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عشق کافی نیست
شاید بارهای از بزرگترها یا افرادی که تجربهی بیشتری دارند و به اصطلاح چند پیراهن بیشتر از ما پاره کردهاند، شنیده باشید که عشق کافی نیست. اگر رومانتیک و احساسی باشید، حتما از شنیدن چنین جملهای ناراحت میشوید. اما واقعیت این است که برای داشتن یک زندگی بهتر و یک رابطهی موفق و عالی، عشق کافی نیست. بلکه لازم است مهارتهای مختلفی را در خودمان پرورش بدهیم و چیزهای جدیدی یاد بگیریم. مارک منسن در کتاب عشق کافی نیست، مقالات زیادی پیرامون داشتن یک زندگی بهتر نوشته است. موضوعاتی همچون خودشناسی، خودآگاهی، پیشرفت در کار و زندگی، شادکامی، سنجیدن زندگی خود با معیارهای درست، مهارتهای مهم زندگی و.... را میتوانید در این مقالات بخوانید.
جملاتی از کتاب عشق کافی نیست:
بهعنوان قاعدهای کلی، همهٔ ما شدیداً بهسمت پاداشهای کوتاهمدت و ارزش عاطفی گرایش داریم. نسبتبه باورهای قبلی و حفظ اعتبارمان هم تعصب داریم. نمیتوانیم پاداشهای بلندمدت را ببینیم؛ چراکه نادیدهانگاشتن ترسها و نگرانیهای آنیمان دشوار است. احساساتْ ما را از دیدن حقایق محروم میکنند.
تصمیمگیریِ «پیشفرض» مان نیز باعث میشود ازنظر احساسی، برایمان بسیار سخت باشد که چیزی را که مدتی طولانی رویش کار کردهایم رها کنیم یا فکر کنیم ممکن است اینهمه سال در اشتباه بوده باشیم.
حقیقت این است که همهٔ ما سالها در اشتباه بودهایم. همهٔ ما برآوردی غلط از ارزشهایمان داشتهایم و تا زمانی که نپذیریم چقدر در گذشته اشتباه میکردهایم، یاد نمیگیریم برای حرکت بهسمت آینده، دربارهٔ ارزشهایمان بهتر قضاوت کنیم.
جملاتی از کتاب عشق کافی نیست:
بهعنوان قاعدهای کلی، همهٔ ما شدیداً بهسمت پاداشهای کوتاهمدت و ارزش عاطفی گرایش داریم. نسبتبه باورهای قبلی و حفظ اعتبارمان هم تعصب داریم. نمیتوانیم پاداشهای بلندمدت را ببینیم؛ چراکه نادیدهانگاشتن ترسها و نگرانیهای آنیمان دشوار است. احساساتْ ما را از دیدن حقایق محروم میکنند.
تصمیمگیریِ «پیشفرض» مان نیز باعث میشود ازنظر احساسی، برایمان بسیار سخت باشد که چیزی را که مدتی طولانی رویش کار کردهایم رها کنیم یا فکر کنیم ممکن است اینهمه سال در اشتباه بوده باشیم.
حقیقت این است که همهٔ ما سالها در اشتباه بودهایم. همهٔ ما برآوردی غلط از ارزشهایمان داشتهایم و تا زمانی که نپذیریم چقدر در گذشته اشتباه میکردهایم، یاد نمیگیریم برای حرکت بهسمت آینده، دربارهٔ ارزشهایمان بهتر قضاوت کنیم.
224 pages, Paperback
First published April 10, 2018
128 people are currently reading
3450 people want to read
About the author
Mark Manson
85 books18.7k followersMark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries.
He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net
He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 282 reviews
May 2, 2020
Such a meeeeh “book”. I would have dropped it but there was just so much time in this quarantine I listened to it till the end. Imagine a radio show where a host is not a psychologist but gives people relationship advice. Don’t buy it, don’t listen to it just don’t waste time.
July 3, 2020
This book would have made a perfect podcast. I am a big sucker for podcasts and for Mark Manson's sense of humor. So, this interview like audiobook was a definite treat. Yet, I am not able to consider this as a book. I am clearly on a fence, lol.
The stories were of different kinds and I really liked the fact that they were not scripted or painted too beautifully. The conversations were raw and real. This is really a good listen for people who are in confused relationships.
The stories were of different kinds and I really liked the fact that they were not scripted or painted too beautifully. The conversations were raw and real. This is really a good listen for people who are in confused relationships.
January 10, 2021
Love is Not Enough is an Audible Original audiobook about navigating romantic relationships, which was the free featured Book of the Month recently. It’s about 7 & 1/2 hours long and I listened to it while gardening and on the treadmill. It’s not something I would’ve bought, I’m not much into self-help books, but I was curious as the author/narrator/interviewer also wrote The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** which I haven’t read but has been a major bestseller. I found it surprisingly easy to listen to - Manson has a down to earth humorous conversation style, seems genuinely interested in his subjects’ problems, and some interesting insights. Manson makes it clear he’s not a therapist and has no training in psychology but he has researched the various topics covered and has an engaging common-sense approach to his interviewees. It also made me profoundly grateful once more not to be American or single.
Based around a series of interviews with five volunteers who are all suffering from different relationship issues: a single man who’s hooked on dating apps, another who’s terrified of commitment because of a terrible marriage, a woman who only seems to attract commitment-phobes, one who’s in love with a married man, and a lesbian who’s obsession with an unavailable woman is stopping her from truly engaging with her partner. Over about six months, Manson explores their situations, relationship histories, upbringing, hopes and fears, setting them “homework” and challenging their excuses and defences to show each one how their behaviour patterns are sabotaging their happiness.
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 19 years, married for nearly 15, and while we’re not perfect, we fortunately don’t have any of the issues raised here. We got together before the Internet basically took over modern dating - prior to that I’d been single for most of my adult life, apart from a couple of intense but immature relationships at university. Listening to this was therefore not as challenging or painful as it might be for people struggling with the personality conflicts discussed here. The one that did resonate, make me think, and make me sad, was about how narcissists end up with co-dependents, which described my parents to a T.
Vanessa, a successful professional woman, put up with being controlled and manipulated by her married lover for a couple of years, convinced he was the one for her, but happily (spoiler alert) Manson is able to persuade her to disentangle herself. I recognised my younger self in Mimi, who keeps dating emotionally unavailable men as a result of growing up with an emotionally unavailable father. I’d love to send this book back to 1990!!
Overall this was an interesting listen and I feel I’ve learned some new ways to think about certain aspects of both my and other people’s relationships. I’m even contemplating getting TSAONGAF with my next Audible credit!
Based around a series of interviews with five volunteers who are all suffering from different relationship issues: a single man who’s hooked on dating apps, another who’s terrified of commitment because of a terrible marriage, a woman who only seems to attract commitment-phobes, one who’s in love with a married man, and a lesbian who’s obsession with an unavailable woman is stopping her from truly engaging with her partner. Over about six months, Manson explores their situations, relationship histories, upbringing, hopes and fears, setting them “homework” and challenging their excuses and defences to show each one how their behaviour patterns are sabotaging their happiness.
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 19 years, married for nearly 15, and while we’re not perfect, we fortunately don’t have any of the issues raised here. We got together before the Internet basically took over modern dating - prior to that I’d been single for most of my adult life, apart from a couple of intense but immature relationships at university. Listening to this was therefore not as challenging or painful as it might be for people struggling with the personality conflicts discussed here. The one that did resonate, make me think, and make me sad, was about how narcissists end up with co-dependents, which described my parents to a T.
Vanessa, a successful professional woman, put up with being controlled and manipulated by her married lover for a couple of years, convinced he was the one for her, but happily (spoiler alert) Manson is able to persuade her to disentangle herself. I recognised my younger self in Mimi, who keeps dating emotionally unavailable men as a result of growing up with an emotionally unavailable father. I’d love to send this book back to 1990!!
Overall this was an interesting listen and I feel I’ve learned some new ways to think about certain aspects of both my and other people’s relationships. I’m even contemplating getting TSAONGAF with my next Audible credit!
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December 10, 2020«آزادی یعنی توانایی پذیرش هرچیزی که ممکن است اتفاق بیفتد، و اعتماد به نفستان برای رسیدگی درست به آن»
خب خب، بالاخره تموم شد.
کتابی هست که میشه در طول سال لفتش داد و هروقت احساس نیاز کردی بری سراغش، بدون هیچ عجلهای. هروقت که نیاز داشتی یکی چیزایی که دائم فراموششون میکنی رو بهت بگه.
هرازگاهی یکی از مقالهها رو بخونی و لدت ببری.
این طریقه درست مصرف این کتاب هست :))
خب خب، بالاخره تموم شد.
کتابی هست که میشه در طول سال لفتش داد و هروقت احساس نیاز کردی بری سراغش، بدون هیچ عجلهای. هروقت که نیاز داشتی یکی چیزایی که دائم فراموششون میکنی رو بهت بگه.
هرازگاهی یکی از مقالهها رو بخونی و لدت ببری.
این طریقه درست مصرف این کتاب هست :))
October 8, 2021
فعلا تا این حد بنویسم که میرم سراغ
خوندن مارک منسن، که واقعا برام شفا بخش بود این کتاب .
گرچه باید دوره ای خوند و نمنم وارد متن زندگی کرد
خوندن مارک منسن، که واقعا برام شفا بخش بود این کتاب .
گرچه باید دوره ای خوند و نمنم وارد متن زندگی کرد
August 16, 2020
Unlike the subtle art of not giving a Fu*k this book is a complete no-no in my opinion. The major problem with this book is that it consists mostly of psychological / relationship advice from someone who is not a psychologist or a relationship counsellor, who goes on discussing case studies in a podcast style trying to expand on issues by coining his own terms/ making up conundrums, paradoxes etc. Though the author tries to put forward his thoughts on sexism, stereotypes etc However,
at these points it also feels somewhat like a “woke” teenager’s take on relationships...It is just a Meh book (audio book) okay if you like something to play as background noise while you wash dishes...though there are still better options available!
at these points it also feels somewhat like a “woke” teenager’s take on relationships...It is just a Meh book (audio book) okay if you like something to play as background noise while you wash dishes...though there are still better options available!
August 26, 2021
مارک منسن همیشه یه طوری با آدم حرف میزنه انگار ۲۰ ساله میشناسینش. خوندن کتاب هاش همچین حسی داره. دقیقا اون حرفی که میخواد و بدون حاشیه و مثال های الکی میگه.
این کتاب برخلاف اسمش فقط در مورد عشق نیست، و مجموعه مقالات خیلی کوتاه و جالبی در مورد روابط انسانی،عاطفی،کار و اجتماعی هست. اما از ویژگی های دیگه منسن انتخاب عنوان های خاص برای کتاباش هست.که بی تاثیر هم نیست در جذب مخاطب
.
خیلی توصیه میکنم بخونید این کتاب رو.
ترجمه کتاب واقعا عالی و روان بود.یکی از بهترین ترجمه هایی بود که خونده بودم.
این کتاب برخلاف اسمش فقط در مورد عشق نیست، و مجموعه مقالات خیلی کوتاه و جالبی در مورد روابط انسانی،عاطفی،کار و اجتماعی هست. اما از ویژگی های دیگه منسن انتخاب عنوان های خاص برای کتاباش هست.که بی تاثیر هم نیست در جذب مخاطب
.
خیلی توصیه میکنم بخونید این کتاب رو.
ترجمه کتاب واقعا عالی و روان بود.یکی از بهترین ترجمه هایی بود که خونده بودم.
September 24, 2022
الان حتما میخواید بگید که از اسمش معلومه قراره با چی روبه رو بشیم و یه سری کلیشه همیشگی بخوره تو صورتمون ولی اصلا اینجور نیست و باید بگم بر خلاف چیزی که فک میکنید قراره که با خوندن این کتاب اول از همه به سراغ خودتون برید و ایراد کار رو از خودتون بگیرید و بعد به این میرسید که چیزای خیلی مهم تری هم توی دنیا وجود داره که با انجام دادن و دونستنشون به یه نقطه ای میرسیم که به نظرم اونقدری اعتماد به نفسمون بالا میره که توپم تکونمون نمیده.
September 4, 2020
***4.5 stars*** So I've never actually read a book by Mark Manson before but I've seen his various Youtube videos, and I really enjoy his refreshing perspective on life. And yes, I am perfectly aware I DO need to read "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck", because I tend to give a f*ck about everything. That being said, I was intrigued by this project he did with Audible. Before he wrote books, he gave relationship advice on a blog that did quite well. He's not a trained therapist or psychiatrist, but like Cheryl Strayed (writing as Dear Sugar), he talks good sense.
In this audio, he explains that he put out a call for people with relationship angst, and narrowed the field down to five folks willing to bare all about their particular issue. The result is a podcast-like production that sounds an awful like a series of therapy sessions. Mimi attracts losers, and has not had a romantic relationship for over six years. Vanessa is in love with a controlling married man, and desperately wants to end things but can't. Mike is addicted to dating apps, and makes ridiculous grand gestures with a couple of toxic relationships that keep lingering. Jerry has been married twice, lost half his shit twice, and is in a current relationship that seems too good to be true and scares him to death. Diana tends to obsess over near strangers, spending most of her time in a fantasy world of what could be. All of these people (maybe with the exception of Diana) seem smart, engaging and self-aware. But Mark very astutely asks probing questions, trying to understand what is really going on. He addresses vulnerability, boundaries, communication, narcissism and codependence. Again, he's not a trained professional but the guy truly gets it, and as a result is able to help these people.
I don't consider myself to have relationship issues, and that is not why I listened to this audio. But I am truly fascinated with psychology, and understanding why people allow themselves to get into such shitty situations. I also think that problems that reside in romantic relationships also appear in friendships. So this audio gave me a lot of food for thought. Mark is an easy-going guy (who says f*ck a lot, which appeals to my sailor vocabulary) and I found the entire audio to be highly entertaining and a very easy listen.
In this audio, he explains that he put out a call for people with relationship angst, and narrowed the field down to five folks willing to bare all about their particular issue. The result is a podcast-like production that sounds an awful like a series of therapy sessions. Mimi attracts losers, and has not had a romantic relationship for over six years. Vanessa is in love with a controlling married man, and desperately wants to end things but can't. Mike is addicted to dating apps, and makes ridiculous grand gestures with a couple of toxic relationships that keep lingering. Jerry has been married twice, lost half his shit twice, and is in a current relationship that seems too good to be true and scares him to death. Diana tends to obsess over near strangers, spending most of her time in a fantasy world of what could be. All of these people (maybe with the exception of Diana) seem smart, engaging and self-aware. But Mark very astutely asks probing questions, trying to understand what is really going on. He addresses vulnerability, boundaries, communication, narcissism and codependence. Again, he's not a trained professional but the guy truly gets it, and as a result is able to help these people.
I don't consider myself to have relationship issues, and that is not why I listened to this audio. But I am truly fascinated with psychology, and understanding why people allow themselves to get into such shitty situations. I also think that problems that reside in romantic relationships also appear in friendships. So this audio gave me a lot of food for thought. Mark is an easy-going guy (who says f*ck a lot, which appeals to my sailor vocabulary) and I found the entire audio to be highly entertaining and a very easy listen.
June 12, 2020
I love Mark. I absolutely adore him. I have read Everything is f*cked twice over. But this book was not worth the dollars I paid audible. Its a love podcast where Mark speak to chose individuals from diverse age groups and backgrounds with different romantic problems and tries to give insights into modern relationships. My biggest peeve with this one was how the author makes sweeping generalizations based on a handful of experiences. I didn't learn anything new. It was repetitive in parts. Just disappointing overall.
April 18, 2020
Another interesting project from Manson, however, this one was an uncomfortable listen. He shares a series of interviews with anonymous participants about their lives and messy situations with love in order to make sweeping conclusions about life and relationships.
August 19, 2020
کتاب، شامل مقالات متعدد روانشناسی از مارک منسن هست. مشکل اساسی اینه که مارک منسن یک نویسنده ست نه یک روانشناس و ایده ها و نظریاتی که داره رو نمیشه چشم بسته قبول کرد، بلکه باید مزه مزه کرد. اکثر مقالات کوتاه هستند ولی بعضی از اونها برای من خسته و کسل کننده بود. یکی از جملات کتاب که برام جالب بود اینه:
اگر زندگی چرخ همستر باشد، پس هدف رسیدن به جایی نیست. بلکه پیدا کردن راهی برای لذت بردن از دویدن است.
اگر زندگی چرخ همستر باشد، پس هدف رسیدن به جایی نیست. بلکه پیدا کردن راهی برای لذت بردن از دویدن است.
September 22, 2020
این کتاب یه سری باورهای کلیشه ای عام رو نقد کرده بود مثل: عشق همه چیزه، اگه نیمه گمشده زندگیتو پیدا کنی خوشحال میشی، عشق هدف نهایی و غایی ماست و...
و در ادامه اومده بود راهکارها و تئوری هایی برای داشتن یه شخصیت سالم تر یا حتی محدودتر ارائه داده بود و چندتا چرایی برای داشتن ضعف های شخصیتی... از اونجا که من قبلا کتابهایی تو این زمینه مطالعه کرده بودم مطلب چندان جدید و جذابی برام نداشت و پیشنهادم اینه که اگه زبانتون خوبه پادکستشو پیدا کنید و گوش بدید فکر کنم اونجوری جذابتر باشه :)
و در ادامه اومده بود راهکارها و تئوری هایی برای داشتن یه شخصیت سالم تر یا حتی محدودتر ارائه داده بود و چندتا چرایی برای داشتن ضعف های شخصیتی... از اونجا که من قبلا کتابهایی تو این زمینه مطالعه کرده بودم مطلب چندان جدید و جذابی برام نداشت و پیشنهادم اینه که اگه زبانتون خوبه پادکستشو پیدا کنید و گوش بدید فکر کنم اونجوری جذابتر باشه :)
August 21, 2021
انتظار این مدل کتاب را نداشتم. مجموعه مقالاتی که هیچ ارتباط خطی ای با هم ندارند و هر کدام را می توان جداگانه خواند. در کل خلاصه خوبی از تمام کتاب هایی با مضمون «برای زندگی بهتر» به حساب می آید که انگار در یک جلسه تراپی برای شما گفته می شوند. ( شغل اصلی نویسنده هم همین است ) نگاه نویسنده به واقعیت نزدیک تر است و خواندن این کتاب خالی از لطف نیست
June 8, 2024
مقاله ای مربوط به تفسیر شادی،تجمل ومعنای زندگی خیلی قابل بحث و تامل بود
با این که یک سری مطالب بین دو کتاب اوضاع خیلی خراب است و عشق کافی نیست عینا تکرار شده ولی دوبار خوندش هم خالی از لطف نیست
انسجام مطالب هر فصل و تفکیک فصل ها از هم تو این کتاب خیلی بهتر بود
با این که یک سری مطالب بین دو کتاب اوضاع خیلی خراب است و عشق کافی نیست عینا تکرار شده ولی دوبار خوندش هم خالی از لطف نیست
انسجام مطالب هر فصل و تفکیک فصل ها از هم تو این کتاب خیلی بهتر بود
September 3, 2024
همش به نوازندهای فکر میکنم که یکباره از گروه موسیقیش اخراج شد و با خودش عهد بست گروهی رو بسازه که بترکونه و واقعا هم ترکوند؛ امّا اون بندی که ازش اخراج شد متالیکا بود!
*در زندگی به چیزهای بیشتری از عشق نیاز دارید. عشق عالی است، عشق ضروری است، عشق زیباست؛ اما عشق کافی نیست.
*در زندگی به چیزهای بیشتری از عشق نیاز دارید. عشق عالی است، عشق ضروری است، عشق زیباست؛ اما عشق کافی نیست.
July 19, 2020
The work of relationships never gets over. It just gets easier.
August 3, 2021
It gave me a podcast vibe rather than a book... It wasn't very comfortable to listen to...
I would give it 2 stars out of 5.
I would give it 2 stars out of 5.
April 28, 2021
It was hard to feel okay about this "audiobook", which feels more like a serial radio drama/podcast than an actual book. The advice that Manson gives is problematic, given his admission that he has no qualifications whatsoever to give it. It is very different to his previous work (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and Everything is F*cked), and Love is Not Enough definitely ranks as one of my least favourite reads of 2020. I decided to listen to it because I wanted something relatively short for a trip, and because I'd really enjoyed his previous books, but I cannot strongly recommend this one, not even to die-hard Manson fans.
Two stars.
Two stars.
December 3, 2021
بنظرم بهتر بود بود اسم دیگه ایی برای کتاب انتخاب می شد.
در مجموع کتاب خوبی بود. البته اگر می شد من ترجیح می دادم امتیاز 3.5 رو به کتاب بدم.
بعد از خوندن چند کتاب توی این ژانر، محتوا کمی تکراری بنظر می رسه، اما خوندن دوباره بعضی از اونها در قالب مثال های ساده تر خالی از لطف نیست.
مثل یک تلگر دوباره!
در مجموع کتاب خوبی بود. البته اگر می شد من ترجیح می دادم امتیاز 3.5 رو به کتاب بدم.
بعد از خوندن چند کتاب توی این ژانر، محتوا کمی تکراری بنظر می رسه، اما خوندن دوباره بعضی از اونها در قالب مثال های ساده تر خالی از لطف نیست.
مثل یک تلگر دوباره!
February 10, 2022
مردم به بیشتر اطلاعاتی که دریافت میکنند اعتماد ندارند ، به همین ترتیب به بیشتر افراد جامعه خود نیز اعتماد ندارند. به دلیل اینکه اطلاعات بی نهایت ، به مردم آگاهی نمیدهد ، بلکه آنها را گیج میکند. وقتی مردم گیج و بی اعتماد شوند، به غرایز و عقاید اولیه خود برمیگردند و قبیله ای و خودشیفته میشوند. اول از خودم و دارایی های خودم مراقبت میکنم ، گور پدر بقیه.
June 15, 2020
Throw away all your other relationship advice books - this is the only one you need! I really loved this, fun and easy to follow, good practical advice particularly with respect to setting boundaries.
May 16, 2022
Amazing! Everyone needs to listen to this
March 21, 2023
This was definitely a great, insightful read. I really liked hearing stories about other individuals and their issues with love, relationships, and setting boundaries.
December 31, 2020
I downloaded this book as a free audio, and purely because it was relatively short and I needed one more book for my Goodreads challenge. I’ve had the Subtle Art... sitting unread on my bookshelf since it first hit the bestsellers list. Unread because I haven’t been reading much in recent years, and also because the only people who have recommended it to me are men. Nothing against recommendations from men, just that it’s a self help book and I haven’t heard any women proclaim it’s worth - I’m reticent to read self help anyway... I’ve read a number of Manson’s 15 minute personal opinion pieces over the years (does he still do these??) and they always seemed rather hit or miss - extremely so. This... a self help book on relationships... seriously, could it be any more cliched?! And yet... cue opening scene and I’m instantly hearing some of my life retold in pieces... and another... and there again... Obviously, none of the scenarios are identical to my own, but there were quite a few clear connections. Perhaps I needed to read this now - another day and I would have thought ho hum and moved along after a few pages... I instantly recommended it to a friend who listened on her long drive home overnight and rang me this morning to say - OMG, I needed to read this right now! And this is how I have felt listening. Manson has a way with words that points you to the obvious, but manipulates it into a new way that adds a dimension you haven’t considered before. Somehow, he makes the connections stick - that old cliche of showing rather than telling... then sums it up just enough so your thoughts consolidate and you feel that you’ve grown again, and once again, in just a few minutes. It’s a clear winner for me. I wanted to take notes. I’ll buy the hard copy sometime soon so I can revisit a couple of key points - something I never do, but I want to for this. And maybe, now, I’ll read that unread book on my shelf...
May 5, 2023
People develop these perceptions because they don't realize something incredibly obvious, but hard to see. Every person you date has only one thing in common - you. If all the women you meet in your life are crazy or unstable, then guess what, you might not be the pillar of decency you thought you were.
This isn't a book, so much as a series of counseling sessions on problematic relationships. Manson is not a trained therapist or counselor, but he does bring a refreshing clarity and entertainly blunt honesty (as you might expect from someone with a book titled The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck) to relationship issues.
Most of the interviews are tiresome, with the person being interviewed spilling out their mess of a relationship life to Manson while Manson tries to prompt more out of them or guide the discussion. Manson often makes up for it a bit with some insightful analysis at the end of each session.
The listen is thankfully short. Any longer and this would have been a much more painful listen.
This isn't a book, so much as a series of counseling sessions on problematic relationships. Manson is not a trained therapist or counselor, but he does bring a refreshing clarity and entertainly blunt honesty (as you might expect from someone with a book titled The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck) to relationship issues.
Most of the interviews are tiresome, with the person being interviewed spilling out their mess of a relationship life to Manson while Manson tries to prompt more out of them or guide the discussion. Manson often makes up for it a bit with some insightful analysis at the end of each session.
The listen is thankfully short. Any longer and this would have been a much more painful listen.
June 6, 2023
Hollywood è la grande fabbrica dei sogni..e delle illusioni.
Spesso sottovalutiamo quanta rilevanza hanno l'impatto delle storie che sentiamo sulla nostra vita e sicuramente sottovalutiamo anche l'impatto che la fantasia ha sulla nostra vita emotiva.
In una società che ci invita spesso a sognare in grande e a desiderare appagamenti costanti e continui ci siamo in qualche modo abituati a pensare che amare ed essere amati sia la cosa principale a cui ogni uomo dovrebbe aspirare.
Non è così.
L'amore è un sentimento meraviglioso ma ha bisogno di trovare il terreno giusto dove poter fiorire. Per questo motivo l'amore non basta.
Cosa manca allora a Mimì, Jerry, Vanessa Dyana e Mike?
Cinque storie diverse, cinque background diversi ma con in comune un passato sentimentale fatto di frustrazione, desiderio inespresso e senso di inadeguattezza.
Gli amori holliwoodiani sono sempre complessi, irraggiungibili e intensi ma vale lo stesso per la vita reale?
Questo libro mi ha aiutato a percepire molte delle contraddizioni di cui spesso siamo vittime quando ci leghiamo emotivamente a qualcuno. Spesso edifichiamo la nostra vita con la speranza di riuscire ad allargare i nostri confini verso qualcuno che abbia interesse a condivere i suoi con noi.
"Confine" è infatti il termine con cui dovrai familiarizzare parecchio durante l'ascolto di questo audiobook. Perchè i confini non crollano mai..si difendono, specialmente da chi si vuole bene.
Presto dunque appare chiaro che l'equilibrio in realtà lo si ottiene più facilmente tramite decisioni controintuitive e in alcuni casi poco popolari a tutti coloro che sono cresciuti fra commedie romantiche e storie d'amore tormentate che promettono una felicità tanto proporzionale alle lacrime, all'impegno e alla frustrazione profusa per conquistare il premio finale: l'amore dell'altro.
#NoBullshit le cose vere a utentiche riescono senza nessuno sforzo in realtà.
La cartina di tornasola che ciascuno dovrebbe tenere in tasca potrebbe essere infatti quella in cui ti chiedi: Quanto sforzo mi occorre a farmi capire e farmi sentire? E a capire l'altro? E quanto impegno devo mettere a fare andare bene tutto? È quello che desidero vermanete o mi sto accontentando di briciole?.
Una completa catarsi nelle 5 storie che ascolterai sembrerà una cosa pressocchè naturale ed inevitabile mentre la voce narrante ti accompegnarerà verso le inquietudini che tutti abbiamo provato almeno una volta nella vita.
Chi non ha mai fantasticato su qualcuno creando una perfetta immagine di fantasia sul nostro futuro assieme a quella persona che però nella realtà si é dimostrata irrealistica e sbagliata?
Chi non ha mai avuto la sensazione di aver attirato sempre persone sbagliate nella propria vita e che ogni tentativo di migliorare se stessi sia stato inutile nonostante i progressi avidenti che una persona ha fatto negli anni?
Chi non è uscito da una realzione tossica durata molto tempo per poi scoprire di avere paura e incapacità a legarsi sentimentalemente a qualcun'altro al punto da quasi mandare all'aria tutto?
Aggiungiamo anche chi si è tante volte rifugiato in rapporti occasionali pur di non affrontare la solitudine o chi si è legato ad una persona sposata dalla quale non si riescie a farne a meno, ed il menù è pronto. Ti siederai con ognuno di questi protagonisti ascoltando le loro storie e ti sembrerà in fondo di sapere già come andranno a finire...perchè quelle storie sono le tue storie.
Mettiti comodo e fatti guidare.
Spesso sottovalutiamo quanta rilevanza hanno l'impatto delle storie che sentiamo sulla nostra vita e sicuramente sottovalutiamo anche l'impatto che la fantasia ha sulla nostra vita emotiva.
In una società che ci invita spesso a sognare in grande e a desiderare appagamenti costanti e continui ci siamo in qualche modo abituati a pensare che amare ed essere amati sia la cosa principale a cui ogni uomo dovrebbe aspirare.
Non è così.
L'amore è un sentimento meraviglioso ma ha bisogno di trovare il terreno giusto dove poter fiorire. Per questo motivo l'amore non basta.
Cosa manca allora a Mimì, Jerry, Vanessa Dyana e Mike?
Cinque storie diverse, cinque background diversi ma con in comune un passato sentimentale fatto di frustrazione, desiderio inespresso e senso di inadeguattezza.
Gli amori holliwoodiani sono sempre complessi, irraggiungibili e intensi ma vale lo stesso per la vita reale?
Questo libro mi ha aiutato a percepire molte delle contraddizioni di cui spesso siamo vittime quando ci leghiamo emotivamente a qualcuno. Spesso edifichiamo la nostra vita con la speranza di riuscire ad allargare i nostri confini verso qualcuno che abbia interesse a condivere i suoi con noi.
"Confine" è infatti il termine con cui dovrai familiarizzare parecchio durante l'ascolto di questo audiobook. Perchè i confini non crollano mai..si difendono, specialmente da chi si vuole bene.
Presto dunque appare chiaro che l'equilibrio in realtà lo si ottiene più facilmente tramite decisioni controintuitive e in alcuni casi poco popolari a tutti coloro che sono cresciuti fra commedie romantiche e storie d'amore tormentate che promettono una felicità tanto proporzionale alle lacrime, all'impegno e alla frustrazione profusa per conquistare il premio finale: l'amore dell'altro.
#NoBullshit le cose vere a utentiche riescono senza nessuno sforzo in realtà.
La cartina di tornasola che ciascuno dovrebbe tenere in tasca potrebbe essere infatti quella in cui ti chiedi: Quanto sforzo mi occorre a farmi capire e farmi sentire? E a capire l'altro? E quanto impegno devo mettere a fare andare bene tutto? È quello che desidero vermanete o mi sto accontentando di briciole?.
Una completa catarsi nelle 5 storie che ascolterai sembrerà una cosa pressocchè naturale ed inevitabile mentre la voce narrante ti accompegnarerà verso le inquietudini che tutti abbiamo provato almeno una volta nella vita.
Chi non ha mai fantasticato su qualcuno creando una perfetta immagine di fantasia sul nostro futuro assieme a quella persona che però nella realtà si é dimostrata irrealistica e sbagliata?
Chi non ha mai avuto la sensazione di aver attirato sempre persone sbagliate nella propria vita e che ogni tentativo di migliorare se stessi sia stato inutile nonostante i progressi avidenti che una persona ha fatto negli anni?
Chi non è uscito da una realzione tossica durata molto tempo per poi scoprire di avere paura e incapacità a legarsi sentimentalemente a qualcun'altro al punto da quasi mandare all'aria tutto?
Aggiungiamo anche chi si è tante volte rifugiato in rapporti occasionali pur di non affrontare la solitudine o chi si è legato ad una persona sposata dalla quale non si riescie a farne a meno, ed il menù è pronto. Ti siederai con ognuno di questi protagonisti ascoltando le loro storie e ti sembrerà in fondo di sapere già come andranno a finire...perchè quelle storie sono le tue storie.
Mettiti comodo e fatti guidare.
January 1, 2021
Valuable and deeply enjoyable listen for anyone whose love life isn't all there. Also for people who enjoy listening in on private conversations.
This Audible production shines a light on common relationship issues such as a failure to set boundaries, mistaking drama for love, unhealthy fantasising, fear of loneliness, avoiding expressing your true self, anxiety around expressing needs, and the narcissist/co-dependent dynamic - all in a very relatable, intimate and interesting way.
The bottom line? Be comfortable being alone, look for people who share your values and goals by expressing your own, be clear on your boundaries and don't tolerate them being violated, and above all, don't romanticise incompatibility and get sucked into a load of drama. You deserve better.
This Audible production shines a light on common relationship issues such as a failure to set boundaries, mistaking drama for love, unhealthy fantasising, fear of loneliness, avoiding expressing your true self, anxiety around expressing needs, and the narcissist/co-dependent dynamic - all in a very relatable, intimate and interesting way.
The bottom line? Be comfortable being alone, look for people who share your values and goals by expressing your own, be clear on your boundaries and don't tolerate them being violated, and above all, don't romanticise incompatibility and get sucked into a load of drama. You deserve better.
December 23, 2020
This is an interesting enough book as Manson interviews a number of very different people with the same problem, that they are struggling to have a meaningful relationship. I am sure Manson does a lot of research, but be comes across as an enthusiastic amateur, and he seems to filter everything through the matrix of a power struggle. Are you gaining over yourself, or is someone else gaining it over you? I feel like this mindset views the world too individualistically & has the effect of making even healthy relationships adversarial.
Interesting enough to listen to, but I wouldn't go again.
Interesting enough to listen to, but I wouldn't go again.
August 11, 2021
Some people took issue that Mark isn't a therapist and he's giving advice, but I don't think that therapists are exclusively able to provide relationship advice. Mark is a life coach and has spent many years growing as a relationship life coach specifically. I may not ALWAYS agree with the advice he has given, but it was interesting to listen to and I was able to take away some new information. I also find the lives of relationships that other people experience rather interesting, so if that's the type of person you are, you may find it interesting as well.
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