This Difficult Thing of Being Human: The Art of Self-Compassion

by Bodhipaksa

Neuroscience meets Buddhist wisdom in this “wise guide” offering 5 key skills for developing mindful self-compassion—and becoming your own best advocate (Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance).   We all long for someone to offer us unconditional love and support. But what if that person is us? The practice of mindful self-compassion creates the space we need so that observation, acceptance, and real love can enter—no matter how judgmental or disconnected we may feel. It sounds like a simple to be kind to yourself. But if you pay attention to your thoughts, habits, and self-talk, you may find that it’s more difficult than it sounds. The intentional practice of self-compassion, outlined here by Buddhist scholar and teacher, Bodhipaksa, can help you find greater overall wellbeing, emotional resilience, physical health, and willpower. Bodhipaksa provides both the why and the how of mindful self-compassion, drawing on contemporary psychology and neuroscience and also on Buddhist psychology, weaving the modern and ancient together into a coherent whole. Contemporary psychologists are focusing less on self-esteem and more on self-compassion. Bodhipaksa, a practicing meditator of more than 30 years, effortlessly blends ancient techniques dating back to the time of the Buddha with the most recent understanding of psychology and neuroscience. And in the end, as Bodhipaksa writes, it is actually quite “Life is short. Be kind.”

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Buddhism, Mental Health, Spirituality, Philosophy

233 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 26, 2019

About the author

I’m a Buddhist teacher and author living in New Hampshire, but originally from Scotland.

I got the Sanskrit name (which means “Wings of Enlightenment,” incidentally) when I joined the Western Buddhist Order in 1993, after 11 years of Buddhist practice. I practice at Aryaloka Buddhist Center, which is just down the road.

I run Wildmind, which has a mission to spread compassion and mindfulness through the practice of Buddhist meditation. We offer an extensive self-paced guide to a variety of meditation techniques and well as a regular stream of articles in our blog. We also publish guided meditation CDs. Wildmind’s where I do the bulk of my writing.

I teach meditation and Buddhism in prison. That’s an incredibly satisfying thing to do.

I like kayaking and photography. I love reading and movies. Sometimes I hike, but I’ve been getting lazier as I’ve been getting older.

In 2006 my wife and I adopted a baby girl from Ethiopia, and that’s been more satisfying than I could have imagined. And then in 2009 we did it again and adopted a baby boy, also from Ethiopia.

[info from Bodhpaksa's about page]

Reviews

[Debi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspirational instructions to build self-compassion and insight into how we think. It was nice to see a text like this as not only guidance for meditation but also as something well researched and clearly cited.

[Virginia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most comprehensive and cohesive book I’ve read on mindfulness, compassion, and just how to be a less-struggling human. Highly recommend.

[Nell · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I had some positive takeaways from this book, I had many issues with the way it approached anxiety and depression, as if it could be wished away with a new form of thinking. There were also parts of the book that didn’t resonate with me, so I found myself bored at times. The writing was rather repetitive but fine overall. I did however find too many syntax errors, given that ideally there should be none.

I know a lot of people gave high reviews, but I am disappointingly underwhelmed. I will continue practicing the bits of mindfulness I learned, and I guess from that alone this book deserves more than a 2. I simply didn’t read anything revolutionary to warrant more than this.

[Choltanutkun · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the must-read books that everyone needs to read once in their lifetime. It talks about being aware of our inner voice that we speak to ourselves with, mindfulness, being kind and compassionate to ourselves and others, slowing down and wise self-care. Definitely, highly recommended.

[Kali · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good content but very repetitive.

[S.q. Ng · Rating 5 out of 5]

"It's alright to feel pain. It's okay to feel discomfort. Let me feel this."

Starting 2023, the year of my career break off with a slew of comforting non-fiction, self development books. This was a book I've seen on multiple book lists of self love and I'm really glad I did.

I've enjoyed how Bodhipaksa, throughout the book, emphasized on actionable steps and tools that can be wielded in the face of ordinary sufferings. Supported by empirical studies, Buddhist teachings and quotes from visionaries, he kept his personal anecdotes succinct, always to illustrate how his recommended steps look like specific situations.

I've found his examples of inner dialogues and mantras to be particularly helpful as years of listening to our inner critics had made it difficult speak kindly to ourselves. I appreciate him a diversity of words that can be easily remembered when changing reactions and habits.

Highly recommended for those who are struggling with being kind to yourself and are looking for less theoretical, more actionable knowledge to change cyclical thought patterns.

[Joel Cuthbert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having recently begun exploring more Buddhist-inspired notions around Self-Compassion (and trying to disentangle some of the unfortunate strains of self-hatred that were inter-woven with my Christian upbringing) I was drawn to this little volume. Having also wanted to write a similarly titled book I felt a bit compelled to read it! Overall I found it pretty enlightening, if at times a bit more simplistic than I would have liked. But when it struck a chord it was a mighty one. There are certainly some ideas around the power of (and resistance to) self-compassion that have really helped put language on the practice. And anyone with a single toe dipped into practices of meditation or mindfulness will find much additional insight.

A helpful little volume on the journey to a more holistic approach to the self.

[Julie Bouchonville · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bit repetitive but a cool intro book with a nice, easy to access vibe, interesting exercices, lots of useful material to think about. I liked that it covered its subject from various angles while not going for filler chapter upon filler chapter.

[Evelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Literally cannot recommend it more highly. Best "self-help" book there is out there.

[hollydays · Rating 5 out of 5]

wonderfully written with compassionate wisdom. as life-changing for me as "the power of now" when it comes to spirituality and mindfulness. Highly recommend for a light but powerful read :)

[Reagan Lyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Early on in this book, I described it as the gentlest read I've had in a while and I stand by it to the end. Such tenderness and humanness in this book. Such a gift for myself and my work!!

[Luther Manuel · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 out of 5. Wish there were half stars. This simple book is a great resource I'll recommend to clients.

[Gunner Metzer · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Good book, not much else to add beyond that.

[Simone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled across this book at the library at the right time in my life. It resonated deeply and gave me a lot to think about and reconsider in my daily existence.