Helen Lewis’ Difficult Women tells the story of feminism in eleven different battles that helped English women regain at least some of the rights stolen from them by men. Lewis emphasizes that she learned to avoid the narratives of the majority of writers and journalists who only focus on the successes of the feminist movement, or, as she puts it:
“Women’s history should not be a shallow hunt for heroines.
[there is a] desperate desire to pretend that thorny issues are actually straightforward. No more flawed humans struggling inside vast, complicated systems: there are good guys and bad guys, and it’s easy to tell which is which.
This approach is pathetic and childish, and it should be resisted. I want to restore the complexity to feminist pioneers. Their legacies might be contested, they might have made terrible strategic choices and they might not have lived up to the ideals they preached. But they mattered. Their difficulty is part of the story.”
In my review, I will address each issue individually, using some notes I made while reading, but mostly I will quote some well-written phrases about the different subjects.
Divorce:
For the first time, I learned the story of Caroline Norton, an author and an activist—although such a term didn’t exist at the time. Caroline Norton was one of the first women in modern history to experience a “sex-related shitstorm” from the Victorian yellow press, which accused her of adultery. At the time, if adultery was proven it meant for the wife that she is going to be separated but not divorced from her husband, which meant he still had legal power over her as if they were still together. After marriage, a woman gave all her civil rights to her husband and could only regain them through divorce, but not through separation. A man could divorce his wife whenever he wanted, but a woman could only enforce a divorce if she could prove her husband had an incestuous relationship. Norton gave English women the right to see their children after divorce for the first time in history. Keep in mind, we are talking about the late 19th century.
Vote:
The author speaks about Hannah Mitchell, an English suffragette who was a member of the WSPU, which fought for voting rights for women in the early 20th century.
“No cause can be won between dinner and tea, and most of us who were married had to work with one hand tied behind us,” wrote suffragette Hannah Mitchell in her memoir. She explains:
“Looking back on my own life, I feel my greatest enemy has been the cooking stove - a sort of tyrant who has kept me in subjection.”
Sex:
In this chapter, the story of Marie Bonaparte is told. She was, by the way, the great-great-niece of Napoleon Bonaparte and a patient of Sigmund Freud. She had once been caught masturbating by her nurse, who told her that the practice would kill her and made her wear a nightgown with drawstrings at the bottom. Banned from studying for the baccalaureate because she was a girl, Marie spent the rest of her life conducting independent research into sexuality. One of her subjects was herself. Having given up clitoral masturbation, she discovered that she couldn’t orgasm from sex in the missionary position. She was one of the first female scientists to research female sexuality and understood that the social perception of sex as the act of inserting a penis into a vagina was only based on male needs. Ernst Gräfenberg, the discoverer of the clitoris, provided the first data showing that it is about 4.5 cm away from the vaginal canal, making it very difficult for women to reach orgasm through missionary sex. The author highlights how the words we use to describe sex expose that we are blindly using the male perspective, with sex defined as penetration, while everything else—what women often prefer—is dismissed as mere “foreplay.” This framing reveals that clitoral stimulation is not intended to satisfy women but only to arouse them enough to participate in penetration, leaving them aroused yet unsatisfied overall.
Play:
At the beginning of this chapter, the author digresses to underline her perspective that the feminist story should be told with all its good and bad sides. As an example, she discusses a known feminist, Margaret Sanger, who was one of the leaders of the birth control revolution but also a big advocate of eugenics, believing that birth control was necessary to reduce the fertility of some unwanted ethnic groups.
The author says:
“We cannot deny the unpalatable views of Stopes and fellow birth-control advocates such as Margaret Sanger. But we can put them in context. What they believed has nothing to do with the modern reproductive justice movement. The organisation which now bears Marie’s name was founded in 1976, after her own clinics folded a year earlier. The battle started by Marie Stopes continues today. How much did her difficulty contribute to her achievements? She got contraception and female sexual desire discussed at the tea-tables of polite English society. In 1923, she brought a libel case against an obscure Catholic doctor who accused her of obscenity, and the resulting publicity saw birth control mentioned in the same newspapers which had refused to take adverts for her clinics. Her legal costs were considerable, but attendance at her clinics rose. Like the suffragettes, she had discovered that being thunderously condemned was better than being politely ignored.”
The author then returns to the history of women’s football and shows how World War I accelerated public interest in women’s football, as men were overseas fighting. I was shocked to learn about the ban in 1921. The explanation was striking, as it came from the FA—an organisation now criticised by football fans for being “too woke.” On December 5, 1921, the FA announced a ban on women’s football from being played at professional grounds and pitches affiliated with the FA, stating, “The game of football is quite unsuitable for females and ought not to be encouraged.”
Work:
In this chapter, Lewis addresses the various problems every woman still faces in the workplace even today, which prevent them from reaching their full potential.
Safety:
For me, this was perhaps the most interesting chapter of the book, in which the author interviewed Erin Pizzey, the founder of the first and largest domestic violence shelter in the world. Pizzey later became a “men’s rights advocate,” as if men are systematically oppressed by women. She also collaborates with far-right influencers and anti-feminists, which is an interesting evolution that the author analyzes. Returning to the shelters, Pizzey describes why it is so difficult for women to escape their abusive partners:
“Pizzey observed that women who ‘escaped’ struggled to live independently. ‘I often used to joke that the first day a woman came into the refuge she was on a high because she was safe and so were her children,’ she writes in her memoir. ‘The second day she was busy getting their lives organised, but by the third day I would notice that the high had dissipated. That was the day she was most likely to think about going back to her partner.’”
Lewis also addresses a general problem of liberal movements: rivalries and the illusion among some leftists that being “woke” is a competition, where one can only outshine an “ally” by being more progressive and, therefore, a better person. This, among other issues, is one of the biggest problems of liberal movements, which shatters the unity of their supporters. Other problems include blindly adopting identity politics, which creates the illusion that every perspective from a minority must be uncritically accepted.
Lewis writes:
“Freeman, like Pizzey, had her negative experiences in real-world collectives. The online feminism of the 2010s added a new dimension, because it was possible to be the target of a trashing by several hundred people at once, in real time. ‘Even as online feminism has proved itself a real force for change, many of the most avid digital feminists will tell you that it’s become toxic,’ the American journalist Michelle Goldberg wrote in the Nation in 2014. Indeed, there’s a nascent genre of essays by people who feel emotionally savaged by their involvement in it—not because of sexist trolls, but because of the slashing righteousness of other feminists.
Online feminism became obsessed with language. A kind of priesthood had sprung up to adjudicate what terms could be used.
Anger is a great engine of change, and activists are often dismissed by those who currently hold power as ‘too radical’ or ‘too aggressive’ in their demands. But outrage had become prized for its own sake, and online feminists had lost the ability to distinguish between genuine anger and mere spite. Worse, self-appointed ‘allies’ had gone full Crucible by performatively denouncing their peers to demonstrate their own righteousness. ‘What’s disgusting and disturbing to me is that I see some of the more intellectually dishonest arguments put forth by women of color being legitimized and performed by white feminists, who seem to be in some sort of competition to exhibit how intersectional they are,’ the Jezebel blog founder Anna Holmes, who is black, told Michelle Goldberg. She found it ‘dishonest’ and ‘patronising.’”
For Lewis, these disagreements are not a justification for people like Pizzey to join radical anti-feminist groups. However, she underlines the importance of understanding why people like Pizzey think the way they do, perhaps to prevent them from falling into the arms of reactionary politicians.
Love:
The author speaks about non-heterosexual relationships and the sexism that exists there as well. However, she first addresses a significant problem: the pseudo-leftist, liberal nonsense of upper-class academics who are only interested in symbolic activism that doesn’t force them to share their power or resources.
Lewis explains:
“Think of the current craze for ‘woke-washing,’ where businesses plaster themselves with ‘LGBT-friendly employer’ kitemarks, hold training days about diversity, and encourage people to put their pronouns in their email signatures. It’s great, but it changes very little. Recently, I went into a tech company which had signs on the loos proclaiming that anyone who self-identified as a woman could use the ladies. ‘Gender diversity is welcome here,’ the sign added. A lovely thought. Except I was visiting the tech company to talk about the systematic sexist abuse of women on its platform. Talk is cheap, action is expensive: it’s why the suffragette slogan was ‘deeds not words.’
My corporate dudes, come back to me when you’ve funded generous parental-leave packages or ensured that those asking for flexible working hours aren’t underpaid and overlooked for promotions. You can have your pink kitemark when half your board and senior management team are women, when your office has a free crèche, and when harassment claims are properly investigated rather than hushed up with non-disclosure agreements.”
Another phrase that made me smile was the author’s response to the question of whether it is homophobic to not be attracted to trans men or trans women:
“Of course, many non-trans lesbians do consider trans women as potential sexual partners. But it is fine not to do so, either.
Your vagina is not a democracy. No one else gets a vote on what you do with it.”
Education:
This chapter recounts the story of the Edinburgh Seven, the first women to be full undergraduate students at any British university. For me, it is unimaginable that some people once believed women were not capable of being good doctors. As a medical student myself, at a faculty where at least 60% of the students are women, I can see they are often clearly more qualified than I am. Women are much better represented in medicine nowadays that some universities have even actively worked against their academic success.
“Examiners at Tokyo Medical University in Japan admitted that they had deducted points from the test scores of female applicants for many years. They wanted to limit the numbers of women doctors, reasoning that it would harm the country’s health service if it was staffed by too many people who might leave to have babies. They apparently hadn’t considered that a) doctors’ future lives were none of their business; and b) making it easier for mothers to stay in the profession was also possible. The next year, when the handicapping system was removed, female applicants outperformed male ones.”
Time:
This was one of the weaker chapters, in my opinion. Here, the author discusses how women, who often juggle two roles, are forced to work twice as hard to achieve the same results as men due to the lack of time. While the subject is important, Lewis’ treatment of it felt superficial.
Abortion:
Although abortion rights are relatively prominent in the news due to the overturning of Roe v. Wade, I think the story of Savita Halappanavar is not told often enough. It vividly illustrates the necessity of universal abortion rights:
“In 2012, a thirty-one-year-old dentist called Savita Halappanavar had the misfortune to start miscarrying at seventeen weeks pregnant. She arrived at University Hospital Galway with the foetus half-delivered, and the sac protruding from her uterus into her vagina. She asked for an abortion and was refused one. Nothing could be done, doctors said, until the heartbeat had stopped. One of the nurses told her and her husband that Ireland was ‘a Catholic country.’
Three days later, as Savita’s condition worsened, the medical team eventually diagnosed her with sepsis—blood poisoning—and agreed to give her the abortion drug misoprostol. She delivered the foetus before the drug could be administered. At 1:09 a.m., four days later, she died of a heart attack caused by the blood poisoning. In her statement to the Northern Ireland police, Colette Devlin described the decision to refuse treatment to Halappanavar as ‘tantamount to murder.’”
Difficult Women:
In the final chapter, the author emphasizes the importance of being a “difficult” woman who confronts sexism wherever it exists. The author emphasise that it is not the time for women to actively ignore reasons for the discrimination because it could be seen as lack of solidarity with other oppressed groups.
“In Japan, women are still expected to give up work when they have children. In El Salvador, women are jailed for having miscarriages. In rural Nepal, women die in freezing cold ‘menstrual huts.’ In Britain, our main opposition party has never had a woman leader. Across the world, women own less capital, earn lower wages, and do more unpaid caring labour. You will notice how many of these disadvantages relate to having a female body. That has become an unfashionable concept among younger feminists, who are wary of making arguments based on biology. They worry about being ‘exclusionary’ because not all women have a uterus or vagina or about ‘reducing women to genitals.’
But come on—feminists have fought hard to stop our bodies from being unspeakable. We’ve tried to bust the taboos against talking about menstruation, menopause, or the gorier bits of childbirth. Are we really going to tidy all that away again? We can welcome transgender people into feminism without junking the idea that biology matters. I don’t believe I have a ‘female brain’—good at sewing, bad at starting wars—but I do have a female body. And as a class, women are oppressed because it is presumed that they can bear children. That still applies even though many of us—like me—are childless. The principle of self-definition should be respected, but it does not cancel out material reality. An episiotomy doesn’t care how you identify.”
Final Thoughts:
All in all, I greatly “enjoyed” reading this book. It was enlightening to learn about the different aspects of the feminist movement, especially the darker sides of certain movements and figures. As the author aptly pointed out, it is essential to highlight these imperfections because they underline how flawed and human every social movement can be.
I highly recommend this book—5/5!