The Choice

by The Arbinger Institute

This handbook, and the class that is built around it, explains for a general audience the solution to an age-old problem in the human sciences. This solution calls into question many widely accepted beliefs about human behavior and relationships.

Genres: Leadership, Self Help, Personal Growth, Education, Psychology, Inspirational, Nonfiction

121 pages, Spiral bound paper back

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Andrah Hansen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good message that could have been one chapter. Felt like it was trying to be deeper than it needed to be.

[Richard Parent · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're a fan of The Arbinger Institute, you probably don't need this book. It's a poetic, elliptical re-telling of the core message from Leadership and Self-Deception. If, however, you want a shorter introduction to that book's ideas, or are allergic to allegory, this version may be your cup of tea. (And, by the way, reading this book with a nice cup of tea is probably the ideal way to engage with it.) As in all of the Arbinger books, there is a lot to think about here, and many powerful invitations to self-reflection and growth.

[Jodi Escalante · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Choice seminars have deeply affected my life. But it has been years since I've attended a workshop, so I wanted to pick up the book for a refresher. I definitely took more away from the workshop than just reading the book. So find someone/a group to read this with. Then you can really ponder and identify with the principles at a deeper level. Easy read. I just read it sporadically so I could ponder the principles.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This rocked me to my core. It was on the last few pages that I think I stumbled upon my greatest shame and self deception. This is a very stripped down version of the concepts taught in anatomy of peace and leadership and self-deception. It's more outline format that leaves all kinds of room for reflection. It's a classic example of why I have to buy certain books so I can write all the way through them. So freaking important.

[Deanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was hard to consume.

It’s written in bullet points and small quotes, which is great for discussion after, but hard to input the information initially.

I took a lot from it because I had previously taken a course from the same institute. I was able to relate what the book said to the expanded knowledge the course provided.

If I hadn’t taken the course I don’t think I would have garnered anything from this book.

[Ali S. Arab · Rating 5 out of 5]

Its not only book, its a Journey!

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to submit a summary of this book first and then I will come back in and submit my response:


The Choice, by the Arbinger Institute is a refreshing new approach to self-betterment. It puts the responsibility back onto the right person, ourselves. The authors attribute our responsiveness to others or our desire to serve others as the deepest sense of what is right. When we feel to assist another and follow through we are showing responsiveness. When we resist the feeling to help others, we betray ourselves and become resistant.

The book is founded upon our view of how we see people. When we are responsive, we see others as people and when we are resistant we see them as objects. Seeing others as people we are seeing them truly and thus we are true to ourselves. Perceiving others as objects we are resistant to their reality and see them falsely, consequently we are false.

Seeing others falsely, we resist them, thus we do wrong, then we seek to be justified, then we begin to see “a world that makes the wrong seem right.” The consequences are numerous when we are resistant. We find fault and place blame on others; self-betrayal magnifies others’ problems; seeing falsely we walk in darkness; and finally we become consumed with self.

The authors touch on some widely accepted behavioral views such as Psychodynamic Tradition, behaviorism, humanism, and cognitive theory teaching that they all have one thing in common: helping people to cope in a resistant, self-betrayal state. Their response to these popular views is that we must change to be responsive and that the only way to change from resistant to responsive is to forget ourselves in the service to others.

[Christy Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The choice is a very consise short book, maybe even a phamphlet. It is spiral bound and can only be purchased through Arbinger. It was published in 1998, coming before all the other great books from Arbinger like Bonds That Make Us Free (2001), Leadership and Self-Deception and the Anatomy of Peace.

The Choice is without the stories found in the other 3 books and a great intro and/or review of the principles taught by Arbinger. These books are an instruction manual for life and a must read for everyone trying to "get it". Reading only The Choice isn't enough, one needs to study further to see the priciples applied and expounded upon. When one "gets it", it's a huge "ah ha!" moment... "oh, you mean live that gospel, why didn't you say so!"

Also great books by a related author are The Peacegiver and The Holy Secret.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great companion book to the Anatomy of Peace, also put forth by the Arbinger Institute. I really love how clearly they allow the reader to see faults in him/herself (the real ones, not the martyring kind) and gives hope and direction for a lasting and fulfilling change. This work summarized the principles of their program - it reads very quickly - it's several thoughts on a page - not a real story or even a self help book. It reads more like a compilation of thoughts.

[Semi-Academic Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Choice we make in how we relate with others affects all other aspects of communication. This booklet goes along with a two-day training that my wife and I enjoyed immensely. We had first read widely published books by The Arbinger Institute. However, this one gets into working through our thoughts and insights in our own way of seeing others and how we are being with others.

[Semi-Academic Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

This booklet, short and sweet, conveys so many insights that I find it to be one of my richer resources.
It shares how we can relate with students as fellow learners, drawing from our own river of learning. More than this, I'd like to say, and I feel at this time I can not do it any more justice yet.

[Shaik · Rating 5 out of 5]

If there is one thing that I remember from this book, it is "I am not the teacher, I am here to learn".

[Anthony Meals · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful book, with deep implications and practices for learning. Highly recommend it for those interested in the purity of learning and connecting with our inner teachers.

[Kaylee]

Amazing book, very deep, very self finding book. I recommend it to everyone

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book goes along with The Anatomy of Peace so well. It summarizes everything to refresh your memory