna Mangal · Rating 1 out of 5]

i feel like it was better in theory, bc it was short stories it was hard to get myself to keep reading and I started skimming sm

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Apparently, you need a terrible childhood to become a writer.

[Anna Persky · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great collection of essays about writing about family. I was particularly moved by Kyoko Mori's essay, "One Man's Poison," and Susan Ito's essay, "Never Have Just One Boss."

[Eileen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love the idea of writers writing about their parents. Some essays brought me to tears.