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The Creaking on the Stairs: Finding Faith in God Through Childhood Abuse
I think there is real hope to be found, in the middle of our deepest traumas, in the good news about Jesus Christ. I also think that there is a place for us to find hope and community within the church. Because of these two beliefs, I truly think, distant though it may be, that we may even get to a place of peace within our souls and a place of forgiveness for those who hurt us so much . This is a book that has no easy answers and will offer none. This is a book that tries to get behind the tough questions of why God permits such abuses to occur in this world. Using his own story of childhood abuse, Mez McConnell tells us about a God who is just, sovereign and loving. A good father who knows the pain of rejection and abuse, who hates evil, who can bring hope even in the darkest place. ‘It’s not a pagan rags to Christian riches story. It’s real, raw and radical. I suspect that there will be as many people shocked by the Bible teaching that Mez wrestles with, as there will be those shocked by the abuse he suffered. With chapters like ‘The glorious, wonderful reality of Hell’ and ‘The terrible reality of Heaven’, there is no chance of this book being perceived as comfortable.’ – David Robertson, Christian Today
240 pages, Paperback
Published November 8, 2019
62 people are currently reading
413 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
November 9, 2019
My endorsement:
“Mez McConnell has one of the most powerful testimonies I’ve ever heard. And he’s never gotten over the Author’s grace. In this searching and timely memoir, my friend recounts the horror of being abused as a child, the painful repercussions ever since, and the unexpected hope he’s found. ‘The Creaking on the Stairs’ is a relentlessly evangelistic book. If you struggle to imagine a good God due to past abuse, Mez want you to know you are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are deeply loved. He can testify to that firsthand.”
“Mez McConnell has one of the most powerful testimonies I’ve ever heard. And he’s never gotten over the Author’s grace. In this searching and timely memoir, my friend recounts the horror of being abused as a child, the painful repercussions ever since, and the unexpected hope he’s found. ‘The Creaking on the Stairs’ is a relentlessly evangelistic book. If you struggle to imagine a good God due to past abuse, Mez want you to know you are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are deeply loved. He can testify to that firsthand.”
October 18, 2019
I never thought a book like this would be written. But it has been.
A compassionate, clear, and Christ-centred response to abuse from someone who has lived it.
This is a hard read, but needs to be read by all.
A compassionate, clear, and Christ-centred response to abuse from someone who has lived it.
This is a hard read, but needs to be read by all.
February 19, 2025
I finished this book both shocked and thankful that it exists and that it was written exactly the way it was. Mez’s testimony is horrific and beautiful, and maybe no one is more equipped to speak on this topic than he is. In 250 pages, he presents the gospel with precision, and relates every facet of it back to abuse. It’s urgent evangelism to abusers, the abused, and anyone who doubts God because of the sin around them.
“I had been waiting all my life for other people to repent of what they had done to me, when, all along, it was God who required repentance from me.” I thought Mez’s section on repentance was incredibly risky/bold, and yet written with tangible gentleness.
The end of the book includes an interview with a (now Christian) former child molester, an abuse victim, and several pastors. It includes a ton of insight into whether/how abusers can join a church body which was fascinating, convicting, angering, etc all at once.
I loved this book. If you are very familiar with the gospel, some chapters may move slowly, but you will still appreciate its beauty as an evangelistic text.
(also shoutout to the typesetter bc they slayed)
“I had been waiting all my life for other people to repent of what they had done to me, when, all along, it was God who required repentance from me.” I thought Mez’s section on repentance was incredibly risky/bold, and yet written with tangible gentleness.
The end of the book includes an interview with a (now Christian) former child molester, an abuse victim, and several pastors. It includes a ton of insight into whether/how abusers can join a church body which was fascinating, convicting, angering, etc all at once.
I loved this book. If you are very familiar with the gospel, some chapters may move slowly, but you will still appreciate its beauty as an evangelistic text.
(also shoutout to the typesetter bc they slayed)
April 23, 2023
This book crushed me. I mean, absolutely, devastatingly crushed me…..in a beautiful, Grace-filled way.
Mez weaves autobiographical snap shots into a robust theological treatment of the problem of suffering. His own testimonies about abuse are raw and gut-wrenching . He uses these snippets skillfully to establish credibility with the reader. I doubt someone without abuse in their past could believably write this book.
This book will be a tool in my counseling arsenal. I strongly encourage pastors, counselors, and people who have experienced abuse to read this book.
Mez weaves autobiographical snap shots into a robust theological treatment of the problem of suffering. His own testimonies about abuse are raw and gut-wrenching . He uses these snippets skillfully to establish credibility with the reader. I doubt someone without abuse in their past could believably write this book.
This book will be a tool in my counseling arsenal. I strongly encourage pastors, counselors, and people who have experienced abuse to read this book.
February 28, 2020
This book, it's devastating but beautiful. It took me awhile to get through it because it's not an easy and fun read, but I feel it's such a necessary read for all believers.
October 7, 2023
If you or someone you know had experienced childhood abuse and/or neglect, you need to read this book. Likely be triggering to some! As a believer working in child welfare, I wish I had read this book two years ago when I started my career. Mez wrote this in a very reader friendly language. Short chapters, no terribly big words, personal experiences, questions, and answers. And iwould feel comfortable giving this book to teenagers and adults who have experienced abuse or are impacted by abuse in some way.
He compares the life of the child who has been abused to the life of Jesus while cutting down the argument that the crucifixion is divine child abuse. He goes into how the Lord ordains evil but doesn’t commit evil and uses it to accomplish good and always has. Look no further than the cross. Extremely helpful and hard.
“Yes, I was abused. Jesus was abused more.
Yes, I was humiliated. Jesus was humiliated more.
Yes, I was rejected. Jesus was rejected more.”
170
He compares the life of the child who has been abused to the life of Jesus while cutting down the argument that the crucifixion is divine child abuse. He goes into how the Lord ordains evil but doesn’t commit evil and uses it to accomplish good and always has. Look no further than the cross. Extremely helpful and hard.
“Yes, I was abused. Jesus was abused more.
Yes, I was humiliated. Jesus was humiliated more.
Yes, I was rejected. Jesus was rejected more.”
170
December 18, 2024
Horrific. Brutal. Yet somehow, through his own pain and suffering, Mez gently pulls back the curtain and allows the precious light of God’s sovereignty to influence our perspective on such unspeakable evil.
This book brought me to tears many times. Some of it left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am left with newfound respect for Mez, and particularly his view of God.
For any who are able to, I would highly recommend this book. Sensitive yet honest, crushing and yet comforting, in a way.
This book brought me to tears many times. Some of it left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am left with newfound respect for Mez, and particularly his view of God.
For any who are able to, I would highly recommend this book. Sensitive yet honest, crushing and yet comforting, in a way.
January 6, 2021
This is one of those books that produces feelings of sorrow, despair, pity, and ultimately hope. Mez McConnell recounts his horrific experience of physical and emotional abuse and his eventual coming to peace and hope through Christ. Mez has been a pastor for many years and he uses his knowledge of the scriptures and experience to help both the abused and those who have done the abusing. There is much here of the hope of the gospel.
January 5, 2022
This was a difficult book to read, but necessary. The accounts of abuse are raw and painful, but the hope of Jesus is the healing salve. My only complaint is I wish he had suggested Biblical counseling/therapy for victims. It was a little bootstrappy for me when it came to that.
October 14, 2019
Brutal, honest, horrible, Hope filled. This book is not a joy to read and nor should it be. Searingly honest about abuse and it’s consequences whilst simultaneously wrestling with big questions as it brings God’s word to bear on abuse and sin, grace and sovereignty, this book is well worth reading.
February 10, 2020
Thankfully, I didn't find this book extremely relatable. But it seems that walking through the theology of suffering, our own sin, God's justice, grace, and mercy, are always good and helpful... I didn't find a lot of it to feel impactful to me at this point in my life, but I did find the interviews at the end to be interesting and thought provoking; more so because I have considered before how the church would or should relate to converted abusers.
Also, the reminders not to be bitter are important. It is probably a rarity to not suffer any form of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse because of how full of sin this world is. Even in a tiny example, it is easy to harbor bitterness towards those who have even just degraded you with their words. So to constantly be focusing on the grace and forgiveness God has given you and praying for the salvation and ultimate good of others is important in being able to (through Christ's strength) love your enemies...
Also, the reminders not to be bitter are important. It is probably a rarity to not suffer any form of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse because of how full of sin this world is. Even in a tiny example, it is easy to harbor bitterness towards those who have even just degraded you with their words. So to constantly be focusing on the grace and forgiveness God has given you and praying for the salvation and ultimate good of others is important in being able to (through Christ's strength) love your enemies...
June 26, 2020
“The most disturbing book that I have ever read. I can not recommend it highly enough.” - Rosaria Butterfield
December 2, 2019
This is an incredible book. It is addressed to abuse survivors, but is also for those who want to come along side them, for churches who want to minister to the abused as well as to the abuser. He brings to bear all the truth of Scripture, providing hope, but not glossing over the very hard issues. Highly recommended.
May 25, 2020
I cried for two reasons during this book.
1. I cried at seeing the reality of sin and its disgusting nature, both in the book and in reflection of my sin.
2. I cried at the awesome scandal of grace that is found in Jesus Christ. I am constantly overwhelmed at the gospel.
A truly raw, profoundly honest and quality book.
1. I cried at seeing the reality of sin and its disgusting nature, both in the book and in reflection of my sin.
2. I cried at the awesome scandal of grace that is found in Jesus Christ. I am constantly overwhelmed at the gospel.
A truly raw, profoundly honest and quality book.
April 4, 2021
A difficult, shocking, and yet powerful and hope giving book. It helped me to better understand the mindset of one who has been horribly abused and also see how the gospel is the only answer for the abused and the abusers.
May 12, 2020
Excellent book
September 29, 2024
This book made me feel seen while also challenging my innate thoughts about God and how truly scandalous grace is. No one deserves His mercy, including victims of child abuse, yet He extends it to everyone, including child abusers, which I still need to mentally process.
May 23, 2025
This is one authentic book and Mez McConnell is one authentic follower of Jesus Christ. You cannot read this book and not be challenged by the horror of child abuse. You also cannot read this book and not be challenged by the miraculous healing power of the love of God. I walked away thinking, “If by God’s power Mez McConnell forgive, heal, and find peace and meaning in his life, then certainly anyone can, myself included.”
December 29, 2019
An uncomfortable brutally honest read. The author doesn’t shy away from the difficult questions, he dives into them. Through tears I cannot recommend this book enough.
January 7, 2021
Devastating. Full of truth--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Full of hope. In God's providence I was never abused as a child, but this was an important book for me to read.
February 12, 2023
The forgiveness shown in this book made me rant at God because why is he okay with forgiving people like *that*. Which says so much about me.
February 8, 2025
Heartbreaking insight of the brokenness and hostility in the author's early life, and the transformative hope of the gospel.
October 21, 2019
If you pick this up, prepare to be shocked, disturbed, challenged, outraged and moved to tears. And wonderfully encouraged at the same time.
With raw honesty, Mez leads us through the story of his own childhood abuse, mixed with biblical reflections on making sense of his experiences. He doesn't even try to offer easy answers. Of course he can't. But what he can do, by God's grace, is point us to a powerful saviour who can transform both abuser and abused.
I was particularly moved by Mez's reflections on how Jesus can identify with the abused, and his challenges about seeing our own need for mercy when we consider abusers. The biographical setting meant truths that I have affirmed for many years hit me with fresh power.
The book ends with some remarkable appendices: An interview with a child abuser, an interview with an abuser's pastor, FAQs from child abuse sufferers, and a response to the book from an abuse sufferer.
Perhaps like me, you don't particularly want to read a book about childhood abuse. But you will be thankful for reading this one. Disturbed, yes. But deeply thankful.
With raw honesty, Mez leads us through the story of his own childhood abuse, mixed with biblical reflections on making sense of his experiences. He doesn't even try to offer easy answers. Of course he can't. But what he can do, by God's grace, is point us to a powerful saviour who can transform both abuser and abused.
I was particularly moved by Mez's reflections on how Jesus can identify with the abused, and his challenges about seeing our own need for mercy when we consider abusers. The biographical setting meant truths that I have affirmed for many years hit me with fresh power.
The book ends with some remarkable appendices: An interview with a child abuser, an interview with an abuser's pastor, FAQs from child abuse sufferers, and a response to the book from an abuse sufferer.
Perhaps like me, you don't particularly want to read a book about childhood abuse. But you will be thankful for reading this one. Disturbed, yes. But deeply thankful.
October 11, 2019
Tough read but worth it. Very helpful to see God’s grace in the life of someone who had a truly awful childhood.
October 20, 2019
I hated reading this book, and I could hardly put it down.
As someone who (thankfully) has no firsthand experience with abuse, this was a powerfully disturbing exposure to what this reality can look like. But, even more powerful then the terrible nature of the abuse that is described in these pages, is the amazing truth of the gospel on display. This book is a beautiful testimony to the power of the gospel and the goodness of God.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Thank you Mez for your vulnerability and honesty in writing this.
As someone who (thankfully) has no firsthand experience with abuse, this was a powerfully disturbing exposure to what this reality can look like. But, even more powerful then the terrible nature of the abuse that is described in these pages, is the amazing truth of the gospel on display. This book is a beautiful testimony to the power of the gospel and the goodness of God.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Thank you Mez for your vulnerability and honesty in writing this.
February 9, 2021
I don't know where it was, but I saw a study which mentioned that 1 of every 4 girls has been sexually abused and 1 in 6 males have been afflicted likewise. In addition to that, many have also been physically abused. If 1 of every 5 people in our churches had cancer or HIV, one would be sure we should act upon it with practical, gospel hope. All the more reason to be sensitive and open to those who silently bear the hell and shame of childhood abuse. McConnell, a pastor in Edinburgh, Scotland and director of 20schemes, gives us what is a most disturbing recollection of savage abuse but uses it to display the beauty of the Gospel as Christ unfolds His mercy in his life. Having hit rock bottom through a childhood of brutal physical abuse by his stepmother, Mez ended up on the fast lane of drugs and crime, with his prison sentence leading to unexpected hope and faith. The emphasis, however, is not on Mez, but rather on what Jesus does through him, melting his cold heart that was so unyielding. At no point does Mez say that his past doesn't matter, but what he does acknowledge is that the Cross of Christ transforms his past. While so many questions don't have immediate answers, Mez sees that what his stepmother intended for evil, God used for his ultimate good. The hero is this story is Jesus, not Mez, and every step along the way, Mez unfolds how the Gospel, shone through biblical truths about the character of God, comes through in all its beauty. Follow-up interviews in the appendices are extremely helpful, as well. This is not an easy read, but if we want to walk side-by-side in restoration of those broken by abuse, we need to understand the gravity of all sin--our own included--and the riches of God's grace.
January 30, 2020
Mez McConnell, the author of this book, provides the reader a first hand account of the suffering that he experienced at the hands of a drunken, abusive (verbally, physically, sexually) step mom (and her friends). With raw honesty, Mez leads us through his story. The book is mixed with biblical reflections on making sense of his experiences. He doesn't even try to offer easy answers. But what he does do, by God's grace, is point us to a powerful savior who can transform both abuser and abused.
June 22, 2020
A wonderful and haunting book and a glorious testimony to the power of the gospel and of Jesus to save. He put his heart and soul into this book and you can tell. Very helpful as a pastor who has not personally gone through these experiences.
November 20, 2019
I want to give this book 6 stars. I admit I came to it with prejudice - I wrongly thought I was going to encounter a grim childhood biography and then some Bible. I was worried about what bad or new unknown memories it might trigger in me.
I was very, very wrong about this book. I didn't expect to encounter Jesus so early on in the book, I probably didn't expect him there at all. But He is! Also I am so grateful for Mez writing honestly about suffering, stating the 'I don't know'. I've been on the recieving end of so many well meaning explainations and Scriptures, many of which have made the pain and hurt worse, or made me keep silent. The 'I don't know' was a relief! Yet we are not left there as victims; there is the best explaination of hope and good coming out of suffering that I've ever read and really got, really been able to relate it to me and my life.
There are descriptions of horrible, painful trauma here, cruelty, and yet there is also forgiveness, salvation, repentance, justice, hope, restoration, healing, some really deep teaching on sin - there are no levels of sin, we're all sinners and God saves who He pleases, every one. There is grace.
I'm really grateful to Mez for give a voice and a name to suffering. Sometimes the feeling that the Christian community is composed of entirely perky happy 2.4 functioning families is overwhelming and isolating. I'm also grateful that we don't have to stay defined as victims or our suffering, hurts and pain - there is more! This book has made me no longer feel alone in experiences of childhood suffering.
Overwhelmed by these quotes:
"There is forgiveness for us. There is acceptance for us. There is healing for us".
"God is not done with you. There is much good that God is still going to do in your life. You are not defined by what you have done or what has been done to you. You are defined by what Jesus has done and all that He has done for you. There is much to celebrate. He loves you. He is with you. And if you cry out to Him, He will receive you".
"We will have a new Spirit. God's Spirit. And He will stick with us right into eternity where we will live with our heavenly Father. There we will have a safe home. A home without pain. A home without shouting. A home where nobody is abused. A home where nobody sheds tears. A home where death no longer reigns....A home filled with love, safety, peace and joy. The way it used to be. The way it should have been. The way it will one day be again".
And finally, how could I forget, there is love and looking forward - " But, if we start trusting in the Word of God, we can begin to heal. We can stop blaming ourselves. We can stop destroying ourselves. We can stop believing the lives about ourselves. We are not worthless. We are loved. We do mean something..."
I am so grateful that there are no easy answers here - that forgiveness in the heart mentioned and reconcilation as an option, if it's safe and healthy to do so, or even possible, rather than a list of 'you must's'. Grateful too for practical applications and solid Scriptures and honesty about his own struggles to forgive.
I was very, very wrong about this book. I didn't expect to encounter Jesus so early on in the book, I probably didn't expect him there at all. But He is! Also I am so grateful for Mez writing honestly about suffering, stating the 'I don't know'. I've been on the recieving end of so many well meaning explainations and Scriptures, many of which have made the pain and hurt worse, or made me keep silent. The 'I don't know' was a relief! Yet we are not left there as victims; there is the best explaination of hope and good coming out of suffering that I've ever read and really got, really been able to relate it to me and my life.
There are descriptions of horrible, painful trauma here, cruelty, and yet there is also forgiveness, salvation, repentance, justice, hope, restoration, healing, some really deep teaching on sin - there are no levels of sin, we're all sinners and God saves who He pleases, every one. There is grace.
I'm really grateful to Mez for give a voice and a name to suffering. Sometimes the feeling that the Christian community is composed of entirely perky happy 2.4 functioning families is overwhelming and isolating. I'm also grateful that we don't have to stay defined as victims or our suffering, hurts and pain - there is more! This book has made me no longer feel alone in experiences of childhood suffering.
Overwhelmed by these quotes:
"There is forgiveness for us. There is acceptance for us. There is healing for us".
"God is not done with you. There is much good that God is still going to do in your life. You are not defined by what you have done or what has been done to you. You are defined by what Jesus has done and all that He has done for you. There is much to celebrate. He loves you. He is with you. And if you cry out to Him, He will receive you".
"We will have a new Spirit. God's Spirit. And He will stick with us right into eternity where we will live with our heavenly Father. There we will have a safe home. A home without pain. A home without shouting. A home where nobody is abused. A home where nobody sheds tears. A home where death no longer reigns....A home filled with love, safety, peace and joy. The way it used to be. The way it should have been. The way it will one day be again".
And finally, how could I forget, there is love and looking forward - " But, if we start trusting in the Word of God, we can begin to heal. We can stop blaming ourselves. We can stop destroying ourselves. We can stop believing the lives about ourselves. We are not worthless. We are loved. We do mean something..."
I am so grateful that there are no easy answers here - that forgiveness in the heart mentioned and reconcilation as an option, if it's safe and healthy to do so, or even possible, rather than a list of 'you must's'. Grateful too for practical applications and solid Scriptures and honesty about his own struggles to forgive.
January 7, 2020
Author Rosaria Butterfield, in her endorsement of this book writes, "The most disturbing book that I have ever read. I cannot recommend it enough." Disturbing? Yes. Absolutely. And if that was all it was, it would be a horrific read. Mez McConnell, the author of this book, provides the reader a first hand account of the suffering that he experienced at the hands of a drunken, abusive (verbally, physically, sexually) step mom (and her friends). It's a sobering read and yes, it is disturbing. Yet there is something else in this book that is not disturbing. This something else is beautiful.
The author begins the book with sharing a glimpse of his life as a boy being brutalized by his step mom. I cringed as I read it. I was disturbed. Any reader should be. I thought to myself, "How in the world can a person get to such a depraved point that they would do such things to a young kid?" I know the answer to that. Depravity. But the question tends to be a reflex question that comes about in respone to any horrific abuse. As I read, I found myself shuddering and/or crying at what he and his sister experienced within the four walls of their home. McConnell shares statistics and we best take note. 1 in 5 children suffer severe maltreatment (statistics from a study done in the UK). Think that one through. For every five kids, 1 has suffered abuse of some kind. McConnell shares portions of his life story, the abuse, the fears, the anger, the bitterness, the demand for justice, the rebellion, and then his responses to such as he got into his teen years. Responses that landed him in prison. At some juncture he heard about something beautiful: the gospel of Jesus Christ. He found hope. And the author does a wonderful job of presenting how Christ changed his life.
Lest you think the author doles out simplistic answers to very very hard questions that are asked by those who have suffered abuse, fear not. He doesn't. In a profound way, McConnell weaves his life story together to provide answers to the questions that he (and millions of others) ask regarding abuse, forgiveness, Jesus Christ, sin, bitterness, hope, etc. This book is a wonderful resource that I believe can be very helpful for one who has suffered abuse at the hands of another.
The author begins the book with sharing a glimpse of his life as a boy being brutalized by his step mom. I cringed as I read it. I was disturbed. Any reader should be. I thought to myself, "How in the world can a person get to such a depraved point that they would do such things to a young kid?" I know the answer to that. Depravity. But the question tends to be a reflex question that comes about in respone to any horrific abuse. As I read, I found myself shuddering and/or crying at what he and his sister experienced within the four walls of their home. McConnell shares statistics and we best take note. 1 in 5 children suffer severe maltreatment (statistics from a study done in the UK). Think that one through. For every five kids, 1 has suffered abuse of some kind. McConnell shares portions of his life story, the abuse, the fears, the anger, the bitterness, the demand for justice, the rebellion, and then his responses to such as he got into his teen years. Responses that landed him in prison. At some juncture he heard about something beautiful: the gospel of Jesus Christ. He found hope. And the author does a wonderful job of presenting how Christ changed his life.
Lest you think the author doles out simplistic answers to very very hard questions that are asked by those who have suffered abuse, fear not. He doesn't. In a profound way, McConnell weaves his life story together to provide answers to the questions that he (and millions of others) ask regarding abuse, forgiveness, Jesus Christ, sin, bitterness, hope, etc. This book is a wonderful resource that I believe can be very helpful for one who has suffered abuse at the hands of another.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews