The Dominance Playbook: Ways to Play With Power in Scenes and Relationships

by Anton Fulmen

In The Dominance Playbook, kink educator and lifelong power exchange fanatic Anton Fulmen builds on the fundamentals he established in The Heart of Dominance to explore beyond the basics of dominance and submission in both scenes and relationships.The Playbook includes inspiration and practical advice for a wide range of power exchange administering effective punishments, providing useful service, navigating the delicate territory of sexual objectification, and other fulfilling but sometimes tricky areas of kink. You’ll find invaluable guidance for creating an intense evening of power exchange play, and also for weaving power exchange into the fabric of a long term relationship - in ways that are exciting, fulfilling and sustainable for everyone.

Genres: Sexuality, BDSM, Nonfiction, Relationships, Education, Psychology, Erotica

359 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 4, 2019

Reviews

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

There’s a wealth of good relationship knowledge hidden in here, apart from any kink or power play stuff, like: “Abuse is best recognized by the effect it has on the abused.”

In fact, he has a list of questions to ask yourself when you’re involved in any type of relationship, and I’m gonna recap it here, because it should be mandatory reading, and deserves a much wider audience than people reading kink books:

- Do you feel fundamentally safe?
- Can you tell your partner what you really think and how you really feel? Do they listen?
- Are they interested in your needs, limits, and desires, and do they prioritize, respect, and support them?
- Do they express their emotions in a healthy way, and allow you to express yours in a healthy way?
- Do they take responsibility for themselves?
- Do they have your best interests at heart?
- Do they encourage you to get other perspectives and seek other sources of support?
- Do you feel fulfilled and happy?
- Do you feel any fear, tension, or a heavy, dreadful feeling that you wish you could avoid?
- Are you confident you could change your boundaries, or end the relationship if you wanted? Would they take it well and respect your decision?
- Does it feel good? Relationships can be challenging and can mean not getting your way about a lot of things, but it should always be something you want to be doing, not just something that you endure, or that you accept because you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t, because that’s the only way your partner will love you, or because it’s what you’ve been told you should do.

brb, wanna apply this to all romance novels, and romcoms, and basically life.

[Lindsay Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot recommend this book enough. There is so much information in here. Fulmen describes this book as the "200-level" to come after The Heart of Dominance, and he's probably right, but honestly there is so much info in here that is practical and easy to quickly implement, I've started recommending it.

There is a solid introduction section where the basics of power exchange are described, and then each chapter features another kink or power aspect. There is a whole chapter for things like CNC, Humiliation, DD/LG, etc. This makes it an awesome go-to for people who have specific questions about those things, but also who want to jump straight into the "ok how do I actually start negotiating this stuff" part. I regularly recommend this book to people who want to introduce their partners to these ideas. Read the intro, and then the relevant chapters together, and talk through it as a couple.

Love love love this book, and I plan to pick up the rest of Fulmen's work.

[Peachgirl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good content overall but there are several sections involving example stories which use ridiculous "sie" and "hir" pronouns which are an eyeroll and thus best left ignored

[Abigail Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding good books on this subject are hard. First you have to take into account that there aren't very many books on this subject in the first place because most of us in the scene have day jobs that would be in jeopardy if they found out we wrote a book like this. Then you have to take into account that 95%+ of the books that are written are for people who just found out what BDSM was yesterday, which is fair enough -they need books for them too- but not incredibly useful for those of us that have been in the lifestyle for any significant amount of time. Once you've removed those books for your list, you then have so sift through a lot of badly written garbage written by people with highly questionable morals in the hopes of finding something even remotely decent. The Actually good books catered towards those who have been in the BDSM lifestyle for a number of years are rare and difficult to find.

This book was good enough for me to be frustrated that I can't find many others like it.

Some things I found especially nice:
-The book manages to talk about consent in a thought-provoking manner that did not insult my intelligence.
- The book acknowledges that disabled people exist in the BDSM scene (a true rarity given the abelism that I've had to deal with in the scene as an autistic person)
-The book acknowledges that female dominants exist (you'd be surprised how rare that is in nonfiction BDSM books given how popular femdom is)

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book about Dominance.
It covers many elements of power exchange:
Power exchange in scenes
Role play
Scenes
Conflicts that can arise and how to resolve them
Power exchange in relationships
Abuse
How to start
Collars and commitments
Long term and maintenance
Conflict and resolution
How to end TPE in a healthy way
Elements of power exchange
Protocol
Discipline
Training
Physical domination
Punishment
CNC
Domestic service
Body service
Executive service
Public humiliation
Defilement
Sexual devaluation
Personal improvement
Pampering
Parental dynamics
Dollification
Sexual objectification
De-anthropomorphism


I learned a lot and will use ideas from this book to stay safe, sane, and consensual.
If you are into power exchange I recommend this book and I plan to check out other books on this topic by the same author.

[Fred · Rating 5 out of 5]

An outstanding book zooming in on various advanced techniques and categories of power exchange. I enjoyed the level of detail and consideration given to each, and the empowering messages directed at both the dominant and submissive partners. Fulmen understands that both sides of the slash, when approached with sufficient depth, are places of tremendous vulnerability, but also deep opportunities for fulfillment and liberation and therefore worthy of courageous exploration despite what others might say or think or prescribe. I also like that he points out common pitfalls with nuance and empathy, some of which I wish I had read about in the past before I stumbled over them myself. Alas.

[Rachel Krantz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guide is perfect for anyone who feels like they already understand/have read about BDSM 101 — and wants to level up. It is extremely practical and inclusive to those who are both monogamous and nonmonogamous. If you’ve read introductions to BDSM and kink but are looking for more ideas about how to put it into practice in your relationship in very specific ways, this book is for you. I mean, it literally teaches you to “write your own script.”

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A guide on power exchange in a healthy way. Described in the book as something that assumes the person reading isn't a beginner into the world of BDSM. I believe this is imperative for BDSMers to read though. I haven't seen books on power exchange in this way. Usually, the fantasy is the place where other guides are rooted. This writing is more realistic and would serve any reader looking to know and understand more.

[adam moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting book some parts of the book were gross but it was a good read

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really got a lot out of this!

[s · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely glowing all-around, a practical and effective guide that gives you all the tools you need alongside the advice that comes from years of experience. Excellent.

[Lua · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book had me taking notes!!

[Treps · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written book that covers a good breadth of content dives deep into some important concepts and provides some actionable steps while managing to avoid the overuse anecdotes, fluff, and woowoo that this genre often succumbs to. Highly recommend as a read for anyone interested regardless of experience.

[Gijs Limonard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, why pick this up?, well, why not? The author helpfully stretches the dominance stance to more than just controlling action between the bedsheets, including application of this strategy in daily life, be it work, interpersonal non-sexual relations etc.; beyond that, the proposed nuts(no pun intended whatsoever)-and-bolts pointers on how to go about living out your dominant fantasies were not all that captivating.

[Ram Ren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. It dives into most types of play, be it from the Dom or Subs side and gives you tools for exploring and solving any and all other situations. Very comprehensive and complete.

[Lark]

I had a lot of problems while reading this book, and I think that lay entirely with me, not with the book. The first third is about power exchange within scenes, the second third is about power exchange within relationships, and the final third is about flavors of power exchange.

The middle portion of the book was deeply unsettling for me to read because power exchange relationships are very evocative of real life abuse for me personally. The relationship things that weren't unsettling weren't helpful either because they seemed like pretty obvious advice that applies to egalitarian relationships.

The final portion of the book was the most valuable for me: as a survey of many different styles of power exchange, it gave me the vocabulary to better understand my own past relationships as well as other people's narratives and desires.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic. It’s practical, concise, and full of valuable insights. It’s divided into two parts: the first focuses on how to build, maintain, and thoughtfully navigate D/s dynamics, including what happens after the honeymoon phase. The second dives into specific flavors of D/s, offering guidance and considerations for different dynamics.

I loved how it encourages self-reflection, helping you think critically about your limits and the long-term sustainability of a power exchange. The tips are actionable, the insights are thought-provoking, and it’s written in a way that’s easy to follow.

I highly recommend it to anyone curious about or exploring D/s dynamics. I loved reading it!!

[Calico · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really, really fantastic. Definitely more of a 201 level book, chock full of information, types of domination, and ideas for creating the kinds of scenes you want. Refreshing in that the author acknowledges and regularly touches on how to mitigate your anxieties and struggles as a dominant. I would recommend this very highly.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent advice for all types of relationship.