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Undressing
When therapist-in-training James O’Neill starts his placement at a therapy centre in west London, his first referral is Abraham, a silent and frightened young man in a tightly-zipped, hooded anorak.
For the majority of their initial sessions, Abraham hardly speaks. But O’Neill gradually gains his trust and learns of the abuse and violence Abraham was subjected to as a child that caused him to hide away from the world - barely sleeping, too afraid to get undressed even in the shower.
Over the many years they meet, Abraham’s unfolding story and bravery inspire O’Neill to confront his own complicated past. Together they achieve something radical, as Abraham creates his own kind of therapy and teaches O’Neill to do the same.
For the majority of their initial sessions, Abraham hardly speaks. But O’Neill gradually gains his trust and learns of the abuse and violence Abraham was subjected to as a child that caused him to hide away from the world - barely sleeping, too afraid to get undressed even in the shower.
Over the many years they meet, Abraham’s unfolding story and bravery inspire O’Neill to confront his own complicated past. Together they achieve something radical, as Abraham creates his own kind of therapy and teaches O’Neill to do the same.
- GenresNonfictionMental Health
160 pages, Hardcover
Published May 2, 2019
7 people are currently reading
69 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
May 16, 2020
3.5 stars.
May 30, 2020
This is a distinguished piece of writing, in a genre that touches novella and memoir. The book tells two intertwined stories. James (counsellor) and Abraham (client). And from that simple plot a complex, emotional narrative unfolds. Many abuse narratives have an awkwardness too them-- whose story is being privileged? In Undressing, two stories are balanced, for every move that Abraham makes, so does James. The result is a unique piece of writing that transmutes talking therapy into literature. Or maybe it is the other way around? There is a deep layer to the writing: psychology and the writings of Iris Murdoch. When the abusers speak in Abraham's narrative, they speak as manipulators, as Julius King does in A fairly Honourable Defeat. The story begins with Abraham, a human being with many issues (like his name). He arrives hermetically sealed inside an anorak. His journey will be a quest towards removing that armour and facing the naked truth about himself. The triumph of this book is that it is moral without moralising and stands outside all traditional reference points-- which is where real psychic life begins. Undressing is a quiet, yet revolutionary book which dares to suggest that protocols are themselves like anoraks and human love exists outside such strictures. At times, I was reminded of Buber's two worlds: the I-It and the I-Thou. The first offers surface experiences and the second reveals deep experiences. The I-It is a fragmentary world, yet most see it as coherence. The I-Thou is a world of wholes were two people speak to one other with the wholeness of their being. The I-Thou comes and goes, leaves and returns, which is exactly what happens as James and Abraham step beyond limits into revelation, respect and human love for one another. As Buber stated: love in the I-Thou world is not bound by gender. Both lovers elect and both lovers are elected. Undressing stands alongside H.D.'s Tribute to Freud as an example of a kind of narrative in which reality and metaphor are one and the same. A beautiful, tender, lucid book!
June 30, 2024
Tender, distressing, but beautiful account of a twelve year therapy relationship between a counsellor and his client.
September 16, 2024
A brilliant, brilliant novel.
January 17, 2021
TW: sexual abuse, self-abuse, suicide, depression
just...WOW. im just so glad that i picked up this book or i would have missed reading about abraham's amazing journey with his therapist, james - which is also the author of this book; abraham wanted james to write his story in hopes that it will help alot of people like him.
in this book, abraham slowly opens up that he is ashamed of his body, having been sexually abused since he was four years old. not only that it focuses on abraham's story, james also shares bits of his story as well. his own story interwoven with the story of abraham is just so revealing and hopeful.
"as i write this, it occurs to me that the effect of being close to this man was possibly my first conscious experience of what abraham and i would come to call "undressing"; that is of being stripped of negative judgements, self-criticism, shame and fear of oneself and others and most importantly experiencing just being".
i have never read something as deep as this especially when it comes to abraham's healing. it was also later shared in the afterword that after around 45 years later, abraham met his abuser.
this book makes me think a lot about trust and patience too and how important it is to develop the willingness to change in order to strive towards a more meaningful life. and i will continue to think about the relationship between abraham and james; its really so precious. really beautifully written as well, highly recommend if you are in for a short read as well.
just...WOW. im just so glad that i picked up this book or i would have missed reading about abraham's amazing journey with his therapist, james - which is also the author of this book; abraham wanted james to write his story in hopes that it will help alot of people like him.
in this book, abraham slowly opens up that he is ashamed of his body, having been sexually abused since he was four years old. not only that it focuses on abraham's story, james also shares bits of his story as well. his own story interwoven with the story of abraham is just so revealing and hopeful.
"as i write this, it occurs to me that the effect of being close to this man was possibly my first conscious experience of what abraham and i would come to call "undressing"; that is of being stripped of negative judgements, self-criticism, shame and fear of oneself and others and most importantly experiencing just being".
i have never read something as deep as this especially when it comes to abraham's healing. it was also later shared in the afterword that after around 45 years later, abraham met his abuser.
this book makes me think a lot about trust and patience too and how important it is to develop the willingness to change in order to strive towards a more meaningful life. and i will continue to think about the relationship between abraham and james; its really so precious. really beautifully written as well, highly recommend if you are in for a short read as well.
July 16, 2021
Sometimes it’s the random book you pick up in the library that no one has ever heard of, that ends up being heart, mind, and life changing.
At the end of it, I can’t help but be grateful that this 12-year journey between a therapist and his client was published. The vulnerability, the ups and downs, the willingness of James to give of himself to the therapeutic relationship, the exploration of the severe and damning effects of trauma from child sexual abuse on Abraham, the right way to listen and hold space...so many lessons to behold.
“Don’t you understand? I’m mentally ill, I can’t make rational decisions! I can’t know what’s right.”
“I know you’re frightened and uncertain, but those aren’t symptoms of illness, they’re just normal reactions given what you have been through.”
Recovery after extended suffering can take a loooooong time. There is no ‘cure’, and it is often non-linear (in the most frustrating and disappointing ways), but change is possible. What has been ripped away and stolen by abusers can be built back upon. In doing that, they lose all power.
At the end of it, I can’t help but be grateful that this 12-year journey between a therapist and his client was published. The vulnerability, the ups and downs, the willingness of James to give of himself to the therapeutic relationship, the exploration of the severe and damning effects of trauma from child sexual abuse on Abraham, the right way to listen and hold space...so many lessons to behold.
“Don’t you understand? I’m mentally ill, I can’t make rational decisions! I can’t know what’s right.”
“I know you’re frightened and uncertain, but those aren’t symptoms of illness, they’re just normal reactions given what you have been through.”
Recovery after extended suffering can take a loooooong time. There is no ‘cure’, and it is often non-linear (in the most frustrating and disappointing ways), but change is possible. What has been ripped away and stolen by abusers can be built back upon. In doing that, they lose all power.
January 10, 2020
This book tells a tale of what therapy is at its core, to quote the author, "of being stripped of negative judgments, self-criticisms, shame and fear of oneself and others, and most importantly, experiencing just being." A book which frees you and the words of the author are truly healing.
May 9, 2020
One of the most rewarding books I’ve had the pleasure of reading. I got so much from James’ story of Abraham & learnt so much about a patient road to finding forgiveness and ones self. So thankful that Abraham wanted his story to be told.
July 16, 2021
such a unique story about a decade long therapy journey that proves really change is possible. I feel like I partook in the therapy with them!
January 12, 2023
Sat down and read this beautiful book in one day. It is absolutely gorgeous. A book of hope and redemption after trauma - through human connection and the power of good therapy. Stunning.
June 9, 2019
Undressing by James O'Neill
A wonderfully heartwarming story of 2 very different men and their journey to a better understanding of each other as well as their own lives.
Informative, insightful and entertaining.
A must read for everyone!
A wonderfully heartwarming story of 2 very different men and their journey to a better understanding of each other as well as their own lives.
Informative, insightful and entertaining.
A must read for everyone!
June 8, 2019
A great quick enjoyable read, keeps you engaged and curious throughout.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews