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296 pages, Paperback
First published January 25, 2018
Sakayanagi threw her cane to the ground. It clattered on the floor.
Katsun!
Letting her cane ring out like that once, Sakayanagi began to revise her approach from a different angle.
“President Nagumo, you’re totally nuts,” Karuizawa laughed, clearly trying to defuse the situation.
"President Nagumo, your face is quite scary---"
So that the situation does not progress any further, Karuizawa laughed and approached Nagumo.
I had no idea whether Satou believed me. She probably thought I said that to console her. Truthfully, I might still disappoint her. I just didn’t feel the way about her that she clearly felt about me, so, in a sense, her concerns about my not having fun weren’t entirely off the mark. I had enjoyed hanging out, but I hadn’t enjoyed it in the way Satou hoped.
How much of this is conveyed to Satou, I honestly don't know. In all likelihood, she probably interpreted it as me saying this to console her.
Truthfully, there are many ways to follow up on this. In regards to Karuizawa's questions during the day too, I'm confident I could have answered in a better way. However, I intentionally chose not to do so.
"She's not a partner I need to go that far for."
It was because I had made that judgement.
In that sense, the 'Did you not find it fun?' question from Satou would not necessarily be wrong either. I did find it fun as far as playing around goes, but it is certain that it was not the way Satou had been hoping for. It'll only be troublesome even if she likes me any further than this, I made such a decision.
“Maybe I’m just crazy, but I feel like you only view people as tools, don’t you, Kiyotaka?” she asked.
I’d used Karuizawa as a tool too many times to deny it. “I don’t view people like that because I choose to.”
"I've been thinking it might be like that vaguely but Kiyotaka only sees people as tools, right?"
"That's not my intention."
I answered with that but that could not possibly reach Karuizawa, who I've used many times over and over as a tool until now.
“It’s not like that. I’m just not ready for a relationship. It’s really me, not you,” I told her.
...
“This might sound kind of lame, but I’ve never had feelings for anyone yet. I’m not rejecting you, personally. I just haven’t really matured enough to handle romance,” I said.
"That's not the case. It's just, at this stage I can't go out with you. It's genuinely a problem with my own feelings."
...
"It may be a pathetic story but I've never even once seriously fallen in love with a member of the opposite sex yet. That is why, it's not a matter of dumping you or anything, it just means I haven't matured enough to be capable of romance yet."