A very strong book striving to give a very private view into a child's perseption of the world. Of couse, I wouldn't really say that the writer got it too good, how children think, there are many different things that stick out. Still, the emotions and the family are very well written and well accentuated.
The small details worked great: the angel charm, the mother's psychological developments, synestetics, the books as a way to cope with the tragedy. Lovely.
*BEWARE OF SPOILERS*
Medicating an ODD? Gosh, these people have been killing their son long before the shooter in a society-approved, medical way.
As for the shooter kid, Charlie's son, what he did to his family is beyond horrific. I believe that his family was one of the most affected. I cannot imagine just how paindul it is not only to lose one's kid but also to know he killed a bunch of people on his way out. Awful situation.
Q:
“Secret hideout,” I whispered into the closet. “This is going to be my top secret hideout.” I started to like sitting in the quiet and listening to my breathing: in—air up my nose—out through my mouth with a puff, in, out, slow now, because I wasn’t really that scared anymore. (c)
Q:
“Grandma?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Is Andy still there, at the school?” ...
“Andy is not at the school anymore,” she said, and she made the coughing sound a few more times. “Andy is up in heaven now with God. God is going to take care of him for us now.”
“But how did he get up to heaven from the school? Did he get like zoomed up there?” (c)
Q:
When I let myself think about yesterday, the scared feeling came back, so I tried not to let those thoughts float around in my brain anymore. (c)
Q:
I started to think about how it was going to be without Andy—it was going to be better at home. There wouldn’t be any more fighting, and I was going to be the only child in the family, so Mommy and Daddy could do a lot more stuff with just me. Like they could both come to my piano recitals and they could both stay for the whole time. That never happened before—because of Andy. (c)
Q:
I don’t know what a soul looks like. Mommy said it’s all your feelings and thoughts and memories, and I thought maybe it looks like a bird or something with wings, like the wing on the charm Miss Russell gave me. I wondered if your soul still has your face when it goes up to heaven, because otherwise how do the people who love you who are already in heaven know it’s your soul and find you so you’re not lonely and you can be together? (c)
Q:
... I couldn’t get the bad thoughts to go into the brain safe. (c)
Q:
“Did the gunman’s soul fly up to heaven, too? Will it try to hurt Andy’s soul there?”
“Oh goodness, Zach, no! Heaven is for the souls of good people. The souls of bad people go somewhere else.”
Q:
MOMMY GOT CHANGED into a different person at the hospital. She came home after three sleeps and she looked different and acted different (c)
Q:
My room used to be for alone, not lonely. (c)
Q:
“Did you go up to heaven, or where did you go?” my brain said to Andy’s face. Andy’s face disappeared. “Anyway, I hope you did.” (c)
Q:
I NEVER KNEW YOU COULD FEEL MORE than one feeling inside of you at the same time.
Especially feelings that are opposites. I know you can feel excited, but when you do what made you excited, the excited feeling goes away and you feel happy because it was fun. Or sad because it’s over already, like right after everyone leaves from your birthday party. But more than one feeling at the same time, right next to each other or on top of each other and all mixed up inside you? I never knew that could happen. (c)
Q:
OK, so far:
Red—Embarrassed
Gray—Sad
Black—Scared
Green—Mad/Angry
And what color is for lonely? I thought that lonely had to be like a see-through color, so no color at all, because when you’re lonely it’s like you’re invisible from other people, but not invisible in a good way like a superhero, but in a sad way. But the piece of paper is white, so how do you make a see-through color on a white paper? Then I had an idea for that. I got out my scissors and cut out the middle of the paper, so there was like a picture frame around a rectangle of see-through nothingness in the middle. Lonely—see-through. (c)
Q:
I thought I was also feeling happy. I felt happy that I didn’t die from the gunman. (c)
Q:
I could lie down on Andy’s sleeping bag and look at the feelings. Now they were separated and that made it easier to think about them. (c)
Q:
All the people outside our house did the things they always do, and I wondered if they even knew that inside our house everything was changed.
The only thing from the outside that matched the inside of our house was the rain. It rained and rained, and it was like it was never stopping, like Mommy cried and cried and she was never stopping. (c)
Q:
I started to pretend like I was in a bad dream and that I was watching myself walk around and do stuff in the dream, because this was not how I wanted real life to be like. (c)
Q:
After breakfast today I looked at the outside world through my window and I wished I could be on that side, where real life was still there. At first I just saw the rain and I watched the circles the raindrops were making in the puddles on the sidewalk. (c)
Q:
I DIDN’T KNOW WHY IT’S CALLED a wake if it’s for someone who isn’t going to be awake ever again. (c)
Q:
I thought it was kind of funny I was going to wear Andy’s wake suit at Andy’s wake. Not funny like you want to laugh, but strange funny. (c)
Q:
Mommy was holding my hand. She squeezed it tighter and tighter, and it got too tight, but I didn’t try to pull my hand away. Mommy needed to squeeze it, I thought. (c)
Q:
... I didn’t move from my spot by the door, because I started to get to know this spot and I didn’t want to get to know anything else in the room. (c)
Q:
I thought it was the most beautiful tree I ever saw, and I was happy that it was going to be right there, next to Andy’s grave. (c)
Q:
I thought about how Daddy was wrong when he said Charlie didn’t get hurt, because he did. His son died, too, so his feelings were hurting about that, like ours because Andy died, except it was worse for Charlie because his son killed his angels, and that was worse than just dead. (c)
Q:
So maybe then if we could have tried to notice those things around us, everyone would have felt happier, and then we would have had no fighting. (c)
Q:
“The first secret of happiness that Jack and Annie learn from the man in Japan, and it’s to make Merlin feel better. It’s that you have to pay attention to the small things around you in nature.”
“OK, Zach, sweetie? I don’t know what you’re talking about right now, but I have a lot of things on my mind. Can we talk about this later?” (c)
Q:
MOMMY AND DADDY made the world’s longest thunderstorm. ...
When Mommy and Daddy were in the same room, right away I could feel the storm clouds starting to grow, like they were getting all dark and heavy at the ceiling. I know a thunderstorm happens when warm air goes up and cold air comes down and they crash together and make big clouds, and the clouds make rain and lightning and thunder. Well, in our house it was like Mommy was the cold air and Daddy the warm air, and when they crashed together, they made a storm of words and yelling and crying.
I got pretty good at noticing when it was about to happen, and I tried to get out of there just in time. Upstairs, in the hideout, shut the door! (c)
Q:
“You’re not having very good sympathy,” I said to Mommy. (c)
Q:
I stood by the coffee table and looked at my feet, because I didn’t want to look at Daddy’s new self. (c)