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Lean Out: The Truth About Women, Power, and the Workplace
Marissa Orr, Facebook and Google veteran, explains why our efforts to close the gender gap have failed and posits that overhauling the business world’s paradigm of a “successful leader” will result in greater diversity in corporate leadership and foster healthier work environments for both women and men.
Based on in-depth research and eye-opening personal experiences, author and tech industry veteran Marissa Orr explains why our pursuit to close the gender gap has come at the expense of female well-being and posits that overhauling the business world’s paradigm of a “successful leader” will lead to greater diversity in corporate leadership and foster healthier work environments for both women and men.
After Orr, a single mother of three, spent fifteen years working at today’s top tech giants like Facebook and Google, she became frustrated with the companies’ efforts to promote more women. The lectures, workshops, and trainings delivered the subtle message that success requires adopting the behavior of her male colleagues.
Orr realized that closing the gender gap in corporate America won’t improve women’s lives, because the goal stems from a male worldview, built on the premise of female inferiority--and that’s why the numbers at the top have barely budged, despite thirty years of trying. Solving the problem won’t necessarily create more female-friendly corporate environments, and the process requires women to sacrifice their well-being.
Suspecting that many women around her felt the same, she wrote a series of lectures encouraging women to define success on their own terms. She quickly discovered that her revolutionary message resonates with women, as her workshop attendance exploded 1,500 percent over the course of a single year.
Lean Out offers contrarian, often humorous insights to this critical global dialogue and provides a pathway for both individuals and companies to promote a more inclusive workplace that benefits all employees.
Based on in-depth research and eye-opening personal experiences, author and tech industry veteran Marissa Orr explains why our pursuit to close the gender gap has come at the expense of female well-being and posits that overhauling the business world’s paradigm of a “successful leader” will lead to greater diversity in corporate leadership and foster healthier work environments for both women and men.
After Orr, a single mother of three, spent fifteen years working at today’s top tech giants like Facebook and Google, she became frustrated with the companies’ efforts to promote more women. The lectures, workshops, and trainings delivered the subtle message that success requires adopting the behavior of her male colleagues.
Orr realized that closing the gender gap in corporate America won’t improve women’s lives, because the goal stems from a male worldview, built on the premise of female inferiority--and that’s why the numbers at the top have barely budged, despite thirty years of trying. Solving the problem won’t necessarily create more female-friendly corporate environments, and the process requires women to sacrifice their well-being.
Suspecting that many women around her felt the same, she wrote a series of lectures encouraging women to define success on their own terms. She quickly discovered that her revolutionary message resonates with women, as her workshop attendance exploded 1,500 percent over the course of a single year.
Lean Out offers contrarian, often humorous insights to this critical global dialogue and provides a pathway for both individuals and companies to promote a more inclusive workplace that benefits all employees.
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First published June 11, 2019
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April 26, 2025This was a very frustrating book for me. While I think there are some portions with useful insights and interesting information, there are also a lot assumptions, generalizations, and interpretations of things that I really don't agree with. This book also feels extremely narrow in its view in that it mostly applies to wealthy/privileged white women, and even there doesn't do a great job. In my opinion, this would have been better as a book about women in corporate technology (which is ultimately what it's mostly about despite hopes of being more broad) and how to recognize if you are too free-spirited and creative to thrive in such an environment. Instead we had something that feels messy and left me pulling my hair at things like....
- Circular reasoning that assumes statistics on gendered interest in becoming CEO are not affected by culture. No one thinks that ALL women should want to be a CEO, but culture pushes men to want that and cultural inequalities discourage women.
- Similarly, she argues that women aren't going into STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) fields because they just aren't interested in it. (her own bias is clear since she discusses hating math and science) This disregards important research that shows how many young girls ARE interested in those things until they hit an age where these things become gendered and most of them drop out. And the research demonstrating the unique challenges faced by the women who DO overcome those barriers and enter such fields. Not to mention the problems faced by people of color and (intersectionally) women of color. But no, her answer is basically "women aren't interested because they are women and care about other things, so stop trying to force them into something they don't want!"Aghhhh
- She focuses on entirely on corporate culture and reasons women might not seek out power there and aren't interested without looking at other fields like politics or non-profit organizations which can be quite different and where more women may be interested in power.
- Which leads into her assumption that most women are like her (not interested in power or management) and most women are not like Sheryl Sandberg (enjoy positions of authority, were called "bossy" as girls) and that is a big assumption. Not to mention, the EXACT SAME ONE she accuses Sandberg of making! Honestly, while her approach has its issues, I personally identify way more with Sandberg. Do I think I'm in the minority for that? I have no idea and neither do they because no one has studied it!
- Similarly, she makes a bunch of generalizations and assumptions about what constitutes "normal" female behavior in terms of things like making friends and seeking out support (thereby making mentor programs for women silly apparently). While she gives examples of some great female networks (which I agree are valuable and worth studying) it is also a huge leap to assume that most or all women naturally gravitate toward these behaviors without accounting for things like personality etc. Particularly in a corporate work context, this is not necessarily true. And what about women of color who might not feel comfortable seeking support from mostly white co-workers in some of these organizations? I could go on, but this whole section and others felt kind of sexist to me.
- Probably the thing that shocked and upset me the most was in reference to the gender pay gap when she said "Money is only useful insofar as it lets us live out our desires". *shocked silence* I mean what an incredibly privileged statement to make! She cites a former co-worker (who I assume had an extremely high salary) saying she would take a huge pay cut for a better boss, saying that what matters is happiness, not what you make and women just choose careers that pay less (like education or nursing etc) because that is what they want to do. There are so many problems with this logic, including the fact that maybe these careers pay less BECAUSE they are traditionally associated with women and caregiving! What about racial disparities in pay and access to jobs? What about the many women and men who are working not to "live out their desires" but to survive and feed their children?! This one made me angry.
Rarely do I read a book that upsets me so much I am taking notes for my review (I usually don't take any notes and I had a bunch for this one!). And while there were some interesting bits about the problems in corporations like Facebook who say one thing and do another, and some good passages on the importance of adding more voices to the conversation about women rather than focusing just on the women at the top (though to be fair, more intersectional feminism already does this), I was mostly just left with a bad taste in my mouth. I went in thinking maybe I would give this two stars, but after writing my review, I just can't. I'm sure some people will find value here, but I had to many major problems with it. There are better options out there.
- Circular reasoning that assumes statistics on gendered interest in becoming CEO are not affected by culture. No one thinks that ALL women should want to be a CEO, but culture pushes men to want that and cultural inequalities discourage women.
- Similarly, she argues that women aren't going into STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) fields because they just aren't interested in it. (her own bias is clear since she discusses hating math and science) This disregards important research that shows how many young girls ARE interested in those things until they hit an age where these things become gendered and most of them drop out. And the research demonstrating the unique challenges faced by the women who DO overcome those barriers and enter such fields. Not to mention the problems faced by people of color and (intersectionally) women of color. But no, her answer is basically "women aren't interested because they are women and care about other things, so stop trying to force them into something they don't want!"Aghhhh
- She focuses on entirely on corporate culture and reasons women might not seek out power there and aren't interested without looking at other fields like politics or non-profit organizations which can be quite different and where more women may be interested in power.
- Which leads into her assumption that most women are like her (not interested in power or management) and most women are not like Sheryl Sandberg (enjoy positions of authority, were called "bossy" as girls) and that is a big assumption. Not to mention, the EXACT SAME ONE she accuses Sandberg of making! Honestly, while her approach has its issues, I personally identify way more with Sandberg. Do I think I'm in the minority for that? I have no idea and neither do they because no one has studied it!
- Similarly, she makes a bunch of generalizations and assumptions about what constitutes "normal" female behavior in terms of things like making friends and seeking out support (thereby making mentor programs for women silly apparently). While she gives examples of some great female networks (which I agree are valuable and worth studying) it is also a huge leap to assume that most or all women naturally gravitate toward these behaviors without accounting for things like personality etc. Particularly in a corporate work context, this is not necessarily true. And what about women of color who might not feel comfortable seeking support from mostly white co-workers in some of these organizations? I could go on, but this whole section and others felt kind of sexist to me.
- Probably the thing that shocked and upset me the most was in reference to the gender pay gap when she said "Money is only useful insofar as it lets us live out our desires". *shocked silence* I mean what an incredibly privileged statement to make! She cites a former co-worker (who I assume had an extremely high salary) saying she would take a huge pay cut for a better boss, saying that what matters is happiness, not what you make and women just choose careers that pay less (like education or nursing etc) because that is what they want to do. There are so many problems with this logic, including the fact that maybe these careers pay less BECAUSE they are traditionally associated with women and caregiving! What about racial disparities in pay and access to jobs? What about the many women and men who are working not to "live out their desires" but to survive and feed their children?! This one made me angry.
Rarely do I read a book that upsets me so much I am taking notes for my review (I usually don't take any notes and I had a bunch for this one!). And while there were some interesting bits about the problems in corporations like Facebook who say one thing and do another, and some good passages on the importance of adding more voices to the conversation about women rather than focusing just on the women at the top (though to be fair, more intersectional feminism already does this), I was mostly just left with a bad taste in my mouth. I went in thinking maybe I would give this two stars, but after writing my review, I just can't. I'm sure some people will find value here, but I had to many major problems with it. There are better options out there.
September 28, 2019
Did anyone fact check this book?
The premise is the only strong point. The author’s main stake is that the corporate workplace doesn’t offer the rewards women want—which I could agree with—but there are no practical solutions beyond saying that the rewards system needs to change. All I found were tweetable one-liners surrounded by nonexistent research, gross misrepresentation of other books, flimsy arguments, and almost no original ideas. I think the author could be sued for libel for the way she misrepresents the study at the beginning of chapter 3, and her debunking of other women’s books felt like vindictive attacks for personal slights rather than disproving their ideas.
I kept hoping the book would get better, maybe when the author finally moved on to argue for her own ideas, but I never felt like it offered anything substantial. Few books make me mad, but this one did.
If you don’t like the rules of the game, you can get out of the corporate workplace—but don’t write a book that wastes the time of people who are trying to change the system from within.
The premise is the only strong point. The author’s main stake is that the corporate workplace doesn’t offer the rewards women want—which I could agree with—but there are no practical solutions beyond saying that the rewards system needs to change. All I found were tweetable one-liners surrounded by nonexistent research, gross misrepresentation of other books, flimsy arguments, and almost no original ideas. I think the author could be sued for libel for the way she misrepresents the study at the beginning of chapter 3, and her debunking of other women’s books felt like vindictive attacks for personal slights rather than disproving their ideas.
I kept hoping the book would get better, maybe when the author finally moved on to argue for her own ideas, but I never felt like it offered anything substantial. Few books make me mad, but this one did.
If you don’t like the rules of the game, you can get out of the corporate workplace—but don’t write a book that wastes the time of people who are trying to change the system from within.
May 16, 2019
This book was absolutely incredible. My mind is blown by some of the statements, facts, and observations shared by Orr -- both from her own personal experience (Google and Facebook - holy cow!!!) and from other research and findings. Her writing and wisdom are brilliant, and she very eloquently lays out what it truly means to be a woman in corporate America. She said several things that really validated my own feelings. For so long I couldn't understand or describe how I felt, but she did it for me and allowed me to know it's okay that I feel this way. I could not recommend this book more!
June 20, 2019
I received this copy of the book from HarperCollins Leadership in return for an honest review.
I was super excited to read this book as I believed that the topic seemed interesting and was exactly leaning into the direction that I believe we as women should embrace, our true selves. There are so many wonderful things we as women can bring to this life in both work and personal experiences that we shouldn't be told to act like men or anyone other than ourselves. So I agree with Marissa Orr that women are just as capable of making setting their eyes on a goal and accomplishing that goal, big or small and being comfortable with the decisions we are making.
I can't say that the book didn't offer exactly what it said it would. "Marissa Orr, Facebook and Google veteran, explains why our efforts to close the gender gap have failed and posits that overhauling the business world's paradigm of a 'successful leader' will result in greater diversity in corporate leadership and foster healthier work environments for both women and men."- From the back cover. She definitely explained the failures, but after getting into the book 3/4 of the way through, I was getting tired of all of the finger pointing. It seemed like it was an opportunity for the author to have her voice heard and have her grievances against others known in a very public widespread manner. We know there are inequalities in the business world with men and women that is why we picked up the book with this subject. What I really wanted to hear was the solution outlined to start making an impact. Yes, we need to embrace who we are, but is there more? How do we make a difference? How do we make these valuable assets of womanly ways work to our advantage? Now to be fair, maybe I somehow missed this whole explanation on what the next steps were. By the time I got to page 129 and read "We have been trying to change people's behavior the same way we've tried to solve nationwide obesity: by explaining why people would lose weight and how to do it. And with similar results. That is, none at all." I was pretty much done. All I could think when I read this was, this is exactly the same thing this book is doing. For 129 pages all I read about was how leaders were trying to change women to "lean in" to be more like men and why we should "lean out" and be ourselves, but I was tired of no how to, so all I could think about was this book isn't going to give us any more results than any book before. At that point all I could do was skim the rest of the book. I was drained and frustrated with what seemed like drama and gossip about people I don't know, nor do I care about and found no value in the pages I had already read. I didn't want to waste more time and energy.
Now, I do know that a book takes a lot of hard work and passion so I applaud the author for putting the time into creating the project and I appreciate the subject matter. I just wish there was more tangible information and less condemning of others' methods.
I was super excited to read this book as I believed that the topic seemed interesting and was exactly leaning into the direction that I believe we as women should embrace, our true selves. There are so many wonderful things we as women can bring to this life in both work and personal experiences that we shouldn't be told to act like men or anyone other than ourselves. So I agree with Marissa Orr that women are just as capable of making setting their eyes on a goal and accomplishing that goal, big or small and being comfortable with the decisions we are making.
I can't say that the book didn't offer exactly what it said it would. "Marissa Orr, Facebook and Google veteran, explains why our efforts to close the gender gap have failed and posits that overhauling the business world's paradigm of a 'successful leader' will result in greater diversity in corporate leadership and foster healthier work environments for both women and men."- From the back cover. She definitely explained the failures, but after getting into the book 3/4 of the way through, I was getting tired of all of the finger pointing. It seemed like it was an opportunity for the author to have her voice heard and have her grievances against others known in a very public widespread manner. We know there are inequalities in the business world with men and women that is why we picked up the book with this subject. What I really wanted to hear was the solution outlined to start making an impact. Yes, we need to embrace who we are, but is there more? How do we make a difference? How do we make these valuable assets of womanly ways work to our advantage? Now to be fair, maybe I somehow missed this whole explanation on what the next steps were. By the time I got to page 129 and read "We have been trying to change people's behavior the same way we've tried to solve nationwide obesity: by explaining why people would lose weight and how to do it. And with similar results. That is, none at all." I was pretty much done. All I could think when I read this was, this is exactly the same thing this book is doing. For 129 pages all I read about was how leaders were trying to change women to "lean in" to be more like men and why we should "lean out" and be ourselves, but I was tired of no how to, so all I could think about was this book isn't going to give us any more results than any book before. At that point all I could do was skim the rest of the book. I was drained and frustrated with what seemed like drama and gossip about people I don't know, nor do I care about and found no value in the pages I had already read. I didn't want to waste more time and energy.
Now, I do know that a book takes a lot of hard work and passion so I applaud the author for putting the time into creating the project and I appreciate the subject matter. I just wish there was more tangible information and less condemning of others' methods.
June 12, 2019
I struggled to finish this book. The author carried a negative tone throughout and spent much of the first half complaining and arguing against other feminist viewpoints and ideas. Rather than balance her negative view with positive steps she kept going farther down the rabbit hole. I have worked in a corporate role for the last 12 years and have not had the same experience that Ms. Orr describes in terms of the gender gap and lack of opportunities for women.
*I recieved a copy of the book from HarperCollins Leadership
*I recieved a copy of the book from HarperCollins Leadership
May 12, 2019
I thought this book made total sense about being yourself and knowing what you want (and how to get it) in the workforce. It’s well written and has a a nice balance of research based facts and personal anecdotes. A must read for any female who wants success in the working world and for any male who wants to work successfully with females! I received a copy of the book from Harper Collins leadership.
May 5, 2019
Marissa Orr has written a book about biases in the workplace. Some parts of her experiences surprised me, even though I had heard similar stories from my friends who work in New York City in various corporations. It has also been very interesting to read about well-known businesses and their not-so-popular practices. If you really want to understand what frequently happens to women in the business world, you’ll learn a lot from this book! Check it out!
May 22, 2019
I received a copy of this book from Harper Collins but the opinions in this review are mine.
Marissa Orr has written a book about how to succeed in whatever business you are in by being yourself and not having to change to be "more like a man" to do it. As someone who is not in corporate America but is part of an academic institution/hospital system - many of the studies and anecdotes were so similar to what I and my other female colleagues are dealing with on a daily basis. And much like in her own experience, we are told to be more like the men, when in actuality, we need to be more like ourselves and be ok with being ourselves. Marissa's writing is filled with solid research and her own stories and opinions, which makes the book very enjoyable. There were times I wanted to laugh at her snarkiness but other times I wanted to cheer for how she was writing about women being successful. Overall this is a book that should be read by any woman (and man) who is in a work environment that might seem male dominated. I really enjoyed it and would highly recommend it to anyone!
Marissa Orr has written a book about how to succeed in whatever business you are in by being yourself and not having to change to be "more like a man" to do it. As someone who is not in corporate America but is part of an academic institution/hospital system - many of the studies and anecdotes were so similar to what I and my other female colleagues are dealing with on a daily basis. And much like in her own experience, we are told to be more like the men, when in actuality, we need to be more like ourselves and be ok with being ourselves. Marissa's writing is filled with solid research and her own stories and opinions, which makes the book very enjoyable. There were times I wanted to laugh at her snarkiness but other times I wanted to cheer for how she was writing about women being successful. Overall this is a book that should be read by any woman (and man) who is in a work environment that might seem male dominated. I really enjoyed it and would highly recommend it to anyone!
May 19, 2019
Pivotal. Honest. A must-read for anyone in the corporate world who is wondering, “Is it just me?” Spoiler alert: it’s not. Marissa provides valuable perspective on women in the workforce and how we can change the conversation on the gender gap. Her storytelling is real and engaging— I was hooked from page one. I received a copy of the book from HarperCollins Leadership.
June 2, 2019
I was given a free copy of this book at BEA 2019.
Overall, I think this book does a great job at characterizing the current feminist rhetoric and redefining what true choice means for women in the workplace. As someone who constantly is told that I should subvert gender norms by being ambitious and assertive, I do think part of the problem stems from cultural conditioning (i.e. women not being as outspoken), but Marissa Orr is absolutely correct that these evaluations stem from using men and their positions as a baseline. I even admit to seeing voluntary stay-at-home moms and immediately feeling as though they are somehow less ambitious.
The first section of the book is, in my opinion, the strongest. It clearly acknowledge the current dialogue and analyzes it in a new light, exposing some of the logical fallacies. Marissa Orr uses some fantastic quotes at the beginning of each chapter and has a style of writing where she crosses out what she really means to add a comedic value to certain aspects of the book.
I think the chapter on mentoring fell a little flat for me since I think her characterization of a mentor is overly simplistic. While I agree with her evaluation of how men and women use relationships differently, I think she could have used this opportunity to callback her experience with Kimberly (in the introduction) to demonstrate that even though there are fewer female mentors in a corporate America, those that do exist are less likely to help and mentor those under them (as Kimberly had done with the author). This would have demonstrated and further strengthened her point that women are advised to act more like men and will see any female-dominant trait as largely negative.
Additionally, as I mentioned while I was reading this book, even though this book isn't meant outside the binary view of male and female, I think there should be a brief acknowledgment on how the conclusions of this book are affected or unaffected by the fluidity of gender. There were a few disclaimers in the Introduction that focused on race, ethnicity, and the idea of privilege, all of which were good but only tangentially related to the topic of the book. I think a more useful one would have been about gender and sex and where the line is for her in writing this book.
Overall, I did really enjoy this book. I think it presented some new opinions and made me really rethink the types of programming provided to women about moving up the ladder at work.
Overall, I think this book does a great job at characterizing the current feminist rhetoric and redefining what true choice means for women in the workplace. As someone who constantly is told that I should subvert gender norms by being ambitious and assertive, I do think part of the problem stems from cultural conditioning (i.e. women not being as outspoken), but Marissa Orr is absolutely correct that these evaluations stem from using men and their positions as a baseline. I even admit to seeing voluntary stay-at-home moms and immediately feeling as though they are somehow less ambitious.
The first section of the book is, in my opinion, the strongest. It clearly acknowledge the current dialogue and analyzes it in a new light, exposing some of the logical fallacies. Marissa Orr uses some fantastic quotes at the beginning of each chapter and has a style of writing where she crosses out what she really means to add a comedic value to certain aspects of the book.
I think the chapter on mentoring fell a little flat for me since I think her characterization of a mentor is overly simplistic. While I agree with her evaluation of how men and women use relationships differently, I think she could have used this opportunity to callback her experience with Kimberly (in the introduction) to demonstrate that even though there are fewer female mentors in a corporate America, those that do exist are less likely to help and mentor those under them (as Kimberly had done with the author). This would have demonstrated and further strengthened her point that women are advised to act more like men and will see any female-dominant trait as largely negative.
Additionally, as I mentioned while I was reading this book, even though this book isn't meant outside the binary view of male and female, I think there should be a brief acknowledgment on how the conclusions of this book are affected or unaffected by the fluidity of gender. There were a few disclaimers in the Introduction that focused on race, ethnicity, and the idea of privilege, all of which were good but only tangentially related to the topic of the book. I think a more useful one would have been about gender and sex and where the line is for her in writing this book.
Overall, I did really enjoy this book. I think it presented some new opinions and made me really rethink the types of programming provided to women about moving up the ladder at work.
November 15, 2019
I'm definitely not an executive (and honestly after reading this book I don't want to aspire to be one!) and yet Lean Out was a fascinating read for me, especially since all I know of the tech world is through watching Silicon Valley and what I've learned from the executive world is lack of consideration for the lower-level employees. Despite this, I could relate to some of Ms. Orr's experiences and learned about Lean In versus Lean Out. Ms. Orr's approach in the empowerment of women, 'sharing her truth and telling (her) story' was incredibly interesting. There's a lot of work ahead for equality, however her experiences have influenced her to help others to change the 'national conversation on women and work'. -- and her book does just that.
May 21, 2019
What an interesting book! I have had a hard time putting it down. I don't typically review advance copies of books; however, the topic of this book intrigued me as my daughter will soon be entering the workforce and her options and perspective is so much different from mine at her age. I wanted to access Marissa's insight into the corporate world. I was especially interested when I learned she articulates a different view of gender equality in the workplace than is often articulated in the media. I was not disappointed!
Marissa shares her corporate experiences, which are certainly eye-opening especially for those women entering the corporate world. She offers some suggestions at how corporate culture might address the rewards and gender differences between men and women. What I found most refreshing about her book is the exhortation and permission to BE WHO YOU ARE, embrace your own core values, and create your own definition of success. Each person can and should define success in a different way, and as women, we should not be in the business of defining what other women want and define as "success". Marissa's experience demonstrates that women are in fact, effective leaders and ambitious; however, they oftentimes demonstrate these truths in far different ways than men. It's time that we as a nation adjust the way we look at power, influence, and success. Lean Out gives valid information about how to do just that. I was given an advance copy for my honest review from Harper Collins Leadership. #harpercollinsambassador #LeanOuttheBook www.LeanOuttheBook.com
Marissa shares her corporate experiences, which are certainly eye-opening especially for those women entering the corporate world. She offers some suggestions at how corporate culture might address the rewards and gender differences between men and women. What I found most refreshing about her book is the exhortation and permission to BE WHO YOU ARE, embrace your own core values, and create your own definition of success. Each person can and should define success in a different way, and as women, we should not be in the business of defining what other women want and define as "success". Marissa's experience demonstrates that women are in fact, effective leaders and ambitious; however, they oftentimes demonstrate these truths in far different ways than men. It's time that we as a nation adjust the way we look at power, influence, and success. Lean Out gives valid information about how to do just that. I was given an advance copy for my honest review from Harper Collins Leadership. #harpercollinsambassador #LeanOuttheBook www.LeanOuttheBook.com
May 25, 2019
Marissa Orr wrote, “When working moms lean out, it’s often because we are leaning in to something far more important: ourselves. And for that, we should be applauded.” As a woman in a male dominated culture, I crave a role which capitalizes on my skills and allows for me to have a healthy work/life balance.
I was not a fan of ‘Lean In.’ I do not believe that I have to behave differently in order to have a chair pulled up to the table for me. I do not have to join the ‘boys club’ to be taken seriously. I ask for the things that I want and need, and I am 100% myself. I have backbone; I disagree and commit when there is a direct need for my project and department. I respect the power that I have as a woman, and I have earned my seat at the table as well as for my voice to be heard.
In “Lean Out,” Marissa Orr equips us with the tools that will help us each to write out own story, instead of allowing ourselves to become a supporting character in someone else’s story. I feel that I am becoming a stronger leader as I continue to ‘Lean Out.’
I was not a fan of ‘Lean In.’ I do not believe that I have to behave differently in order to have a chair pulled up to the table for me. I do not have to join the ‘boys club’ to be taken seriously. I ask for the things that I want and need, and I am 100% myself. I have backbone; I disagree and commit when there is a direct need for my project and department. I respect the power that I have as a woman, and I have earned my seat at the table as well as for my voice to be heard.
In “Lean Out,” Marissa Orr equips us with the tools that will help us each to write out own story, instead of allowing ourselves to become a supporting character in someone else’s story. I feel that I am becoming a stronger leader as I continue to ‘Lean Out.’
June 1, 2019
I really enjoyed Marissa Ott's take on women in the workplace. She challenges corporate thinking around women having to take on leadership qualities that men possess. Her ideas around the gap that exists between gender and confidence alone are worth the read. Ott uses a perfect balance of humor, facts and research along with personal antidotes to make her a very relatable author. Workplaces should be places that allow each worker to utilize their strengths to benefit to company, as opposed to expecting women to act just like males in the workforce. It was a good read that kept me engaged from start to finish.
I received a copy of Orr's new book, "Lean Out", from Harper Collins Leadership but all opinions are my own.
I received a copy of Orr's new book, "Lean Out", from Harper Collins Leadership but all opinions are my own.
June 16, 2023
Finally a book that does NOT preach women how to fit into the corporate world (none of the lean in recommendations). The book tries to address the source of the dysfunctions in the modern white collar workforce and provides a pretty good analysis. It lost a star for me because at times Marissa repeats herself, but overall a must-read for all women in corporate, with its rich reference to all relevant books and research in this field.
May 20, 2019
I haven't finished Lean Out yet, but I will. It's an eye-opening read on why the structures that women are expected to fit into in Corporate America just aren't working.
Any woman who has ever worked in a corporate setting knows the drill. Want to lead? Be more like a man. But then we're penalized for being "too aggressive". So, the system expects us to act one way to climb the ladder, but then holds it against us when we try to move up. And what about those of us who have no desire to be management, but who find ourselves on a "move up or move out" path?
Orr speaks to these situations with personal anecdotes and solid research. She explores the reasons why the current system isn't helping to close the gender gap, and why it actually does women in the workplace more harm than good.
I'm looking forward to reading the entire book, and I expect I'll read it more than once.
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of the book from the publisher. All opinions here are mine, and I don't say nice things about books I don't actually like.
Any woman who has ever worked in a corporate setting knows the drill. Want to lead? Be more like a man. But then we're penalized for being "too aggressive". So, the system expects us to act one way to climb the ladder, but then holds it against us when we try to move up. And what about those of us who have no desire to be management, but who find ourselves on a "move up or move out" path?
Orr speaks to these situations with personal anecdotes and solid research. She explores the reasons why the current system isn't helping to close the gender gap, and why it actually does women in the workplace more harm than good.
I'm looking forward to reading the entire book, and I expect I'll read it more than once.
Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of the book from the publisher. All opinions here are mine, and I don't say nice things about books I don't actually like.
May 25, 2019
I received a copy of the book from HarperCollins Leadership. Orr does a fantastic job of explaining how the opinions of some have grown a feminism movement into something that isn't necessarily for everyone. As a woman in corporate America, I do not desire to be at the top of the food chain, but drive every day towards a work-life balance and success in other ways. Lean Out is the shakeup needed for women to stop comparing their success to the success of men, and to measure success in their own well-being. A long overdue discussion!
May 23, 2019
I quickly made my way through an Advance reader copy of this book from the publisher. It was really hard to put down! I was so thrilled to be part of the amabassador program, and I knew from the title this would be a great read. As someone who works in the business world this is SUCH a fresh perspective from the other businesses books and women's development materials for business. Marissa brings a new insight to the table with her own experiences, however is great at playing devil's advocate and looking at all angles of an argument. She backs her points with facts and studies from a variety of resources and them presents possible solutions. This book is a must read for anyone in business - woman or man, anyone who is looking to add to their toolbox of skills, or anyone looking for an interesting read! I am recommending it to everyone I know.
May 21, 2019
I was blessed to get an advanced reader’s copy of this book from HarperCollins Leadership. Marissa Orr does an outstanding job presenting statics throughout the entire book regarding women in the workplace. Some of them are extremely eye opening and absolutely relatable. Some of the points made about there being a gap between genders and confidence is spot on! It’s been a few years since I worked in Corporate America, but I still see her points and could relate to them in my non-corporate job. Great read with several ah-ha moments!
May 20, 2019
I received an advanced copy of this book from Harper Collins Leadership and was hooked from the beginning. As someone who leaned out a year and a half ago, leaving a large corporate job for a smaller family owned business to provide less stress & more time with the kids, I identified with so many aspects of this book. It’s nice to hear the other side of the argument and know you’re not the only woman feeling the pressure to “do it all” when you don’t actually want to. Definitely recommend this book!
May 21, 2019
The realist, no play, straight forward, cut the BS, live your own dreams-not someone else’s-book you will ever get your hands on! Oh! She’ll make you laugh too! Read yourself this HUGE favor from Marissa! I received a copy of the book from HarperCollins Leadership and had a chance to read an Advance Reader Copy! (So Lucky!)
June 14, 2019
Lean Out! Company Culture is a Reflection of Its Leaders - Marissa Orr
I have finished reading Lean Out. Marissa Orr motivates her readers to impact their workforce by fostering environments that bring out the best in each other.
The ideas presented are bright and powerful. This book will have an impact on creating a healthier work environment for both men and women.
Review based on an Advance Reader Copy Uncorrected Proof supplied to me by the publisher Harper Collins Leadership.
I have finished reading Lean Out. Marissa Orr motivates her readers to impact their workforce by fostering environments that bring out the best in each other.
The ideas presented are bright and powerful. This book will have an impact on creating a healthier work environment for both men and women.
Review based on an Advance Reader Copy Uncorrected Proof supplied to me by the publisher Harper Collins Leadership.
May 20, 2019
Male or female, this is an empowering read. Honest, and candid regarding a woman’s role and worth as it pertains to the corporate model. We deserve more and we deserve better and this book encompasses that. Read an advance copy from the publisher. Would highly recommend ordering!
May 20, 2019
I’m just diving in to this book and I already love it!! A great read for any woman out there! Highly recommend! Cannot wait to keep reading
June 12, 2019
I didn’t read “Lean In”- want to be up front about that. I say that because this book is in opposition of the “Lean In” thinking. “Lean In” focuses on women changing their behavior and actions to be more like men- aggressive, assertive, and go for the promotions and management positions.
“Lean Out” focuses more on being who you are,knowing what you want and living how you want to live. The introduction of the book is a debunking of research and “ thoughts” people ( women and men doing research in the business world) have put out there talking about what women are doing wrong, why women don’t get paid as much and don’t get the promotions/management positions.
Page XXIX Introduction “Perhaps the most difficult part for me to accept was the incessant stream of advice on how to behave. Instead of encouraging us to lean into our individual strengths and celebrate the value women bring to the table, we were essentially being told to behave more like men”.
Marissa did a great job of calling out what I’d call “ the elephant in the room”- women are managers- if not in their workplaces then definitely in their homes. She doesn’t pushy foot around this fact. “I’m responsible for enough people at home. I don’t want to be responsible for people at work. I just want to do work.”
This was one of my favorite lines. “When women aren’t interested in something like science, it’s a societal disease. When men are disinterested in anything nobody freaking cares.” I wonder what would happen if we just let people be who they wanted to be, do what they want to do ( reasonable actions of course), and stop judging/analyzing everyone and everything
Another favorite line “ We blame stereotypes for the lack of women running big corporations, but we never talk about stereotypes for the lack of men running our homes”.
I found this book to be interesting and made me think about what I want to do in my life and who I want to be. It confirmed that I want to be me and be the best me.
I received this book from HarperCollins Leadership.
“Lean Out” focuses more on being who you are,knowing what you want and living how you want to live. The introduction of the book is a debunking of research and “ thoughts” people ( women and men doing research in the business world) have put out there talking about what women are doing wrong, why women don’t get paid as much and don’t get the promotions/management positions.
Page XXIX Introduction “Perhaps the most difficult part for me to accept was the incessant stream of advice on how to behave. Instead of encouraging us to lean into our individual strengths and celebrate the value women bring to the table, we were essentially being told to behave more like men”.
Marissa did a great job of calling out what I’d call “ the elephant in the room”- women are managers- if not in their workplaces then definitely in their homes. She doesn’t pushy foot around this fact. “I’m responsible for enough people at home. I don’t want to be responsible for people at work. I just want to do work.”
This was one of my favorite lines. “When women aren’t interested in something like science, it’s a societal disease. When men are disinterested in anything nobody freaking cares.” I wonder what would happen if we just let people be who they wanted to be, do what they want to do ( reasonable actions of course), and stop judging/analyzing everyone and everything
Another favorite line “ We blame stereotypes for the lack of women running big corporations, but we never talk about stereotypes for the lack of men running our homes”.
I found this book to be interesting and made me think about what I want to do in my life and who I want to be. It confirmed that I want to be me and be the best me.
I received this book from HarperCollins Leadership.
June 3, 2019
Thanks to HarperCollins for the ARC at BEA 2019, and to Marissa Orr for signing my copy!
I really enjoyed this book. It's a fascinating new perspective on the problems women face in the workplace, and why the "Lean in" brand of corporate feminism hasn't succeeded, and probably won't and honestly shouldn't succeed. Orr shows us how the "Lean In" brand takes patriarchal male conceptions of hierarchy and power within organizations, and instead of challenging them and throwing them away, simply asserts that women should do the things men do. She shows how these patriarchal concepts of being assertive, aggressive, and profit-oriented aren't actually shown to be effective leadership styles, and that being collaborative, cooperative, and nurturing are much more effective. Those latter traits are the traits women are socialized to have, and so women don't need to be like men, they just need to be themselves (and if anything, men need to be more like women).
The book had it's limitations. I think Orr could have benefited from some more political economic analysis, and her book only applies to cis-gendered women. I also feel like she very eloquently makes the case that corporate hierarchy is structurally flawed, but falls short on where it should go (psst worker-owned democratically-managed horizontal cooperatives). But it's still a great book overall. Highly recommend.
I really enjoyed this book. It's a fascinating new perspective on the problems women face in the workplace, and why the "Lean in" brand of corporate feminism hasn't succeeded, and probably won't and honestly shouldn't succeed. Orr shows us how the "Lean In" brand takes patriarchal male conceptions of hierarchy and power within organizations, and instead of challenging them and throwing them away, simply asserts that women should do the things men do. She shows how these patriarchal concepts of being assertive, aggressive, and profit-oriented aren't actually shown to be effective leadership styles, and that being collaborative, cooperative, and nurturing are much more effective. Those latter traits are the traits women are socialized to have, and so women don't need to be like men, they just need to be themselves (and if anything, men need to be more like women).
The book had it's limitations. I think Orr could have benefited from some more political economic analysis, and her book only applies to cis-gendered women. I also feel like she very eloquently makes the case that corporate hierarchy is structurally flawed, but falls short on where it should go (psst worker-owned democratically-managed horizontal cooperatives). But it's still a great book overall. Highly recommend.
December 25, 2021
I received a copy of Orr's new book, "Lean Out", from Harper Collins Leadership. As a woman who has never worked in a corporate job, I may not be the target audience. However, when reading, I often found myself thinking about and considering how the concepts she presents relate to and connect with my own life choices and ambitions. I found the book well-written, interesting, and compelling. With a combination of personal anecdotes, fitting illustrations, documented research, and Orr's own ideas, the book presents a fresh and timely look at how success in the corporate world is defined and how that definition influences who actually sits at the top of the corporate ladder. Orr posits that workplace systems and procedures might be the reasons for lack of workplace equality, not the employees themselves. That one-size-fits-all policies do not take into account the fact that we are all unique individuals with great diversity among us. She advises not letting others map our career path or trajectory for us - which applies to all careers, not just those in the corporate sphere. Finally, "Lean Out" echoes this mantra -be your own authentic self, even if it means you look, feel, think, or behave differently from what is expected of you or what is normalized around you. Just be unapologetically you.
March 3, 2021
This one was a difficult one for me to read.
There are several problems with it, but as someone who is really struggling to find my place in a corporate environment where I just don't seem to fit, there was a lot that I relate with, too.
What I relate with:
- Being someone who values collaboration over winning at other's expense, something that is often valued in the corporate world.
- The idea that repetitive failure and experimentation are the only way to quickly succeed, however these traits are constantly frowned upon and even punished in most corporate environments.
- I don't vibe with people who make large shows of their work at the expense of the work itself. I see it as wasteful and dishonest and not something I would ever do, but this behavior is consistently rewarded.
- I am not and, to my knowledge, have never been considered "bossy" "aggressive" or similar, however these are traits that make it to the top.
- That you are the master of your own career, and if you find yourself in a situation where you are striving for something simply because it's what you think you "should" do rather than what you actually want, to re-evaluate your priorities in your terms, and your terms alone.
Things I had a problem with:
- The gender gap is a result of women not *wanting* the same jobs as men. I agree that not every woman want's to be a CEO (I don't) but you seriously think that you can just wash away a major disparity in gender by "well maybe they just don't want to because I don't want to"?
- She used, as an example of "changing the environment influences behavior more effectively than using logic", a European country that needed more organ donors switching their paperwork default to be "check this box if you DONT want to be an organ donor" vs "check this box if you DO want to be an organ donor." While I get what she was trying to convey... Bodily consent is NOT something that should just be defaulted to "yes" EVER, and in ANY situation. It was a bad example.
- The assumption that women aren't interested in science. As a woman in science, that's just not true. A lot of women are interested in it, but maybe they aren't interested ENOUGH to pay the social penalty that comes with it, i.e. working in a corporate environment that rewards the antithesis of their natural behavior, the gender cultural penalty, etc.
- This book is very obviously for privileged women. There is a lot of mention that money is less important past a certain threshold, which I agree with, but it does nothing to touch on the path to GET to a sustainable income. That said, that's probably outside the scope of this book anyway.
- There is no valuable instruction about how to change our systems to provide more diverse rewards (which, should, according to the author, foster more diversity). I understand that this is part of the point, because we are all in control of our own careers. But that's one sentence that didn't need to take up an entire book of rambling about how evil corporate America is.
It scares me that I related so heavily with the concepts that personality traits that are not my norm are the ones that are valued on the corporate ladder. It has caused me to think more critically about what I really want from my career and how to go about getting it, which is not an easy task for someone who dislikes ambiguity. That made this book difficult to read, emotionally, because it's just SO negative, yet in some cases, so true.
There are several problems with it, but as someone who is really struggling to find my place in a corporate environment where I just don't seem to fit, there was a lot that I relate with, too.
What I relate with:
- Being someone who values collaboration over winning at other's expense, something that is often valued in the corporate world.
- The idea that repetitive failure and experimentation are the only way to quickly succeed, however these traits are constantly frowned upon and even punished in most corporate environments.
- I don't vibe with people who make large shows of their work at the expense of the work itself. I see it as wasteful and dishonest and not something I would ever do, but this behavior is consistently rewarded.
- I am not and, to my knowledge, have never been considered "bossy" "aggressive" or similar, however these are traits that make it to the top.
- That you are the master of your own career, and if you find yourself in a situation where you are striving for something simply because it's what you think you "should" do rather than what you actually want, to re-evaluate your priorities in your terms, and your terms alone.
Things I had a problem with:
- The gender gap is a result of women not *wanting* the same jobs as men. I agree that not every woman want's to be a CEO (I don't) but you seriously think that you can just wash away a major disparity in gender by "well maybe they just don't want to because I don't want to"?
- She used, as an example of "changing the environment influences behavior more effectively than using logic", a European country that needed more organ donors switching their paperwork default to be "check this box if you DONT want to be an organ donor" vs "check this box if you DO want to be an organ donor." While I get what she was trying to convey... Bodily consent is NOT something that should just be defaulted to "yes" EVER, and in ANY situation. It was a bad example.
- The assumption that women aren't interested in science. As a woman in science, that's just not true. A lot of women are interested in it, but maybe they aren't interested ENOUGH to pay the social penalty that comes with it, i.e. working in a corporate environment that rewards the antithesis of their natural behavior, the gender cultural penalty, etc.
- This book is very obviously for privileged women. There is a lot of mention that money is less important past a certain threshold, which I agree with, but it does nothing to touch on the path to GET to a sustainable income. That said, that's probably outside the scope of this book anyway.
- There is no valuable instruction about how to change our systems to provide more diverse rewards (which, should, according to the author, foster more diversity). I understand that this is part of the point, because we are all in control of our own careers. But that's one sentence that didn't need to take up an entire book of rambling about how evil corporate America is.
It scares me that I related so heavily with the concepts that personality traits that are not my norm are the ones that are valued on the corporate ladder. It has caused me to think more critically about what I really want from my career and how to go about getting it, which is not an easy task for someone who dislikes ambiguity. That made this book difficult to read, emotionally, because it's just SO negative, yet in some cases, so true.
November 30, 2019
Lean Out is all about the positive outcomes of shifting our perspective, personally and professionally. It is honest and imperfect, it's pivotal and inspiring. If you don't fit in the archaic corporate system, write your own story!
"Lean out doesn't mean quit your job or check out mentally. It means leaning out of anyone else's story of who you should be and what a successful career looks like."
Full Book Review
Quick Synopsis:
After 15 years at Google and Facebook, Marissa Orr (a single mom of three) decided to lean out from the corporate world after realizing that world was failing to meet her deepest human needs. Her book delves into the entrenched hierarchies, belief and reward systems, and the shortcomings of not modernizing our corporation systems in response to our evolving world.
My Thoughts...
Marissa Orr balances the book well between personal anecdotes to illustrate her point, as well as research and outside opinions. Orr's premise that the wage gap and gender gap problems won't ever be solved until the outdated corporate systems get redefined with the needs and strengths of men AND women in mind are so logically simple. I have felt pressured to fit into the prescribed set of (male-dominated) ideals for what a ladder-climbing employee looks like, and I never felt like that was a fit for me. Now it makes sense.
Lean Out is all about the positive outcomes of shifting our perspective, personally and professionally. Now, if only the individuals in positions of power would actually read this and desire to shift power away from themselves toward a more harmonious system...that's the ultimate conundrum! This is honest and imperfect, just like us. It's pivotal and inspiring. It's the answer (finally!) to the question of "Is it just me that doesn't fit into the workforce as it stands?" No, it's not just you. Write your own story!
"Our systems must evolve, and until they do, they're leaving a treasure of diverse talent on the table."
"Lean out doesn't mean quit your job or check out mentally. It means leaning out of anyone else's story of who you should be and what a successful career looks like."
Full Book Review
Quick Synopsis:
After 15 years at Google and Facebook, Marissa Orr (a single mom of three) decided to lean out from the corporate world after realizing that world was failing to meet her deepest human needs. Her book delves into the entrenched hierarchies, belief and reward systems, and the shortcomings of not modernizing our corporation systems in response to our evolving world.
My Thoughts...
Marissa Orr balances the book well between personal anecdotes to illustrate her point, as well as research and outside opinions. Orr's premise that the wage gap and gender gap problems won't ever be solved until the outdated corporate systems get redefined with the needs and strengths of men AND women in mind are so logically simple. I have felt pressured to fit into the prescribed set of (male-dominated) ideals for what a ladder-climbing employee looks like, and I never felt like that was a fit for me. Now it makes sense.
Lean Out is all about the positive outcomes of shifting our perspective, personally and professionally. Now, if only the individuals in positions of power would actually read this and desire to shift power away from themselves toward a more harmonious system...that's the ultimate conundrum! This is honest and imperfect, just like us. It's pivotal and inspiring. It's the answer (finally!) to the question of "Is it just me that doesn't fit into the workforce as it stands?" No, it's not just you. Write your own story!
"Our systems must evolve, and until they do, they're leaving a treasure of diverse talent on the table."
July 9, 2019
I honestly didn't think I'd love this book. I do not work in the corporate world, and I (mistakenly) assumed it would feel like a business textbook. I am so thankful I read this. I loved it! Most books of this kind focus on the changes that we can make in order to further our careers and get into positions of power. That is not the case with this book. Orr believes that the change needs to come from the workplace itself and the systems that are in place to promote people to positions of power. She backed up her ideas with a lot of research, as well as her own person stories and experiences.
Orr brings a level of humor not normally found in leadership books. She is open and honest about her experiences, not sugar-coating anything simply because she worked for two very well-known companies. I took so much from this book; I found this to be very empowering.
I would recommend this book to anyone, regardless of what they do for a living.
I received an advance reader copy from the publisher.
Orr brings a level of humor not normally found in leadership books. She is open and honest about her experiences, not sugar-coating anything simply because she worked for two very well-known companies. I took so much from this book; I found this to be very empowering.
I would recommend this book to anyone, regardless of what they do for a living.
I received an advance reader copy from the publisher.
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